Today, I tried to send my boyfriend a sexy picture. I took a... - FML

By Not-so-sexy - 4/12/2009 12:48 - United States

Today, I tried to send my boyfriend a sexy picture. I took a close up picture of my face, and, trying to be sexy, had my naked body reflected on a mirror in the background. First thing he says: "Who the hell is that guy in the background?" FML

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Messed up

Fashion Police

Alexa, play "Leave Me Alone" by New Order

By dani0810 - 22/1/2013 11:39 - Canada - Sudbury

Today, I caught my 4 year old son yet again trying to drink out of the toilet. FML

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By jazzybell - 21/11/2011 00:29 - United States

Today, I found out that a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser will erase the paint right off your wall. FML

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By Anonymous - 2/2/2012 18:07 - India

Today, I accidentally told my mom to ejaculate the flash drive from the PC. FML

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By dammit hearing aid - 10/7/2014 22:17 - United States - Wallingford

Today, I was interviewing a woman for a job. She told me that she may need days off because of her artistic son. I jokingly replied, "Does he color on the walls or something?" She then stared at me with a weird look on her face. Autistic, her son is autistic. FML

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By dwek - 15/5/2009 11:07 - United Kingdom

Today, while checking through the graphic novel section of my library, I noticed a gay manga porn comic. While I was wondering who in the world would ever RENT such an item, I realised I had been staring at it for a full five minutes and people were watching me. FML

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By Nico - 12/11/2011 15:42 - France

Today, like every day since my birth, my name is Spreme. Yeah, you probably have trouble pronouncing it correctly too. FML

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By iluvcoconutrough - 2/7/2009 04:34 - New Zealand

Today, at school I was sitting with a friend outside, talking about irregular periods and unshaven legs. Ten minutes into the conversation, a teacher sticks her head out the window above us and tells us to leave. We were distracting a classroom who were trying to finish a test. FML

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By ZittyMii - 3/7/2010 19:52 - United States

Today, a friend of mine had a Wii party and made everyone into Miis. My Mii had freckles. I don't have freckles. When I commented on it, she said, "Well, there isn't a zit feature." FML

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By misc - 16/1/2009 12:19 - United States

Today, my boss reeks of mothballs. We share a cubicle. FML

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By divingconfidence - 22/12/2012 11:21 - United States - Maple Grove

Today, it was my first time at the club. I saw a really cute girl. I finally worked up the courage to ask her to dance. Before I even got within five feet of her, she looked me in the eyes and vehemently shook her head. I did a 180. My friends saw everything. They are still laughing. FML

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By Anonymous - 29/1/2016 15:54 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I got let go from my job, because my personal cell phone doesn't always have signal, so I missed an important call from work. My contract specifically said I'd get a work phone, which never happened. FML

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By Anonymous - 9/10/2015 09:06 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, I had to choke back tears as my cockslap of a brother brutally mocked me for being a 25-year-old loser who's never been kissed by a girl, while at 14 he's already lost his virginity. FML

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By Anonymous - 1/2/2010 03:16 - United States

Today, my little brother was playing with my cat, getting it to chase a laser pointer. He thought it would be funny to shine the laser pointer over my nuts. FML

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By Georgia - 13/5/2011 01:02

Today, my boyfriend turned down a shower with me because he didn't want to get his hair wet. FML

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By corey - 28/2/2012 03:41 - United States

Today, I went to ask my boss for a raise. He laughed at me and said, "That's hilarious because I was going to ask you if you could take a pay cut!" FML

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By Not Wanted - 7/9/2014 01:34 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I'm moving out of the house. My little sister can't wait and I've never seen my dad so happy. FML

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By firebombtimEFUCKERS - 29/9/2012 16:32 - United States

Today, I finally managed to sleep, after two days of being kept awake by the miniature floodlights my neighbors have installed to scare off burglars. Only a couple of hours into my sleep, I woke up to the sound of their car being broken into. FML

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By itsellie27 - 30/8/2013 14:44 - United Kingdom - London

Today, my boyfriend told me that he would leave me if I didn't seek help for my eating disorder. The eating disorder in question? Vegetarianism. FML

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By Noname - 24/2/2009 22:57 - United States

Today, I asked a very cute fireman for his number "just in case I needed him to come to my rescue"... He told me "Yeah sure!" and scribbled it down. After he walked away I read his note: "911". FML

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By katiekat - 5/1/2010 20:24 - United States

Today, my ex looked at me for the first time in months. I felt like I could fly. Seconds later my flight ended. I fell down the stairs. FML

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By noooooo - 21/2/2016 16:03 - United States - Bainbridge

Today, I'm locked in a bedroom with two dogs to keep them from barking at the guy fixing our water heater. One of them is stress-farting. FML

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By lagirl - 9/6/2009 05:27 - United States

Today, I had a date with this really cute guy. He invited me over to make dinner at his place. Eventually we end up in his bedroom to have sex. He pulls down my panties and says, "You need to shave that shit." FML

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By Anonymous - 14/5/2016 14:26 - Italy - Bologna

Today, my dog apparently vomited straight down a heating vent while I was out. The stench was so bad that when I got home and the smell hit me, I threw up too. Looks like I'll be spending a few days with my mother as the house airs out. FML

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By theyarefarapart - 9/5/2011 07:05

Today, I found out that my classmates affectionately refer to me as "the kid whose eyes are really far apart." FML

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By BrandNewKadillak - 30/4/2009 00:14 - United States

Today, I was at my 3 year-old niece's birthday party. I was swinging on their swing set when she walked directly into my path. I tried to jump off the swing, but I could not stop myself in time. I ended up kicking her in the face and giving her a black eye. Happy birthday! FML

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By julichlove - 28/12/2015 00:52 - United States - Louisville

Today, I didn't feel like going to work, so I called in sick. Five hours later while out shopping, I got hit by a car at a crosswalk. Now I'm laid-up in the local hospital, really wishing I was with the guys at work. FML

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By playinmyguitar - 15/8/2009 15:02 - United States

Today, I invited everyone to a gig I'm playing at a bar. They closed it down just for me when I told them how many people were attending, and I spent all day setting it up. Turns out nobody showed up besides my mom, my dad, and 2 of my cousins. I still had to play 7 songs in front of them. FML

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By poormanslucyliu1 - 7/11/2016 02:28

Today, I had to teach my 13-year-old sister that sugar and salt don't, "cancel each other out to make the taste neutral". FML

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By P DarklyKira - 18/5/2020 23:00

Bunged up

Today, after weeks of quarantine, I can finally go to the hospital to get my haemorrhoid surgery, which was confirmed. I have a big internal one. I didn't not consult with the same doctor as before, but he didn't even do a check up inside and told me, "You have nothing, go home." I can't shit. FML

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By AlexaSt2611 - 25/8/2010 00:08 - Paraguay

Today, I was enjoying a nice shower in the morning. While I was massaging the shampoo out of my hair, I saw the gardener walking past my bathroom window, yelling "Good morning" and waving in my direction. My left boob politely waved back at him. FML

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By Danielle - 25/10/2020 11:02

Barf

Today, I threw up during sex. FML

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By Less Friendship, More Cash - 6/5/2016 11:54 - Canada - Vancouver

Today, I realized one of my best friends was only friends with me because I would take her shopping, spoil her regularly, and help her out financially. She moved to another province and only contacted me whenever she wanted money. After I refused a couple of times, she deleted me on Facebook. FML

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By livingstonjamie - 13/1/2015 08:28 - Australia - Hampton

Today, a council worker showed up on my doorstep for the final pool installation inspection, which was scheduled 10 years ago. FML

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By Julia - 4/10/2011 03:22 - United States

Today, I was denied a waitressing job at a local diner I have been going to for years. Due to the fact that my name is Julia. They already have a waitress there named Julie. Apparently, I would "create too much confusion." FML

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By GingerJ - 2/1/2012 01:22 - United Kingdom

Today, I told my parents that I wanted to donate blood. My dad helpfully interjected, "Sorry, they don't accept blood from gingers." FML

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By hugme101 - 20/12/2010 00:20 - Canada

Today, after a long time convincing my parents that my boyfriend is really a good guy, not only did he decide to come by the house completely drunk, but he also ended up trying to kiss my mom, thinking it was me. FML

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By Anonymous - 25/7/2012 01:37 - United States - Solon Springs

Today, a customer punched me in the face for repeating their order back to them because they thought I was making fun of their speech impediment. I have the same speech impediment. FML

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By Anonymous - 9/8/2012 11:39 - United States - Desoto

Today, I went out with a friend to grab some food and we were served by this really cute and fun waiter. Stepping out of my comfort zone and deciding to do something crazy, I left my phone number on the bill. I got home only to realize that I forgot to pay the bill. FML

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By Disappointed - 30/5/2015 20:05 - United States - Lexington

Today, my boyfriend and I celebrated our 5 year anniversary. All I got was him stopping by for a quickie before he went into work. FML

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By Bernadette - 28/6/2012 19:58

Today, I was entering a guy's number into my phone, and I couldn't remember his name. Embarrassed, I tried to be sneaky and asked, "Can you spell your name for me, please?" His name is Bob. FML

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Top comments

By DynamicDave | 11

#704673 - Friday 4 December 2009 20:40

I want to see the pic before I say FYL or YDI

By ScaryyMary | 14

#704904 - Friday 4 December 2009 23:01

That's when you call him up, fake fear, and say "I think there's someone in the house with me..."

COMMENTS

By bubblybrooke | 12

#704625 - Friday 4 December 2009 20:09

ew...

Reply

alexthecutie | 0

#985343 - Tuesday 27 April 2010 0:27

ydi for being a whore

Reply

Bag3l | 0

#1034375 - Friday 18 June 2010 2:05

it's probs her shadow fatass

Reply

kendybendy | 6

#3228846 - Saturday 3 September 2011 18:15

Maybe it was just a poster of some guy on her wall

Reply

ManlyDunsparce | 3

#3936115 - Tuesday 24 January 2012 18:25

I say, how crude of a body she must have.
Poor guy. Oh. And poor OP. FYL

By Agent_P | 0

#704630 - Friday 4 December 2009 20:12

you has one hairy ass

By Mx_Rider | 6

#704656 - Friday 4 December 2009 20:29

ydi for having a hairy ass and back

By DynamicDave | 11

#704673 - Friday 4 December 2009 20:40

I want to see the pic before I say FYL or YDI

Reply

harryman04 | 0

#826699 - Friday 5 February 2010 6:51

lol same

Reply

nickob96 | 25

#6095958 - Tuesday 21 October 2014 19:23

Agreed...not because she's naked..to make sure boyfriend isn't a noon and can't recognize his gf naked body...which one do you believe lol...

By powersmoke | 0

#704718 - Friday 4 December 2009 21:05

We're gonna need to see the pic to determine if there is actually a guy.

By perdix | 29

#704774 - Friday 4 December 2009 21:39

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

Reply

iplaylax | 0

#1026646 - Friday 11 June 2010 0:45

sorry but youre coming off as a bit of a dick

Reply

Creamysweeps | 5

#2664112 - Sunday 12 June 2011 3:38

agreed :/

Reply

RubieTuesdayT | 0

#2839211 - Thursday 7 July 2011 17:18

u just tried way to hard to be funny

Reply

KatieAvery | 0

#3151108 - Sunday 21 August 2011 7:36

yeah that was just really mean

By elgordito_fml | 0

#704781 - Friday 4 December 2009 21:44

haha,lol YDI for being hairy, but i would still f*** U!

By African_diva | 0

#704795 - Friday 4 December 2009 21:51

awwws sorry

By FMLjudge007 | 0

#704836 - Friday 4 December 2009 22:17

so who was he?

By chrisinator13 | 5

#704871 - Friday 4 December 2009 22:46

yeah who was the guy?