Intimacy: Today, I tried to send my boyfriend a sexy picture. I took a... - FML

By Not-so-sexy - United States

Today, I tried to send my boyfriend a sexy picture. I took a close up picture of my face, and, trying to be sexy, had my naked body reflected on a mirror in the background. First thing he says: "Who the hell is that guy in the background?" FML

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Triage

Taking stock

Ungrateful

By Brony - United States

Today, I found out the hard way that everyone in my dorm knows I watch My Little Pony. FML

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By kysier - United States - Campbellsville

Today, I was turned down from the dream job that I was promised two years ago, once my chemo and radiation therapy was finished. His excuse? He never actually expected me to survive. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I took my dog to the vet because he hadn't eaten his food in three days, was drinking a lot of water, and was peeing a lot (all signs of antifreeze poisoning). I spent $200 at the vet to tell me that my dog is fine and just didn't like his current food. FML

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By Anonymous - 28/1/2021 17:01

Boozehounds

Today, my fiancé refused to talk to me because I'm "an alcoholic". I only started drinking like this after we moved in together and he brought me alcohol every day, because he's an alcoholic. FML

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By Anonymous - New Zealand - Christchurch

Today, I was trying to put some new curtains up. I couldn't make sense of the instructions, so I decided to wing it. I spent a frustrating half hour fighting with it, and just seconds after I succeeded, the curtain rod gave way and slammed straight onto my head. FML

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By fml333 - Saudi Arabia

Today, I was hanging out with my ex's new girlfriend. I found out he was dating us both at the same time and was comparing between us. That is why he broke up with me two years ago and is still with her ever since. FML

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By anon_1996 - United Kingdom - Haslemere

Today, my boss asked me to read through a document. I gave my feedback, saying it seemed like it had been written by an 8-year-old. Turns out it was in fact written by him. FML

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By Anonymous - 26/6/2020 02:02

Emergency haircut

Today, I told off my crazy sister-in-law after she made my wife cry for putting on weight during lockdown. Then, as I was sleeping in my armchair, the crazy bitch snuck into the house and cut off every single one of my meter-long dreadlocks. Now I got a BALD HEAD. FML

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By nosleep

Today, like every other day since I moved into this apartment a year ago, the construction crew started their noisy work at 5:30 in the morning. When I moved in I was promised it was a quiet neighborhood; only offices. What have they been building in the meantime? Three nightclubs. FML

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By maddie - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were at dinner with his parents when he discreetly slid his hand up my skirt and tickled me. This caused me to kick his dad's recently broken leg. FML

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By grounded. - United States

Today, I'm a 25-year-old married woman and I'm currently living with my grandfather to take care of him. Today, he grounded me. FML

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By inboxbuddies - Saudi Arabia

Today, my daughter asked me if we can make sticker art. Of course I said it was ok so she went to get some stickers. I wondered where she was going when she walked into the bathroom, but I didn't ask. I left the room and when I came back, her paper was blank and my pads were stuck to the wall. FML

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By satanlovesme - United States

Today, I had a dentist appointment. While waiting, I pulled out my Cosmo magazine to entertain myself. The woman sitting across from me points and tells me I'm reading "Satan's Manual." I told her I don't believe in Satan. She said, "You'll know he's real when you become his bitch!" FML

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By caligirl4ever

Today, my boyfriend and I got robbed. He was so depressed about all the stuff we lost, I decided to cheer him up with a lap dance. I told him to sit on a chair. We have no furniture left. He started crying. FML

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By j. farmer-smith - United States - Jamestown

Today, I'm a superintendent at a school, and it snowed today after school. The snow ended up freezing on the road, so I called school off for tomorrow. I sent calls home, cancelled all school events, and then realized that it's Friday. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, after many, many years of desperate bodily insecurity and therapy, I woke up next to the man of my dreams, who told me the sex was wonderful. Apparently, gin plays wonders with my memory. I don't remember a thing. And that was my first time. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, the coach bus I was riding almost crashed. I was using the restroom at the time. The bus braked so hard, I peed all over the wall and splashed my shirt. Nobody wanted to sit anywhere near me after that. FML

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By ugly - United States

Today, a total stranger on the bus called me hideous and threw a soda in my face. I only asked him if the seat next to him was taken. FML

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By whysheheartless - United States

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me. By making out with her new boyfriend in front of me. FML

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By screwed - Australia - Perth

Today, as a last resort for my back problems, I tried acupuncture. After the needles were placed and the doctor had left, I couldn't move for 30 minutes. I had a panic attack. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was telling my boyfriend how proud I am of him for finding a really good job. He interrupted me to tell me that my breath smelled like his cat's. FML

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By Vitani_Verci

Today, one of the kids at the daycare center I work at was so excited at the fact that his constipation was over, he felt the need to bring me his fecal matter, in his hands, to show me. Guess who had to clean up the aftermath. FML

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By alicia75 - United States - Elkhart

Today, my teacher told us at least 7 different stories about his cat, Jeremy, and how much he eats. And he wonders why we never get anything done in his class. FML

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By Man Shamed - United States - Hyattsville

Today, while using the bathroom in a small coffee shop, I somehow passed out sitting on the toilet. There is nothing more jarring than waking up to the vicious banging of 7 angry, urine-filled patrons attempting to break down a door. FML

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By Anonymous - 31/12/2020 09:32 - Sri Lanka - Colombo

Insane parents, part 38765

Today, my mum vented her anger on me by shattering my mouse on the floor, taking my keyboard and nearly ripping out my monitor. At least a spare mouse and the on screen keyboard are better than nothing. This hurts. FML

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By bad date - United States - Bennet

Today, my date made me pay him for picking me up, and taking me back home. FML

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By vidzgrl - Canada

Today, I was feeling sick, so I called my boyfriend who lives down the street to come and keep me company. He replied with, "no, I can't come over, I'm busy, I'm playing xbox." FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Rowlett

Today, I found out that mishearing my boss and laughing at what I thought he said can make him think I'm high and nearly force me to submit to a drug test. FML

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By Slivered - Canada

Today, my condo board refused to lift the new policy requiring pet owners to carry dogs in common areas because someone's dog is peeing in the hall. I can't physically carry my two dogs, so I'm now forced to wheel them through the building in a borrowed baby stroller. FML

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By Nixontones - United States

Today, I have been pissing blood for 2 hours, ever since some douche in a Nixon mask ran up and slugged me in the kidney. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Stretham

Today, my parents dropped by my new house, and my mother offered to tidy up for me while I was out. After they left, I noticed that her "tidying up" included throwing out all the pictures of my girlfriend and replacing them with pictures of herself. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Toledo

Today, while working as a manager at a restaurant, the "All employees must wash hands" sign in the bathroom was stolen. Now my employees won't wash their hands because they "don't have to." FML

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By Rick - United States - Spartanburg

Today, I didn't even bother to turn my cellphone off in a movie theater because I knew no one would text me or call. FML

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By cumhole - Canada - Toronto

Today, after great sex with my boyfriend, I lay in my bed while he went to get a drink from downstairs. Hearing someone come up, I shouted out as a joke, "Damn babe, I'm covered in cum, was there a hole you didn't fill?" It wasn't my boyfriend, it was my dad. FML

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By Rellies

Today, my husband is finally fully recovered from getting decompression sickness during our scuba diving vacation. Today is also the day I snapped my femur in half while skiing. FML

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By sweetnan - Chile - Santiago

Nice, thanks

Today, I finally accepted my grandma's friend request on Facebook. I commented on a family photo album she'd uploaded, joking that the quality would greatly improve once she added pictures of me. My comment was met with, "Shut up you sewage rat". FML

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By ciotter - United States

Today, my cat sneezed directly into my open eyeball. FML

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By Username - France

Today, my wife, daughter, and I get to spend the next 4 hours in the ER. Why? Because we're all throwing up at the same time. At least it counts as a family activity. FML

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By Forever Alone - Canada - Toronto

Today, I found out that my mom bet my dad $100 that she could pay my boyfriend ten bucks to break up with me. She is now $90 richer. FML

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By lonerjik - United States

Today, while I was sleeping I heard my girlfriend moaning. She was seemed to be having a wet dream. She moaned more in her dream than when having sex with me. FML

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Top comments

By DynamicDave | 11

#704673 - Friday 4 December 2009 20:40

I want to see the pic before I say FYL or YDI

By ScaryyMary | 14

#704904 - Friday 4 December 2009 23:01

That's when you call him up, fake fear, and say "I think there's someone in the house with me..."

COMMENTS

By bubblybrooke | 12

#704625 - Friday 4 December 2009 20:09

ew...

Reply

alexthecutie | 0

#985343 - Tuesday 27 April 2010 0:27

ydi for being a whore

Reply

Bag3l | 0

#1034375 - Friday 18 June 2010 2:05

it's probs her shadow fatass

Reply

kendybendy | 6

#3228846 - Saturday 3 September 2011 18:15

Maybe it was just a poster of some guy on her wall

Reply

ManlyDunsparce | 3

#3936115 - Tuesday 24 January 2012 18:25

I say, how crude of a body she must have.
Poor guy. Oh. And poor OP. FYL

By Agent_P | 0

#704630 - Friday 4 December 2009 20:12

you has one hairy ass

By Mx_Rider | 6

#704656 - Friday 4 December 2009 20:29

ydi for having a hairy ass and back

By DynamicDave | 11

#704673 - Friday 4 December 2009 20:40

I want to see the pic before I say FYL or YDI

Reply

harryman04 | 0

#826699 - Friday 5 February 2010 6:51

lol same

Reply

nickob96 | 25

#6095958 - Tuesday 21 October 2014 19:23

Agreed...not because she's naked..to make sure boyfriend isn't a noon and can't recognize his gf naked body...which one do you believe lol...

By powersmoke | 0

#704718 - Friday 4 December 2009 21:05

We're gonna need to see the pic to determine if there is actually a guy.

By perdix | 29

#704774 - Friday 4 December 2009 21:39

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

Reply

iplaylax | 0

#1026646 - Friday 11 June 2010 0:45

sorry but youre coming off as a bit of a dick

Reply

Creamysweeps | 5

#2664112 - Sunday 12 June 2011 3:38

agreed :/

Reply

RubieTuesdayT | 0

#2839211 - Thursday 7 July 2011 17:18

u just tried way to hard to be funny

Reply

KatieAvery | 0

#3151108 - Sunday 21 August 2011 7:36

yeah that was just really mean

By elgordito_fml | 0

#704781 - Friday 4 December 2009 21:44

haha,lol YDI for being hairy, but i would still f*** U!

By African_diva | 0

#704795 - Friday 4 December 2009 21:51

awwws sorry

By FMLjudge007 | 0

#704836 - Friday 4 December 2009 22:17

so who was he?

By chrisinator13 | 5

#704871 - Friday 4 December 2009 22:46

yeah who was the guy?