Work: Today, I tried to quit my job. My boss just looked at me and... - FML

By toolegittoquit - 18/01/2010 08:28 - United States

Today, I tried to quit my job. My boss just looked at me and said, "No. You can't quit." FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 329

You deserved it 6 741

Triage

Get a vasectomy, dude

What a cult

By presente13 - 17/05/2013 04:35 - United States

Today, my family and friends decided to throw a surprise party for my 16th birthday. I was so surprised that the shortness of breath triggered a serious asthma attack. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 808

You deserved it 3 826

By Anonymous - 30/12/2013 17:20 - United States

Today, I tried to prove to my girlfriend how much I've matured and that our relationship comes before anything else in my life. So I went to delete my character in World of Warcraft. I tried to confirm it, but I couldn't, breaking down in tears instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 301

You deserved it 31 369

By MrFerret - 06/05/2011 03:41

Today, it's my birthday, and my present is that my mom is coming over to see me so that she can borrow three hundred dollars. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 646

You deserved it 3 387

By JEalmon12 - 23/05/2019 12:00

Today, I was bored at my office, so I started flicking my pencils at my door. My boss walked in right then to give me a raise for my "outstanding" work. She scared me so much when she walked in that I flicked a pencil right at her face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 787

You deserved it 1 708

By Me - 05/01/2010 07:16 - France

Today, I was rejected for a job I really wanted, they said I didn't have enough experience. I designed the systems they are implementing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 715

You deserved it 2 059

By OiVey - 01/11/2017 18:30 - United States - Padre Island Ntl Seashor

Today, I found out that I've been taking the wrong math class all semester. We're only a few weeks from finals and I have no drops left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 248

You deserved it 1 529

By Anonymous - 15/02/2016 01:57 - United Kingdom - Hull

Today, after trying for months for a baby, I finally got a positive test. For chlamydia. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 488

You deserved it 3 286

Smooth criminal

By nickim756 - 13/09/2010 02:29 - United States

Spicy

Today, I got a call from my boyfriend saying he needed me to bail him out of jail. The crime? Masturbating in public. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 399

You deserved it 6 208

By Pho_Rheal - 25/09/2009 00:11 - United States

Today, I got a phone call for a interview at Target at 4:30 pm. I got super excited, so I got dressed up and headed over there. I tell the manager that I am there for my interview. He doesn't know what I'm talking about. My friends had prank called me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 790

You deserved it 3 541

By anugla - 18/08/2009 05:02 - United States

Today, I ran over a cat while driving home. I tried to keep myself together but couldn't help but cry because of how bad I felt. Through my tears I failed to notice a porcupine in the middle of the road. Yep, I hit him too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 450

You deserved it 19 397

By Anonymous - 24/02/2016 09:59 - United States - Cedar Rapids

Today, I finally worked up the courage to tell my boyfriend that I wanted to go separate ways. Before I could say anything, he proposed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 533

You deserved it 3 602

By sad - 30/03/2012 22:21 - United Kingdom - Cardiff

Today, I confided to my dad that my girlfriend had dumped me for another guy. He said "good" and explained that given how overpopulated the planet is, he's actually disappointed that I'm not gay. His advice was: "just wank it off and move on". FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 559

You deserved it 3 004

By Anonymous - 28/06/2013 19:41 - United States - Chicago Ridge

Spicy

Today, a girl from my college, who's been following me around for months, finally asked me out. Not being interested, I politely declined. Now she's convinced everyone that we hooked up and that I have an incredibly small penis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 678

You deserved it 7 440

By squirt - 05/07/2009 16:48 - United States

Today, was my wedding day. Right before I walked down the aisle in my gorgeous white dress the woman who did my makeup saw a blemish. She went to squirt concealer on her finger and squirted the orange concealer all over my dress. FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 991

You deserved it 3 543

Monday madness

By socks - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I noticed I'd mislaid one half of the "Monday" pair of socks from my "Days of the week" set that were a gift for my birthday. I'm slightly OCD. I think I'm going to rip the floorboards up if I don't find it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 851

You deserved it 10 154

By Space†Witch - 03/01/2019 04:00

Today, I'm working a photography gig for a very prominent metal band. The doorman asked me for my I.D, which I happily obliged. I am 27, however I look like I'm still in my mid to late teens. He will not let me in, even with my I.D, and the band that hired me won't answer their phones. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 019

You deserved it 183

By Anonymous - 15/06/2009 19:39 - United States

Today, my dad decided to clean out my car and "accidentally" threw away my $520 tax refund check. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 075

You deserved it 6 797

Bye gifts

By Anonymous - 12/12/2018 08:30 - United States - San Francisco

Today, it seemed like a great day. Right up until the point to where I accidentally damaged a friend's MacBook Pro. Not only do I have to pay for it, but the only way I'll be able to afford it is by returning every single Christmas gift I get. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 416

You deserved it 642

Creepy

By bubba - 17/10/2011 10:02 - China

Today, my boyfriend of 3 years felt comfortable enough with me to disclose that he had previously spent 4 years in a mental institute because he tried to kill his mother. He also told me we will be together forever. I'm scared. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 354

You deserved it 5 374

By hey-ooo - 28/10/2009 01:15 - United States

Today, I was sitting in the cafeteria with my friends when I suddenly passed out due to my hypoglycemia. When I woke up, I discovered that I was still in the same spot and my friends had abandoned me to go to class. Also, my stuff was stolen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 738

You deserved it 2 831

By dog got ur phone - 07/05/2017 02:00

Today, I was playing music from my phone, which was on the couch. I guess my dog got jealous, because she picked it up and ran over to the toilet, promptly dropping it right in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 938

You deserved it 716

By Sally - 26/01/2009 00:06 - United States

Today, I am studying abroad in Mexico and someone asked me what it's like to be from Minnesota. I responded in Spanish, in front of thirty people, what I thought translated to, "If you get cold, you can just put on a jacket." Apparently, what I thought meant "jacket" actually meant "masturbate". FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 151

You deserved it 5 325

By spit saliva spit - 07/08/2019 20:00

Today, I drooled on myself during a job interview and was immediately dismissed. This isn’t the first time it’s happened. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 360

You deserved it 529

By Anonymous - 12/05/2019 12:00

Today, I asked my mom if she'd seen my financial calculator on my way out to an exam. She told me she'd tossed it in the donation pile that she'd taken to the Salvation Army this morning because it was "clutter." I needed it to take the exam, which is required to pass the class, to graduate next month. The only place to buy a replacement was closed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 368

You deserved it 208

Ouch

By Jackmeister - 03/11/2018 03:00

Spicy

Today, I jacked off in the shower using soap with scrubbing beads in it. My penis is so chaffed, it hurts to put on pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 304

You deserved it 7 086

By chronic - 12/03/2017 02:00

Today, I'm on opioids due to severe pelvic pain. Taking them makes me constipated and increases my pain, which leads to taking more painkillers. I can choose to be in agony and the possibility of pooping, or be in slightly less pain and completely bunged up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 840

You deserved it 452

By lolo - 22/02/2013 00:16 - Israel - Ofaqim

Today, I downloaded a movie that I already own on DVD, because I was feeling too lazy to get up and fetch it from the living room. I think I've hit rock bottom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 095

You deserved it 50 138

By Noname - 16/01/2009 23:19 - Canada

Today, I decided to clean my room, find a job and ask a girl on a date. I ended up playing video games online. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 261

You deserved it 44 948

Tailor Swift

By Anonymous - 03/09/2009 17:05 - United Kingdom

Today, I awakened from my peaceful slumber in a great mood. I walked into my closet, ready to pick out an outfit for the day, to find my two year old daughter, kneeling on the floor with a pair of scissors in her hand, cutting up my wedding dress - my wedding is tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 69 791

You deserved it 14 195

By secondchild - 12/07/2019 14:00

Today, my parents spent more time, money and effort on my boyfriend's birthday present than they ever have on any of mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 492

You deserved it 157

Some people are just lazy

By Anonymous - 22/06/2017 00:00

Today, while working, I saw a man napping under a tree. He was still there 3 hours later. Turns out he was dead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 679

You deserved it 305

Stop doing this

By Anonymous - 06/07/2021 22:01

Today, my sister called me at work and told me our elderly mom had passed away. I dropped everything and rushed home, to find out she was fine, and that my sister was just pranking me. When I explained this to my boss, he accused me of lying to get out of work, and I was fired. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 330

You deserved it 66

By Anonymous - 04/11/2009 05:18 - United States

Today, I totalled my car. I flipped it over on the freeway and broke my collarbone in the process. I was in extreme pain and unable to move. It took the ambulance an hour to get there in rush hour traffic. The song repeating on my iPod was, "Don't Worry, be Happy." FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 044

You deserved it 5 585

By Anonymous - 27/11/2009 16:43 - United States

Today, I was at a dinner with my dad's girlfriend's family. I met this guy who I found kind of cute and tried to talk to him a couple times. To avoid talking to me he started playing his PSP. I could see the screen perfectly and the PSP was clearly off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 911

You deserved it 6 108

By Anonymous - 13/11/2018 13:30

Today, a few months after my son lost a canine tooth, he went to get a replacement fitted. He came home with his other canine tooth removed and both replaced by vampire fangs. Permanent vampire fangs in his mouth, where people can see them and judge me for being a bad parent. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 827

You deserved it 634

By Anonymous - 09/12/2009 00:44 - United States

Today, I was going to ask my parents for advice on how to get my ex-girlfriend back. I overheard them talking about how glad they were that their plan to break us up worked so well. I don't think I should ask for advice anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 450

You deserved it 2 673

By single pringle - 05/11/2014 01:16 - United States - Morristown

Today, my boyfriend came home from college for the first time in weeks just to visit me. I was so excited that I spent two hours getting ready. Turns out he was only coming back to dump me. Now I'm single and out of foundation. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 838

You deserved it 4 412

By notonthepavement - 15/02/2016 11:04 - United States - Desoto

Today, as I went to kiss my date goodbye and drive home, he mistakenly rammed his thumb across my eye hard enough to push my contact back into my eye socket. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 681

You deserved it 1 652

By KCHS - 11/12/2014 18:20 - United States

Today, the power went out at school. As a senior, I don't show up until third period. When I got there, I signed in as usual. The office secretary waited until I signed in to tell me that if I hadn't, I wouldn't have to attend classes that day. Now I have to sit in class doing nothing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 997

You deserved it 3 555

By Well then - 10/09/2018 03:30

Today, I discovered that my fiancé and I had vastly different definitions of monogamy. Don't worry, he only did it when he was mad at me to remind him how much he loved me. I found out from my best friend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 223

You deserved it 212

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Monday 18 January 2010 16:12

haha you are obviously a huge pussy. tell that motherfucker boss what's up

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Monday 18 January 2010 16:13

Thats when you just walk out the door

Comments

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Monday 18 January 2010 16:11

first btw ur boss is a dick fyl

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Monday 18 January 2010 17:04

Not really, if you're not allowed to quit it's a good chance it's because they need you. Either renegotiate your contract so you have more money, less hours or whatever. OR just stop turning up until you're fired.

Major_General 10

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Monday 18 January 2010 22:54

Most states are "at will" employment, which means she can quit at any time provided she is not under a contract for specific length of employment.

eternalaphrodite 0

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Tuesday 19 January 2010 15:55

Even under a contract this person can quit. It's just that she will be liable for damages if she quits in violation of a contract. Nobody can force you to work, and I really do mean nobody. If you want to quit, quit. Your boss saying you can't is meaningless. My response would be "I just did. My last day will be XX."

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Monday 18 January 2010 16:11

FIRST!!

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Monday 18 January 2010 16:12

nice FIRST job

thecoolestever1 0

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Wednesday 21 April 2010 1:56

There's an amendment saying you don't have to work if you don't want.

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Monday 18 January 2010 16:12

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

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Monday 18 January 2010 16:41

Yeah, if he fires you then you get compensation! Win-win!

zenti 2

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Monday 18 January 2010 17:02

Oh please #3, the OP knows that. Should that stop her from quitting? No. Who knows, maybe she's quitting because she found a better job.

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Monday 18 January 2010 17:37

what does OP stand for?

BeatifulPenguin 4

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Wednesday 25 April 2012 3:48

41- Original Poster. Also I meant to hit the " thumbs down" button but I hit the wrong one!!:(

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Monday 18 January 2010 16:12

haha you are obviously a huge pussy. tell that motherfucker boss what's up

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Monday 18 January 2010 16:13

quit bein a fuckin pussy, ur boss knows ur a pussy and that's why he/she said you can't quit. yes you can quit.

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Sunday 17 October 2010 1:12

OP is a woman...

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Monday 18 January 2010 16:13

Thats when you just walk out the door

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Monday 18 January 2010 16:17

ofcourse you can quit ! not an fml!

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Monday 18 January 2010 16:18

just don't ever show up and they'll have to fire u. not really an fml.

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Monday 18 January 2010 16:20

unless your boss is you mom or dad and you're wholly dependent on them, then there's absolutely no reason he can forbid you to quit. YDI

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Monday 18 January 2010 16:21

How is this FML? If you want to quit, then quit. If my boss told me that I can't quit, who cares? I'll still walk out. Your boss is just playing a game with you.

Nearly

Today, it has been 7 years of me submitting FML’s. I don’t know what worse, that I’ve submitted so many of that none have never been featured. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19

You deserved it 11

Today, I spent my 25th birthday crying alone in my room with my baby, because no else seemed to care it was my birthday. My partner and I had a fight the night before and we haven’t spoken or seen each other since. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58

You deserved it 17

Spicy

Spicy

Today, I found out I’m going to be a father, twice over, with two different women. Sisters, in fact. Only one of those sisters is my wife. Should I flee abroad, or walk calmly towards the firing squad straight away? FML

I agree, your life sucks 125

You deserved it 2 355

Today, my boyfriend finally told me after over two years together that the reason we only have sex once a month is because my stomach is, “off-putting”. FML

I agree, your life sucks 893

You deserved it 195