Transportation: Today, I tried to jump between the train doors to make it in... - FML

By Icey_dan1 - France

Today, I tried to jump between the train doors to make it in on time. And missed. FML

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Messed up

Like riding a bike

Rock and a hard place

By Nick - United States

Today, I was looking in the refrigerator for something to drink. I found a jug of lemonade with a piece of paper on it saying "Mom's Lemonade, Don't Drink!" I was really thirsty, so I ignored it and drank the whole jug. My mom is about to have a colonoscopy and had filled it with laxatives. FML

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By AlienZ - United States

Today, my parents asked if I wanted to go to military school so I said, "Yeah, that would be awesome," thinking it was a joke. They weren't joking. FML

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By nikko blue - United States

Today, I decided to try whitening my teeth for the first time. I applied the strips to my teeth and decided to lay down and wait for the thirty required minutes to pass. I accidentally fell asleep and woke up three hours later. My teeth are still in excruciating pain and are covered in white streaks. FML

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By Oh.

Today, I told my dad that failing to kill yourself must be really awful, because you think you’ve failed your life and then you even fail your death. My dad who, as I recalled when he shot me a sour look, tried to commit suicide during his youth. FML

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By xerrika - Canada - Windsor

Today, I finally finished a drawing that someone had asked and said they would pay me for. I worked on it for multiple hours and was very proud of it. When it came to discussing payment, I asked what his best offer was. A pack of cigarettes. FML

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By wow - United States - Portland

Let's do this again!

Today, for the first time in months, my best friend agreed to hang out with me. After waiting, three hours for him to show up, I called to see what was taking him so long. He told me he couldn't come because he needed to get a haircut. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my mom went snooping through my art bin to "clean out my old drawings". She found numerous nude pieces and accused me of selling porn. My mom mistook and threw out 57 anatomy practice sketches that I worked very very hard on, and ripped up the remainder of my drawings. FML

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By chiktikka - United Kingdom

Today, my dad asked me to lend him some money to buy his medication, since he's all but broke right now. He returned with nothing but a bottle of tequila. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I realised I can tell which family member has just left the bathroom from the smell alone. FML

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By stupidoldcar - United States

Today, I finished installing a brand new engine in my old car. It cost just over $6000. Later, I was waiting at a red light and an uninsured drunk driver smashed into it head on. It's completely totaled. I got to drive it 5 miles. The car is worth $1000, even with a new engine. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my house got robbed. They left a note: "Next time, we steal your souls." FML

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By creys - United States

Today, I went to Target with my dad, and he told me to get in the shopping cart. I thought he was being cool and wanted to push me around. He snorted and said he was thinking about crashing me into a car and suing the driver. FML

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By Professional_Ars

Today, the coworker I have a crush on left halfway through the busiest shift of the week, and now I have to work it alone. I eventually found out that she left to go on a date with her new boyfriend. FML

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By monochrometea - United States

Today, the only thing my downstairs neighbor wanted to talk about with me is how she can hear us go to the bathroom. She also claims that she can tell which one of us is going, based on the noise level. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I discovered the piggy bank I made a Facebook account for has more friends than me. It has 12. FML

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By HumanNature - Canada

Today, I was waiting after work in a parking lot for my ride and was dancing a little to keep warm. Next thing I know the cops pull up to me and said that someone called in to report someone dancing in an empty parking lot. FML

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By Anonymous - Czech Republic - Prague

Today, I was walking to a job interview. I needed to get rid of some gum but there were no trash cans in sight, so I spat it out on the ground. Next thing I know, some guy grabs me, sticks the gum in my hair, and walks off, muttering curses. I couldn't get it out in time for the interview. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I found our that my crazy ex, who, after our break up, said to me, "I'm setting my life to make yours hell" has befriended my current girlfriend. FML

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By Jobless in Seattle - United States - Katy

Today, after waking up in a panic because I was running late for work again, I realized I was fired for that exact reason the day before. FML

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By Lichelle - United States

Today, my parents got back from their weekend ski trip. I had a few parties over the weekend and had cleaned up absolutely EVERYTHING; beer cans, throw up, spilled drinks, etc. The only thing I forgot about was the condom someone left in my parents bed. FML

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By bxjxj - United States

Today, I asked my grandpa why he spoils me so much. He told me it's because he truly believes no one else will ever want to. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I thought a pipe was going to burst in my shower because it was making such a loud rumbling so I called my boyfriend freaking out telling him I didnt know what to do. After taking a second to look a little harder, I realized it was my vibrating razor against the shower wall. FML

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By strayy - New Zealand - Auckland

Today, my mother told me I should volunteer in Africa, because I might "get lucky, catch malaria and come back skinny". FML

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By cheekymonkey97

Today, I was making out with my boyfriend whilst straddled on top of him. He started to undo my bra. I was fine with this but he stopped kissing me and looked at me with a slight smile. He then said, "I know this is going to kill the mood... but I feel like I could milk your boobs right now" FML

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By Gross - United States - Houston

Today, I got fired from my job as a seafood manager because an entire wedding group came in and started yelling at me, saying the shrimp was horrible and I ruined their wedding. They showed me the leftovers; they never cooked them. They fed raw shrimp at a wedding dinner party. FML

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By Sigh - United Kingdom - Waltham Abbey

Today, a woman strapped her 8-year-old son into the seat next to me on a transatlantic flight. Thinking they'd been unable to book seats together, I offered to swap seats with her. She said she'd booked it this way intentionally, because he's a "fucking brat" on flights. She was right. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Spring

Today, my boss got mad at me because I told her that I wouldn't be able to work two days out of the week, due to college classes. She then cut back my hours so much that I now only work one day a week. I got the job in the first place to pay for my college classes. FML

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By ashleyrc_8213

Hidden

Today, I was commenting on my boyfriend’s page, telling him how much I loved him and missed him since he had been deported back to his country. A 12-year-old girl commented, “Who are you and why are you so obsessed with my daddy?” I didn’t know he had kids. We were together for 3 years. FML

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By Anonymous - Netherlands

Today, I was walking with the dog. I was throwing a stick in the lake so he could get it (he loves swimming). A friend called me. After I was done calling another friend came by, and we went talking for a while. When my dog barked, I accidentally threw my iPhone in the water instead of his stick. FML

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By haku4u - United States - Port Charlotte

Today, I got served paperwork stating that my ex-fiancée is suing me again for child support. About 7 years ago, I proved via DNA testing within the court system that I was not the father the first time. I see a talk show in my future. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, I discovered my mother went into the local pub where I work part time, got very drunk, and flashed her boobs at everyone. I found out when a picture was posted on Facebook. FML

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By Downanout

Today, I found out I did so horrible during my interview that I didn’t even get a rejection email. FML

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By youfuckingslut - United States

Today, I accidentally bumped into another car on the road. The worst of the damage was a slight chip to the other driver's paint, but she played it up so much that she ended up being taken away in an ambulance. I'm now terrified that the crazy bitch is going to sue me. FML

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By mmvv - United States

Today, I found out the hard way that my boyfriend occasionally wets the bed. He's 25 and we're moving in together next month. FML

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By dieold - United States

Today, I went to a birthday party at my girlfriends house. When her little brother was about to blow out the candles I slipped my hand into her sisters back pocket and squeeze her ass, thinking it was my girlfriend. She freaked out and now her family thinks I'm a pervert. FML

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By apparentlyugly - United States

Today, I went to a concert. They had this feature where you could send a picture of something from your cell phone and they'd put it on the big screens, so I sent a picture of myself in. When the picture came up on the screens, the entire crowd of about 4,000 people went, "Ewwww!" FML

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By owmyfoot - United States - Sacramento

Today, while walking barefoot through my house, I saw something shine on the floor across the hallway. Curious as to what it was, I rubbed my foot across the carpet to feel it. It wasn't until it was deeply lodged in my foot did I realize it was an open safety pin. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Mahwah

Today, I met my boyfriend's parents for the first time. Turns out his dad is the asshole customer that I complain about all the time. He recognized me too and spent the entire dinner making passive-aggressive remarks about how bad of an employee I am. FML

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By Husband

Today, my wife called to me from across the house just to look at the penis-shaped period bloodstain on the back of her underwear. FML

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By AnnieThrax - United States - Holdingford

Today, I received the heels I'll be wearing at my best friend's wedding. The bride ordered them for us to match the dresses. They're six-inch platform heels. I have three broken toes and am still wearing a boot. The wedding is next weekend. FML

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Top comments

By mrahhhhh | 21

#1528425 - Sunday 10 October 2010 19:43

#1: Why are you late for work?
#2: I missed my train and had to patiently wait for the next one.
#1: Don't let it happen again.

Alternatively...
#1: Why are you late for work?
#2: I almost died from hitting a train will trying to catch it by jumping through closing doors.
#1: ... Get the hell out.

By LexSwift | 17

#1528245 - Sunday 10 October 2010 19:03

Wait. I don't get it... lol

COMMENTS

By warpig182 | 0

#1528239 - Sunday 10 October 2010 19:02

LAST

Reply

MAGNAVOX | 0

#1528302 - Sunday 10 October 2010 19:17

*You're
* fucking
* retarded
Says the person who has grammar problems.

Reply

boratt | 0

#1528434 - Sunday 10 October 2010 19:44

^ win

Reply

JillianlikesVogu | 0

#1528505 - Sunday 10 October 2010 20:04

Wow...how can someone spell 'retarded' wrong? Hypocisy on so many levels.

Reply

KingDingALing | 9

#1528529 - Sunday 10 October 2010 20:13

1- No, you're the one who is retarded.

Reply

ChrisSG | 0

#1528643 - Sunday 10 October 2010 20:51

I lol'ed @ this..

Reply

TRACKGiRLJONNi | 0

#1528669 - Sunday 10 October 2010 21:02

even though you're alive... that deserves a Darwin.

Reply

I_iz_B_a_troll | 23

#1528731 - Sunday 10 October 2010 21:29

59, hippocracky?

Reply

rallets | 22

#1530367 - Monday 11 October 2010 4:05

hiphopapotamus?

Reply

zp5 | 4

#1530390 - Monday 11 October 2010 4:07

87 you mad?

Reply

GeekMaster6000 | 3

#1531993 - Monday 11 October 2010 9:47

To be honest, I think you'd have to be retarded to have the train in your sites, and just give up on catching it.

Reply

bibilovesu | 0

#1532015 - Monday 11 October 2010 9:51

haha that was amazing ^ win

Reply

bibilovesu | 0

#1532023 - Monday 11 October 2010 9:52

o fail that was at #54

By Magick | 0

#1528243 - Sunday 10 October 2010 19:03

Lmao indeed yu are

Reply

cole86 | 0

#1528327 - Sunday 10 October 2010 19:19

Jew jitsu!

Reply

sourgirl101 | 28

#1528502 - Sunday 10 October 2010 20:03

Geometry

Gee•I'm•a•tree

Reply

john7h567hgrd | 0

#1529066 - Monday 11 October 2010 0:19

so you missed the door... and hit the side of the train?

Reply

cole86 | 0

#1529558 - Monday 11 October 2010 2:22

how'd I get moderated? all I said was Jew Jitsu?

Reply

myknewverr | 0

#1531888 - Monday 11 October 2010 9:35

hahaha epic!

Reply

hellomynameisada | 0

#1536476 - Tuesday 12 October 2010 7:29

r nt u dead?

By LexSwift | 17

#1528245 - Sunday 10 October 2010 19:03

Wait. I don't get it... lol

Reply

KayBizz | 0

#1528349 - Sunday 10 October 2010 19:22

I think he just slammed into the door itself

By warpig182 | 0

#1528250 - Sunday 10 October 2010 19:05

LAST

By Lounia_fml | 8

#1528252 - Sunday 10 October 2010 19:06

Shouldn't you be dead?

Reply

KiddNYC1O | 20

#1528444 - Sunday 10 October 2010 19:47

it's actually not that bad, you get jammed between the doors and enjoy the ride as your clothes get dirty.

Reply

hypezster | 0

#1528468 - Sunday 10 October 2010 19:55

no when he ran he hit the doors when it was close - also people do this all the time this is not a fml

Reply

5t3ff1k4h | 44

#1528494 - Sunday 10 October 2010 20:02

No. The train didn't run over him. He just missed and probably fell as the train pulled away.

Reply

azhein | 0

#1528655 - Sunday 10 October 2010 20:56

I don't think the train was moving yet I think the doors just shut before he could get in

Reply

5t3ff1k4h | 44

#1528873 - Sunday 10 October 2010 22:25

True enough. Though, OP still wouldn't be dead.

Reply

KiddNYC1O | 20

#1528983 - Sunday 10 October 2010 23:14

What did 31 say?

By metallicatime | 0

#1528254 - Sunday 10 October 2010 19:07

don't be an Asian and push as many people as possible in

Reply

thikimo | 0

#1528273 - Sunday 10 October 2010 19:11

you should see Japan..

By Lifeisntfair13 | 0

#1528277 - Sunday 10 October 2010 19:12

wait I don't get it! did you get squashed? you would be dead! did you fall ?

By Pain_and_Misery | 0

#1528279 - Sunday 10 October 2010 19:12

Wow that sucks

By sam_08_fml | 0

#1528283 - Sunday 10 October 2010 19:13

Im confused what happened after u missed??

By whcwtexan | 0

#1528289 - Sunday 10 October 2010 19:14

YDI for being a dumbass...