Transportation: Today, I tried to jump between the train doors to make it in... - FML

By Icey_dan1 - France

Today, I tried to jump between the train doors to make it in on time. And missed. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12789

You deserved it

27520

Tweet

Share

Triage

Spooky

Pull your shit together, Bezos

By Anonymous

Today, my family drove me to the airport. Before they said goodbye, my mom discreetly pulled me to one side and asked if I'd remembered to pack my birth control pills. Unfortunately, my little sister heard, then chased me through the security line, yelling, "YOU'RE ON BIRTH CONTROL?!" FML

I agree, your life sucks

1617

You deserved it

223

Tweet

Share

By Courts - Australia - Adelaide

Evil

Today, I had a shift as a carer in a high-rise disability home, and working with a lady whom was once a midwife. She had a toy baby, and was rocking it. When I asked her what she was going to do what the baby so she could come to lunch, she casually threw the baby off the balcony and shrugged. FML

I agree, your life sucks

5448

You deserved it

502

Tweet

Share

By sadphonegirl - Canada - Brampton

Today, I remember that I changed my phone lock password when I was still half asleep this morning, but I don't remember what I changed it to. FML

I agree, your life sucks

17108

You deserved it

24740

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was in my car and a cute guy pulled up next to me. He looked at me and smiled, but in order to be cool, I pretended not to notice. I also pretended that I was listening to music and was completely absorbed in it, singing passionately. I wasn't even listening to music and my window was down. FML

I agree, your life sucks

7994

You deserved it

82514

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I'm so broke that when I got out of the shower, I had to slowly dry myself off with a ShamWow sample I received in the mail. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33181

You deserved it

4646

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - Canada - London

Today, I got into a fight with my girlfriend. After yelling and arguing my point, my cat got up and jumped up next to her on the bed. He sat down, and they both glared at me until I left. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25429

You deserved it

4279

Tweet

Share

By good husband - Canada

Today, I took my wife's cat to the vet for her yearly check up. I'm finishing the day at the hospital with multiple bite wounds and a deep gash in my leg. My wife chose to comfort her cat instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43748

You deserved it

4598

Tweet

Share

By Meg - United States

Today, I found out the identity of the pervert who's been staring at me through my bedroom window in the late hours of the night. My parents and I decided to set out a trap for 'him' instead of reporting to our local cop. Turns out, we caught my 37 year-old neighbor in the act. He's the cop. FML

I agree, your life sucks

51212

You deserved it

2800

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, my boyfriend found out I have OCD. When I touch something with one hand I have to touch it with the other or I freak. After I brushed his face with the back of my hand he tackled me to the floor, held me down, and laughed at me while I panicked and tried to touch him with my other hand. FML

I agree, your life sucks

53232

You deserved it

16313

Tweet

Share

By sad - Canada

Today, I left my book on the plane after I'd finished reading it. The flight attendant thought I'd forgotten it, so he chased me through the airport, past security, past customs, and past baggage claims. I didn't have the heart to tell him I left it on purpose. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10038

You deserved it

45847

Tweet

Share

By HomeImprover

Today, I rode my newly-purchased bicycle to Lowe's to look at flooring and back splashes for our upcoming remodel. Upon leaving the store, I found out that my bicycle had been stolen by someone who had bought a hacksaw from that store while I was shopping. They left the receipt to mock me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10460

You deserved it

774

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Why do people do this?

Today, a friend showed me my husband's online dating profile, which includes photos of him with our kids. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2177

You deserved it

124

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I met with a friend who had gained some weight since I saw him last. After a friendly hug, I put my hand on his new man boob and, without thinking, left it there way too long. I realized that I was groping him and, in a panic, did the only thing I could think of. I patted it. Twice. FML

I agree, your life sucks

17938

You deserved it

54343

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - Norway

Today, I bought Plan B for the first time. Not because I had unprotected sex, but to make the cashier think someone would actually sleep with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12765

You deserved it

42998

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I got my first tattoo. When I showed my boyfriend, he asked where I got the design. I told him I saw it in a sketch book of his. He designed it for his last girlfriend, who got it in the same place. FML

I agree, your life sucks

20107

You deserved it

61095

Tweet

Share

By imamonster1992 - United States

Cheers!

Today, my boyfriend got rejected by his dream college. In an effort to comfort him, I told him that he is incredibly smart and that it's their loss. He replied, "Of course you think so, you're an idiot!" FML

I agree, your life sucks

35865

You deserved it

4956

Tweet

Share

By TallGal - United States - Tucson

Today, I had a date with a guy from the Internet. I'm 6ft1, which tends to put potential dates off, so I'd slyly knocked a few inches off my description. Turns out he'd done the same. He'd added a whole foot to his height. I had to crouch to talk to him. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24734

You deserved it

14223

Tweet

Share

By Alexea Luton

The eye of the beholder

Today, my boyfriend compared me to an unattractive actress. When I said it was sort of messed up to say that to me since she's not pretty, he said, "She's not as bad as you." FML

I agree, your life sucks

1893

You deserved it

295

Tweet

Share

By Noalixah - Finland

Today, in the early hours of the morning, a worker started drilling the road right in front of my window. He stopped 5 minutes before my alarm clock rang. FML

I agree, your life sucks

54605

You deserved it

3907

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - Bel Air

Today, I received a package from a local guy on Craigslist. Instead of the iPhone I paid $350 for, the box only contained a photo of an iPhone. The guy had been dumb enough to attach a return address, so my husband went over and beat the shit out of him. I now have to bail him out of jail. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46909

You deserved it

13508

Tweet

Share

By Lala - United States - Denver

Today, a guy for whom I did a design job told me he would only be able to pay me in 3 weeks. I told him that it was OK, as long as I didn't have to follow him around to collect my money. "Don't worry, I know the feeling," he said, "I used to run an illegal business." FML

I agree, your life sucks

22415

You deserved it

2152

Tweet

Share

By outagrand - Australia

Today, I gave my mother a pre-prepared deposit envelope with my fortnightly wage in it, in cash. I tell her exactly where the deposit box is and what to do. I'm now desperately calling the bank because my mother accidentely put my $1200 deposit in the little trash can for receipts under the ATM. FML

I agree, your life sucks

47759

You deserved it

13873

Tweet

Share

By theleague - United States

Today, when I arrived at the airport for my international flight there was no record of my ticket in the system. Turns out the flight was yesterday. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12305

You deserved it

33264

Tweet

Share

By whale14

Today, I was in the newspaper for my soccer accomplishments. It was supposed to be my day in the spotlight. I went home to find out that my little sister had sprained her ankle in P.E. Not only did nobody in my family read the article in the paper, I'm now doing all of my sister's chores. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1801

You deserved it

207

Tweet

Share

By Dor51 - United States - Tacoma

Today, we found out that my unborn sibling is a girl, and my parents quickly named her. In a few years' time, "Candida" is going to catch all kinds of shit at school, just like I do for being named Dorothy. My "friends" have already started calling me "lil' yeast infection's sis". FML

I agree, your life sucks

38219

You deserved it

3004

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, I had to catch a coach to London at 4 in the morning. I was late so I had to take any free seat, so sat down next to a seemingly sweet old man. Within ten minutes, the sweet old man was trying to kiss me and trying to pull me on top of him. Nobody said anything. The journey was 4 hours long. FML

I agree, your life sucks

48262

You deserved it

3759

Tweet

Share

By IVOaf - United States

Today, as I tried to get out of bed, I got my foot tangled in my sheets. I reached out to my dresser to avoid falling flat on my face. I didn't fall, but I did manage to smash my fingers in the drawer while still trapped in the sheets. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40487

You deserved it

4843

Tweet

Share

By littlekellilee - Canada

Today, I was told I have narcolepsy, and I've it for a year and a half. When asked why I didn't go to a doctor before, I answered that I'd always assumed it was a normal adult thing to fall asleep randomly because of how everyone says they're always exhausted. Apparently not. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12656

You deserved it

1495

Tweet

Share

By Bedrest Blues

Today, my boyfriend told me that we can’t be together because I’m not the person he fell in love with since I don’t do anything all day. I’m 6 months pregnant and on bed rest. FML

I agree, your life sucks

5527

You deserved it

426

Tweet

Share

By hellphone_fml

Today, someone knocked on my door. I yelled "Yeah?" while getting up, since it was locked. My grandpa walked in, as I apparently didn't actually lock it. I was naked. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1276

You deserved it

592

Tweet

Share

By married and hates - United States

Today, I got a call from an ex, demanding to know why my Facebook relationship status was set as married. I got married a few months ago, and I quietly explained this to her. My wife overheard and now thinks I've been cheating all along. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38258

You deserved it

5596

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was at the mall with my young daughter. I hate pooping in public but I really had to go so I brought her in with me. Thinking we were alone, I started to go and my daughter yelled, "Good job, mommy, you're using the potty like a big girl!" I then heard laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40080

You deserved it

4860

Tweet

Share

By Ben - United States

Today, my 6 year old daughter somehow learned about sex. She also had the open house at her school where she meets her new teachers. When the teacher asked where she came from, she said, "My daddy's happy sacks." FML

I agree, your life sucks

42131

You deserved it

4673

Tweet

Share

By patrickalamo - United States

Today, while driving in a funeral procession I was distracted, missed my turn and yelled "God dammit!" I'm the funeral director; the Priest was in the car with me as I led the funeral the wrong way. FML

I agree, your life sucks

16515

You deserved it

40513

Tweet

Share

By asianjoe - United States

Today, at work, I told a lady checking out to sign her name after sliding her credit card. After she started signing her name, she threw the pen down in frustration saying that the pen was out of ink. We use electronic pin pads. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31749

You deserved it

2774

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous

Missing the point 101

Today, I told my mom I lost 30 pounds because of an eating disorder. She told me to keep up the good work. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1722

You deserved it

176

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 27/9/2020 09:02 - United States - Cody

Those assholes are everywhere!

Today, I found out my wife's sister is an antivaxxer, and my wife is headed that way too. Our first baby is due next February. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1492

You deserved it

152

Tweet

Share

By Awkward - United States - Redmond

Today, my neighbor put up an electric fence to keep my five-year-old son out. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41869

You deserved it

14596

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I finally convinced my son to use the potty. Later, he saw a show on TV about a toilet monster. Now he's too scared to even step foot into the bathroom. Here's to another few months of diaper changes. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27874

You deserved it

4480

Tweet

Share

By HenryRollinsForPresident - United States - Edmond

Today, I was waiting for my wife in a mall when some kids came and sat near me, wearing band t-shirts. I recognized some, as I was into The Smiths and Black Flag in my youth. I tried to strike up a music-fan chat with them. "Fuck off, grandad" and "Ew, pedo" is all I got in return. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28432

You deserved it

4804

Tweet

Share

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By mrahhhhh | 19

#1528425 - Sunday 10 October 2010 19:43

#1: Why are you late for work?
#2: I missed my train and had to patiently wait for the next one.
#1: Don't let it happen again.

Alternatively...
#1: Why are you late for work?
#2: I almost died from hitting a train will trying to catch it by jumping through closing doors.
#1: ... Get the hell out.

By LexSwift | 17

#1528245 - Sunday 10 October 2010 19:03

Wait. I don't get it... lol

COMMENTS

By warpig182 | 0

#1528239 - Sunday 10 October 2010 19:02

LAST

Reply

MAGNAVOX | 0

#1528302 - Sunday 10 October 2010 19:17

*You're
* fucking
* retarded
Says the person who has grammar problems.

Reply

boratt | 0

#1528434 - Sunday 10 October 2010 19:44

^ win

Reply

JillianlikesVogu | 0

#1528505 - Sunday 10 October 2010 20:04

Wow...how can someone spell 'retarded' wrong? Hypocisy on so many levels.

Reply

KingDingALing | 9

#1528529 - Sunday 10 October 2010 20:13

1- No, you're the one who is retarded.

Reply

ChrisSG | 0

#1528643 - Sunday 10 October 2010 20:51

I lol'ed @ this..

Reply

TRACKGiRLJONNi | 0

#1528669 - Sunday 10 October 2010 21:02

even though you're alive... that deserves a Darwin.

Reply

I_iz_B_a_troll | 23

#1528731 - Sunday 10 October 2010 21:29

59, hippocracky?

Reply

rallets | 22

#1530367 - Monday 11 October 2010 4:05

hiphopapotamus?

Reply

zp5 | 4

#1530390 - Monday 11 October 2010 4:07

87 you mad?

Reply

GeekMaster6000 | 3

#1531993 - Monday 11 October 2010 9:47

To be honest, I think you'd have to be retarded to have the train in your sites, and just give up on catching it.

Reply

bibilovesu | 0

#1532015 - Monday 11 October 2010 9:51

haha that was amazing ^ win

Reply

bibilovesu | 0

#1532023 - Monday 11 October 2010 9:52

o fail that was at #54

By Magick | 0

#1528243 - Sunday 10 October 2010 19:03

Lmao indeed yu are

Reply

cole86 | 0

#1528327 - Sunday 10 October 2010 19:19

Jew jitsu!

Reply

sourgirl101 | 28

#1528502 - Sunday 10 October 2010 20:03

Geometry

Gee•I'm•a•tree

Reply

john7h567hgrd | 0

#1529066 - Monday 11 October 2010 0:19

so you missed the door... and hit the side of the train?

Reply

cole86 | 0

#1529558 - Monday 11 October 2010 2:22

how'd I get moderated? all I said was Jew Jitsu?

Reply

myknewverr | 0

#1531888 - Monday 11 October 2010 9:35

hahaha epic!

Reply

hellomynameisada | 0

#1536476 - Tuesday 12 October 2010 7:29

r nt u dead?

By LexSwift | 17

#1528245 - Sunday 10 October 2010 19:03

Wait. I don't get it... lol

Reply

KayBizz | 0

#1528349 - Sunday 10 October 2010 19:22

I think he just slammed into the door itself

By warpig182 | 0

#1528250 - Sunday 10 October 2010 19:05

LAST

By Lounia_fml | 8

#1528252 - Sunday 10 October 2010 19:06

Shouldn't you be dead?

Reply

KiddNYC1O | 20

#1528444 - Sunday 10 October 2010 19:47

it's actually not that bad, you get jammed between the doors and enjoy the ride as your clothes get dirty.

Reply

hypezster | 0

#1528468 - Sunday 10 October 2010 19:55

no when he ran he hit the doors when it was close - also people do this all the time this is not a fml

Reply

5t3ff1k4h | 44

#1528494 - Sunday 10 October 2010 20:02

No. The train didn't run over him. He just missed and probably fell as the train pulled away.

Reply

azhein | 0

#1528655 - Sunday 10 October 2010 20:56

I don't think the train was moving yet I think the doors just shut before he could get in

Reply

5t3ff1k4h | 44

#1528873 - Sunday 10 October 2010 22:25

True enough. Though, OP still wouldn't be dead.

Reply

KiddNYC1O | 20

#1528983 - Sunday 10 October 2010 23:14

What did 31 say?

By metallicatime | 0

#1528254 - Sunday 10 October 2010 19:07

don't be an Asian and push as many people as possible in

Reply

thikimo | 0

#1528273 - Sunday 10 October 2010 19:11

you should see Japan..

By Lifeisntfair13 | 0

#1528277 - Sunday 10 October 2010 19:12

wait I don't get it! did you get squashed? you would be dead! did you fall ?

By Pain_and_Misery | 0

#1528279 - Sunday 10 October 2010 19:12

Wow that sucks

By sam_08_fml | 0

#1528283 - Sunday 10 October 2010 19:13

Im confused what happened after u missed??

By whcwtexan | 0

#1528289 - Sunday 10 October 2010 19:14

YDI for being a dumbass...