Today, I tried to jump between the train doors to make it in... - FML

By Icey_dan1 - 10/10/2010 15:16 - France

Today, I tried to jump between the train doors to make it in on time. And missed. FML

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Property law

Fashion Police

Deep-seated resentment

By Anonymous - 12/9/2012 21:06 - United States

Today, a creepy girl from my class wouldn't stop texting me and trying to call me. In order to get her to stop, I texted back saying that I was at my mom's house for a family dinner. She replied, "No you're not. I can see you right now." FML

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By ohgosh - 12/10/2009 05:27 - Canada

Today, my son lost his pet rat, Charlie. Whilst vacuuming under my couch, the vacuum suddenly shut off. Something was stuck in it, so I took it apart. Something was inside, so I leaned in closer to get a better look. Bad news? I need a new vacuum. Good news? I found Charlie. FML

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By Anonymous - 10/5/2012 06:25 - United States - Bedford

Today, my neighbors got a motion sensor light that points at my window. It's so sensitive that it goes off every time an insect flies past. FML

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By foreveryoung - 30/4/2016 16:23 - France

Today, a weird guy approached me and started asking me many questions. I didn't know how to get out of this situation, so I suddenly ran away shouting, "Stranger danger! " I'm 21. FML

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By Anonymous - 2/4/2012 02:25 - United States - Binghamton

Today, while mowing the lawn, I ran over a hornet's nest. FML

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By mariology - 11/12/2013 12:33 - United States - Newark

Today, I found a credit card at my job. As store policy goes, we have to cut up lost cards immediately after finding them to protect the cardholders. As I grab the scissors and cut, my manager calls out, "Has anyone seen my credit card?" FML

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By Anonymous - 27/9/2011 19:53 - United States

Today, a man punched me for sleeping with his wife. Bewildered, I insisted I would never sleep with a married woman, to which he retorted "She wasn't my wife when it HAPPENED, dumbass!" I was assaulted for sleeping with my own girlfriend three years ago. FML

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By rileynautumn - 13/6/2011 19:04 - United States

Today, after a full shift at work, I got home to my boyfriend playing CoD, a full sink, crap all over the table, a full cat box, dirty bathroom, no laundry done and the kids at my parents' house. He yelled at me because the place was a mess. FML

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By Anonymous - 4/12/2016 22:14

Today, my family held an intervention and told me I needed to lose weight. It probably would've had more impact if they hadn't done this over video chat while stuffing their faces at an all-you-can-eat buffet. FML

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By Anonymous - 22/6/2014 16:34 - United States - Syosset

Today, I came back home after a year studying abroad. Imagine my surprise when I found out my mom had gotten breast implants while I was away. All through dinner, I kept catching myself staring at them. No wonder my dad was so much happier than when I left. FML

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By Anonymous - 10/12/2013 17:26 - United States - Springfield

Today, marks my third day of school being closed due to snow. One, and only one, of the teachers has decided that we have to do work online in the meantime. I just so happen to be in three of his classes. FML

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By laywer_man - 7/3/2009 06:43 - United States

Today, I couldn't answer almost any of the questions in the game "Are You Smarter Than A 5th Grader?" I'm a 40 year old man. FML

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By Anonymous - 23/4/2020 20:00

Freudian slip

Today, I accidentally sent a very sexually explicit message to my online class because I thought I was typing in a different window. You can't delete messages. FML

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By WOW - 13/7/2013 20:40 - Kenya

Today, my driving instructor failed me on my test, because I forgot to turn the air conditioning off after parking. FML

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By ohgod... - 2/4/2012 02:18 - Canada - Magog

Today, while my boyfriend and I were getting intimate, he called me "Mom." FML

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By harvdog - 2/10/2010 19:43 - United States

Today, I went to Seattle with my mom to visit my pregnant sister, only to end up being dragged to a store to buy maternity clothes. The saleswoman apologized to me repeatedly for not having a lounge for the fathers, but congratulated me on the baby. I'm a girl. FML

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By meow - 14/1/2010 04:27 - United States

Today, my boyfriend informed me that sharing a bed with me was like sleeping with a seizing cat. FML

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By copmagnet - 15/10/2010 00:43 - United States

Today, I got a $200 bonus at work and was super excited about getting a plane ticket to see my family. On the way back from work I got a $300 speeding ticket. FML

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By Really? - 31/12/2016 01:54 - Australia - Homebush

Today, during an endless heat wave, I sat at my local pub having a beer. I was delighted as a cool sea breeze started to come through. I was less delighted when the sea breeze picked up and blew cigarette ash onto my sweaty face and into my mouth. FML

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By wronged - 8/7/2011 08:41 - Singapore

Today, my extremely paranoid boyfriend called me a whore and threatened to break up with me, all because he had a dream in which I had sex with my ex. I'm still a virgin. FML

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By notacashier - 3/7/2014 12:29 - United States - Brooklyn

Today, I used the self-checkout for the first time. I didn't see a slot for bills, so I tried to put them in the coin slot for a solid three minutes. There was a huge line behind me, silently judging. FML

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By tandc - 1/5/2012 05:07 - United States

Today, in a rush to squeeze out of a particularly tight parking spot, I made a hurried 12-point turn. Just to make sure I had enough room behind, I hopped out of my car. It was still in reverse. I managed to wreck my own car without even sitting in it. FML

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By Bir - 8/12/2019 14:00 - Nepal

Early wake-up

Today, my nephew grabbed my balls to wake me up at 4 AM. FML

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By anonymous - 18/6/2009 14:04 - Norway

Today, I saw my crush walking on the other side of the street. She hadn't noticed me, so when she did I nonchalantly looked over and casually waved to look cool. I then walked right into a lamp post. FML

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By Lola - 26/12/2008 06:32 - France

Today, I dressed in my sexiest clothes to meet my new boyfriend at a restaurant. As I was a bit early, I took the opportunity to smoke a cigarette outside while I waited. The restaurant owner came out and said, "Hey, you. Go and 'work' somewhere else, please." FML

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By my boyfriend is a slut - 3/11/2017 04:00

Today, I took my new boyfriend to my step-sister's wedding. He knew more people there than I did, including 3 bridesmaids he used to sleep with. FML

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By Anonymous - 10/7/2014 17:52 - United States - Bremerton

Today, my ex told me that she's 3 weeks pregnant with my child. Not only was she on her period when I broke up with her last week, her friend let me know that the positive pregnancy test she showed me was a fake that she'd bought online. FML

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By chicagobulls102 - 10/9/2011 18:19 - United States

Today, the really cute guy who asked for my number last night texted me. He wanted to know if he could get my friend's number, because he'd been too shy to ask her directly. FML

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By vw - 20/2/2012 05:05 - United States

Today, I was talking to my grandpa while he was gardening outside. Suddenly I feel this hard, salty thing fly into my mouth and I spit it out. It turned out to be a beetle. My grandpa takes one look at the beetle and says, "Well, at least that poor bug finally got you to shut up." FML

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By Kathleen Verhaegen - 5/3/2020 21:00

Pale AF

Today, I went to get a double conch piercing. Afterwards, the lady asked me whether I was feeling well, because I was looking so pale. I had to explain that it's my normal skin tone. I'm just pale as fuck. FML

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By hcfan - 14/4/2009 11:18 - Australia

Today, a customer came in to the Pizza store where I work and complained that the food they had purchased had a strand of black hair in it. After some deliberation, my boss decided to fire me. He is the only staff member there with black hair. I shaved my hair 2 weeks ago. FML

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By broke bitch - 23/6/2015 04:15 - United States - Hampton

Today, I got a call from my cable company in regards to a bill I didn't pay. I paid the bill two weeks ago in full, but they never told me the account changed when my name was put on the account. So now I owe $170 more, and my ex-roommate is getting a $140 refund in the mail. FML

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By iDontLikeMySiblingsThatMuch - 12/8/2018 20:30

Today, my husband of 10 years decided only after I told him I wanted a divorce that his niece is also his daughter. FML

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By privatebathroomneeded - 16/12/2014 19:26 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I needed to take a dump at school. As soon as I sat down, somebody else walked in. I'm extremely poop-shy, so I was forced to wait for several minutes while they styled their hair and applied makeup. After they left, I breathed a sigh of relief. Then someone else walked in. FML

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By Anonymous - 27/3/2016 14:36 - United States

Today, I got my phone back after bringing it in to get a crack in the screen repaired. The crack is fixed, but now the touch screen doesn't work and it won't connect to the Internet. I essentially paid to have my phone broken even more. FML

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By grossedout - 1/11/2014 00:39

Today, I was walking back to my dorm with my boyfriend. He was being really sweet as he held my hand. We were about to kiss goodnight and as he pushed some hair out of my face he said, "Can we hurry it up? I'm about to rip one." FML

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By dee - 10/12/2011 10:14 - United States

Today, I wound up cleaning vomit out of the window track of my car at midnight, in the nicest dress I own, after my husband got completely wasted at his office Christmas party. FML

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By Butch - 4/7/2016 17:19 - United States - Mcdonough

Today, our e-mail server went down. When I called IT to find out what the status was, they told me they e-mailed everyone with an update. FML

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By spitstopper - 7/8/2014 02:22 - United States - Birmingham

Today, I stopped two little boys from spitting over a railing at the piano player two floors below in the department store I work at. Their mom complained to my boss about me. FML

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By Anonymous - 22/10/2016 04:32

Today, my boyfriend of nearly six months broke up with me. Over text. In a group chat. With the new girl he wanted to date. FML

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Top comments

By mrahhhhh | 19

#1528425 - Sunday 10 October 2010 19:43

#1: Why are you late for work?
#2: I missed my train and had to patiently wait for the next one.
#1: Don't let it happen again.

Alternatively...
#1: Why are you late for work?
#2: I almost died from hitting a train will trying to catch it by jumping through closing doors.
#1: ... Get the hell out.

By LexSwift | 17

#1528245 - Sunday 10 October 2010 19:03

Wait. I don't get it... lol

COMMENTS

By warpig182 | 0

#1528239 - Sunday 10 October 2010 19:02

LAST

Reply

MAGNAVOX | 0

#1528302 - Sunday 10 October 2010 19:17

*You're
* fucking
* retarded
Says the person who has grammar problems.

Reply

boratt | 0

#1528434 - Sunday 10 October 2010 19:44

^ win

Reply

JillianlikesVogu | 0

#1528505 - Sunday 10 October 2010 20:04

Wow...how can someone spell 'retarded' wrong? Hypocisy on so many levels.

Reply

KingDingALing | 9

#1528529 - Sunday 10 October 2010 20:13

1- No, you're the one who is retarded.

Reply

ChrisSG | 0

#1528643 - Sunday 10 October 2010 20:51

I lol'ed @ this..

Reply

TRACKGiRLJONNi | 0

#1528669 - Sunday 10 October 2010 21:02

even though you're alive... that deserves a Darwin.

Reply

I_iz_B_a_troll | 23

#1528731 - Sunday 10 October 2010 21:29

59, hippocracky?

Reply

rallets | 22

#1530367 - Monday 11 October 2010 4:05

hiphopapotamus?

Reply

zp5 | 4

#1530390 - Monday 11 October 2010 4:07

87 you mad?

Reply

GeekMaster6000 | 3

#1531993 - Monday 11 October 2010 9:47

To be honest, I think you'd have to be retarded to have the train in your sites, and just give up on catching it.

Reply

bibilovesu | 0

#1532015 - Monday 11 October 2010 9:51

haha that was amazing ^ win

Reply

bibilovesu | 0

#1532023 - Monday 11 October 2010 9:52

o fail that was at #54

By Magick | 0

#1528243 - Sunday 10 October 2010 19:03

Lmao indeed yu are

Reply

cole86 | 0

#1528327 - Sunday 10 October 2010 19:19

Jew jitsu!

Reply

sourgirl101 | 28

#1528502 - Sunday 10 October 2010 20:03

Geometry

Gee•I'm•a•tree

Reply

john7h567hgrd | 0

#1529066 - Monday 11 October 2010 0:19

so you missed the door... and hit the side of the train?

Reply

cole86 | 0

#1529558 - Monday 11 October 2010 2:22

how'd I get moderated? all I said was Jew Jitsu?

Reply

myknewverr | 0

#1531888 - Monday 11 October 2010 9:35

hahaha epic!

Reply

hellomynameisada | 0

#1536476 - Tuesday 12 October 2010 7:29

r nt u dead?

By LexSwift | 17

#1528245 - Sunday 10 October 2010 19:03

Wait. I don't get it... lol

Reply

KayBizz | 0

#1528349 - Sunday 10 October 2010 19:22

I think he just slammed into the door itself

By warpig182 | 0

#1528250 - Sunday 10 October 2010 19:05

LAST

By Lounia_fml | 8

#1528252 - Sunday 10 October 2010 19:06

Shouldn't you be dead?

Reply

KiddNYC1O | 20

#1528444 - Sunday 10 October 2010 19:47

it's actually not that bad, you get jammed between the doors and enjoy the ride as your clothes get dirty.

Reply

hypezster | 0

#1528468 - Sunday 10 October 2010 19:55

no when he ran he hit the doors when it was close - also people do this all the time this is not a fml

Reply

5t3ff1k4h | 44

#1528494 - Sunday 10 October 2010 20:02

No. The train didn't run over him. He just missed and probably fell as the train pulled away.

Reply

azhein | 0

#1528655 - Sunday 10 October 2010 20:56

I don't think the train was moving yet I think the doors just shut before he could get in

Reply

5t3ff1k4h | 44

#1528873 - Sunday 10 October 2010 22:25

True enough. Though, OP still wouldn't be dead.

Reply

KiddNYC1O | 20

#1528983 - Sunday 10 October 2010 23:14

What did 31 say?

By metallicatime | 0

#1528254 - Sunday 10 October 2010 19:07

don't be an Asian and push as many people as possible in

Reply

thikimo | 0

#1528273 - Sunday 10 October 2010 19:11

you should see Japan..

By Lifeisntfair13 | 0

#1528277 - Sunday 10 October 2010 19:12

wait I don't get it! did you get squashed? you would be dead! did you fall ?

By Pain_and_Misery | 0

#1528279 - Sunday 10 October 2010 19:12

Wow that sucks

By sam_08_fml | 0

#1528283 - Sunday 10 October 2010 19:13

Im confused what happened after u missed??

By whcwtexan | 0

#1528289 - Sunday 10 October 2010 19:14

YDI for being a dumbass...