Miscellaneous: Today, I took one of those IQ tests on the internet. I cheated... - FML

13/04/2009 18:42 - United States

Today, I took one of those IQ tests on the internet. I cheated and still got a 70. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 237

You deserved it 79 356

Dementia or hate? You decide

Commando

BO Central

Can't wait for the next time

By cowboy_gold - 25/01/2020 05:00

Spicy

Today, I came back to my dorm only to hear my neighbor having loud sex. I thought I was just thinking when I said, "At least do it against the other wall," but when I was left later on, he walked by, apologized and said that he thought I wasn't home, and promised to be more quiet next time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 796

You deserved it 475

02/06/2019 00:02

Today, I started working at an extremely prestigious bank. In the first five minutes of being there, the boss had me do his laundry at a Laundromat, and when I actually tried to work, he kept showing me some magic tricks. Later on, he fired me for HIS mistake of giving an extra $400 to a customer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 141

You deserved it 126

30/05/2011 18:11 - United States

Today, my second roommate in less then a week got a DUI. Both roommates are demanding that I drive them around for free until they get their licenses back, or else they won't have the funds to pay their rent. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 894

You deserved it 3 664

04/06/2009 17:09 - United States

Today, I had a date with this guy. I waited at the restaurant for an hour and he didn't show. Thinking he stood me up, I went over to his place and keyed his car. Then I realized the date was for tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 090

You deserved it 152 423

06/03/2014 16:24 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I thought I'd finally finished the special project my boss gave me of changing the eligibility details on several hundred loans. My coworker later pointed out that the document was the same as it had been hours before, and that the changes I made hadn't saved at all. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 359

You deserved it 7 419

Alexa, play "Hot Hot Hot" by The Cure

By Talented73 - 07/07/2021 16:01 - United States - Yonkers

Today, we're in the middle of a heatwave. When I woke up this morning, I noticed that my scrotum was stuck to the side of my leg from all the perspiration. I had to actually peel it off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 788

You deserved it 125

Knock out

By Anonymous - 25/02/2020 14:00

Today, I treated myself to a Thai massage. The masseuse was so aggressive and intense, she left me with injuries on my hands and back. I paid $60 for someone to hurt me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 563

You deserved it 324

26/12/2009 07:22 - Australia

Spicy

Today, I had two surprises for my boyfriend who was at work. One was a dessert and the other was sexy lingerie. He chose the dessert. Then told me I was an idiot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 365

You deserved it 5 069

12/08/2010 09:03 - United States

Today, I went on a trip with some people from work to watch a baseball game. Halfway through the game, one of my managers shook my hand and said "Nice to Meet You." I've been working there for 3 months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 176

You deserved it 4 513

07/10/2011 06:41 - Bolivia

Today, my future mother-in-law gave me advice on life. One piece of advice was that I should leave her son. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 628

You deserved it 2 703

21/08/2014 16:36

Today, some random bloke introduced himself at a bar by asking to fuck me. I got tongue-tied trying to say both "fuck off" and "please go away". I ended up telling him to "Please fuck away." FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 565

You deserved it 7 846

03/12/2018 14:00

Today, my son begged me to take him to the doctor for the weeping bloody rash on his penis so I had to take an unpaid day off for his appointment. The doctor laughed us out the door after it turned out to be a good old-fashioned friction burn. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 166

You deserved it 528

Delusional

By Anonymous - 28/12/2020 11:02

Today, my sister made serious plans to move to another country to be closer to the married man she's having an affair with. She thinks this will force him to leave his family. I know who will have to listen to her whining when she is sitting all alone in a different country. FML

I agree, your life sucks 915

You deserved it 86

10/06/2013 05:09 - Australia - Aspley

Today, I was told by my grandfather that I was no longer allowed to visit him or to set foot in his house. Why? He found out I have been taking Japanese and German as electives in my degree, so I must be an 'enemy spy'. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 907

You deserved it 5 223

07/12/2015 10:11

Spicy

Today, I got back from a week long holiday with my new girlfriend. I started thinking about her whilst talking to my parents and reflexively cupped my mother's ass. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 200

You deserved it 30 903

24/10/2018 03:00

Today, I was cleaning out my room and picked up my bed and found a condom. I'm 15 and still a virgin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 545

You deserved it 206

11/02/2010 12:22 - United States

Today, I found out that I was not adopted and in fact my parents are my biological parents. How did I find out? Over dinner. How long have I been believing I was adopted? 22 years. Why did I start believing I was adopted? My siblings thought it would be a funny joke. My mom played along. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 647

You deserved it 3 468

Unforgettable

By Anonymous - 25/10/2019 12:00 - Australia - Perth

Today, it was my first day of work at my new job. I got dressed and arrived early, only to find out that the store had closed due to a power outage. Then I found out that the person who'd hired me had totally forgotten about hiring me anyway. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 846

You deserved it 104

25/05/2011 13:55 - Australia

Today, my boss and I were preparing a lunch order for a nearby real-estate agency. I noticed that the order was riddled with spelling mistakes, so I laughed and mocked the realtors calling them stupid and incompetent. My boss then pointed out that the order was written in his handwriting. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 908

You deserved it 40 734

03/12/2015 12:52 - South Africa

Spicy

Today, I gave my boyfriend a blowjob for the first time. He came. A lot. I doubt I'll remember it as anything other than, "The day I found out what sneezing semen feels like." FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 312

You deserved it 4 071

Jaws

By Anonymous - 17/05/2020 05:00 - Australia

Today, I was violently sick. There was so much vomit forcing itself out that I dislocated my jaw. I continued throwing up with a dislocated jaw for an hour or so. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 063

You deserved it 128

09/11/2010 00:38 - United States

Today, my daughter got engaged. Her fiancé is not only 25 years older than her, but was her teacher in middle school. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 967

You deserved it 4 535

23/09/2012 00:37 - United States - San Angelo

Today, after months of believing my house is haunted, and years of being scared of the dark, I finally had to admit to myself that the only way I can go to the bathroom in the middle of the night is if my cat follows me and sits outside the door. I'm 23. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 490

You deserved it 7 778

22/01/2009 21:31 - United States

Today, I got a mailer from Adam and Eve with a bunch of hard core porn ads inside. I have been getting these since i ordered a Pirate porn video a few months ago. I was gone for a few weeks overseas. My mother-in-law was getting the mail. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 272

You deserved it 28 039

TFIF!

By Heartbroken - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - Australia

Today, I have to be at work with a smile on my face, whilst sitting next to the asshole who dumped me last week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 810

You deserved it 5 817

09/11/2011 22:48 - United States

Spicy

Today, I found out that my 20-year-old boyfriend won't touch my boobs because he is afraid his parents will find out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 431

You deserved it 5 646

22/01/2010 00:14 - France

Today, my long term boyfriend took me to my favorite restaurant. After the main course he knelt down and finally proposed to me. I was so happy I almost cried. Until an old woman came over and said I was way to old for him. I'm 3 years younger than my fiancé. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 839

You deserved it 2 688

17/06/2016 05:57 - United States - Rancho Cordova

Today, I fell down the stairs of my apartment building because I thought my cat was a ghost. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 578

You deserved it 3 981

Easy mistake

By NoFightResponse - 24/04/2009 03:53 - United States

Today, I parked my car on the street late at night, when I was distracted by a text message. Some guy then gets in my passenger side. Panicked, thinking I was being robbed, I bolt out of my car bruising my head and dropping my phone onto the pavement. The guy meant to get in the car behind me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 179

You deserved it 7 103

Let me speak to the manager

By Anonymous - 18/06/2013 00:27 - United States - San Jose

Today, I started my new job as a cashier for a drugstore. As I scanned some children's medicine for a family, I gave the girl a tissue because her nose was running. Later, my boss sat me down and told me there had been a complaint about a "female pedo-employee." I'm the only woman working there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 015

You deserved it 2 755

25/08/2009 04:26 - Canada

Today, I bailed my soon to be ex-husband out of jail after he'd been arrested for soliciting. Soliciting an undercover cop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 659

You deserved it 7 113

02/12/2018 05:00

Today, despite my protests and warnings, my mother-in-law decided to chemically straighten my bi-racial daughter’s very curly hair. Hours later, not only is her scalp is raw and red, her hair is stringy completely fried and coming out in huge noticeable clumps. Fml

I agree, your life sucks 3 901

You deserved it 321

17/06/2010 02:22 - United States

Today, my new step-dad proposed to my mom during a family trip to Wal-Mart. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 444

You deserved it 4 127

06/07/2019 07:00

Today, I had to go claim benefits for the first time since working and paying taxes from the age of 16. I’m 50. They offered me an emergency payment of £1200, and I said no because I was too embarrassed to accept “charity.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 709

You deserved it 2 492

26/09/2009 16:43 - United States

Today, it is my three-year-anniversary with my boyfriend. I asked if he had planned anything for us, and he said yes. My parents volunteered to watch our daughter, I got all excited, and apparently our "plans" are to watch a football game. What do I get to do? Make sandwiches. For him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 754

You deserved it 8 527

30/08/2013 04:11 - United States - Ellicott City

Today, I found out I was 13th in a graduating class of about 350 students. When I told my mother, without batting an eye, she told me, "Hey, shit floats". FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 534

You deserved it 2 968

23/03/2009 19:37 - United States

Spicy

Today, I had an anxiety attack when I was hanging out with my boyfriend. He pulled me close to him and I started to feel better, until he put my hand down his pants and around his penis and said, "Here! Try this to take your mind off it." FML

I agree, your life sucks 73 578

You deserved it 8 995

America, fuck yeah

By BrazilianGal - 12/08/2021 02:01

Today, a lady at the clothing store told me to, “Stop speaking 'Mexicano', this is America!” when I was talking on the phone. I actually speak Portuguese. When I pointed this out, she verbally tortured me and threatened to, “Call the cops” if I didn’t leave her store for, “making her feel threatened.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 160

You deserved it 123

You're my mommy now

By Lissy - 05/01/2021 14:02

Today, and everyday since we got a puppy in March, my husband is jealous of the puppy who follows me everywhere. He was the one that wanted the puppy and now he practically hates it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 820

You deserved it 177

03/02/2010 20:10 - France

Today, my mom woke me up and asked if I wanted breakfast. I had passed out naked on the kitchen floor after a party. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 062

You deserved it 40 550

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Tuesday 14 April 2009 2:57

YDI for cheating, and also for thinking that internet IQ tests are even remotely legitimate. Did you also get a free Xbox?

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Tuesday 14 April 2009 2:57

Ouch. How did you manage to do that? Like epic fail. No offense. Actually, it was prob the site. Anyone who can work the internet has greater than 70 IQ.

Comments

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Tuesday 14 April 2009 2:56

obviously....the score is also based on time first!

thesparkman97 0

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Friday 12 August 2011 6:49

YDI for believing that crap, and YDI for being a dumbass.

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Tuesday 14 April 2009 2:57

Ouch. How did you manage to do that? Like epic fail. No offense. Actually, it was prob the site. Anyone who can work the internet has greater than 70 IQ.

UnearthlyEnemy 9

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Tuesday 2 February 2010 19:43

Tch. It's a timed thing. If you look it up, it'll lower your score.

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Monday 10 May 2010 0:15

it has to be fake. anything 70 and lower is mentally retarded.

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Saturday 12 June 2010 14:38

That's not necessarily true number 2...

SilenceIsSilver 0

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Sunday 13 March 2011 19:33

Haha that's cute! Just don't look em up next time x3

FujisakiChihiro 24

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Thursday 10 March 2016 21:09

"Anyone who can work the internet has greater than 70 IQ." I don't know about that; I've seen my fair share of morons on the internet.

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Tuesday 14 April 2009 2:57

YDI for cheating, and also for thinking that internet IQ tests are even remotely legitimate. Did you also get a free Xbox?

M0rt 0

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Friday 28 October 2011 3:10

Real IQ tests are legit. Random ones on the Internet are usually bullshit

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Thursday 16 February 2012 23:32

All IQ tests are pointless. The formula is mental age over physical age times 100. By that system any children who develop slightly faster would be considerd genuises and a 60 year old could complete the test with the same answers of a 40 year old and still get a lower score. By no means can you judge someones intellegence with one of these tests. It may be able to compare you to your age group, but it it overlooks many factors that could come into play during testing.

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Tuesday 14 April 2009 2:57

Must not have cheated real hard.

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Monday 19 April 2010 2:23

Yeah he prob just used online sources. That's why I decided to keep a pocket Asian. They Are perfect because they fit perfectly since they are so small. LET THE STERIOTYPES BEGIN!!!!!!!!

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Monday 10 May 2010 0:17

lol ur my hero!

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Tuesday 14 April 2009 2:57

lol dumbass

I_Deserved_It 8

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Tuesday 14 April 2009 2:58

Then you probably cheated to get the wrong answers?

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Tuesday 14 April 2009 2:58

gg

XvxvX 0

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Tuesday 14 April 2009 3:00

Dont cheat dumbass lol

qwertyuiop8989 0

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Tuesday 14 April 2009 2:59

Isn't that considered to be mentally retarded?

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Tuesday 14 April 2009 3:03

Online IQ tests mean nothing. I've took one before and got a 30. I wouldn't be able to take the test if I were really that mentally retarded.

Nearly

Today, I just had the best sex in all my life. After that, my ex-girlfriend dumped me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53

You deserved it 6

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 115

You deserved it 8

Spicy

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend came out as a polyamorous, and then immediately asked me if he could date another guy I thought was my friend. I’m such a pushover, I said yes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 92

You deserved it 293

Today, I have an internal defibrillator from trauma to my heart 12 years ago. I finally experienced for the first time what it's like when it shocks me. Nothing says I'm a keeper like getting kicked in the chest and smacked upside the back of the head with a baseball bat while clapping cheeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 596

You deserved it 69