Work: Today, I took my printer to work because the one in my office... - FML

Nearly

28/09/2021 01:05

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53

You deserved it 5

27/09/2021 06:27

Today, I have to get up and go to work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57

You deserved it 103

Spicy

Spicy

Unfriended

By thethrowawayplace - 15/10/2021 17:00

Spicy

Today, my friend was watching a black guy getting yelled at by the cops on TV. He then decided to yell, "Wow, ni***** really don't know how to behave!" When I didn't react, he yelled it over and over, until I slunk into my room. He knows I'm part black. FML

I agree, your life sucks 692

You deserved it 111

Grind mindset

By MyStomachHurts - 15/10/2021 05:00

Spicy

Today, my boss wrote me up for taking too many bathroom breaks. I tried calling in sick with a bad case of indigestion, but he told me to just power through it because, "it can't possibly be that bad." I have been in severe, persistent discomfort the whole damn day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 633

You deserved it 42

19/10/2014 04:11

Today, I took my printer to work because the one in my office is broken. When I tried to leave, my boss stopped me and accused me of stealing it from the office. Nobody would believe me when I explained. Now my boss has a new printer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 596

You deserved it 6 543

Mother of the year

BO Central

Broken heart

05/05/2013 05:44

Spicy

Today, I tried to show my boyfriend's mom a picture of my prom dress on my phone. She scrolled to the right to find a picture of her son, naked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 122

You deserved it 78 739

17/04/2015 19:50

Today, my boss showed me a two-page letter from a customer, complaining about me because I couldn't honor a coupon that expired in 2009. He agreed that I did the right thing by refusing it, but said it would be a black mark on my record anyway due to the complaint. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 264

You deserved it 1 935

27/03/2019 07:00

Today, I was happy about finally having the time to pot up the $50 worth of reblooming iris's I bought. Until I went into the garage and couldn't find them. My husband cleaned up and threw them in the garbage. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 918

You deserved it 258

12/03/2010 15:06

Today, I got a package in the mail from my girlfriend. I was really excited until I realized that it was just a box full things that I gave to her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 122

You deserved it 2 469

26/08/2009 14:17

Today, my 5-year-old daughter saw a pad commercial. She asked me what they were, but I didn't think she was old enough to hear it. I just told her that they're like diapers for mommies. Now she won't stop telling people that mommy wears diapers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 971

You deserved it 46 361

Shower sex time?

By mark - 31/12/2011 17:40

Spicy

Today, my wife was about to take a shower, when she called me into the bathroom. She stripped me off and pulled me in with her. As I started to get into it, she sighed, "Thank god. You really needed a shower." FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 649

You deserved it 40 002

22/11/2010 22:26

Spicy

Today, I told my husband that I wanted to take advantage of the alone time we would have while our kids are visiting my parents. My idea? A nice dinner out and kinky sex all night long. His idea? Chinese buffet and subsequent dutch ovens in bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 342

You deserved it 3 957

11/04/2013 20:21

Today, I found out that my classmates hate me so much that they have a seating arrangement where people have to sit next to me on a rotating basis. A fight broke out yesterday because someone tried to skip their turn. FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 188

You deserved it 17 447

20/03/2009 03:34

Today, I went to confession. I told the priest that I had an intimate relationship with a woman that I'm not married to. He chuckled and said, "You know, lying is a sin too." I wasn't lying. FML

I agree, your life sucks 69 568

You deserved it 9 540

17/04/2016 18:48

Today, 5 minutes before I had to leave for school, my friends convinced me it was "pajama day" at school. I showed up in slippers and Sponge Bob pajamas. My school wouldn't let me go home to change. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 563

You deserved it 7 276

29/04/2013 07:08

Spicy

Today, I was getting into the mood with my boyfriend. Ten minutes into it, I told him to "teach me a lesson." His response: "I ain't no teacher." FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 620

You deserved it 13 003

08/07/2011 05:23

Today, my drunk father chased me down the street with my little brother's light saber screaming, "Come back Yoda! Teach me how to use the force!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 891

You deserved it 4 884

29/11/2009 05:16

Today, it was my birthday. My boyfriend was kind enough to give me prescription strength deodorant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 080

You deserved it 7 721

15/03/2013 10:28

Spicy

Today, while I was going down on my husband, our 3-year-old daughter woke up and started crying from the other room. He practically burst into tears too, whining that she was doing it on purpose to ruin his fun. He was serious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 781

You deserved it 6 165

05/02/2016 10:27

Spicy

Today, we had my grandmother with dementia round for tea. She looked me up and down and said, very matter-of-factly, "Well, with a figure like that, no one will rape you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 194

You deserved it 2 363

17/02/2009 02:29

Today, my 5 year old nephew showed me green martians he'd made with his new Play Doh set. I smiled and said, "Wow! Now, how about some blue martians!" He looked at me and replied, "How about some blue shut the fuck up?!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 266 939

You deserved it 90 628

26/01/2010 06:56

Spicy

Today, I tried talking to my boyfriend about our sex life. I was trying to express that I feel like we don't do it enough, but he wasn't very responsive. I ended up saying, "I wish you had a bigger sex drive" to which he answered, "I wish you had bigger boobs." FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 781

You deserved it 10 102

17/06/2010 16:12

Today, I found out that we have six skunks under my shed. While I was mowing the lawn, they all came out and sprayed me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 475

You deserved it 4 033

18/11/2011 13:30

Today, I was practicing my lines for theater class in the hall. My partner and I chose a script where we argue over me stealing her boyfriend. Since it started to sound like a real argument, another student said that I was a "crazy bitch" and punched me in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 914

You deserved it 4 381

07/01/2011 03:23

Today, my 2 year-old son decided to pee on the dog for the second day in a row. I'm afraid this will turn into a routine thing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 834

You deserved it 5 141

09/11/2009 05:49

Today, I was at the mall, I saw a girl crying that her ice cream had fallen on the floor. Feeling generous, I bought her a new one. She threw it on the ground, laughed, and came over to her mom and told that I was bothering her, so the mom called security. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 567

You deserved it 4 988

21/03/2009 23:04

Today, after a hard day's work and emotional argument with my best friend, I sent my boyfriend a text telling him how much I loved him and cherished him in the hopes he would cheer me up with a romantic reply. He said "Sorry, I've only got 8 texts left." FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 247

You deserved it 6 761

20/01/2015 04:42

Spicy

Today, while trying some new kinky things with my boyfriend, he cried out, "Call me Jesus!" Yeah... I think we're done with that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 015

You deserved it 4 519

03/03/2016 22:36

Today, I had to attend a meeting with my parents, my teacher, and my bully and his parents. When we started, my bully "broke down" and "tearfully" told the teacher that I was the one bullying him, and that he was getting blamed to cover it all up. They believed him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 696

You deserved it 1 388

14/02/2011 18:51

Today, I was working as an intern at a day care. One of the kids touched my chest a couple of times, and I jokingly told him that he shouldn't touch old and ugly women like me. So he started groping the little girls instead. When the other teachers asked him why, he said I had told him to. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 310

You deserved it 12 908

21/04/2015 16:45

Today, whilst in the last week of my notice period, I was instructed by my boss to tell six new employees that their jobs had fallen through before they'd even started. Later that afternoon, I received a call from my line manager. Guess whose own job has fallen through too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 172

You deserved it 2 171

21/03/2012 07:27

Spicy

Today, after a year of coaxing, I got my boyfriend of 18 months to agree to have sex with me. He decided his first course of action was to try to shove his flaccid penis into my unlubricated vagina. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 337

You deserved it 11 287

01/03/2010 05:23

Today, I saw a man on the bus with the strangest band shirt I have ever seen. I could not help but stare at it and try and figure what the band was, until he turned to me and said "why not take a picture asshole?" then got off the bus. As he walked away I saw that he was missing an arm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 392

You deserved it 6 176

13/02/2009 19:18

Today, I told my mom I was going through a growth spurt. She said "Yeah, horizontally." FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 705

You deserved it 6 943

02/04/2016 09:23

Today, my sister called me a moron after I told her that no, healthy foods do not give you "negative calories". She's 21 and goes around telling everyone that she's an expert nutritionist. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 400

You deserved it 1 629

11/11/2014 18:56

Today, I walked into my bathroom, only to find my dad passed out on the floor with his pants around his ankles. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 013

You deserved it 3 046

02/12/2011 17:06

Today, my mom bought me pepper spray in case anyone tried to "mess" with me. I put it in my purse. Later, a guy snatched my purse before I even had the chance to take out the pepper spray. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 060

You deserved it 4 137

10/02/2011 05:31

Today, to prevent a fistfight at work, I had to mediate a contested debate between two coworkers on what was evidently a very touchy subject: Which is better, the orange creamsicle or the ice cream sandwich? I was the only one to get in trouble for wasting company time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 634

You deserved it 4 643

07/03/2012 18:51

Today, I went with my friends to see a movie. I handed my student card over to the cashier as proof I was old enough to see it, and he started laughing hysterically at my picture. Then he called over a colleague, who also started laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 990

You deserved it 2 998

15/02/2016 20:32

Today, I was miserable with a cold. So I ordered soup and noodles from a new Chinese restaurant. Now I am miserable with a cold and food poisoning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 973

You deserved it 2 240

29/04/2011 14:00

Today, the only person who wished me a happy birthday is the policeman who checked my identity card for being "suspiciously gangster-like". FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 387

You deserved it 5 747

02/01/2013 18:59

Today, I went on a first date with the guy I really like. During our dinner, he said he needed to go to the bathroom. You guessed it: he didn't come back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 882

You deserved it 3 542

11/09/2014 15:44

Today, I was driving to the DMV to take a test, after getting some points removed from my license. On the way there, I got a speeding ticket and got my license suspended completely. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 426

You deserved it 52 609

Size isn't everything!

By Franklin - 18/12/2017 19:00

Today, I attempted to threaten my daughter's boyfriend to keep him from breaking her heart. I'm a 230-pound former soldier. He's a karate black belt. My family watched me get beat up by a 120-pound teenager. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 311

You deserved it 7 761

13/03/2012 04:38

Spicy

Today, I realized that I am so sexually deprived that I get aroused when plugging my headphones into my computer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 496

You deserved it 8 842

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Monday 20 October 2014 0:51

If you don't care about losing your job, I'd report him for theft

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Monday 20 October 2014 0:53

You should've at least told him you were bringing you own printer in.

Comments

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Monday 20 October 2014 0:51

If you don't care about losing your job, I'd report him for theft

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Monday 20 October 2014 4:00

Sue him, take his job, buy his house and car, bang his wife and let him rot in misery. :)

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Monday 20 October 2014 5:29

Calm down satan

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Monday 20 October 2014 19:04

That escalated quickly...

incoherentrmblr 21

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Monday 20 October 2014 20:21

Time to go all Office Space on that old printer...

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Monday 20 October 2014 0:53

You should've at least told him you were bringing you own printer in.

sayyestothedress 24

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Monday 20 October 2014 1:14

Lesson learned

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Monday 20 October 2014 4:23

So you and your work have the exact same looking printer? And on another note, couldn't you have just shown that the broken "work" printer is still there?

DolphinGirl369 11

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Monday 20 October 2014 0:53

Do you have a receipt to prove it's yours? Show it to your boss, and if he still tries to keep it, go above his head and/or report him for theft.

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Monday 20 October 2014 2:04

Dude, you live in the USA.... show the receipt of your printer purchase and then sue your boss!!!

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Monday 20 October 2014 2:08

Who keeps the receipt for everything?

tj4234 35

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Monday 20 October 2014 3:12

#20 People who are careful with their finances and want to keep track of their money, and people who are careful with the product's guarantee...

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Monday 20 October 2014 3:24

Receipt does not mean THAT printer is yours. You could have one at home, and still claim another one. Just saying.

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Monday 20 October 2014 4:05

@32 sometimes receipts have serial numbers

Vegetarian27 24

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Monday 20 October 2014 12:33

#20 My mother. She has every receipt for appliances, furniture etc dating back 30 years. Nobody ever manages to screw her over.

sirpantselot 22

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Tuesday 21 October 2014 5:30

Businesses do. The company should have receipts for all business expenses. If the boss wants to claim the company bought it, he should be able to produce a receipt.

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Monday 20 October 2014 0:55

Kill him

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Monday 20 October 2014 1:01

I like where your mind is at.

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Monday 20 October 2014 1:07

Murder over a printer.. Seems logical

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Monday 20 October 2014 2:02

People have murdered for a lot less, 11.

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Monday 20 October 2014 3:16

I kill you for Klondike bar.

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Monday 20 October 2014 4:20

I think a Klondike bar is much more reasonable.. I mean who doesn't like Klondike bars..

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Monday 20 October 2014 5:10

With your two best friends and help from Motherfucker Jones, you boss seems like a horrible boss

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Monday 20 October 2014 5:27

Killing seems reasonable.

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Monday 20 October 2014 6:38

I can't stop laughing at this comment!

smackaroonial 20

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Monday 20 October 2014 0:57

When you have printed all the documents, then you have my permission to leave.

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Monday 20 October 2014 0:58

YDI. You should have just told the boss and let him but a new one.

relaxedninja 18

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Monday 20 October 2014 5:42

.....

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Tuesday 21 October 2014 6:36

I'm not exactly sure how OP deserves it, but I don't entirely understand your comment either. I would say though, whereas OP should've told his/her boss, I would imagine the boss could see an obvious difference between printers. Plus I'd imagine the boss saw OP bring in the printer

pwnman 33

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Monday 20 October 2014 0:59

There was a small mistake upon your side. Informing your boss about the issue of the printer and bringing the printer is your MAIN priority. However, FYL for losing that printer.

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Monday 20 October 2014 1:00

shouldn't have brought your on printer in. make the company get one that works

sirpantselot 22

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Tuesday 21 October 2014 5:33

Well, OP still has a printer (albeit not at home) but now he doesn't have to pay for paper or ink!

silvercamaro 22

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Monday 20 October 2014 1:02

Doesn't your work have security cameras they can check?

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Monday 20 October 2014 3:07

Those are "broken" too.

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Monday 20 October 2014 1:12

exactly the reason you let the boss handle things that need to be replaced.