Today, I took my kids to the circus. We were having fun, right...

By SheaLili - 7/8/2011 17:14 - United States

Today, I took my kids to the circus. We were having fun, right up until the point they saw an old man dressed as a clown, at which point they screamed, grabbed onto my shorts, and managed to accidentally pull them down. FML

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Kids

Family values

Season finale

Doomed

By callie - 18/6/2011 06:08 - United States

Today, I got some really bad mosquito bites on the outside of my thighs. They itched, and my jeans prevented me from scratching them, so I unbuttoned my pants, stuck my down my leg and started scratching. My mom walked in, and won't believe I wasn't masturbating. FML

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By no low five - 30/11/2011 11:17 - United States

Today, my fiancé insists that instead of kissing at the crucial moment of our wedding ceremony, we should give each other a high five. FML

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By Kidsthesedays - 9/11/2015 19:33 - United Kingdom - Saint Neots

Today, a kid came into the classroom I teach in to tell me there was "something" in the girls' toilets. "What kind of something", I asked? I was not expecting the answer "A period mural". FML

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By Anonymous - 15/2/2016 01:57 - United Kingdom - Hull

Today, after trying for months for a baby, I finally got a positive test. For chlamydia. FML

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By Anon - 3/10/2009 11:43 - Australia

Today, I broke up with my boyfriend. I found out he was seeing someone behind my back: my ex-boyfriend. FML

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By sophie - 13/4/2011 16:36 - United States

Today, my teacher told me I wasn't pretty enough to play the princess part in the play. FML

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By Anonymous - 16/6/2009 07:03 - United States

Today, my toddler peed in his potty for the first time. He was so excited to show me that he flung the pot in the air dousing my face with his piss. Then he laughed. FML

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By yulis - 30/11/2013 19:21 - United States - Hagerstown

Today, I got pulled over on the highway for going over the speed limit. The cop seemed nice, and I was sure he'd let me off with a warning, until my husband piped up with, "Didn't think you folks came out this far. What, the donut store got shut down or some shit?" I got the ticket. FML

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By anonymous - 11/3/2020 06:00 - Canada

Higher education

Today, I realized that all the swirling techniques I learned in chemistry labs has helped me to swirl alcoholic ingredients properly in my drinks to get the best mixtures. Thanks university. FML

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By blaise - 13/4/2009 17:39 - United States

Today, my girlfriend of 8 years dumped me. When I asked if there was another guy, she responded, "You were the other guy". FML

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By thefoolwhorippedhispants - 20/4/2018 01:30

Today, I came home from work to realize I had a massive rip in my shorts from my crotch to my crack. I have to lean over constantly in front of dozens of people at my job. Not one person said anything, but now I know why they were chuckling. FML

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By lulu - 11/2/2012 10:19 - United States

Today, my dog attacked me because I had a chicken costume on for a party. I'm currently in a hospital, dressed as a chicken, waiting for medical assistance. FML

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By Anonymous - 3/9/2009 09:48 - United States

Today, I was able to check my voicemail and email for the first time in two weeks. The only message I got was from my landlord telling me that the house I'm renting is in foreclosure, and I needed to have all my stuff out in ten days. He left the message nine days ago. FML

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By anon - 5/9/2016 08:17 - New Zealand - Hamilton

Today, I gained the courage to talk to the guy I have a crush on. In a dying part of the conversation, I panicked and ended up asking him if he was gay. He replied no and seemed offended, so I quickly added, "You just seem a little gay sometimes, in a good way." He took more offense and left. FML

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By chris - 5/5/2020 14:00

Frustration level 100

Today, I saw my bike locked outside a Starbucks down the street from my house. It was stolen about 10 days ago from my communal laundry room. There was even a cop parked across the street, but I have no proof to show that bike even belonged to me. FML

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By tessamarque - 5/4/2012 15:07 - United States - Bartlesville

Today, I watched my cat walk to her litter box, look at it, then walk across the room to pee on a backpack. FML

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By Anonymous - 19/3/2009 05:17 - United States

Today, I got a phone call, and the person on the other line started speaking French. I assumed it was my friend since we usually speak French with each other, so I said in French "What do you want, asshole?". It wasn't my friend. It was a representative for the exchange program I'm applying for. FML

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By Anonymous - 25/12/2009 08:14 - Canada

Today, I found out my ex got invited to our Christmas Party. I also found out that she got much more presents and money from my family than I did. FML

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By mylifesucks - 10/7/2013 20:10 - United States - Ellijay

Today, I was walking down the street and saw a man trip over a sign. He then grabbed his cane, started screaming, and began beating the sign. Apparently that didn't release his anger, so he began to beat the nearest car. I thought it was hilarious, until I noticed it was my car. FML

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By Anonymous - 9/5/2015 20:50

Today, my drunk grandma flashed me, after confusing me, a 19 year old girl, for my grandpa. FML

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By ohdear - 27/1/2011 13:07 - United Kingdom

Time flies by

Today, my husband and I are celebrating our 5th wedding anniversary. It's also the 5th anniversary of the last time he made me orgasm. FML

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By tawnaciousd - 10/9/2009 06:35 - United States

Today, my sister surprised me by cleaning my room and doing my laundry. She found my journal, condoms and vibrator and decided to share her findings with my family. Oh yes... she also shrunk half my wardrobe. FML

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By Anonymous - 10/8/2009 07:10 - United States

Today, my mom drove me to football practice. On the way she told me that she thought I was gay and that my friend was my lover. After 15 agonizing minutes of this, we get to my practice only to be greeted by my shirtless friend wearing a pink bandana saying "Man, you hit me hard last night." FML

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By abonde29 - 24/5/2018 20:30

Today, I got a text from my cousin saying he's gay. I was thrilled and told him I'm bisexual. He later texted me saying that his friend took his phone and said that. He also told all of our relatives. I accidentally came out to my family. FML

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By anonymous - 5/2/2013 05:22 - United States - Hampton

Today, at a friendly get-together, my friend's husband had too much to drink and got into a fistfight with my husband. I'm seven-and-a-half months pregnant, and the friendly get-together was my baby shower. FML

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By You'veHadTwoWeeksToTellMe - 24/4/2017 12:00 - Australia - Melbourne

Today, one hour before bedtime on the last day of the school holidays, my kids informed me that they need art smocks for school. They have no idea why I'm frustrated. FML

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By numbat97 - 14/6/2019 02:00 - Australia - Burswood

Today, I bought some mandarins so that there would be at least one healthy thing in my shopping basket, and I wouldn’t feel like such a fat lard at the checkout. FML

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By ilook12 - 24/6/2015 03:23 - United States - Paris

Today, we had customer complaints of a child molester hanging around our restaurant. After confrontation by a manager, he wouldn't leave. I had to be walked to my car after my shift by more than one person because I look 12 and they were afraid for me. I'm almost 19. FML

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By :/ - 5/4/2015 00:44 - United States - Groton

Today, I had a date over for the first time since I moved out. I made a beautiful dinner… for one of us. I'm so used to cooking for just myself that I only made one serving. FML

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By Anonymous - 19/10/2010 09:07 - Australia

Today, I found out that the friend I stayed up with for nights on end, talking out of depression and suicide, has 'politely' posted up on facebook that he secretly hates me. FML

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By rubberduck_of_doom - 9/3/2018 19:00

Today, after months of begging, I finally convinced my friends to go skiing with me. On our first run I suggested a race. Everybody loved the idea. Good news: I came in first. Bad news: I tore a ligament in my knee. It will be operated on tomorrow. FML

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By Anonymous - 25/7/2014 02:04 - Canada - Burnaby

Today, after months of job hunting, I finally got a phone interview with a company. Excited, I prepared for the interview and conducted extensive research on the company. The interview ended within a minute. They'd got the wrong person. FML

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By Ya - 10/5/2009 14:18 - United States

Today, I missed my flight because I was stopped by airport security. They found "small, suspicious, spherical objects" in my purse on the X-ray. After pulling me out of line, taking my purse aside and carefully opening it with tongs, they removed the bag of grapes I had packed as a snack. FML

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By Anonymous - 12/12/2011 06:00 - United States

Today, my mother refused to agree with any of my logic because it's "not in the bible." She can't find any fault with it, just refuses to agree with it. FML

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By mortifiedgrandchild - 9/1/2012 18:53 - United States

Today, I came across a picture of my grandpa taking a hit off a bong, while wearing nothing but a Playboy shirt. FML

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By Anonymous - 5/6/2020 05:00

Manly men fighting

Today, my boyfriend got drunk and had a fistfight with a dumb teenager, which was bad enough, but he also lost the fight, which was just pathetic and embarrassing. FML

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By woofwoof - 30/12/2015 04:17 - Turkey - Izmir

Today, I got mugged while walking my dog. He seemed to be OK with it. FML

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By BiteMe14 - 7/1/2011 19:10 - United States

Today, I told my boyfriend about my foot phobia. To help me "get over it", he took his socks off, pinned me down, and rubbed his foot against my face until I started sobbing. FML

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By TheCrackerNinja - 26/11/2010 00:55 - United States

Today, after weeks of my girlfriend telling me to be romantic, I decided to make a romantic bath for us, complete with oil bath beads. After we get ready to take the bath, she puts her hand in the water and says she won't get it because 'it feels slimy'. I enjoyed a romantic bath alone. FML

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By leaftheerickson - 21/10/2012 10:31 - United States - Bohemia

Today, I tried to do my leaf collection project for biology, which ended with me being hospitalized because of an allergy attack. I have no idea what I'm allergic to, but my doctor says I should just assume I'm "allergic to all leaves, ever." FML

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Top comments

By Kwejee | 1

#3060204 - Monday 8 August 2011 0:58

I don't blame them. Clowns are fucking scary.

By ckr911 | 5

#3060205 - Monday 8 August 2011 0:58

......I really hope you wore underwear. O.o

COMMENTS

By Simpson143 | 2

#3060182 - Monday 8 August 2011 0:56

You never know! Maybe he was a pedophile...?

WCARlover | 34

#3060397 - Monday 8 August 2011 1:11

He who? Her kid? The clown wasn't the one who did it

AaronTkr | 0

#3060446 - Monday 8 August 2011 1:16

if OP is a girl, that's hawt :3

Simpson143 | 2

#3060654 - Monday 8 August 2011 1:50

Yeah I know, but old man in a clown suit? I guess I'm the only one who finds that creepy.

baddud300 | 6

#3061311 - Monday 8 August 2011 4:49

Next time just take them to see that new Planet of the Apes movie.

daniel1_1 | 13

#3061566 - Monday 8 August 2011 5:43

Killer Klowns From Outer Space.

chuckychan | 8

#3062246 - Monday 8 August 2011 7:59

future job opening at the circus for you? Way to beat the economy.

number0 | 8

#3062335 - Monday 8 August 2011 8:18

Coulrophobia at its finest :)

taylor714 | 7

#4089623 - Sunday 26 February 2012 2:02

tht movie was so corny tht it was actually funny

By Kwejee | 1

#3060204 - Monday 8 August 2011 0:58

I don't blame them. Clowns are fucking scary.

cmyk | 19

#3060300 - Monday 8 August 2011 1:04

True that.. Clowns are not cool. Not the slightest..

Legolandlord | 4

#3060956 - Monday 8 August 2011 3:12

What about old clowns?

ubetrwatchBN | 5

#3061901 - Monday 8 August 2011 6:54

Unless they get hurt. Then it's hilarious. Lol

SirObvious | 1

#3062453 - Monday 8 August 2011 8:47

Who's the clown now?

bluejayfan02 | 27

#3062928 - Monday 8 August 2011 9:45

once this clown chaced me around for 5 minute .. flipin scary

By ckr911 | 5

#3060205 - Monday 8 August 2011 0:58

......I really hope you wore underwear. O.o

ifailplzinsultme | 0

#3060630 - Monday 8 August 2011 1:47

What if he wore his Hello Kitty underwear? I can't say that I've never worn em

reallytho3 | 11

#3061028 - Monday 8 August 2011 3:24

Lol theirs no fun in wearing underwear

WellThatSucksMaj | 0

#3061131 - Monday 8 August 2011 3:54

Horrified looks from everyone in the room......

phatdaddy62 | 23

#3062092 - Monday 8 August 2011 7:35

I believe op is female. No panties please!

By BIEBERSLAYER | 10

#3060248 - Monday 8 August 2011 1:00

They should be scared "it" can travel through your drains on it's way to kill you

Natty7 | 0

#3061811 - Monday 8 August 2011 6:37

That movie gave me terrible nightmares. lol.

Psychoticninja | 4

#3062629 - Monday 8 August 2011 9:03

D: Whenever I take a shower I have to distract myself from looking at the drain otherwise I get super scared.

InvaderAmi | 4

#3062778 - Monday 8 August 2011 9:22

Oh man, that movie was fuckin' scary...
Urf.

BelleBelle_fml | 11

#3063005 - Monday 8 August 2011 10:06

Tim Curry is awesome!

steveakafranxy | 7

#3067334 - Tuesday 9 August 2011 1:34

I heard they're remaking it. I'm definitely first in line.

By Jdeluxh | 12

#3060272 - Monday 8 August 2011 1:02

Hopefully you have a clown fetish.

By MrPositive | 0

#3060276 - Monday 8 August 2011 1:02

Clowns are scary I don't blame them

By WCARlover | 34

#3060323 - Monday 8 August 2011 1:06

I don't get why clowns are at circuses anymore...movies have ruined them for kids forever

lolololer | 8

#3061285 - Monday 8 August 2011 4:47

Joker *shudders*

BIEBERSLAYER | 10

#3061466 - Monday 8 August 2011 5:22

The joker is nice compared to "IT"

Nerdfightersrule | 11

#4285763 - Tuesday 10 April 2012 20:10

i know

By hzlzkgzkgzchxuxh | 3

#3060326 - Monday 8 August 2011 1:06

Haha, clowns scare the sh** outta me too

By perdix | 29

#3060386 - Monday 8 August 2011 1:10

The clown was pissed because the joke in your shorts was funnier than any of his gags.

By RavenLovesGir | 0

#3060487 - Monday 8 August 2011 1:22

I would of done the exact same thing. Clowns are fucked up...

JROlivo | 0

#4034208 - Tuesday 14 February 2012 16:28

You say you are one of the few people who know how to type with correct grammar. Lol. Yet in your comment you said "would OF" instead of 'would HAVE'. (: great day.

Hiimhaileypotter | 52

#5908906 - Wednesday 9 April 2014 3:49

Well, she doesn't know correct grammar then, does she? ;)