Today, I took my car to a drive-through car wash. It wasn't until...

By Anonymous - 15/1/2012 09:44 - United States

Today, I took my car to a drive-through car wash. It wasn't until after my back seat was filled with foam and I had been squirted in the face that I realized my back seat window was rolled down. FML

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Transportation

Last dates

Great speech, thanks!

Basic Instinct

By Sadwife - 6/10/2016 17:36 - United States - Pardeeville

Today, I had my wedding at 11 a.m. so that I could spend a lot of time with my friends and family. Everyone left within 4 hours. FML

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By Anonymous - 17/4/2018 01:30

Today, my husband and I were getting busy on the living room couch when my mother-in-law stopped by and let herself in with a key we didn’t know she had. She then demanded an apology like it was all our fault and stormed out. I still don’t know why she came by. FML

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By Anonymous - 6/5/2011 18:09 - Saudi Arabia

Today, I locked myself in the bathroom and started spanking the ferret. I started to get really into it when my dad started pounding on the door and yelled, "Son, that's great staying power, but can you finish up already?" FML

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By Anonymous - 30/10/2012 19:34 - United States

Today, I found my fiancé is cheating on me. Our wedding is in 26 days and everything is already paid for. FML

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By Anon - 25/5/2011 05:28 - United States

Today, I was so lonely that I was comforted by the sound of mice running through the walls of my apartment. I left cheese and peanut butter out for them to find so that I could at least have a pet for company. FML

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By Lonely - 24/7/2011 17:02 - United States

Today, I went out for coffee with my sister and my crush. I spent the majority of the date flirting with my crush, and when he dropped us off at home, I told him I had fun on our date. He looked at me surprised and said he'd thought I'd tagged along on his date with my sister. FML

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By Anonymous - 13/5/2013 22:05 - United States - Kapolei

Today, I woke up to my friend stroking my face with the bottom of his foot and whispering, "Shh, you're okay." FML

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By Anonymous - 25/10/2011 05:58 - United States

Today, my car broke down because someone stuck a dildo in the tail pipe. I'd parked in my driveway. FML

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By Broke as a joke - 4/5/2019 04:00

Today, I received the bill for my trip to the ER months ago. Almost $1000 for a quick 2.5 hour stay, only to find out that I had bad gas from drinking far too much of the seltzer I had bought on sale. FML

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By ¬_¬ - 27/7/2013 22:43 - South Africa - Cape Town

Today, my dad walked in on me filming a Harlem Shake video. He stared for a moment, said "Son, I don't have a problem with homosexuals, but... nevermind." then shook his head and walked out. FML

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By Anonymous - 14/3/2013 21:01 - Germany - M?hlhausen

Today, I found out why my boyfriend likes to do my hair and makeup for me. Far from it being some kind of fetish or hobby, it's because he thinks I do such a crappy job that feels he has to apply it himself so I don't "embarrass" him when we're out in public together. FML

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By itscalledaphonecontractretards - 9/8/2016 17:54 - United States

Today, I'm so broke, I resorted to breaking into my old apartment complex to do my laundry in the basement for free. FML

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By GoAggies - 21/6/2016 17:11 - United States - Herriman

Today, I moved three hours away from my boyfriend for college. Even though he got accepted to the same school and had a job lined up in town, he decided not to come with me because the Internet at our apartment wasn't going to be fast enough for his gaming. FML

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By 4evalone - 1/11/2014 05:59 - United States - Monterey

Today, I was dressed as a single girl. I wore pajama pants, hoodie with no bra, and carried a plate of pizza around. But it wasn't my costume, I just had nowhere to go for Halloween. FML

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By Xtine - 23/6/2009 04:44 - United States

Today, while on the road I saw a turtle in the middle of the other lane. I slammed on my brakes and got out, holding up and pissing off several drivers on both sides of the highway. Getting closer to the turtle, I realized that it was not a turtle at all, but a very large pile of dog shit. FML

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By Lady Douche of Asscrackington - 10/10/2013 20:00 - United States - Watertown

Today, during a family dinner, my 5-year-old son excitedly told everyone that I let him use my "douche" last week. My parents glared at me in anger and horror, and only after they left did I find out that his brother had told him that's what my loofah is called. FML

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By Jpev - 12/5/2016 01:09 - United States - Huntsville

Today, my girlfriend and I were walking back to my car after a long day of work. A large SUV had parked next to mine, so I jokingly said to my girlfriend, "What do you think they're compensating for?" That's when the couple behind us unlocked their vehicle. FML

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By waterspike - 29/1/2010 13:18 - France

Today, after finally getting a date with the girl I like, she invited her new boyfriend along as well. I ended up paying for their first date. FML

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By Anonymous - 25/1/2010 15:27 - United States

Today, the toilet at my apartment still hasn't been fixed. I have to straddle the bathtub for number 1's and go to Walmart for 2's. FML

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By Anonymous - 30/1/2010 13:16 - United States

Today, I was walking to school. When I was about halfway there, someone put a gun to the back of my head and told me to give him all my money. As I slowly turned around, I saw it was my dad putting a banana to my head. FML

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By curiousminx - 6/12/2016 02:32 - Australia - Morningside

Today, is my first day as a student nurse. It was also the first day I learnt I was allergic to latex gloves. FML

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By butimarealbear - 13/7/2011 13:11 - United States

Today, my mother started dating a man who insists people call him 'Panda'. FML

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By traumatised - 15/6/2019 22:27

Today, I went to make my morning coffee as usual. When I opened the container for the coffee grounds, I saw it bubbling. Perplexed, I looked closer. This is how I discovered that maggots can actually bubble what they ingest. FML

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By Anonymous - 23/11/2010 17:35 - Canada

Today, my grandma walked into my room and asked if the thing lying on my nightstand was a computer. I said ''Grandma, that's a clock.'' After staring at me, confused for a few seconds, she then farted, and left my room. FML

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By GirlinGreen - 30/4/2009 01:34 - United States

Today, I was babysitting a four year old. He was mad and began hitting me. I told him to use his words not his fists when he's mad. He then began telling me how much he hated me and that I should go die and never come back. FML

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By Amber - 10/1/2010 17:17 - United States

Today, I realized why my bathroom has been smelling so bad. My 10-year-old son has been peeing on the radiator, thinking it's fun to watch it steam and sizzle. FML

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By Anonymous - 20/9/2011 23:54 - United States

Today, I found out that I have testicular cancer for the second time in two years, and they may end up removing my last testicle. Knowing full well I was also born with an extra rib, the doctor at the consultation joked, "Hey, you'll be three quarters of the way to being a woman." FML

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By Anonymous - 25/5/2019 06:13

Today, I called in sick to my job. I'm already on shaky ground there, but I was honestly sick. I happened to call in during the mandatory departmental meeting. Apparently, I was supposed to go in a half-hour early. I called in thirty minutes late, during a required meeting. FML

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By Harry - 29/11/2009 22:53 - United States

Today, I went hiking with my friend. We both had to pee really bad. We went to the edge of a cliff to "relieve ourselves". He peed and it came and hit me in the face, he did it on purpose. So, I decided to get him back and peed at him. The wind changed direction and hit me in the face again. FML

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By Anonymous - 22/6/2014 16:34 - United States - Syosset

Today, I came back home after a year studying abroad. Imagine my surprise when I found out my mom had gotten breast implants while I was away. All through dinner, I kept catching myself staring at them. No wonder my dad was so much happier than when I left. FML

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By I tried - 9/4/2020 17:00

Lockdown is driving us down

Today, my husband went on a tirade, accusing me of bullying and being too hard on our kids. Apparently, I’m taking this homeschool thing too serious, and I need to cut them a break. All I did was make them write their letters and numbers on paper instead of just using their tablets. Yeah, real mean. FML

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By frosho - 9/3/2009 04:16 - United States

Today, I was sitting in a restaurant with my best friend. We had just competed in a pageant together earlier this month. A lady comes up to my friend who got first alternate and said,"You were robbed of that title. You deserved to win. I hated the winner." I was the winner. FML

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By MouseChaser - 26/11/2009 09:22 - United States

Today, I learned that as adorable as it might be to watch your cat follow your cursor around the screen, the humor ends when she dives into and breaks the monitor. FML

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By Hotdamnthisismyjam - 16/6/2009 00:32 - Canada

Today, I went to the bar with some friends. When we walked in, we picked a table at random in the same area as a bunch of older men. The oldest, fattest ugliest man at the table looks me over then stares at my chest. He then starts to motorboat the air in the direction of my boobs. FML

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By A - 23/5/2015 03:25 - United States - Warner Robins

Today, my neighbor's dog decided to knock over our trash cans, which were full of my bathroom trash. I had to pick up tampon and maxi pad wrappers from all over the neighborhood. FML

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By Sorry? - 2/12/2016 03:54 - United States

Today, I took a test. I got up to turn it in, and accidentally bumped into another student. We both whispered, "Sorry." Our teacher promptly gave us detention and a 0% on the test for talking. Sorry for being sorry? FML

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By Anonymous - 13/10/2014 17:03 - United Kingdom

Today, my boyfriend decided he's asexual and dumped me on the spot. FML

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By Anonymous - 1/10/2009 09:42 - United States

Today, my friends and I noticed that people, no matter what stereotype, pretty much all have the same type of friends: the mean one, the funny one, etc... and started naming off the people in our group who fit into those personallities. We got to the token fat one, everyone looked at me and stopped talking. FML

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By Anonanon - 12/7/2011 17:10 - United Kingdom

Today, I finally had sex with the guy I've been flirting with for months. Immediately after he gave me the 'let's just be friends' speech then left for work, accidentally locking me in his apartment. I had to call his ex girlfriend to come let me out. She smirked. FML

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By Geezum Crow - 6/12/2018 17:30

Today, I found out my school's financial aid had a "misunderstanding" of my finances, I can no longer afford to pay half of my bills or pay for Christmas. FML

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Top comments

By thebluewizard | 14

#3887916 - Sunday 15 January 2012 16:39

That sucks, but you REALLY should check that beforehand. Just sayin'.

By amanda_say_whutt | 9

#3887959 - Sunday 15 January 2012 16:46

Dude look, you paid for a car wash but instead you got a free shower.

COMMENTS

By thebluewizard | 14

#3887916 - Sunday 15 January 2012 16:39

That sucks, but you REALLY should check that beforehand. Just sayin'.

MedKits | 9

#3887930 - Sunday 15 January 2012 16:41

At least the inside of the vehicle is clean now.

OhHushDear | 11

#3887978 - Sunday 15 January 2012 16:50

Uh, YEAH you should check. And I can't believe it took your seat filling up with foam to REALIZE that a window was rolled down. You sound exceptionally unobservant.

a1f0sff | 25

#3888093 - Sunday 15 January 2012 17:29

You didn't hear loud, strange noises? Like they said, you took that long to figure it out? Smh

attaboy368 | 20

#3888184 - Sunday 15 January 2012 18:03

and now op doen't need to waste time taking a shower and doing laundry when they get home lol

thatshot808 | 6

#3888191 - Sunday 15 January 2012 18:04

ALWAYS check the windows before washing your car. It's common sense and if the window open was the one behind the drivers seat, then you defiantly deserve it!

periwinkle95 | 10

#3891747 - Monday 16 January 2012 8:10

Medkits are you for real a Physician Assistant? If so, I have some questions for you, because I plan to be one. If that's fine with you.

ciscmowe | 5

#3892471 - Monday 16 January 2012 10:55

I bet you like getting stuff squirt onto your face, OP.

MedKits | 9

#3894397 - Monday 16 January 2012 20:24

48 -Drop me a PM when you get the chance.

By wisese | 0

#3887928 - Sunday 15 January 2012 16:41

Hm. I saw a post just like this on Facebook yesterday.

ii_tayman | 0

#3897247 - Tuesday 17 January 2012 7:28

You know what else is weird he got squirted in the face yet it was his back window that was open

By beanybabe | 13

#3887941 - Sunday 15 January 2012 16:43

On the plus side, you won't have to wash the inside of your car:)

67Ravender | 0

#3888889 - Sunday 15 January 2012 22:07

OP's used to getting squirted in the face

By Pelreskovich | 11

#3887957 - Sunday 15 January 2012 16:45

This is your own stupid fault, you ruined your car be side you're an idiot. Wahhh.

Pelreskovich | 11

#3888918 - Sunday 15 January 2012 22:23

Phone typo.

By amanda_say_whutt | 9

#3887959 - Sunday 15 January 2012 16:46

Dude look, you paid for a car wash but instead you got a free shower.

FirstTigerHobbes | 13

#3888319 - Sunday 15 January 2012 18:37

Car wash and a free shower?!
IMPOSSIBRU!

By superpoptart | 24

#3887963 - Sunday 15 January 2012 16:46

This where you call all your friends to have a wild foam party in the back of your car.

By Strafeh | 9

#3887966 - Sunday 15 January 2012 16:47

Did you squirt yourself in the face?

FirstTigerHobbes | 13

#3888376 - Sunday 15 January 2012 19:08

Re-read the FML please

By Savra_fml | 17

#3887986 - Sunday 15 January 2012 16:54

This is totally a YDI! If the car could talk it would probably say "sell me, please!" Get off the roads. That way your car can be nice and clean at home.

By ICATiger | 13

#3887998 - Sunday 15 January 2012 17:05

Cool you and your car got washed

By NBZ_fml | 3

#3888005 - Sunday 15 January 2012 17:11

Funny how you didn't notice until the car wash creamed on your face