Love and Animals: Today, I brought my boyfriend to my house for the first time.... - FML

Nearly

28/09/2021 01:05

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53

You deserved it 5

27/09/2021 06:27

Today, I have to get up and go to work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57

You deserved it 103

Spicy

Spicy

Nice try, though

By Anonymous - 16/10/2021 20:00

Spicy

Today, I bought a $100 Victoria's Secret gift card for an ex who I still have a thing for, only to find out she started dating someone else a week ago. I just realized I bought lingerie for her to wear for someone else. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 20

Unfriended

By thethrowawayplace - 15/10/2021 17:00

Spicy

Today, my friend was watching a black guy getting yelled at by the cops on TV. He then decided to yell, "Wow, ni***** really don't know how to behave!" When I didn't react, he yelled it over and over, until I slunk into my room. He knows I'm part black. FML

I agree, your life sucks 697

You deserved it 112

25/04/2019 18:00

Today, I brought my boyfriend to my house for the first time. He freaked out when he saw my cat, and had to leave because he's allergic. I've posted many pictures of my cat in Instagram, but he didn't say anything about his allergy because he thought it was just a random cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 271

You deserved it 256

Money, well, get back, I'm alright Jack…

Halitosis

The more the merrier

06/03/2016 19:59

Today, I had my first driving test. The instructor turned out to be the kind of twit who made me do the full 60-minute test, only to tell me afterwards that he was failing me for the only mistake I made less than 2 minutes after the test started. Time wasting tit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 170

You deserved it 3 118

30/07/2009 07:20

Today, I got into a car accident. The car I hit belongs to my girlfriend's father. We never met before. He strongly believes in "first impressions." FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 268

You deserved it 6 716

Post-it

By Lalalala - 06/09/2020 02:02

Today, my boyfriend told me to stay home, because he wanted to come by to give me a birthday surprise. Later on, he came by, posted a note, rung the bell and left. The note was a break up note. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 650

You deserved it 98

08/01/2011 07:01

Spicy

Today, I got to listen to my younger brother have sex with a girl while I sat in my room playing World of Warcraft on a Friday night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 841

You deserved it 44 263

07/12/2017 01:30

Today, like every day, I flushed a public toilet with my foot. Today, unlike every day, my foot missed the handle and landed in the unflushed water. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 410

You deserved it 4 903

07/01/2012 22:21

Today, I'm in Vegas to celebrate my 22nd birthday. I should be out having a blast, but a stomach virus thought otherwise. I'll be spending my birthday stuck in my hotel room eating microwaved soup. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 405

You deserved it 2 787

16/03/2012 05:54

Today, I panicked when I saw a spider on my shoulder from the corner of my eye. It was a birthmark. The same one that has been there for the last 23 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 775

You deserved it 23 169

07/09/2015 15:49

Today, I was sitting in a bar telling some young dude to accept responsibility for his life choices. I'm over 50 and was spending my last five dollars on beer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 573

You deserved it 25 574

04/12/2010 11:23

Spicy

Today, I woke up after a dream where I got it good from none other than Arnold Schwarzenegger. The problem? I'm a guy, and straight. Apparently my subconscious has a fetish for old Austrian bodybuilders. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 947

You deserved it 6 611

14/10/2015 16:22

Today, my boyfriend found out that male goats will stick their tongues out, snort, and garble at female goats in heat. Now he's doing it to me at all manner of times, sound effects and all. I now know why goats ram their heads into things repeatedly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 106

You deserved it 2 295

20/07/2013 21:31

Today, a man stopped me on the street. He said the stretch marks on my thighs looked like cuts, and asked me if I self-harmed. Before I was able to politely respond "No", he said, "I mean, I can see why you would." FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 508

You deserved it 3 958

On yer bike

By E-fail - 07/10/2020 08:53

Today, I received my new e-bike. I could barely afford it but I desperately needed a method of transportation. On my second ride, I splashed through a fresh sidewalk. There was sidewalk in the chain, in the brakes, everywhere. There goes my brand new bike. FML

I agree, your life sucks 541

You deserved it 1 263

04/07/2018 22:30

Today, during science, my friend thought it would be funny to pour corrosive acids into the reaction test I was making. I had to explain to my parents why I have no eyebrows, but the worst part is that I only got a D. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 529

You deserved it 314

25/12/2016 21:23

Today, I ran into an old friend for whom I used to have feelings. I hadn't seen her in years, so I thought it would be funny if I went up to her and said, "Hey, you look familiar, do I know you?" She thought I had really forgotten her and burst into tears. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 370

You deserved it 2 312

13/02/2015 20:31

Today, while skiing down a steep mountain, a man ran over my skis, causing me to fall and roll down the slope. When I regained my balance, I saw the man had followed me just to say "How graceful" and continue on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 156

You deserved it 2 392

10/12/2016 19:07

Today, I was visiting my grandma who has a beagle named Max. He was so excited to see me, he jumped on my face and peed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 356

You deserved it 678

02/01/2010 22:27

Today, my mom informed me that my entire family puts their dirty towels on the towel rack in the bathroom instead of the hamper. I've been using their dirty towels after showers for as long as I remember. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 066

You deserved it 6 460

26/09/2012 11:40

Today, at work, I saw a van in our car park with "Hurlz Wagon" painted on its side. Laughing, I told the customer who owned it that I loved the name, and I asked was there a funny vomit story behind it. She didn't laugh, and told me it was her family name. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 938

You deserved it 9 157

14/11/2011 04:46

Today, and all day, I was forced to listen to one of the kids in my apartment building play their recorder loudly and horribly. She started over whenever she missed a note. I was sick, was getting a migraine from it, and couldn't ask her to stop without her mom yelling at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 811

You deserved it 3 462

10/12/2015 02:24

Today, my mom was driving with my brothers and sister in the back seat. She was turned around talking to us, when my sister told my mom that she missed the light. She ran it, then screamed at us about not paying attention and noticing your surroundings. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 363

You deserved it 1 548

06/03/2009 06:09

Today, I put my picture into a celebrity look alike website. The three matches that came up were Barbra Streisand, Hillary Clinton, and Boy George. I'm 16. I'm a boy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 564

You deserved it 7 290

24/10/2013 12:52

Today, I taught my girlfriend some French. She then used her newfound language to break up with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 653

You deserved it 4 664

Traditions suck

By Anonymous - 22/01/2021 17:01

Spicy

Today, my fiance told me that his father would need to check my hymen is intact to ensure I'm pure before we get married. This is a new one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 720

You deserved it 148

22/09/2010 04:14

Today, my entire region received record rainfall, with torrential downpours all day and night. Today was also the day I discovered my car's sunroof leaks, when I was greeted with two inches of standing water in my floorboards. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 857

You deserved it 2 595

02/11/2009 22:03

Spicy

Today, I was hanging out with my friends. My friend started talking about how unfair it is that women can use their breasts to get promotions. I told him that he has no place to talk, as he used his "d*ck" a few months ago with his female boss. His girlfriend of 3 years was sitting next to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 809

You deserved it 34 496

21/03/2017 18:00

Today, when paying for gas, I realized I'd forgotten my wallet back home. After a moment of panic, I managed to remember my card number. I paid, blowing the cute cashier's mind, and drove away, before my car started sputtering and slowed to a crawl. I'd used the wrong fuel. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 536

You deserved it 4 971

26/01/2017 04:00

Today, I finally had the guts to tell my mom about her boyfriend hitting on me. Not only did she not care, but she got mad at me. I'm 15. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 675

You deserved it 469

09/04/2009 12:33

Today, I was at the orthodontist. As the lady was clipping my brackets, she missed and clipped my gums instead. She looked at me and said, "Oh sorry, you're bleeding really badly. See, I got these fake nails put on and I guess I'm just not used to them. Let me try again." She missed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 83 428

You deserved it 3 192

Artistic licence

By Anonymous - 16/04/2020 14:00

Today, after spending at least 4 hours drawing a realistic shadow of a vampire for a picture contest, I finally remembered that vampires aren't supposed to produce shadows. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 182

You deserved it 662

21/07/2015 15:17

Today, my boyfriend's dad helped me put coolant in my car. When I said I wished I could do something in return, he told me to get an abortion so I wouldn't "ruin" his son's life. When I told my boyfriend, he didn't believe me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 381

You deserved it 2 741

20/05/2015 14:43

Today, I went indoor rock climbing. After finally making it to the top, my pants ripped on my last move. I wasn't wearing any underwear. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 038

You deserved it 21 435

Pyrotechnics

By Homeless for the holidays - 13/12/2020 22:58

Today, after I told my roommate last week she needed to find a new place to live because I thought she was psychotic, she set my house on fire. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 038

You deserved it 102

29/11/2015 01:20

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend and I got caught doing it in her parent's bed by her mom. Instead of making me leave, they forced me to stay for dinner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 044

You deserved it 30 078

04/08/2009 08:40

Today, I came home at noon from a long night out. I was surprised to see a woman I didn't recognize standing in my living room in a brown dress and heels. As I walked up to the door and knocked to be let in, the woman whipped around and I figured out who it was. My dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 415

You deserved it 3 413

04/08/2010 21:08

Today, I had to admit to everyone, including my cable guy, that I'm moving back in with my parents. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 673

You deserved it 9 413

19/06/2013 17:23

Today, I have pink eye in both eyes, the stomach virus, and a cold. I'm also sitting at work because my boss "doesn't believe in sick days." FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 542

You deserved it 3 667

The Final Countdown

By Anonymous - 22/10/2020 21:08

Today, I found out that I have three weeks to get better at my shitty job before we start discussing my "future" with the company. FML

I agree, your life sucks 831

You deserved it 316

16/11/2010 01:54

Today, my girlfriend of two years broke up with me. She wants to try dating women. This is the second time this has happened to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 471

You deserved it 6 512

19/06/2009 16:32

Today, my boss came over to my desk and struck up a casual conversation about movies. After a while, he sat on the edge of my desk, nodded toward my chest, and said in the same casual, lighthearted tone, "And nice cleavage today. Keep that up." FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 111

You deserved it 13 680

28/11/2009 18:11

Spicy

Today, I realized that I'm a sleepwalker and for the past week, that dream where I was giving my roommate a blowjob was real. He just pretended it never happened. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 374

You deserved it 5 490

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Thursday 25 April 2019 18:49

it's because she's posted about the cat many times, why would he think it's just a random cat each time

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Thursday 25 April 2019 18:53

He's a dumbfuck... Ditch him and find someone with an IQ bigger than his... Nose

Comments

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Thursday 25 April 2019 18:44

I don’t see how you could think you’re the victim here. If he’s a allergic then he’s allergic. Also cats are evil

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Thursday 25 April 2019 18:49

it's because she's posted about the cat many times, why would he think it's just a random cat each time

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Tuesday 30 April 2019 5:21

Cats are a gift from heaven.

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Tuesday 30 April 2019 5:22

Her dead corpse, huh?

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Thursday 25 April 2019 18:53

He's a dumbfuck... Ditch him and find someone with an IQ bigger than his... Nose

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Friday 26 April 2019 3:56

I don't like cats, this guy is a winner.

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Friday 26 April 2019 4:32

Well your user name summed it up already.

evilplatypus 38

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Friday 26 April 2019 19:54

I mean, I don’t have Instagram, but I DO have a friend with the world’s most photogenic cat so I OFTEN share pictures of her on FB.

raven_of_azarath 34

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Friday 26 April 2019 22:47

It really all depends on the captions OP used. I’m sure you don’t call your friend’s cat your cat on social media. The word “my” should have been a clue.

millsjoshua949 12

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Friday 21 August 2020 18:04

That doesn't even make sense.