Today, I took my 5 year-old son to the barber shop. When the... - FML

By ben - 18/9/2009 06:17 - United States

Today, I took my 5 year-old son to the barber shop. When the man finishes with him, I tell the guy, "while we're here, I might as well get a trim too." My son then exclaims very loudly in front of a very full barber's shop, "Dad! You don't need a haircut, you need hair!" FML

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Alexa, play "Hey! Student" by The Fall

Tonight, on Grey's Anatomy…

In my day…

By paperbox - 16/1/2011 05:07 - Australia

Today, my maths teacher was giving my whole class a lecture on 'if you don't pay attention at school, you will fail.' She then pointed out out a man working on the roof and said: 'if you don't listen, you will end up like that guy.' That was my dad. FML

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By Emil - 20/11/2011 21:42 - United States

Today, I was caught stealing a video game. I realized after my parents were called that the case was actually empty. FML

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By Hapaboy808 - 8/7/2020 23:01

The final countdown

Today, I'm sharing an apartment in a foreign country with my soon-to-be ex. There are 6 months left on the contract, so we both decided to live here until then to save money. She earns enough to afford her own place. Me on the other hand… FML

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By Anonymous - 30/9/2019 12:00

The Crying Game

Today, I noticed that my weekend hobby is crying. I live in a city where I don't have a single friend or relative. FML

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By Staples - 15/5/2010 06:21 - United Kingdom

Today, I accidentally stapled my finger to a piece of paper. It hurt, but I took it out and went to restaple it. I did it again. FML

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By junkie - 18/12/2012 18:28 - Belgium - Antwerp

Today, I hid my weed stash in a bag from an expensive jewellery store. My sister walked into my room, went "Ooh, what's this?" and grabbed the bag. I grabbed it back and ad-libbed that it was her Christmas gift. Now I actually have to buy her expensive jewellery. FML

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By :( - 28/3/2014 20:25 - Sweden - Ume

Today, my grandma reduced me to a sobbing wreck in two short sentences, just to win a bet against my mum. FML

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By Anonymous - 18/2/2017 15:00 - United States - Pasadena

Today, after having to call in a noise complaint about my downstairs neighbors talking loud past midnight, the managers fixed the problem. Now all I can hear is two little girls who like to throw a basketball at the building for hours. FML

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By jaydiv - 22/11/2009 09:15 - Australia

Today, I saw my cat outside taking a dump. I pulled back the curtain and watched him clean it up, because I found it fascinating that animals can do that. I must have been standing there for several minutes before I noticed the neighbour next door looking at me being fascinated by my cat pooing. FML

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By Anonymous - 9/5/2011 04:37 - United States

Today, I went to my boyfriend's house to give his mother a box of chocolates and flowers for Mother's Day. She just stared at them and said, "What's this for? You're not my daughter, and never will be. But I'll keep the chocolate." FML

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By embarrassedhubby - 18/9/2010 03:48 - Canada

Today, when I came home from work, I saw my wife in nothing but black boots and a Santa hat. My boss and coworker were with me. I now have guys wanting to have a threesome with us. FML

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By Mina - 8/5/2019 14:00

Today, my son came home from school with a catastrophic report card. When I asked him for explanations, he replied, "I'm hesitating between family environment and heredity." FML

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By JC - 26/3/2012 20:56 - United States - Villa Ridge

Today, I read an article with tips on how to give girls full-body orgasms and I decided to test a few on my girlfriend. Instead of having a mind-blowing orgasm, she started cackling and said I looked like a giraffe trying to bob for apples. FML

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By Ava_Darkflame - 1/1/2017 15:54 - United States - Philadelphia

Today, I had to call the police to get my crazy stalker of a neighbor out of my house. When the police arrived, I found out that she was friends with the officer. FML

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By Anonymous - 28/5/2012 03:24 - United States - Spring Grove

Today, an extremely hot police officer reprimanded me. It was pretty awkward considering she stopped me because of public urination. FML

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By mael - 25/11/2008 08:54 - France

Today, I was looking for a magazine in my mother's bedside cabinet and I came across some daft test about sex. Apparently, my mother likes anal, oral, and my dad's cock is bent. Nauseous. FML

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By Anonymous - 3/8/2017 13:00

Mommy Goes Commando

Today, I went to a restaurant with my family. My five year old goes under the table and says "Mommy! You forgot to wear underwear!" FML

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By Peach - 2/3/2012 05:46 - United States

Today, I found one of my roommate's giant yellow toenail clippings on the counter next to the kitchen sink. When I confronted him about it, he told me the cat must have carried it out of his bedroom and put it there. FML

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By Anonymous - 16/2/2011 15:47 - United Kingdom

Today, my girlfriend told me she was bored. During sex. FML

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By Anonymous - 11/1/2011 06:38 - United States

Today, I discovered that just because I got my braces removed does not mean my painful mouth ulcers will stop. I now have them under my tongue. I can't even lick my lips. FML

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By Christopher Tobler - 26/4/2019 20:00 - United States - New York

Today, I found out that my mom paints, and that I was artistically represented in a painting, as Satan, in a painting made shortly after I told her that I was an atheist. FML

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By Stephanie - 14/7/2011 19:17 - United States

Today, my friends and I went to the park for some planking. Trying to find a daring spot, I climbed a tree and laid down on a branch. While I was waiting for my friends to take a picture, the branch gave out. FML

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By Rman - 2/11/2009 22:35 - United States

Today, I got a letter confirming I had dropped out of college. I received this letter shortly after completing the 10th essay I had finished this week as a result of me deciding to finally apply myself to my schoolwork. Turns out that while dropping a class, I checked Drop All instead of Drop 1. FML

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By Slash - 16/6/2009 16:43 - United States

Today, I sprained my wrist playing Guitar Hero. The ER doctor called all of his coworkers in to hear my story. They all laughed. FML

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By 613tanner - 19/5/2011 05:30

Today, I got pulled over for going about 88mph. When the cop asked why I was speeding, I replied, "I was trying to go back in time". He didn't like that answer and gave me a ticket. FML

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By Anonymous - 17/3/2013 10:14 - United States

Today, I found out through his Facebook update and a text message that my fiancé demoted me to girlfriend status. I was sitting in the next room. FML

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By Anonymous - 17/8/2015 22:46 - Canada - Kingston

Today, my girlfriend dyed her hair from blonde to brunette. An hour later, she found one of her blonde hairs on my pillow, and accused me of cheating. FML

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By Nikki Lynn Richardson - 18/5/2020 02:00

Late arrival

Today, I went to the store to go buy a pregnancy test because my period was 7 days late. I get home, go into the bathroom, pull down my underwear, pee and come to find out I'd started my period when I looked at it after peeing on it. FML

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By Anonymous - 12/6/2016 10:00 - Australia - Port Melbourne

Today, the girl I'd been seeing for a few weeks lost her mind and yanked my car's e-brake while we were on the highway. Why? Because I said I wasn't really interested in having kids. Guess I'll cross that relationship off as a "hell no". FML

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By machina - 16/7/2019 04:01

Today, I approached my mother for comfort, because I've been feeling depressed and unloved by anyone lately. She replied, “Honestly, I stopped loving you back when you were a toddler.” FML

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By youaresodumb - 27/9/2010 04:19 - United States

Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend. I finished too quickly and apologized. She said she was used to it by now. FML

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By Anonymous - 21/9/2011 13:17 - United States

Today, I was making out with my boyfriend, and started to climb on top of him sexily. He blurted out, "Oh my god, you're like that girl from The Ring." FML

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By IloveJapan - 2/4/2012 14:02 - Japan

Today, my boyfriend gave me a hickey. On my forehead. FML

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By lazy pregnant girl - 5/7/2012 19:34 - United States

Today, my boyfriend told me that because he works fifty hours a week, I should be meeting an arbitrary quota of fifty hours of housework, and if I don't, I'm insensitive and ungrateful. FML

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By agnosticstudy - 28/1/2009 21:53 - United States

Today, all three of my meals consisted of 2 hot pockets. FML

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By Anonymous - 25/10/2010 00:36 - Australia

Today, I found out my girlfriend only gets aroused after watching Jersey Shore and will only have sex immediately after an episode. I think the worst part is, I'll take what I can get. FML

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By Anonymous - 7/7/2020 02:02

I need it

Today, I wore crotchless panties to bed and my boyfriend didn't notice. It's been 10 months since we've had sex. FML

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By Anonymous - 2/1/2018 22:00 - United States - Lyons

Instagone

Today, I found out that my girlfriend of almost four years was breaking up with me when she captioned an Instagram post saying, "Who else besides me is going into 2018 single?" I had already bought an engagement ring. FML

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By WronglySad619 - 26/1/2011 10:31 - United States

Today, after mourning and making my girlfriend cancel her big birthday party, I found out my grandma didn't actually die. FML

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By sad face - 24/11/2012 11:54 - Australia - Chatswood

Today, I told my boss that I quit, and handed in my two week's notice. A couple of hours later, I found my letter of resignation had been photocopied and copies hung all around the office with "Best day ever" written on the bottom. FML

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Top comments

By Supermum43 | 0

#571671 - Friday 18 September 2009 12:12

Ah, kids.... never too shy to embarrass their parents.....lol

By Antivirus_fml | 0

#571660 - Friday 18 September 2009 12:09

I love your son! XD

!DNOCES :SP

COMMENTS

By dyld921 | 2

#571659 - Friday 18 September 2009 12:09

I dunno. Maybe he's right. How much hair do you have on your head anyway?

Reply

mushoo_fml | 0

#571795 - Friday 18 September 2009 14:25

LOL. But it's a laugh-it-off, not an FML.

Btw, did the barber respond by saying "Sir, I'll have to charge you double - one to find the hair and the other to cut it!"

Reply

genius_man16 | 0

#571904 - Friday 18 September 2009 16:08

*pushes the 'so what?' button*

Reply

MR_OHCRAP | 0

#572613 - Friday 18 September 2009 22:50

I agree with #34. The FMLs are shit these days, it is as if everyone here is a softy. I mean, come on...

Reply

stone_light | 0

#575602 - Sunday 20 September 2009 6:13

op is just stupid. That is the EXACT same thing i would say to my dad. he knows better than to set himself up for that.

Reply

jasonsaied | 1

#814511 - Monday 1 February 2010 4:28

um did you think nobody could notice it before that?

Reply

cassdede | 0

#887489 - Wednesday 24 February 2010 4:25

that's not really an FML cause alot of men don't have hair on their scalp

Reply

jskibabe22 | 4

#1076559 - Saturday 10 July 2010 6:35

so what button?? that's hilariously lame!!!

By Antivirus_fml | 0

#571660 - Friday 18 September 2009 12:09

I love your son! XD

!DNOCES :SP

By reset_button | 0

#571662 - Friday 18 September 2009 12:10

While we're here, get a sense of humor. YDI for not whining instead of laughing about it.

Reply

BeeSkwaird | 0

#571757 - Friday 18 September 2009 13:27

YDI for whining instead of laughing about it.

By Vaetrus | 0

#571663 - Friday 18 September 2009 12:11

I don't get why old guys do get like half an inch of hair trimmed off their sides. ... why bother?

By MLSxxox | 3

#571668 - Friday 18 September 2009 12:11

That sucks...
You can borrow some of mine if you want lol ko xxox

By Supermum43 | 0

#571671 - Friday 18 September 2009 12:12

Ah, kids.... never too shy to embarrass their parents.....lol

By abdur | 0

#571683 - Friday 18 September 2009 12:23

Oh well, truth hurts doesn't it?

By keepitundercover | 0

#571685 - Friday 18 September 2009 12:24

Your kid sounds adorable, and very quick-witted. This made me laugh :)

By MisterWho_fml | 0

#571694 - Friday 18 September 2009 12:31

That's endearing, not an FML.

By danielrp34 | 7

#571699 - Friday 18 September 2009 12:33

Who cares? You're bald, be proud.

Reply

Amysbodybetrayal | 0

#571712 - Friday 18 September 2009 12:39

As my dad says, bald is beautiful. :)

OP, embrace your thinning hair. Or go for the Full Monty, and shave the rest of it off! :D