Today, I took a shower at my girlfriend's apartment. I was wandering... - FML

By HadToApologize - 3/11/2009 05:20 - United States

Today, I took a shower at my girlfriend's apartment. I was wandering around, gathering my clothes when I noticed my girl doing her hair in the other room. She looked sort of peculiar, so I stood there, studying her. Half naked. I then realized it wasn't my girlfriend, but her roommate. FML

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Instadrama

Season finale

A beautiful truck decoration

By michelle91 - 2/12/2009 11:36 - Malaysia

Today, while stepping out of the shower, I slipped and cut my head. I went to the hospital, got 8 stitches and was tested for head trauma. After hours of ignoring my calls and texts, my girlfriend finally responded, very angrily. Why? Today is her birthday, and I "selfishly made it about me." FML

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By culodegrillo - 13/5/2013 20:36 - Spain

Today, a woman approached me in the street and slapped me, ranting about how I stole her man. I don't even know her man, or her, and I live over a thousand miles away in Scotland. I'm back in town for the first time since my childhood to attend a wedding. FML

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By B-Man - 11/12/2009 21:55 - Canada

Today, I woke up lying on the ground outside with a horrible headache. I camped out in my tree house last night. FML

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By Patrick R - 9/6/2011 16:01 - United States

Today, my co-worker finally gave me a check for the money he owes me. In the memo line, he wrote "for swallowing". Now I have to go cash it. FML

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By adriana - 1/9/2009 16:48 - United States

Today, I went to the bank to deposit the cash I made waiting tables. While the teller was counting, I apologized for having so many small bills and she said "It's OK honey, I helped another one of your kind just the other day. You're lucky we take your dirty money." She thought I was a stripper. FML

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By asdfjkl - 6/9/2009 17:27 - United States

Today, I had a long, meaningful telephone conversation. After hanging up, I realized I hadn't had such a great conversation in a long time. Who was it with? The Dell Customer Support guy. FML

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By Anna - 15/6/2012 09:43 - United States - Buellton

Today, I was driving my parrot home from the vet. As I was driving home, I decided to let her sit on my shoulder. Something scared her, and she started flapping in my face, causing me to crash my car into a tree. FML

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By heartbroke - 3/11/2012 10:02 - United States - Erie

Today, my girlfriend did the walk of shame in a skimpy Halloween costume after a night of drunken sex. Problem? The walk ended at my doorstep, and the sex was with a stranger. FML

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By GlowInTheDark - 9/12/2011 07:41 - Australia

Today, I told my boyfriend about how a few years ago I had cancer, and how I underwent radiation therapy. His response? "Did you glow in the dark?" FML

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By kittydead - 29/1/2009 01:05 - Canada

Today, when I was at my girlfriend's house, I farted and blamed it on the cat. I forgot the cat died 2 weeks ago. FML

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By Anonymous - 30/12/2011 19:23 - United Kingdom

Today, I met my father for the first time since I was a baby. The first comment out of his mouth was, "I bet all the boys love those motherfucking bazongas, don't they?" Hi, Dad. FML

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By x - 5/11/2009 20:42 - Canada

Today, I spent 65 dollars in cab fare and skipped half of my grade 12 classes, including a unit test, to see my girlfriend on our two year anniversary. I arrived just in time to see her kiss her other boyfriend of over a year good bye. FML

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By iliketurtles - 24/2/2009 22:57 - United States

Today, I was pissing in a urinal and I had the urge to sneeze. Unable to hold it, I sneezed and hit my head on a metal beam supporting the urinal. In complete disarray, I had to step back from the urinal while pissing and managed to spray the floor, the wall, and the person next to me. FML

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By Anonymous - 3/12/2009 09:47 - Canada

Today, my very traditional grandmother has decided it's time for me to get married to Kevin. She's called half the town and informed them of the good news. I'm 17. I've never met Kevin. FML

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By Username - 11/7/2011 22:23 - United States

Today, my 16 year-old daughter tried to convince me that tampons don't actually work, all because she can still pee with one in. FML

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By nicole - 27/5/2011 20:52 - United States

Today, I saw a hot guy at the laundromat. Wanting an excuse to talk to him, I tossed a pair of my red underwear into his washer. What I didn't realize was that he was washing his whites. Thanks to me, he now has an entire load of pink shirts and boxers. FML

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By ridella - 8/4/2011 10:35

Today, I was in the emergency room. The doctor told me that my injuries and back problems are the intensity of those after a car accident. I slipped on a grape. FML

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By Anonymous - 26/10/2010 20:34 - United States

Today, I went to the dentist. I had to get a tooth removed. In the middle of the procedure, the power went out. I had to sit there for an hour to wait for it to come back on. The anesthetic wore off before he started working on me again. FML

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By Grad2010 - 18/11/2009 19:41 - United States

Today, I found out I will not be getting my class ring. The jeweler has a policy against doing engravings that contain "obscene or offensive language or phrases". What obscene phrase did I want? My initials and year. W.T.F. 2010. FML

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By cc - 10/10/2011 04:04 - United States

Today, I lent my sister $1000 because she and her husband were in some debt. They used the money to go gambling in Vegas and won a major jackpot. They won't even give me a cut. FML

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By Anonymous - 11/4/2017 20:00

Today, my apartment was robbed. The police report said my apartment was ransacked. No it wasn't, that's how looks everyday. FML

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By Anonymous - 27/8/2014 21:50 - United States - Franklin Park

Today, I bought some noise-canceling headphones. They work well. Too well. My mom came home, unpacked her shopping, walked upstairs, knocked on my door, opened my door, and found me jacking off to a porno, all without me hearing a thing. Fucking hell. FML

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By imgoingtofreakout - 26/12/2017 19:00

Today, my Christmas present from my boyfriend was chlamydia. FML

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By Cody - 30/12/2009 09:35 - France

Today, I was at a job interview at McDonalds. All was going well until the manager told me that I'd have to remove the piercing that I have on my eyebrow. I didn't think that my mole would be so confusing. FML

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By Tori - 5/2/2009 15:24 - United States

Today, I discovered in my house a drawer full of chocolates, cookies and baked goods. When I asked my sister what the drawer was, she told me that my mom thought it would be a good idea to hide the fattening foods from me. My entire family had known about the food drawer except me. FML

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By emily074 - 23/8/2015 03:13 - United States - Salem

Today, the nine year old girl I was babysitting got the hiccups, so I told her to drink some water upside down to cure them. She ended up vomiting on the floor. FML

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By Cygnus - 3/8/2015 14:14 - United States - Ruthven

Today, I responded to an argument with my girlfriend by only using comebacks she'd used in previous arguments. I'm single now. FML

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By Anonymous - 12/1/2011 18:47 - Ireland

Today, I was taking my architecture project to school. I'd spent days preparing my little model house. I stepped outside with it in my hand, and right at that moment a gust of wind ripped it away. It's currently lying in my neighbour's garden, smashed to pieces. FML

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By anonymous - 30/6/2012 06:26 - United States - Denver

Today, I was going through a hard and painful break up after a long relationship. Trying to get over it, I invited my two best friends over to lift my spirits. The night ended with them making out on my bed as I sat alone in the other room. FML

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By Randolph - 15/10/2012 02:24 - United States - Saint Petersburg

Today, a clown came over for my son's 8th birthday party. There was a moment of silence then laughter as everyone realized the clown and I were wearing the same plaid shirt. FML

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By oopsjsp90 - 17/10/2009 08:45 - Australia

Today, I told a lady that came into my clothing store that I thought her abstract looking necklace was pretty. She responded, "Oh... Thats actually a pipe that goes into my lung." FML

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By overundereducated - 13/3/2020 18:00

The Birmingham School of Business School

Today, I found out that my stick figure drawing passed as homework during my doctoral level seminar. I'm paying over two thousand dollars for this course. FML

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By skunk head - 22/7/2020 05:01

Extreme makeover

Today, my idiot husband got drunk in the middle of the day and decided to dress our 7-year-old like Rufio from the movie Hook. I wouldn’t have even been mad if he’d done a decent job. Instead, he did a botched bleach and dye job in our boy’s hair that makes him look like a skunk on acid. FML

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By bitchyskier - 26/2/2011 21:36 - United States

Today, while waiting in line for the ski lift, the lady behind me kept stepping on my skis. Annoyed, I turned around and shouted at her "Get the f*ck off my skis!" Just as the last word escaped my mouth, I noticed that my skis were crossed and it was actually me stepping on them. FML

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By KitchenFlooder - 1/2/2018 01:30

Today, I flooded my entire kitchen. The water was cut off at night and I left the faucet open without realizing. When the sound woke me up at 5am, the water reached my ankles. I frantically tried to sweep it out before my mother woke up at 6am. I didn't make it. FML

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By ex-wife - 25/5/2018 09:00 - United States - Boston

Today, I found out that my 50-year-old ex-husband and the 20-year-old skank he cheated on me with are buying the house next door to me. FML

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By Darren - 31/8/2020 04:01 - Australia - Greenacre

MVP

Today, during my second shift back at work after missing 4 weeks for knee surgery, I stabbed myself in the hand and now need 3 weeks off for that surgery. Just as I'm up for a promotion. FML

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By Anonymous - 3/7/2015 19:29 - Canada - Winnipeg

Today, I told my boyfriend that I love him. He replied by telling me to fuck off. FML

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By birdisnottheword - 11/3/2015 13:55 - Canada - Edmonton

Today, the phone rang while I was on the toilet. I asked my 3-year-old daughter to answer it, only for her to loudly say, "Mommy's on the toilet pooping." FML

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By dani - 25/3/2014 03:39 - United States - Dayton

Today, I was at Walmart and had to use the bathroom. I sat down and farted real loud. I didn't realize someone was in there with me until I heard a voice say, "Dude, that was a good one." It was a man's voice. I then realized I was in the men's restroom. FML

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Top comments

By shakenbake93 | 0

#652138 - Tuesday 3 November 2009 12:16

Oh man. I got to see a naked chick. FML.

By mitch707 | 0

#652159 - Tuesday 3 November 2009 12:40

Oh no did she see your nipples? How will you ever recover...

COMMENTS

By shakenbake93 | 0

#652138 - Tuesday 3 November 2009 12:16

Oh man. I got to see a naked chick. FML.

Reply

bridgette5866 | 0

#883026 - Monday 22 February 2010 22:28

The chick wasn't naked, OP was. The girl was doing her hair. Why is this so hard to understand?

By shakenbake93 | 0

#652143 - Tuesday 3 November 2009 12:20

oh. just got what it was saying. but still you were only half naked. how is this an fml?

Reply

cherry26272627 | 6

#3583337 - Monday 14 November 2011 6:30

Op is a girl.

By Savvysass | 0

#652148 - Tuesday 3 November 2009 12:23

wow, I feel so bad for you. that must have really scarred your soul, I suggest counselling for douchebaggery you douchebag.

By mitch707 | 0

#652159 - Tuesday 3 November 2009 12:40

Oh no did she see your nipples? How will you ever recover...

Reply

aperfectxdeath | 3

#4012074 - Thursday 9 February 2012 5:53

How will SHE ever recover***

Reply

Jiplo | 18

#5947750 - Saturday 17 May 2014 5:13

"You" is unisex... No gender is applied to "you".

By Mortanious | 0

#652169 - Tuesday 3 November 2009 12:50

How is this an FML? I put down YDI but seriously there should be a third option for posts likes this; something like "you're a f***ing idiot".

By Crazyemt5150 | 0

#652180 - Tuesday 3 November 2009 13:12

Today, I I realized that I have a vagina and it's bleeding. FML dude your an idiot.

Reply

mind_geek | 15

#2575351 - Friday 27 May 2011 23:10

OWNED

Reply

TheTrainKid | 20

#6251705 - Saturday 4 April 2015 1:06

you're*

By stupiddumbblonde | 0

#652185 - Tuesday 3 November 2009 13:16

lmao

By perdix | 29

#652220 - Tuesday 3 November 2009 14:03

It's good to know that if you go over to your girlfriend's apartment, and she's not there, there's a pretty good look-alike who can sub in in a pinch.

When your rubbing Velcro, does it really matter whose face is way over there? Or who is operating the strap-on?

Reply

Lonely_Lez | 0

#652498 - Tuesday 3 November 2009 18:28

Objectively, I should be offended, but I'm very, very amused. :)

Reply

perdix | 29

#652606 - Tuesday 3 November 2009 19:59

Oh, Lonely_Lez, you know I love you. I just chose to wear the dickhead/jackass hat for this one. ;)

By misspeg | 0

#652221 - Tuesday 3 November 2009 14:05

win!

By mrzero | 0

#652228 - Tuesday 3 November 2009 14:16

so buy one and get the second one for free