Intimacy: Today, I took a shower at my girlfriend's apartment. I was wandering... - FML

By HadToApologize - United States

Today, I took a shower at my girlfriend's apartment. I was wandering around, gathering my clothes when I noticed my girl doing her hair in the other room. She looked sort of peculiar, so I stood there, studying her. Half naked. I then realized it wasn't my girlfriend, but her roommate. FML

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Dementia or hate? You decide

Non-baby fever

The X Factor

By penguins - United States

Today, I found out that in the three years I've been dating my boyfriend, his parents have secretly been going through all of his emails, including the ones I've sent him with "sexy" pictures attached. I can't look his parents in the eye without being reminded that they've both seen me naked. FML

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By Too Many Layers - United Kingdom - Newton Abbot

Today, I found out my landlord has bought himself a new boat. He refuses to turn up the heating to save money. I'm freezing. FML

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By DeepFriedLettuce - United States - Vashon

Today, I had to explain to my seventeen year-old daughter that deep frying food doesn't "melt the calories." FML

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By baldygirl - United States

Today, my 7 year old brother decided that it would be fun to cut off my hair. I woke from a long nap after working the late shift, to about 15 inches of my long blonde hair all over my bed and floor. I now have bloody bald spots and really choppy hair about 3 inches long. He got away with it. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I spilled grape juice on my new white shirt. I bleached it and scrubbed it until there was nothing left to see. I threw it on, ready to dart out of the door, when my dad walks in after fixing the lawnmower and puts his greasy hand right on my shoulder. FML

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By AintEasyBeinWheezy - United States

Today, while driving me to the hospital because I was having an asthma attack, my mother lit a cigarette. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Evergreen

Today, I unwrapped my present and, to my surprise, I had gotten a repair manual for my truck. Apparently, my parents are "Tired of seeing that piece of shit in front of our house." FML

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By Anonymous - 22/1/2021 14:31 - Australia - Adelaide

Confused

Today, I drunkenly hooked up with a meth dealer I just met online. Of course this occurred at his place, since he's on home detention for drug trafficking - ankle bracelet and all. Worst part? I really liked it. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada - Saint-laurent

Today, my 17 year old told me he wanted to pursue a career in art. Knowing he's extremely talented at drawing, I congratulated him and told him to pursue that dream. A few hours later I learn that he's been arrested for spray painting graffiti dicks all over a school wall. Well, he's famous now. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - North Bergen

Today, I went to a river near my house. They have several swing ropes that you grab and then jump into the river. As I was about to let go of the rope, my leg got tangled and I was held underwater. My mom watched and laughed for a while before she came to help me. FML

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By Anonymous - 18/7/2020 23:02

Delayed proposal

Today, my girlfriend found the engagement ring I bought and assumed it was a late birthday present. She’s now wearing it on her right hand like a signet ring and she somehow hasn’t figured out it’s a diamond and not a Swarovski. I'm now waiting for her to figure it out before I pop the question. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was watching wrestling videos on YouTube, when my little brother walked in. Later, my little brother told my parents that I was watching naked men on my computer. They won't stop thinking that I was watching gay porn. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I submitted an entry for a logo design contest for my employer. Apparently, it is possible to lose a contest even when you had the only entry. FML

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By new name - United States - Storrs Mansfield

Today, I told my family that I wanted to change my last name to my future wife's. We want to have the same last name, and we chose hers because she is an only child, while I have three brothers. Half of my family is laughing and calling me "pussy whipped" while the other half won't speak to me. FML

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By Insomniac - United States - Wasilla

Today, after rolling my car on the highway, I witnessed several people stop and get out of their cars to take pictures. No one asked if I was okay, and I was the one who had to call 911 for myself. FML

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By Mayshod

Today, I met my new neighbors when they backed into my parked car. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, after hearing the doctor saying my girlfriend can never be pregnant, I got a bit too excited. I'm currently on the 5th hour of the silent treatment. FML

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By haus - United States

Nice try

Today, I had to go to court to see whether my driver's license is suspended for an entire year. I woke up early, went to court, and everything went perfectly, with all the charges being dropped. Unfortunately, I then woke up, and am now going to be late. FML

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By fme - United States

Today, I was making out with this guy, and I ask him if he wants to take my bra off. He has some trouble getting it off and says, "This is strange, I do it for my sister all the time." FML

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By Michael - Australia

Today, my 4 year old daughter was ripping out photos of the family photo book, I asked her why she was doing it she answered, "I saw mummy doing it to another book." The only other family photo book was the day we got married. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Thetford

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me, saying he had to move away to be with his dad, who's just been diagnosed with cancer. After talking to his sister, I discovered that not only is his dad healthy, he's not moving away either; he's just gotten back with his ex. FML

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By thedullard - United States

Today, at the gym, I see a person laying unconscious on the ground with people crowded around. Previously being a lifeguard, and knowing CPR, I ran over and asked a man what happened, preparing to check his vitals. I then realized that the body was a dummy and the employees were doing a drill. FML

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By quick blow - United States

Today, I received an email from my girlfriend listing 10 ways to stop premature ejaculation. Subtle. FML

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By snickerdoodles - United States

Today, I was in class and noticed that it smelled strongly of cat urine. I smelled my shoulder and realized that my cat had peed on my sweater. I had six hours of classes left, and the smell had permeated my shirt. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - San Francisco

Today, my girlfriend thought it'd be hilarious to secretly swap her and my mom's numbers in my phone, then sexually tease me before going to work. I found out about the prank when I texted my "girlfriend", saying I was going to fuck her so hard she wouldn't walk straight for days. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I offered my phone number to the guy I've been flirting back and forth with all week. He said no. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, to get my mind off being single, I texted some friends. The first one was going out tonight to work things out with her ex, the second told me about his amazing new girlfriend, and the third replied an hour later with, "Sorry, I was having sex when you texted me." FML

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By natalyV

Today, my boyfriend has been sulking like a moody kid all day, all because I won't set my phone background to a picture of his dick. FML

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By steveinnewsoh - United States

Today, I went to get a scratch off lottery ticket, and the dude in front of me got the same one I was going to get. He won 500 dollars. I got 2 bucks. FML

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By - India - Pune

Send help!

Today, I've managed to lock myself in my own bedroom. It won't open no matter what I do. FML

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By fthislyfe - United States

Today, while arm wrestling with my boyfriend, I had to pretend he beat me. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was running outside. On the last mile I am along side some fields. While running along the side of the road I glanced down and saw a snake. I was so startled I jumped left in front of a car screaming like a girl. The snake was dead. FML

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By StillAVirgin - Denmark

Today, my boyfriend said, "One day I'll tell my children how I met you. I mean, our children." It's pretty cute, except for the fact that we're 17 and have been dating for only two weeks. FML

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By Elena - United States

Today, after having worked two jobs for months to save up for a big vacation, I came home to find my hard-earned money replaced by my boyfriend's brand new motorcycle. FML

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By migsman - United States

Today, my girlfriend told me to stop saying "I love you" so much because it's starting to annoy her. FML

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By anonymous - United States

Today, I was almost done getting ready for a really big date, when I heard my dad call for help from outside. I rushed downstairs and out the door, only to be ambushed and showered by my father with the garden hose. FML

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By bonzo - Australia - Perth

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me after I drove two hours to his house, because he wanted to do it face to face. Then told me that if I wanted, we could have sex one last time, but I would have to leave right after, otherwise it would be weird. FML

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By Stevie - Canada

Today, my mom was convinced that the lawn gnomes we bought from Wal-Mart were secretly conspiring to kill us. FML

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By Jessica - Romania

Today, at 21 years of age, my doctor confirmed that I am, indeed, going bald. It wouldn't be such a bad thing, even expected, if I wasn't a woman. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my english teacher asked me why I didn't have my project completed. Thinking quick on my feet I told her it was because my grandmother had just passed away. Apparently they go to the same country club and have known each other for years. My teacher started crying and ran out of the room. FML

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Top comments

By shakenbake93 | 0

#652138 - Tuesday 3 November 2009 12:16

Oh man. I got to see a naked chick. FML.

By mitch707 | 0

#652159 - Tuesday 3 November 2009 12:40

Oh no did she see your nipples? How will you ever recover...

COMMENTS

By shakenbake93 | 0

#652138 - Tuesday 3 November 2009 12:16

Oh man. I got to see a naked chick. FML.

Reply

bridgette5866 | 0

#883026 - Monday 22 February 2010 22:28

The chick wasn't naked, OP was. The girl was doing her hair. Why is this so hard to understand?

By shakenbake93 | 0

#652143 - Tuesday 3 November 2009 12:20

oh. just got what it was saying. but still you were only half naked. how is this an fml?

Reply

cherry26272627 | 6

#3583337 - Monday 14 November 2011 6:30

Op is a girl.

By Savvysass | 0

#652148 - Tuesday 3 November 2009 12:23

wow, I feel so bad for you. that must have really scarred your soul, I suggest counselling for douchebaggery you douchebag.

By mitch707 | 0

#652159 - Tuesday 3 November 2009 12:40

Oh no did she see your nipples? How will you ever recover...

Reply

aperfectxdeath | 3

#4012074 - Thursday 9 February 2012 5:53

How will SHE ever recover***

Reply

Jiplo | 18

#5947750 - Saturday 17 May 2014 5:13

"You" is unisex... No gender is applied to "you".

By Mortanious | 0

#652169 - Tuesday 3 November 2009 12:50

How is this an FML? I put down YDI but seriously there should be a third option for posts likes this; something like "you're a f***ing idiot".

By Crazyemt5150 | 0

#652180 - Tuesday 3 November 2009 13:12

Today, I I realized that I have a vagina and it's bleeding. FML dude your an idiot.

Reply

mind_geek | 15

#2575351 - Friday 27 May 2011 23:10

OWNED

Reply

TheTrainKid | 20

#6251705 - Saturday 4 April 2015 1:06

you're*

By stupiddumbblonde | 0

#652185 - Tuesday 3 November 2009 13:16

lmao

By perdix | 29

#652220 - Tuesday 3 November 2009 14:03

It's good to know that if you go over to your girlfriend's apartment, and she's not there, there's a pretty good look-alike who can sub in in a pinch.

When your rubbing Velcro, does it really matter whose face is way over there? Or who is operating the strap-on?

Reply

Lonely_Lez | 0

#652498 - Tuesday 3 November 2009 18:28

Objectively, I should be offended, but I'm very, very amused. :)

Reply

perdix | 29

#652606 - Tuesday 3 November 2009 19:59

Oh, Lonely_Lez, you know I love you. I just chose to wear the dickhead/jackass hat for this one. ;)

By misspeg | 0

#652221 - Tuesday 3 November 2009 14:05

win!

By mrzero | 0

#652228 - Tuesday 3 November 2009 14:16

so buy one and get the second one for free