Love: Today, I took a girl on a date. Her and her imaginary friends.... - FML

By rokkstarrrVRV - 28/12/2013 08:42 - Canada - Edmonton

Today, I took a girl on a date. Her and her imaginary friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 217

You deserved it 5 150

You tried

Stop talking!

Damn kids!

Surprise!

By spiteful bitch - 25/07/2020 23:00

Today, my boyfriend’s ex found out I was pregnant. Her logical response was to have her teenage sons jump him as he was coming home from work. Now we’re filling out a police report instead of our baby registry. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 523

You deserved it 115

What?

By Anonymous - 11/08/2021 18:01

Today, I finally confronted my father about how rude and tactless he is. It wasn't until I'd finished my rant that I realized he was ignoring me. He then told me to get him something to drink. I replied, "Since you asked so rudely, you can go get it yourself." As soon as I'd said that, he grunted and repeated himself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 767

You deserved it 114

By Anonymous - 14/06/2013 16:24 - Cyprus - Limassol

Today, I attended my mother's funeral. My husband came too, and during the service, I kept hearing him giggling. I wrote it off as the usual awkward nerves, until he started snorting too, and I caught sight of the iPhone under his jacket. He was reading this very site. FML

I agree, your life sucks 64 496

You deserved it 4 571

By homo fuckofftus - 22/05/2015 17:10 - United States - San Diego

Today, we were discussing evolution at the super-religious school I'm forced to attend. I mentioned homo sapiens, and my teacher mockingly replied, "You actually believe in homo sapiens? Hahahah!" The whole class started laughing. No, not at the teacher; at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 072

You deserved it 2 465

By clip_kate - 01/07/2016 02:36

Today, I went to the store, but after I'd selected my items, I saw that I'd forgotten my wallet. When I tried to explain to the cashier, he thought that I was trying to steal and called the cops. My roommate had to come to the store to save me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 137

You deserved it 1 365

By FMyThroat - 18/01/2013 00:39 - Peru - Lima

Today, after battling for hours to get just a little sleep before my early morning work shift, I finally began drifting off. Then I got the worst attack of hiccups in my life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 624

You deserved it 2 807

By Anonymous - 24/01/2017 18:00

Today, I went paint-balling with my girlfriend. As we drove she was scared about getting shot a lot, especially in the head. I reassured her that with all the protective gear it was unlikely. First round, within a minute, she gets shot 3 times in the back of the head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 867

You deserved it 803

Time wasting

By PNeil - 13/11/2019 14:00

Today, after having spent all of last night studying for an algebra test, I find out that the test was on a completely different chapter of my textbook. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 137

You deserved it 1 493

By ThisBlows - 21/09/2011 17:20 - United States

Spicy

Today, I caught my wife slipping penis enlargement pills into my coffee. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 202

You deserved it 8 793

By Anonymous - 16/10/2012 12:36 - United States - Battle Creek

Spicy

Today, I tried role playing with my boyfriend. As I came out in sexy lingerie, I announced, "I'm Natalia, a Russian spy fluent in 2 languages: Russian and your cock." He laughed so hard he practically pissed himself. The night ended in me doing his laundry. Alone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 881

You deserved it 20 471

By LadyJane - 13/01/2017 14:21

Today, I was trying to exercise more, so I went for a walk. I was quickly overtaken by a middle-aged lady with cankles, carrying heavy shopping bags in each hand. I'm 19, skinny, and apparently very unfit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 784

You deserved it 2 507

Words, don't come easy

By Anonymous - 27/03/2020 17:00

Spicy

Today, mid-sex, my wife told me to call her a nasty slut. I was kind of uncomfortable doing it, but I did it to make her horny. She started crying, because she didn’t realise how much it would hurt her feelings. Now I’m not sure if she’s mad at me or herself, but I’m scared either way. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 481

You deserved it 242

By Kate - 03/06/2010 07:44 - United States

Today, my husband decided he will be a 'stay at home' dad. We have two cats. No kids. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 579

You deserved it 4 056

By Babyhazy - 05/06/2016 21:52 - Australia - South Yarra

Today, I'm so tired from constantly soothing my crying 2-month-old baby that I've started trying to soothe inanimate objects with baby talk when they make a noise. My fridge stated beeping and I began an involuntary chorus of, 'It's OK darling, shhhhhh, it's alright.' FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 300

You deserved it 1 422

Delayed proposal

By Anonymous - 18/07/2020 23:02

Today, my girlfriend found the engagement ring I bought and assumed it was a late birthday present. She’s now wearing it on her right hand like a signet ring and she somehow hasn’t figured out it’s a diamond and not a Swarovski. I'm now waiting for her to figure it out before I pop the question. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 649

You deserved it 365

By maddiebauer - 26/07/2012 14:48 - United States - Plainfield

Today, my mom once again commented on how I need to work out. It has come to the point that I now walk around in exercise clothes and have a bottle of water/fake sweat to put on, just so she thinks I work out. This is how lazy I am. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 386

You deserved it 45 436

By Anonymous - 17/07/2015 17:14 - United States - West Palm Beach

Today, I felt some serious gas building up while at the supermarket. I tried to quietly fart it out, only to end up sharting myself. I had to frantically waddle out of the store as discreetly as possible as several people in the vicinity freaked out and tried to locate the source of the smell. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 480

You deserved it 4 327

By Kebabjoon - 29/04/2011 11:36 - Spain

Today, I had my first job interview for eight months. My interviewer noticeably yawned during my reply to the first question. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 539

You deserved it 4 863

By Kat - 08/03/2009 05:47 - United States

Spicy

Today, I bragged to a coworker that our boss compliments me constantly on my work performance, my fashion sense, and my trustworthiness. She then directed me to a "neighborhood watch" website. My boss is a registered sex offender. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 179

You deserved it 8 176

By nottililgirl - 04/09/2009 03:24 - United States

Today, after taking a shower, I noticed a weird noise and asked my husband about it. "I think it's in the walls," I told him. After careful inspection, he simply turned off the electric razor I had just used to shave my legs and gave me 'that' look. I had beaten him in an IQ test not 24 hours prior. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 995

You deserved it 44 024

Here boy!

By DrakeB - 20/01/2013 16:34 - United States - Seattle

Today, I found a lost dog and called the owner. When he arrived, I thought it would be cute to put the dog down so he would run back into his owner's arms, like in movies. As soon as I put the dog down, it ran away again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 808

You deserved it 43 896

By Anonymous - 03/07/2015 19:29 - Canada - Winnipeg

Today, I told my boyfriend that I love him. He replied by telling me to fuck off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 586

You deserved it 3 456

Barf

By Anonymous - 05/10/2021 20:00

Today, I spent all day cleaning the carpets in every room. I own two dogs and a cat, so deodorizing and deep cleaning the carpets is an all-day chore. At 9 p.m., after I was done with the last room, I went out to the living room and saw one of my dogs had been sick all over the place. Had to reclean the carpet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 897

You deserved it 185

Still got game

By Anonymous - 27/09/2009 12:52 - United Kingdom

Spicy

Today, I listened to my voice mail messages for the first time in months. One was from my Grandma that must have been meant for Gramps. I think I know now why my mother has so many siblings. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 319

You deserved it 2 130

By TasedAndDazed - 09/10/2009 15:05 - United States

Today, I snuck into my boyfriend's house because I knew his parents wouldn't be there. Later, I woke up in a hospital bed because his sister thought I was a burglar and tased me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 444

You deserved it 42 858

By iamgodzilla - 14/05/2015 02:55 - United States - Owings Mills

Today, I got a friend request on Facebook. It's from the person who crashed into my car earlier in the month. It's funny that she doesn't return my calls or messages, but liked my status about the accident. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 598

You deserved it 2 174

By "liisiuu" - 13/07/2017 05:00

Today, I went on a date with a guy who turned out to be my older brother's friend. In the middle of the night we were drunk and got stuck in my room after the key broke inside the lock. My brother had to help my date climb out of the window. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 965

You deserved it 863

By zlotytarasy - 14/10/2009 22:03 - Poland

Today, I accepted a great job offer I've been working months to earn so I can continue to live with my fiancé here in Poland. I just found out that my work visa was denied. Now I have to fly home to Canada and reapply before coming back. This takes a month. My new job starts tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 864

You deserved it 3 522

Denied

By Anonymous - 31/12/2020 14:02

Today, I asked a girl for her number and I wrote it down when she gave it to me. When I called her, it wasn't her. She'd given me a restaurant's phone number. FML

I agree, your life sucks 688

You deserved it 273

By EmbarrassedBather - 09/06/2019 00:00

Spicy

Today, while I was showering, someone left a note on the bathroom door that read, "We can all hear you masturbating. Shut the hell up." I don't know what's more embarrassing, that everyone in my house thought I was masturbating or that I was actually singing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 900

You deserved it 324

Not now!

By Anonymous - 20/09/2009 05:01 - United States

Today, I was in a department store with my three year old daughter to buy some new jeans. I took her into the dressing room with me and as I began to take off my pants she yells, "Mommy, you can't go peepee in here!!" I am no longer welcome in that particular store. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 306

You deserved it 3 819

By Samantha Glennie - 13/07/2018 20:30

Today, due to the high pollen count and despite taking hay fever medicine, I passed out in the bathroom from not being able to breathe. My mother accused me of doing it on purpose to make her late for work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 622

You deserved it 222

By Anonymous - 05/08/2009 05:25 - United States

Today, my 6 ft snake got loose. I found it. It was in my neighbor's backyard, constricting their pet rabbit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 196

You deserved it 45 392

By ayeayeboy19 - 11/09/2014 14:57 - United Kingdom - Edinburgh

Today, I was watching "My Strange Addiction". The woman featured ate rocks. While judging her weird habit, I realised I was chewing on a coat-hanger the whole time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 909

You deserved it 14 206

By Anonymous - 25/07/2016 21:28 - United States - Spokane

Today, I sent a Snapchat the girl I've been flirting with all week. Her response was the back of her Coke Zero, which had the quote "You've Got a Friend in Me." I got rejected by a soda can. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 043

You deserved it 1 707

By LonelyOtter - 11/12/2018 14:00

Today, one of my female friends decided she wants a relationship with my ex. I told her I was fine with it because we've been apart for years and have been friends ever since. She then made him chose between being friends with me and having her as a girlfriend. I just lost two of my few friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 333

You deserved it 240

By Anonymous - 18/07/2012 17:00 - United States - Chicago

Today, I went to the beach with a friend. We'd forgotten to get our towels out of the SUV, so I rushed back to the parking lot. I opened the passenger-side door and climbed in to begin my search. After ten seconds or so, I realized I'd busted into someone else's car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 532

You deserved it 6 887

By Anonymous - 24/07/2015 17:59 - Northern Mariana Islands - Saipan

Today, I was telling 3 classmates on Whatsapp about my depression. One of them told me to "nut up n grow a pear." Two hours after we mocked him for being an illiterate jackass, one of us has had our car tires knifed and another's house has been egged. I'm terrified of what will happen to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 716

You deserved it 5 308

By kblevss - 05/01/2013 09:21 - United States - Bayville

Spicy

Today, I was having sex with my new boyfriend, and I realized that he enjoys making airplane sound effects while inserting himself inside of me. Moment ruined. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 651

You deserved it 5 692

By Anonymous - 14/08/2017 13:00

Today, my girlfriend's dad refused to give me permission to marry his daughter because I'm "covered in gang tattoos" and he doesn't want his daughter marrying a criminal. The only tattoos I have are the Game of Thrones direwolf and a quote from the Lord of the Rings movies. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 712

You deserved it 1 340

Add a comment - Reply to : #

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

Send a private message

Saturday 28 December 2013 15:55

As long as you didn't pay for all of them :)

capslockisgood 19

Send a private message

Saturday 28 December 2013 15:55

Orgy?

Comments

capslockisgood 19

Send a private message

Saturday 28 December 2013 15:55

Orgy?

booze_n_bitches 35

Send a private message

Saturday 28 December 2013 16:01

It's an interesting thing to admit on a first date - maybe she was joking?

Trym 7

Send a private message

Saturday 28 December 2013 16:33

Imaginary orgy!

ChevyRedneck85 13

Send a private message

Saturday 28 December 2013 16:34

Run

StormfrontX33_fml 24

Send a private message

Saturday 28 December 2013 16:44

I imagine that the date didn't end that well...

speakersboom 19

Send a private message

Saturday 28 December 2013 17:16

this FML is fake.

Send a private message

Saturday 28 December 2013 17:24

How would you know 37?

speakersboom 19

Send a private message

Saturday 28 December 2013 17:27

^^pun.

Send a private message

Saturday 28 December 2013 15:55

As long as you didn't pay for all of them :)

CaptinFalconKnig 6

Send a private message

Saturday 28 December 2013 16:20

Should of drop them off at foster's home for imagery friends.

patrickalamo 47

Send a private message

Saturday 28 December 2013 16:58

Tell her your going Dutch and split the bill among all of the friends.

KushCrushin89 10

Send a private message

Saturday 28 December 2013 23:58

Splitting the bill among her friends isn't Dutch. Dutch is everyone pays for themselves...

Send a private message

Saturday 28 December 2013 15:56

One fuck two fuck 3 fuck 4

Send a private message

Saturday 28 December 2013 15:59

You are no Dr. Seuss.

Send a private message

Saturday 28 December 2013 15:56

Everyone has their quirks, try and look past it.

Send a private message

Saturday 28 December 2013 15:59

Yeah I'm pretty sure imaginary friends is something you grow out of..

DrippingSarcasm 20

Send a private message

Saturday 28 December 2013 16:42

It's weird enough she still has imaginary friends, but weirder that she didn't leave them at home for a date..

Send a private message

Saturday 28 December 2013 17:05

If you don't wanna play along just allow it, she seems harmless

Send a private message

Saturday 28 December 2013 17:27

8-Nah, I think some of us just become writers and artists instead. ;)

Send a private message

Saturday 28 December 2013 18:22

Maybe they followed her there? #32

Send a private message

Saturday 28 December 2013 18:45

I think this mental disorder has a name...

cocainewhore 30

Send a private message

Saturday 28 December 2013 19:04

#50 I'm not sure imagination is a mental disorder.

Send a private message

Saturday 28 December 2013 19:26

After a certain age yes, fully believing in imaginary friends is a mental disorder

Send a private message

Saturday 28 December 2013 20:08

I can't seem to remember what it is... Hm, it's at the tip of my tongue- Ah! Schizophrenia.... OP should search her place for her meds... Don't you agree, #50?

Send a private message

Sunday 29 December 2013 0:24

Hate to speculate, but it probably wouldn't be Schizophrenia, but maybe a personality disorder of some sort. DID maybe, or maybe she's using them as a coping method for her anxiety on the date.

emeek 5

Send a private message

Sunday 29 December 2013 2:27

I'm pretty sure that's not a quirk... But pure insanity

Send a private message

Saturday 28 December 2013 15:59

Introduce them to your pet rock.

rocker_chick105 31

Send a private message

Sunday 29 December 2013 6:00

I seriously love how your picture is of Patrick and you commented that. All I can think about it "Patrick, your snail is a rock..." "Yeah, I know. He's got nerves of steel!" I commend you, sir.

Koppol 15

Send a private message

Monday 30 December 2013 3:45

Haha The Great Snail Race gets me every time "It's ok, take your time Rocky" (or something like that).

Send a private message

Saturday 28 December 2013 15:59

pretty creepy but then again you took multiple girls on a single date and paid for only one if you sleep together that's an orgy and you really only have to please one. that's called big pimpin' son embrace it.

LowExpectations 30

Send a private message

Sunday 29 December 2013 0:57

What if her imaginary friends are guys... Nothing wrong with a gang bang, but personally I believe in the one dick per fantasy rule.

Send a private message

Saturday 28 December 2013 15:59

How old is she?

booze_n_bitches 35

Send a private message

Saturday 28 December 2013 16:00

Are they hot?

Send a private message

Saturday 28 December 2013 16:01

schizophrenia is the best explanation :p

domolovesyoshi 33

Send a private message

Saturday 28 December 2013 19:25

and not funny

KushCrushin89 10

Send a private message

Sunday 29 December 2013 0:00

I agree it's not funny... it's hilarious!

Send a private message

Sunday 29 December 2013 12:25

Schizophrenia makes a person hear voices, not think that they have imaginary friends -__-"

Send a private message

Sunday 29 December 2013 18:01

Some people project those voices as actual beings (imaginary friends) or sometimes as split personalities.

MyUsernameKatie 31

Send a private message

Saturday 28 December 2013 16:03

Yup. That's normal and not weird at all. Well, if you're 8 or younger at least.

Send a private message

Saturday 28 December 2013 16:08

Plot twist: OP went on a date with an 8 year old.

Send a private message

Saturday 28 December 2013 20:11

And- The relationship ends in tragedy- OP is arrested for pedophilia and for having intercourse with a minor. The young and darling girlfriend of OP is devastated. *tear*

buttery_nipples 12

Send a private message

Tuesday 31 December 2013 5:07

How do you know OP isn't an 8 year old too? Maybe he will have a happy life with her

Nearly

Today, it has been 7 years of me submitting FML’s. I don’t know what worse, that I’ve submitted so many of that none have never been featured. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19

You deserved it 11

Today, I spent my 25th birthday crying alone in my room with my baby, because no else seemed to care it was my birthday. My partner and I had a fight the night before and we haven’t spoken or seen each other since. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58

You deserved it 17

Spicy

Spicy

Today, I found out I’m going to be a father, twice over, with two different women. Sisters, in fact. Only one of those sisters is my wife. Should I flee abroad, or walk calmly towards the firing squad straight away? FML

I agree, your life sucks 124

You deserved it 2 345

Today, my boyfriend finally told me after over two years together that the reason we only have sex once a month is because my stomach is, “off-putting”. FML

I agree, your life sucks 893

You deserved it 195