Today, I told the girl I've been seeing for a while about the... - FML

By Anonymous - 5/10/2010 21:27 - United States

Today, I told the girl I've been seeing for a while about the strong feelings that I have for her and that I was falling in love. She told me my words made her realize what it felt like to be in love. My words were so powerful, in fact, that she ran right back into the arms of her ex boyfriend. FML

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White line fever

Time don't heal nothing

Rich people problems

By Anonymous - 6/5/2017 08:00 - United States - Indianapolis

Today, I called and went downtown after the city incorrectly issued fines against my property and threatened jail time for violating city ordinances, not paying fines, and not filing permits. They told me that, until fines are paid, they cannot correct a thing even though they got the address wrong. FML

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By DEAD inside - 15/11/2018 08:30 - United States - Pomona

Today, I woke up and brushed my teeth as usual. My brother had decided it would be a good time to prank me and rubbed a ton of salt into my toothbrush. A while later, he stood outside the bathroom door repeatedly saying sorry. It was Epsom salt. FML

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By 918boyz - 4/2/2009 22:23 - United States

Today, I got in line at the grocery store. The woman in front of me looked right at me, turned to her friend, and said "That reminds me, I forgot to get acne cream." FML

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By Anonymous - 27/5/2011 23:30 - United States

Today, a girl I've been crushing on for over a year finally gave me her number. I lost the note at home, but found it a few hours later. I excitedly called, only to find she'd written down the number for the local Pizza Hut. FML

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By Dave - 23/4/2012 13:22 - United States - Brookfield

Today, I left my number on my receipt for a cute waitress. As I was leaving the bar, she came running out and called me over. I obviously got excited. Turns out I'd forgotten to sign my slip. FML

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By saywhatnow - 25/11/2009 20:26 - United States

Today, a man stopped me to tell me I was the most beautiful woman he'd seen all day. He promptly followed that up with: "Then again, you are the only woman I've seen today, so, it can only go up from here." FML

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By Anonymous - 14/11/2010 00:45 - Germany

Today, my girlfriend and I were lying in her bed. We fooled around and were about to have sex as she suddenly began to cry without any reason. She cried for 30 minutes until I finally managed to calm her down. She said there was no reason for her crying. Then she fell asleep. FML

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By SeaBind - 16/11/2014 00:41 - United States - Saginaw

Today, a friend wanted to show me a game he bragged he was the best at. I beat his score on the first try, and now I have a black eye to prove it. FML

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By pledonasm - 15/3/2015 16:11 - India - Thane

Today, I took my son to the playground and watched him have fun. Minutes later, I was being shoved around and called a pedophile because I was there alone with no wife. By the time I convinced them I was innocent, my son was bawling. FML

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By Pokemon problems - 23/10/2012 22:00 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I babysat a 10-year-old and we played Pokémon. It was my first time playing, so he showed me. I ended up winning and the kid started crying and told his parents he hated me. They decided not to pay me for the night, and now I'm out of a job. FML

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By Bug8Frog - 30/7/2013 06:42 - United States - Anchorage

Today, I bought a device that plays a high-pitched sound to teach my dog to quit barking. She's smart enough to learn that as long as she barks loud enough and long enough, she can't hear it. Quite the opposite effect to what I was anticipating. FML

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By stuckwithafamilyofcunts - 27/4/2013 20:23 - Spain - El Puig

Today, my little brother gave me an open jar of peanut butter for my birthday. I'm deathly allergic, and he knows it. Despite his maniacal grin and snickering, my parents said it was an innocent mistake, and grounded me for yelling at him. FML

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By Anonymous - 10/1/2011 13:23 - Canada

Today, my boss asked for recommendations on how to improve the office. I sent her an e-mail full of my ideas. Later, my boss sent me a reply, saying, "Here's what head office thinks of your ideas." It contained a list of insults upper management made about me. FML

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By ouch - 20/12/2013 04:41 - United States - Cleveland

Today, I dropped a new 50lb box of tiles. Luckily, none of the tiles broke. I'm assuming this is because my foot cushioned the fall. FML

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By Anonymous - 20/11/2012 10:41 - United States - Huntington Park

Today, I have an ear infection. The pain from it radiates from my ear all the way down the left side of my face, so my doctor prescribed me something that makes half of my face numb and pretty much unusable. Tomorrow, I have to give a presentation on strokes for my med class. Go figure. FML

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By who_cares - 9/7/2015 11:20 - United States - Garden Grove

Today, I told my coworker who I have been crushing on for a while, that I really enjoyed our time last night. I immediately realized that the time we spent last night was in my sex dream. FML

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By Love stinks - 19/8/2013 13:06 - United States

Today, my band informed me that our gig this afternoon was actually a wedding. Whose wedding? My ex-wife's, along with the guy she cheated on me with. For their first dance, I had to sing what used to be our song. FML

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By anonymous - 18/12/2016 03:15

Today, my pregnant sister has apparently always loved my boyfriend's name and wants to give it to her child. She expects me to break up with my boyfriend so "it doesn't get weird." FML

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By Colleen - 18/1/2009 23:14 - United States

Today, I bought a party bowl of Bud Light for a get-together. Around midnight, I realized that I didn't have the tap to get the beer out. Fifty-five cans of untappable beer and no more beer money. FML

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By AgentFreshers - 7/7/2011 23:07 - United States

Today, my mother resolved to never visit McDonald's again. Not because of ethics or health concerns, but because they charged her for extra barbecue sauce. She bitched out the man in the drive-through for a good five minutes, while I sat awkwardly in the passenger's seat. FML

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By Jade - 22/8/2013 00:09 - United States - Reseda

Today, my wackjob roommate decided to sit next to me on the couch, basically make out with her pet rabbit, and baby-talk to it. Key highlights involved giggling while the bunny licked up inside her nose and then commenting on the rabbit's "pronounced nipples". Why? FML

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By Anonymous - 15/10/2010 23:01 - Canada

Today, I went to class with my bag packed for a weekend trip when it began to vibrate violently. Stopping mid-lecture, the professor approached me and asked politely if I could turn off my cell phone as I was disturbing the other 150 pupils in the class. It was my personal vibrator. FML

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By Impressionist - 25/8/2016 11:17 - United Kingdom

Today, I made quite an impression on my new bin men by forgetting to put the bin out 'til the last minute. I'm sure they enjoyed a good laugh at the woman in shorts, tank top and slippers struggling with a brolly as she slipped and slid while dragging her bin up a hill in a downpour. FML

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By sunburychick - 13/9/2009 09:27 - Australia

Today, I realised that the man who I wanted to be with, the man who wanted to be with me, and my husband were three different people. FML

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By Anonymous - 28/8/2019 00:01 - Australia - Darwin

Today, I woke up in the shower at my coworker's house, with my clothes on and soaking wet. Apparently, the night before I drank too much and punched my best friend. The sad part is, I passed out on the couch, but somehow ended up in the shower, facing the wrong way. FML

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By thanks sis - 22/10/2015 00:57 - United States - Reading

Today, my sister asked me to grab her some toilet paper. I refused, so she grabbed my favorite shirt out of the laundry basket and used it to wipe. I was busy icing my sprained ankle. I couldn't walk. She knew this. FML

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By Anonymous - 2/12/2010 08:11 - United Kingdom

Today, I got a phone call to say my workplace was closed due to extreme weather conditions. Looking forward to my day off, I then realised the boiler was broken and my house has no heating despite there being a foot of snow outside. I'm spending the day in bed, wearing all my clothes. FML

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By Anonymous - 10/5/2019 16:00

Today, the guy I've been talking to for two months told me he hooked up with a girl last night, before blocking me on everything. I also was with him last night. FML

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By BFFN - 14/4/2016 15:36 - United Kingdom - Glasgow

Today, my best friend told me she no longer wants an "active friendship" with me. She says she doesn't have time to see me, since she has a boyfriend and a bunch of friends she's spent years bitching to me about. We've gone from a 14 year friendship to awkwardly nodding at each other in the street. FML

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By YankeeDoodle - 4/3/2010 05:30 - Australia

Today, I discovered my employer is advertising for a contractor position within my team performing basically the same role as myself. Except the pay is seven times more. FML

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By Forever sad - 6/10/2011 00:55 - United States

Today, I learned that my mother might not live much longer. My boyfriend, instead of showing compassion asked me, "We're still having video chat sex, right?" FML

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By goodbye cruel world - 1/12/2012 01:28 - United States - Chula Vista

Today, my dad grounded me for two weeks for profusely swearing at my misbehaving laptop. After some arguing, he actually accepted my half-joking offer to play a game of CoD over it. His condition was that if I lost, my grounding period would double. We played. He kicked my ass. FML

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By Bob smith - 19/12/2011 20:57 - Australia

Today, it was my first day working as a nightclub bartender. All through the evening, a really creepy bloke stood in a dark corner and leered at the girls on the dance floor. When I took the bouncer to one side to let him know, he told me the man was a coat stand. FML

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By captainocd - 19/8/2010 19:16 - United States

Today, my incredibly self conscious girlfriend decided to get over her fears and let me see her in her underwear. She did a short strip tease, crawled on top of me and asked what I thought. I couldn't think of anything to say besides, "Your bra and panties don't match." FML

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By unlucky - 27/10/2011 08:06 - United States

Today, I was jogging around the neighborhood when I saw an old man on his porch. Being friendly, I waved at him as I ran by. Apparently his idea of greeting someone is pelting them with stones. FML

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By uncleaning - 22/7/2009 23:03 - United States

Today, after I cleaned out the fridge of things that expired months ago, my roommate got angry and insisted upon pulling all the moldy dairy products out of the garbage and putting them back because "they weren't mine and I shouldn't throw out other people's food." FML

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By Anonymous - 27/10/2011 15:24 - United Kingdom

Today, my pregnancy test came back positive. The only way I could have gotten pregnant is from having gotten drunk and sleeping with my ex. We broke up because I didn't want children. FML

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By Warriorwizzle - 15/12/2018 04:00 - Vietnam - Hanoi

Today I had to move down to the 3rd floor because after complaining about rats on my rooftop the landlord put down traps. Rats died. Flies came. The flies laid eggs. The eggs birthed maggots. The maggots rained down from my broken ceiling into my bed and all over my floor. I am not okay. FML

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By mokki - 31/3/2015 12:56 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I am seven months pregnant with my third child. I woke up to my two-and-a-half year old trying to "pop the balloon" in my tummy. FML

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By not on life, that's for fucking sure - 25/10/2014 18:27 - United States

Today, I went to a big job interview. As I walked in, I tripped and fell flat on my face. Other highlights include my voice cracking multiple times, sweating profusely and getting uncontrollable nervous giggling. The interviewer eventually stared at me in disbelief and asked if I was high. FML

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Top comments

By EmoOrange | 0

#1504175 - Wednesday 6 October 2010 1:16

You can do better. But then again she can't help it. You will find love one day :) i pinky promise.

By shhhh_x0 | 0

#1504623 - Wednesday 6 October 2010 4:22

yeah, telling a girl that you love her bra will most likely make her feel uncomfortable.

Comments

By xGabri3L | 3

#1504152 - Wednesday 6 October 2010 1:12

Shuckz :/

Reply

I_iz_B_a_troll | 23

#1504213 - Wednesday 6 October 2010 1:28

Op ydi for being unliked by the person you like.

Reply

AlyWallyy | 0

#1504216 - Wednesday 6 October 2010 1:32

I'm pretty sure you ^^ aren't liked by any one. according to all ur fml comments

Reply

imaginaryvoice | 18

#1504218 - Wednesday 6 October 2010 1:33

Well I like him just fine! :p

Reply

ladiesmanbaby | 0

#1504274 - Wednesday 6 October 2010 2:05

good for you

Reply

I_iz_B_a_troll | 23

#1504299 - Wednesday 6 October 2010 2:30

IV, thanks! ;) See 27, I've still got people that don't hate me! I'll need to work on that...

PS: we have the same birthday, imaginaryvoice!

PS: What does ps stand for?

Reply

imaginaryvoice | 18

#1504315 - Wednesday 6 October 2010 2:46

Lol! you're older by a day! Thats awesome!

Reply

I_iz_B_a_troll | 23

#1504326 - Wednesday 6 October 2010 2:57

Your profile says 4/11, aren't you a little young to be lying about your age?

Anyway, I beat you!

Reply

zakkyzebra | 11

#1504328 - Wednesday 6 October 2010 2:58

I like them too...

Reply

imaginaryvoice | 18

#1504349 - Wednesday 6 October 2010 3:03

Lol it definitely says 4/12 0.o

Reply

I_iz_B_a_troll | 23

#1504360 - Wednesday 6 October 2010 3:06

No it doesn't.

Reply

chili10 | 18

#1504387 - Wednesday 6 October 2010 3:09

55 yes it does. and 56 my profile says my birthday is one day earlier than it actually is too. she didn't lie.. it's a glitch.

Reply

imaginaryvoice | 18

#1504404 - Wednesday 6 October 2010 3:19

Oh my god it does say 4/11! But on my actual profile it says 4/12... Guess we can't be twins... Haha

Reply

I_iz_B_a_troll | 23

#1504436 - Wednesday 6 October 2010 3:28

58 I know, it was messin with me a while ago.. And IV that's too bad, I guess that means I'm not your long lost evil twin :(

Reply

SShelbyy | 1

#1504480 - Wednesday 6 October 2010 3:40

Is love real? or is it something we make up to make the world seem like a better place?

Reply

iHOOT4Hooters | 0

#1504758 - Wednesday 6 October 2010 5:13

68- Love is definitely real. We all love God, and he loves us, so how could it not be real?

Reply

skullbashd | 3

#1505007 - Wednesday 6 October 2010 7:21

ps stands for post script

Reply

alienc | 0

#1508282 - Wednesday 6 October 2010 19:29

I really do believe love exists, I'm sure we've all felt it even if just a glimpse. It's just those "down" moments that make us want to believe it doesn't, it has to, otherwise what left do we have in this world.

Reply

CoBHateCrew | 0

#1513499 - Thursday 7 October 2010 21:11

God has a tendency to dick me over... not so sure about him.

Reply

SACaveman | 3

#1513919 - Thursday 7 October 2010 23:42

^ Ditto!

By Beki_luvs_u | 0

#1504162 - Wednesday 6 October 2010 1:13

aw

Reply

mmplayer | 0

#1504780 - Wednesday 6 October 2010 5:18

dude she's a bitch... if you were ever to get married she would be the type of girl to get an affair :o

By karimkz | 0

#1504165 - Wednesday 6 October 2010 1:13

lolololol fyl indeed

By AshleyTay | 0

#1504167 - Wednesday 6 October 2010 1:14

ouch. that's what you get for being deep

Reply

kellyc007 | 0

#1504262 - Wednesday 6 October 2010 1:56

yea, you shudda come back with "bitch i didnt want yo ho ass anyways, thats why your boyfriend dumped you" or somthing of that sort:)

By KaleidoscopePope | 0

#1504169 - Wednesday 6 October 2010 1:14

well damn :(

By jaybird09 | 0

#1504171 - Wednesday 6 October 2010 1:15

you never ever tell a women you love her brah

Reply

kaijapapaya | 0

#1504321 - Wednesday 6 October 2010 2:51

Are you talking from personal experience? If so, I completely understand. But let's not shoot down the opportunities of other guys, simply because no woman could ever love you.

Reply

shhhh_x0 | 0

#1504623 - Wednesday 6 October 2010 4:22

yeah, telling a girl that you love her bra will most likely make her feel uncomfortable.

Reply

Buchitoo | 4

#1505027 - Wednesday 6 October 2010 7:35

LMBO. 75 is a win!!!!

OP sorry. it is nice to hear when somebody loves you. but sometimes if you say it to soon it may scare the person off. maybe the ex was just an excuse.

By CALIGIRLFYL | 0

#1504172 - Wednesday 6 October 2010 1:15

LMAO

By Icyyy | 0

#1504173 - Wednesday 6 October 2010 1:15

Somehow I doubt that this would actually happen. Although I feel that way about 99.9% of the FMLs on here.

Reply

twinny_sc | 13

#1504292 - Wednesday 6 October 2010 2:22

Then why do you keep coming back?

Reply

myth454 | 2

#1504305 - Wednesday 6 October 2010 2:36

good point

Reply

docscientist | 9

#1504309 - Wednesday 6 October 2010 2:40

You mustn't have much much experience with immature girls.

Reply

imaginaryvoice | 18

#1504333 - Wednesday 6 October 2010 2:59

Leave her alone guys. It's only immature to insult someone who isn't even being immature. Lord forbid someone state their opinion on FML.

Reply

TheIrishJaneDoe | 8

#1504407 - Wednesday 6 October 2010 3:19

54: Actually, expressing this particular opinion is forbidden, if not by God. = It kills the fun to question the validity of the story, and admits a lack of imagination.

Reply

stunner_steph | 0

#1504415 - Wednesday 6 October 2010 3:22

true I don't either but there super funny x]

Reply

imaginaryvoice | 18

#1504426 - Wednesday 6 October 2010 3:26

Lol her comment didn't ruin any of my fun. But alright, sure. Stating that you don't believe the OP's post is completely wrong and nobody should ever do it ever. That's your lesson for today, kids.

Reply

imaginaryvoice | 18

#1504439 - Wednesday 6 October 2010 3:28

P.s, I really like your hair, Jane. :)

Reply

Icyyy | 0

#1504632 - Wednesday 6 October 2010 4:25

41- How does any of this have to do with coming back? ^_^'
45- I am one, lol.
54- Thanks xP
62- Yea, same here. :3

Reply

BlacOpsMaximus | 5

#1504979 - Wednesday 6 October 2010 6:58

actually this has happened to me.

Reply

hairt | 4

#1505151 - Wednesday 6 October 2010 8:56

coz it's interesting to read the fmls on here right #7? =D

Reply

hairt | 4

#1505154 - Wednesday 6 October 2010 8:57

I mean 9 omg

Reply

mandy_Reeves | 0

#1505171 - Wednesday 6 October 2010 9:02

well...maybe she realized you were not for her. Or she was not for you...better you know now.

Reply

alienc | 0

#1508254 - Wednesday 6 October 2010 19:23

Sounds like she never got over her ex. Your strong emotions just triggered something she was trying to hold back and repress that she forgot/lost it. Bad luck OP, well atleast you got your feelings out, better than a what-if situation I guess.

By EmoOrange | 0

#1504175 - Wednesday 6 October 2010 1:16

You can do better. But then again she can't help it. You will find love one day :) i pinky promise.

By JtownDude | 0

#1504177 - Wednesday 6 October 2010 1:17

fail