Today, I told my parents that I have a boyfriend. I was answering...

By busted - 22/9/2012 21:45 - United Kingdom

Today, I told my parents that I have a boyfriend. I was answering their questions about him, when my dad cut me off mid-sentence. He accused me of lying through my teeth, and said I'd based him off a character from a Harrison Ford movie. FML

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Love

Time for the ER

Please like me

Gas giant

By botheredgf - 9/11/2010 12:02 - New Zealand

Today, my boyfriend drunkenly decided to let his friends cut his hair into a mullet. He won't change it. I'm supposed to introduce him to my family. FML

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By number2 - 15/12/2009 08:50 - United States

Today, it hit me that my dad didn't cry when I moved out, he did so only when I came back later to pick up my cat. FML

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By Anonymous - 26/3/2020 02:05

Dealing with it

Today, my husband's idea of social isolation is to lock himself in his caravan with his Xbox, 200 cans of beer and a dozen takeaway menus. I’ve not seen him in 6 days, and when I tried to force entry to tell him to snap out of it, he sprayed disinfectant at me until I couldn’t breathe. FML

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By Anonymous - 12/9/2015 06:42 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my boss stopped me mid-sentence, scowling and telling me to zip up my fly. It wouldn't have been so embarrassing if I hadn't been in the middle of giving a presentation to not only him, but his own boss and a company executive as well. FML

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By Anonymous - 6/11/2018 05:00

Today, my daughter told me her tummy hurt, but I assumed she was lying because she hates visiting grandma. About 20 minutes into the car ride, she got excited and said, "Mum my tummy doesn’t hurt anymore!" About 10 seconds later the smell filled the car right up to the roof. It was diarrhoea. FML

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By Anonymous - 4/4/2009 12:08 - Australia

Today, I slept over at my boyfriend's house and he offered to give me a massage, as he'd found a book on sensual massage and wanted to test it out on me. When he went to the bathroom, I found the book open on his desk- at "Massage to eliminate cellulite". FML

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By nail714 - 25/6/2009 05:02 - United States

Today, while at football practice, my teammates and I were on water break. At the bus barn next to the field, a good-looking girl was washing a bus. Some of the guys started to yell pick-up lines at her from 50 yards away, and pretty soon I chime in. She turns around. It was my younger sister. FML

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By whoneedsdumbcars - 14/8/2009 08:29 - United States

Today, at a restaurant, I noticed a really hot girl leaving with her friend. A few minutes later they came back, laughing uncontrollably, and announced that some moron forgot to put on their parking brake and the car was rolling into the full parking lot. It was my car. They watched me chase it. FML

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By Molly - 14/11/2009 19:48 - United States

Today, I wore my cool new shirt with an oriental character on it to class. The Chinese TA burst into laughter and told me the shirt read, "I am a sad, pathetic person." FML

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By Egtat216 - 29/7/2016 22:03 - United Kingdom - Aberdeen

Today, whilst tuning my guitar, one of the steel strings snapped and hit me in the face. Now I'm on my way to my first date with the girl of my dreams, and I'm wearing an eye patch and have a thick red line across my face. FML

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By sadlife - 6/1/2011 03:35

Today, I changed my Facebook relationship status to "In a relationship". The girl is made up and the picture is from Google. FML

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By Tomtom - 17/11/2008 05:04 - France

Today, I put on the same jeans that I had left in a bundle in my bedroom the day before. A few hours later, my boxer shorts decided to make their spectacular reappearance trick at the bottom of my leg in the middle of one of my meetings. FML

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By seriously? - 22/12/2012 22:19 - United States - Spring

Today, while talking to my boyfriend, he got upset and accused me of making up words to make him feel stupid. All because I used the word "vapid." FML

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By FlyingWhisps - 27/9/2011 23:33 - United States

Today, my grandparents came to visit. So far, they have called me fat, bragged about how my cousin is better than me, and told me how I'm not good enough for them. It's okay, though, they gave me a pretzel from the airline and a textbook on physics. In another language. FML

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By Oops - 14/1/2010 15:55 - United States

Today, while at work at a maternity and baby clothes store, I was supposed to send out an email about our "Beat the Clock" sale. After it was sent to over 500 people, I realized that I'd misspelled the subject line. It read, "Beat the Cock Sale." FML

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By Now Single - 3/4/2011 08:06 - Reserved

Today, I got back from vacation and walked in on my boyfriend and my brother in my bed. FML

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By Angela17 - 24/10/2018 05:00

Today, it's 3:42am and my son is crying because I won't let him play with his dirty diaper. FML

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By KCHS - 11/12/2014 18:20 - United States

Today, the power went out at school. As a senior, I don't show up until third period. When I got there, I signed in as usual. The office secretary waited until I signed in to tell me that if I hadn't, I wouldn't have to attend classes that day. Now I have to sit in class doing nothing. FML

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By BigDT - 28/1/2012 08:35

Today, I had a testicular ultrasound. The ultrasound tech was a very attractive woman. This is the first time in the past four and a half years a woman has touched my package, and I had to get health issues to make it happen. FML

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By tracey - 19/10/2009 21:12 - United States

Today, I got pulled over for going 85mph in a 60mph zone on a highway in the Everglades. There were cars passing both the cop and me as I was being pulled over. The cop decided I was easiest to catch since I was the slowest of the bunch even though the other cars were topping 100mph. FML

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By weirdome23 - 26/4/2011 09:45 - United States

Today, my "friend" told me I was weird and irritating. Yet she has an unhealthy obsession with Harry Potter, hates people in general, and has a Facebook for her cat. Yeah, I'm the weird one. FML

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By jamiedevin - 6/11/2010 04:04 - United States

Today, I was feeling really sick when I was with my boyfriend at the park. When we were walking, I got really dizzy and collapsed. My boyfriend didn't catch me. His mom took me to the hospital. While I was being poked with needles, he was at home playing COD. FML

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By your mother - 13/10/2010 09:02 - United States

Today, my girlfriend and I went out for ice cream. We somehow started talking about which of our relatives had died. Right when she was talking about how her grandfather had died, I started laughing. She had gotten ice cream all over her face. She broke up with me. FML

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By - 29/4/2019 14:00

Today, after the booty call I work with became a lead, a position I was guaranteed, he's spread awful, untrue things about me around the office and since he became buddy buddy with management, they believed him. Don't shit where you eat, kids. FML

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By grandlisleguy - 3/2/2020 21:00 - United States - Colchester

Pinky

Today, I was at the office making copies for a project. As I left the copy room my dress pants caught a sharp something on the door frame and ripped open my pants. All my co-workers saw my pink boxer briefs. Now I'm called "Pinky" by everyone. FML

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By Anonymous - 4/12/2011 05:44 - United States

Today, I played Taboo with my boyfriend and my conservative family. It was my boyfriend's turn and his word was "cherry". His only clue to me was, "I popped your..." He was the only one who found it funny. FML

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By Tragic - 27/4/2009 21:50 - United States

Today, I heard my mom ask "Are you okay?" I opened my mouth to tell her about how I've been feeling suicidal lately. At that second, I realized she was talking to my cat. FML

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By Anonymous - 15/7/2017 11:59 - United States - Manchester

A likely story...

Today, my boyfriend of 2 years wanted to break up because I was "kissing" another guy. That guy was 73 years old and dying of a heart-attack. I work as an Ambulance Technician and was performing CPR. FML

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By Julian - 22/12/2008 07:45 - France

Today, my girlfriend complained that I don't kiss her often enough. The problem is her breath. It's disgusting. I gently answer: 'Well, you don't kiss me often either!". So now she keeps kissing me. FML

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By Anonymous - 21/5/2019 18:00

Today, my walk of shame may have been caught by the Google car. FML

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By Brian B - 13/9/2011 18:14 - United States

Today, I fell asleep for an hour in the bathroom while taking a dump. I had to convince everyone I went for a walk during lunch since no one saw my car leave. FML

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By Anonymous - 30/11/2009 06:53 - United States

Today, my very traditional parents told me that I should start a savings account for my marriage. I told them that I wouldn't get married until much later because I don't even have a boyfriend yet. They said, "Don't worry we already found a boy for you." FML

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By Ace - 1/4/2016 02:17 - United States - Mount Pleasant

Today, this guy I was seeing dumped me for "bombarding" him with text messages. I'd sent him one text asking if he was okay, after he stood me up 2 nights in a row. FML

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By Anonymous - 24/8/2014 04:14 - United States

Today, a guy took me out on a date. His imaginary friends joined us. FML

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By Anonymous - 5/4/2013 11:23 - Australia - Mackay

Today, I regretfully confessed to my parents I have trichotillomania. There was a torturous pause, followed by the question, "Are you gay?" FML

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By Anonymous - 13/5/2016 21:11 - United States - Lawrence

Today, my family got detained by airport security thanks to one of their dogs. It didn't even bark to indicate there was something wrong, though. It only kept smelling my dad, probably because we had our dog with us in the car on the way there. FML

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By spitstopper - 7/8/2014 02:22 - United States - Birmingham

Today, I stopped two little boys from spitting over a railing at the piano player two floors below in the department store I work at. Their mom complained to my boss about me. FML

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By Fmycatslife - 26/7/2009 23:18 - United States

Today, I got my cat stuffed after her death. I brought her home and set her down by my couch. I guess my dog thought it was a new chew toy. FML

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By Salaryman - 15/2/2009 06:21 - Philippines

Today, I was instructed by my boss to welcome the 2 new foreign business partners since I am the only one who could speak their language. When they arrived I greeted them in their language. One of them scratched his head and asked his companion in plain and clear English, "What did he say?" FML

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By Anonymous - 20/1/2011 19:34 - United States

Today, I was shopping at Walmart, when a large lady and her friend blocked the aisle I was trying to go down. After saying, "Excuse me," twice and being ignored, I pushed my way through. After getting past, I looked back and noticed she was glaring at me while signing to her friend. FML

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Top comments

By Madame_Javert | 4

#4961893 - Sunday 23 September 2012 2:26

Well did you?

By doctorhook86 | 24

#4961911 - Sunday 23 September 2012 2:28

I see no proof that you didn't. But then again, who doesn't like Han Solo?

COMMENTS

By Madame_Javert | 4

#4961893 - Sunday 23 September 2012 2:26

Well did you?

PlaySpades | 21

#4961904 - Sunday 23 September 2012 2:27

From her name, I'm guessing yes....

tinyj96 | 3

#4961907 - Sunday 23 September 2012 2:28

Is he chewbacca?

tennisrapper1 | 14

#4961932 - Sunday 23 September 2012 2:30

This comment will be moderated.

Codezlol | 21

#4962204 - Sunday 23 September 2012 3:21

Was it based off of the fugitive?

Death_Hoe_Inn | 10

#4962262 - Sunday 23 September 2012 3:49

That means that he'll got blamed for her death and I don't think she'd want that

0RedPenguin0 | 8

#4962273 - Sunday 23 September 2012 3:54

28- What?

CatchMe25 | 16

#4962523 - Sunday 23 September 2012 5:03

#30- if OP was referencing her boyfriend from The Fugitive, which is a Harrison Ford movie, then the boyfriend would be blamed for OP's death. To which 28 is right, OP wouldn't want that.

doctorhook86 | 24

#4962620 - Sunday 23 September 2012 5:47

25 & 43: Guys, they aren't getting it. Sometimes I think we're too old for this place.

Merylwen | 24

#4962816 - Sunday 23 September 2012 9:17

Since her username is "busted", I guess she did.

lululatenight | 28

#5361750 - Sunday 10 February 2013 5:44

He must be too good to be true :)

By doctorhook86 | 24

#4961911 - Sunday 23 September 2012 2:28

I see no proof that you didn't. But then again, who doesn't like Han Solo?

gc327072 | 29

#4962060 - Sunday 23 September 2012 2:51

Yep. Scruffy looking nerf herders get all the chicks. As I always say FBHN

Snazzy_Snaz | 17

#4962145 - Sunday 23 September 2012 3:07

Nothin better than a blaster at your side

graffitied_love | 20

#4962355 - Sunday 23 September 2012 4:13

The proof is in the username as stated by a reply to comment 1

xXwolflegionXx | 8

#4962588 - Sunday 23 September 2012 5:22

Or Indiana jones

doctorhook86 | 24

#4962619 - Sunday 23 September 2012 5:45

48: Or Indiana Jones indeed!

OhDearBetrayal | 25

#4962635 - Sunday 23 September 2012 5:59

36- OP probably put that name out of sarcasm.

ironwords | 8

#4962749 - Sunday 23 September 2012 7:26

I dunno, the president in Air Force one was a badass

laden_swallow09 | 34

#4963326 - Sunday 23 September 2012 15:14

60- Ahhh, yes.

"GET OFF MY PLANE!"

By PrettyKookieToo | 8

#4961926 - Sunday 23 September 2012 2:29

Haha, at least your boyfriend is interesting enough to qualify as a Harrison Ford character.

LO388 | 7

#4961940 - Sunday 23 September 2012 2:31

Which could be a good thing or a VERY bad thing.

TheGianaJinx | 0

#4962304 - Sunday 23 September 2012 4:01

How could anything with Harrison Ford be bad?

MURIKKA | 11

#4962307 - Sunday 23 September 2012 4:02

31- You've obviously never seen Mosquito Coast.

TheGianaJinx | 0

#4962330 - Sunday 23 September 2012 4:08

Oh... Yeah that. Never mind?

Iniezian | 18

#4962533 - Sunday 23 September 2012 5:08

Take a look at OP's name. Apparently, her dad was right

TheGianaJinx | 0

#4962821 - Sunday 23 September 2012 9:34

I didn't even look at OP's name. This changes my perspective on everything, OP is psycho.

PrettyKookieToo | 8

#4962948 - Sunday 23 September 2012 11:29

44 - Oh god, I didn't notice the name... Well, this changes things.

By Welshite | 39

#4961930 - Sunday 23 September 2012 2:30

Was it Short Round?

jmelsha11 | 11

#4962674 - Sunday 23 September 2012 6:29

Docta Jones!

grahambertus | 11

#4963888 - Sunday 23 September 2012 18:20

No it was chewbacca

By greenie213 | 23

#4961935 - Sunday 23 September 2012 2:30

You had to have been lying. No one is as awesome as Harrison Ford.

buck33 | 14

#4962815 - Sunday 23 September 2012 9:13

Morgan Freeman

laden_swallow09 | 34

#4962930 - Sunday 23 September 2012 11:16

Liam Neeson? Clint Eastwood? CHUCK FREAKING NORRIS?? Come ON!

cattisanerd | 9

#6335434 - Monday 29 June 2015 11:11

But Harrison Ford is an asshole

By CheeseTron | 15

#4961936 - Sunday 23 September 2012 2:30

Your boyfriend must be pretty badass then.

By Rainbowjumper0 | 12

#4961955 - Sunday 23 September 2012 2:33

I think OP's username says it all

mbusey | 20

#4961972 - Sunday 23 September 2012 2:35

I'm so glad I'm not the only one who noticed that

By Iknowsomestuff | 9

#4961964 - Sunday 23 September 2012 2:34

He figured you out around the time your boyfriend escaped from the Temple of Doom?

eternal7 | 6

#4962067 - Sunday 23 September 2012 2:52

Or when she said he'll be picking her up in his Millennium Falcon tonight.

Mister_Triangle | 21

#4963064 - Sunday 23 September 2012 13:11

"He would have been here to meet you, but his plane was hijacked by terrorists. Also, he's the president."

By Hiimhaileypotter | 52

#4961966 - Sunday 23 September 2012 2:34

Well, if you made up a boyfriend based off of Harrison Ford...at least you've got good taste, right?

By Epikouros | 31

#4961991 - Sunday 23 September 2012 2:38

Like Yoda looks your boyfriend?

StitchnLilo | 24

#4962211 - Sunday 23 September 2012 3:24

Like yoda your boyfriend looks

Epikouros | 31

#4964213 - Sunday 23 September 2012 19:49

Damn, if my D&D guild hears this, they're going to revoke my nerd card.