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Just in case you ever get pregnant #117...it would be prudent to know that some doctors will okay a small glass of wine in the final trimester. Drinking during the first trimester can cause fetal alcohol syndrome

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I agree with #15. When I found out my wife was pregnant with our first I passed out, and we were trying to get pregnant. It's a huge change. I wasn't trying to be a jerk, it's just that the great magnitude of the change my life was about to experience overwhelmed me. 7 years later and my 2 kids are the best part of me. When he gets his crap together I'm sure he'll be fine.

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@ #190, 244 Children whose mothers drank very small amounts of alcohol through out their pregnancy showed no side effects what so ever. While you should never drink to to feel even tipsy a small glass of wine (By small glass I mean a half glass.) with dinner is fine. Every doctor I've had has told me this though advised me not to since I have complications.

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248 it depends on the women, there have been cases of women who had very little to drink during their pregnancy and gave birth to a child with FAS. There are also reported cases of women who continually drank while pregnant that gave birth to completely healthy children. Any doctor that recommends women to drink any form of alcohol wile pregnant needs to have their licenses revoked immediately, because no real doctor would tell a woman that a little bit of wine is good for them. All doctors rec

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with both of my children, I drank alcohol in the first trimester. However, it was before I found out. both doctors I have seen told me to stop drinking alcohol during pregnancy. my children are healthy with absolutely no signs of fas so it definitely just depends. I've known people who drank alcohol or pot their entire pregnancy and their child born healthy. O.o to me it just seems too much a risk to take.

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Not really well-put. If he doesn't want it, he is not labelled a deadbeat until he walks out on the girl he got pregnant in the first place to take care of it on her own. A man can not want the baby, but is only a low-life if he walks out and lives his opportunity-filled life while the girl's life is ruined.

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And then if she wants an abortion because she's left with the responsibility of a child she shouldn't have to raise alone, there are protesters and people call her a killer and a whore. I'm not against abortion or for it, but I feel like people should do what they want. Remember OP, if he doesn't come back, and you don't want an abortion but can't support a baby, there's always adoption

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It's ok if he doesn't want the child, but then he should never have fucked her in the first place. Sex always increases the risk of getting a woman pregnant, no matter what the precautions are.

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It seems to me that they both played an important role in making that baby. Either one could have said no, and they didn't. Guys handle things differently. His wine run couldn't have been for OP as she is pregnant. He probably passed out drunk at a friends house.

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Maybe he just needed time to think and just be by himself. Could of went about it in a better way. But everyone reacts to things differently. Congratulations, OP! Pregnancy is a beautiful thing. You are a carrier of life. Don't let someone else bring your beautiful moment down.

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#94 If OP's boyfriend was having sex, he should accept that pregnancy is a side effect so to speak. If he's not ready for a baby, he shouldn't have sex. So he should have thought of that before his sperm will permanently effect not only OP's life, the baby, and OP's family.

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I have long said that the laws are unfair towards men who do not want children. I do not think this should apply to married people (if the baby is genetically his), because they signed up for it. However, if you are unwed, just dating, and your partner gets pregnant, I believe the man should be allowed to socially/legally abort the child within the same time period as a woman can. This just means, if they have discussed it and the woman refuses to abort the child, he can sign away his parental

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While I can follow the logic, you're neglecting the unpleasant side effect of men then being able to go out and have craploads of easy, unprotected sex with no potential repercussions other than STDs.

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I think a man should be allowed to get out of child support and such if there is a signed written agreement from both parties BEFORE she gets pregnant detailing if there is an accidental pregnancy that he doesn't want the child and gives up his parental rights. Of course, in that case, he should chip in half the cost of an abortion (whether or not she has one) just to be fair financially. She shouldn't have to bear the complete financial burden for something they both did. But there are too man

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#111 If men are allowed to leave whenever they have a kid and not have to pay for it, then they're just going to leave when a girl every time they get pregnant and get another girl pregnant without even caring just for sex. They can have sex as much as they want and get all these girls pregnant without caring. I think that they SHOULD pay child support for every baby they cause. Even if they don't want it. They should've thought twice about having sex. They could've said no. But they didn't, the

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the women could say no too? she can get rid of it If she doesnt want to pay for it by herself. making the man pay child support is cruel. I know a guy who pays quite a big percentage of his income to child support, and everyone knows she doesn't spend the money on the child...

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Well if he didn' want it, couldn't he just have said so? At least he could talk to her about it, instead of pretending to be excited and then just run away? I don't say he has to be happy and stay, but the least you could expect for him to do is to say that he doesn't want to...

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#94 who has to carry a person inside of them for nine months? A women should be respected and held responsible enough to make HER own choices about HER own body.

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Nobody is saying the woman can't make her own choices regarding her body. But on the other hand why should women be the only ones with the option to abort? I mean obviously she should be able to choose about the actual operation, but if the guy makes it clear that he wants an abortion, that should be the end of his obligation. Women have the choice to keep it or toss it, but a man has almost no say in whether the baby is kept. I

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#161 , it isn't her body, it's the babies body. it takes two to make a baby, the women doesnt have any more responsibility over it just because she holds it. and don't use that "the women carries the baby" bullshit. she doesn't have to. nobody should be forced into having a baby.

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#173, that's a unfair comparison. Walking way is a lot easier than getting a surgery that could possibly make you infertile . Either way the girl gets the short end of the stick. Have a baby grow In her belly for 9 months keep or put it up for adoption. Pay a couple hundred dollars to get a emotional scaring and physically burdening surgery, while according to you a guy should able to just walk away?!? Are you joking me?

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saying that it could possibly make you infertile is like saying travelling in a car could possibly kill you. and women can avoid all of it by taking a pill once a day.. abortions are hardly scarring in the very early stages anyway. the basic point is nobody deserves to be forced into having a child, male or female. either should be allowed to walk away without any (mostly financial) repercussions.

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#111: I disagree about the marriage part of your comment. The laws for men should be the same across the board, not just for unmarried men. Just because two people choose to get married does not mean they signed up to having a kid. There are some couples out there who are married and don't want kids but sometimes a situation like this can still happen and can still be a problem. It's one thing if both partners are fine with adoption / abortion but sometimes the problem can happen if both partner

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#156, making a man pay for a baby that is biologically his is cruel? I think not. He's just as responsible for it as the woman is, only she doesn't have the choice to run away from the child altogether. The woman either has to get an abortion or have the baby.

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It's never going to be a perfect system until we can have babies born through artificial means with no one carrying the baby at all. However, we have reality. A woman has the right to decide to keep or abort the baby, and the man ends up getting pulled along. I understand surgery is very hard to deal with and that not everyone wants to get rid of the child. But the current system is completely unfair. People are not going to stop having sex. It just isn't going to happen. People should not to

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#236, that's the point. the women can back out of the pregnancy whenever she wants, but the man can't. women have way too many reproductive rights while men have way too little. there have been cases where a women has sex with a minor and gets pregnant, but she gets away without any rape charges, and the 14/15 year old boy had to pay for the baby.

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#236, having an abortion IS running away from the baby. the man hardly ever can, due to child support, the people who will judge him for running away etc. and for the people saying that he should've thought about it before having sex, the female should've thought about having sex, not on the pill, with a man who might not want a child..

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Did you know that the term "pro-choice" was coins after the 1970's because it sounded better than "pro-abortive?" And did you also know that pre "pro-choice" feminist were completely against abortions?

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All these comments on birth control and "takig preventative measures" are ridiculous. The only way to prevent a child is to not have sex. My daughter is a condom birth control baby and I love her to tears. Her father claims to want to have something to do with her life, but has only seen her a couple times and she is almost a year old. Yes I got him for child support and his family is painting me to be the devil, it was his choice, either see her often or pay for her. He wasn't seeing

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To everyone saying that the mam should be able to abort the baby too....um, no. Never. If the woman wants to carry the child to term, then she should be able to do that. She is the one carrying the baby for 9 months, so yeah, she is going to have a say in what happens to her baby before it's born. It's in HER body. You cant force someone to stay pregnant or to have an abortion. That's just wrong. If you don't like it, get a vasectomy. There, your problem is solved, no child support from a guy wh

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How exactly is a girls life ruined if the guy walks out? If he doesn't want the child if he stays he will hold anger against the poor kid whereas he's helping her by not having some one around that doesn't love their own child and besides if she doesn't want the child she can either have a termination or if she doesn't believe in terminating a baby then she can adopt out the child to a family who does want but can't have one

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Well technically its tge gurls fault if sges miserable SHE decided ti have sex out of wedlock with a boyfriend she probably wasnt gonna marry.......so its not always the boys fault if they are miserable...its the girls

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They aren't actually talking about physical abortion, just allowing the man to deny the child completely and give up all parental and financial rights and privileges, as if the child was never born. Someone else has explained this, please learn how to read all comments in a thread before responding.

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Why is child support a joke? Do you know how expensive it is to have a child? Both people are responsible for the child's financial needs not just the mother. Maybe there are some women who use that money as an excuse to not get a job as well (there may be other reasons for that like cost of daycare) but my point is child support is still important whether the mother works or not it's still the fathers responsibility to contribute. Also, you sir are not the CEO of FML. That is all.

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Raising a child is expensive and both parents responsibility. Your an ass to say it is for lazy mothers. It usually isn't even enough to cover half of daycare.

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Not really. My mother has a job and still gets child support from my dad. Guess what? Were barely surviving. Some mothers really do need the child support. It's not just for lazy mothers.

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There are two sides of the coin here, people. There are plenty if deadbeat fathers, true, but there are plenty of mothers who milk the system. I have joint custody of my daughter, her mother makes more than me, and I still got hit for child support. I had to pay it for two years before I was able to get it cancelled. Child support can be good, but it can also be a severely broken system.

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My old man had full custody and still had to pay child support for 6 years. The court refused to have my mother pay back any of the child support she took. also when the child support was reversed they arrested my father multiple times when my mother was the one not paying, they just came after the male. Child support is a great idea, however the system is corrupt and sexist.

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I had to file for child support because my daughters father ran out. It covers diapers for the week, and it is in no way enough to live off. If he really decides to not help, than filling for child support is not the worst idea. Kids are expensive, every bit helps.

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The women who get pregnant for the sole purpose of getting child support are the real drains on the system. Those women should be sterilized and have their kids taken away. Then real mothers who actually need it can get it.

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202 it could have been a gift from a grandparent or an aunt or an uncle, or here is a crazy idea, maybe they worked for it, or it's a hand-me-down from a friend.

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Wow.. I was making a joke.. But thanks guys. Forgot you can't make those on the Internet.. In fully aware not all men are like that for I'm dating one of the good ones. Maybe "some men" would have been a better way of saying that?

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I don't why why #24 is being downvoted. They're right. No one said it's ok for pregnant women to binge drink. But with the doctors ok, an occasional glass of wine does no harm.

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Iiiiiincorrect! It is safe to consume a very small measure of alcohol per week without it having any negative effects on the baby! My mother had 2 glasses of wine a week whilst pregnant with my baby sister and that child is perfectly healthy and I must say, highly intelligent for a 3 year old. Now, if you're consuming 2 BOTTLES of wine a week I'd reckon that would have an affect, but, remember, there was a time where women always drank alcohol, every day, even when pregnant and the human race is

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I can't add many medical facts to this conversation but pregnant women did drink a mixture that was a third red wine in italy during the renaissance. It appears that they came out alright, and if they could get away with drinking that as a substitute to water I'm guessing one glass of champagne would be okay. But again, I'm not a doctor, just an asshole with a computer.

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Actually, pregnant women can drink wine, whether it be white or red, while pregnant. They can only drink ONE glass of WINE a day and ONLY up to 7 glasses a week. There's been several medical studies done recently that prove this small amount of alcohol has no negative effect on the child's development and or neurodevelopment. Heavier drinking or an amount of alcohol greater than that, most definitely can have negative effects on the developing baby. This is coming from someone who's a couple yea

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and to add to my statement, all previous generations before us, drank and smoked like there was no tomorrow whilst pregnant because they didn't know any better. My own grandma smoked like a chimney and drank like any other person her entire pregnancies in the late 50's and early 60's with my father and his older brother. This was of course before there weren't any medical warnings everywhere that said anything against it. It's only been relatively recently that tons of research has been done to

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Not wanting a child doesn't make him a dick. Being unwilling to talk about important things like an adult, leaving a pregnant woman alone and confused, being ready to walk out on a child that you created - those things make you a dick. You shouldn't be having sex if you aren't able to deal with the possible consequences. I'm hoping the guy in the FML is just taking his time getting his head around it though.

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#45 You're really grasping at straws trying to make this about abortion. She seems excited about it so she's likely not even thinking about that. Sit down and let people talk about the FML. I'm sure you can find a rally to talk at or can make posters to scare children with if you get too anxious.

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Sensible ? How is that not sensible ? Some women just can't go through an entire pregnancy and have no choice but to have an abortion. And if you are a "pro-life" as they call themselves, please refrain from shoving your own opinions down everybody else's throat.

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I'll stick up for 45 here. I always thought it was an unfair double-standard that parenthood is always a choice for women, and yet always a responsibility for men. And by that I mean that everyone should take responsibility for the life they create. So yes, OP's boyfriend is being a dick. However, FML isn't really the place to discuss things like abortion. The mods tend to get delete and moderation happy when these highly controversial topics come up.

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Gracehi, you make a good point. I think the boyfriend is being a dick for not just telling Op how he feels. I do know a lot of people who need space to make their own choices. While it was wrong to just leave her there, she should give him at least a week to sort his feelings out and come to a conclusion. Then they can discuss options like adults, look at their finances, and talk about where they see this relationship going. Unplanned pregnancies tend to make people panic, especially if you

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Supermew, Yes he needs to be a man and tell OP how he feels, even if she won't like it. I hope his initial reaction was a just a moment of panic and that he wants to be a father to the child, but if that's not what he wants then OP deserves to know. Although I'd still think little of him for not wanting to be a father, there's no way to MAKE him do it, and running out on her without a word is just downright deplorable. And of course, he needs to contribute financially to raising the child at the

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