Love: Today, I told my boyfriend I love him. Being dumped wasn't the...

By Anonymous

Today, I told my boyfriend I love him. Being dumped wasn't the reaction I was expecting. FML

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2784

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Love

Mother of the year

Crushed

The past that suits you best

By Kyle - United States - Alpharetta

Today, I was told I look like a Simpson. I don't have blond hair, or any of the features of them. So I asked which one. I was told Homer because we both could use Weight Watchers and an education. FML

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22416

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By bastards - Netherlands - Den Haag

Today, I babysat the brattiest and most foul-mouthed 8-year-old I've ever met. After I survived three hours of it, his parents finally came home. He claimed I'd invited a boy over and that we did "stuff" on the couch all evening. They believed him. I didn't get paid, to say the least. FML

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57917

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By wife - United States - Oceanside

Today, my husband again lost his keys. It's a daily struggle to find them. This time they were in an ice cube, literally. He said he must have accidentally put them in there when making ice. He's going to be the father of my future children. FML

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37263

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By Lysh

Today, my fiancé broke it off with me on our 3-year anniversary at 12:01 a.m. on Thanksgiving morning. Guess who gets to go to family gatherings where everyone will be asking where he is. FML

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12805

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By Anonymous

Today, I found out why my husband is suddenly uninterested in sex. Apparently one of the secretaries at work has finally turned 18, and it's pretty much an open secret among his coworkers that they fuck anywhere from 2 to 5 times a day. FML

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6966

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By Explicit - United States

Today, I had to give a speech in front of my class and during my speech I had to say the words "But six"; however, because of my accent it sounded like "Butt sex". For the remainder of the day I was frequently asked about "Butt sex". FML

I agree, your life sucks

28400

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By Awkward - United Kingdom - Wolverhampton

Today, I tripped while walking down a large flight of stairs. As I fell forward, I instinctively reached out and grabbed onto one of the guys walking up. I ended up taking him and two other people down with me, earning myself a great many disgusted glares as I dusted myself off. FML

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27208

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I went on a blind date a girl from work had set me up with. Apparently my co-worker thinks I'm gay. FML

I agree, your life sucks

50917

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4514

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By eliteslayer29 - United States

Today, I sent my resume to a place where I hoped to work at. Since the job requires me to be doing work on the run, I put on it that I have a laptop. The only problem is that I always thought it was "labtop." I didn't learn the correct spelling until my daughter called me an idiot, she's 6. FML

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8442

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By 123literateABC - United States - Grand Haven

Today, at work, the janitor would not stop telling me how good I looked. This was after he told me he was fired for sexual harassment at his last job. He clearly learned that lesson. FML

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22420

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By Balls - Australia - Abbotsford

Today, for my family, my most impressive quality is I can make spaghetti and meatballs. FML

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3368

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513

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By Liz - United States

Today, I thought an attractive guy was looking at my tits instead of my face, and prepared to act offended and perhaps flirt. Unfortunately, he was actually looking at the peeling and flaking sunburn in my cleavage, and informed me that Aloe might be helpful. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14167

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By suckstobeme - United States

Today, I caught my dad spanking my mom with a spatula. The same spatula I use to cook my eggs every morning. FML

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39165

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4644

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By oprahahaha - United States

Today, I went on a blind date that my sister had set up. When I arrived at the coffeeshop, I approached a man waiting by the counter, asking if his name was Tim (my date's name). He looked at me and said no and then left with a drink clearly labeled "Tim" in bold letters. FML

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71679

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By KoNi - France

Today, my 14-year-old little sister asked me how I felt when I had my first sexual intercourse. I told her it was personal and was none of her business. She then looked at me and said "I thought it was nice". I'm 19 and I'm still a virgin. FML

I agree, your life sucks

54147

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6421

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By Noca - United States

Today, I was eating with my boyfriend and his family at a high-end restaurant when, suddenly, I screamed, thinking a dog had just bitten my leg. I am terrified of dogs. I kicked my under-the-table assailant as hard as I could. It was my boyfriend's adorable five-year-old sister. FML

I agree, your life sucks

72160

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34735

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By carboat - United States

Today, I woke up and I'm still in the Marine Corps. FML

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19324

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44625

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By JessP - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I ordered sex toys online and had them delivered to my dorm room. I put my parents' address for the billing information because I didn't want the bill sent to my dorm after I moved out. The toys were sent to my parents house instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks

18499

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By feeling single - United States - Burbank

Today, it's been so long since I heard from him, I had to look at my boyfriend's Facebook page to see if we're still in a relationship. FML

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23360

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5106

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By poophead - Philippines

Today, I went to a fancy beauty parlor to prepare for my sister's birthday party. The minute I stepped out of the salon, with my hair beautifully trimmed and curled, a bird decided to use it as a toilet. FML

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29675

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By Anonymous - 17/7/2020 02:01

Lazy comeback

Today, I was doing my job and trying to teach a lazy bunch of 16-year-olds. A girl entered the room just 15 minutes before class ended, so I snapped, "Someone had better have died for you to be this late!" She immediately burst into tears. Turns out, someone had. FML

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674

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2486

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By howrude - Canada

Today, my friends took me out to the most expensive restaurant in town to celebrate my promotion, we ordered everything with expensive drinks too. They 'took a smoke break' and left me with the bill. FML

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41535

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By Anonymous

When you lie on your resume to get the job

Today, my boyfriend and I are devastated to return our newly adopted "cat friendly" dog to the shelter. He's perfect other than the fact that he clearly wants to eat our cats. FML

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3223

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By smashyonewfloors - Canada - High River

Today, my crew and I were berated by a client for not installing her new hardwood floor on time. We were only halfway through the day, but apparently it should have only taken "like, an hour?" because "The guys on the TV shows do it that fast." FML

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47757

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I am sorry

Today, I met a new guy at work who would not stop hitting on me. We ended up on a six hour shift together watching a pool, so we were wearing nothing but bathing suits when he began grabbing me inappropriately. When I confided in my female coworker about it, she told me he was her husband. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3835

You deserved it

177

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By dumbass

Today, I emailed my fiancé the assignment that I was handed for a journalism job interview, asking for him to take a look and give opinions about it. I accidentally e-mailed it to the job interviewer. She responded, and even CCed it to the CEO. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4591

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By compguy - United States

Today, I applied and was accepted for a part-time network engineering position. Being contract work they asked me what I charge. I replied, "$12 an hour." After a look of surprise they accepted me for the position and said, "Our last guy charged $200 an hour, you're a bargain." FML

I agree, your life sucks

17576

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By thisisnotavirustrustme.exe - United States - New City

Today, I discovered why my pet bird has been hiding behind my couch pillow lately. It's not because she was nesting, as I thought. She's been secretly tearing apart the whole couch from behind there instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28325

You deserved it

4684

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By goldenshower - United States

Today, I woke up at a guy's house drunk and soaked in my own pee. I had passed out with all my clothes on. Since I was late for work and didn't have a change of clothes, all I could do was throw my jeans in the dryer. I had to sit all day at work in crusty pee pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks

7466

You deserved it

56334

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I had to explain to my white girlfriend that dating me doesn't give her the right to call my mother the n-word. FML

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45489

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9169

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By Anonymous - 30/7/2020 17:01

Workaholic

Today, after finally finding the one after so many heartbreaks, he’s leaving me because things are actually too good. He says having me around distracts him too much from work, and spends too much time with me instead of working weekends on top of working all week. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1901

You deserved it

128

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By bankergirl - United States

Today, I got called into work and I was really excited to earn some extra money. One block from getting there I get pulled over. Apparently my tags were expired, and there goes half a weeks pay. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10463

You deserved it

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By maxmess

Today, I'm staying with my in-laws. I'm obsessive about cleanliness and neatness. They're candidates for a certain show about hoarders. I want to shower in bleach. FML

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12991

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1104

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By CodeJunky - United States

Today, I found out how far my car can go after the fuel light comes on: All the way to the stoplight before the nearest gas station. FML

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18558

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By Anonymous - 9/5/2021 00:01

Weird movie choice

Today, I had my first ever date. He invited me to dinner and a movie. Then he put on "The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo." I couldn’t think of an excuse to get out, so I had to wait till the end of the film. FML

I agree, your life sucks

167

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By Anonymous - United States - Portland

Today, I was involved in a 5-way conversation about the movie Inception. I nodded and agreed with things that were said, but couldn't admit that despite having seen it 4 times, I still haven't the foggiest idea of how to explain what it's about. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9569

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By Katrina - 22/9/2020 20:02 - United States - Phoenix

People are dingdongs

Today, a guest came to the front desk and pretended to have a gun under his shirt while demanding passes to the water park. He was shocked when I had security remove him - he thought it was a funny joke. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1386

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By OkieThePokie

Today, I found out that my unborn son has an abnormally large head. I have an abnormally small and narrow pelvis, and I'm allergic to local anesthetic, so no epidural or spinal for me! FML

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5014

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By ugh - United States - Antioch

Today, my boyfriend of four years broke up with me over some rumors he heard about me. These rumors are from high-school, seven years ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39140

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3545

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By Anonymous - United States - Vancouver

Today, my boss held my hair while I threw up. It's day two on the job. FML

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50047

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Top comments

By Kurliez408 | 32

#7725706 - Monday 19 November 2018 18:37

This really depends on how long you've been together....

By manb91uk | 22

#7725725 - Monday 19 November 2018 19:54

Sounds like someone has comm.... Commit... Issues with comm...

Sorry, I can't commit to this comment?

COMMENTS

By Shawnie Gallant | 24

#7725695 - Monday 19 November 2018 17:39

He wasn’t worth it

By Kurliez408 | 32

#7725706 - Monday 19 November 2018 18:37

This really depends on how long you've been together....

By RichardPencil | 30

#7725721 - Monday 19 November 2018 19:49

You probably had an FWB and you broke the rules by catching feelings.

By manb91uk | 22

#7725725 - Monday 19 November 2018 19:54

Sounds like someone has comm.... Commit... Issues with comm...

Sorry, I can't commit to this comment?

ARISKomuniszt | 24

#7725792 - Monday 19 November 2018 22:44

Seems you did eventually, to the interrogative

By DraftHail614 | 17

#7725732 - Monday 19 November 2018 20:06

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.. Show it anyway

By Zachary David Philip | 12

#7725744 - Monday 19 November 2018 20:38

sounds like a reasonable reaction.

By Ksweety_fml | 27

#7725767 - Monday 19 November 2018 21:35

That sucks

By TergesteCity | 11

#7725790 - Monday 19 November 2018 22:36

Probably better without someone like him. Don't worry OP you'll find someone who is not afraid of hearing "i love you".

By AmbrosiaFan | 18

#7725817 - Tuesday 20 November 2018 0:12

How long were you dating?