Love: Today, I told a friend that he looked smarter with his glasses... - FML

By loser - 29/10/2008 11:08 - United Kingdom

Today, I told a friend that he looked smarter with his glasses on. He took them off and said "oh, and now you look more handsome". FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 321

You deserved it 41 971

Compromises

You tried

Too much meat on my hands

Frustrating!

By horny I’m so horny - 15/04/2021 17:00 - United States

Spicy

Today, we’ve been unable to have sex for months due to my boyfriend’s health issues. I would never EVER cheat on him; however my unconscious mind has other ideas. I’ve dreamt of kinky sex with everyone from the maintenance man to gettin' freaky with detective Stabler. I’m so horny I’m gonna burst. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 312

You deserved it 237

By Mayo - 04/12/2018 13:30

Today, I met one of my favorite fitness models. She told me I need to get in shape. I weigh 150lbs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 350

You deserved it 401

By bent & broken - 24/08/2018 16:30 - United States - Hot Springs Village

Today, I was lost on a dirt road when it started raining and I got stuck in the mud, so I walked 5 miles to a farm. They brought their tractor and pulled me out, but then my key broke off in the ignition. It's my birthday and I can't get home for the party my wife planned. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 081

You deserved it 291

By wrongguy - 11/05/2013 23:04 - United States - Raleigh

Today, my boyfriend woke me up the same way he always does, by pulling on my hair. Just to be playful, I pulled him down on top of me and kissed him. Turns out his brother thought it would be funny to wake people up the same way. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 888

You deserved it 9 685

By Miller_Time - 18/03/2009 18:45 - United States

Today, I woke up at three in the morning when two cops busted in the door to my apartment and a frantic voice on my cellphone saying "Sir? Sir? Are you all right? Sir?" Turns out I had been having a nightmare and dreamed I called 911. I actually did. FML

I agree, your life sucks 73 710

You deserved it 8 679

By Anonymous - 28/01/2017 02:00

Today, we found out the god-awful smell in our truck was actually coming from the whole uncooked chicken I thought the store forgot to ring up over 2 weeks ago. It had fallen out of the bag and under the passenger seat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 869

You deserved it 1 865

By Job Seeking - 22/01/2013 11:14 - Australia - Melbourne

Today, I was cleaning at work when an elderly gentleman walked towards me, paused, and with a wink said, "That's what I like to see: a girl on her knees." This is the same workplace where another old man informed me that my yellow uniform made me look like a "suggestive cheesecake." FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 071

You deserved it 2 988

By Anonymous - 04/03/2010 20:00 - United States

Today, it was my one year anniversary with my boyfriend. We had dinner reservations to an expensive restaurant and planned to see a movie after. At least, we did, until he called to tell me he'd volunteered to work tonight. He won't get off until 2am. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 805

You deserved it 3 510

By Anonymous - 21/11/2010 05:39 - United States

Today, I learned the hard way that if you're going to pour bleach on bugs to kill them, you need to be prepared for them to fly up and try to attack your face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 630

You deserved it 38 352

By Anonymous - 29/07/2011 07:24 - Canada

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend and I had sex, and it was my first time being on top. I got so into it that when I went to put my hands on the wall for support, the shelf above my bed snapped, with my favorite little cactus falling onto his face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 557

You deserved it 10 666

By lahiros - 30/05/2014 22:05 - Australia - Bentleigh East

Spicy

Today, I woke up in the middle of the night to my wife muttering "God, I want you so bad". Figuring she was either talking to me or longing for the second cumming of Christ, I turned over to see which. Turned out she was rubbing one out to some guy's Facebook photos on her phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 68 469

You deserved it 7 509

By foreseeingabreakup - 06/09/2011 04:42 - United States

Spicy

Today, I had to explain in great detail why it is inappropriate for my boyfriend to grab at my vagina in public. He did it again twenty minutes later. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 177

You deserved it 6 989

By selfishsexysanta - 24/12/2012 18:06 - United States

Spicy

Today, I gave my husband an early Christmas present: Santa-themed lingerie. He got angry and called me selfish, for "using" him as an excuse to get myself nice stuff. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 297

You deserved it 13 800

By nextcontestant16 - 19/11/2012 15:12 - United States

Spicy

Today, I decided to surprise my boyfriend by waking him up with a blowjob, because he had always told me that it was a sexy fantasy of his. When he finally woke up, he got pissed off, rudely accused me of interrupting his beauty sleep, then soundly lay back down and fell asleep again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 868

You deserved it 5 007

Judgemental

By still on the wagon - 18/07/2021 15:01 - United States

Today, I got a ton of angry and disappointed messages. My boyfriend posted a picture of us out at a restaurant, and I was holding a brown bottle. I’m a recovering alcoholic, and I was drinking a fancy root beer. No one believes me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 140

You deserved it 82

By twinArmageddon2 - 15/04/2014 06:04 - United States - El Cajon

Today, I told my dad I'm pregnant. His response? "It's only a phase, you'll get over it." FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 282

You deserved it 11 263

Spooky Season

By Vladislav - 20/10/2021 11:00

Today, my best friend and I watched the "OK Google" horror short film. It's about a ghost that controls a Google Home device. Right after the short ended, my Google Nest Mini came off the wall and stopped reacting. Neither of us was near it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 678

You deserved it 136

By pissingcontest - 30/05/2009 00:10 - United States

Today, I had to take a serious piss. I started urinating and leaned back slightly on my heels. Somehow I lost my balance and fell backward, hitting my head on the wall behind me and spraying myself and my entire bathroom with my own pee. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 613

You deserved it 45 929

By melons - 03/07/2013 09:09 - United Kingdom - Redditch

Today, the massive bogey that had been dangling precariously from my manager's nose for half an hour finally detached itself. Into my coffee. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 016

You deserved it 5 290

By reallyhighschool - 03/12/2013 16:34 - United States - Torrance

Today, I got nominated to sit in a chair in the middle of the gym during a high school rally while the entire school got to throw paper balls at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 921

You deserved it 4 653

By Anonymous - 04/07/2018 19:00

Today, after planning 4 months in advance and spending almost $600 to cover everyone's tickets to the event center, all of my siblings decided to bail on my 30th birthday celebration because driving 3 hours is too much. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 205

You deserved it 336

By jannister - 13/08/2012 19:25 - Germany - Bad Blankenburg

Today, my mom threw my tampons in the garbage and said that from now on, I'll be buying pads instead. Turns out she read a scare story going around by email that all the local teens are soaking their tampons in alcohol and inserting them anally to secretly get drunk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 830

You deserved it 2 139

Yummy

By Anonymous - 05/05/2021 11:01

Today, I got an unexpected freebie for breakfast: I took my coffee and a plate of food up to my room. By the time I got there, some fairy had topped the food with a generous serving of animal hair. Gee, thanks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 651

You deserved it 152

By akasha - 06/04/2012 06:15 - Canada - Hamilton

Today, my patient had her call bell on. When I went to see what she needed, she replied that she was very itchy and could not reach to scratch the itch. I basically got called in to scratch my patient's crotch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 916

You deserved it 2 596

Hello?

By Anonymous - 19/03/2015 05:35

Today, after a 16-hour work day, I came home to my husband. I talked to him for about 10 minutes, then realized that he wasn't answering me but had his headset on and was talking on Xbox live. Not even playing a game, just talking. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 486

You deserved it 4 154

By lovely - 19/12/2011 06:43 - Netherlands

Spicy

Today, while having sex, my girlfriend suddenly broke down and started crying. Apparently, when I'm horny, my face reminds her of her dead dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 418

You deserved it 4 562

By fml_for_real - 04/02/2009 17:04 - United States

Today, I asked my boyfriend to ravish me. He told me he would rather play PS3. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 193

You deserved it 6 888

By lmao4eva93 - 02/07/2010 04:21 - United States

Today, I discovered my former boss from the job I quit 3 months is now my boss at my new job. He was the reason I quit my old job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 926

You deserved it 3 439

By Anonymous - 14/10/2013 07:13 - United States - Eagle Point

Today, my weird neighbor is a conspiracy theorist and thinks the government is trying to kill him. Someone thought it would be funny to shine a red laser light through his window. I was on the stairs when he ran past, screaming bloody murder, sending me down a flight of steps. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 036

You deserved it 3 524

By Anonymous - 01/07/2019 04:14

Today, I realised I can tell which family member has just left the bathroom from the smell alone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 606

You deserved it 158

By Scarred - 04/04/2012 03:27 - United States - Marquette

Today, while at work, I found a dead dog in a freezer. Turns out it's been in there for over 3 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 197

You deserved it 2 344

By Alex Andreas - 02/07/2015 03:10 - United States - Edmond

Today, I found out where my sister's pet lizard escaped to. I also found out that the little shit likes to hide in dark, cold places. I discovered this when I heard the bastard squeal as I started the lawnmower. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 648

You deserved it 2 429

By flipflap - 14/06/2015 06:35

Today, I tried to get a piece of glass out of my big toe. After an hour of poking and prodding, I finally got it out only for it to fall on the floor where I couldn't find it. Not five minutes later, I stepped on it again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 225

You deserved it 7 058

By Dlpnlvr85 - 10/07/2016 18:43 - United States - Elkhart

Today, I woke up to find some really weird stuff in my bed. We just got back from vacation in Florida, and my husband burned really bad. I woke up to his peeled off skin all over my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 503

You deserved it 827

By Anonymous - 15/06/2016 06:11

Today, my best friend invited my ex to eat lunch with her. I wouldn't have found out had I not bumped into them while they were there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 994

You deserved it 1 303

By Kan23 - 26/01/2016 03:37 - United States - Altus

Today, I got fired from my job. When I asked why, all that was said to me was, "We don't have to disclose that information, but you did nothing wrong. It's just not working out." FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 961

You deserved it 1 449

By Anonymous - 24/02/2016 17:28 - United States

Today, my boyfriend still won't get a job, because he's convinced he's going to make millions inventing and selling carbonated ketchup. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 177

You deserved it 2 940

By Amanda - 26/11/2013 20:00 - United States

Today, my ex's mom got a job as our new soccer coach and recognized me from our New Year's party last year. She made me, and me alone, do 10 laps around the field in the rain for breaking her son's heart. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 260

You deserved it 12 661

By xolaurennnn - 22/05/2015 15:55 - United States

Today, it was hot out, so I wore shorts. My dad took one look at me and said, "Your thighs are so pale, it's like staring into the sun". FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 200

You deserved it 3 287

By StUbbY - 09/07/2009 14:01 - Canada

Today, I was waiting in line for breakfast at the McDonalds drive-thru. After getting so fed up that the line hadn't budged for 10 mins, I decided to pull out of the line just to realize I was waiting behind 2 parked cars that were just to the left of the drive-thru lane. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 793

You deserved it 59 097

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Wednesday 18 February 2009 0:55

want some aloe for that burn!?

Send a private message

Tuesday 31 March 2009 20:16

Maybe he was offended that he doesn't look "smart" when he has his glasses off. Watch what you say, he probably didn't mean it and only said it to get back at you.

Comments

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Wednesday 18 February 2009 0:55

want some aloe for that burn!?

Send a private message

Thursday 27 May 2010 3:57

some1 call 911 cuz i think u just got BUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUURNED

Send a private message

Friday 28 May 2010 1:03

Michael Kelso: B U U U U U U U U U U U U U U U U U R N ! ! ! ! ! !

Send a private message

Monday 16 August 2010 4:43

hahaha!!!!!

stopreadingmynam 0

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Thursday 19 August 2010 15:07

suck it up, my friend calls me a bitch every day. he's just joking.

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Monday 3 October 2011 13:43

NICEE

TheKitchenSink 0

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Wednesday 25 February 2009 11:25

SICK BURN

pinkfrenchrose 5

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Saturday 14 March 2009 3:44

LOL

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Sunday 15 March 2009 23:45

This is a standard and elementary joke. How is being on the receiving end FML-worthy?

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Monday 16 March 2009 5:41

you should totally not say anything to this guy ever again, and build up your anger against him until you cannot control it anymore.

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Monday 19 January 2015 3:12

I'm afraid I have to disagree with you and side with the friend that wears glasses. I myself wear glasses. It makes some of us feel like we looked stupid before or that we look like a "nerd"or geek, which somehow turned into something offensive over the years. Point being, I personally prefer not to be complimented on "how smart I look" or "you look good with glasses", I would rather just be told "nice glasses". I'm sure some others feel the same way.

Adeptus_Astartes 22

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Tuesday 17 March 2015 16:52

@43 WOOSH!!!

Shallow_Padentic 0

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Sunday 22 March 2009 19:55

^What will that solvi #1 made me lol

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Monday 23 March 2009 3:34

hahahaha #1

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Monday 30 March 2009 0:47

#4 i totally agree

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Monday 30 March 2009 13:20

OH! crash and BUURRNNN! :D

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Tuesday 31 March 2009 20:16

Maybe he was offended that he doesn't look "smart" when he has his glasses off. Watch what you say, he probably didn't mean it and only said it to get back at you.

Boomi 38

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Tuesday 13 September 2016 5:34

That, and some people's minds actually work like that. But this is more payback than anything.

Nearly

Today, I spent my 25th birthday crying alone in my room with my baby, because no else seemed to care it was my birthday. My partner and I had a fight the night before and we haven’t spoken or seen each other since. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17

You deserved it 6

Today, I live in Turkey and the dollar has risen to 13 lira. Just turks understand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32

You deserved it 6

Spicy

Spicy

Today, my wife announced she wants to incorporate a saddle into our lovemaking. This might be fine, except she wants me to wear an actual 30-pound saddle, and I have bad knees. FML

I agree, your life sucks 248

You deserved it 30

Today, my daughter finally learned that you can’t sleep your way to success, after she tried and failed to seduce her married boss, was sacked, and blacklisted as a potential lawsuit throughout every company specialising in her chosen career field. FML

I agree, your life sucks 632

You deserved it 176