Today, I threw a paper ball into a recycling bin backwards. I...

By efmylife - United States

Today, I threw a paper ball into a recycling bin backwards. I don't know whats more sad: the fact that that was my highlight of my life, or I had been attempting to make that shot every day for 3 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31841

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7133

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Miscellaneous

Season finale

And today, on Dr Phil…

TMI

By Anonymous

Chocolate chip

Today, I was eating chocolate chip cookies around the house and saw a chocolate chip on the floor. Not wanting my dog to eat it, given that chocolate is poisonous for dogs, I swiped it up with my finger and put it to my mouth. It was then that I realized it was a stub of my dog's poop. FML

I agree, your life sucks

890

You deserved it

2718

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By Anonymous - Netherlands - Overveen

Today, I dreamed a rat crawled up from the toilet and attacked me. Now I'm afraid to even enter the bathroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks

18114

You deserved it

3751

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By don't cry over spilled milk - United States - Elmendorf Afb

Today, after struggling with breastfeeding and trying to build up my milk supply, I was finally able to pump a full 6 oz! I celebrated by immediately spilling it all over my lap. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11122

You deserved it

1372

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By - France

Today, when I saw a big box that looked like a playstation, I got really excited and my parents were there and everything looked like it really was something big, so I start to open the wrapper and surprise... it was a lamp. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23861

You deserved it

6932

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By SteroidPenguin - United States - Clifton

Today, I told my dad that I broke up with my first serious girlfriend. He responded by blaring sad breakup songs as loud as he could throughout the house, just to see me "cry like a bitch". FML

I agree, your life sucks

51352

You deserved it

7504

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By Anonymous - Australia

Today, I was informed by my manager at work that there had been an 'accident' in the playground. I then had to crawl through tunnels designed for 5 year olds, to a tiny playroom with no fresh air, and clean up a stupid kid's pee and crap. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37226

You deserved it

3344

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By joyness - Taiwan - Taipei

Today, I was sleeping on an airplane. I dreamed that I was running my hands up and down my friend's leg sexually to creep him out. I woke up and I realized that I was running my hand up and down the leg of the old man sitting next to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42114

You deserved it

24639

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By Anonymous - United States - Westfield

Anonymity

Today, I got my grades back. I got a very poor evaluation for my lit class, which was odd because it didn't match the impression from my end-of-class meeting with the professor. It does, however, include a nod to the supposedly-anonymous negative class review I gave her, though. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12040

You deserved it

1627

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By Katy

Today, I fell in a vent in our floor while decorating our Christmas tree. My husband removed the grates months ago to increase airflow. I fell in past my knee and he had to pull me out by the arms. It's been four days and I can still barely walk. My office is on a second floor... We don't have an elevator. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2298

Phew, glad it wasn't me

277

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By Anonymous - United States - Fresno

Today, I twisted my ankle during a round of golf, after trying to do a fancy jumping high five. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9215

You deserved it

26052

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By - France

Today, I withdrew $120 from the ATM at the hotel I'm staying at, only to have no money come out. When I talked to the concierge, who witnessed the whole thing, she said it had been happening all day and that the machine was broken. My bank says it's the hotel's problem, and the hotel says it's the bank's problem. Either way, I'm out $120. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33642

You deserved it

2020

Favorite

By ashamed

Dad jokes, part #23556

Today, I finally let my parents meet a boyfriend of mine for the first time ever. My dad mentioned how he was happy to finally meet him, because for the past 4 years he'd thought I was gay. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1469

You deserved it

175

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, trying to make my 6 year old daughter to laugh, I drew a picture of a butt, a puff of air coming out and the word "toot". My daughter thought it extremely funny. Later, when she was talking with my extremely judgmental mother-in-law, I heard her say "daddy taught me how to draw butts." FML

I agree, your life sucks

22974

You deserved it

50129

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By sdk2010 - Canada

Today, I was fired from my job. My boss claimed it was because I smelled like alcohol, never mind the fact that my job was brew master at a beer company. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36337

You deserved it

2249

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By camille - United States

Today, my dad yelled for me. It was an emergency. I ran down the stairs, tripped, fell, and limped over to my dad only to find that he wanted me to see a video of someone playing "Bohemian Rhapsody" on the ukulele. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27258

You deserved it

3143

Favorite

By meowmeow - Australia

Today, I noticed my kitten was growling and twitching in his sleep. I tried to wake him up by gently prodding him. He responded by waking up and attacking my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11731

You deserved it

31162

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, it was easter and I thought it might be fun to look for eggs with my little brother. My parents told me to take the ones in the higher places that my brother couldn't reach. All of his eggs were filled with candy or money. Each one of mine had a note saying 'maybe when you lose weight'. FML

I agree, your life sucks

74702

You deserved it

9525

Favorite

By Anonymous - 28/3/2020 05:00

Slicey machine go thwack

Today, I lost my job due to the coronavirus. I have no way to pay my bills and very few places are hiring just now. My boss tried to make me feel better by saying her husband was just laid off and they'll struggle as well. She has a £120k salary and just got a £30k bonus. Apparently, "we're in the same boat." FML

I agree, your life sucks

2003

You deserved it

130

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was cold and alone at work, so I decided to try and warm myself up on the panini toaster. As I was holding the top side open and my other hand over the hot metal, I accidentally closed the door on my hand. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8408

You deserved it

41140

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, at my wedding reception, I jokingly asked my aunt, who has always been convinced that I am gay despite my protests, if she believed me now. She took this the wrong way and drunkenly went around telling my guests that my wedding was a sham to convince her I was straight. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34307

You deserved it

5244

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By realnotimaginary

Today, my boss gave me a lecture accompanied with a formal warning because I failed to take notes during a client meeting. I was never at this client meeting, in fact, I had a call with another client at the same time. Regardless, he insists I was there and refuses to listen to reason. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8066

You deserved it

507

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By nolinguist - Austria

Today, I arrived in Austria. Within about an hour, I realized that I couldn't understand any "German". Turns out they have a totally different dialect here to anything I was taught in school. I'm here till May. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28216

You deserved it

18714

Favorite

By almost_a_pro - Brazil - Rio De Janeiro

Today, I was home alone and tried to make some popcorn so I could watch a movie. Thirty minutes later, my parents came home and found me talking to the firemen. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30010

You deserved it

9020

Favorite

By pissed - 12/10/2020 04:59

F is for Family

Today, I came home to find my husband’s disgusting pig of a sister let herself in while we were at work and decided to take a nap in our bed. Not only did she not ask to visit, she left a huge smelly period stain on my favorite sheets. No apology, no attempt to clean up. I didn’t give her a key. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1406

You deserved it

Favorite

By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Chester

Keep your secrets, do your own laundry

Today, I found out that before my grandma washes my clothes, she smells my underwear to "make sure they're dirty." FML

I agree, your life sucks

1450

You deserved it

213

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By Rainydaze - United States - Hillsboro

Today, the guy I hooked up with last summer who was "going through a divorce" welcomed his new baby with his loving wife. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4084

You deserved it

1813

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By "1DisGR8" - Canada - Toronto

Today, I had the misfortune of getting my period during another exam. And yes, the male professor also noticed this time. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3379

You deserved it

321

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I realized that the "pimples" on my back weren't pimples at all. Because I was unable to see how bad they were for the last week, I never caught on to the fact the they were, in fact, ticks. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40122

You deserved it

6743

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By graciegold95 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my daughter decided it'd be funny to change the time on my clock. My boss didn't think it was funny. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33800

You deserved it

2918

Favorite

By DoYourWorst - Canada

Dorsia? On a Friday night?

Today, marks yet another day when I've been threatened to be ruined with the words, "I know people in high places!" and had objects thrown at me at my workplace. I'm a hostess. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4657

You deserved it

313

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By Anonymous - United States - Madison

Today, after finishing a song during karaoke, a man came up to me and held out his hand. Quite flattered, I shook it, said thanks and that I was glad he enjoyed it. Turns out he was next and just wanted the microphone. FML

I agree, your life sucks

20946

You deserved it

9795

Favorite

By save the koalas? uhh - Australia - Brisbane

Today, our guest lecturer told us to imagine 25,000 dead koalas in our lecture theatre, and if that didn't make us emotional then we didn't care about them. She then went on a rant, during which she encouraged us to join the "koala army". FML

I agree, your life sucks

35536

You deserved it

3406

Favorite

By Scared - 28/8/2020 05:03

Meet the parents

Today, I met my girlfriend's parents. Remember the show Honey Boo Boo? They seem sophisticated compared to the family of weirdoes I got to meet. It's almost got me reconsidering my planned proposal. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1262

You deserved it

207

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Houston

Today, at dinner, my downstair's neighbors described how they can listen to most of my movements, including the buzz of my phone when I text late at night. I think all of us knew it is not my phone that vibrates at that time. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36321

You deserved it

5916

Favorite

By fed up/turned off - United States - Fresno

Today, I tried turning on my boyfriend by sending him naughty pictures and texts, describing in detail all the things I was going to do to him when we have the house to ourselves this weekend. He responded by quoting that crappy movie 'The Room', saying, "Oh hi doggie!" FML

I agree, your life sucks

41404

You deserved it

6747

Favorite

By fxck

Today, at work, I sneezed so hard that I hit my head on my cash register. A second later, I heard roaring laughter from the security room, followed by someone saying to play it back. I'd almost convinced myself it wasn't about me, when one of the guys came out and gave me a thumb up. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37287

You deserved it

3534

Favorite

By honeynuggetviolin

Today, I spent hours playing my guitar and singing in the street, hoping to make some extra cash. About 3 hours in, I realized some punk had been walking around with a hat taking money as if he was with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

49812

You deserved it

5712

Favorite

By Anonymous

Today, I was driving my dad, who recently turned 50, to the store and had to listen to him go on and on that he’s having to accept that, as my siblings and I get older and are more independent, he’s having to transition from "sex god to just a dad." I don't know either. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1935

You deserved it

166

Favorite

By laxie - United States

Today, my three-year-old decided to dump the entire contents of her cereal box onto the kitchen floor because she was looking for a "prize." The only prize we found was a huge dead cockroach, which she promptly stuck in her mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38091

You deserved it

3879

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my two year old cousin was having a temper tantrum. I decided to give him a flashlight because playing with it usually distracts him. It didn't. Instead, he hit me in the face with it as hard as possible, leaving a bruise. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41911

You deserved it

24922

Favorite

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Top comments

By Hacksaw | 4

#634428 - Friday 23 October 2009 12:08

You should have yelled out "SCOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORE!!!" after you got it in.

By giganticbrain | 0

#634430 - Friday 23 October 2009 12:09

Good for you man. Not many people can do that.

COMMENTS

By atam09 | 0

#634426 - Friday 23 October 2009 12:06

what a loser. get a life

raNDMGUy | 5

#634577 - Friday 23 October 2009 14:35

lmao it's sadder when you missed, now at least you've accomplished something

touchableturtle | 0

#635114 - Friday 23 October 2009 22:06

this isn't an FML. stop wallowing in your self pity. quit whining.

MartinDenStore | 0

#638659 - Monday 26 October 2009 0:06

GZ for finally making it!!! :D

validus | 0

#1024798 - Wednesday 9 June 2010 9:40

he shoots he scores!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! X3

Emily9352 | 13

#4704210 - Wednesday 18 July 2012 17:06

Are you kidding? OP is a fucking champ. Respect your superiors.

By Hacksaw | 4

#634428 - Friday 23 October 2009 12:08

You should have yelled out "SCOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORE!!!" after you got it in.

Zezing | 0

#634834 - Friday 23 October 2009 18:33

KKOBBBEE

Zezing | 0

#634902 - Friday 23 October 2009 19:50

There's an iPhone app for this.

TheWicked | 4

#995536 - Sunday 16 May 2010 15:42

there's one for androids as well!

7mood75 | 7

#1116530 - Wednesday 21 July 2010 0:18

Both are really really sad.

By giganticbrain | 0

#634430 - Friday 23 October 2009 12:09

Good for you man. Not many people can do that.

By Turnip_Girl | 0

#634439 - Friday 23 October 2009 12:17

Congrats on making the shot! :Db

By Aspie | 0

#634443 - Friday 23 October 2009 12:19

At least you learn to treasure the little pleasures in life.

By bosshaug | 0

#634444 - Friday 23 October 2009 12:21

Its good thing I don't give a shit cause if I did you might have gotten a rude comment

ShadowlessSpear | 21

#6355675 - Monday 20 July 2015 8:09

How logic are you?

By ILIEKGIRLS | 5

#634448 - Friday 23 October 2009 12:22

OH YEAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH SCOREEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
*awkward silence*

:/

KatieGoesRawrr | 0

#634510 - Friday 23 October 2009 13:23

somethin I would do....

By dacho | 7

#634491 - Friday 23 October 2009 13:08

Still no "I don't give a fuck :(" button, eh? :(

aero_fml | 0

#634531 - Friday 23 October 2009 13:48

Yeah I've been waiting for one of those for awhile!

By Wet_Dream | 0

#634499 - Friday 23 October 2009 13:12

who cares?! its fun to do and enjoy it!
you think to much.. not everything you do have to be soooooooow important!

By Maxine17 | 8

#634506 - Friday 23 October 2009 13:19

If at first you don't succeed, try try...and try again for 3 years.