By Anonymous - 13/08/2014 11:33 - Australia - Rooty Hill

Today, I succeeded in getting a seat on a crowded bus. I regretted this when, after a couple of stops, a big guy boarded the bus and stood next to me with his penis pressed against my shoulder. Longest. Bus ride. Ever. FML
I agree, your life sucks 42 603
You deserved it 4 006

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mastodonkcid 5

longest eh?

schhichick 14

What was the longest part?


mastodonkcid 5

longest eh?

Zero_TAlent_ 23

That was the comment everyone was waiting for. Good job sir! It seems you BEAT everyone to the punch. *buh dum tss*

Zero_TAlent_ 23

Penis joke.

Confusing penis joke. Do you mean masturbation joke?

Pretty sure that was a masturbation joke, but you tried WAY too hard.

^ That's how you make a penis joke.

incoherentrmblr 21

Talk about a dick on your shoulder instead of a chip...

^ uninstall FML

incoherentrmblr 21

^ Good comeback...

I see you almost everywhere on FML comments #87 and 97% of the time your comments are down voted.

schhichick 14

What was the longest part?

What was the hardest part of that experience?

At least you have two bus buddies to hang with in case one of them gets testy.

What if the man enjoyed it?.

An elbow to the testicles should have done the trick, not to mention most men wouldn't enjoy that, OP. Make sure you elbow him hard enough that said testicles actually retreat up into his body. Keep it in mind if you ever take the bus and see this man or run into copycats again. :)

#44 No, many girls say this but that should NEVER be an option unless your life is in danger. There are no words to describe this pain.

#19 why would you touch another mans penis? Just don't do that. Isn't there a code about that shit?

#49, no words to describe the pain, huh? Perhaps something along the lines of child birth?

Do you ever hear of guys saying "Go for her vagina"? No, no you do not. Yet people will rally to "Go for the nuts".

#49 who the hell are you to say that OP wasn't in danger? A stranger invading my personal space bubble with their penis sounds like a dangerous situation waiting to happen. I recommend keeping your dick where it belongs - in your pants, and definitely not rubbing it against various strangers on public transportation and that will greatly lessen the chances that your nuts come in contact with my elbow :-)

Agreed, 78. That's a dangerous situation waiting to happen. If the person OP is referring to knew that he was pressed up against them (which I'll bet he did), a hit/kick in the balls is definitely called for. Situations can be dangerous without being truly life-threatening. That's not to say OP should've gone right for a swift kick, but if the man was asked to move and didn't comply, then it's fair game.

Thank u we must find their weak spot

Definitely one of those move it or lose it moments.

If this is what was described, then yes. As I am male I would agree with #49 about pain though. (Not saying child birth isn't)

hahah funniest thing ive read all day.

He probably thought OP would make a good pirate, he just put a cocky on their shoulder.

Kyle1dc 17

Arrrrr, shiver me timbers.

Are you sure it wasn't a sausage he had in his pocket and not his penis?

Dammit mike

Squeezing would work better.

Maybe even a taste? I'll let my self out...

i feel like this is a fat joke, but i need clarification on 'big guy' before i jump to any conclusions. Perhaps OP saw it coming and took no preventative measures...

Yes.. Longest..

He wanted you to board his bus too

All aboard! Lol! He wanted you to ride with him

You should have poked it like the other guy on FML did!

Pretend to sneeze violently and head butt him in the crotch. That should make future bus rides shorter for you.

Probably not the type of head he had hoped for.

Elbows work too if you don't want your head in his crotch.

Girlie7 11

What a dick!