Today, I succeeded in getting a seat on a crowded bus. I regretted this when, after a couple of stops, a big guy boarded the bus and stood next to me with his penis pressed against my shoulder. Longest. Bus ride. Ever. FML
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By
mastodonkcid
| 5
longest eh?
By
schhichick
| 14
What was the longest part?
COMMENTS
By
mastodonkcid
| 5
longest eh?
Reply
Zero_TAlent_
| 23
That was the comment everyone was waiting for. Good job sir! It seems you BEAT everyone to the punch.
*buh dum tss*
*buh dum tss*
Reply
johnnyiskeenan
| 13
What. ^
Reply
Zero_TAlent_
| 23
Penis joke.
Reply
tournamentdecide
| 33
Confusing penis joke. Do you mean masturbation joke?
Reply
davincidasecond
| 24
Pretty sure that was a masturbation joke, but you tried WAY too hard.
Reply
allie2590
| 30
^ That's how you make a penis joke.
Reply
incoherentrmblr
| 21
Talk about a dick on your shoulder instead of a chip...
Reply
coklara
| 15
^ uninstall FML
Reply
incoherentrmblr
| 21
^ Good comeback...
Reply
hystericsky
| 11
I see you almost everywhere on FML comments #87 and 97% of the time your comments are down voted.
By
schhichick
| 14
What was the longest part?
Reply
Smeelover27
| 15
What was the hardest part of that experience?
Reply
baseballbv
| 17
At least you have two bus buddies to hang with in case one of them gets testy.
Reply
tournamentdecide
| 33
What if the man enjoyed it?.
Reply
OhWhoCares
| 42
An elbow to the testicles should have done the trick, not to mention most men wouldn't enjoy that, OP. Make sure you elbow him hard enough that said testicles actually retreat up into his body. Keep it in mind if you ever take the bus and see this man or run into copycats again. :)
Reply
buckstop1
| 37
#44 No, many girls say this but that should NEVER be an option unless your life is in danger. There are no words to describe this pain.
Reply
shudson186
| 17
#19 why would you touch another mans penis? Just don't do that. Isn't there a code about that shit?
Reply
lishabear
| 21
#49, no words to describe the pain, huh? Perhaps something along the lines of child birth?
Reply
baseballbv
| 17
Do you ever hear of guys saying "Go for her vagina"? No, no you do not. Yet people will rally to "Go for the nuts".
Reply
OhWhoCares
| 42
#49 who the hell are you to say that OP wasn't in danger? A stranger invading my personal space bubble with their penis sounds like a dangerous situation waiting to happen. I recommend keeping your dick where it belongs - in your pants, and definitely not rubbing it against various strangers on public transportation and that will greatly lessen the chances that your nuts come in contact with my elbow :-)
Reply
DropTheDaggerxx
| 31
Agreed, 78. That's a dangerous situation waiting to happen. If the person OP is referring to knew that he was pressed up against them (which I'll bet he did), a hit/kick in the balls is definitely called for. Situations can be dangerous without being truly life-threatening.
That's not to say OP should've gone right for a swift kick, but if the man was asked to move and didn't comply, then it's fair game.
That's not to say OP should've gone right for a swift kick, but if the man was asked to move and didn't comply, then it's fair game.
Reply
myFAILEDLIFE990
| 6
Thank u we must find their weak spot
Reply
ChevyRedneck85
| 13
Definitely one of those move it or lose it moments.
Reply
cj89898
| 24
If this is what was described, then yes. As I am male I would agree with #49 about pain though. (Not saying child birth isn't)
By
ckerane
| 16
hahah funniest thing ive read all day.
Reply
maximus_prime
| 24
He probably thought OP would make a good pirate, he just put a cocky on their shoulder.
Reply
Kyle1dc
| 17
Arrrrr, shiver me timbers.
By
xSavaqee
| 12
Are you sure it wasn't a sausage he had in his pocket and not his penis?
Reply
sirliam99
| 12
Dammit mike
Reply
tournamentdecide
| 33
Squeezing would work better.
Reply
_FML_Austin_
| 12
Maybe even a taste? I'll let my self out...
Reply
TomPusslicker
| 21
i feel like this is a fat joke, but i need clarification on 'big guy' before i jump to any conclusions. Perhaps OP saw it coming and took no preventative measures...
By
kangx1
| 28
Yes.. Longest..
By
johnnyiskeenan
| 13
He wanted you to board his bus too
By
sayyestothedress
| 24
All aboard! Lol! He wanted you to ride with him
By
Marie54321
| 19
You should have poked it like the other guy on FML did!
By
darwinism
| 30
Pretend to sneeze violently and head butt him in the crotch. That should make future bus rides shorter for you.
Reply
Enslaved
| 36
Probably not the type of head he had hoped for.
Reply
kingdomgirl94
| 28
Elbows work too if you don't want your head in his crotch.
By
Girlie7
| 11
What a dick!