Today, I stopped by the gas station. As I was filling up I noticed... - FML

By Anonymous - 1/4/2009 04:17 - United States

Today, I stopped by the gas station. As I was filling up I noticed a cute guy at the pump next to me. When I was done, I gave him a wink before opening my car door. It was locked. I had to call my Dad to bring my spare keys. The guy was laughing the whole time as I waited for my Dad to show up. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14611

You deserved it

54214

Tweet

Share

KoBabe

Gas giant

Alexa, play "Leave Me Alone" by New Order

By inhaler -.- - 6/10/2013 05:20 - United States - Huntsville

Today, it was my first time having a make out session with my boyfriend. I got so nervous that a few minutes into it, I had to stop to take my inhaler. This happened twice more afterwards. FML

I agree, your life sucks

52382

You deserved it

5702

Tweet

Share

By Jen - 1/12/2009 17:25 - United States

Today, while on the phone with a client at work, I was planning on saying either "Yeah." or "Uh-huh." Without thinking, I combined the two and ended up saying "Yee-hah," like a cowboy. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14680

You deserved it

33447

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 27/4/2013 04:11 - United States

Today, I was getting ready to have sex with my boyfriend for the first time. It seems he thought I was a much larger cup size than I really am, because when he saw my actual boobs, he said, "Aaaaaaand they're gone". FML

I agree, your life sucks

68419

You deserved it

15346

Tweet

Share

By Jazzyfayyye - 29/5/2009 17:51 - United States

Today, my boy friend said "you know who you remind me of? Sarah Palin." And then for the next 15 minutes continued to discuss how ugly she is. FML

I agree, your life sucks

52195

You deserved it

3674

Tweet

Share

By dmachin - 8/2/2010 19:30 - France

Today, I visited my grandmother who has dementia. She thought I was my father, and told me that I should never have married my mother, let alone have had children with her. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31026

You deserved it

2109

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 2/1/2014 21:50 - Puerto Rico - Arecibo

Today, my father took me out for some driving lessons. I accidentally reversed while still in the driveway, and I instinctively hit the brakes. In my panic, I accidentally let go of the brakes, and ended up reversing straight into our house, all while my father yelled "NOOOOOO!" FML

I agree, your life sucks

42638

You deserved it

18752

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 14/1/2015 01:50 - United States - Wilmington

Today, we got a new Roomba. I set it to clean and came back an hour later to find shit smears all over the floor. Apparently, one of my cats had done his business in the kitchen, and the Roomba had dragged it around the entire first floor of my house. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36495

You deserved it

5776

Tweet

Share

By AGB10 - 23/6/2014 18:11 - United Kingdom - Tunbridge Wells

Today, I made an excuse and didn't turn up at work. Little did I know my boss did the same. We both bumped into each other at the shopping centre across town. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42784

You deserved it

25765

Tweet

Share

By Jonnygiant - 14/3/2009 01:45 - United States

Today, I was taking a shower after basketball practice. When I got out of the shower I thought no one was home so I thought it might be fun to walk around the house completely naked. I walk downstairs and my mom was eating dinner. Along with 20 other members of her bookclub. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26196

You deserved it

69874

Tweet

Share

By EpicBunBun - 10/5/2017 18:00

Today, while getting intimate with my boyfriend, I thought he went to change the music on his phone. He had stopped mid-action just to check sports scores. FML

I agree, your life sucks

5114

You deserved it

683

Tweet

Share

By Howdoiwatchpoliticsnow - 29/5/2016 20:06 - United States - Newton

Today, I tried to get my son off of the couch by turning off the wifi. Afterward, I went to watch tv. Turns out he got me back by turning off the cable. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10865

You deserved it

6459

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 5/8/2013 05:33 - United States - Romulus

Today, I found out that the messages about the issues in my sex life that I'd been sending to my best friend had been sent to my mother via iMessage. She's coming over for dinner tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40947

You deserved it

8967

Tweet

Share

By prian - 8/3/2010 12:08 - Canada

Today, while playing poker, I lost a stack of money to somebody with the screen name "Poopface." FML

I agree, your life sucks

9510

You deserved it

36187

Tweet

Share

By Missedtheboat - 30/10/2009 23:29 - United States

Today, I finished making an awesome costume for a Halloween party my crush was attending. I then checked the invite and found out the party was last night. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13635

You deserved it

32490

Tweet

Share

By TaddM21 - 2/1/2015 03:18 - United States - Salem

Today, I dragged my grill outside in the freezing cold to cook a steak for New Year's day. I left my spatula in the garage, and I set the still-wrapped steak on the grill. I was only gone 45 seconds, but that was long enough for my cat to open the wrapper and run off with my steak in his jaws. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29727

You deserved it

6873

Tweet

Share

By cuppincake - 15/1/2010 07:51 - Australia

Today, I decided to tell my husband our marriage was over after I found out that he'd not only been stealing from me, but he'd also been downloading child porn. He then asked if we could break up but live in the same house so I could help pay his bills. FML

I agree, your life sucks

47091

You deserved it

3466

Tweet

Share

By UglySister - 2/12/2009 22:27 - United Kingdom

Today, my sister was dumped by her boyfriend. As my mother was comforting her, I overheard her say "Honey, it's okay, you're the pretty one. Think of those worse off than you. Think of your sister, she might never get a boyfriend." FML

I agree, your life sucks

53179

You deserved it

3053

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 2/4/2012 02:25 - United States - Binghamton

Today, while mowing the lawn, I ran over a hornet's nest. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29855

You deserved it

3412

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 15/10/2009 06:19 - United States

Today, I realized that my virus protection program now has a virus. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29954

You deserved it

5075

Tweet

Share

By crazychick - 19/8/2009 16:40 - Canada

Today, I was told I have bipolar disorder. I'm 31. It took so long to diagnose because my mom always figured I was "just a super bitch half the time." FML

I agree, your life sucks

47211

You deserved it

5131

Tweet

Share

By MsAnonymous17 - 26/5/2013 23:20 - United States

Today, my step-dad was talking about how he was raised in Las Vegas, telling stories about him and his buddies, until he stopped, looked right at my mom and said, "Find her, feed her, f*ck her, forget her. But I never forgot your mom, that's how I stole her from your dad." FML

I agree, your life sucks

59058

You deserved it

4122

Tweet

Share

By Singlewife - 23/3/2019 22:00

Today my husband got drunk and wrecked the house. And when I say wrecked the house, I mean ripping everything off book shelves, Tearing the ceiling fan out of the wall, Opening the fridge and shoveling everything out. Glass everywhere. etc. and this isn’t the first time. I clean up every time. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2268

You deserved it

1490

Tweet

Share

By shotdown - 4/11/2010 04:18 - United States

Today, in the middle of hot passionate sex with my husband, he stops and tells me he won't be able to finish until I go brush my teeth. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13551

You deserved it

41361

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 14/6/2020 23:02

Bullshit reason

Today, my husband wants a divorce. His reason, so he claims, is that he went to see a card reader a few months ago and she told him our relationship would not last. Apparently, our astrological signs or something are not compatible, so he thinks we shouldn't waste our time. We have been married for 8 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1755

You deserved it

147

Tweet

Share

By Lucachoo - 21/10/2016 05:16

Today, my boyfriend presented me with a 30-minute montage video of him working out and flexing his muscles as my anniversary gift. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14549

You deserved it

1975

Tweet

Share

By zawbentley - 26/9/2009 07:01 - United States

Today, I called my boss to let her know that I was suffering from severe depression and that my doctor suggested I take a month's leave. Her response: "Glad you are getting help, however we can't hold your job. No need to come to the office, we'll mail your stuff to you." FML

I agree, your life sucks

39909

You deserved it

6349

Tweet

Share

By therevsev - 2/10/2011 06:05 - United States

Today, I realized that it has been so long since my wife and I were intimate that I got slightly turned on watching her suck the meat off chicken wings. I'm jealous of fried, sauce-soaked poultry. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38413

You deserved it

5062

Tweet

Share

By Forgotton - 1/8/2009 23:10 - Canada

Today, I realized how invisible/forgettable I am. At work, I went to ask my supervisor what I was working on today. My supervisor admitted that he forgot I was working today. My supervisor is my brother. We drove to work together this morning. FML

I agree, your life sucks

49653

You deserved it

3330

Tweet

Share

By ThatNewCarSmell - 1/10/2014 16:53 - United States - Carlsbad

Today, I held my bag of burger and fries out the window while driving, to preserve that new car smell. Not only did I hit a pothole and lose my lunch, I got pulled over by a cop who suspected I was either littering or tossing drugs when I saw him. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21855

You deserved it

45451

Tweet

Share

By snazz23 - 2/5/2016 21:12 - United States - Bastrop

Today, I got engaged to the most wonderful man in the world. I excitedly called my mom to tell her the great news, thinking she'd be excited too. Her only response? "Oh." FML

I agree, your life sucks

11977

You deserved it

1097

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 1/8/2020 20:01

Bad news

Today, I knew it was going to be a fun day when I woke up to find that my kids' new puppy had died in the night. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1752

You deserved it

93

Tweet

Share

By blind eyes - 26/8/2018 14:30

Today, I went to get Lasik eye surgery. Beforehand, they give you an anxiety control pill because you're conscious during the operation. Guess who is immune to the pill and now has to get checked for anxiety disorders before rescheduling the surgery. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2416

You deserved it

155

Tweet

Share

By oncehipjr - 3/10/2014 19:04 - United States - Dallas

Today, I found out I'm allergic to condoms. Which would be great if my girlfriend wasn't allergic to birth control. FML

I agree, your life sucks

48235

You deserved it

4507

Tweet

Share

By LP - 16/2/2015 03:25 - United States - Madison

Today, I was at work copying some papers. The copier is below a shelf with lots of paper and signage, which suddenly flew off the hinge and hit me in the head as well as the copier. My boss ran in, asking, "Is the copier okay?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

29513

You deserved it

2354

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 4/5/2013 21:44 - United Kingdom - Liverpool

Today, my neighbours' whiny emo of a daughter got dumped by her boyfriend. In her infinite wisdom, she's chosen to cope by playing on her recorder the worst rendition of "My Heart Will Go On" that I've ever heard. It's been going on all day. Now I know why he dumped this idiot. FML

I agree, your life sucks

55070

You deserved it

9278

Tweet

Share

By I'm screwed - 27/1/2015 23:46 - United States - King Of Prussia

Today, after I got home from a long day at work. I go inside my room and find a life-size cut out of Miley Cyrus. I don't know how it got here. I'm the only person with a key to my apartment. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32528

You deserved it

2376

Tweet

Share

By toadface - 4/8/2009 23:25 - United States

Today, I took my puppy outside to play. At one point, she stopped chewing on her toy and ran over to give me a big kiss all over my face and mouth. A few minutes later I realized that her chew toy was actually the dried up carcass of a toad. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41430

You deserved it

7913

Tweet

Share

By well okay then - 20/5/2013 16:02 - Canada - Calgary

Today, I was going on a blind date with a girl. She walked up to the table, said "Nah, no thanks" and left. FML

I agree, your life sucks

53182

You deserved it

4650

Tweet

Share

By bdavis - 10/3/2010 06:11 - Canada

Today, I was using a power drill to take down the set for the musical we just finished. My long hair got caught in the drill, got ripped out and now I have a hurting, bleeding bald spot the size of 2 quarters. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27419

You deserved it

14351

Tweet

Share

By Bbrooks88 - 19/1/2018 13:00 - United States

Today, I finalized my new car purchase after three months on the job at a new company. Two hours later, I was informed that my position has been eliminated. I have two weeks to find a new job or I'm completely screwed. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4091

You deserved it

352

Tweet

Share

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By Scars_fml | 4

#74548 - Wednesday 1 April 2009 12:30

He waited for your dad yo arrive? He seem to be into you.

By hpnerd | 0

#74567 - Wednesday 1 April 2009 12:38

He stayed there the whole time you were waiting for your dad to arrive?

Not too realistic there, OP.

COMMENTS

By Scars_fml | 4

#74548 - Wednesday 1 April 2009 12:30

He waited for your dad yo arrive? He seem to be into you.

By PlasticShark | 0

#74561 - Wednesday 1 April 2009 12:35

You are an april FOOL.

By hpnerd | 0

#74567 - Wednesday 1 April 2009 12:38

He stayed there the whole time you were waiting for your dad to arrive?

Not too realistic there, OP.

By 219gbh | 0

#74587 - Wednesday 1 April 2009 12:54

Agree with #3

and YDI for being a fool on April Fool's

By blb1989 | 0

#74588 - Wednesday 1 April 2009 12:55

you should've asked if you could hang out in his back seat til your dad got there

By iKayla | 0

#74598 - Wednesday 1 April 2009 13:08

Yes, I agree with some of the other comments. Meh, that guy actually stayed with you that whole time? Did you not speak at all? I can not picture this realistically. Unless, that guy was really in to you, then this seems a little fishy fishy to me, =/ uhohz.

By Jaxro | 6

#74603 - Wednesday 1 April 2009 13:13

Maybe they lived close by to the gas station, or the guy had a double tanks on his vehicle. My truck has double tanks and I takes a while to fill.

By bitchplease69_fml | 0

#74641 - Wednesday 1 April 2009 14:05

FUCK WAS GAY.

By zap_fml | 0

#74652 - Wednesday 1 April 2009 14:31

#5, damn right she should have.

By anon12_fml | 0

#74653 - Wednesday 1 April 2009 14:32

maybe he laughed during the whole phone call and she didn't word it right; i'm sick of people being so quick to try to come up with loopholes for why stories are fake... even if they are, they're still entertaining