Today, I stopped by the gas station. As I was filling up I noticed... - FML

By Anonymous - 1/4/2009 04:17 - United States

Today, I stopped by the gas station. As I was filling up I noticed a cute guy at the pump next to me. When I was done, I gave him a wink before opening my car door. It was locked. I had to call my Dad to bring my spare keys. The guy was laughing the whole time as I waited for my Dad to show up. FML

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No one likes a smart-ass

Great boyfriend

Who's a good boy?

By Anonymous - 22/9/2011 13:55 - Australia

Today, I was expecting my period. To avoid the embarrassment of everyone in the office finding out, instead of putting tampons in my bag, I hid one in my bra. It fell out while I was coming back from lunch. I am now known to all as "The Tampon Dispenser". FML

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By good_aim - 27/7/2013 08:03 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, I returned from a long business trip a day early to surprise my wife. She was sleeping, so I climbed into bed and started spooning her. Thinking I was an intruder, she simultaneously kicked me in the groin, elbowed me in the ribs, and smacked the back of her head into my jaw. FML

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By HAIRY - 26/4/2012 20:23 - United States - Iowa City

Today, I was hanging out with some of my friends when I fell asleep. When I woke up, I found that they had shaved the F word into my arm. I don't know what is more disturbing: the fact that this is what my friends do for fun, or that I have enough arm hair to have four letters shaved into it. FML

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By grrrr - 8/2/2010 00:35 - United States

Today, my son learned about various animals in school, and how they urinate to mark their territory. Apparently, the entire second floor of my house is now my son's territory. FML

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By Anonymous - 15/9/2013 21:16 - United States - Dover

Today, my grandmother opened the bathroom door to find me eating a spoonful of Nutella while on the toilet. She is convinced that I was eating my own shit and will not stop telling everybody. They believe her. FML

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By Anonymous - 13/1/2016 23:03 - United States - Alexandria

Today, my fiancé's mother gave me a beautiful cross necklace to wear for my wedding. I'm Jewish. FML

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By notoneatall - 7/7/2014 03:39 - Canada - Oakville

Today, I got called a cunt at work by a customer. What could I have said that could have caused them to say that? "Have a great day." FML

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By Susan - 23/8/2009 17:08 - United States

Today, I was driving my car and I thought the construction guy was flirting and waving at me. So I drove by him, waving back and hit an oil spill and my car ended up spinning out of control. He was trying to direct me away from the oil spill. FML

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By Anonymous - 11/2/2016 01:15 - United States - Jacksonville

Today, one of my friends made it to school. He has been sick recently, missing days out of the week. When I saw him, I greeted him with, "Were you dying yesterday?" Apparently he wasn't, but his grandmother really did. FML

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By Moron - 23/8/2011 02:03 - Canada

Today, due to a misunderstanding, I unintentionally agreed to have a dinner date with a co-worker. He's ten years older than me. Not only do I have to find a way to reject him, but I have to work with him on weekends. The worst part is, he's the first guy to ask me out in ages. FML

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By cpmolly - 24/8/2013 15:18 - United States - Omaha

Today, I was waiting in line with my boyfriend behind me. I decided to hold his hand and rub his chest while we waited. Then I heard a female voice behind me that said, "Ma'am, please don't touch me." FML

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By destiny147 - 30/11/2009 12:17 - United Kingdom

Today, I posted a picture of my boyfriend and I kissing on facebook. He untagged himself. FML

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By GetAnotherRoomAlready - 12/3/2016 05:58 - United States - Singapore

Today, I woke up at 2 AM to the sounds of my roommate and his girlfriend on Skype, playing a game of, "No, I love YOU more, baby, schmoopy schmoopy schmoopy schmoo". It went on for around half an hour. FML

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By Oops - 2/12/2018 13:30

Today, I submitted some honest negative feedback to the customer service team of all my favourite games, Today is also the day all my accounts got permanently banned from my console and I have lost all my progress. Bye bye 22 years. FML

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By Anonymous - 12/3/2015 03:19 - United States - Watertown

Today, I went on a date with a guy I met online. It was going OK, until he started asking me if he should stick with the site until he finds the right person. I guess I know how he feels about me, at least. FML

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By mimabee - 14/6/2011 13:56 - United States

Today, my boyfriend got a job at a trendy clothing store in the mall. Trying to be supportive, I went to visit him and tried something on. I got stuck in the jeans and had to call my boyfriend, who sent the manager to pull the jeans off me. FML

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By 123alleyesonme - 2/11/2012 04:17 - United States - Austin

Today, after losing twenty pounds to please my husband, the only comment I received was, "At least now only your personality sucks." FML

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By hailey - 10/12/2012 05:10 - United States - Bethesda

Today, "The Phantom of the Opera" soundtrack blasted me awake at 4 am. Not knowing how it got on my iPod, I checked and found I had bought the whole $17.00 album in my sleep. This is the second time this month; the first time I downloaded the soundtrack from "The Wizard of Oz". FML

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By Anonymous - 16/8/2010 04:11 - United States

Today, I met my recently divorced mother's new boyfriend. He is missing teeth and has long hair and a mangy beard. Horrified, I left the room, only to hear my mother telling my sister, "The sex is phenomenal!" FML

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By Anonymous - 9/10/2009 22:58 - United States

Today, I was at a local club with my friends sitting at a table when some guys approached us. One of them started telling me about his recent adventures through Europe and was very interesting. Something warm hit my leg and I realized the guy was urinating on me. FML

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By bootycall:( - 15/2/2017 13:00 - United States - Oxnard

Today, I went on what I thought was my fifth date with a guy. We finally got intimate and it was amazing. As soon as it was over, he said : "Sorry babe, I should get going. I have a date tomorrow and I'd hate to be tired for it." FML

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By Anonymous - 14/10/2009 08:21 - Australia

Today, I won an award at school for my hard work. Afterwards, my parents told me off. Why? They wanted my brother to get it instead of me. FML

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By Anonymous - 10/12/2019 01:00

Pleasant smell

Today, while watching TV in my dorm, I clearly heard my roommate yell to someone proudly, "I've only taken a shower 4 or 5 times since I've been here." He's been my roommate for four months. FML

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By IAMALITAHA - 27/6/2014 06:11 - United Kingdom - Newcastle Upon Tyne

Today, I had a job interview where I was interrupted for using the word creative because there is "only one creator". FML

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By Terminator101101 - 30/5/2013 23:06 - United States - Las Vegas

Today, my girlfriend thought it would be funny to go to the Apple store and log me on to Facebook on every single computer. FML

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By happybirthday - 12/8/2012 05:49 - United States - Wrentham

Today, I found the perfect opportunity to throw my husband a surprise party since he thought I was away on a business trip. He came home with a hooker. Surprise! FML

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By MJB - 2/4/2017 22:00

Today, as a 17-year-old, after having gone to the doctor to about some unusual hair loss, it turns out I simply have crappy genetics, and should expect to be fully bald within a year. FML

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By Forever alone Guy - 19/2/2013 23:07 - Australia - Narre Warren

Today, I've been single for so long my grandmother had to ask if I actually like women or not. FML

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By avocadopurse - 9/7/2018 19:00

Today, I told my grandmother I was planning a trip to take my newborn son to meet his great-great-grandfather before it was too late. She had a guilty expression on her face. My great-grandfather died 4 months ago and my family forgot to tell me. FML

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By yeahhhhhommmie - 18/9/2011 09:20 - United States

Today, I was at Wal-Mart walking around when I slipped on some water and twisted my ankle. As I was getting up, a man comes up to me and said "There's some water on the floor, watch out." FML

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By Anonymous - 4/1/2012 17:00 - United States

Today, when I woke up I checked my phone for messages, only to hear a woman screaming that I have been sleeping with her husband and that she is sending her 'people' after me. I have never met said husband. I panicked for hours only to receive a call telling me she had dialed the wrong number. FML

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By Soapy - 6/4/2017 16:00

Today, I got a gift from my ex-boyfriend who's currently studying abroad. He got me a really creepy snowglobe for my "collection" as a sweet gesture, maybe to win me back. Except I don't collect snowglobes. He'd confused me with the girl he cheated on me with. FML

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By a-non - 2/2/2009 15:57 - United States

Today, I realized that the dog humping my leg was the most action I've gotten in months. FML

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By sickly - 20/1/2011 05:47 - United States

Today, I came to school really sick because I had to take an important exam. After I finally finished, I accidentally sneezed on my answer sheet right before turning it in. The teacher refused to take it. FML

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By Lauren - 9/8/2011 13:48 - Australia

Today, my husband declined a $100k/year job due to him thinking that a full time job at one work place would be too 'depressing'. I'm a nurse and have to wipe other people's arses for a living, then come home to this lazy dick. FML

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By HSPARKS - 12/5/2020 05:00

Big baby man

Today, I woke up to my apartment in a state of total disarray. I've been asking my boyfriend to get either get a job, or clean the house. I just had a bunch of dental work taken care of. He doesn't have a job, and doesn't want to find one. I'm tired of trying to raise an already grown man. FML

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By Sal - 5/12/2011 06:57 - United States

Today, I found out I have to give my father-in-law back the football tickets he gave me for my birthday. Why? His girlfriend decided she wanted to go. He didn't get me a different gift. FML

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By hunterchik - 29/9/2018 15:30

Today, I found out about my parent's divorce over Facebook from my sister who lives 8 hours away in another province. They made the decision 3 weeks ago. I live with my parents. FML

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By sandiego - 22/2/2010 05:02 - United States

Today, while eating at an outdoor café, a man on the street came up to me and said, "My girlfriend is sexier than you, bitch." Thanks for the confidence boost. FML

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By Anonymous - 5/8/2011 20:25 - United States

Today, I met my new roommate. She severely struggled with pronouncing my name, and decided that to save time and the effort, she's just going to call me what she thinks my name sounds like: Lube. FML

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Top comments

By Scars_fml | 4

#74548 - Wednesday 1 April 2009 12:30

He waited for your dad yo arrive? He seem to be into you.

By hpnerd | 0

#74567 - Wednesday 1 April 2009 12:38

He stayed there the whole time you were waiting for your dad to arrive?

Not too realistic there, OP.

Comments

By Scars_fml | 4

#74548 - Wednesday 1 April 2009 12:30

He waited for your dad yo arrive? He seem to be into you.

By PlasticShark | 0

#74561 - Wednesday 1 April 2009 12:35

You are an april FOOL.

By hpnerd | 0

#74567 - Wednesday 1 April 2009 12:38

He stayed there the whole time you were waiting for your dad to arrive?

Not too realistic there, OP.

By 219gbh | 0

#74587 - Wednesday 1 April 2009 12:54

Agree with #3

and YDI for being a fool on April Fool's

By blb1989 | 0

#74588 - Wednesday 1 April 2009 12:55

you should've asked if you could hang out in his back seat til your dad got there

By iKayla | 0

#74598 - Wednesday 1 April 2009 13:08

Yes, I agree with some of the other comments. Meh, that guy actually stayed with you that whole time? Did you not speak at all? I can not picture this realistically. Unless, that guy was really in to you, then this seems a little fishy fishy to me, =/ uhohz.

By Jaxro | 6

#74603 - Wednesday 1 April 2009 13:13

Maybe they lived close by to the gas station, or the guy had a double tanks on his vehicle. My truck has double tanks and I takes a while to fill.

By bitchplease69_fml | 0

#74641 - Wednesday 1 April 2009 14:05

FUCK WAS GAY.

By zap_fml | 0

#74652 - Wednesday 1 April 2009 14:31

#5, damn right she should have.

By anon12_fml | 0

#74653 - Wednesday 1 April 2009 14:32

maybe he laughed during the whole phone call and she didn't word it right; i'm sick of people being so quick to try to come up with loopholes for why stories are fake... even if they are, they're still entertaining