Miscellaneous: Today, I started speaking gibberish in the middle of the conversation...

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I started speaking gibberish in the middle of the conversation with my mom to see if she would notice. She didn't. FML

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Miscellaneous

Dementia or hate? You decide

Fairytale ending

RIP in peace

By Munkeh - United Kingdom - Birmingham

Faithful

Today, I found out that my partner thinks love is more meaningful than sex, so it's okay to stick his penis in someone else. FML

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By nick - United States

Today, I came home to find a note on my door from the neighbor saying "I saw a coyote eat your dog, but was afraid it was rabid." FML

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32964

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By Anonymous

Lonely, so lonely…

Today, to get my mind off being single, I texted some friends. The first one was going out tonight to work things out with her ex, the second told me about his amazing new girlfriend, and the third replied an hour later with, "Sorry, I was having sex when you texted me." FML

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2071

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By Broccolliboyy - United States - Colfax

Today, I learned that the money I work hard for on YouTube has been transferred to the wrong person's banking account. That person is my ex-girlfriend. FML

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51901

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By ihpgolj - United States

Today, I was riding my bike down a road I know is quite hazardous. Having almost been hit in the same spot the day before, I rode across the intersection very satisfied without having been injured. Until I crashed into the guy front of me and flipped over my handlebars. FML

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By 00sasori - Canada - Vancouver

Baseless accusation

Today, I was on a bumpy bus ride and had to write a note, so I held my notebook against the bus window to steady my hand. An elderly woman then yelled at me, accusing me of drawing graffiti on the window. The bus driver kicked me off and I had to wait an hour in the rain for the next bus. FML

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By dammitRandy - United States - Kearny

Today, we had a fish fry for Father's Day. I ended up getting a fish bone lodged in my tonsil, and I had to rush to the bathroom to pull it out. I threw up three times in the process and still didn't manage to get the bone out. FML

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13944

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By littl3storm - 11/7/2020 08:08

Dad of the month

Today, I found out that my 'dad', the man who couldn't afford to buy me a bed, despite sleeping on the floor for 3+ years, has spent well over $3000 on sex chat lines, as well as cheating us out of child payments. He doesn't understand why I refuse to talk to him. FML

I agree, your life sucks

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By KortniiE - 23/3/2021 20:01

Congrats?

Today, my boyfriend of 3 years proposed without a ring. He told me he would get it once his divorce papers are final. I didn't know he was married. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1040

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105

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Bristol

Corporate hell

Today, I found out I didn't get the promotion I applied for. Then I was told I was the only one who applied for the job. FML

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1792

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, both my car and my father's car were broken into. They stole my radio, purse, wallet, camera, and multiple items of clothing. What did they take from my dad's car? Some screwdrivers to rip my radio out of my dash. FML

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23547

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By sarah6786 - United States - Schenectady

Today, my husband asked me to show him my boob. I began to pull the side of my shirt down when he said, "No, not that one, the big one." FML

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47548

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By Mrs. Man - United States

Today, a stranger told me how proud he was that my boyfriend and I were so open with our sexuality. For the past three years, most strangers have thought we are a pair of gay men. I am a woman. FML

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36857

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my mom went to a psychic. The reason? She has convinced herself that I'm gay, even though I've told her that I'm not and never have been. The psychic disagreed. Apparently, I'm bicurious with one of my guy friends. Guess who my mom believes? FML

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58735

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I got my car back from the shop. The engine has been rebuilt twice in the past 3 months. My check engine light just came on. FML

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27473

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By Anonymous

Happy quarantine!

Today, my kid shot a Nerf dart at our TV and broke the LCD screen. We have at least 11 days of coronavirus quarantine left and no TV. I don’t think we’ll make it without killing each other. FML

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1611

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By youreajoker - Australia

Today, I was at the doctors office after throwing up for the past week. My diagnosis? Apparently I'm the first pregnant man. After several minutes of me freaking out and him explaining how it was possible, he told me he was joking and that I'm fine, but my reaction was the best thus far. FML

I agree, your life sucks

54446

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By swimfaned - United States

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because she's afraid of my ex-wife. This is the third one in a row to use that very reason. The judge still won't accept my pleas for a restraining order. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38125

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2684

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By Invisible - Switzerland

Today, I worked up the courage to comment on my crush's picture. I wrote "Cool picture" on his facebook profile picture. Pleased with myself, I later logged on to see if he had replied. He had. Well, at least he took the time to reply- "Who the fuck are you?". FML

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57656

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By HtotheFtotheS - United Kingdom - Wisbech

Today, I used an air freshener in my room to make it smell good. At first, the smell was pretty pleasant. However, by the time it'd "soaked in" it smelled just like weed. My whole room stinks of it, and now my mum is convinced I've been smoking pot in my room. FML

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28057

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By anonymous - United States

Today, I was really excited to be observing my first autopsy for my forensics class. Apparently so was the guy behind me. He barfed up ramen noodles all over my hair and back. I couldn't leave the room to clean up. For two hours. FML

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29841

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1921

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By applesmama - United States

Today, my daughter spoke her first words. Her dad had been practicing with her for weeks in secret. She crawled to me and said, "I poop." FML

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30391

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By "baow" - Sweden

Today, I met this girl and we ended up having sex at her place. She decided to give me some head underneath the cover, it really was great until her Garfield sized cat decided to jump on her head and make her choke on it. Guess who got kicked out in the middle of the night for being too reckless. FML

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2061

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316

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By BirthdayBoy - United States

Today, I invited over my girlfriend of two years to spend my birthday night with her. Instead of a conventional wrapped birthday present, she gave me the news that she has taken a vow of chastity. FML

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39844

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By screwyouchris - United Kingdom - Brighton

Today, my boyfriend of two years told me that he sees no future with me. It's alright though, because he says we can still "coast along" until he meets someone else. FML

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26594

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By Gabi - United Kingdom

Today, I spent about half an hour trying to decide whether to buy a top, because even though it was lovely, it was really expensive. Eventually, after deciding to buy it because I could always return it if I changed my mind, I got home and realised I'd left it on the bus. FML

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17221

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By Mishti

Today, whilst on the toilet at the mall, I took my new designer sandals off as my feet were blistered. Not even a second later, a hand reached out from under the stall, grabbed my sandals and disappeared. I had to walk home a mile barefoot. In the burning heat. FML

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4127

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1569

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By SplashOuch - United States

Today, I was walking out of Starbucks when I sneezed, causing coffee to burn my nose. I screamed, dropped it, and sent scorching coffee all over my legs while dropping everything else I was holding. FML

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28866

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By trgtyo - United States

Today, I noticed my parents replaced my senior picture that hung on our livingroom wall with a painted one. Of our German Sheperd. FML

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47635

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I found out I'm being evicted from my apartment on my birthday. FML

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35828

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18279

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By mydadsawsooomuch - United States

Today, in the wee hours of the morning I decided to make a naked dash to the bathroom, unfortunately, my dad decided to do the same thing at the exact same time. FML

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41075

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By padthaimeanoose - Canada - Surrey

Today, I went on my first date in 6 months, to a Thai restaurant. We both got food poisoning and spent the entire evening alternately running to the bathroom while pretending that we were fine. FML

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30783

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By vagina dentata for christmas, pls - United States

Today, I was hanging out with my new boyfriend, and he took me back to his house for the first time. Taped to his bedroom door was a sheet of paper emblazoned with the words: "THE RAPE DUNGEON". I feel safer already. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35664

You deserved it

5025

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By erin - France

Today, I met a guy online, and I realized the cyber sex I had with him was better than the sex I get from my boyfriend. FML

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9259

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33576

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By Oops - United Kingdom

Today, I was trying to be sexy and rub my boyfriend's un-aroused package while we were watching a movie. I couldn't find it. FML

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42801

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7798

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By Iron11

Today, I had a date with a girl I've liked for a while. We went out to a nice Italian restaurant for dinner. I was obviously going to pay, but when the bill came I realized I'd forgotten my wallet. When I told her, she thought I was a cheap liar and now she won't answer my calls. FML

I agree, your life sucks

15659

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By cakehater - United States

Kids these days…

Today, I'm a host at a restaurant. We had a birthday party for a couple of 15 year old boys and their friends. I went to clean the bathroom at the end of my shift and discovered cake everywhere, including all over the urinal. They were even nice enough to draw a smiley on the mirror with icing. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29223

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By Sara - United States

Today, I woke up at 5:30 AM to my boyfriend flipping on the lights and shouting, "We have a problem!" Our chinchilla had gotten out of his maximum security cage, and half of our apartment is now underwater because he decided the water line that leads to the fridge would make a tasty midnight snack. FML

I agree, your life sucks

57352

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By clecker - Australia

Today, I finally paid off the massive debt on my credit card. I came home only to find that almost everything I owned had been repossessed an hour before I paid the debt. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37531

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12904

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By Anonymous - United States - Pocatello

Today, I approached a cute girl at a club, when she started barking at me like a rabid dog. Thinking she might be mentally unhinged, I left, only to see the same girl laughing her ass off with her friends minutes later. When I went back over, her friends started barking at me too. FML

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29620

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Top comments

By MrsPegg | 45

#4042051 - Thursday 16 February 2012 8:42

OP, this is a window for great opportunities. Use her lack of attention to your advantage!

By DontClickOnMe | 28

#4042069 - Thursday 16 February 2012 8:45

Lol, I guess she doesn't care about what you have to say. Or maybe you just always sound like that to her. Kinda like the teachers on Charlie Brown.

COMMENTS

By MrsPegg | 45

#4042051 - Thursday 16 February 2012 8:42

OP, this is a window for great opportunities. Use her lack of attention to your advantage!

A100893 | 30

#4042096 - Thursday 16 February 2012 8:48

Yeah, ask if you can have your own car or something. She'll notice when the bill comes.

arttyruiz | 7

#4042252 - Thursday 16 February 2012 10:09

Maybe the OP, never has interesting things to say.

evilscorpi | 29

#4042721 - Thursday 16 February 2012 14:13

its ok we did that with our teacher once.

Jakesterk96 | 8

#4042838 - Thursday 16 February 2012 14:49

Lol, did she keep nodding her head like she was understanding what you were saying.

bonnie789 | 1

#4043129 - Thursday 16 February 2012 16:25

I read this fml my life to my boyfriend, and then started speaking gibberish. He heard neither. ...

urdirtyolduncle | 15

#4043435 - Thursday 16 February 2012 18:20

Kdkdjdndbdlsjasjdjjdkskdn

*crosses fingers* I hope someone notice..

SaMmIMonster96 | 6

#4043982 - Thursday 16 February 2012 21:15

Yay! I noticed 35 :D

wryguy2765 | 8

#5671042 - Friday 13 September 2013 4:12

How did this get down voted?

By DontClickOnMe | 28

#4042069 - Thursday 16 February 2012 8:45

Lol, I guess she doesn't care about what you have to say. Or maybe you just always sound like that to her. Kinda like the teachers on Charlie Brown.

mattorama | 15

#4043279 - Thursday 16 February 2012 17:12

OR maybe OP just babbles a lot.

By JukeboxValkyrie | 19

#4042084 - Thursday 16 February 2012 8:47

Perhaps she would notice if you tried with a touch of tourettes, just start screaming random things.

thefaced | 0

#4042444 - Thursday 16 February 2012 12:31

VAGINAAAA!!!!!!

cyK0tek | 0

#4043664 - Thursday 16 February 2012 19:28

You sir, are a..VAGINNAA!! xD

BostonBruinsFan | 8

#4045598 - Friday 17 February 2012 4:10

You, very attractive, nice, cute, FUCKING lady, are a DIRTY WHORE!!! *smiles and mouths "Your Welcome"*

By TorturedXeno | 27

#4042085 - Thursday 16 February 2012 8:47

OP's gonna make a great orator.

By YaboyVinnie | 21

#4042091 - Thursday 16 February 2012 8:48

Tape a conversation with "School blabla I bet you'll buy me an ehm yeah well, brand new sports car" "Uhuh, uhuh"

By Goatinsfriend | 8

#4042118 - Thursday 16 February 2012 8:53

I have a feeling she wasn't paying attention at all, though. My mother would do the same, don't worry.

By floopyflooper | 2

#4042121 - Thursday 16 February 2012 8:53

I totally have to try this one day! Haha.

By Enslaved | 36

#4042135 - Thursday 16 February 2012 8:57

Maybe she did notice but didn't think your conversation was important enough to dissect its meaning.

BostonBruinsFan | 8

#4045603 - Friday 17 February 2012 4:12

Is your pussy eyein YOUR pussy? Enslaved?

By twaumat | 28

#4042146 - Thursday 16 February 2012 8:58

YDI for talking gibberish.

FruityLoooons | 8

#4042233 - Thursday 16 February 2012 9:55

No, son. You've completely missed the point.

By ninjuh_wingman | 29

#4042151 - Thursday 16 February 2012 9:00

She probably did what lots of people do when they dont want to pay attention to someone. Just nod your head and go mmhmm.