Today, I started speaking gibberish in the middle of the conversation...

By Anonymous - 16/2/2012 01:54 - United States

Today, I started speaking gibberish in the middle of the conversation with my mom to see if she would notice. She didn't. FML

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Miscellaneous

Dangling modifier

Rich people problems

Sewer monster

By lpilou - 21/11/2008 05:40 - France

Today, I was finally able to get to know a girl at university who I'd been eyeing up for months. We had a nice conversation. We discovered that we live in the same area, and so we talked about that. I told her that the little restaurant under my house was really disgusting. Her parents own it. FML

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By ColdMN - 3/2/2011 17:02 - United States

Today, I trying to scrape the ice off my car, but wasn't having much luck. Frustrated, I kicked a clump off from the bumper. The clump didn't budge, but the entire front quarter panel fell off. FML

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By unlucky - 19/9/2009 19:05 - United Kingdom

Today, was my birthday. I asked for a camera - nothing fancy, just a basic digital camera. My mother bought my brother a fancy digital camera, with all the accessories, for over £200. She then gave me his old, analogue camera, that I can't get film for anymore. He hates taking photos. FML

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By sacked - 22/2/2010 19:51 - United States

Today, I was woken by my alarm. I got really tangled up in my blankets, and struggled frantically to untangle myself so I could turn off the alarm. I not only kneed myself in the face, but I accidentally punched myself in the nuts too. Hard. FML

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By Jessika - 7/8/2009 09:18 - United Kingdom

Today, I finished a ballet class with a group of seven-and-unders. Afterwards, a new student's mother came up to me and thanked me, saying she was glad that her daughter had a "role model with a, ahem, fuller figure" and "not to worry about my weight." I have never thought I was fat before. FML

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By Anonymous - 20/2/2015 19:25 - United States - Wapakoneta

Today, my surgeon was giving me the lowdown of what was going to happen on the operating table. I was anxious enough without him saying stuff like "cut you open", "quite a bit of blood" and "it's all quite risky." That's all I remember before fainting. My wife won't stop mocking me for it. FML

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By penguindude82 - 6/5/2012 07:38 - United States - Dallas

Today, I had a huge yard sale. Since I live in a good neighborhood, I decided to leave the stuff out tonight rather than pack it all in for only a few hours. The news didn't say anything about the impending severe thunderstorm. FML

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By oralMistake - 26/10/2009 18:46 - United States

Today, I failed an oral speech because "I didn't look up once." The problem was, every time I looked up, my teacher looked down. Every time I looked down, she looked up. FML

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By sarah - 14/7/2010 04:32 - United States

Today, I've recently gained weight so I bought an exercise video. I started it right away in my room on the top floor. My younger sister screamed and ran outside a few minutes later. She thought it was an earthquake. FML

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By Anonymous - 27/9/2015 12:21 - Australia

Today, I got detention from my teacher for not handing an assignment in. It would be understandable if I hadn't handed it in a week before it was due. She won't listen to reason. FML

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By libraries are a girl's best friend - 19/7/2013 21:53 - United States - Elizabethtown

Today, my dad grounded me for swearing, after I read a funny comment on Youtube to my sister. The supposed swear word? "YOLO." FML

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By beep_guacamole - 24/5/2009 21:49 - United States

Today, I went to the laundromat. I put a load in the dryer and walked away to check on my other load. When I came back, I saw a homeless man putting his dirty, wet underwear in the dryer with my clean clothes. FML

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By Mishti - 13/5/2018 15:00

Today, whilst on the toilet at the mall, I took my new designer sandals off as my feet were blistered. Not even a second later, a hand reached out from under the stall, grabbed my sandals and disappeared. I had to walk home a mile barefoot. In the burning heat. FML

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By ugh - 1/6/2014 22:15 - United States - Concord

Today, I told someone about my degree in technical theatre with a concentration in lighting design. They looked at me and said, "You're paid $52,000 a year to turn lights on and off?" And technically, that's correct. FML

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By w_t_f - 18/2/2009 09:16 - United States

Today, I woke up to the sound of scissors. My mom was cutting my hair while I was asleep. FML

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By splooge - 28/1/2009 15:12 - United States

Today, I was in bed next to the boy I loved, he had just came and passed out immediately afterwards. I reached over to look at my phone but grabbed his instead and saw a text message from his ex-girlfriend that read "I love you too." FML

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By yamada - 25/2/2011 10:15 - Singapore

Today, all the staff in my company were forced to attend an evening Chippendale show. Everyone in my department managed to think of a good reason to escape while I failed and no other choice but to go. I'm the only guy. FML

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By Anonymous - 18/3/2016 17:29 - United States - Oceanside

Today, as usual, I'm stuck working in a brutally hostile work environment under my mother-in-law, who's never forgiven me for marrying her daughter. I only got the job because of family politics. Four months on, I still can't even land so much as a single interview elsewhere. FML

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By Anonymous - 20/2/2016 14:19 - United States - Abington

Today, my father used my birth certificate as a beer coaster. Accident or not, it pretty much perfectly sums up our relationship. FML

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By strongjon60 - 7/2/2012 15:07 - United States

Today, at my internship, I was told we were going to do something fun. I was excited, until I found out that this "fun" thing was labeling 500 folders. FML

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By Alexea Luton - 11/11/2019 01:00

The eye of the beholder

Today, my boyfriend compared me to an unattractive actress. When I said it was sort of messed up to say that to me since she's not pretty, he said, "She's not as bad as you." FML

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By Username - 27/5/2011 21:13 - United States

Today, I finally get to go home after a 16 day training event in Colorado. The plane has been sitting in the runway for over three hours due to lightning storms and we're not allowed to leave. We've spent more time on the ground waiting than the flight itself would take. FML

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By Hlaalette - 13/5/2015 13:57 - Belgium

Today, I managed to throw my back out by blowing my nose. FML

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By Anonymous - 14/6/2010 23:39 - United States

Today, my boss told me I was fired 3 weeks ago because there was no money to pay me, meaning that I worked the last three weeks for free. FML

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By NoorFML - 13/9/2013 13:24 - United States

Today, I woke up and saw that my alarm clock had fallen on the floor. It read 9:05 am. I panicked because I was late for work. As I frantically got ready, I went to pick my alarm clock up to place it back on my nightstand when I realized it was upside down. The actual time was 5:06. FML

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By anonymous - 8/10/2011 20:40 - United States

Today, to keep me from "getting fatter", my roommate raided the kitchen. She ate everything from cookies and ice cream to deli meat. The only thing left in the house are vegetables. FML

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By Enko - 9/11/2008 07:43 - France

Today, my mum was watching a program about sexually transmitted diseases. Later on she starts telling me that I should be careful and use the right protection when having sex. Suddenly she stops and says « Actually I don’t know why I’m telling you this, after all you don’t have a boyfriend! » and walks away. FML

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By NotJessePinkmanFFS - 10/9/2012 06:06 - United States - Norwalk

Today, my 43-year-old brother's obsession with Breaking Bad reached a new level of stupidity when he nearly got us beaten up by a bunch of meth-heads down by our local park. He went up to them with his shaved head and stupid hat, and tried to act all Walter White with them. FML

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By kandi - 4/5/2009 07:34 - Philippines

Today, while at the bakeshop, I got bored waiting in line so I decided to sit on the glass case protecting cupcakes. Turns out there was no glass. I had to pay $50 to cover all the mess and had to walk out of the bakeshop with icing all over my butt. FML

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By Anonymous - 15/3/2020 18:07

Alexa, play "Mr Loverman" by Shabba Ranks

Today, I was at a store when I saw a cute girl from my school. Trying to act cool, I went to hold the door for her. Too bad it was an automatic door. FML

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By workworkwork - 3/11/2017 05:00

Today, at the winery, my boss proudly made a spectacle of the new, high quality bottles. After over a year of employment without breaking a bottle, I shattered 3 before lunch. FML

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By nofatchicks - 12/5/2014 23:49 - United States - Tampa

Today, I nervously flirted with a very cute guy. Being a little overweight, I rarely think cute guys will go for me. This line of thinking was yet again correct when he casually pulled his sleeve up revealing a tattoo of a pinup girl with a "NO FAT CHICKS" sign below it. FML

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By AvocadoPurse - 31/12/2019 16:00

Today, my mother-in-law took a phone message on the back of my marriage license. FML

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By HunkyFez - 28/8/2020 08:06 - Australia

Dad joke number 287474

Today, my dad offered to make me lunch as it was my first day at a new school. Today was also the day I had to eat a penis-shaped sandwich in front of my new peers. FML

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By Dulok Warrior Princess - 10/9/2018 19:30 - United States - New York

Today, at gym class, coach placed the boys on an "advanced level" rope climb by having a girl cling on their back. I got paired with my crush. As he climbed, we were trailing behind so I cheered for him to go faster. He loudly responded, "Why don't you go on a diet!?" FML

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By Anonymous - 18/9/2020 18:01 - New Zealand - Auckland

Lockdown fashion

Today, my partner got a lockdown haircut. He now has a mullet. FML

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By afraidofcans - 23/10/2012 16:01 - United States - Stafford

Today, after years of being terrified of those biscuit cans that pop when you unwrap them, I finally decided I'd open one myself. I'm sitting in the hospital with a sliced hand from the lid and can feel therapy in my future. FML

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By imeanreallytho - 11/9/2015 16:20 - United States

Today, I was in the bathroom at work. The lock on the stall door broke, and I couldn't open it. I was all alone and I started having a mini panic attack. After several minutes of frantically trying to fix the lock and hyperventilating, I realized I could just crawl under the door. FML

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By bigcityfail - 7/5/2011 11:54 - United States

Today, I learned that my apartment building has two new tenants: my ex-girlfriend and her fiancé, the guy she cheated on me with. FML

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By Brandon - 4/8/2009 02:36 - United States

Today, my girlfriend called me from her parents' house where she is visiting. They were BBQing outside when out of the blue her childhood friend Adam showed up at the door for the BBQ. She asked her parents why he was there, and her dad replied that he "wants her to know that she has options." FML

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Top comments

By MrsPegg | 45

#4042051 - Thursday 16 February 2012 8:42

OP, this is a window for great opportunities. Use her lack of attention to your advantage!

By DontClickOnMe | 28

#4042069 - Thursday 16 February 2012 8:45

Lol, I guess she doesn't care about what you have to say. Or maybe you just always sound like that to her. Kinda like the teachers on Charlie Brown.

COMMENTS

By MrsPegg | 45

#4042051 - Thursday 16 February 2012 8:42

OP, this is a window for great opportunities. Use her lack of attention to your advantage!

A100893 | 30

#4042096 - Thursday 16 February 2012 8:48

Yeah, ask if you can have your own car or something. She'll notice when the bill comes.

arttyruiz | 7

#4042252 - Thursday 16 February 2012 10:09

Maybe the OP, never has interesting things to say.

evilscorpi | 29

#4042721 - Thursday 16 February 2012 14:13

its ok we did that with our teacher once.

Jakesterk96 | 8

#4042838 - Thursday 16 February 2012 14:49

Lol, did she keep nodding her head like she was understanding what you were saying.

bonnie789 | 1

#4043129 - Thursday 16 February 2012 16:25

I read this fml my life to my boyfriend, and then started speaking gibberish. He heard neither. ...

urdirtyolduncle | 15

#4043435 - Thursday 16 February 2012 18:20

Kdkdjdndbdlsjasjdjjdkskdn

*crosses fingers* I hope someone notice..

SaMmIMonster96 | 6

#4043982 - Thursday 16 February 2012 21:15

Yay! I noticed 35 :D

wryguy2765 | 8

#5671042 - Friday 13 September 2013 4:12

How did this get down voted?

By DontClickOnMe | 28

#4042069 - Thursday 16 February 2012 8:45

Lol, I guess she doesn't care about what you have to say. Or maybe you just always sound like that to her. Kinda like the teachers on Charlie Brown.

mattorama | 15

#4043279 - Thursday 16 February 2012 17:12

OR maybe OP just babbles a lot.

By JukeboxValkyrie | 19

#4042084 - Thursday 16 February 2012 8:47

Perhaps she would notice if you tried with a touch of tourettes, just start screaming random things.

thefaced | 0

#4042444 - Thursday 16 February 2012 12:31

VAGINAAAA!!!!!!

cyK0tek | 0

#4043664 - Thursday 16 February 2012 19:28

You sir, are a..VAGINNAA!! xD

BostonBruinsFan | 8

#4045598 - Friday 17 February 2012 4:10

You, very attractive, nice, cute, FUCKING lady, are a DIRTY WHORE!!! *smiles and mouths "Your Welcome"*

By TorturedXeno | 27

#4042085 - Thursday 16 February 2012 8:47

OP's gonna make a great orator.

By YaboyVinnie | 20

#4042091 - Thursday 16 February 2012 8:48

Tape a conversation with "School blabla I bet you'll buy me an ehm yeah well, brand new sports car" "Uhuh, uhuh"

By Goatinsfriend | 8

#4042118 - Thursday 16 February 2012 8:53

I have a feeling she wasn't paying attention at all, though. My mother would do the same, don't worry.

By floopyflooper | 2

#4042121 - Thursday 16 February 2012 8:53

I totally have to try this one day! Haha.

By Enslaved | 36

#4042135 - Thursday 16 February 2012 8:57

Maybe she did notice but didn't think your conversation was important enough to dissect its meaning.

BostonBruinsFan | 8

#4045603 - Friday 17 February 2012 4:12

Is your pussy eyein YOUR pussy? Enslaved?

By twaumat | 28

#4042146 - Thursday 16 February 2012 8:58

YDI for talking gibberish.

FruityLoooons | 8

#4042233 - Thursday 16 February 2012 9:55

No, son. You've completely missed the point.

By ninjuh_wingman | 29

#4042151 - Thursday 16 February 2012 9:00

She probably did what lots of people do when they dont want to pay attention to someone. Just nod your head and go mmhmm.