Work: Today, I started my new job. The first thing my coworkers asked...

By NotASportsGuy - United States - Long Island City

Today, I started my new job. The first thing my coworkers asked me is what football team I like. When I told them I didn't really like sports, they immediately stopped talking to me and haven't since, even when I ask them work-related questions. FML

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Work

Our house, in the middle of our street

Vulture

Season finale

By brinn - United States

Today, I told my husband that I wanted him to stay sober during the week. He responded by saying he wanted me to be a supermodel during the week. FML

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By badeats - United States

Thanks

Today, I visited my grandma. She offered me some chips in ziploc bag. I thought they were sour cream and onion chips from the look. They tasted funny, but I didn't want to be rude and I kept eating. I looked closer after a while and noticed that what I thought were chives was actually mold. FML

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By anonymous - United States

Today, I was playing Apples to Apples with my girlfriend and a few others. The card that was drawn was labeled "pathetic". Among other cards that were laid down in attempts to be similar to "pathetic" was my girlfriend's card. She won with a create-a-card labeled "my sex life". FML

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, for my two month anniversary, my boyfriend surprised me with a "present". He then lifted his pant leg. He had carved my initials into his leg with a knife. FML

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By StudentAbroad - Ukraine - Kiev

Today, several Ukrainians didn't believe me when I said I was American. Apparently I'm not fat enough. FML

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By Arthur - United States

Today, my neighbor scolded me for "allowing" her son to be bitten by one of my dogs. This would be reasonable, except for the fact that her kid had jumped my fence and tried to steal a rattle out of my daughter's hands. FML

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By creeped_out_ - United States

Today, I am currently grounded for three weeks, have no car, cell phone, or television privileges, and am not allowed to spend more than 10 minutes on the computer a day. The reason why: I was seven minutes past my 9'oclock curfew. I'm 18. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I sat my son down for a talk about how he's been too lazy to brush his teeth lately. I said "Son, we need to have a chat about oral hygiene." He rolled his eyes, sighed, and said he already knew to clean "it" before a girl went down on him, and asked if he could go already. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I asked a coworker if she would cover for me on Easter because I want to spend it with my 3 year old daughter. She said no because she wants to spend Easter with her kids, too. She doesn't have kids. FML

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By shortyybrooke

Today, my wife sat beside me on the ledge of the bathtub because she wanted to make out. I was on the toilet. Shitting. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Fort Collins

Today, I learned that no matter how much you want the Nutella, it's never a good idea to deep-throat the knife. FML

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By Anonymous - Argentina

Today, a guy I've liked for a while asked if he could talk to me during break. He'd never done that before, so I was excited and said yes. As soon as we both sat down, he asked if I'd help him get a date with my best friend. FML

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By Whoopsie - United States - Worcester

Today, I woke up loudly screaming from a "night" terror. I say "night"; I was actually at my desk at work, in the middle of the day, surrounded by dozens of co-workers in their cubicles. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Plainsboro

Today, while life-guarding in a 55+ community, I greeted a man by saying: "Good morning Sir!" He responded with, "Cut the shit kid, I'm not that fucking old." FML

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By Mahomie123 - United States

Today, I had an all day volleyball tournament in a town an hour away. My dad left early, not realizing he was my ride home. I'm now stranded in the middle of a rural town with no way home anytime soon. FML

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By unicorn - United States

Today, I went on a date with my boyfriend. Suddenly he starts speaking gibberish. I ask what's wrong? He says, "I was just talking to my unicorn. He says you're pretty," and winks at me. What have we learned today? The person I like is a freak, and apparently unicorns are real. FML

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By not chicken spaghetti - United States - Clarksville

Today, while cooking supper with my boyfriend, we both smelled something funny. He tasted the sauce I was making, then asked me to taste it because something was off. I guess the burned teflon of our cheap pot mixed with Rotel just doesn't work that well. Now we're having dry chicken and plain noodles. FML

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By storksleuth - United States

Today, I saw a girl wearing a Nirvana shirt. Since Nirvana has been my favorite band for a long time, I tried striking up a conversation with her. Turns out she doesn't even listen to them, and only bought the shirt because she "liked the smiley face." FML

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By cnd1213 - United States

Today, I had to do my assistant manager's job because she doesn't know what the hell she is doing. I'd interviewed for this position but didn't get it because I'm "still too new for this position." FML

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By electricpuddle

Today, while letting horses out to switch pasture, one ran at me, sending me through the electric fence and into a mud puddle. Wrapped in electric fence, I sat in that electric mud puddle, screaming every time it shocked me. Help arrived, once they'd had a good long laugh. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Pleasant Grove

Today, I was texting my boyfriend when he said, "Hold up." Thinking it'd be funny, I ran and grabbed my copy of the movie Up, and took a picture of me holding it and sent it to him. He replied, "Getting real tired of your shit." Then dumped me for my "dumb taste in humor." FML

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By Arcanin3Boss - United States - Portland

Today, I went to my boyfriend's house to eat dinner with his parents. Everyone wanted me to start the family prayer, and although I hadn't done one in years, I accepted. It went well until I remembered you say "Amen" at the end, not "Uh... Bye." FML

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By seriously? - United States - Spring

Today, while talking to my boyfriend, he got upset and accused me of making up words to make him feel stupid. All because I used the word "vapid." FML

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By brooklyn0118

Today, I got home to find my dog had found and eaten my wedding rings. I get married in 2 days. FML

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By me - Canada

Today, my girlfriend's response to my question about where our relationship was going was, "Let me check what my Celtic Runes have to say about it." FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I finished my first shift at my new summer job. I've only been working there for 6 hours and they already call me, "The blonde one". I made straight A's in my last semester of college. FML

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By omg - Canada

Today, I got a call from my 8 year old son's teacher. Apparently, my kid has been charging girls a quarter to touch his "special area." FML

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By sadsadlady - Canada

Today, I told my husband that while he was away I had had a miscarriage. His response? "If you can't take care of our baby while it is still inside you, how can I trust you to take care of it when it comes out?" FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Romulus

Today, I found out that the messages about the issues in my sex life that I'd been sending to my best friend had been sent to my mother via iMessage. She's coming over for dinner tomorrow. FML

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By the attention seeker - United States - North Miami Beach

Today my mother met my in-laws for the first time. She had been an alcoholic and had us sent to foster care 15 years ago. My husband told his parents this behind my back a while ago. When they asked her about it, she denied everything. His entire family now thinks I lie for attention. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada - Windsor

Today, I saw my girlfriend walking hand-in-hand down the street with another man. When I confronted her, she claimed she had no idea who I was, and the guy told me to beat it. Later on, she returned to our apartment and actually tried to act as if nothing had happened. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I found out that the electricity company can just show up unannounced and cut off my power, but cannot find the meter for a whole 10 days to switch it on again. It's currently dark and 7°C in my bedroom. FML

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By annoyed - United States - Houston

Today, my mother texted me that she was in labor. She never told me she was pregnant. Apparently she's engaged too. FML

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By cocacola999 - United Kingdom

Today, I was at a party. Trying to overcome my social anxiety, I was trying to take part in conversations. So, when a girl mentioned she had a doctor's appointment next morning, I blurted out: "What kind of a doctor?" Everyone stared as she responded: "A gynaecologist." FML

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By Casey - United States

Today, I realized it is now considered normal and routine that my boyfriend wets the bed after a night of drinking. FML

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By puzzled - United Kingdom

Today, I was brushing my teeth when I felt a lump of something in the corner of my mouth. Naturally assuming it would be a bit of food that my toothbrush had dislodged, I spat it out into the sink. It was a woodlouse. FML

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By Anonymous - Netherlands - Vlissingen

Today, I had to take the train from my hometown to my university for a very important meeting concerning my foreign exchange program. When I finally arrived, I noticed a Post-it on the door: "Meeting cancelled, sick". I basically made a 9-hour day-trip for a half-an-hour walk. FML

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By Dave

Today, I said to a girl that I recently started dating, ‘I like you so far’. My phone had other plans and decide to autocorrect far to fat as I hit send. FML.

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By thestudent - Philippines

Today, my math teacher brought his laptop to tally up all our scores for our report card. He then displayed the results on a big screen in front of the whole class. The ones who failed were marked yellow. I was the only one marked yellow. FML

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By AMIGODO - Netherlands

Today, It was my birthday and my friends came to celebrate it. My parents thought it would be funny to give me a vibrator in front of everybody. FML

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Top comments

By nzhx | 23

#6404109 - Monday 7 September 2015 10:28

A bit childish on their part, but I think the only course of action if this becomes a serious problem that gets in the way of your work is talk to HR or your boss. Sorry, OP.

By KK3137 | 31

#6404115 - Monday 7 September 2015 10:31

Talk about being bad sports.. Your coworkers are seriously immature.

COMMENTS

By domolovesyoshi | 33

#6404108 - Monday 7 September 2015 10:27

That's really mature of them, what jerks.

TheGreyJayLP | 10

#6405201 - Tuesday 8 September 2015 14:27

I think you mean immature

FreshDonuts | 18

#6405238 - Tuesday 8 September 2015 15:50

Sarcasm #50

By nzhx | 23

#6404109 - Monday 7 September 2015 10:28

A bit childish on their part, but I think the only course of action if this becomes a serious problem that gets in the way of your work is talk to HR or your boss. Sorry, OP.

ligerzero459 | 24

#6404574 - Monday 7 September 2015 20:46

HR is a bad idea. They're there to protect the best interests of the company. Making people talk to the new guy is not in the best interests when they can just let him go and get someone new

By brownapple | 22

#6404114 - Monday 7 September 2015 10:29

You don't need to talk to immature jerks like them, OP.

By KK3137 | 31

#6404115 - Monday 7 September 2015 10:31

Talk about being bad sports.. Your coworkers are seriously immature.

By Twigman8 | 15

#6404116 - Monday 7 September 2015 10:32

They're probably just butthurt because they wanted to deflate someone in their fantasy football league

By jessieexxo | 4

#6404117 - Monday 7 September 2015 10:34

that sucks

By hehe1996 | 15

#6404118 - Monday 7 September 2015 10:34

I'm sorry your coworkers are being such jerks OP. Hopefully the situation is only temporary.

By AlysoninAlaska | 19

#6404119 - Monday 7 September 2015 10:39

I'm sure they'll get over it. Just keep your behavior professional and document that you are asking work-related questions and they are ignoring you, if they keep it up, bring your proof to your supervisor or HR.

By DMA0712 | 22

#6404120 - Monday 7 September 2015 10:41

Chin up OP, stay professional and hopefully they'll stop being so immature. Good luck.

By UhHuhHoney | 20

#6404128 - Monday 7 September 2015 10:55

Where the hell do you work?