Work: Today, I started my first day of work at our local humane society....

By Anonymous - 21/12/2012 14:22 - United States - Cottonwood

Today, I started my first day of work at our local humane society. I asked where the break room was, so my coworker directed me to a small room in the back of the building. The only place I get to take my lunch break is the same room where they euthanize, freeze and cremate the animals. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 870

You deserved it 7 892

Work

Taking stock

Not now, please

Taking sides

By ruvru - 10/04/2009 17:13 - United States

Today, while lying next to me, my boyfriend smiled and told me, "I really like your eyes. They're pretty." He paused and then finished with, "They really help your face." FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 617

You deserved it 4 109

By *sneeze* - 29/11/2018 12:00

Today, it's my wife's birthday. Since I had work, I gave her $200 to spend on herself and left. When I came back with dinner and the movie she wanted, I found her with a dog. She is very attached to him because the shelter was going to put him down. I love him, but I'm allergic to dogs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 030

You deserved it 446

By kacie smith - 16/09/2012 12:36 - United States - Youngsville

Today, my husband and I bought a new swing for our front porch. We put it together and sat down to enjoy our accomplishment. 5 minutes into our swing I threw up several times. I have really bad motion sickness, and apparently a swing is no exception. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 649

You deserved it 3 708

The Nerve!

By Mike - 17/09/2019 02:02 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, my ex-boyfriend, who refers to himself in the third person on a regular basis, told me that I often act entitled. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 298

You deserved it 215

By anonymous - 04/07/2012 14:45 - United States

Today, my boyfriend proposed. Two hours later I get a text from my ex announcing he has just been diagnosed with chlamydia. I now have to explain this to my fiancé. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 133

You deserved it 34 540

By toothbreaker - 21/08/2019 16:00

Today, I was wrestling with my boyfriend when I accidentally kneed him in the chin and chipped his front tooth. I broke his real tooth, as well as the fake part from when he chipped it ten years ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 451

You deserved it 246

By ekaay - 16/01/2018 15:00

Today, whilst cleaning the living room, I heard snickering coming from my bedroom. My two nephews had found my "play cupboard" and were blowing up condoms like balloons. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 987

You deserved it 962

By Ballhugger - 06/12/2009 20:42 - Canada

Today, I fell asleep with my hands down my pants. I woke up to an excruciating pain coming from my genitalea. It turns out that I was having nightmares and I squeezed my balls because I was so terrified. I popped 3 blood vessels in my scrotum and now walk with a limp. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 457

You deserved it 11 092

By NoSacredSpace - 19/05/2018 05:00

Today, I can finally say there’s no part of my body that hasn’t had a pimple show up. I found a zit on my clit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 875

You deserved it 498

By Anonymous - 24/11/2015 13:17 - United States - Westborough

Today, I was jerking off quietly so my roommates wouldn't hear me. In the middle of it, one of them sent me a screenshot of an error message on a porn site, asking if I was having the same problem. I guess I wasn't being so quiet after all. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 166

You deserved it 6 833

By Anonymous - 09/07/2014 16:54 - Ireland - Dublin

Today, a grown man yelled at me because he'd been waiting for 15 minutes and still hadn't been seated or had his order taken. We were at a self-serve breakfast buffet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 290

You deserved it 3 972

By Anonymous - 11/07/2012 05:29 - United States - Dallas

Today, my boss asked me if he could pay me in gum. Thinking he was playing around, I agreed. He wasn't playing around. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 949

You deserved it 9 839

By Anonymous - 14/08/2014 04:38 - France

Today, I took part in a raffle that was being organised in the small countryside village where I'm vacationing. I live in big city. I won a duck. A real, live duck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 756

You deserved it 9 500

By hilariousnow - 22/12/2009 08:46 - Vietnam

Today, with my girlfriend I planned a trip to Bali on this Thursday and we will celebrate Christmas together. Hotel booking done, flight tickets bought, swimsuits packed. I just forgot one thing: tell my boss I'll be on leave till next week. He gave me a new project. The deadline is next monday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 516

You deserved it 38 664

By 2dumb2drive - 12/02/2011 04:06 - United States

Today, I thought it would be fun to drive into a stack of some empty cardboard boxes on my street. They weren't empty. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 108

You deserved it 57 288

By nolove - 04/05/2009 02:12 - Canada

Today, before going to bed my phone lit up and I got all excited because I thought it was a text message. My phone was finished charging. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 627

You deserved it 46 263

By Anonymous - 13/08/2010 14:16 - United States

Today, I was on the way to traffic court for a $340 speeding ticket I'd got. My mother called me and I wasn't paying attention which caused me to speed. Right past a cop. When I told the cop where I was going, he started laughing at me. I now have another $300 ticket. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 842

You deserved it 51 951

By buttcrack - 18/02/2010 05:31 - United States

Today, I got fired. To make things worse, I had to sit in three-hour bumper to bumper traffic, waiting for a wreck to clear on my way home. In front of me was a fat man with a hairy butt crack on a motorcycle. I was forced to stare at a fat, underwear-less man's ass for 3 hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 143

You deserved it 3 913

Rock, hard place

By Anonymous - 12/08/2020 20:00

Today, I'm horny all the time, but my endurance in the sack is horrible. Why me? FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 270

You deserved it 386

By thanxguys - 17/03/2010 19:03 - United States

Today, I discovered that when my parents offered to help me pay for college, what they really meant is they would get the forms for me to apply for student loans. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 525

You deserved it 4 761

By anonymous - 19/02/2015 16:06 - United Kingdom - Leicester

Today, whilst walking to a primary school to give pupils a lesson on cleanliness, I tripped and landed on a dog turd. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 684

You deserved it 3 246

By HeIsKindaRightTho - 16/09/2014 04:31 - United States - Houghton

Today, I video-chatted with my mom and showed her my new, very short haircut. My dad walked in, took one look at me and said, "I can only attribute this to penis envy," and walked out again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 266

You deserved it 4 908

By Anonymous - 23/11/2013 21:57 - Argentina

Today, after getting a root canal, I told my mother how boring it was just sitting there with my mouth open for ages while the dentist did his work. She then told me how she had to do the same kind of thing on her anniversary night with my father. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 675

You deserved it 4 823

Ingredients check

By Anonymous - 22/06/2021 18:00

Today, my boyfriend told me the sauce he made for our dinner that was meat-based, trying to show me how nice meat is and stop me being a weirdo vegan. The reason I’m vegan is because my digestive system can’t handle animal protein. I’m writing this from the bathroom, vomiting myself to death. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 175

You deserved it 117

By hwscrewed - 10/11/2010 04:00 - United States

Today, I was writing my narrative essay for my English class. When I turned it in, I was really proud of what I thought I wrote. Evidently for some people listening to music while writing essays is a bad thing. My essay was filled with little bits of ZZ Top lyrics. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 347

You deserved it 34 649

Benjamin Button

By TooYoungForThis - 03/09/2019 20:00

Today, my father was helping me move into college. When we arrived, the students helping people move in mistook me for one of the parents. I’m 19. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 488

You deserved it 125

By lonelygirl - 14/10/2012 12:43 - Canada - London

Today, my boyfriend promised me he wouldn't leave me alone in Niagara. I'm currently sitting alone in the hotel room drinking a bottle of wine while he gambles away money he doesn't have. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 420

You deserved it 3 675

By wherefelix - 03/07/2009 08:01 - United States

Today, I woke up early, showered, dressed, and made the 40 minute drive to work, only to discover when I arrived that today was my day off. When I got home my live in boyfriend was gone. I called and he told me he was at the beach, right near my work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 039

You deserved it 9 470

By Anonymous - 08/11/2011 17:20 - United States

Today, after holding it in for hours, I finally managed to run to the bathroom for a pee. I thought it was impossible for rats to climb up the sewer pipes and into the toilet, but apparently I was wrong. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 811

You deserved it 2 721

By The Towel Molester - 26/01/2012 14:49 - Australia

Today, my family had dinner with my future in-laws for the first time. After a bottle of wine to herself, my mother loudly insisted that I'm out of her will. Apparently, I "molest towels" and leave them to "fester for days" in my "den of depravity". I'm sure they'll give me their daughter now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 343

You deserved it 3 262

By lifeguard down - 01/08/2010 04:23 - United States

Today, while at work I tripped and fell in the pool while moving a waste basket. I nearly drowned and had to be saved. I don't know which is worse the fact that I nearly drowned or the fact that I'm a lifeguard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 654

You deserved it 13 271

By Chris - 03/04/2011 17:41 - United States

Today, I was awoken by my dad yelling into my ear. In shock, I jumped up off the couch, and came smashing down into the coffee table. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 582

You deserved it 4 110

By Rosie - 16/10/2018 12:00

Today, I discovered that you can vomit hard enough to break a rib and tear a ligament. Why was I barfing so violently? The stray cat I'm feeding has given me worms. I found one during "down there cleanup" time. I got laughed at by EMS, nurses, doctors, and my family. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 531

You deserved it 516

By Anonymous - 15/01/2013 20:56 - Finland - Helsinki

Today, after a long, horrible day at work and some fighting with my family and my girlfriend, I decided to cheer myself up by going to McDonald's for a change. I burst into tears when the cashier told me they couldn't make me a Mars McFlurry because they'd run out of ingredients. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 881

You deserved it 8 550

By Tyler - 19/11/2011 07:58 - United States

Today, at my job as a cocktail server in a bar, a group of good looking ladies sat in my section. As I was finishing up with the table next to them I overheard one of them saying, "I hope we don't get that guy, I want a sexy waiter tonight." FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 720

You deserved it 3 068

By longtrip - 18/01/2010 00:30 - United Kingdom

Today, I drove 4 hours to see my girlfriend of a year, as she had asked me to stay with her for a few days. When I arrived she told me she wanted to be friends as she liked someone else, but wanted me to stay the few days so we could work on being friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 928

You deserved it 2 392

Close shave

By Gears - 29/04/2019 16:00

Today, I had dinner at a local fast-food joint. There's an employee there that I usually talk to and flirt with, so I thought maybe it was time to ask for her number. After a small conversation and almost getting to the point, she told me, "I'm 17." I'm 23. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 081

You deserved it 720

By FlowerPower - 20/07/2009 21:32 - United States

Today, I took a big sniff of a flower in my garden. I spent the rest of the morning blowing little bugs out of my nose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 776

You deserved it 18 258

By -.- - 19/01/2015 01:18 - United States - Ellwood City

Today, my mother told me how long it took for her to have me. Not how long she carried me in her womb - how long it took her and my dad to have sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 926

You deserved it 3 009

By justinherass - 28/03/2009 05:43 - Canada

Today, while lying in bed with my girlfriend and she was grabbing the fat on my stomach I said to her "stop touching my fat". She replied "so don't touch you at all?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 810

You deserved it 24 938

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