By ari - 18/02/2013 22:15 - United States

Today, I started at my new job. The woman who I'll be working right next to 40 hours a week introduced herself with, "I know what your name is. I know what you're planning, and I've been sent to destroy you." FML
I agree, your life sucks 35 911
You deserved it 3 875

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At least you don't have to wonder who the office nut is anymore.


I think more like Psychopath.

I was kinda thinking terminator.

Pickup artist.

Plot Twist: OP is actually a high-class meth distributor and his job is at Los Pollos Hermanos.

I was kinda thinking Liam Neeson. No? Ok

OP's reply should be: 'I don't know who you are. I don't know what you want. If you are looking for ransom, I can tell you I don't have money. But what I do have are a very particular set of skills; skills I have acquired over a very long career. Skills that make me a nightmare for people like you. If you let this all go now, that'll be the end of it. I will not look for you, I will not pursue you. But if you don't, I will look for you, I will find you, and I will kill you.'

fksfsdhfsdfh 26

Lol good one

may be she has a sense of humor

92 Im going to remember this by heart.

Gondile 4

45, the Silence does not speak.

Good luck on your new job, OP! Just ignore these type of people.

Hey! what do you mean, "you people" ?

15 - I fail to see a "you" anywhere in #2's comment. OP: Should've answered with "You can try, but if you kill me the code is lost" or etc. I would have played along. Unless your coworker was serious; in which case you may want to keep an eye open when you sleep.

I think the coworker was joking. I would have played along. She sounds like the female version of Dwight from The Office.

sounds like you've got to deal with a crazy person. sorry for you OP

Or just a cool person's way of defusing the tension, that awkward silence is over rated.

If someone told me that, I would not know how to react. If you laugh at them they could be offended, but if you take it too seriously they could be joking. The best response? Tell them you're from the future and know everything that the person sent there to destroy you will do. Then awkwardly stare at them until they cower in fear.

Either that, or someone with a good sense of humor who knows how to have a good time.

I would rather just stare awkwardly because it seems more fun. Even if they were joking, awkward stares make life better.

Schizomaniac 24

Now just wait for Arnold to bust in and save you.

Get to the choppa!

mangoboy1 19

I love Arnold Schwarzenegger.

KingCeltic77 18

Arnold could be the one sent to KILL her. And then her baby daddy from the future sent by her son WILL save her. Confusing, I know.

Tali147 16

I can't ever say his name without it sounding like I'm saying a derogatory racial word...

what? what flipping word sounds like?

Where do you work Umbrella Cooperation?

Well that would make sense.

Try your best and show them that you can do this :) I'm sure you can!

wlddog 14

That sounds like an overly polite response. (checking where you are from)..... LoL... Canada? I should have known. It just sounds like an epic arc enemy in the work place. Perhaps they should get a theme song for when that person finishes sentences, or study up on the tv show "The Office" and figure out how they deal with Dwight.

I have to ask, do you guys really aboot. HIMYM reference to be clear.

-49 I'm Canadian and I'm perfectly capable of being rude! I can even curse, allow me to demonstrate: you beaver born, untalented maple fudger! Get on out, before we get the Zambonie after you!

dontpanic_fml 32

Show who that she can do what? Her job? You may have sidestepped the point of this Fml. It's not to form a cheering section for the OP at her work.

It's spelled Zamboni. I know because I owned one. Owned. Good thing we also have free healthcare.

wlddog 14

LOL!!!!!! There is a reason we get along with Canada so well now. Besides the maple syrup and ice maintaining machinery. Course, when you guys attacked us before we were a county wasn't cool, but enough time has passed to laugh about it now.

At least you don't have to wonder who the office nut is anymore.

Maybe that's not her least-sane new coworker. That's even more frightening.

Sounds like you're going to have a fun job. I wish the people I worked with were fun -__-

zombieslayer83 19

I work in a auto shop, and we always do stuff like that. makes for a fun way to meet the new people.

I work at a family run pizza place, my employess (im a shift manager) and i are like family and we play jokes like this on new blood lol its always great to see their face when we do it and it releaves first day tension

zombieslayer83 19

I had a new guy think my name was "big juicy" for weeks. As said before, makes the first day easier.

BellaBelle_fml 23

I agree, it does make life and working so much more fun and easier when you can loosen up and have a good time with your coworkers and the newbies. I am a charge nurse and I had to train a newly licensed LVN. I had her convinced that I was born without a belly button for weeks. I told her that when the doctors found out about my lack of a belly button they had to get creative in order to save my life by finding some way to nourish me via an artificial bell button. I told her a bunch of medical bs to make it seem like it was the truth. I even told her that my parents saved up a lot of money so that they could afford to get me plastic surgery for a belly button so that I wouldn't feel so self conscious about not being like all of the normal teens. She was so disturbed by it that I couldn't keep it going and had to tell her that I was just teasing her. Poor girl, lol. But she took it like a champ. And we became best friends.

zombieslayer83 19

#86, That is awesome! I love that y'all became best friends. A lot of my friends were met in that way. Have your next trainee look for a left handed screw driver. Took my buddy, like 40 minutes before he realized.

Tali147 16

At one of my jobs we locked all newbies in the freezer for like 15 seconds. Just long enough for them to realize that they were trapped and freak out a little bit.

Could just be joking.....

dhenri 9

Please stop making so much sense!!!

untouchable763 10

At least you have a job :)