Work: Today, I started a new job. The synopsis of my training was,... - FML

Nearly

28/09/2021 01:05

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56

You deserved it 5

27/09/2021 06:27

Today, I have to get up and go to work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57

You deserved it 105

Spicy

Spicy

Nice try, though

By Anonymous - 16/10/2021 20:00

Spicy

Today, I bought a $100 Victoria's Secret gift card for an ex who I still have a thing for, only to find out she started dating someone else a week ago. I just realized I bought lingerie for her to wear for someone else. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31

You deserved it 215

Unfriended

By thethrowawayplace - 15/10/2021 17:00

Spicy

Today, my friend was watching a black guy getting yelled at by the cops on TV. He then decided to yell, "Wow, ni***** really don't know how to behave!" When I didn't react, he yelled it over and over, until I slunk into my room. He knows I'm part black. FML

I agree, your life sucks 711

You deserved it 123

26/04/2016 05:04

Today, I started a new job. The synopsis of my training was, "You're starting a job you're going to hate and you'll be fired for entertaining yourself while waiting for us to give you more work. But you're going to love being here." FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 446

You deserved it 1 895

Vulture

Money, well, get back, I'm alright Jack…

Batman

26/02/2012 13:53

Today, I gave my little brother my iPhone so he could play a game. I soon forgot about it, and when I got it back two hours later, there was pudding and a couple of big cracks in it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 059

You deserved it 30 796

11/07/2012 17:54

Today, I tried to trim my dog's nails. After about a half hour of barking, biting, and general freaking out, I gave up and decided to pay someone else to do it. I'm a vet, and do this for a living. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 449

You deserved it 6 408

08/11/2009 02:13

Today, I went to a petting zoo with my niece and nephew. While we were checking out the llamas, one of them spit directly into my face. Disgusted and embarrassed, we turned away to pet a deer. The deer immediately urinated then shook its tail which splattered it into my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 508

You deserved it 3 556

Heated gaming moment

By Anonymous - 15/02/2017 22:00

Today, I went to my boyfriend's house after working a night shift. The door was locked and, so I wouldn't wake his parents, I called him. Twelve times. Each call went to voicemail and I was left standing outside in the freezing rain until he finally let me in. What was he doing? Playing video games. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 813

You deserved it 1 181

30/05/2010 04:01

Today, I was spelling T-R-E-A-T to my fiancé so that the dog wouldn't understand what I was talking about. Turns out, neither could my fiancé. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 915

You deserved it 5 540

23/08/2018 21:30

Today, I received the gifts of my period, diarrhea, severe dizziness and double vision, and an ant infestation in my home. These were followed by the glaring absence of any gifts from my husband. Happy 40th to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 113

You deserved it 213

08/04/2009 06:08

Today, my boss informed me that it is now my responsibility to wash the dishes, since my co-workers are consistently too lazy to clean up after themselves. I have a bachelor's degree. Which I earned at the same university I now work at. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 292

You deserved it 6 041

07/09/2014 21:05

Today, I started my first teaching job ever. As I was teaching, another teacher interrupted my class about 5 times because she thought it was her class. Not only did she ruin my confidence, her behavior caused my students to laugh at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 570

You deserved it 2 952

It's the new thing!

By Squeakyclean - 23/08/2021 08:01

Today, my 14 year-old daughter threw a massive fit over showering. She dislodged the shower curtain rod and threatened to beat us with it if we ever force her to shower again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 848

You deserved it 161

14/10/2016 06:04

Today, I just received the king-sized bed I'd ordered. My boyfriend moved out two days ago when we broke up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 162

You deserved it 1 197

24/01/2009 19:05

Today, I have an auto immune disease which causes my penis to look like a tie-dye t shirt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 232

You deserved it 2 741

31/01/2011 17:35

Spicy

Today, my fiancé ended our engagement, saying he wanted to have "one last quickie" for the road. He saw nothing wrong with that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 917

You deserved it 4 019

14/01/2017 22:00

Today, in an attempt to keep my valuables safe, I snatched my PlayStation 4 controller from the hands of my 4-year-old nephew. Not knowing that it was connected, I ultimately yanked the PlayStation and the HD Flatscreen flat on their faces. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 062

You deserved it 7 748

30/06/2011 00:04

Today, I was making pudding and accidentally spilt some on the floor. I had no idea until I slipped in it, throwing the bowl of pudding on my head. My mom promised to take me to the hospital as soon as she got a picture. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 912

You deserved it 5 594

28/02/2012 00:37

Today, my friend and I were playing football in the street, when out of nowhere a homeless man sucker punches me in the gut, grabs my football, and runs away laughing like a maniac. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 509

You deserved it 3 030

16/07/2015 19:22

Today, I accidentally texted the girl I like, "Oh god, I just choked on a boner." I meant bone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 776

You deserved it 4 962

28/05/2009 01:40

Today, my mom informed me that she wouldn't be joining the rest of the girls in the limo ride to the church for my wedding ceremony because she wants to have her car with her. Why? Because she is planning to leave my wedding reception half way through to go home and take her dog out to pee. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 621

You deserved it 4 972

12/01/2016 18:04

Today, my girlfriend launched her own business. I was recently laid off from my job, so I offered to be her very first employee. I now have the glamorous job of bleaching people's assholes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 870

You deserved it 6 920

02/07/2019 20:00

Today, I asked my boyfriend, who loves board games, to give me advice on a board game I'm making. I ended up crying in the fetal position. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 417

You deserved it 431

18/01/2015 16:34

Today, after the longest time, I went to the gym. I ran and ran and ran on the treadmill for an eternity, beating myself up for getting so overweight. Then I tripped and fell off, sweating and sobbing for being so useless. When I looked up, I saw I'd been on the machine for barely 2 minutes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 882

You deserved it 20 630

04/12/2009 05:12

Today, I found out that my father asked my best friend to marry him. He's 38 and we're 18. She said yes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 705

You deserved it 3 226

06/11/2009 17:50

Today, my girlfriend of three years broke up with me because she found a lot of red lipstick on my neck. The red lipstick was from her lipstick because she came over in the middle of the night when she was really drunk, then left. She refuses to listen to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 155

You deserved it 3 186

13/12/2012 02:14

Today, my drunk girlfriend maxed out my credit card, on an "authentic" Jesus Christ autograph on eBay. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 804

You deserved it 5 377

25/10/2010 02:16

Today, I heard on the news that the average debt one is in when they graduate college is $24,000. I've been in college for one year and my debt is already $20,000. And it turns out that my school's accreditation does not exist like I was told. $20,000 in debt and no college credits to show for it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 073

You deserved it 7 733

Freaked out

By Anonymous - 30/04/2021 23:02

Today, I told my girlfriend that one of my intellectually challenged friends now holds an engineering position at an aircraft company. She wasn't a fan of flying before, and now refuses to set foot anywhere near any aircraft of any kind. FML

I agree, your life sucks 646

You deserved it 202

02/09/2011 06:54

Today, my neighbor declared his love for me via "the medium of interpretative dance." FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 612

You deserved it 3 235

18/02/2018 05:00

Today, my girlfriend told me that I have “too much foreskin” and that I’d need to get circumcised if we were going to stay together. I’m already circumcised. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 549

You deserved it 365

21/01/2011 23:02

Today, when taking a group picture with my closest friends, a passing parent congratulated us on getting into the same university for next year. She's wrong. They're all going to Cambridge, except for me. I was rejected. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 985

You deserved it 5 907

07/03/2011 16:17

Today, I flipped out when I saw a centipede. I screamed, very loudly and in a very high voice. My girlfriend came into the room, stomped on it, picked it up and threw it in the trashcan. I apologized to her for the scene and all she said was, "I'm used to it." FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 662

You deserved it 41 574

Eyebleach

By Lexxxiii - 22/12/2020 23:02

Today, while delivering an Amazon package, I arrived to this one house where the man was outside, so I just handed it to him. As he was reaching for it, his robe popped open. Twice. He was wearing nothing but the robe, and he was your typical fat, hairy, 40-year-old man. My poor eyes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 907

You deserved it 128

19/09/2009 19:05

Today, was my birthday. I asked for a camera - nothing fancy, just a basic digital camera. My mother bought my brother a fancy digital camera, with all the accessories, for over £200. She then gave me his old, analogue camera, that I can't get film for anymore. He hates taking photos. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 094

You deserved it 3 051

Not prepared enough

By Anonymous - 09/11/2020 05:01

Today, I had a maths test and I realised that I'd studied the wrong topics. The teacher said the test would be difficult and I stayed up till 1 a.m. just to be prepared. FML

I agree, your life sucks 674

You deserved it 479

05/09/2018 08:30

Today, my mother-in-law insisted we go to a baby clothing store. When I reminded her that I don’t want children, she sat on the floor, crying, kicking and screaming. She then said I was denying her grandchildren because I hate her. Well, I didn’t... FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 537

You deserved it 171

30/01/2010 19:21

Today, I accidentally emailed the entire company everyone's salary, sales history, and the names of four people I intended to fire. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 789

You deserved it 48 848

Plumbed out

By MariosNightmare - 18/12/2020 07:57

Today, what should've been a five-minute job replacing a drain turned into a 2 hour ordeal just to remove the old one. The original part was put in incorrectly, so whoever did it used a full tube of silicone to make it watertight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 833

You deserved it 48

08/11/2012 14:36

Today, I'm at work on a construction site for a high rise building, on the 12th floor today. I've developed a severe case of the runs, causing me to need to rush to the nearest toilet periodically. Luckily for me it's conveniently located on the ground floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 313

You deserved it 1 725

13/05/2012 02:21

Today, I attended a formal banquet. The host was delivering a speech, when I felt the urge to pee, so I tried to quietly excuse myself. My chair screeched over the floor as I got up, I tripped over my own feet, and I accidentally took the door leading outdoors, where I ended up peeing in shame. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 378

You deserved it 4 338

Smart kid

By my_way_1213 - 09/06/2018 20:30

Today, at 2 in the afternoon, I walked in on my 6-year-old making coffee. When I asked what he was doing, he said, "You were being grumpy, and you said coffee makes you not so grumpy." FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 231

You deserved it 3 678

05/03/2010 05:23

Today, my boss fired me because I "didn't get the right kind of coffee beans." FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 002

You deserved it 3 820

21/11/2012 18:16

Today, I have a final for my precalculus class. After hours of studying this week, I felt pretty optimistic. Until I got to class and realized that I'd forgotten my calculator. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 189

You deserved it 7 630

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Tuesday 26 April 2016 18:22

Keep pestering them to give you work. They can't fire you for that.

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Tuesday 26 April 2016 18:23

How can you both hate it, and love it? Or do they mean that you'll hate the job, but love the workplace?

Comments

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Tuesday 26 April 2016 18:21

"Sound like my kind of job!" said no one ever.

DeadxManxWalking 27

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Tuesday 26 April 2016 18:21

why would you get fired for entertainment, if you don't have any work?

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Tuesday 26 April 2016 23:38

Using work resources to do something non-work related. The company is then paying you to do other stuff which may make them liable from other colleagues who don't get the same privilege

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Tuesday 26 April 2016 18:22

Keep pestering them to give you work. They can't fire you for that.

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Wednesday 27 April 2016 1:38

Well, technically, they can still fire OP, except in that case they won't have a good reason. I know lots of people who were fired because a new manager, i.e., didn't like their face, no matter how hard they worked.

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Wednesday 27 April 2016 2:42

If pestering is seen as a form of entertainment.

wanderingvirus 6

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Wednesday 27 April 2016 3:05

They can file a grievance and get their jobs back if that happens and the company would get in serious shit from the labour board

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Tuesday 26 April 2016 18:23

How can you both hate it, and love it? Or do they mean that you'll hate the job, but love the workplace?

angelnursery 18

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Tuesday 26 April 2016 21:34

Hate the job, love working in the company I'm guessing. Maybe it's a good environment or they get nice bonuses?

Subcontinent 14

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Tuesday 26 April 2016 18:31

Surely they're wasting their own time and money if employees on the clock are standing around "waiting for work"

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Tuesday 26 April 2016 18:41

Wait, did you get fired?

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Tuesday 26 April 2016 18:58

Quit and do something you love

nitrojunky24 10

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Tuesday 26 April 2016 19:00

Sounds like a shitty job I would keep looking if I where you.

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Tuesday 26 April 2016 19:05

They sound so motivational..

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Tuesday 26 April 2016 19:06

Sounds like you're going to have a fun time, OP. I'm terribly sorry.