Work: Today, I started a new job. I'm now trapped in a small office... - FML

By Anonymous - 12/12/2012 02:53 - United States - New Orleans

Today, I started a new job. I'm now trapped in a small office with a woman who says, "Oh my gravy!" constantly. In response to everything. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 465

You deserved it 2 193

Late term

Money, well, get back, I'm alright Jack…

Dysfunctional

By ELK - 18/07/2018 15:00

Today, having played golf for 15 years, I had my first hole in one. I was playing by myself. There were no witnesses. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 831

You deserved it 351

By but i make different stiffies - 05/01/2013 00:33 - United States - Parker

Today, while on a first date with a charming guy, I excused myself to the bathroom. I tried to bring my purse along, since my pads were in there, and mother nature was calling. He vehemently insisted that I leave my purse, in case I was planning on stiffing him on the bill. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 008

You deserved it 2 697

By Anonymous - 15/01/2011 14:38 - United States

Today, I found out my dad has a folder full of baby pictures and things that I drew when I was younger, labeled "Shit from when Annie was cute." FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 426

You deserved it 3 942

Mommy's bravest little boy

By Anonymous - 19/05/2020 20:00

Today, my boyfriend of 9 months asked me to park in a parallel street from where he lives when dropping him off. Why? Because his mom might see me. He's 32. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 451

You deserved it 296

By MotherNatureMustDie - 27/10/2009 12:32 - South Africa

Today, my telephone line was hit by lightning. I discovered that not only will lightning fry a router, it will also destroy any PCs connected to that router via network cables. I also discovered that a $10 phone line surge protector would have saved nearly $3,000 worth of PC equipment. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 945

You deserved it 38 491

Silver linings

By Anonymous - 15/08/2021 00:01

Today, I finally found something to be thankful for in my lonely life: At least I don’t have to panic whenever my period is late. FML

I agree, your life sucks 716

You deserved it 79

By sadlysingle - 21/02/2014 08:04 - United States - Rockwall

Spicy

Today, I received a response to my perfectly straightforward online dating profile: "How about changing a dirty diaper, mommy?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 601

You deserved it 5 948

Nightmare mother

By scared shirtless - 18/03/2021 20:01

Today, for the fifth time in a row, I woke up screaming from a nightmare. My mother burst into my room, leaned in real close and said, "So help me god, if you do not stop fucking screaming, I will rip your arms off and beat you with them." I’m never sleeping again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 021

You deserved it 190

By DoesNotLikeCubes - 06/07/2009 20:08 - Qatar

Today, I spent 3 hours looking at a youtube video for how to do rubik's cube. Even after being told how to do it, I couldn't finish it. I scroll down at the comments and read "Awesome! I'm 10 and can do it in 3 minutes now!". I'm 28 and still couldn't get it, even with a guide. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 557

You deserved it 10 983

By Jake - 28/09/2010 17:35 - United States

Today, I took a girl I like to the movies. Everything went great until I went in to kiss her. She didn't object, but my mother, who apparently followed me to the theater and was now pulling me away by my shirt while saying, "We're leaving!" certainly did. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 831

You deserved it 3 443

By :/ - 03/12/2012 01:57 - United States - Moreno Valley

Today, I finally summoned the courage to ask my dad to pay me as he promised, after I cut the lawn and cleaned all the house windows last week. His response was, "Get fucked." FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 030

You deserved it 3 268

No end in sight

By Anonymous - 15/02/2021 11:01 - Sweden - Skellefte?

Today, my city is in the news because of a huge Covid outbreak in a factory that's under construction. They have over a thousand workers and refuse to shut down to stop the spread. FML

I agree, your life sucks 768

You deserved it 118

Sorry seems to be the harshest word

By Anonymous - 23/10/2021 11:00 - United States - Boone

Today, my girlfriend has yelled at me multiple times for saying sorry too much. It's involuntary, due to me constantly being told I never do anything right growing up by my parents. She knows this, and is even then one who helped me realize this, and still yells at me for it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 704

You deserved it 108

By Yudith - 04/06/2019 02:00

Today, at work, a customer pulled down her pants and lifted her sweater to reveal a hole in her chest full of greenish, stinky goo. I don't work in anything health-related. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 070

You deserved it 112

Due date

By NewMommy29 - 02/07/2021 00:01

Today, my sister refused to come to the hospital with the rest of my family to visit my new baby. Apparently, I’m an "attention hogging slutbag" because I "chose to go into labor" on her birthday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 125

You deserved it 94

By Thesuz - 06/09/2013 03:27 - Canada - Edmonton

Today, my neighbour was practicing his opera singing, drunk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 589

You deserved it 3 307

By windthroughmyflab - 13/05/2015 23:19 - United States

Today, I stuck my hand out the car window and noticed my arm fat flapping in the wind. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 670

You deserved it 10 424

Shameless

By lying fuck! - 22/06/2020 14:02

Spicy

Today, I walked into my husband's office and accidentally interrupted his business call to tell him dinner was ready. Silly me, I didn’t realize his "business call" included Skyping with his topless ex, with his pants down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 921

You deserved it 163

By Jesska - 03/09/2010 19:59 - United States

Today, I was applying Icy Hot. I squeezed the bottle too hard making it squirt in my eye. I ran to the bathroom in agony, turned on the faucet, and slammed my face right into it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 172

You deserved it 7 059

By Anonymous - 06/07/2009 01:49 - United States

Today, I took my girlfriend to Taco Bell since it's her favorite place to eat. I thought it'd be cute to get one of the sauce packets that says "Will you marry me?" on it and give it to her all cute-like. She thought it was adorable. While we were leaving, she threw it out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 936

You deserved it 25 861

Jealousy

By princess_stabitty - 01/08/2020 08:01

Today, my boss's husband came over to our office, and as a by the way comment told our boss my make-up looks good and suits me. The thing is, I've never worn make-up to work, and obviously, he never told his wife, my boss, that she looks good with make-up on. I'm fucked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 528

You deserved it 163

By crosscountryfatigue - 19/09/2018 12:00

Today, with one week left until I fly to my new apartment, movers loaded my belongings and happily drove off. They even loaded my unpacked, inflated air mattress. Looks like I'm sleeping on the floor for a week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 525

You deserved it 361

By Can'tAgeOrMakeFriends - 12/01/2013 01:11 - United States

Today, I was yet again asked to show my hall pass. I'm 23 and work at a middle school. I've worked here for the last five months, so not only do I look 13 years old, I'm also not memorable enough for my own coworkers to recognize me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 118

You deserved it 3 184

Getting wet, but not in the good way

By Boyufd - 28/06/2020 02:02

Today, it's been the fourth day in the row my pregnant girlfriend peed the bed. It's also the fourth day I have to clean it since she's too embarrassed to do it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 403

You deserved it 367

By shroomda - 29/06/2009 07:29 - United States

Today, I called my Dad to wish him happy birthday. The phone was disconnected, so I called my sister to see what his cell was. She then informed me that our Dad was in jail for selling shrooms to teenagers at a music festival out of state. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 040

You deserved it 3 384

Good night, sleep tight

By jjkk - 23/01/2021 05:02

Today, I have been trying to stop sleeping during the day, so I decided to clean my room to keep myself awake. Four hours later, I woke up on the floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 725

You deserved it 110

What's in a name?

By charlatan - 19/08/2018 01:30

Today, I asked out the girl of my dreams. She asked me what year I was born in, then brutally rejected me. Apparently it's because my name wasn't in the top 20 baby names for my birth year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 892

You deserved it 216

By ashley_skillz06 - 24/01/2010 05:21 - France

Today, I went to a Japanese restaurant. While the chef is throwing food at us, I'm getting ready for my turn. He tosses the piece of broccoli at me, I lean back to catch it, completely falling off my chair. I knocked everything over and had the packed restaurant laughing at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 271

You deserved it 7 365

By Anonymous - 04/11/2009 21:42 - United States

Today, I drove three and a half hours to surprise my long distance boyfriend for our anniversary. He was out of town. Where was he? Three and a half hours away trying to surprise me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 515

You deserved it 8 126

By so much pain... - 09/12/2017 09:00 - United States - Collegeville

Today, I tried to fight my girlfriend’s ex-boyfriend because she told me he used to beat her. Turns out, she was lying to “impress” me, and her ex has a black belt in taekwondo. I’m in excruciating pain right now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 026

You deserved it 4 679

By crazy_bitch122 - 29/06/2011 05:13 - United States

Spicy

Today, while making love, he farted. And blamed it on his dog, who wasn't even in the room. The smell alone could have killed me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 488

You deserved it 6 277

Awks

By Anonymous - 23/10/2009 04:56 - Australia

Today, while trying on a dress, my sister came up behind me and poked my back, asking, “What have you stuck down your dress?” I hadn’t put anything down the back of my dress; it was just my back fat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 597

You deserved it 10 037

By cul8erqtpie20 - 03/01/2012 16:35 - United States

Today, I found out my roomie has lost her only source of income. This means I'm responsible for all the bills and the rent. I would kick her out and get someone else, but she's my mother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 209

You deserved it 4 701

By ConfusedFiancé - 29/10/2017 22:00

Today, I stumbled across my boyfriend's tumblr page. I've known him for years and never knew he had one. Being curious, I decided to give it a look, only to be ambushed by a wall of furry porn. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 175

You deserved it 814

By Jer - 15/07/2013 23:36 - United States - Louisville

Today, I knocked over a display case at a mall, shattering hundreds of dollars in goods. Embarrassed, I tried to scurry out of the nearest door without being seen. I scuttled right into the janitor's closet, the door automatically locking behind me. I waited for an hour to be let out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 042

You deserved it 48 649

By Falcon - 09/02/2012 06:42 - United States

Today, I had to pee in the kitchen sink because my bathroom is being completely revamped, and the only other toilet in the house is my parents'. They refuse to let anyone use it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 396

You deserved it 2 808

By Chucho - 01/09/2012 13:58 - United States - Boston

Today, my mom told me that she rather wait for the city bus all day, than allow me to give her a ride. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 511

You deserved it 3 637

By fuckmyplums - 07/02/2014 23:47 - Austria - Grossarl

Today, I worked up the nerve to ask my boss for a raise. Today is also the day I found out my boss has a shitlist of employees he wants to fire, and that I'm now on it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 326

You deserved it 4 623

By skyplaysguitar - 30/07/2012 05:56 - United States - Las Cruces

Spicy

Today, due to my boyfriend teasing me about me possibly having been conceived on a beach because I was born in Hawaii, I finally asked my mom if I really was. She said no, but then told me in detail how much sex on a beach hurts when you get sand up your ass. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 993

You deserved it 6 413

By NotAnUglyBaby - 22/03/2016 22:40 - Mexico - C?rdoba

Today, while vacationing, a small boy asked to see the baby I was holding, wrapped in a blanket. I showed him, and his face reflexively scrunched up. The boy's mother came and apologized to me. Her face scrunched up too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 282

You deserved it 1 899

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Top comments

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Wednesday 12 December 2012 8:52

New drinking game?

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Wednesday 12 December 2012 8:53

You should have said "mashed potatoes!!"

Comments

Send a private message

Wednesday 12 December 2012 8:52

New drinking game?

Send a private message

Wednesday 12 December 2012 9:42

Calling HR department: "sir, we got an intoxicated employee with his pants down, touching himself while yelling at the woman in his office that he's going to show her some real gravy" HR boss: Shit! Not again...

andiewithlove 21

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Wednesday 12 December 2012 18:04

"But...umm..."

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Wednesday 12 December 2012 18:44

Ed says gravy, but oh my gravy is just odd.

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Wednesday 12 December 2012 19:53

I hate when people lay out what they think is a humorous scenario in the comments...so annoying

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Wednesday 12 December 2012 22:40

Why is 57 getting down voted? It's a how I met your mother reference. Robin always says 'But, um.' On the local news as an anchorwoman, and college students watched it and took a shot every time she said but, um.

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Wednesday 12 December 2012 8:53

You should have said "mashed potatoes!!"

ClassyCommando 13

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Wednesday 12 December 2012 9:50

Or just mutter something like "Holy son of a bloody twat-fucking cunt shit-wanker." under your breath every time anything bad or shocking happens to make her feel really uncomfortable. When the boss is out of earshot, of course.

lesserofallevils 9

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Wednesday 12 December 2012 11:11

Son of a biscuit :/ why didn't I think of that

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Wednesday 12 December 2012 19:18

Lol my mind went straight to Brock's Dub xD

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Wednesday 12 December 2012 8:53

Oh my what? That's weird as fuck.

andiewithlove 21

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Wednesday 12 December 2012 18:11

Not that weird. My stepdad and his mom say "Lord love a duck" in place of "Oh my God".....a lot.

Pegasister_fml 5

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Friday 14 December 2012 0:58

My friend says "Fudge a duck!" ._.

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Wednesday 12 December 2012 8:54

Oh my mashed potatoes!

eb0ny 15

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Wednesday 12 December 2012 8:57

This would lead me to homocide.

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Wednesday 12 December 2012 9:50

Or to falcon punch some one and get fired loll xD

sirpantselot 22

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Wednesday 12 December 2012 10:50

You'd kill a gay person?

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Wednesday 12 December 2012 9:01

You could say "Give me some of your gravy!" or not, your choice.

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Wednesday 12 December 2012 9:02

Is her name Brenda?

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Wednesday 12 December 2012 9:35

My name is Brenda..... Oh my gravy, that is awkward.

xXxIracebethxXx 14

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Wednesday 12 December 2012 9:03

Just yell back, "OH MY GLOB!"

TheMathMajor 26

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Wednesday 12 December 2012 9:06

That's so math

xXxIracebethxXx 14

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Wednesday 12 December 2012 9:10

Yeah, it's pretty math, you psychopath!

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Wednesday 12 December 2012 9:13

What the lump?!

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Wednesday 12 December 2012 9:52

Don't encourage/provoke the beast .. She may get angry, whip out some gravy and try to eat your ass

CharresBarkrey 15

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Wednesday 12 December 2012 10:29

LSP FTW!

SystemofaBlink41 27

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Wednesday 12 December 2012 16:14

You son of a bass!

andiewithlove 21

Send a private message

Wednesday 12 December 2012 18:06

Oh my glob you guys! DRAMA BOOOOOMB!

rattusrattus 18

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Wednesday 12 December 2012 9:05

I'm reminded of Bella Swan and her 'Holy Crow!' comments...

love_isnt_enough 15

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Wednesday 12 December 2012 12:12

or DJ from Full House saying 'oh my lanta'

andiewithlove 21

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Wednesday 12 December 2012 18:07

How rude!

CharresBarkrey 15

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Wednesday 12 December 2012 22:42

You got it, dude!

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Wednesday 12 December 2012 9:11

Sounds like "Mormon swearing". Growing up Mormon and living in a small town where half the population is LDS, I've heard weird sayings like this a lot.

CharresBarkrey 15

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Wednesday 12 December 2012 10:31

My favorite Mormon curse word is "frick" (not really, I fucking hate when people say that)

PeteyPablo12308 20

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Wednesday 12 December 2012 11:20

So true! My family is LDS and my grandma always says "oh heavens to Betsy!"

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Wednesday 12 December 2012 13:49

To quote Napoleon Dynamite, "Fricking idiot, gosh!".

Link5794 18

Wednesday 12 December 2012 15:07

"Son of a gunhorse!" -Toby Turner

Nearly

Today, my maid sat me down to tell me that she doesn’t like it when me and my partner fight. We don’t like each other anymore and I keep trying to break up with him, but he won’t let me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10

You deserved it 7

Today, I was diagnosed with anorexia. My mother still keeps on calling me a fat fuck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55

You deserved it 5

Spicy

Spicy

Today, I’ve been single and lonely for so long, I looked up if it’s possible to marry your hand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 160

You deserved it 78

Today, during sex, I was getting close to climax, which is unusual for me due to personal issues. However, I got a piercing headache and had to stop. I later found out my birth control can cause sex headaches and the best way to avoid them is to avoid orgasms. FML

I agree, your life sucks 398

You deserved it 44