Today, I started a job on a building site. Halfway through, I... - FML

By theotherotherguy - 27/9/2012 05:22 - New Zealand - Auckland

Today, I started a job on a building site. Halfway through, I needed to use the toilet. One of the builders said there were two of them; one was "OK" and the other was "nasty." The first one I walked into had the foulest stench imaginable. Apparently, that was the "OK" one. FML

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Serious times

Breaking Badly

Not a cheating!

By Foxy Lady - 29/9/2018 12:00

Today, I had to help train a new employee at the register. It got busy so I had to take my eyes off her for a few minutes. At that time she managed to let someone walk out with $150 worth of fabric. I couldn't catch the customer. FML

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By - 13/11/2008 03:01 - France

Today, I scratched my cornea and have to wear a large bandage covering my eye. I'm off today, but I'll probably have to wear it to school tomorrow. FML

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By itsdezzz - 9/3/2016 23:43 - United States - Hatfield

Today, I noticed a customer looking for expired products in hopes of receiving a coupon from my store. I told them to let me know if they found anything. They promptly began following me around, telling me how to do my job, only to later file a complaint saying that I was harassing them. FML

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By criley - 24/6/2014 01:56 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, an attractive guy approached me and struck up a conversation. He was friendly and sweet, and gave me his number. As I walked away, my first thought was that someone had played a cruel joke on me. I've had such awful relationships that I can't recognize when someone is actually being sincere. FML

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By Anonymous - 16/3/2013 20:04 - United States - Piscataway

Today, I asked a traffic cop if it was okay to park my car briefly in a Monday to Friday only parking spot, since it's Saturday. She politely replied I could. I came back less than ten minutes later, only to find a parking ticket stuck to my windshield. FML

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By weliveanddie14 - 7/5/2009 20:27 - United States

Today, I was at the library. I went near the computer section when I saw this man cursing and pounding his fists on a computer. He left. I thought I'd check it out. As I sat down, a librarian came over with the security guard and pointed at me. I'm now being fined for destroying public property. FML

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By Anonymous - 18/12/2010 01:28 - Canada

Today, as I got to my first class seat on an airplane, I saw the person I'd be sitting next to wafting the smell of her vagina towards herself and breathing in deeply. It's an eight hour flight. FML

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By Quasimodo - 18/10/2013 12:40 - Norway - Ytre Arna

Today, I was pushed off of a glacier by a very angry tourist. Why? I work as a glacier guide, and apparently some people find it overly frustrating to be informed that there isn't a café on the glacier. FML

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By Gitana - 22/4/2012 19:08 - Spain - Tafalla

Today, I was trying on some clothes in the store's changing room, when someone reached under the door and grabbed my purse, shoes, and pants. FML

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By Nottheprettylady - 5/4/2009 01:07 - Canada

Today, at my job as a cashier, a man and his 3-year old son got in line. The father said, "Give this to the pretty lady," looking at me. The kid looks at me, looks at his dad, and walks over to the next cashier. FML

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By Anonymous - 24/7/2019 05:00 - United States - El Paso

Today, I was cutting potatoes. I was cutting them slowly, being careful, but my mom told me to cut faster, that I wouldn't cut myself. I cut myself. FML

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By ouch - 9/8/2009 01:56 - Brazil

Today, while entering the building I live in, I walked into my neighbor who winked at me and said last night must have been great. After I asked why, he said he could hear my girlfriend moaning and screaming, and that I must be pretty good at it. I was just coming back from a week overseas. FML

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By not even interested - 15/10/2017 16:00

Today, at a wedding reception, I accidentally caught the bouquet. I got cussed out by the women who were fighting over it for being uninvited and party crashing. I'm a busgirl and the bouquet only landed on the tray I was holding. FML

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By Misky - 2/7/2012 02:51

Today, I was walking past a homeless guy while smoking; he asked if he could have a cigarette. So I gave him one and said without thinking, "Sorry, it’s a menthol, but beggars can't be choosers." FML

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By LukeyBoy - 9/11/2011 10:57 - United Kingdom

Today, I was walking down the road when a twat on a quad-bike smashed into my leg. It seems that I should've been "walking on the right side of the pavement." FML

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By throwinguptears - 2/11/2016 14:30 - United States - Marlborough

Today, after $87, waiting five months and making sure everything was perfect, I was ready to go see my favorite comedian live. I got the flu. FML

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By Depressed - 17/5/2016 23:16 - United States - Collierville

Today, I got a call from the head of my school dance committee saying that the dance was cancelled and the services originally hired were still expecting to be paid. The reason the dance got cancelled? One of the girls on the committee's parents wouldn't let her buy her dream dress. FML

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By Elephant1718 - 12/6/2013 01:16 - United States - The Dalles

Today, I was looking forward to my only day to sleep-in this month while I'm balancing school and work. I was rudely awakened at 6 am by my sister and her friend trying to make pancakes, burning them, and setting off the fire alarm in my house for half an hour. FML

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By Kryometric - 29/3/2015 06:38 - United States - Coupeville

Today, with the experience of sitting behind someone on a roller coaster, I found out pee is affected by gravity. FML

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By Anonymous - 20/11/2011 00:21 - United States

Today, I went outside for a cigarette since I don't like smoking in the house. When I was done, I stomped it out. I wasn't wearing shoes. FML

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By tkr - 6/2/2012 03:14 - United Kingdom

Today, I jokingly told my boyfriend that he should sing that song that goes 'I'm too sexy for my shirt' when we have sex. Now, every time that we have sex, that song is going to be stuck in my head. FML

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By nycgirl424 - 5/2/2009 22:29 - United States

Today, my boyfriend of 2 years sent me a text messages saying, "Don't worry I'm gonna break up with her soon. Love you." FML

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By Nastiaa - 15/2/2009 15:49 - Estonia

Today, I was a host during kids' event. I did my job and started to do some funny moves to entertain the kids. I was wearing a top with a really low cut. Then noticed that all the children were pointing at me happily and adults looked surprised. Then I noticed that both my boobs had popped out. FML

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By Haitwun - 8/12/2014 02:18 - United States - El Monte

Today, my girlfriend decided to treat me out to dinner and cake for my birthday. My mom felt left out and yelled at my girlfriend in an angry tirade. My girlfriend went home. I'm spending my birthday, alone in my room. FML

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By happymum - 30/9/2011 11:10 - Netherlands

Today, I lost my watch at the pool. After giving a detailed description of it at the desk, I was really happy to hear someone had found it and handed it in. Too bad I was too late, because someone had already claimed it. FML

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By Sad Mom - 25/7/2015 02:04 - United States - Wylie

Today, I pulled several socks from under my son's bed. I spent far too long trying to figure out why they were so stiff before I finally realized. FML

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By Anonymous - 16/1/2011 07:49 - United States

Today, I was sitting on the bus when a good looking girl accidentally brushed her ass up against my shoulder as she walked past. This only made me realize that this has been the closest I've come to touching a girls ass in over a year. FML

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By eggonmiface - 1/7/2018 15:00

Today, I made scrambled eggs. Returning the rest of the carton, I tripped and spilled 10 raw eggs all over the inside of the fridge. The same fridge I spent 2 hours cleaning and scrubbing every drawer and shelf of yesterday. FML

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By not outdoorsy - 10/7/2020 14:02

The call of the wild

Today, I haven’t been camping since I was a kid. I decided to give it another shot. I bought all the best equipment, researched all the great locations, planned a whole weekend. Turns out I still fucking hate camping and now I’m out over $400. FML

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By AintEasyBeinWheezy - 28/4/2016 18:26 - United States

Today, while driving me to the hospital because I was having an asthma attack, my mother lit a cigarette. FML

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By :( - 2/3/2016 14:13 - United States - Saint Paul

Today, I had a Chinese test. Our teacher decided to wait until yesterday to tell us about it because she "knew" we wouldn't study anyway and she didn't want to stress us out. I'm pretty sure I failed. FML

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By Jess - 30/5/2009 12:48 - United States

Today, I overheard my 5 year old daughter call a girl in her dance class a slut. Shocked, I asked her where she heard that word. Her response: "I heard you and Daddy say it about her Mommy." FML

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By spreadburger - 21/11/2014 00:29 - United States - Tampa

Today, my co-worker threw a rubber mallet at my face, and I broke my finger in the process of saving my face. She then told me to "take it up with HR, bitch". She's the HR manager. FML

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By Anonymous - 31/3/2014 04:43 - United States - Brooklyn

Today, I was at a wedding reception with loud music. A guy told me that his sister couldn't be there because she "went home to be with her boy." I said, "That's too bad, she's missing a great party." He paused and repeated, "She went home to be with her LORD." FML

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By Anonymous - 25/10/2014 02:53 - United States - Naples

Today, my mom called and casually let me know she'd wrecked my iPad after putting it in the dryer with my bed sheets. FML

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By Anonymous - 3/12/2009 09:47 - Canada

Today, my very traditional grandmother has decided it's time for me to get married to Kevin. She's called half the town and informed them of the good news. I'm 17. I've never met Kevin. FML

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By Sarahir - 29/4/2020 05:00

Classic Dave

Today, I walked in on my husband masturbating into the kitchen sink. FML

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By mster233 - 9/10/2010 03:29 - United States

Today, I found out that my parents like rough sex. I found the whip and handcuffs. FML

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By Anonymous - 10/6/2014 15:05 - Malaysia - Kuala Lumpur

Today, I got cited for "internet plagiarism" and called to the dean's office. I'd been sitting a closed-book written exam, and my teacher had been breathing down my neck the whole time. FML

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By LyricalTragedy - 16/12/2016 00:08

Today, I saw my father for the first time in two years. He felt compelled to tell me about how he got involved with a BDSM group and got an STD because of it. FML

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Top comments

By Krirn | 21

#4977487 - Thursday 27 September 2012 12:06

As long as you're a guy, its okay to use at a distance.

By coconutdaydream | 7

#4977491 - Thursday 27 September 2012 12:07

Just dig a hole in the ground

COMMENTS

By Krirn | 21

#4977487 - Thursday 27 September 2012 12:06

As long as you're a guy, its okay to use at a distance.

Reply

Mister_Triangle | 21

#4977534 - Thursday 27 September 2012 12:18

Not if you've gotta go #2. No amount of foul stenches will motivate you to squeeze the cheeks hard enough to make your shit soar

Reply

Krirn | 21

#4977547 - Thursday 27 September 2012 12:22

You need to watch the "Volcano" scene from Jackass 3

Reply

NickyK | 25

#4977556 - Thursday 27 September 2012 12:25

If you gotta do #1.. Some distance sniping is perfectly fine!

Reply

Drigr | 9

#4977608 - Thursday 27 September 2012 12:56

Hopefully OP was smart enough to check the other, the distance may not be neccesary. Or am I the only one that thinks it could be the "new guy on the job" prank to send them to the nasty one and call it the OK one?

Reply

BeachBoi_Alex | 7

#4977687 - Thursday 27 September 2012 13:27

Man up.

Reply

onlychildFTW | 33

#4978802 - Thursday 27 September 2012 20:03

Hold it in or invest in some diapers in case its impossible to hold it in anymore. That's gross. I'd just hold it in until my day was done.

By coconutdaydream | 7

#4977491 - Thursday 27 September 2012 12:07

Just dig a hole in the ground

By Rynk95 | 11

#4977501 - Thursday 27 September 2012 12:09

Imagine what the nasty toilet must look and smell like!

Reply

Rynk95 | 11

#4977531 - Thursday 27 September 2012 12:17

I know - I just like kicking in open doors.

Reply

Mister_Triangle | 21

#4977543 - Thursday 27 September 2012 12:19

You could at least have the courtesy to knock first.

Reply

Krirn | 21

#4977570 - Thursday 27 September 2012 12:27

10 - I don't have any proof or statistics to back up my assumption, but I think it would've just been thumbed down.

By perdix | 29

#4977511 - Thursday 27 September 2012 12:15

Well, you're going to have to expand your imagination and come up with an even fouler stench, because the OK toilet may be occupied when nature calls.

Reply

LiesAndMischief | 4

#4977965 - Thursday 27 September 2012 15:45

Oh no, screw that. I would just hold it until the first bathroom was free, I'm squicky enough with germs as it is. xD

Reply

mimi_animee | 18

#4980069 - Friday 28 September 2012 3:30

This is why as soon as I enter a bathroom I stop breathing through my nose so that I don't have to endure the horrible stench.

By saIty | 17

#4977520 - Thursday 27 September 2012 12:16

Of course, they're not going to give a newbie the clean toilet. You must first prove you are worthy.

By sjdbeinska | 4

#4977541 - Thursday 27 September 2012 12:19

what he didn't mention was the third one where you had to dig yourself a hole

Reply

Nabee143 | 3

#4978066 - Thursday 27 September 2012 16:11

From the sound of it, I think I would rather dig a hole in the ground and squat right there than use those disgusting toilets! I have a really bad gag reflex so I'm pretty sure I would be puking my brains out from the smell. Gross!

Reply

aksweetheart | 7

#4979439 - Friday 28 September 2012 1:26

27, at least you would be near a toilet :D

By skippymagee | 5

#4977580 - Thursday 27 September 2012 12:35

Well... That blows. Good luck.

By julian_brunt | 4

#4977594 - Thursday 27 September 2012 12:47

if u work on a building dite any toilet is a bonus, we used to have to drop trou anywhere, usually in someones hard hat

By bReLiNg | 18

#4977673 - Thursday 27 September 2012 13:23

Maybe you will accidentally knock over the "nasty" toilet with some machinery- therefore the company must get a new one. Or, they will say "too bad, deal with one" it's a long shot...

By DocBastard | 38

#4977678 - Thursday 27 September 2012 13:25

You're a man - the world is your urinal.

Reply

ColdplaySucks | 18

#4978479 - Thursday 27 September 2012 18:35

Until you need to take a dump.

But thats what leaves are for.