Work: Today, I spent my day creating a new type of laugh, and performing... - FML

By annoym - 21/02/2012 11:49 - United States

Today, I spent my day creating a new type of laugh, and performing it in my head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 126

You deserved it 13 948

Another great day to be alive

Damn kids!

Asshat

By Anonymous - 26/04/2012 19:17 - Ireland - Dublin

Today, I decided not to wear any makeup. I got told 13 times at work that I looked ill. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 662

You deserved it 6 746

Fight yoga, try stress

By Dawn - 12/08/2021 08:01

Today, I went to a yoga class, thinking it would be good for my stiff calf from running. I pulled my back out doing the downward dog. Now can't get out of bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 719

You deserved it 122

By dirtbikeguy - 23/07/2015 13:05 - United States - Chicago

Today, I had a dream about a giant spider crawling around in my mouth. I woke up to find that dreams sometimes do come true. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 115

You deserved it 1 968

By Person15 - 26/11/2011 23:13 - United States

Today, I was at the mall and started singing along to the playing of "I Want a Hippopotamus for Christmas." A kid glanced at me and said to her mom, "She IS a hippopotamus." FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 317

You deserved it 10 437

By Anonymous - 02/09/2014 21:29 - United States - Atlanta

Today, I found out that my girlfriend takes videos of me sleeping and watches them with her friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 810

You deserved it 3 544

By Anonymous - 26/12/2009 03:13 - United States

Today, my father went out to get batteries for the remote control helicopter I bought him for Christmas. In his excitement, he backed his truck into my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 044

You deserved it 2 911

Helping hand

By Anonymous - 29/07/2020 05:01

Today, my granny has been constipated for the past two days. She is too weak to get out of bed, so I ended up trying to dig the poop out of her butthole with a spoon. Yay me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 678

You deserved it 263

Hopeless

By Anonymous - 18/11/2019 20:00

Spicy

Today, my wife of 2 years told me she was pregnant, after we've been trying for ages. Excited, about to call my parents, then, my wife told me, "Don't get your hopes up it might not be yours, the father could be 5 other guys." And then asked me what I'd like for dinner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 014

You deserved it 306

By Anonymous - 28/07/2019 06:00

Today, I learned I'm getting kicked out of the house for NOT dropping out of college. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 960

You deserved it 128

By pheonixxe - 01/06/2015 22:45 - United States - Sheridan

Today, frustrated with my very energetic kids, I told them that if they dug a hole deep enough in the backyard, they'd find China. What they really found was the previous owner's dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 863

You deserved it 8 221

By Anonymous - 07/10/2016 20:22 - Switzerland

Today, the cat climbed up to the spice shelf while I was cooking. As I looked up and told him to leave, he tipped over a chili container which coated my face with chili powder. The bloody pain in my eyes then made me knock over a pot of boiling water. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 872

You deserved it 1 140

By betrayed - 16/07/2014 20:09 - United States - Portland

Today, I came home early, only to hear a mad scramble in the living room. I found my now ex-girlfriend and best friend in there, sweaty and in their underwear. The idiot actually had the balls to claim he was teaching her how to do push-ups. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 359

You deserved it 4 569

By June - 05/10/2010 04:47 - United States

Today, my boyfriend grabbed my love handles. It tickled, so I giggled and squirmed out of his grip. He looked at me quizzically and said, "I'm surprised you still have feeling there with all that fat." FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 755

You deserved it 8 773

By Chad - 27/04/2011 01:20 - United States

Today, my wife bought $80 worth of Glee songs on iTunes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 481

You deserved it 10 442

By anon - 22/05/2015 02:22 - United Kingdom - Birmingham

Today, I found out that my flatmate wears my underwear. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 243

You deserved it 2 151

By Anonymous - 28/12/2010 15:39 - South Africa

Today, I was in a very crowded train coming home from work. I saw a cute guy sitting across from me. As I lifted my one leg to hook it over my other leg, I let out a loud fart. All I could do was sit there and wait for my stop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 109

You deserved it 10 793

By semischweet - 01/09/2019 20:00 - United Kingdom - London

Spicy

Today, I learned why you should never to use Sean Connery's voice when asking your girlfriend to sit on your face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 703

You deserved it 1 835

By John - 07/11/2009 21:45 - United States

Today, I proposed to my girlfriend of 6 years. She said no. Why? She's already married. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 587

You deserved it 6 322

By Virginiedetibo - 22/10/2011 02:09 - France

Today, I ran into an old friend. I asked her how she was doing, then asked, "And your mum?" Just as the words escaped my lips, I remembered her mum died a few years ago. Trying to save face, I messed up again and blurted, "She still in the same graveyard?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 660

You deserved it 51 338

By f my lifw - 07/04/2015 15:43 - United States - King Of Prussia

Today, I went to buy some makeup. As I was checking out, the cashier said, "You're going to need more than that to cover up that face." FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 184

You deserved it 3 013

By Anonymous - 28/08/2015 05:06 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I happily announced to my parents that I'm pregnant. My dad later handed me a printout containing a list of nearby abortion clinics. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 154

You deserved it 2 550

By TrappedInSchool - 28/07/2018 12:30 - United States - Fort Collins

Today, I found out that my parents lied to me about my GPA so they could go back on our agreement of "3.0 or above or summer school" and had no intention of honoring the agreement anyway. I've been in summer school doing catch-up for kicks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 626

You deserved it 483

By Anonymous - 19/08/2015 12:14 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my sister recorded the sound of me having intense diarrhea, retching at the stench, and eventually breaking down in tears. I only found out when I saw she'd posted it online, with the caption "lol #gaytard #sorrynotsorry". I've never been called a pussy by so many people before. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 939

You deserved it 3 976

By electricpuddle - 25/04/2011 01:11

Today, while letting horses out to switch pasture, one ran at me, sending me through the electric fence and into a mud puddle. Wrapped in electric fence, I sat in that electric mud puddle, screaming every time it shocked me. Help arrived, once they'd had a good long laugh. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 756

You deserved it 4 023

By The Sbeak - 13/02/2009 15:54 - United States

Spicy

Today, my boss called me into his office to show me the web site of a potential business partner. When he began to type 'virginia' into google, it auto-completed his search with his recent search for 'virgin boy assholes'. I have to go on business trip with him tomorrow. I'm a young guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 555 509

You deserved it 45 283

By Anonymous - 01/10/2011 23:03 - United States

Today, I logged on to Facebook to find that my boyfriend's relationship status had changed to in a relationship with his ex. I asked him about it, and all he said was, "I guess I forgot to break up with you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 003

You deserved it 2 764

I'm a meme

By karen - 27/09/2019 14:00

Today, as always, my name is Karen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 580

You deserved it 387

Lonely

By Anonymous - 09/07/2021 02:01 - Australia - Kenwick

Today, the only notification I got on my phone all day was a reminder I set to take a fibre supplement and stool softener. FML

I agree, your life sucks 688

You deserved it 123

By Anonymous - 19/06/2014 14:33 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I was feeling unappreciated and asked my boyfriend if he loves me. He faltered and replied, "Uh, my dick does." FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 591

You deserved it 8 405

Oh no.

By Anonymous - 07/01/2018 01:30

Today, while cleaning out my daughter's closet, I found my missing dildo. It's a mold of my husband's penis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 206

You deserved it 1 596

Caine

By dogless - 04/12/2009 22:18 - United States

Today, I found my pitbull after three weeks of frantic searching. When we returned home, I put out food and water for him. I went to get him and found him in my room, wagging his tail at me. He'd peed on my comforter, freshly folded clothes, and new 60-dollar winter coat. Welcome home, Caine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 159

You deserved it 6 620

By Anonymous - 18/08/2009 04:38 - United States

Today, I asked my friends what NNAS was code for. They have been using this for about a month. After bothering one of them for a few hours, he finally told me. NNAS stands for Nataly Needs A Shower. I'm Nataly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 471

You deserved it 52 137

By black_commet08 - 10/02/2010 05:11 - France

Today, a white guy tried to teach me to use chopsticks properly. I'm Chinese and have been using them since I could eat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 707

You deserved it 4 863

By lockedoutbabysitter - 09/03/2010 17:19 - United States

Today, I was babysitting. Being kind, I went to grab their mail, while their 4 year old ate lunch. He locked me out, wrecked the house, and let me in right when he saw their car two hours later. I didn't get paid. I paid them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 917

You deserved it 9 550

By hdat - 11/06/2009 17:51 - Canada

Spicy

Today, I woke up from a dream about finding a vending machine that gave me free food. I kept eating, it was so satisfying words could not describe how great it felt. Then I realized my hands were in between my legs, I had been touching myself dreaming about free food from a vending machine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 72 812

You deserved it 16 159

By jwhizzle - 20/10/2011 11:51 - Australia

Today, I found my "lost" bicycle in my best friend's garage. I've been having to catch two buses to get to work for the past few months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 178

You deserved it 3 016

By Anonymous - 24/07/2019 05:00 - United States - El Paso

Today, I was cutting potatoes. I was cutting them slowly, being careful, but my mom told me to cut faster, that I wouldn't cut myself. I cut myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 417

You deserved it 357

By csc4lyfe09 - 03/03/2010 00:00 - United States

Today, while at my tutoring job, a middle school kid couldn't find a word in the online dictionary. I told him he could check a regular paperback dictionary. His response was, "That's what you did in your day. That's not what we do in our day." I'm only 19. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 789

You deserved it 3 183

Superspreader event

By Anonymous - 03/08/2021 05:59

Today, my son had a fever and bad cough all night. Turns out he has RSV. My friend's baby, whose birthday party we went to a few days ago, also has RSV, and had been sick all week. She knew this and still went through with the party, without informing any of us parents. Now my baby is on breathing treatments. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 165

You deserved it 72

By _philliesfan - 14/09/2009 04:20 - United States

Today, I was prioritizing my extreme amount of homework. I read over the front page of my psychology paper seeing that it was pretty easy questions, I decided to do it last. Little did I know there was a 8 page essay on the back of the page. It's 12:19 am. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 648

You deserved it 21 103

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Tuesday 21 February 2012 16:11

You have no life, good sir.

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Tuesday 21 February 2012 16:13

This is a laughable situation

Comments

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Tuesday 21 February 2012 16:07

lool. Good FML XD

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Tuesday 21 February 2012 16:36

wait...how is this an fml? coming up with a new laugh is a fun thing to do

lol_ironic_life 9

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Tuesday 21 February 2012 20:17

#1 - Oddly your comment made me think of the "Trollolololol" video and made me laugh! :D

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Wednesday 22 February 2012 0:10

59- okay at least I'm not the only one who did too!

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Thursday 23 February 2012 5:26

What a productive day! When do you plan on performing it for real?

Feklfekl2222 32

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Tuesday 21 February 2012 16:07

I spent ages coming up with my laugh because my family has a terrible embarrassing laugh and I was too embarrassed to reveal it. It's quite hard to make it convincing

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Tuesday 21 February 2012 17:01

I'm like the guy from Men in Black. I smile like this "._."

ScaughtieHolden 11

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Tuesday 21 February 2012 17:19

deadmau5 O._.O

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Tuesday 21 February 2012 17:58

I think that's awesome

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Tuesday 21 February 2012 18:11

Laughs shouldn't be fake they should be real and no one should be afraid of how messed up their laugh is let alone how your family laughs everyone is unique and how u laugh is one way it shines.

Feklfekl2222 32

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Tuesday 21 February 2012 20:01

You were obviously born with the perfect tinkly little laugh, when I laugh naturally it sounds like I'm drunk not to mention I have almost no control over the volume of it, and no matter how unique it is it is embarrassing when everyone looks at you because you're laughing. So it's sort of necessary for me to put on a laugh.

alicksfairclough 6

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Tuesday 21 February 2012 20:55

Excellent!

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Wednesday 22 February 2012 3:39

I however have a very strange laugh and idgaf bout what people say its what makes u so they can suck a big one for all i give maybe u should learn to feel more self conscious bout it all

Feklfekl2222 32

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Wednesday 22 February 2012 17:24

I Already am self conscious about it why should I learn to be more so?

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Tuesday 21 February 2012 16:07

lool. Good FML XD

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Tuesday 21 February 2012 16:11

You have no life, good sir.

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Wednesday 22 February 2012 4:51

correction, miss

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Tuesday 21 February 2012 16:11

What?

twilightluvr101 4

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Tuesday 21 February 2012 18:12

Op made a new laugh, what part of that don't u get?

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Tuesday 21 February 2012 18:44

Today, I spent my day creating a new type of laugh, and performing it in my head. FML

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Wednesday 22 February 2012 2:06

Probably that one part right in the middle.

twilightluvr101 4

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Thursday 23 February 2012 4:19

Thats for the clarification trova :-P

twilightluvr101 4

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Thursday 23 February 2012 4:23

*thanks, ps fuck you autocorrect!

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Tuesday 21 February 2012 16:13

This is a laughable situation

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Tuesday 21 February 2012 16:15

OP, you have fun with that...

crimsonprodigy 15

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Tuesday 21 February 2012 16:17

So what's it sound like?

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Tuesday 21 February 2012 16:58

A mix of Woody Woodpecker and Goofy.

crimsonprodigy 15

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Tuesday 21 February 2012 17:55

Send me an audio clip.

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Tuesday 21 February 2012 19:32

Dereshishishishishi

wallandpiece 16

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Wednesday 22 February 2012 0:13

I imagine it sounding like someone machine-gunning a seal.

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Wednesday 22 February 2012 7:03

R D R R

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Tuesday 21 February 2012 16:17

I spent a couple hours once tried to perfect a new walk

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Tuesday 21 February 2012 16:39

Me too. In 7" heels with a book on my head.(:

yummy_richkid 3

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Tuesday 21 February 2012 17:33

I can't seem to go above 5 inch heels. As a 6'3 man it gets really awkward and feels like I'm walking on stilts.

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Tuesday 21 February 2012 16:18

As long as you have fun, right?

Nearly

Today, I live in Turkey and the dollar has risen to 13 lira. Just turks understand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27

You deserved it 4

Today, I realized the cute girl with a nice ass, long hair and a great personality I've been talking to is actually a very gay dude. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21

You deserved it 58

Spicy

Spicy

Today, I was diagnosed with a meat allergy. You can imagine the jokes my boyfriend has been thinking up since we found out I can’t "handle his meat" in my mouth anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 470

You deserved it 59

Today, a guy drove an hour and a half to get to where I live, only to literally last less than 30 seconds. FML

I agree, your life sucks 591

You deserved it 124