Today, I spent all day at the hospital with my grandma for some... - FML

By Anonymous - 9/9/2009 01:22 - United States

Today, I spent all day at the hospital with my grandma for some tests. When I drove her back home she decided to thank me with $50. Knowing she is unemployed, I told her I couldn't take a whole $50. She replied with "Ungrateful, just like your mother", then took the money and left. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39350

You deserved it

4514

Tweet

Share

Out of it

PSA

Recycling helps

By Bad Teacher - 1/8/2014 05:24 - Australia - West End

Today, I got sent to the head teacher's office for doing "stupid hand gestures and disrupting the class". Yesterday my teacher told the class to do the same hand gesture to ask for permission to go to the toilet so it wouldn't interrupt her talking. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43640

You deserved it

3264

Tweet

Share

By Lesbian - 4/8/2017 13:00

Today I took my girlfriend to the cafe where we had our first date, with the intention of proposing. Moments before I took the ring out, some sleazy old guy said "how are you two fine babes single on a Saturday?" He refused to leave us alone even when we said we were on a date. FML

I agree, your life sucks

5865

You deserved it

500

Tweet

Share

By Meg - 15/7/2011 22:24 - United States

Today, I was on the elevator at work. As it descended, a roach started scurrying about around my feet. I freaked out and started screaming, hitting the panic button without thinking. Now I'm facing a hefty fine for using the panic button when there wasn't a "real" emergency. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12324

You deserved it

43559

Tweet

Share

By full of losses - 29/7/2018 13:00 - United States

Today, the day after my grandfather's funeral, my grandmother informed me I have 30 days to move out. I've been living with them for four years, helping take care of my sick grandfather. She's already changed the locks and won't unlock the door. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4395

You deserved it

260

Tweet

Share

By HotelClerk - 22/1/2010 06:37 - United States

Today, somebody stopped by the front desk at the hotel I work at to report a vehicle had its headlights on. I wrote down the info, including the plate. Hours later, after my shift was over, I finally realized that it was MY vehicle. The battery was dead. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8087

You deserved it

42321

Tweet

Share

By kaycie_lynn - 19/2/2010 01:11 - United States

Today, I chuckled at a "no smoking" sign as I lit my cigarette. I bent my head down to light it and somehow managed to light my hair on fire. FML

I agree, your life sucks

6746

You deserved it

71338

Tweet

Share

By Alright. - 24/9/2012 08:15 - United States - Missoula

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me because he says, "There's too much of an age gap between us" and that it makes him "feel like a pedophile". He's only four months older than I am. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30014

You deserved it

2063

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 7/4/2018 15:00

Today, my girlfriend did the whole "break up with your boyfriend and kick him out of the house" thing from the movies. Except it's my house. She kept my stuff. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4204

You deserved it

599

Tweet

Share

By Brianna Michelle Ferrell - 18/9/2018 13:30

Today, I went on a date with a guy and he kept winking at me. I thought it was really sweet until later that night he told me he had Tourette's. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2456

You deserved it

329

Tweet

Share

By sucker - 6/1/2011 03:55 - Canada

Today, my cheating ex-boyfriend was offered the job we both interviewed for. I helped him with his cover letter before I found out about the affair. I've been unemployed for almost two years. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30836

You deserved it

4210

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 1/9/2017 20:00

Today, I put a magnet on my brand new car. I got rear-ended by someone who was trying to read it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3094

You deserved it

825

Tweet

Share

By millie219 - 13/8/2012 15:20 - United Kingdom - Edinburgh

Today, my mother screamed at my boyfriend, calling him an "evil piece of self-centred trash". He's a sweet guy who does volunteer work for kids with learning difficulties. She's a bitter, passive-aggressive telemarketer who constantly harasses her own family with sales calls. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31261

You deserved it

2165

Tweet

Share

By eatmywords - 5/7/2011 07:06 - Singapore

Today, I laughed when I saw my ex-girlfriend in her overall uniform, thinking she'd got a job as a janitor. Turns out she's as professional marine welder. She's 22 years old and earns my monthly salary in three days. My current girlfriend who was there with me called me a loser in front of her. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13487

You deserved it

63909

Tweet

Share

By hatetodisappoint - 21/10/2011 06:32 - United States

Today, I called my very overprotective father, and he took the time to tell me how proud he was of me for finally finding a good and respectable boyfriend. And that he was sorry he misjudged. I was calling for bail money to get my "good, respectable" boyfriend out of jail. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12265

You deserved it

39969

Tweet

Share

By bpruitt95 - 31/12/2013 06:46 - United States - Pitkin

Today, I was at a party. Everyone was drunk, and I happened to overhear someone say, "Where's that guy in the black jacket? I'm going to beat his ass!" I wouldn't have thought anything of it, had I not been the only one wearing a black jacket. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29383

You deserved it

3392

Tweet

Share

By paidback - 25/12/2009 01:10 - United States

Rejection erection

Today, I rejected my wife for sex. She then started to masturbate next to me. I got an erection. She then rejected me for sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8598

You deserved it

82689

Tweet

Share

By freaked out - 30/8/2012 08:04 - Canada - Edmonton

Today, I discovered why my girlfriend is so obsessed with cutting my nails. She collects my clippings in a jar under her bed. She claims it will keep us together longer. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33142

You deserved it

2564

Tweet

Share

By anonymous - 1/12/2016 16:00 - United States - Saint Paul

Today, my family was watching a football game and kept mentioning their team's quarterback's name and, as I'm not a football fan by any means, asked them who this was. My grandma then turned to me and said, "This is why you don't have a boyfriend." FML

I agree, your life sucks

9291

You deserved it

1271

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 9/3/2017 02:00

Free Playboy for the guy that can't even use it. Oh, cruel fate.

Today, I received a Playboy magazine that I never ordered, and now my husband won't stop laughing at me or calling me a closet heterosexual. FML

I agree, your life sucks

5234

You deserved it

709

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 13/8/2019 04:00

Today, I tripped and fell going up the stairs, not once, but twice at work as I was leading customers through our building. I actually got bruises. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1326

You deserved it

246

Tweet

Share

By kas - 30/4/2009 17:41 - United States

Today, I was on my way home when I saw a cop hiding behind a Budget truck. I immediately slowed down and prayed that he wouldn't give me a ticket. Then I realized I was walking. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29112

You deserved it

95303

Tweet

Share

By Fubar0906 - 19/5/2009 01:11 - United States

Today, I'm on vacation. I spent $4000 to surprise my boyfriend on a trip to Hawaii. We have been together over a year. Turns out, he hates the outdoors. He's mad at me for bringing him here and is upset at everything. He's in the room reading, I'm at the bar drinking $10 Mai Tai's. FML

I agree, your life sucks

56434

You deserved it

17459

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 19/7/2013 16:41 - United States - Milwaukee

Today, it's my fifth wedding anniversary. My wife bailed on the romantic dinner that I arranged in favor of running off with her friends. Their big event: an amateur Fight Club event they'd decided to stage in an abandoned parking lot. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46311

You deserved it

4300

Tweet

Share

By drewB - 12/8/2019 10:00 - United States

Today, it was my first day being home after doing a 4 and a half month hike through the Appalachian Trail. This evening, I stepped out my front door and directly onto a copperhead snake. It thought my leg was tasty, and I went to the ER for the first time in over 20+ years. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1703

You deserved it

120

Tweet

Share

By brebis - 18/11/2008 10:37 - France

Today, when I threw away my cigarette out of the car window, the wind blew it back in again. My trousers got completely burnt. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9289

You deserved it

70873

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 24/1/2010 14:25 - United States

Today, after reading a sign at the airport, my 6-year-old son thought it would be funny to yell, "Daddy's got a bomb!" Airport security then tackled me to the ground. Oh, and I missed my flight and my mother's birthday. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46337

You deserved it

3630

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 22/5/2019 16:00

Today, on the bus, water kept dripping on my head so I stood up to move. As I got up, the bus turned round a corner and I fell over into a man's lap. When I tried to get up, I slipped down between his legs and the next seat. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1633

You deserved it

181

Tweet

Share

By thanatophobia - 15/3/2010 00:20 - France

Today, my deranged co-worker sent me a text message containing a picture that she just took of her uncle. It was his funeral. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24917

You deserved it

2000

Tweet

Share

By QWERTY - 3/4/2011 23:20

Today, my roommate thought it would be a good idea to show me his huge new tarantula despite knowing that I have extremely severe arachnophobia. I ended up killing it with a book and apparently now owe him $500. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33079

You deserved it

18154

Tweet

Share

By Kelleee - 30/9/2017 20:00

Today, I paid £200 for a car service to make sure everything was running okay. I got the all clear that everything was perfect and all necessary fluids topped up. I then wrote the car off 20 minutes later in an accident. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3060

You deserved it

426

Tweet

Share

By GoodbyeNewJob - 17/11/2016 18:00

Today, I accidentally said, "Hell yes!" in front of a potential employer and a group of kids before an interview at a daycare center. FML

I agree, your life sucks

7887

You deserved it

3673

Tweet

Share

By toast - 25/3/2009 16:33 - United Kingdom

Today, I repaired a boiler for a wealthy guy in a big house. While there, I fixed a leaking tap for free. When I went to go, the man slipped something into my shirt pocket and said "have a drink on me." When I got to my truck, I discovered that he'd given me a tea bag. FML

I agree, your life sucks

80661

You deserved it

6258

Tweet

Share

By Fark - 27/5/2010 22:50 - United Kingdom

Today, I had a dream I was going the bathroom. I then woke up peeing, but I didn’t wet the bed yet. As I ran to the bathroom while half asleep and in the dark, I rammed into the wall. On my way back to bed, I tripped and accidentally slapped my fiancé in an effort to stop myself from falling over. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30238

You deserved it

4926

Tweet

Share

By kmtranter - 28/12/2012 11:40 - United Kingdom - Wembley

Today, I woke up to find my boyfriend using my hand to wank. FML

I agree, your life sucks

51747

You deserved it

10502

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 6/7/2013 11:26 - United States

Today, while out for lunch, a guy approached me and asked for my number. I politely declined. To my dismay, he dropped to his knees, grabbed his head, and started moaning about how nobody ever gives him a chance. I felt the accusing stares. FML

I agree, your life sucks

52571

You deserved it

6775

Tweet

Share

By WeldedShut - 3/3/2017 18:00

Today, I was with a wedding party getting manicures. I absentmindedly used a freshly-painted nail to pick my nose and ended up with two beauticians scraping indestructible bright red gel varnish out of my left nostril with acetone soaked q-tips, while everyone sat waiting in complete silence. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3740

You deserved it

8098

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 30/10/2019 22:00

How nice of them.

Today, I learned what my office nickname means. My nickname? Butterface. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1661

You deserved it

190

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 15/5/2020 23:00

The geyser

Today, my girlfriend was on top in reverse cowgirl. After she orgasmed, all I heard was, "Oh fuck" and she clenched her butt to try stop, but it was too late, she shot diarrhoea up my stomach, chest and neck. The only reason I didn’t get any in my mouth was because it all got caught in my beard. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3923

You deserved it

278

Tweet

Share

By herve - 22/5/2009 19:50 - Lebanon

Today, my girlfriend of 2 years and I decided to have sex for the first time. When we were in the room, finally ready to start, she confessed that she had never seen a penis before. To make her more comfortable, I showed her mine. At the sight of it, well, she actually fainted. FML

I agree, your life sucks

91715

You deserved it

11564

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 23/6/2014 19:52 - United States

Today, I found out that the loving nickname my Chinese mother has been calling me my entire life essentially translates to "little retard". FML

I agree, your life sucks

54570

You deserved it

6013

Tweet

Share

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By Luckster | 0

#550526 - Wednesday 9 September 2009 9:47

You're greedy if you take it, ungrateful if you don't. You can't win.

By jessicadawg | 0

#550555 - Wednesday 9 September 2009 10:08

You should've accepted, and taken her out to dinner.
That way you would both win.

COMMENTS

By derkk | 0

#550494 - Wednesday 9 September 2009 9:32

first.

Reply

IceCubez | 0

#550501 - Wednesday 9 September 2009 9:35

Congratulations, loser

Reply

tgd4444 | 9

#551451 - Wednesday 9 September 2009 21:00

well

Reply

Firetroop | 0

#968427 - Friday 26 March 2010 6:59

Did you know that calling first on an FML makes you look like you sit in front of the computer all day pressing the refresh button?

Reply

stuffhappens223 | 7

#3849930 - Sunday 8 January 2012 12:28

Lol so true

By isantorin | 0

#550495 - Wednesday 9 September 2009 9:33

Just take the money next time.

Reply

rikard_fml | 0

#995838 - Monday 17 May 2010 2:45

yah dont be a to good for granny moneh beeyotch!

Reply

SadinSherman | 16

#3369510 - Friday 30 September 2011 15:31

What are you saying?

Reply

domolovesyoshi | 33

#5865384 - Saturday 22 February 2014 5:19

excuse me? what exactly were you trying to say?

By muffinsareyummy | 1

#550500 - Wednesday 9 September 2009 9:33

Lol. This sounds like something my grandmother would say to me. :P

Reply

miyon_fml | 0

#553040 - Thursday 10 September 2009 12:13

Heh mine too. I love her like crazy but she is so grumpy at times.

By Dou_fml | 0

#550514 - Wednesday 9 September 2009 9:41

Aw! Sorry for you!

Reply

LexRB | 0

#1691444 - Saturday 13 November 2010 4:01

shut up

By cherry_popper | 0

#550520 - Wednesday 9 September 2009 9:45

Owned.

By Luckster | 0

#550526 - Wednesday 9 September 2009 9:47

You're greedy if you take it, ungrateful if you don't. You can't win.

Reply

Inkay | 13

#5842183 - Tuesday 28 January 2014 21:27

Well my guess is that it probably is how OP said it, making it sound like they wanted more.

By allmidnighteyes | 10

#550531 - Wednesday 9 September 2009 9:50

She probably went to the casino and used it on a slot machine; you should have accepted.

By jessicadawg | 0

#550555 - Wednesday 9 September 2009 10:08

You should've accepted, and taken her out to dinner.
That way you would both win.

Reply

the_stereotype | 0

#552294 - Thursday 10 September 2009 2:03

that's a really good idea!

i don't think people should hate on the grandmother, though. i mean, she's old and doesn't have a lot of money, at least let her keep her pride...which sounds like what happened here

By sexymessy | 0

#550583 - Wednesday 9 September 2009 10:45

That's how my grandma is!Well OP you did the right thing in my opinion! Who knows what she would have said if you did accept it!

By WoolyWhoop | 7

#550618 - Wednesday 9 September 2009 11:29

I hate old people.