Today, I spent ages looking for a parking space at the mall.... - FML

By Anonymous - 10/12/2010 21:55 - United Kingdom

Today, I spent ages looking for a parking space at the mall. I saw a couple walking out of the mall and decided to follow them and take their space when they left. After following them for a good ten minutes, I realised they were heading to the bus stop. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9432

You deserved it

32677

Tweet

Share

Family values

Yappy neighborhood

Abuse

By Anonymous - 20/7/2013 15:45 - United States - Newark

Today, my friends took my work laptop and changed the sounds. Now, whenever I remove a USB device, a woman's voice screams "Put it back!" and when I insert a USB device, it says "Oh, you need to push it in harder!" I don't know how to change it back. FML

I agree, your life sucks

60435

You deserved it

6958

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 1/11/2010 07:34 - United Kingdom

Today, I went to a party dressed as a Pinata. Drunk people tried to hit me all night. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10423

You deserved it

56669

Tweet

Share

By epicc1584 - 30/7/2009 12:32 - United States

Today, I was downtown with my boyfriend around Noon when we walked past a few guys who shouted out to me "You're the most beautiful girl we've seen all day". My boyfriend's response was "It's still early." FML

I agree, your life sucks

53046

You deserved it

4425

Tweet

Share

By pogodrake - 24/1/2010 05:01 - United States

Today, I got a call from the girl I'd really like to date to meet up for drinks. Excited, I walked out my front door, slipped on a patch of ice, and dislocated my shoulder. She won't go out on a date with me now because I "ditched her". FML

I agree, your life sucks

30600

You deserved it

2811

Tweet

Share

By traumatizedforlife - 5/8/2013 20:21 - United States

Today, I stepped out of the house for some fresh air. It was still dark out, so imagine my horror when I accidentally stepped on a frog. It squealed for a split second before being crushed beneath my uncovered foot. FML

I agree, your life sucks

48256

You deserved it

6735

Tweet

Share

By deadfish - 3/10/2009 16:28 - United States

Today, my 9 year old little sister is coming back in town with the rest of my family. She specifically asked me to feed her fish. I totally forgot until she called me 10 minutes ago to tell me she was on her way home and couldn't wait to see her fishie. He's dead. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8317

You deserved it

61448

Tweet

Share

By Cheesey_Dorito - 28/9/2018 15:30

Today, it has been 57 hours since I have last had food. The fridge is empty. The freezer is empty. The pantry is empty. Even my bank account is empty because my pay has been delayed. Again. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3374

You deserved it

210

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 5/12/2011 00:40 - United States

Today, I cleaned my toilet. I had forgotten it was white. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8204

You deserved it

48966

Tweet

Share

By Sensitive!!! - 24/8/2020 21:56 - Australia - Brisbane

A teaching moment

Today, my husband is so bad at foreplay that when he remembers to try and turn me on, he digs around really hard like he's scratching a bug bite. Last time, his nail sliced my clitoris. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1863

You deserved it

228

Tweet

Share

By Jorgen - 18/12/2015 01:45 - United States

Today, at my workplace, $200 checks were given to every employee for how well the corporation was doing. The temps didn't get any. Guess who was the only temp. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23704

You deserved it

2315

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 5/2/2017 22:00 - Australia - Melbourne

Today, I discovered why the toilet seat is often sticky in the morning. My husband is too lazy to lift the seat, instead opting to pee all over it and sleepily wipe it down with loo paper if he notices a splash. He doesn't see why it's a problem since he 'cleans' it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

7361

You deserved it

751

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 24/3/2017 22:00

Today, my son followed me around like a shadow, chanting, "Mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom…" to the tune of Jingle Bells. It's March. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4518

You deserved it

495

Tweet

Share

By NightzGremlin - 12/9/2020 14:01

No sleep for the wicked

Today, I came home from work to find construction workers repaving my street. I work the graveyard shift. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1139

You deserved it

83

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 26/4/2014 11:36 - United States - Alpharetta

Today, my little brother put a battery to my tongue while I was sleeping with my mouth open. The shock found its way right to my metal filling. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46250

You deserved it

3936

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 13/5/2019 16:00

Today, I got told that I have a dainty sneeze. It was the closest thing I've had to a compliment I've had in months. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1403

You deserved it

128

Tweet

Share

By monster in law. - 17/12/2014 07:35 - United States

Today, my mother-in-law gave me a toaster and a fork as a wedding gift. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36155

You deserved it

3404

Tweet

Share

By longtrip - 18/1/2010 00:30 - United Kingdom

Today, I drove 4 hours to see my girlfriend of a year, as she had asked me to stay with her for a few days. When I arrived she told me she wanted to be friends as she liked someone else, but wanted me to stay the few days so we could work on being friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34878

You deserved it

2386

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 6/2/2018 15:00

(facepalm)

Today, while working roadside assistance, I arrived to a bewildered client who couldn't find their spare tire. The vehicle in question was a Jeep. I pointed out the spare, but was corrected as "that's just for decoration." FML

I agree, your life sucks

4804

You deserved it

283

Tweet

Share

By driverboy - 31/12/2015 08:08 - United States

Today, I had to pick up and drive home a couple of drunk bitches. Unfortunately, one of these drunk bitches was my mother. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33783

You deserved it

4842

Tweet

Share

By bubblzzz - 21/6/2019 16:01

Today, my father called the cops saying I stole his car. It's my car, but his name is on the title. Why did he report it stolen? Because rather than taking him to a bar and being his designated driver, I went to a job interview. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2115

You deserved it

122

Tweet

Share

By ruined - 15/4/2020 17:00

Cooked it up

Today, I made the most perfect prime rib of my life at an amazing medium rare. I was so distracted dyeing eggs with my kids that I didn’t notice my mom cut the meat, then deciding to shove it back into the oven as it was “too pink” for her liking. She incinerated it beyond all recognition. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1973

You deserved it

250

Tweet

Share

By Kate - 21/6/2017 02:00

Today, my 5-year-old cousin came over. We were on the trampoline in my backyard when he fell off and started crying and screaming. While I was trying to comfort him, my mom came out yelling at me for "pushing him off the trampoline" and grounded me for a month. FML

I agree, your life sucks

5304

You deserved it

357

Tweet

Share

By Asian - 7/2/2016 19:03 - United States - Clover

Today, I was asked to prove that I was Chinese by translating the phrase, "Ching chong ming chang ho". I'm not even Chinese. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22808

You deserved it

1851

Tweet

Share

By scooterbyrd - 31/8/2020 02:01

Don't follow by example

Today, I found out the psychiatrist who treats me for bipolar disorder died. He committed suicide. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1851

You deserved it

104

Tweet

Share

By ksgirl - 12/9/2009 07:39 - United States

Today, the guy I have been in love with for years decided to tell me all about his women problems and how he can't find someone. After telling him I loved him he responds, "do you know if anyone else does?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

48067

You deserved it

4024

Tweet

Share

By OUCH - 19/5/2009 05:17 - Canada

Today, while going for a run in my neighbourhood I was hit by a car not once, but twice. The second car, closely following the first, stopped and then drove forward to see if I was all right. FML

I agree, your life sucks

51319

You deserved it

3218

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 2/10/2015 10:22 - Australia

Today, my little sister thought it would be funny to send my girlfriend a text saying I cheated on her and wanted to break up. Her response was "lol whatever I've been fucking Steve for like a month anyway". Steve is my brother, and he won't admit or deny it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29589

You deserved it

2117

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 12/10/2014 20:46 - United States - Gainesville

Today, I received an email from an angry parent, demanding that I give his daughter an A on a project which I had given her a 0 on. The project was to pick an article related to science and to write an essay on it. Hers was a hoax article relating to Ebola patients rising from the dead. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39456

You deserved it

5682

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 11/4/2012 21:41 - Canada - Orillia

Today, I got home to find our house broken into. Among other things, the thieves took our television, my laptop and several pieces of expensive jewelry. Also missing was my daughter's My Little Pony collection. I think we were robbed by a Brony. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29484

You deserved it

2275

Tweet

Share

By pot, meet kettle - 5/4/2013 23:21 - United States - Saint Cloud

Today, I was chatting online with a guy I really like, when he used the word "irregardless." I couldn't help but mention how little sense it makes, since it's a combination of two words meaning roughly the same thing. He replied, "lol what? your stupid." Jesus Christ. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35853

You deserved it

9764

Tweet

Share

By Bulldogs09 - 1/7/2009 04:41 - France

Today, I finally hooked up with the boy of my dreams at a party. Later, while on aim, I noticed one of his friends away messages was a quote from the guy's screen name, which said "I can't believe what I stick my d... In sometimes." FML

I agree, your life sucks

46625

You deserved it

12416

Tweet

Share

By itsbeenalongday - 27/9/2015 16:05 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I was taking a long, relaxing, hot bath with my girlfriend after a long day. She had fallen asleep in my arms and everything was perfect - until I noticed the water around us had started turning yellow as she pissed herself in her sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31805

You deserved it

3024

Tweet

Share

By fineididntwantkidsanyway - 2/12/2012 23:39 - Australia - Adelaide

Today, my girlfriend got into the Christmas cheer while giving me a hand job, smashing my nuts with her palm in time to her humming of Jingle Bells. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29741

You deserved it

4502

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 26/7/2015 22:43 - United States - Salt Lake City

Today, I went to put a lasagna in the oven for dinner. I was greeted by a revolting scent of a chicken-soup and biscuits boxed dinner. The fridge apparently was too full for my brother to put it away inside, so he covered it up and forgot about it in the oven. We made that dinner two weeks ago. FML.

I agree, your life sucks

23270

You deserved it

2158

Tweet

Share

By poopboy - 16/1/2017 10:49

Today, I sat next to this really hot guy in my writing class. We struck up a conversation, and it was going well, until he began describing, in excruciating detail, his IBS and fiber problems, and how he always has to poop. Good to know. FML

I agree, your life sucks

6259

You deserved it

816

Tweet

Share

By Bad Dad - 20/10/2014 03:48 - United States - Colorado Springs

Today, I caught my 15-year-old son trying to roll catnip into a joint and smoke it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36233

You deserved it

4890

Tweet

Share

By cryface - 7/2/2014 04:48 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I jokingly told my boyfriend he was like an animal in bed. He responded saying I was like a dead animal in bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks

49847

You deserved it

17714

Tweet

Share

By hadakanbo - 17/4/2020 05:00

They targeted gamers. GAMERS.

Today, after spending weeks collecting almost every star, flag, and stamp of Super Mario 3D World on the Wii U, I was working on the very last of the super bonus levels to get the final 12 of 380 available stars when my five-year-old decided to help. By accidentally deleting the file. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1550

You deserved it

494

Tweet

Share

By not a kiddy fiddler really - 29/5/2015 20:15 - United States - San Francisco

Today, at my daughter's wedding celebration, I was doing a Michael Jackson act with a few buddies. It went well until I did the crotch-grab. I yanked my balls too hard and fell to the floor, writhing in agony in front of nearly 70 guests. FML

I agree, your life sucks

17043

You deserved it

26404

Tweet

Share

By RickTooBomb - 5/10/2016 15:23 - United States - Falls Church

Today, I was working as a valet when an old guy came up and wanted us to park his car. He said he had an accident. We looked in the car and saw poop all over the seat. We still had to park the car. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12655

You deserved it

800

Tweet

Share

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By bugwub | 0

#1825827 - Saturday 11 December 2010 1:10

YDI. I hate when people stalk me for my parking spot. It's creepy.

By mintcar | 9

#1825834 - Saturday 11 December 2010 1:11

Wow, you're an idiot. Following then for ten whole minutes? You've got to Ne kidding me. You probably really creeped them out.

COMMENTS

By bladomas | 2

#1825795 - Saturday 11 December 2010 1:03

idiot

Reply

CollegeGirl2010 | 0

#1826027 - Saturday 11 December 2010 2:34

yea!

Reply

ClickMyPicture | 0

#1826151 - Saturday 11 December 2010 4:15

Stalker much?

Reply

jewban | 3

#1826271 - Saturday 11 December 2010 5:27

and this is why you do your holiday shopping before hand

Reply

JokerJohn7 | 0

#1827535 - Saturday 11 December 2010 8:49

how is this even an FML?

Reply

mamamiaaa_fml | 12

#1828253 - Saturday 11 December 2010 12:18

I don't think the persons an idiot you can't tell by looking at people that they're riding the bus. uhh um yeah. ahem.

Reply

teentee401 | 36

#6013013 - Sunday 20 July 2014 3:03

Yeah, what was your first clue that they weren't heading back to a car? When they left the lot?

By Yeah_Thats_Me | 0

#1825797 - Saturday 11 December 2010 1:04

Lmao fail

Reply

juliahockey | 0

#2603461 - Thursday 2 June 2011 4:03

gotta get down to the bus stop, gotta catch the bus, I see my friends!

By bugwub | 0

#1825827 - Saturday 11 December 2010 1:10

YDI. I hate when people stalk me for my parking spot. It's creepy.

Reply

ruby84 | 1

#1825951 - Saturday 11 December 2010 1:55

well.. you gotta do what you gotta do!

Reply

KiddNYC1O | 20

#1826077 - Saturday 11 December 2010 3:12

You're creepy for thinking it's creepy.

Reply

Jess_4602 | 0

#1827626 - Saturday 11 December 2010 9:01

I use to work at the mall and when I got out and people were following me I'd purposely take a long time just to piss them off. I hate when people stalk you for your spot.

Reply

HiccupAstrid | 0

#1828466 - Saturday 11 December 2010 13:36

The chicken!!!! ( answer to your profile picture. ) 

Reply

matticus27 | 14

#5453580 - Wednesday 17 April 2013 21:06

Walk down one parking aisle and then cut across a couple aisles to get to your car so they can't follow you anymore lol

By mintcar | 9

#1825834 - Saturday 11 December 2010 1:11

Wow, you're an idiot. Following then for ten whole minutes? You've got to Ne kidding me. You probably really creeped them out.

Reply

mintcar | 9

#1825846 - Saturday 11 December 2010 1:13

Them*
Be*
This is what happens when you're sitting with 4 people in the dinning hall.

Reply

Nutz321 | 0

#1828733 - Saturday 11 December 2010 15:18

Don't you mean the "dimming" hall.

Reply

Nutz321 | 0

#1828740 - Saturday 11 December 2010 15:20

Damn it!
.*?

By perdix | 29

#1825841 - Saturday 11 December 2010 1:13

You should have followed the bus until they got off and then drove off slowly. That way, you'd look like some kind of cool private eye rather than an absolute idiot. It's all about image.

By rachel0707 | 0

#1825879 - Saturday 11 December 2010 1:23

aww thats unfortunate.. but poor couple. thru must have been really creeped out..!

By Judus_beej | 0

#1825881 - Saturday 11 December 2010 1:25

they probably thought you were stalking them
and tried to throw you off.

By BloodyHeel | 8

#1825890 - Saturday 11 December 2010 1:29

You should follow their lead and catch the bus to the shops.

By a_girl_i_know | 0

#1825899 - Saturday 11 December 2010 1:34

You could have asked the couple if their parking spot was going to become available, their answer could have saved you ten minutes of following for nothing.

Reply

dark_path | 0

#1826372 - Saturday 11 December 2010 6:25

I'm with you, completely agree I always do that.

By DocBastard | 38

#1825912 - Saturday 11 December 2010 1:37

I assume you're familiar with the process?