Miscellaneous: Today, I sneezed with so much force while I was driving that...

By Hayley - 11/01/2010 03:37 - Canada

Today, I sneezed with so much force while I was driving that I whacked my head on the steering wheel and honked the horn. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 496

You deserved it 4 518

Miscellaneous

Triage

And today, on Dr Phil…

Our house, in the middle of our street

By shouldhavecheckedthelock - 29/05/2011 01:56 - United States

Today, after having not used my laptop since January because I thought it was broken, I found out that the key lock has been on the whole time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 862

You deserved it 51 871

Perfect timing!

By Savanerzz - 18/03/2018 01:30

Today my fiancé broke up with me. Two hours later, the store I bought my dress from called to say it’s ready to be picked up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 874

You deserved it 283

By broke4life - 28/10/2015 22:16

Today, my boyfriend called me to ask if I knew the serial number for my laptop. I had given him my $650 gaming laptop to sell in his electronics store because I didn't need it and could use the money. Apparently it was stolen at some point yesterday and his cameras were turned off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 343

You deserved it 1 908

By Anonymous - 29/12/2010 11:25 - United States

Today, my boyfriend told me he loved me for the very first time in three years. Apparently, all it took was anal. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 555

You deserved it 13 228

By anonymous - 14/12/2010 11:52 - United States

Today, I went to feed my neighbor's cat while he was out of town. The cat was sick, so part of my job was to give it a pill each time I came. Cats don't like swallowing pills. My neighbor forgot to mention that his cat wasn't declawed. I was wearing shorts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 383

You deserved it 6 197

By sorrygranny - 21/01/2013 16:11 - United States

Today, I was at the gas station with my grandma. After I slid her card and began to pump, I convinced her that it was a lot easier and more convenient to pay at the pump with your credit card instead of paying inside. She yelled as I realized I went $20 over what she had to spend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 080

You deserved it 41 265

By Anonymous - 19/10/2010 09:07 - Australia

Today, I found out that the friend I stayed up with for nights on end, talking out of depression and suicide, has 'politely' posted up on facebook that he secretly hates me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 424

You deserved it 3 442

By feeldumb - 11/06/2009 04:33 - United States

Today, I got into an argument with a 7 year old. He said that Obama was the 44th President, I said he was the 42nd. Guess who was right. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 073

You deserved it 86 225

By boblaj - 22/05/2012 16:11 - United Kingdom - Hastings

Today, I took the day off work to be with my wife, since she's always bemoaning my lack of romantic gestures. As thanks, she spent most of the day reading Fifty Shades of Grey, which is basically a blatant plagiarism of Twilight, starring a pair of two-dimensional BDSM freaks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 790

You deserved it 4 009

By Anonymous - 28/09/2010 14:03 - Canada

Today, I'm the only one at work in a small office. The water tank sprung a leak. Guess who had to call the boss and get instructions via cell phone to turn it off? I can't even leave the office to change my soaked clothes, because I need to wait for an important phone call. Seven hours to go. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 036

You deserved it 2 438

By ihatelongflights - 21/08/2009 16:18 - United States

Today, I was on a flight coming back home. On my right was a fat monk who was snoring very loudly, and on my left there were two old women who were talking about their teenage love lives in detail. The flight was 17 hours long. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 693

You deserved it 3 009

By wowohwow - 23/06/2011 04:24 - United States

Today, I got all dressed up to go on a date with a guy. Upon getting to my house to pick me up, he told me he'd forgot to put on mascara, and asked if he could borrow some. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 095

You deserved it 6 134

By dileigh - 10/03/2009 18:37 - United States

Today, I received my graduation gift, a bath robe, from my parents. My have two older sisters also graduated. The first one got a Tiffany's bracelet, the second one got a plane ticket to Europe. FML

I agree, your life sucks 75 136

You deserved it 3 614

By DJ - 07/04/2013 18:52 - Ireland - Dublin

Today, I started training for a charity boxing match. When I got home and walked through the door, my dad punched me in the stomach to test my reaction time. As I lay on the floor trying to catch my breath, he said my reaction time was "terrible". FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 540

You deserved it 5 856

By Brown345 - 11/05/2012 05:03 - United States

Today, I started a new job. I noticed all the beautiful women. Then I tripped on a cord running across the floor. They noticed me too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 200

You deserved it 5 995

Evil always wins

By Anonymous - 21/03/2021 20:01

Today, I was in the Walmart parking lot listening to some music in my car and some lady comes up to me and say, “Boy, the music you listen to is so unholy, I think you need some Jesus in your life.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 793

You deserved it 285

First Dates

By Anonymous - 05/12/2020 23:06 - United States - Hesperia

Today, a guy took me on a date to McDonald’s. I smiled, but told him politely that I don’t eat fast food. He called me a stuck-up snob and a high maintenance gold digger who didn’t deserve him. I’m neither. I have IBS and greasy food sets me off. I had to walk home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 267

You deserved it 128

By whattabrat - 26/02/2012 05:16 - Canada

Today, I was babysitting. Everything was going well until the kid called 911 on me for making him eat his vegetables. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 990

You deserved it 3 291

By holly10350 - 14/10/2010 03:08 - United States

Today, I allowed my friend to practice driving in my car. As she began to let the car roll forward, she looked at me and very seriously asked, "Brakes is the right pedal, right?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 973

You deserved it 29 932

By karebear - 09/09/2010 05:33 - United States

Today, my boyfriend of 6 months said he wasn't going to break up with me, he was just going to stop touching me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 598

You deserved it 4 625

By -__- - 26/12/2015 13:41

Today, I showed my husband a recipe for the meal I wanted us to make tonight. He saw cumin was an ingredient and broke into hysterics. By the time he managed to stop laughing, he gasped that he couldn't eat something "with cumin it" and broke down laughing again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 312

You deserved it 2 975

By FANZZY - 18/08/2014 16:29 - United States - Brooklyn

Today, I learned that when someone is choking you don't do the "hymen maneuver", you do the "heimlich maneuver". I was corrected by my girlfriend's parents. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 201

You deserved it 16 231

By ak - 02/03/2009 21:26 - United States

Today, I was laying with my girlfriend on the couch. I looked at her and says "You're so beautiful. How did I ever get you?" She replied, "I was drunk." FML

I agree, your life sucks 64 591

You deserved it 11 339

By Dominic - 14/06/2009 19:14 - Canada

Today, as a prank, my friends put a big bucket of water on my door so that it would spill on me as I exited my room. It would have been funny if I hadn't been holding my $900 laptop as I was walking out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 711

You deserved it 3 083

By Anonymous - 05/02/2010 06:18 - United States

Today, I was in the car with my 16 year old daughter. There was a guy on a fast looking motorcycle next to me at the stop light. I yelled to him to "get it up!" so that he would do a wheelie. Just before the light turned green he yelled back, "You're too old for me, but I'll get it up for her!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 087

You deserved it 32 076

By caseyj - 25/03/2011 05:50 - United States

Today, I went to a birthday party. A half hour in, a girl started showing me pictures of her cat. That was the high point of the night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 095

You deserved it 4 739

Haters

By ForeverAFatty - 29/05/2021 20:01 - United States - Staten Island

Today, my boyfriend invited me to swim at his house. I'm very obese, so I had some reservations about it, but he assured me it'd be alright. Instead, the whole time I was treated to his mother commenting on my weight umpteen times, and his brother calling me "Moby Dick" and throwing pool noodles at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 782

You deserved it 304

By moresexperience - 11/09/2009 12:26 - United States

Today, I had dinner with my girlfriend of five months along with my mom and dad. Everything was going fine until my mom asked aloud "Everything going smooth for you in the bedroom?" to which my girlfriend replied "No." I was painting the master bedroom at my parent's house for some extra cash. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 114

You deserved it 4 242

By notliked - 01/10/2009 10:33 - United States

Today, on facebook, I realized I had over 500 friends. I told my one friend and she changed her status to "How can Dan have over 500 facebook friends? Nobody even likes him" there were 42 likes, and twenty comments that said "agreed." FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 658

You deserved it 12 301

By Anonymous - 20/11/2013 03:42 - United States - Brooklyn

Today, I learned that no matter how much of a nerd a girl claims to be, she is not ready for you to speak Klingon during sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 722

You deserved it 71 592

By Anonymous - 01/10/2012 23:15 - United States - Providence

Today, I asked a girl in my building out. She said yes, and told me her fee per hour. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 226

You deserved it 2 743

By Anonymous - 22/07/2017 01:33

Today, my prom date and his family came over to take pictures. His dad happens to be my mom's gynecologist. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 753

You deserved it 395

Booty non-call

By Alex - 15/12/2020 13:58

Today, my girl sent me a naked booty pic, telling me not to be late home. When I got home, she was in dirty old sweatpants, too upset for sex because her celebrity crush died. Not in real life, in one of the TV shows she's watching. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 525

You deserved it 216

By coffee girl - 22/07/2011 20:31 - Canada

Today, the gift my mother had mailed me for my birthday finally arrived. It was a gift card for Starbucks. A gift card that had already been redeemed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 261

You deserved it 2 427

By Arden - 03/02/2019 20:00

Today, my dog peed on my bed because my parents were presumably having sex and I was too scared to go downstairs and take her out because of it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 823

You deserved it 1 472

By unlucky - 31/05/2016 19:05 - United Kingdom - Bristol

Today, I went to a party. After asking several people about the ingredients in a cake, I took one bite and ended up in the hospital with a severe reaction to the nuts that "definitely weren't" in it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 403

You deserved it 908

By MillyMan - 07/02/2012 17:58 - United States

Today, I have to follow through with the bet I lost over the Super Bowl game. I don't have a problem running a lap nude around my block, but the cops in the police station right across from my house probably will. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 908

You deserved it 35 355

By but I tried anal and everything - 22/11/2012 16:13 - United States - Des Moines

Today, in break from tradition, I proposed to my boyfriend. We were at a Japanese Pagoda. Water was trickling everywhere; the moment was perfect. While I was on my knee, after pouring my heart out, he looked wistfully out over the water and said, "So, I was thinking pizza tonight." FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 710

You deserved it 6 673

By Anonymous - 18/03/2011 16:14 - Netherlands

Today, I was worried about passing an exam, so I hid a note under my skirt. When the guy next to me was finished, I had to get up so he could leave. With no time to hide the note, I stood in front of the entire class, hand over my crotch, looking as if I had to pee. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 647

You deserved it 71 531

By Anonymous - 24/05/2010 17:12 - Canada

Today, I went to visit my parents after 4 years of not seeing them. They moved without telling me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 727

You deserved it 19 572

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bluelabeled 0

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Monday 11 January 2010 9:16

at least you didn't cause an accident? :) sorry about your head though!

Howle 0

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Monday 11 January 2010 9:22

Excuse me but you're at the wrong blog, this should be on 'made my day'!!! :D I'd be laughing my ass off it that ever happens to me!

bluelabeled 0

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Monday 11 January 2010 9:16

at least you didn't cause an accident? :) sorry about your head though!

DeepfriedT 1

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Wednesday 25 August 2010 1:42

Not an FML, more just an lol. If it were me I'd probally start laughing.

JaydnGage 0

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Monday 11 January 2010 9:17

this is an fml how?

mae18_fml 0

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Monday 11 January 2010 9:18

omg fyl thats the worst possible thing to ever happen.

Howle 0

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Monday 11 January 2010 9:22

Excuse me but you're at the wrong blog, this should be on 'made my day'!!! :D I'd be laughing my ass off it that ever happens to me!

PirateMan 0

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Monday 11 January 2010 9:25

This FML confused me :s why were you driving in the kitchen? :s

gewt 4

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Tuesday 12 January 2010 5:43

its really dangerous to drive in the kitchen isn't it?

luckymay 0

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Wednesday 17 March 2010 9:01

hahahahaa #5 that comment confused me at first

TheMichaelIsFres 0

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Monday 11 January 2010 9:25

these so called "fml's" never seem to fail to amaze me

giosthename 0

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Monday 11 January 2010 9:29

Sorry, I'm gonna have to go with "So what?" on this one.

dissysissy 0

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Monday 11 January 2010 9:31

dont worry, people knew that u were sneezing...since it's louder than your honk

alexgonz 0

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Monday 11 January 2010 9:34

how does this suck you just hit your head and honked...

Firetroop 0

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Sunday 21 February 2010 23:56

It doesn't have to suck.

SOISOISOISOI 0

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Monday 12 April 2010 22:35

its just funny...

24788 6

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Monday 11 January 2010 9:40

Not really an FML.

Nearly

Today, I was diagnosed with anorexia. My mother still keeps on calling me a fat fuck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 0

You deserved it 0

Today, I found out my mother listens to my therapy sessions. She’s the reason I need therapy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 0

You deserved it 0

Spicy

Today, my college fuck buddy started sending my wife our dirty chat logs. Not only have I not spoken to her in years, but the logs are time/date stamped from when Obama was still President. She's never met my wife and I have no idea what she hopes to get out of this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 216

You deserved it 29

Today, I’d been bicurious for years but always much too shy to seek out a woman to attempt intimacy. Well, I finally hooked up with a girl I’ve had a crush on for a while. Not only was it an amazing, mind-blowing experience, she also left me with a crotch searing yeast infection from hell. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 114

You deserved it 274

Perfect timing!

Evil always wins

First Dates

Haters

Booty non-call

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