Miscellaneous: Today, I sneezed with so much force while I was driving that...

By Hayley - Canada

Today, I sneezed with so much force while I was driving that I whacked my head on the steering wheel and honked the horn. FML

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28485

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Miscellaneous

Proactive

The smell detective is on the case

Backwards world

By CaptainByron

Today, my father contacted me for the first time in close to 2 months. The first thing he did was ask if I wanted to buy some weed. FML

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4302

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304

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By itsgotime - United States

Today, I was running to my car, slipped, and slammed my head on the car door. I started driving to the hospital because it was bleeding profusely and I was dizzy, I called my mom to tell her what had happened. She said I was grounded for "goofing off" and that she was "sick of my shit". FML

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98190

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By anon17 - United States

Today, I discovered that my fiancé had responded to an online missed connection posting. He has been emailing, exchanging pictures and making plans to go out with this girl. We are supposed to be married in the fall and just put down the non-refundable deposit on our reception site. FML

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34521

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3247

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By egged - Singapore

Today, I came home from work and found my house egged, and bricks thrown through my windows. I called the police, and submitted a report. Later that night, I heard the doorbell ring. Nobody was at the house, but there was a note saying "Sorry, wrong house". FML

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46044

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my mother gave me an early Christmas present; a Bissell mop so I can "do a better job" when I "clean her floors". FML

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26911

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By Anonymous

Today, I went to Sunday school for the first time. The priest assured us we could ask him anything, so I did. When class ended the priest pulled me and my mom aside and asked her to stop bringing me to Sunday school until "she learns not to question the bible and accept what she is told". FML

I agree, your life sucks

5868

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715

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By blairheir721 - United States

Today, my friend Kate and I were helping build a playground. Halfway through, a construction worker asks where we go to school. I told him we graduated and proudly held degrees in psych. The construction worker stopped mid-dig, glanced at us sadly and said, "yeah that's what my degree's in too." FML

I agree, your life sucks

53195

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8776

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By Ennui - United States

Today, after being dumped just 48 hours prior, I awoke from a night of passionate lovemaking with my ex. Last night, he came to my house, romanced me, and presented a possible future. This morning, when I got up to use the restroom, my laptop, money, and ex-boyfriend were gone. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27048

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10109

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By Tori - United States

Today, I went to a restaurant with my boyfriend. Within seconds of getting my drink, I spilled it all over the table and my scarf. When the waiter was helping clean up the spill, he knocked over my boyfriend's drink. All over my pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32235

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4999

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By seriously - United States - Goshen

Today, I was being interviewed for an amazing job when I was asked what animal I would describe myself as. Trying to be prompt, I picked the first thing that came to me. I responded with, "I'd be a turtle because I'm really slow sometimes." FML

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28009

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By Noname - Canada

Today, I won $5000 dollars from a lottery ticket and tried giving the man next to me a high five. He had no hands. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35104

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9948

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By Wow

Today, I have a job interview after months of struggling to find work. I also woke up with explosive diarrhea and can’t be away from the toilet for more than 10 minutes. FML

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2523

You deserved it

133

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By Anonymous

Noise annoys

Today, my little brother got a violin. FML

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1644

You deserved it

265

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I took my girlfriend to Taco Bell since it's her favorite place to eat. I thought it'd be cute to get one of the sauce packets that says "Will you marry me?" on it and give it to her all cute-like. She thought it was adorable. While we were leaving, she threw it out. FML

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35923

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25845

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By introuble - United States

Today, as I was getting into work, I saw a co-worker of mine walking in front of me. We're really good friends and we joke around a lot, so I jokingly whistled at him and slapped his butt. Turns out it wasn't my friend, it was the new guy. Hello, sexual harassment charges. FML

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31131

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16971

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By Anonymous - Canada - Winnipeg

Today, frustrated that my boyfriend never gives me any orgasms when we make love, I tried politely hinting that he needs to improve. To start with, I said maybe he should be more spontaneous in bed. He replied, "What, like putting it in your ass? Gotcha." Great. FML

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54673

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was at work and a lady screamed at my manager for about 15 minutes, saying I needed to be fired because I couldn't get rid of all the flies buzzing around her food. She was the one who chose to eat on our patio. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35177

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2485

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By anonymous - United States - San Francisco

Today, I just got back from a two week vacation. I live with six people and only the dog was happy to see me. FML

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36898

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3573

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By whytho

Because of him

Today, I broke up with my boyfriend. I also found out I have an STD. I was clean before we dated. FML

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2327

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343

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I had the Monday meeting that I have had every week for 8 months. We had new people joining today. One of my bosses went around the room introducing people, and he forgot my name. I've been sitting across from him with a nametag for 8 months. FML

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46042

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4029

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By River - United States

Today, a stoplight turned yellow as I was approaching it. I was about to go through but saw a cop, panicked, and slammed on the brakes. I ended up in the middle of the intersection and had to reverse. Soon the light turned green, and I stepped on the gas. My car was still in reverse. FML

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18159

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55747

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, while at my mom's birthday dinner, I started to pretend to drum with one hand, using my left leg as the drums. Everybody stared at me and started to yell. Now they all think I was masturbating. FML

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27252

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11829

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By BrokenAndHurt - United States - Gilmanton

Today, my best friend decided to make some life changes. He got a new job, a new car, and asked me to move out of our apartment. We're 1,500 miles away from my hometown. I only moved all the way out here to live with him in the first place because he asked me to. FML

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12740

Phew, glad it wasn't me

1412

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By Mom2boysonly

Today, the AC broke in the car I bought brand new last August. My 3.5-year-old hates wind, even from the sunroof being open, and there's no fix for the "manufacturing defect" so far. FML

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3091

You deserved it

358

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Don't worry dad

Today, my daughter had just left for a date with her boyfriend. All of a sudden, she runs back in the house screaming "I forgot to take my birth control!" That is not something a father wants to hear. FML

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3122

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457

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By lalalalalala - United States

Today, I was excited to have a window seat on my three hour flight to New York. When I got to my row, I noticed the screaming newborn occupying the seat in front of me, and a pair of toddlers behind me. I then looked to my seat to find I have no window. FML

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35712

You deserved it

3713

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By not mine! - 16/6/2020 05:07

It wasn't me

Today, I had to make the heartbreaking decision to break up with my boyfriend and kick him out after his second relapse. A few hours later, I had police banging down my door. To get back at me, my now ex had called the cops and anonymously reported all the drugs he’d hidden around my house. FML

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2165

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184

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By urmommmm - United States

Today, it was my birthday. My parents came into my room at 12:01 to surprise me. Do you know what fifteen year olds do at midnight? FML

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50228

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25344

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By MissKitty

Special Snowflake Kitty

Today, I found out why I couldn't properly breathe nor sleep for the past 2 days. I'm allergic to the new kitty litter. This is the special litter I had to buy because my snowflake cat is allergic to all the other brands. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4945

You deserved it

678

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By pummy - United States

Today, I got an iPhone, I was excited and because I have a new number I wanted to mess with my girl a little. I started sending her provocative messages, and after 4 or 5 of them, I discovered I had entered her number wrong and was talking dirty to a man named Noah. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8206

You deserved it

33639

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By asthmattack - Australia - Mona Vale

Today, I was suffering from an asthma attack, so I grabbed my inhaler and took a puff. This was probably very disturbing for the earwig which had somehow made my puffer its home, as I discovered when it shot into my mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34222

You deserved it

2798

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By really? - United States

Today, I found a purse in the school bathroom. When I looked inside, there was an iPod along with some other expensive stuff in it. I took it to the office so the right owner would get it back. The owner passed me in the hall on the way there; she freaked out and punched me in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45615

You deserved it

3012

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By hannahj88 - Australia

Today, while working at the bakery, I slipped on a pen. I dropped the pie rack I was holding full of pies right on my face. I now have a burn mark on my cheek that looks like a swastika. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32207

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3277

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By cc13799 - United States - Brooklyn

Today, my allergies are so bad that it's affected the way my voice sounds. It's so bad my mom has taken to calling me Aflac because I sound like the duck in the commercials. FML

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42440

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4369

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By soccerscout7

Today, I was leaving school to get tested for peptic ulcers, because my stomach has been hurting for a few months. To wish me luck, one of my friends gave me a friendly punch in the stomach. I threw up blood. FML

I agree, your life sucks

49685

You deserved it

3145

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By madseason - United States

Today, I confronted my girlfriend about cheating on me. Her response was that it's not cheating since she is getting paid. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45747

You deserved it

4719

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By stupidneighbor - United States

Today, I slipped on the ice in front of my apartment, spraining my ankle and cracking a rib. While I laid on the ground immediately after, my neighbor chewed me out for saying "shit" in front of her 4-year-old on my way down. FML

I agree, your life sucks

65012

You deserved it

3510

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By anonymous - United States

Today, I had to crown the homecoming queen, a responsibility of mine as class president. It just happened to be that the queen is my ex-girlfriend that I still love, escorted by her new boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41624

You deserved it

4126

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By ofcourse - United States

Today, I got a promotion to management at work. My employer decided to give the 'non-management' employees a really nice raise. Which means the job I had before my promotion is now paying more than the job I have now. Did I just get demoted? FML

I agree, your life sucks

44794

You deserved it

2603

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, a customer handed me the ankle-length hosiery she had just used to try on some shoes, and as I sat there feeling the warm dampness of them in the palm of my hand, she said "You should throw those away, I have a toe fungus." FML

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32926

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Top comments

By bluelabeled | 0

#767684 - Monday 11 January 2010 9:16

at least you didn't cause an accident? :)
sorry about your head though!

By Howle | 0

#767702 - Monday 11 January 2010 9:22

Excuse me but you're at the wrong blog, this should be on 'made my day'!!! :D
I'd be laughing my ass off it that ever happens to me!

COMMENTS

By bluelabeled | 0

#767684 - Monday 11 January 2010 9:16

at least you didn't cause an accident? :)
sorry about your head though!

DeepfriedT | 1

#1297322 - Wednesday 25 August 2010 1:42

Not an FML, more just an lol. If it were me I'd probally start laughing.

By JaydnGage | 0

#767686 - Monday 11 January 2010 9:17

this is an fml how?

By mae18_fml | 0

#767689 - Monday 11 January 2010 9:18

omg fyl thats the worst possible thing to ever happen.

By Howle | 0

#767702 - Monday 11 January 2010 9:22

Excuse me but you're at the wrong blog, this should be on 'made my day'!!! :D
I'd be laughing my ass off it that ever happens to me!

By PirateMan | 0

#767711 - Monday 11 January 2010 9:25

This FML confused me :s why were you driving in the kitchen? :s

gewt | 4

#769719 - Tuesday 12 January 2010 5:43

its really dangerous to drive in the kitchen isn't it?

luckymay | 0

#957079 - Wednesday 17 March 2010 9:01

hahahahaa #5 that comment confused me at first

By TheMichaelIsFres | 0

#767712 - Monday 11 January 2010 9:25

these so called "fml's" never seem to fail to amaze me

By giosthename | 0

#767723 - Monday 11 January 2010 9:29

Sorry, I'm gonna have to go with "So what?" on this one.

By dissysissy | 0

#767727 - Monday 11 January 2010 9:31

dont worry, people knew that u were sneezing...since it's louder than your honk

By alexgonz | 0

#767734 - Monday 11 January 2010 9:34

how does this suck you just hit your head and honked...

Firetroop | 0

#880185 - Sunday 21 February 2010 23:56

It doesn't have to suck.

SOISOISOISOI | 0

#979112 - Monday 12 April 2010 22:35

its just funny...

By 24788 | 6

#767747 - Monday 11 January 2010 9:40

Not really an FML.