Today, I sneezed with so much force while I was driving that...

By Hayley - 11/1/2010 03:37 - Canada

Today, I sneezed with so much force while I was driving that I whacked my head on the steering wheel and honked the horn. FML

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Miscellaneous

Who's a good boy?

Goodbye Bill

Don't you know that you're toxic?

By Anonymous - 17/2/2016 12:32 - Netherlands

Today, my now ex-boyfriend told me that I was the one. Not at this moment though, he wants to see how far he can go with his best female friend. But once he's done with her, we can be together. FML

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By Anonymous - 14/9/2011 09:55 - United States

Today, I paid a repair man $65 to come to my house and fix my washer. He walked in, looked at the washer, bent over and removed a large steel bolt with a bright red tag sticking out the side saying "Remove before use." He then looked at me and said "all fixed." FML

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By taylortotscx - 27/5/2012 17:15 - United States - Ocala

Today, I went to Busch Gardens. Trying to cool off, I got on a ride that soaked me to the bone. For the rest of the time I was there, my bra was visible through my clothes, along with the "Hell Yeah" printed on my underwear. FML

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By be_so_slick_56 - 16/1/2010 17:51 - United States

Today, I found on the internet pictures of me sleeping. I sleep naked. FML

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By whathehell - 27/4/2013 08:28 - United Kingdom

Today, I was walking through a rough part of town, when a woman screamed that I'd stolen her bag. I was tackled to the ground by a large guy, who then gave my bag to her. FML

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By Terminator101101 - 30/5/2013 23:06 - United States - Las Vegas

Today, my girlfriend thought it would be funny to go to the Apple store and log me on to Facebook on every single computer. FML

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By pianonerd - 15/9/2009 06:16 - Canada

Today, my piano teacher told me that she "forgot" to inform me that she volunteered me to play a 5 page song in a recital in front of 300 people that's happening next week. FML

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By iAmJasper - 17/9/2014 21:56 - United States - Sun Prairie

Today, my friends came over to my house to eat my food and make fun of me as they played on my Xbox. FML

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By Studying is for crazy people. - 22/11/2014 04:36 - United States - Stockton

Today, I was studying for my Spanish midterm nonstop. After I closed my book, I was so tired that I thought that my cat was asking me questions in Spanish. FML

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By fishoutofwater - 3/12/2015 04:22 - United States - Radcliff

Today, in an attempt to broaden my horizons in another sport besides swimming, I succeeded in getting a frisbee spiked into my face. FML

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By Anonymous - 17/1/2010 00:46 - Canada

Today, I woke up at 2:30 AM. Thinking I was going to be late for my 3:30 AM flight, I rushed into the bathroom to shower. As I came out of the shower, I slipped and broke my arm. I then realized my flight is tomorrow. FML

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By daddysboy123 - 6/8/2009 15:40 - United States

Today, I found what I assumed was my laptop, though my mother has the same one. As I opened it, I was greeted by a video of my father waving. He wasn't using his hands. FML

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By Anonymous - 4/7/2020 23:03

Dead to me

Today, and for the last week, I've been dreaming only to wake up when my dream-self commits suicide. I'm generally a happy person, so I've no idea why my subconscious is killing me so often. This time, I stuck my face in an industrial-size blender. I can still feel my jaw rattling from the impact. FML

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By Anonymous - 12/11/2010 05:37 - United States

Today, I accidentally set off an alarm at the school I work for. No one was there, I didn't have the code or password the company needed, my boss wouldn't answer his phone, 3 policemen interrogated me and asked for ID but realized I left home without my wallet. There was nothing I could do. I cried. FML

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By OhNo - 22/1/2016 21:28 - United States - Bakersfield

Today, I accidentally stood up my first date ever. How? I spent all of last night cleaning my parents' house for extra spending money to make sure the date went perfect, but I ended up sleeping through the alarm as well. FML

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By Anonymous - 11/9/2011 19:16 - United Kingdom

Today, I had to clean up after the kid that discovered he could finger paint with his poo. FML

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By Anonymous - 5/9/2019 16:00

Hairline fracture

Today, I ended things with the love of my life. I kept my composure the entire conversation, and was even fine when I got home. It wasn't until I was showering at night and found one of his hairs in my butt crack that I lost it. FML

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By smyp - 27/5/2015 22:27 - Lithuania - Vilnius

Today, I was let go from my job, because I "progress too quickly and there's no promotions available" and I "can find a better place to work at". FML

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By cc - 24/11/2009 05:03 - United States

Today, I was talking to my boyfriend about how I'm self conscious about my weight. He looks at me and says, "Don't worry babe, I've always been kind of a chubby chaser." FML

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By Anonymous - 6/4/2020 20:00 - Australia

Itchy and Scratchy

Today, I put a collar on my dog to get rid of his fleas. Good news? He doesn't have fleas anymore. Bad news? They've moved onto the rest of my family. FML

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By ShouldveStayedAVirgin - 13/1/2016 18:30 - United States - Houston

Today, I lost my virginity to my boyfriend of 7 years. He thrusted as fast as rabbits. I waited years for 10 seconds. FML

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By Anonymous - 20/7/2016 22:28 - United States - Columbus

Today, I went to a new doctor. While filling out charts she looked up and said, "I'm assuming you are single." FML

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By goodlord12 - 17/1/2013 07:53 - United States - Branson

Today, I let my friend bleach my hair, which resulted in it falling out in clumps. I spent $150 at the beauty salon fixing it and cutting most of it off. I sent the pictures of my new hair to my friends, and I got the same reply from each and every one of them: "That better be a wig." FML

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By Anon - 1/5/2009 14:17 - United States

Today, I had woken up very excited to celebrate my 21st birthday. I roll over in bed and ask my boyfriend if we can go out to the park to have a picnic, considering the lovely weather. He looked up at me and said, "You wish I loved you that much." He rolled back over and slept until 3 p.m. FML

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By Carrie - 3/3/2010 13:21 - United States

Today, I was on a date with a guy I met online. After 30 minutes, he abruptly stands up and says he has to leave. He practically ran out of Starbucks to get away from me. FML

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By Anonymous - 30/10/2014 22:16 - Israel - Tel Aviv

Today, my now ex-boyfriend actually tried to justify his cheating by saying it doesn't count as cheating if the girl's bisexual. FML

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By Reno - 15/4/2013 16:25 - United States - Reno

Today, while trying to find my phone in the depths of the sheets on my bed, I gave my comforter a huge shake. A second later, I heard a crash. My phone had miraculously flown straight into the glass of water on my nightstand. Found it. FML

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By Jenna Berreth - 7/10/2019 16:00

Ask first, snoop later

Today, I was trying to find my missing purple pen in the house I share with my boyfriend and his 57 year-old mother. I checked her room just in case, only to open a drawer and be greeted by a dildo. I’m never going to unsee that. FML

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By Anonymous - 13/11/2009 22:29 - United States

Today, I learned I have over $10,000 in debt, despite never owning a credit card. Apparently, my ex-roommate had been replying to the credit card offers I was receiving in the mail. That also explains my missing driver's license a few months back. FML

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By Anonymous - 1/1/2013 18:23 - United States - El Cajon

Today, I woke up to a small fire on my roof, burning up small twigs and branches. The cause? Last night, I threw a sparkling firecracker up very high, only to have it blown onto my roof by the wind. It's going to take $2,000 to fix the damage. FML

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By Anonymous - 1/9/2017 20:00

Today, I put a magnet on my brand new car. I got rear-ended by someone who was trying to read it. FML

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By BambooLove - 15/7/2010 06:53 - United States

Today, my boyfriend woke up wheezing terribly, aching, and sneezing. He's allergic to cats. I have 2 and they are my babies. He gave me an ultimatum, him or the cats. I haven't figured out how I'm going to tell him that I choose the cats. FML

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By Teddy Bear - 12/1/2019 16:00

Today, while working in a kids' shop, I absent-mindedly called a small person with his mum a little man. I then hear a deep man's voice say "I'm not a little man." FML

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By socks - 7/12/2011 05:32 - United States

Today, I noticed I'd mislaid one half of the "Monday" pair of socks from my "days of the week" set that were a gift for my birthday. I'm slightly OCD. I think I'm going to rip the floorboards up if I don't find it. FML

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By egged - 8/7/2014 01:41 - Singapore - Singapore

Today, I had this really high fever and my sister decides I'm hot enough to fry an egg on. So I'm lying in bed now, still terribly feverish but smelling of the egg she cracked on my back. FML

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By sickpuppy - 8/9/2019 12:00

Geometry

Today, I learned the hard way that when sick, throw up, then have diarrhea. Not the other way round. FML

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By chunderful202 - 24/12/2012 08:46 - United Kingdom - Romford

Today, I woke up with a hangover from hell. My clothes were stained with vomit, I was propped up on the sofa with a bowl between my knees, and my hair tied to one side. My mum was taking photos to send to Grandma. FML

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By Noname - 24/2/2009 22:57 - United States

Today, I asked a very cute fireman for his number "just in case I needed him to come to my rescue"... He told me "Yeah sure!" and scribbled it down. After he walked away I read his note: "911". FML

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By sanoria51 - 26/4/2013 23:58 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I had to explain to my friend that the hot girl he's been sending nudes to and cybering with for the past month is probably a bored, fat-as-fuck, balding male living in his mum's basement. The look on his face after I proved that "her" pictures were fake broke my heart. FML

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By LonelyBoy - 1/2/2011 13:05 - Australia

Today, I was going through the history on my computer. Apparently, while I was at school my mother used my computer, and I now know my mother wants to learn how to make her breasts look larger, amongst other things. FML

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Top comments

By bluelabeled | 0

#767684 - Monday 11 January 2010 9:16

at least you didn't cause an accident? :)
sorry about your head though!

By Howle | 0

#767702 - Monday 11 January 2010 9:22

Excuse me but you're at the wrong blog, this should be on 'made my day'!!! :D
I'd be laughing my ass off it that ever happens to me!

Comments

By bluelabeled | 0

#767684 - Monday 11 January 2010 9:16

at least you didn't cause an accident? :)
sorry about your head though!

DeepfriedT | 1

#1297322 - Wednesday 25 August 2010 1:42

Not an FML, more just an lol. If it were me I'd probally start laughing.

By JaydnGage | 0

#767686 - Monday 11 January 2010 9:17

this is an fml how?

By mae18_fml | 0

#767689 - Monday 11 January 2010 9:18

omg fyl thats the worst possible thing to ever happen.

By Howle | 0

#767702 - Monday 11 January 2010 9:22

Excuse me but you're at the wrong blog, this should be on 'made my day'!!! :D
I'd be laughing my ass off it that ever happens to me!

By PirateMan | 0

#767711 - Monday 11 January 2010 9:25

This FML confused me :s why were you driving in the kitchen? :s

gewt | 4

#769719 - Tuesday 12 January 2010 5:43

its really dangerous to drive in the kitchen isn't it?

luckymay | 0

#957079 - Wednesday 17 March 2010 9:01

hahahahaa #5 that comment confused me at first

By TheMichaelIsFres | 0

#767712 - Monday 11 January 2010 9:25

these so called "fml's" never seem to fail to amaze me

By giosthename | 0

#767723 - Monday 11 January 2010 9:29

Sorry, I'm gonna have to go with "So what?" on this one.

By dissysissy | 0

#767727 - Monday 11 January 2010 9:31

dont worry, people knew that u were sneezing...since it's louder than your honk

By alexgonz | 0

#767734 - Monday 11 January 2010 9:34

how does this suck you just hit your head and honked...

Firetroop | 0

#880185 - Sunday 21 February 2010 23:56

It doesn't have to suck.

SOISOISOISOI | 0

#979112 - Monday 12 April 2010 22:35

its just funny...

By 24788 | 6

#767747 - Monday 11 January 2010 9:40

Not really an FML.