Kids: Today, I sent my mom an email with "Bad news" for the subject....

By EmmaG123 - 28/02/2009 05:54 - United States

Today, I sent my mom an email with "Bad news" for the subject. At the end of her reply, she said, "And don't scare me! I thought you were going to tell me you're pregnant!" I AM pregnant, and wanted to surprise her on her birthday. Guess I should get her something less disappointing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 925

You deserved it 5 076

Kids

Own it

Compromises

Right under your nose

By Anonymous - 08/12/2011 18:14 - United States

Today, marks the two weeks since my paycheck should have arrived. During these two weeks, my battery has failed, tire has blown, and my phone and water bill have become past due. When I called the guy who's supposed to pay me, he said he has a note about it "somewhere on my desk". FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 755

You deserved it 2 295

By stupid - 21/12/2010 15:21 - Ireland

Today, I walked to school in -5 degree weather, snow up to ankles, for an exam. The school had closed and warned all the parents, but mine didn't tell me, because it was "funnier". FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 568

You deserved it 4 593

By Anonymous - 22/03/2016 18:37 - Puerto Rico - San Juan

Today, and the 4 months preceding it, my neighbors had been remodeling their house, which meant jackhammer noises every morning. The one day they take a break, my other neighbor decides to start a remodeling project. It'll only be two more months of this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 265

You deserved it 1 166

Bigmouth strikes again

By Anonymous - 19/09/2020 08:01 - United States

Today, my boyfriend came over. My mom told him the story about the time she caught me having sex with my ex-boyfriend. My ex is his best friend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 707

You deserved it 1 081

Empathy

By jess - 29/07/2020 20:02

Today, my friends were showing me infomercials and laughing at how clumsy and stupid the people were. I could relate to every single one of them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 116

You deserved it 239

Caught in 4K

By Anonymous - 09/11/2021 17:00

Today, my wife and I were looking online at the house her piano teacher is selling. When she said, "Oh the bedroom looks much larger with the furniture gone," a long awkward silence followed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 504

You deserved it 119

By Anonymous - 01/02/2010 19:29 - United Kingdom

Today, I was giving a class presentation, when I suddenly sneezed so hard I wet myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 824

You deserved it 4 099

By numb fingers - 15/04/2016 05:54 - United States - Banning

Today, as I was stretching, I realized my hand can reach all the way up to touch the fan, when it was on, and going full speed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 916

You deserved it 3 721

By Anonymous - 20/10/2013 19:56 - United States - West Babylon

Today, a few of my friends arranged for us to go skinny-dipping with the guy I really like. It went really well, until a turd surfaced before our eyes. After we scrambled out of the pool in panic, my crush called us all freaks and left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 884

You deserved it 6 080

By hiker - 29/03/2011 19:00 - United States

Today, my dad said that if I walked home from school, a distance of 8 miles, he would give me $50. Two hours and four massive blisters later, I come home. When I asked for my money, he said "I was kidding." FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 438

You deserved it 14 179

By miss_peppermint - 14/12/2018 13:30

Today, my dog of 10 years died suddenly. My husband’s response? “At least you don’t have to buy dog food anymore". FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 903

You deserved it 205

By Anonymous - 08/08/2019 20:00 - United States

Today, my drunk sister threw up on me while I was sleeping. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 588

You deserved it 91

By fucked - 24/08/2014 20:03 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I landed my first job as a security officer. Only after I signed all the paperwork did I find out that the area I'll be working is apparently a hotspot for violent shootings. I'm screwed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 311

You deserved it 6 177

Thanks, that fixed it

By Anonymous - 20/09/2021 20:00

Today, my coworker touched me inappropriately. I reported it to HR, and all they said was, "Do you want to talk to a therapist?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 104

You deserved it 106

…and then everyone clapped

By boobsnbaseball - 02/07/2021 05:59

Today, my boyfriend and I got put on the Kiss cam at a baseball game. Instead of kissing me, he grabbed my boobs and got the biggest round of applause I have heard in my life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 926

You deserved it 160

By Tired - 12/01/2015 14:36 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I showed up to work at 6am, only to find out the schedule was changed. I wasn't actually supposed to be there until 9:15. My boss never told me this. I didn't get to go home either, he just said "Oh well. Get to work." FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 337

You deserved it 2 958

By Anonymous - 31/07/2013 16:49 - United States - Pleasanton

Today, I found out that when I text my boyfriend, he isn't the one to read them. Instead, he pays his friend to "keep the bitch busy." FML

I agree, your life sucks 65 892

You deserved it 6 957

By Lonely - 02/08/2018 15:00

Today, I sent a question to a newspaper self-help column about how I often feel ignored. I quickly received a note telling me to not feel ignored, but due to the volume of questions, I would likely not receive a response. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 922

You deserved it 333

By jaymaag25 - 20/10/2016 06:28 - United States - Saint Joseph

Today, it seems like everyone in my family knew about my boyfriend's new engagement, all except me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 090

You deserved it 931

By Anonymous - 22/12/2013 06:56 - Australia - Elwood

Today, I got a call at 4 in the morning from the security company, saying someone had broken into my workplace. I drove an hour out there, only to find out it was a rat that had set off the alarm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 478

You deserved it 3 350

By WOWreally - 25/09/2009 06:24 - United States

Today, I decided to surprise my husband in the shower. I got in and we were talking and goofing around and I stuck out my chest and sucked in my stomach being stupid and my husband says "Wait! Do it again! That's how you looked when I first met you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 915

You deserved it 12 063

By Angry - 04/08/2009 20:21 - United States

Today, I found a pair of women's underwear in the laundry that wasn't mine. I confronted my boyfriend about it. They were his. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 828

You deserved it 7 158

Grossed out

By Jodi Sanford - 09/10/2021 11:01

Today, I asked my roommate to spit in the toilet instead of the sink so I wouldn't have to touch it. When I rinsed the sink after brushing my teeth, he said, "Why would you touch the sink? It’s gross." FML

I agree, your life sucks 594

You deserved it 255

By ashleeylynn - 15/03/2010 15:05 - United States

Today, I got mugged. They wanted my phone and wallet. The most important thing in my wallet was my fully punched Smoothie King card. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 103

You deserved it 3 929

By Anonymous - 16/01/2010 16:44 - United States

Today, I lost my virginity to my amazing boyfriend. As we were getting dressed, I realized I had lost my bra. After intense searching I finally found it and put it on. It wasn't mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 651

You deserved it 4 189

By I'veRunOuttaPatience - 31/08/2018 03:30

Today, I got scolded for how I treated my aunt and uncle's dogs while pet sitting. I was told it was my fault they had explosive diarrhea for "locking" them in the room they'd told me to put them in at night and doing everything they said when I reported they were sick. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 893

You deserved it 201

By Crappyfayman - 23/02/2010 02:46 - United States

Today, someone gave me a note to pass along to a girl in class. The note had the girl's name surrounded by hearts. When I gave it to her, she assumed it was a love note from me, and said "Not in a million years, fat ass" before I could say it was from someone else. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 641

You deserved it 3 573

By jonjon - 13/06/2010 13:16 - United States

Today, after spending the evening with friends, I went home and realized that the living room light was on. Thinking someone was robbing me, I hid behind a bush. I got impatient and crept up to the door. Then I remembered that I'd left the light on before I left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 929

You deserved it 47 160

By re2K5 - 25/07/2009 16:39 - Korea Republic of

Today, I passed a homeless person asking for change. When I politely apologized and told him I had none, he yelled angrily "who comes to this city without money?" I replied "apparently, you do." Wrong answer. He followed me, now screaming. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 117

You deserved it 28 606

By Xerfox - 03/07/2016 18:05 - Germany - L?wenstein

Today, I found out the German I've been learning for nearly a month is a dialect only spoken by people in a small area of the country. This means I'll need to re-learn most of what I thought I knew. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 307

You deserved it 1 925

By Anonymous - 30/12/2012 19:21 - Germany - Neunkirchen

Today, I returned to Germany for a break from my studies abroad. I got lost while out for groceries, so I tried asking a guy for directions. I went totally blank and strained to think of the right words, prompting him to mutter about rude foreigners not bothering to learn the local language. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 884

You deserved it 5 336

By Anonymous - 13/10/2010 15:28 - United Kingdom

Today, I got fined when my fat dog decided to walk across a private film set to get at the catering area. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 963

You deserved it 10 068

By Anonymous - 03/02/2013 07:14 - United States - Fort Collins

Today, after having lost my phone three days ago, I paid a $150 non-refundable fee to have my phone replaced and mailed to me by Tuesday. A half hour later, I found my original phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 387

You deserved it 16 073

Bad timing

By Anonymous - 23/05/2021 08:01 - Norway - Trondheim

Today, I just came out of a two-year long depression. I'm finally starting to feel normal, so of course I get a message that my grandmother might have less than a year to live. FML

I agree, your life sucks 882

You deserved it 72

By MSURebel70 - 16/07/2010 23:48 - United States

Today, I found out I've been incorrectly sorting thousands of papers for the past two weeks. My boss wanted them sorted by date, but the co-worker who instructed me said to sort them into alphabetical order just to watch me fail. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 859

You deserved it 3 342

By Anonymous - 02/02/2017 19:00 - United States - Spearfish

Today, my dumbass cat sat on a lit candle. The whole house now smells like burnt hair and I now have to clip clumps of wax-burnt hair off his bum. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 961

You deserved it 936

By Anonymous - 09/09/2009 17:21 - United States

Today, I found out why my husband had wanted to wait until marriage to get it on. Last night was the first night of our honeymoon, and he informed me that he wasn't always Ben, but used to be Brenda. His 'penis' doesn't work and he had wanted to know I "truly loved him" before he had let me know. FML

I agree, your life sucks 202 112

You deserved it 21 710

By sadlife - 09/07/2009 18:50 - Canada

Today, I opened my lunch in front of my friends at university. I had a note in my lunch from my mother that said "Have a good day sweetie! - Love mom". I wrote that note, and put it in my lunch to impress my friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 266

You deserved it 66 380

Melted

By Anonymous - 31/01/2021 03:30

Today, I found one of my boyfriend's earbuds in the dryer. He's gonna be pissed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 635

You deserved it 135

By Awkward Jeff - 26/05/2019 12:30

Today, I was home alone, so for fun I put red lipstick on. A few minutes later, my doorbell rang. I managed to get it off before I got the door. I saw my neighbor, and had a long conversation with him. After which, I came inside and realized I had lipstick all over my teeth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 364

You deserved it 747

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fgsfds 3

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Saturday 28 February 2009 16:20

#3: Debate at school yesterday, someone asked if I was pro-abortion. I said, "Well I wouldn't say pro, but I'm pretty good with a coat hanger." Didn't go down well.

wolfy_fml 5

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Saturday 28 February 2009 18:31

A few weeks after I discovered that I was pregnant, I posted something on my (old) LiveJournal that sort of sounded like I was. I was not happy with it, since it was unplanned and the result of protection failling and I thought I was too young (20, and never wanting to be a parent). Some of my parents friends had found my journal and were keeping my parents in the loop as to what I said on it. My mother and step-father like to treat me as if I am 10 years old... Well anyway, they took the hour+ it took to drive to my duplex and proceeded to scream at me about (possibly) being pregnant. I was only about 3 months along then, so I denied it because they were so mad. I ended up not showing through most of the pregnancy and didn't tell them until Christmas Eve. I had the baby on Jan 8th. We haven't spoken in going on 4 years now. My son recently turned 5.

Poky_fml 3

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Saturday 28 February 2009 16:13

So, Happy Birthday mommy!

greenman_fml 0

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Saturday 28 February 2009 16:19

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

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AndyTwin2 0

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Thursday 11 March 2010 4:55

wow!!! what a horrible comment!!!! that's not funny.. not even by a little..

FreeRunn3r 12

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Friday 30 April 2010 12:50

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

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lovely220 0

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Friday 13 August 2010 7:43

People like you make me question the progress of the United States. People like you are so ignorant, judging people by their skin color. You are so racist and "bring on the hate"? You already brought it bastard.

stewie9 0

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Monday 11 July 2011 17:59

just... just no

ohshyte 0

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Saturday 28 February 2009 16:20

yeah that sucks, are you married?

domolovesyoshi 33

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Tuesday 13 May 2014 12:16

what's it matter? and I just figured out you asked incase mums religious my bad

fgsfds 3

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Saturday 28 February 2009 16:20

#3: Debate at school yesterday, someone asked if I was pro-abortion. I said, "Well I wouldn't say pro, but I'm pretty good with a coat hanger." Didn't go down well.

Bibico_fml 0

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Saturday 28 February 2009 16:35

Well, at least now you know what she /doesn't/ want for her birthday. Maybe you should start with, "Good news! I finally found a boyfriend!" .... even if that's not true.

ellykhoshkele 0

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Saturday 28 February 2009 17:02

awww congrates sweetheart! i m sure ur mummy didnt mean it that way! she probably jus did not expect it! and anyways the fact that u wanted to tell her this as a birthday gift shows that u are old enough and mature enough to have a baby... so yeah dun worry i m sure ur mum will be very happy once she does hear the news! congrates again!

coolkod1005 2

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Tuesday 17 April 2012 6:51

Aww u are so sweet to her I wish there were more people like u on fml

wolfy_fml 5

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Saturday 28 February 2009 18:31

hipposrcute10 1

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Friday 10 June 2011 4:11

im really sorry. thats tough...

Courtney_Sanders 6

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Saturday 3 December 2011 14:33

Wow, that's just horrible. You were 20 years old when it happen so legally able to make your own decisions and own up to you're own responsibilities. That's sad that they reacted that way and I'm sorry that happened. I, too, was 20 when I found out I was pregnant. I didn't talk to my father for the most part of my pregnancy because he was so upset. But when I went into labor, he was one of the first ones there. Anyways, I hope things turn out for the better in the future. Not only for yourself, but for THEIR grandchild.

alwaysalady 0

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Saturday 28 February 2009 19:28

My husband and I decided to have a baby early in our marriage because we had good savings. We figured it'd take at least a year. Three months into the marriage and BAM! Baby! We were all excited and went to tell my parents, and my father flipped shit at my husband. As a general rule, parents don't like to think about their daughters pregnant, however, they almost always love the baby. You mom will probably come around. Especially if you are an adult, which it sounds like you are.