Today, I sent my mom a link to a news article via Facebook. Immediately...

By mako - 26/5/2017 02:00

Today, I sent my mom a link to a news article via Facebook. Immediately after sending, however, I noticed I had forgotten to copy the news article's link, and what I had sent instead was the last thing I had copied and pasted: a porn link. FML

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Intimacy

Alexa, play "Paranoid" by Black Sabbath

Live dumping

You snooze, you lose

By Anonymous - 6/9/2012 01:34 - Canada

Today, I told a girl that she had very pretty eyes. I then had to rinse pepper spray from my own. FML

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By satisfied88 - 2/6/2011 14:49

Today, I had an orgasm for the first time in almost 3 months. My husband was beaming, saying he had given it his all and was ecstatic that he had finally satisfied me. But to be honest, I'd remembered we had a bag of potato chips in the kitchen. FML

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By Anonymous - 13/1/2010 21:41 - United States

Today, I did a 'dine and dash' and left my phone in the restaurant. The owner answered my phone call. FML

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By Oh dear... - 20/2/2009 05:25 - United States

Today, I told my college friend that I considered her to be my best friend. She responded, "I don't think you should call me that." FML

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By lockedoutbabysitter - 9/3/2010 17:19 - United States

Today, I was babysitting. Being kind, I went to grab their mail, while their 4 year old ate lunch. He locked me out, wrecked the house, and let me in right when he saw their car two hours later. I didn't get paid. I paid them. FML

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By lexiibabe - 25/6/2019 18:30 - United States - Attleboro

Today, my older brother gave me his old phone. He didn't realize that he hadn't deleted his pictures. I found a bunch of him wearing my underwear and bras. FML

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By mainche - 20/1/2009 07:13 - France

Today, in the forest, I hit my foot against a half-buried metal thing. I dug into the ground, and found a beautiful box, heavy enough to not be empty. I imagined myself with gold coins. Inside was the corpse of a cat. FML

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By Nylo - 29/1/2018 01:30

Today, I made my first ever chocolate fudge, which turned out really nice. I had a bite and left it on the counter with plastic wrap covering, only to come back later to find my sister's cat pissing on it. FML

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By Dante - 7/1/2011 00:26

Today, I fell and got a nasty cut above my right eye. The doctor in the ER sealed the wound with surgical glue. He also glued his glove to my eyebrow, and let glue run onto my eyelid. Not only do I have a scar and medical bill, I now have no eyebrow or eyelashes on my right eye. FML

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By huwauw - 17/9/2010 20:33 - United States

Today, I was doing my homework on the computer when my dad walked by with a plate of food, threw his fork at me, and said "POSTURE!" FML

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By Anonymous - 1/3/2015 18:59 - United Kingdom - Wetheringsett

Today, my boyfriend dumped me for another girl, via a text message ending with "No hard feelings. Well xcept 4 my cock obvs. ;)" Fuck you, Rick. FML

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By sucker - 7/9/2019 17:01 - United States - Duluth

Alexa, play "I'm Not In Love" by 10CC

Today, I went on a date I was really enjoying. My ex-boyfriend called halfway through. When I answered, he told me he wanted to get back together and couldn’t stop thinking about me. I didn’t realize my phone was on speaker. My date heard everything. FML

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By Anonymous - 13/6/2013 18:56 - India - Pune

Today, I decided to introduce my boyfriend to my parents. My dad just looked him dead in the eyes and said, "How much did she pay you? I doubt it was enough." FML

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By Lou - 21/12/2018 18:00

I chose 2 children to buy Christmas for from the local crisis center. Delivered the gifts to the designated spot. Receive a message on fb 4 days later asking when I will be dropping off my toys. Seems they’ve been misplaced. Merry Christmas to all.

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By Anonymous - 12/3/2013 18:27 - United States - Westerville

Today, my fiancé had to perform his first prostate exam. He told me he was quite nervous about it, so I reminded him that he did fine on his first pelvic exam last month. His response: "Yeah, but I've had my hands up plenty of vaginas already." FML

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By GeorgiaBOYY - 4/1/2010 17:40 - United States

Today, while using the bathroom on an airplane, someone walked in on me wiping my butt. That person just so happened to be the stranger I was sitting next to. It was an 8 hour flight. FML

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By yeasty - 6/7/2009 00:06 - United States

Today, I went to the drug store to pick up some Monistat for a yeast infection. As I was leaving the store, the security alarm went off. The attractive security guard asked to see my receipt, smiled, told me I looked nice, so I handed him the receipt. His face then abruptly changed to a look of disgust. FML

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By Anonymous - 3/4/2018 05:00

Today, my boyfriend put chili powder on our loo roll as a "harmless" prank. He forgot women use loo roll to wipe the sensitive parts of their bodies. I have itchy weeping sores inside my vagina and am considering sticking an ice cube up there to stop the burning. FML

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By hospitalflunky - 28/3/2009 06:35 - United States

Today, I got an email from a professor saying he was going to fail me for missing the alloted absences, which is school policy. I pointed out I was in the hospital for two weeks with a life threatening illness and that he even came to visit me. He told me "rules are rules." FML

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By cmendez - 26/2/2010 05:02 - United States

Today, my mother who is 75 years old just told me and my sister that we are adopted. I'm 45 years old and my sister is 49. FML

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By happybirthday - 6/3/2010 19:42 - United States

Today, my husband bought me a beautiful pair of earrings for my birthday, to match the necklace he'd spent months searching for online the previous year. What necklace? He gave me a watch he found at Walmart last year. I wonder who the lucky girl with the necklace is. FML

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By VampiresSayRawr - 28/3/2009 03:16 - Canada

Today, I tried having intercourse with my boyfriend, and about 30 seconds in, I heard flipping. He was looking at a porn magazine. "It's to keep my erection" he answered. FML

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By Eddie B - 18/10/2019 20:00

Scammed

Today, I found out that I'm just one of the millions who got scammed by what seemed to be a legit website. None of the negative reviews or bugs appeared until after I spent a fortune of someone else’s money on a server that will never arrive. FML

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By therosalina - 1/10/2018 10:30 - United States - Duluth

Today, my dad moved my car onto the street so he wouldn't accidentally back into it while moving our boat. My neighbor backed into it instead. FML

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By Stormy - 18/6/2011 21:49 - United States

Today, after a long and tiring day at work, I went to the movies, loaded up on soda, popcorn, and candy. I ended up falling asleep and being woken up two hours later by an usher. FML

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By floppy - 9/8/2019 06:00 - Australia

Today, my house caught fire and almost burned down. My neighbour, who has always hated me, came up, patted me on the back, and said, "That sucks for you." FML

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By anonymous - 18/9/2009 04:20 - United States

Today, I got pulled over for going a few miles per hour over the speed limit. The cop asked for my license and registration. I happened to look down at my wallet while he was processing everything and saw my license in my wallet. I gave the cop my fake I.D. FML

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By Anonymous - 13/11/2012 02:47 - United States - Killington

Today, I found my childhood diary stashed in a box in the attic. I flipped to the last page and noticed a little note written by my now deceased father. It read, "Well son, this diary proves that you're a whiny asshole - Dad." Thanks Dad, from beyond the grave. FML

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By holycommander - 26/3/2013 20:20 - United States

Today, I woke up next to my girlfriend. I was woken up by my mother breaking into my house to tell me I need to get ready for work. Then she got mad that I had a girl over. I'm 20. FML

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By mclovin09 - 18/12/2009 19:52 - United States

Today, my wife entered in an ugliest sweater competition at her work. She wore a plain white sweater with a picture of my face printed on it. She came home with first prize. FML

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By makdra - 6/1/2016 18:01

Today, I found out my mom can't wait until I turn 18, so she can kick me out and turn my room into a huge closet for all her clothes. FML

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By Anonymous - 19/1/2016 23:36 - Canada - Calgary

Today, I was told that if I was caught yawning again, I'd be fired. FML

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By Anonymous - 7/12/2010 16:09 - Guatemala

Today, I got mugged. After taking my cell phone, the guy politely said: "Thanks. Have a nice evening. Be careful on your way home." FML

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By nix1993 - 19/10/2019 21:00 - United Kingdom - Chorley

My Humps

Today, I visited my old job to pick up some paperwork. Since leaving over a year ago, I’ve lost over 60lbs, but I’m currently 6 months pregnant. Not a single person believed that I'm pregnant. FML

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By BaconBreathBlonde - 30/10/2009 00:33 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were making out, holding hands, and he was playing with a strand of my hair. I thought the whole thing was very romantic. He then said he loved how my mouth tasted like bacon. FML

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By GHTD - 27/1/2011 11:20 - United Kingdom

Today, at work, whilst on hold to an important client, I said to my co-workers "F*cking hell, this woman sounds high as a kite". I heard a cough on the other end of the phone. All calls are recorded. FML

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By Anonymous - 4/12/2019 20:00

Where is everyone?

Today, I tried to have a game night at my house. Suggesting a popular card game that everyone plays, snacks, and BYOB. No one showed or even said they weren't coming. FML

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By car_FAILure - 23/2/2010 05:17 - New Zealand

Today, I went to Uni. I woke up at six and got to the station as the train was leaving. I was congratulating myself on my brilliant skill when, as we passed the carpark, I saw I had left my headlights on. It later cost more for the lead to jump start my car than it would have to drive to Uni myself. FML

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By Anonymous - 13/9/2016 02:51 - United States - Omaha

Today, I was laying in my bed and discovered a couple stray black hairs scattered about. This was odd considering I have light strawberry blonde hair but I forgot about it only to later see my hair brush have more of the same black hairs. I live alone. I'm scared. FML

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By samaram - 4/6/2013 06:47 - United States

Today, during a series of violent sneezes due to a cold, I bit my tongue. My tongue is now so swollen I cannot close my mouth and am drooling profusely. I have to get ready to go to my job as a cashier. FML

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Top comments

By Glowworm56 | 25

#7460422 - Friday 26 May 2017 2:16

Facebook just became Disgracebook for you.

By Robert Kenneth Marshall | 6

#7460420 - Friday 26 May 2017 2:13

you will grow to be a legacy in your family

Comments

By Robert Kenneth Marshall | 6

#7460420 - Friday 26 May 2017 2:13

you will grow to be a legacy in your family

By Glowworm56 | 25

#7460422 - Friday 26 May 2017 2:16

Facebook just became Disgracebook for you.

By Rebecca Stockert | 16

#7460428 - Friday 26 May 2017 2:47

might be one of her favs

By RichardPencil | 28

#7460432 - Friday 26 May 2017 3:01

Talk about fake news!

Those ladies are constantly faking.

By Robert Kenneth Marshall | 6

#7460434 - Friday 26 May 2017 3:24

another comment from me. the real question here is what kind of porn was it? was it just ordinary porn or porn that would make it hard for your mother to look you in the eyes

By Druu | 53

#7460456 - Friday 26 May 2017 6:27

For your sake, OP, I REALLY hope it wasn't incest porn.

By malsomethingorrather | 5

#7460485 - Friday 26 May 2017 7:59

This is a phobia of mine. Every time I paste a link to friends I double check its not something embarrassing. Doesn't matter how long it's actually been since I actually googled anything bad.

Pixiewolfe | 46

#7460492 - Friday 26 May 2017 8:23

I'm the same..and clearing searches before letting people use my phone/ pc

By rad100567 | 8

#7460514 - Friday 26 May 2017 9:31

Say you were hacked? It's a common thing yeah?

By Mike3258 | 18

#7460563 - Friday 26 May 2017 11:00

why were you copy-pasting a porn link bud

LtCmdrData | 11

#7460914 - Saturday 27 May 2017 2:07

It was going into the bibliography of his Humanities paper. Or for other future reference.

By trucker2 | 33

#7460877 - Saturday 27 May 2017 0:08

Happy Belated Mothersday