Intimacy: Today, I sent a forward to the ladies at my office. When I scrolled... - FML

By crazybiotch - Canada

Today, I sent a forward to the ladies at my office. When I scrolled down I noticed my personal emails from my best friend were attached. They go into great detail about the sex I had last night, when I was planning on dumping my boyfriend and that I suspected I had an anal fissure. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11701

You deserved it

61023

Tweet

Share

And today, on Dr Phil…

In my day…

Whoop-di-scoop-di-poop

By hiccups - United States - Canton

Today, after hours of trying to put a screaming baby to sleep, she finally fell asleep in my arms. I was so happy. Then, I got the hiccups. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34630

You deserved it

2814

Tweet

Share

By She totally did not cheat

Today, for our third anniversary, I gave my fiancée a necklace she always wanted. She gave me herpes. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3179

You deserved it

239

Tweet

Share

By K_M - Malaysia

Today, I wanted to punish a student for being late. I decided to start a pop quiz before he arrived. I was positive there wasn't enough time for him to finish. He scored full marks and I couldn't say a word. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10227

You deserved it

75612

Tweet

Share

By Jake - Australia

Today, as I was taking an evening jog around my neighbourhood, I passed an elderly woman. I grinned at her as sign of friendliness to a common pedestrian. She grinned back. Whilst staring at my crotch. FML

I agree, your life sucks

49018

You deserved it

6199

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - Kennesaw

Today, I got home and found my wife cuddling with the dog and our new kitten. Both the cat and my wife hissed at me when I tried to join in. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36430

You deserved it

4176

Tweet

Share

By Fridaythe12th - United States

Today, I was so excited to finally use my $45 gift card to a hair salon. I walk up to the doors to find them locked and to look inside to see that the salon was not only closed but out of business. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27801

You deserved it

4846

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, my mom gave me my Christmas gift. It was a letter containing $200 and a note saying, "Here's the down payment for your apartment, please just move out already." I turned 18 last week. Thanks mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30397

You deserved it

3370

Tweet

Share

By nothingisreal69 - Reserved

Today, as I was driving home from work, a bird decided to commit suicide by flying in front of my car. The shock caused me to slam on the brakes, totaling three other cars in the process. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32234

You deserved it

13306

Tweet

Share

By fmjob - Canada

Today, I finally told my parents I would be changing bedrooms because I could no longer stand hearing them having sex, which is awkward and disturbing. Later, my dad came and asked me quietly if I thought my mom sounded "satisfied." FML

I agree, your life sucks

90020

You deserved it

6223

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, I got my first acting part. I played the role of a bad boy who has to grab the leading lady's ass, who then slaps me in the face. The ass grab was done in one take. The slap required 14 takes. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43392

You deserved it

4992

Tweet

Share

By DingusGinger

Today, I found out my boss likes to shit talk about me when I'm not around. Best part is I don't know what I've done to piss him off. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1955

You deserved it

147

Tweet

Share

By Mary - France

Today, after a year together, my boyfriend admitted to me that in bed I had as much an effect on him as a crossword puzzle. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31167

You deserved it

4328

Tweet

Share

By Starving Student - United States - Tacoma

Today, I got a ticket for panhandling to get gas money so that I could both drive out to a job interview AND still have enough gas to pick up my dad. Apparently, these particular cops had nothing better to do than harass me for standing quietly next to a freeway entrance with a silly sign. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10059

You deserved it

28817

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, while working at a dollar store, I was clobbered by a woman because apparently, I was ripping her off by charging two dollars for two doughnuts. She didn't understand that she couldn't buy multiple items at once for one dollar. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33425

You deserved it

2666

Tweet

Share

By Quincy_Ethan - United States - Killeen

Today, my little sister was using my phone to play games. About an hour later, she came to me and said my phone wouldn't work. Turns out my phone had gotten hot and she put it in water to cool it down. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43119

You deserved it

5321

Tweet

Share

By ThatsNotRight - United States

Today, while I was babysitting my nephews, the 7 year old boy walked up to me and asked if I was a lesbian. I laughed it off. An argument ensued about my sexuality for a good two hours. I lost. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30747

You deserved it

4406

Tweet

Share

By garrett - United States

Today, my girlfriend beat me at ping pong, twenty to three. She said I let her win because I don't respect her, then stormed out of the room. I'm just really bad at ping pong. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46379

You deserved it

4762

Tweet

Share

By Ammile

Today I had a customer come into my office smelling like feces, urine and body odor. I tried not to get sick to my stomach but failed miserably. I threw up in my trash can in front of him. It now smells like feces, urine, body odor and vomit in here. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2742

You deserved it

172

Tweet

Share

By fuck you, mum - United Kingdom

Today, marks the sixth day in a row that my mum has called me to discuss my upcoming wedding. She's obsessed and has intimidated the actual planner I hired into going along with her plans. She's slipped up twice already and accidentally referred to it as her own wedding. Just great. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40549

You deserved it

4148

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - Korea, Republic of - Pyongtaek

Today, I broke it off with my mistress so that I could work on my marriage. Shortly after, my wife received an anonymous message saying that I was unfaithful. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2539

You deserved it

24787

Tweet

Share

By todaddy - United Kingdom

Today, my 5-year-old son woke up early and ran into my bedroom to wake me up. Unfortunately, he did this by jumping onto my bed, slamming his knee into my balls in the process. I had to explain my tears of agony away by claiming I was just so happy to see him. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46123

You deserved it

4713

Tweet

Share

By Octobre - United States

Today, I was massively hungover and driving home. I had a strong suspicion that I was gonna ralph so I was smart and pulled over. I emptied the contents of my stomach into a shopping bag and was proud I didn't make a mess all over the car. Seconds later, the bottom of the bag gave out. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11563

You deserved it

27957

Tweet

Share

By compguy - United States

Today, I applied and was accepted for a part-time network engineering position. Being contract work they asked me what I charge. I replied, "$12 an hour." After a look of surprise they accepted me for the position and said, "Our last guy charged $200 an hour, you're a bargain." FML

I agree, your life sucks

17581

You deserved it

34749

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, while I was washing my hands, I sneezed so hard that I smacked my head against the faucet. I now have a lump the size of a goose egg on my head. I'm not sure if it's going to hatch, or if that's just the brain damage talking. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24623

You deserved it

3702

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - Ireland - Dublin

Today, while on a first date, I had to excuse myself to the restroom. I was still tired from pulling an all-nighter, and fell asleep on the toilet. When I woke up and rushed back out, my date was gone. Everyone now thinks I'm an arsehole who pulled the old "window escape" trick on her. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46744

You deserved it

13817

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, while snow plowing I accidentally ran over my kid's basketball. I told him what had happened and he responded by spilling his ant farm into my underwear drawer. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33844

You deserved it

7850

Tweet

Share

By CrystalsDontWork - United States - El Paso

Today, my colleagues and I found out that our boss has been taking business advice from an astrologer as well as a soothsayer. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36539

You deserved it

2753

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - Netherlands - Mierlo

Today, my drunk dad decided to wake me up by lobbing our cat directly into my now-mauled face. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45066

You deserved it

3223

Tweet

Share

By Username - France

Today, I was called up about a job I'd recently applied for. I was overly excited to tell them I'd be there on Monday. Then I remembered I canceled my car insurance due to financial difficulties. I have no way of getting there. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24333

You deserved it

8375

Tweet

Share

By hale_551

Today, I asked my teacher if he could tutor me for my upcoming exam. He said he'd look into it and let me know later. I later got called to the principal's office because my teacher claimed I'd propositioned him for sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26945

You deserved it

1552

Tweet

Share

By kal - United Kingdom

Today, on Facebook, I joined a group called "I want our relationship to last." My boyfriend commented "I don't." FML

I agree, your life sucks

34610

You deserved it

6761

Tweet

Share

By itisobviouseinstein - United States - New York

Today, a bible toting evangelist on the street ambushed me and asked me what my religion was. I wear a hijab. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24740

You deserved it

3672

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - Spanaway

Today, an elderly patient complained because I used the words "vaginal" and "breast". I work at an OBGYN's office. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12905

You deserved it

771

Tweet

Share

By surfernerd6987 - United States

Today, I received an email from a temp agency trying to hire me. Surprisingly, it was the same job I was just laid off from after two years of great employment. They were trying to hire me at half my original salary. FML

I agree, your life sucks

55045

You deserved it

2598

Tweet

Share

By momaaa1342 - United States - Elmwood

Just a prank, again

Today, I got a call from my daughter’s school today. She had been telling the teacher, "I have a huge boner." Apparently, some of the kids at school told her it meant 'headache' and she's been saying it all day. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46633

You deserved it

3589

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - San Bruno

Today, I told my boyfriend I was horny and was waiting for him at my place. 30 minutes later, he still hadn't arrived, so I called him and asked if he was coming. He replied "Already did, right into a kleenex." and hung up. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34363

You deserved it

4379

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - Statham

Today, my son's lemonade stand was robbed by a senior citizen. FML

I agree, your life sucks

52463

You deserved it

3358

Tweet

Share

By wisp - 18/5/2021 10:59

Naughty boy

Today, my father called me cruel and heartless. Why? Because while I was at school, our dogs opened the door to my room and managed to shut themselves inside all day without food or water. FML

I agree, your life sucks

892

You deserved it

70

Tweet

Share

By Backtoschool

Today, while preparing to move into my dorm, I received two e-mails from the campus police. The first stated that there had been 76 overdoses from a synthetic drug reported around campus this week and the second said there had been a stabbing on campus this morning. Happy back to school to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2131

You deserved it

145

Tweet

Share

By Fucked - United States

Today, my dog found my marijuana pipe and the bag it was in and brought it to my parents. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14517

You deserved it

40692

Tweet

Share

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By um_duh | 0

#240362 - Thursday 28 May 2009 23:09

YDI for being such an idiot.

You are at work to work, not to chat to your friends about your sex life & stuff that you stick in your ass that leads to you injuring yourself...

By drinkupgorgeous | 0

#240403 - Thursday 28 May 2009 23:21

Someone sounds like a whore.

COMMENTS

By Juliexo | 0

#240265 - Thursday 28 May 2009 22:53

Haha

Reply

ilovecheeer | 0

#2468629 - Friday 6 May 2011 16:52

Who tells their bestfriend that?! Dumbass

By soccerkrzy | 0

#240282 - Thursday 28 May 2009 22:57

Reminds me of idiots replying to all to corporate e-mails and saying stupid shit. ALWAYS check your e-mails...

By HeyitsPheddy | 0

#240283 - Thursday 28 May 2009 22:57

How the hell does that happen?

By kwosti | 0

#240287 - Thursday 28 May 2009 22:57

FYL? F the office ladies L!

By Random_Poster | 0

#240296 - Thursday 28 May 2009 22:58

Maybe your friends have a home remedy. Probably not.

By MADISAYSYDI | 0

#240305 - Thursday 28 May 2009 22:59

YDI.

But very, very hilarious for the readers, here.

By uhmfml | 0

#240318 - Thursday 28 May 2009 23:01

agreed with #2. Always check your emails...

By lax2319 | 0

#240321 - Thursday 28 May 2009 23:01

why would you dump your boyfriend after having sex? unless is was with someone else..

By SiLveRStaRLIGHT | 0

#240322 - Thursday 28 May 2009 23:01

I am usually wicked attentive to that kinda thing.

By love_owls | 0

#240329 - Thursday 28 May 2009 23:02

...ew. Be a little more careful next time... and I don't just mean with the emails.