Miscellaneous and Drunk: Today, I saw that the wine bottle I couldn't open last night...

By whoops - 06/04/2017 22:00

Today, I saw that the wine bottle I couldn't open last night had a big hole in the top from my struggle to open it. It was a screw top. I must've been drunker than I thought last night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 682

You deserved it 2 131

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Same thing different taste

By butterfingers - 06/12/2013 07:08 - United States - New Wilmington

Today, I dropped a $400 bottle of wine while trying to get the cork out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 267

You deserved it 17 989

By sillybrohos - 15/02/2009 06:06 - United States

Today, I spent 2 minutes struggling to cork a wine bottle for one of my tables only to have them eventually point out to me that the bottle was a twist-off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 312

You deserved it 33 791

By TragicallyAnxious - 10/05/2019 08:00

Today, I learned that drunk me from last night is apparently great at flirting. She also apparently flirted her way to a free bottle of white wine, only to shatter it on the kitchen floor at 2 a.m. How did I find out? Three words: glass in foot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 462

You deserved it 640

By ojskyguy - 11/10/2014 23:04 - United States - Pearl

Today, I knocked over and broke one of two very expensive wine bottles. As I was using the mop to clean it up, the handle knocked over and broke the other. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 349

You deserved it 8 960

Bad day

By Anonymous - 22/02/2024 02:00 - United States

Today, I looked up 8 videos, questioned my entire existence, actually hurt myself, and cried profusely trying to open a bottle of wine. Just in case anyone thought I was smart. FML

I agree, your life sucks 272

You deserved it 324

By thechimpchapter - 31/12/2011 06:48 - United States

Today, I found out that the neighbor I'd given a bottle of wine to for Christmas is a recovering alcoholic. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 471

You deserved it 7 169

Hair of the dog

By shartface12 - 06/06/2014 22:01 - United States - San Jose

Today, after a big house party the night before, I woke up with a dry mouth and a pounding hangover. I took a swig from a cup I'd left on my bedside table the night before, thinking it was water. Nope; it was vodka. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 966

You deserved it 43 628

By Olorin - 07/11/2011 20:49 - Germany

Today, I woke up soaked in water. It seems at some point in the middle of the night, I woke up thirsty and opened the water bottle I keep on my nightstand. I managed to drink a little, but it seems I didn't manage to put the cap back on before losing consciousness again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 856

You deserved it 5 770

The first step is admitting you have a problem: take away is bad for you.

By Tyr88 - 05/03/2017 02:00 - Australia - Blakehurst

Today, I opened my fridge. It's entire contents: half a takeaway meal and 4 bottles of wine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 546

You deserved it 1 595

By laststand11 - 26/12/2011 01:35 - Reserved

Today, I received a very expensive bottle of wine for Christmas. My alcoholic mother snuck into my house while I was out and drank the whole bottle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 781

You deserved it 2 650

RichardPencil 30

Thursday 6 April 2017 22:57

They'll love this story at your first AA meeting.

dramaelf 37

Thursday 6 April 2017 23:30

Well I've done that when sober, so don't feel too bad

Comments

RichardPencil 30

Thursday 6 April 2017 22:57

They'll love this story at your first AA meeting.

dramaelf 37

Thursday 6 April 2017 23:30

Well I've done that when sober, so don't feel too bad

LostInTheZone11 29

Friday 7 April 2017 1:52

*Smashes beer open with gavel.* "Oh wait it was a twist off." *Drinks beer.* Homer Simpson

Taurus_ChicKa 36

Saturday 8 April 2017 16:47

If you were that drunk, you didn't need that wine anyway.

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The Top

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me because I'm too "high maintenance". And that's because I ask him to use condoms when we have sex, and I refuse to invite my friends over for threesomes. I don't know why I'm not actually glad we are broken up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 848

You deserved it 5 978

Today, I toured an art museum. Our tour guide had an obvious lisp, so I tried my best not to laugh. When she asked me a question about a sculpture, I accidentally replied, "Yeth ma'am." She ended the tour right there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 563

You deserved it 68 914

The Top

Today, my friend and I were in a hallway talking while a man kept walking by and turning around. I then asked him "WHAT are you LOOKING for!". It was a blind man. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 893

You deserved it 30 461

Today, I ran into my sister, who nobody in the family has seen in six years. She looked very happy working the pole. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 922

You deserved it 4 036

Today, I sat on my balls while at a restaurant. As I was wincing in pain and readjusting myself, my girlfriend came and sat on my lap. She landed directly on my nuts. After a minute or two, I stood up, only to rack myself once again on the corner of the table. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 793

You deserved it 5 486

Today, I realised in the middle of my shift how useless my deodorant is in the stifling heatwave spreading through my country. It's no longer effective against my awful B.O., which is a problem because I'm a mascot, and my costume traps the smell inside like a portable toilet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 179

You deserved it 4 965

Today, I took my girlfriend to a local drag racing spot to get her more involved with my friends. Her ex showed up and wanted to race me. I won the race, but blew my engine. I had to use his dad's towing service to get my car home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 865

You deserved it 14 716

Today, I was supposed to be going to Edinburgh to see my favourite band live. I was expecting to be picked up at 8 a.m. for the drive there, but I woke up to a text saying my friend bought tickets for the wrong city. The show he paid was for 2 days ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 705

You deserved it 137

Same thing different taste

Bad day

Hair of the dog

The first step is admitting you have a problem: take away is bad for you.

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