Miscellaneous: Today, I saw my friends talking about plans for later during... - FML

By LeftOut - United States

Today, I saw my friends talking about plans for later during lunch. I walked over and asked for the plan. My best friend of 12 years gently took me aside, and said "You know that person in each group of friends that is only around to be made fun of? That's you." I just got dumped by my friends. FML

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A saint

Dodged a bullet

It's not unusual

By norestforthewicked

Today, my family and I discovered that my sleepwalking has escalated into sleep-raiding-the-fridge, after I woke up on my kitchen floor in a puddle of melted ice cream, surrounded by my parents, brother, and dogs. Apparently my recent dieting plans aren't going over too well with my subconscious. FML

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By fartlover - Canada

Today, I went over to my boyfriend's apartment and I smelled a delicious aroma as I walked in so I asked him what he was cooking. His response was, "I'm not cooking anything. I just farted." FML

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By KelseNM

Today, I've been diagnosed with an incurable condition in both eyes that is making me go blind. I lost my job and had to drop out of my final year in college because of this. Then my ex found out and stole my car since I "won't need it". FML

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By smellslikeahangover - United States - San Francisco

Today, while waiting for an interview at the career that I've been spending months tailoring my résumé for, I was thrown up on by my only competitor. Guess who got the job. FML

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By failure - Australia - Sydney

Today, I overheard my son mutter to himself, "If Hitler could do it to that many people, so could I..." Anyone recommend a good psychiatrist? FML

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By lezbplove - Canada

Today, I finally decided to tell my parents I was a lesbian. They spent the next few hours reading me the bible. FML

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By Lindsay - United States

Today, I flirted with a guy for ten minutes before realizing I was sitting between him and his girlfriend. FML

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By Poopsie

Today, I went to the ER due to intense headaches. My partner was unable to go with me so he called his father to drive me. My father-in-law now knows that every time I orgasm my head feels like it will explode. He also knows that it happened 4 times last week. FML

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By Anonymous - 21/12/2020 11:02 - Australia

One law for me…

Today, I got disciplined for sleeping on night shifts, by my boss, who also sleeps on night shifts. FML

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By promoted - Australia

Today, my boss quit his job and stopped coming in without warning. Guess who just inherited his tasks and responsibilities without the training or pay associated with his manager role. I was hired last year as a junior system admin. FML

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By pandaface - United Kingdom

Today, to wipe his crack, my boyfriend is still using a newspaper that I left there when he first started refusing to buy toilet paper. FML

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By Cheater_Cheater_Pumpkin_Eater - United States

Today, my best friend became my ex-best friend. I have finally gotten over the guy she stole from me a year ago and have developed a crush on another guy. My best friend called me today to tell me that she broke up with the first guy and is now going out with my current crush. FML

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By bubblegum92 - Australia - Perth

Today, It was my fiancé's 21st birthday party. It ended with him too drunk to walk and wailing about how much he misses an ex girlfriend of his that he dumped 4 years ago. FML

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By Cammy - United Kingdom

Today, I was pissed off. I kicked a soccer ball into my wall, and it bounced back, hit my head and knocked me into the wall behind me. My head hurts like hell. Even inanimate objects hate me. FML

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By { o } - United States - Miami

Today, an old man approached me at work. I smiled and asked, "Hi, can I help you"? He looked at me for a few seconds before replying, "Fuck me, you need to lose some weight!" and then wandering off. FML

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By chlorobitch551 - United States - Charlotte

Today, I overheard my dad telling his friends that the only way I'll ever sleep with a woman is with the help of Rohypnol. FML

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By Samuel - Canada

Today, I woke up to find my power was out. After taking a shower in the dark and being unable to make myself lunch, my power came on two minutes before I had to leave for school. FML

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By speedstick - United States

Today, I received an anonymous letter telling me that I smell bad, and suggesting that I wear more deodorant. Apparently my BO is so bad that someone feels the need to stalk me to point it out. FML

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By cait - United States - Edmond

Today, within one day of meeting me, my stepmom decided to break up with my dad. Her reason being, "I love you, but I just can’t put up with the kid." I’m 'the kid'. I’m 28 years-old. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I came home and saw my girlfriend on the computer. I decided to sex things up and sneak up on her naked from behind. Apparently, she was video-chatting with her friends at the time. They saw everything. FML

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By good job brain - United States - San Francisco

Today, I had a job interview. I was asked what my dream job would be. I blurted out, "The president, because I think it's a very cool and important job." I don't think I'm getting this one. FML

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By rhythmbandit - United States

Today, my boyfriend bought me a beautiful pair of very expensive diamond earrings, along with a card that read, "To my beautiful brown eyed Princess." My ears aren't pierced, and my eyes are green. FML

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By Joe - United States

Today, I had the cops called on me because I accidentally texted "I'm going to kill you and use your head as hood ornament" to my ex-fiancé, instead of my best friend. I only texted that because he got a better grade on an exam than me. Now I have a court date. FML

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By chelle - United States

Today, I was laying in bed naked and blindfolded. I told my boyfriend he could do anything he wanted to me. About 30 minutes later I get out of bed and find him in the computer room play World of Warcraft. His friends needed him. FML

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By Depressed - United States - Collierville

Today, I got a call from the head of my school dance committee saying that the dance was cancelled and the services originally hired were still expecting to be paid. The reason the dance got cancelled? One of the girls on the committee's parents wouldn't let her buy her dream dress. FML

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By Anonymous - India - New Delhi

Today, at a party I got blind drunk and I gave a guy a blowjob for the first time. I'm a 100% heterosexual male. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my ex adopted a dog from the dog pound. It was the same dog he made me get rid of while we were still together. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada - Saint-hubert

Good tasting

Today, my roommate left those powdered donuts in the kitchen. Hungry, I decided to try one. Turns out, the white powder wasn't sugar. It was cocaine. FML

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By XoXonedirectionXoXo - United States - Eden Prairie

Today, I fell asleep while on the toilet at work. When I woke up, I tried to quietly sneak back to my desk, only to be caught by my boss. He immediately sent me packing and gave his "best wishes" for me in the unemployment line. FML

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By Youalreadyknowmyname - United States - Jeffersonville

Today, a guy asked me my name and I told him it's Holly. He then asked if I was "real or a Holligram?" Apparently, The Office is the best, and only place to get pick up lines. FML

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By thanks a lot - 26/5/2020 08:00

Stay alert!

Today, my state began relaxing the quarantine order. We decided to take the kids for a nice picnic in the park to get them outside. First park we went to, we saw a homeless man openly pissing in the parking lot. Second park, we saw two teens fucking on the table. Day was officially ruined. FML

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By Animal - Canada

One day…

Today, my mom was snooping around my room, and found the unopened box of glow in the dark condoms I bought myself year ago. She laughed and said, "No takers yet, eh?" FML

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By likecomeon - United States - Glendale

Today, I figured out why my 'best friend' hasn't talked to me in weeks. She assumed an FML post she read was about her. It was posted in 2009. I met her last year. FML

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By Manny Managerson - 23/11/2020 11:01 - United States

The Terminator

Today, a furious woman stormed into my job, demanding to know why I fired her precious baby boy. I explained that watching porn on the clock is grounds for termination. She screamed that I was lying about him and that she’ll see me in court for slandering him. I had to call the cops to make her leave. FML

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By sucks2suck - United States

Today, I told my parents I really missed them and wanted to come home for the weekend, I haven't seen them in months. They told me that was a bad idea and they couldnt fit me into their schedule. I asked what their plans were. They said they didn't have any yet. FML

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By fuckingcool

Today, my mother once again brought up how I would have done so much better in my Track season if I just smiled while I ran. Apparently, if you just smile, your brain won't know you're in pain. I don't think it works like that, but thanks for the advice mom. FML

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By anonymous - United States - Round Rock

Today, my pregnant wife was crying, so I let her sit on my lap so I could comfort her. She quickly started laughing in embarrassment as she peed on my leg. FML

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By Eggs - United States - Port Richey

Today, I fell down in the street when a speeding car chucked a hard-boiled egg at my butt. While I waited for the feeling in my legs to return, they came back and threw more. FML

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By mybad - United States

Today, a customer brought her kids into the store where I work. I like to make people laugh so being my usual joking self I kidded "Why aren't those kids in school?". She didn't laugh when she said that their house burned down the night before and the kids had no clothes to wear to school. FML

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By Jojo

Today, after months of planning, my boyfriend told me he's changed his mind and doesn’t want to move with me to where I got a job. Why? He doesn’t want to live that far away from his mother. FML

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Top comments

By xsweetlysour | 0

#107374 - Monday 13 April 2009 12:16

Aww, it's alright, I'm also that person.
Honestly, who wants friends and all their drama

:)

And shall I say "first" to annoy people?

By valuemeal2 | 1

#107379 - Monday 13 April 2009 12:22

Ugh. I've been that person before, and it sucks. FYL.

COMMENTS

By xsweetlysour | 0

#107374 - Monday 13 April 2009 12:16

Aww, it's alright, I'm also that person.
Honestly, who wants friends and all their drama

:)

And shall I say "first" to annoy people?

Reply

ryguy997 | 0

#982283 - Tuesday 20 April 2010 5:39

I'm always that person... (in the rare instances I can say I have friends)

Reply

gozatown | 0

#1191118 - Thursday 5 August 2010 4:14

FYL, you'll find friends. The reason I don't say NEW friends like other people is mainly because if they treated you like that they weren't your friends in the first place.

Reply

Stan_Cubed | 7

#3828052 - Wednesday 4 January 2012 7:39

Haha wow. This is the first "first" comment with a positive thumbing(?) that I've ever seen.

By valuemeal2 | 1

#107379 - Monday 13 April 2009 12:22

Ugh. I've been that person before, and it sucks. FYL.

By DRchika | 0

#107380 - Monday 13 April 2009 12:23

reminds me alot of that dane cook joke...

By taraaa_fml | 4

#107383 - Monday 13 April 2009 12:28

are you 12?

Reply

Jbiebs82 | 0

#1005681 - Monday 24 May 2010 17:01

Why are you 13?

Reply

chancehorsegal | 0

#2215992 - Monday 21 March 2011 12:52

looks like youre 14 by your username.

By shani__ | 0

#107392 - Monday 13 April 2009 12:36

I used to be that person in primary school!
*high 5*
but then I grew up and they don't even have friends muahahha

By Silhouette_fml | 0

#107398 - Monday 13 April 2009 12:39

Find some better friends. Seriously.

By f_mylife24 | 0

#107399 - Monday 13 April 2009 12:40

How immature!
its okay.. you deserve better. =)

By FMLisright | 0

#107400 - Monday 13 April 2009 12:41

That is really sad. I agree with number 6. What jerks.

By chinookwarrior | 0

#107403 - Monday 13 April 2009 12:45

Get over it Karen...new friends are easy to make, maybe you should find out if they were making fun of you for a legitimate reason and if its something you may think about changing.

By DaemonDoC | 0

#107406 - Monday 13 April 2009 12:54

blah... 'friends'
they dont give a shit about you, why would you care about them?