Miscellaneous: Today, I saw my friends talking about plans for later during... - FML

By LeftOut - United States

Today, I saw my friends talking about plans for later during lunch. I walked over and asked for the plan. My best friend of 12 years gently took me aside, and said "You know that person in each group of friends that is only around to be made fun of? That's you." I just got dumped by my friends. FML

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Coherence dude, do you have it?

So that makes it alright?

Signs

By Amanda G Rich - 25/11/2020 02:02

Lose the boyfriend, not the weight

Today, yet again. my boyfriend told me I'm getting fat, even after I told him to stop and that it's affecting my mental health. I had an eating disorder previously, and now I'm thinking about going back to just eating an apple a day. FML

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By TheKunitzShow14 - United States

Today, while walking on the sidewalk, someone hit me with their car. They yelled at me for being in their way. FML

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By seriously? - United States - Manassas

Today, I discovered that my dad still doesn't consider my career as an app developer a "real job". FML

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By Why

Today, I finally went to have blood taken for an allergy test I really need. Afterwards, I had an allergic reaction to the bandaid they used on my arm. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my girlfriend was throwing a birthday party and got very drunk. She needed help getting to the bathroom so I picked her up and walked her to the toilet. Assuming she needed to throw up, she instead takes a huge, monstrous crap right in front of me. I can't look at her the same ever again. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my girfriend of two years told me she wasn't actually a lesbian and our relationship was more of a 'learning experience'. FML

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By Nicole557 - United States

Today, after a year and a half, I finally admitted to myself that I'm in an abusive relationship. Not with a person though, with my cat. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - North Bend

Today, my mother bitched me out for filing divorce papers against my abusive husband. According to her, it's a "slap in God's face". She's the one who's divorced two husbands so far because they weren't getting job promotions fast enough to support her hoarding habit. FML

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By ohai ur hawt, wanna fuzzzZzZZzzZzz - Mexico - Mexico

Today, I met a really nice girl at a club, and we went back to my place. I was finally going to lose my virginity, but just as she started kissing me, I panicked and ended up fainting. When I came to, I was still clothed, and she was long gone. FML

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By aggghghgh

Today, I found out my whole family has been mistakenly using the same toothbrush for over a month. FML

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By recordyear - United States

Today, I was at work with my dad. He told me the only reason he's letting me work with him over the summer is because I'm a friendless loser, and he didn't want me staying home getting fatter. FML

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By racoonface - United States

Today, it was lovely outside so I decided to tan outside. I burn pretty easily, so I put on sunscreen. I fell asleep on my side, so when I woke up, I had a massive burn on only one side of my body, with sunglass lines. Tomorrow, I have a job interview. I'm going to go in looking like a racoon. FML

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By Anonymous - 22/8/2020 20:04

Generosity

Today, my granny died. My aunt wants to throw away all her books and furniture. When I offered to take care of selling it, or giving it away, like granny would have wanted, my aunt said she would let me "keep a percentage" of the few bucks I’d get for my troubles. FML

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By screwed - United States

Today, my dad came home from Vegas. Today, my college savings account is down by $64,000. FML

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By puppielover - United States

Today, my step-mom informed me that she and my dad will not be attending my wedding because they will be at a NASCAR race. FML

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By neversayhiagain - United States

Today, I greeted a mom and a little girl at the place where I work. The little girl looks at me, looks back at her mom, and says, "Mommy, I hate people." FML

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By Anonymous

Today, my family is too damn close. My uncle on my dad's side just got my aunt on my mum's side pregnant, three cousins from dad's side are dating three cousins from mum's side, and a half brother from my dad is marrying my half sister from my mum. We are the inbred rednecks of this town. FML

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By PhantomKitty - United States - Saint Albans

Today, I called in about a job application I put in over a week ago. Apparently, the branch of the company that I applied to was never given my information, and the position was filled days ago. I've been checking the status of the position online daily, and it still says that it's open. FML

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By emilyxoxoxo - United States

Today, my friend and I thought it would be funny if we could both fit into her big sweatpants. When we tried to take a step, she fell on top of me. She started peeing uncontrollably. We had to cut ourselves out of the sweatpants. FML

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By anonymous - United States

Today, I went with my girlfriend to her parents' house. They told me I smelled of cheap vodka. When I told them I worked in a bio lab and used ethanol a lot, they said I was too stupid to do anything like that. My girlfriend broke up with me because her parents think I'm a drunk. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Houston

Today, I thought about how my dad went to get me a Halloween costume and hasn't come home yet. That was 11 years ago. We've moved twice since then. FML

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By meganisabella - United States

Today, I went driving for the first time. I made it twenty miles to my step mom's house, and didn't stop until I was inside the garage. Too bad the garage door was closed when I got there. FML

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By nochance - United States

Today, I received a card in the mail. It was from my vet's office. Written inside was "We send our sympathy during this trying time." I haven't been home in three days. I can't find my dog and my mother won't talk about it. My dog was 7. She hated that dog. FML

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By "wolfssb135"

Today, I deeply underestimated my baby nephew's climbing skills. I returned from the bathroom to find a broken vase, spilled powder formula, and my phone wiped clean from too many incorrect password attempts. FML

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By Peachtree

Today, I learned that the super cute guy I've been dating for the last 4 weeks is a total gross slob. His house was like a garbage skip, literally ankle deep in garbage, pizza boxes, old crud, and filth. It stank of cat urine and there was poop residue in his toilet bowl. FML

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By riiiighhhttttt - United States - Laurel

Today, I actually had to explain to my sister that Shrek was not in fact based on a true story. She replied that I'm a "clueless twat". FML

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By creditwhore - United States

Today, I decided to apply for a credit card to help build up my credit rating. It seemed smart since I'm a 24 year old college graduate. I was rejected for not having a credit history. Being rejected turns out to hurt your credit history. The irony of my predicament is too great for words. FML

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By thathottchickk - United States

Today, I volunteered to cater an event at school. A little girl asked for a big slice of cake so I gave it to her. She then puked everywhere and her parents blamed me and made me clean it up. The little girl sat there smiling at me while I cleaned. FML

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By MaKaDa - United States

Today, I realized that my coach doesn't close the door and the blinds to perform half-naked body checks (to make sure his team is in shape) on anyone else but me. FML

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By Creeped Out

Today, I went to the grocery store. As I was checking out, I went to grab the same item that the cashier was reaching for. He brushed my hand. He then both watched me creepily and asked my what lotion I used to make my hands so soft. When I left, he said, "I'll dream of you." FML

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By dinkley7 - 25/4/2021 02:00

Nice neighborhood

Today, the cops showed up at my work because people were fighting in the parking lot. This is a nightly occurrence. FML

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By manlyman - United States

Today, I went to the doctor's office because my wife and I were having some fertilization problems. As I removed my pants, the doctor simply looked at my penis and said "mhm." My wife laughed the whole way home. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my husband missed the toilet again. I would have been less disgusted if he'd peed this time. FML

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By goddamn chicken subs - United States

Today, my brother and I got food poisoning because of the shady chicken subs we ate last night. Our mom thinks we're faking it and sent us to school anyway. I'm coming to you live from a school toilet while missing a test. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - San Angelo

Today, after months of believing my house is haunted, and years of being scared of the dark, I finally had to admit to myself that the only way I can go to the bathroom in the middle of the night is if my cat follows me and sits outside the door. I'm 23. FML

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By wrongplacewrongtime - United States - San Antonio

Today, l took my new boyfriend to the place where my ex and I used to hook up, only to find out that my ex and his new girl had the same idea. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, it was so cold that I had to put slippers over my slippers. FML

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By Lebac - United States - Burlington

Today, I went to feed my neighbors' chickens while they were on vacation. I noticed the TV on inside, so I peeked in to see if the place was being messed with. Guess who found the neighbor home early, fully naked, and jerking off. FML

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By beer guy

Today, I got punched in the back by elderly woman because she thought I was mocking the way she walked as I passed her. I was walking funny because I have a brace-boot on my foot due to the fact that it got run over. FML

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By moerae

Today, I was fooling around with my new girlfriend. I guess she'd never been with an uncircumcised man before, because before I knew it I had a frenulum tear and had to go to the ER. FML

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Top comments

By xsweetlysour | 0

#107374 - Monday 13 April 2009 12:16

Aww, it's alright, I'm also that person.
Honestly, who wants friends and all their drama

:)

And shall I say "first" to annoy people?

By valuemeal2 | 1

#107379 - Monday 13 April 2009 12:22

Ugh. I've been that person before, and it sucks. FYL.

COMMENTS

By xsweetlysour | 0

#107374 - Monday 13 April 2009 12:16

Aww, it's alright, I'm also that person.
Honestly, who wants friends and all their drama

:)

And shall I say "first" to annoy people?

Reply

ryguy997 | 0

#982283 - Tuesday 20 April 2010 5:39

I'm always that person... (in the rare instances I can say I have friends)

Reply

gozatown | 0

#1191118 - Thursday 5 August 2010 4:14

FYL, you'll find friends. The reason I don't say NEW friends like other people is mainly because if they treated you like that they weren't your friends in the first place.

Reply

#3828052 - Wednesday 4 January 2012 7:39

Haha wow. This is the first "first" comment with a positive thumbing(?) that I've ever seen.

By valuemeal2 | 1

#107379 - Monday 13 April 2009 12:22

Ugh. I've been that person before, and it sucks. FYL.

By DRchika | 0

#107380 - Monday 13 April 2009 12:23

reminds me alot of that dane cook joke...

By taraaa_fml | 4

#107383 - Monday 13 April 2009 12:28

are you 12?

Reply

Jbiebs82 | 0

#1005681 - Monday 24 May 2010 17:01

Why are you 13?

Reply

chancehorsegal | 0

#2215992 - Monday 21 March 2011 12:52

looks like youre 14 by your username.

By shani__ | 0

#107392 - Monday 13 April 2009 12:36

I used to be that person in primary school!
*high 5*
but then I grew up and they don't even have friends muahahha

By Silhouette_fml | 0

#107398 - Monday 13 April 2009 12:39

Find some better friends. Seriously.

By f_mylife24 | 0

#107399 - Monday 13 April 2009 12:40

How immature!
its okay.. you deserve better. =)

By FMLisright | 0

#107400 - Monday 13 April 2009 12:41

That is really sad. I agree with number 6. What jerks.

By chinookwarrior | 0

#107403 - Monday 13 April 2009 12:45

Get over it Karen...new friends are easy to make, maybe you should find out if they were making fun of you for a legitimate reason and if its something you may think about changing.

By DaemonDoC | 0

#107406 - Monday 13 April 2009 12:54

blah... 'friends'
they dont give a shit about you, why would you care about them?