Transportation: Today, I saw a cute guy on the bus. I smiled at him and he smiled... - FML

By anythingjean - Canada

Today, I saw a cute guy on the bus. I smiled at him and he smiled back. After a couple of stops, he got off the bus. He bumped into me, turned around, apologized, and winked. I stood there feeling good about myself. Then I realized he stole my wallet. FML

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Risky business

Boom, headshot

Added flavor

By Anonymous - Australia

Today, I was in the shower 'grooming' myself for my second anniversary with my boyfriend. Halfway through the hot water ran out. I now have the choice of going with the low 'half-fro' or risking hypothermia. My boyfriend thinks hypothermia would be the better option. FML

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By confidence taken - United States - Bay Springs

Today, my boyfriend called me in tears, convinced that he found me in a porn video online. It wasn't me. And when I finally got him to give me the web address, I too started crying at the realization of how fat he thinks I am. FML

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By Iris - Canada - Saint-laurent

Today I bought a 50$ voucher card to refill my phone. After I purchased it, I threw the receipt in the dustbin. When I got home, I found out that the 14-digit pin code was on the receipt. I basically threw 57 bucks in the dustbin. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I woke 2 hours before my alarm was supposed to go off, feeling incredibly sick. I then ran downstairs and had diarrhea while I threw up. I spent Valentine's Day having diarrhea every time I coughed or sneezed. FML

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By Anonymous - Portugal - Alhandra

Today, my boyfriend thinks he's discovered a big conspiracy by dentists to sell toothpaste. He's arguing that nobody needs to brush their teeth, ever, because all the "new plaque" from food will dissolve the "old plaque", and the only thing he needs to use is breath spray. FML

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By

Official meeting

Today, I went to meet my boyfriend's parents for the first time. His mother, seconds upon meeting me, gave me a hug, smiled at me, and said: "It's so nice to finally meet you! All I ever hear is 'Emma this', and 'Emma that', 'I love Emma!'. He never stops talking about you!" My name's not Emma. FML

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By anonymous - United States

Today, while on a six hour flight, someone offered to pay me $20 to swap seats with them. It seemed like a great deal, so I immediately accepted and moved to my new seat. I didn't realize my new neighbor was an old man with a raging boner. FML

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By bruh_im18 - United States - Metairie

Today, I found out the 28-year-old I am dating is actually 48. FML

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By Zodiacfall

Precision strike

Today, I replaced my bedsheets with new, clean ones. I went to the bathroom to wash up, and when I came back, my cat had peed exactly where my head would be. FML

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By steven - Cayman Islands

Today, I had my first kiss standing in front of my front door. It was really cute, the way you normally think about first kisses. When I got inside, I realized my mom had been watching out her second story bedroom window taking pictures. She put them on Facebook captioned 'My baby's first kiss!' FML

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By rs - Egypt

Today, after watching Hulk with my friends, we spent a good half hour discussing exactly how enlarged Bruce Banner's package would be in his Hulk state. I couldn't hide my excitement, and now my friends won't stop teasing me. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada - Edmonton

Today, I asked my school counselor in strict confidence for advice on how to help a friend of mine, who has bulimia. When I got home, I found out that "someone" had called my parents and told them that I'm bulimic. They won't believe the truth. FML

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By xXshitface4uXx - New Zealand - Rotorua

Today, my dad asked me how I would feel about going on an all-expenses-paid, month-long holiday to the Caribbean. I was ecstatic and broke into tears of joy, saying I'd love it. He replied, "Yeah, me too. Shame it ain't happening!" then left for work, laughing his arse off. FML

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By oops - United States

Today, I saw a moth trapped in a spider web. Feeling gracious, I gently freed it, and then took it to the window to let it out. When I opened the window to set him free, my $300 air conditioner fell two stories and smashed on the sidewalk. The moth flew away. FML

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By mr. machine - United States

Today, my 19-year-old daughter got a haircut. When I asked her if she tipped the hairdresser, she looked at me in horror and asked, "You’re supposed to tip hairdressers?" FML

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By Bridget

Today, on to the bus home from school, I sat next to a guy that I ride with every day, but don't know well. He looked at me and said, "Hey, I know this girl named Bridget who looks just like you, but a lot more pale. She's really weird." I'm Bridget. I just got a tan. FML

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By a-non - United States

Today, I realized that the dog humping my leg was the most action I've gotten in months. FML

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By Anyonexx0 - United States - Washington

Today, my sister and I heard back from a job we both applied to. I had used the knowledge from my MBA degree to write a six-page essay for the application, while she just copied and pasted hers from a random website. Guess who got the job. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Royersford

Today, my very conservative mom met my girlfriend, who recently shaved her head in support of her best friend, who has cancer. My girlfriend looks beautiful and feminine even with her still very short hair. My mom, however, keeps insisting that I'm dating "a confused transgender". FML

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By HighasaCloud

Today, while typing at my desk, I leaned back in my chair to stretch my arms. A spider dangling from the ceiling must have been watching me since it had perfect timing on its descent right into my open yawning mouth. FML

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By Ramis182 - United States - Auburn

Today, I thought it would be to a good idea to introduce my indoor cat to my dog. The pee stains, multiple scratches, and puncture wounds to my face prove otherwise. FML

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By Van

Work name

Today, I found out the girl my husband's been calling "Sister" isn't actually his sister, but instead a hooker whose work name is "Sister". FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I sneezed after watching a commercial involving dust. FML

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By Forever alone - 21/12/2020 17:02 - United States - Hesperia

Sorry…

Today, I was falling in love with the nostalgia of having handwritten love letters and flowers left on my windshield. Turns out my "secret admirer" was just a mean prank conjured up by my coworkers. They laughed. I cried, hard. FML

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By Anonymous - Dominican Republic - Santo Domingo

Today, and every other night since my new neighbors moved in two weeks ago, their cat has been standing outside my house meowing constantly up at my window, where my cat keeps standing and meowing back. It's like a feline version of Romeo and Juliet, and I can't sleep. FML

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By cbarr98 - United States - Orange City

Today, I lost all of my male friends at work. Why? The new girl has my same interests and a prettier face. FML

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By Username - United States

Today, after pulling an all-nighter, I had the pleasure of meeting my girlfriend's mother for the very first time. She walked in on me in the bathroom; I'd completely lost focus and fallen asleep while taking a shit. FML

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By VerbalDiarrhea - United States

Today, after 3 hours in a cramped car with my family, we stopped at a gas station. I got out of the car and the first words out of my mouth were, "It feels so good to be able to walk!" That's when I noticed the elderly man sitting in a wheelchair only a few meters away. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my boss asked me to take some of the female mannequins and change the outfits. As I was changing them, I realized that this was the most action I've gotten in almost a year. Not only am I twenty-seven, but I'm married. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Silver Spring

Apple juice, motherfucker

Today, at daycare, a little girl cussed me out because I didn't have any apple juice left. When I called her parents, they sided with her and cussed me out too. My boss refused to sympathize, and reprimanded me for not making sure we still had apple juice. FML

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By unemployed - United States

Today, I drove two and a half hours to a job interview. The interviewer never showed up or called. I sat in the hotel lobby waiting for an hour and a half. Even the hotel staff said they felt sorry for me. FML

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By mikmak - United States - Charlotte

Today, I had fallen asleep in the back of a friend's car on the way home from a night out. When I woke up, they were in the middle of a full-on make out session. I had to pretend to be asleep for 20 minutes until they decided to "wake me up". FML

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By Anonanon - United Kingdom

Today, I finally had sex with the guy I've been flirting with for months. Immediately after he gave me the 'let's just be friends' speech then left for work, accidentally locking me in his apartment. I had to call his ex girlfriend to come let me out. She smirked. FML

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By Suomynona - Germany - Hamburg

Today, I felt lousy and decided to give myself a pep-talk in the mirror. After a while, I cheered up and went about my day. I soon found out that my sister had recorded me through the crack of my door and posted the video on Facebook. I'm humiliated. FML

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By Anonymous - Ireland - Dublin

Today, a grown man yelled at me because he'd been waiting for 15 minutes and still hadn't been seated or had his order taken. We were at a self-serve breakfast buffet. FML

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By Amanda

Today, my daughter has been using the "supertaster" excuse to not eat my cooking. To prove to her that she isn't one, I blindfolded her and gave her a bowl of jelly beans, then asked her to plug her nose and identify the flavors. She got every single one correct. FML

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By Anonymous - New Zealand

Today, my daughter came up to me crying. When I asked her what was wrong, she told me that she had a fight with her imaginary boyfriend. She's 16. I raised this child. FML

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By ohgosh1428

Today, in Las Vegas, after taking my drunk dad and his drunk friend to their respective hotel rooms, I realised that I, 16 years-old, am the responsible one. FML

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By Harry Dare - United Kingdom

Today, just after waking up, I caught a glimpse of my girlfriend in the mirror. Not knowing I was awake, she sniffed at her armpits, started gagging, then quietly came back to bed. FML

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By puppydrama - United States

Today, my dad and his new wife got their wedding pictures done. Out of over 150 pictures, I was only in one. The family dog was in all of them. In the one picture of me, I was holding the dog's leash while he took a dump. FML

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Top comments

By p0kegeek | 4

#231301 - Tuesday 26 May 2009 2:31

Look on the bright side. If he uses your credit cards, you can meet up with him when he's arrested.

By Lisimal | 7

#231280 - Tuesday 26 May 2009 2:28

The acts of seduction...

COMMENTS

By NightMareLife | 8

#231268 - Tuesday 26 May 2009 2:27

Ouch.. FYL number 1!

Reply

TOASTMASTAR | 0

#998584 - Thursday 20 May 2010 7:15

h

Reply

victoria4161993 | 0

#1019208 - Friday 4 June 2010 19:00

carry a purse it's helpful and people can't steal your stuff with out going in your purse

Reply

Chanti_fml | 26

#5879683 - Sunday 9 March 2014 0:06

Generally thieves won't care much stealing out of purses... And if they are good you won't notice that either.

By Broekemania | 0

#231271 - Tuesday 26 May 2009 2:28

I hope it was a good bump.

Reply

Lulu714 | 0

#1100662 - Saturday 17 July 2010 7:24

bahaha no kidding. he better be totally sexy if he stole ur wallet

By phillynena | 0

#231272 - Tuesday 26 May 2009 2:28

that totally sux...but its funny FYL he played the shit outta u

By Duckasaurus | 0

#231274 - Tuesday 26 May 2009 2:28

Another person said "proceeds" guys.

Reply

Darraghscoot | 0

#908917 - Wednesday 3 March 2010 0:17

haha your so right :L ever hear when peaople say i jamp? as past tense of jump

By Mexistache | 0

#231279 - Tuesday 26 May 2009 2:28

lol that sucks for you ( If I hadn't stopped to read it I would have been first XD )

By Lisimal | 7

#231280 - Tuesday 26 May 2009 2:28

The acts of seduction...

By Yulia_fml | 0

#231284 - Tuesday 26 May 2009 2:30

The cute ones are always up to no good!

By hatehereyes | 0

#231285 - Tuesday 26 May 2009 2:30

There was something like this before.

Someone was feeling his ass and right before he was about to step on the guys foot the bus stopped and the guy walked out and he didn't realize until a couple stops later that the guy was stealing his wallet.

By shortwiz247 | 0

#231291 - Tuesday 26 May 2009 2:30

what's the problem with proceeds?

By Charley_5054 | 2

#231298 - Tuesday 26 May 2009 2:31

FYL, but i was about to say YDI only because you used the word proceed.