Today, I saw a cute guy on the bus. I smiled at him and he smiled... - FML

By anythingjean - Canada

Today, I saw a cute guy on the bus. I smiled at him and he smiled back. After a couple of stops, he got off the bus. He bumped into me, turned around, apologized, and winked. I stood there feeling good about myself. Then I realized he stole my wallet. FML

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Thanks for the miracle

Freak out

Not now, mom!

By EverettA - United States - Lewis Center

Today, my "friends" pulled an elaborate prank on me. First, they changed my ringtone to a recording of someone saying "Allahu Akbar" on repeat. Then, they called me as we had a moment of silence in honor of the 9/11 victims. FML

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By GrumpyBunny - United States - Marysville

Today, I learned the true meaning of "throwing money down the toilet" when pulling my pants up, somehow my $100 Easter money fell out of my pocket mid flush. FML

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By Anonymous - Greece - Athens

Today, I gave up smoking. A few hours later, I caught myself daydreaming about brutally killing a guy that gave me a mean look at the bus. Maybe I should go back to smoking. FML

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By JadeDemolition - United States - San Francisco

Today, I had my driver's permit in an envelope to keep it safe and a letter to mail out. I drove away from the post office with the letter in my hand. FML

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By jojolee68 - United States

Today, I'm stuck in a taxi cab while the driver listens to a radio show about sex fetishes. Can't wait to look him in the eye as I pay him. FML

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By bride - United States

Today, I dreamed I was getting married. I was wearing a white dress, had incredible cleavage and perfectly done makeup. Just one problem. I'm a guy. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - San Francisco

Today, as I turned to face the cashier at the supermarket, I managed to knock over an entire display of gift cards with my backpack. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my boyfriend kept pressuring me to get it on. I told him I was self-conscious abut my stomach and didn't want him to see it. His response? My double chin doesn't keep him from kissing me. FML

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By virginmary - Reserved

Today, I was making out like a sixteen year old at the high school prom with this guy I kinda liked. All of a sudden, he rolls away and tells me he's "finished." We both had our clothes on the entire time. He is 23, I'm 25. I didn't know that was possible. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, it's my girlfriend's birthday. I presented her with an oil painting of her that I'd been working on for over a month, and she started to cry. I thought it was because she liked it, until she asked if she really looks that ugly and disproportionate in real life. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I found out my boyfriend's mom still refers to his ex as 'the daughter she never had.' FML

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By ko

Today, my boyfriend told me he'd come over and help me move a heavy dresser so I could paint the wall behind it. After an hour of waiting for him, I decided to move it myself. He finally arrived, not ten minutes after I broke my toe when I accidentally dropped the dresser on it. FML

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By Anon - United States - Denton

Today, after nearly a year of being stalked, harassed and even terrorized, the police finally found out who my stalker was. It was my 19-year-old son, who thought it would be a fun prank to pull. FML

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By Olive14

Today, I was caring for a bird that had flown into my window. I thought the poor thing wouldn't make it, when it shit in my hand, flew into my neck, then around my living room for ages before I could manage to get it out of the window. FML

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By CC - Sweden

Today, I met an old friend, with whom I have a complicated history and we hooked up. He came before we even started. In his sleep, he pushed me out of the bed. When I woke up, he had peed himself in his sleep. Glad I let that ship sail. FML

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By Anonymous - Germany - K?ln

Today, my husband showed up late to my mother's funeral. He swaggered in, happily finishing off a half-eaten taco. His excuse for why he was so cheerful: "She was an in-law, honey." Good to know I married a piece of shit in disguise. FML

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By ConfusedDad - United States

Today, I went to my bedroom for some alone time while my daughter watched TV. I didn't realize that my iPad was still connected to the Apple TV, until I hit play on some porn and heard a scream from the other room. FML

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By HowToGetFired - United States - Tampa

Today, I just finished a driving school that I thought would lower my insurance by 10%. It was 30 hours so I was glad it was over, that was until I found out I took the wrong class. FML

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By Sucks2beme

Today, a cute guy who works in my building said, “Wow! You look hot.” I blushed and replied, “Oh thanks!” He then said, “Oh, no. I meant you look sweaty. Is it hot outside?” FML

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By Arsinoe - United Kingdom

Today, I found out that I have been declared dead by my credit card company in England because I haven't used it since I moved to Thailand last year. I will need three witnesses to convince them that I am actually alive. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Richmond

Today, by helping my sweet, caring boyfriend get over his crippling insecurities and develop some confidence, I've turned him into a lying, cheating asshole I can't stand. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my 400 pound roommate brought home a 400 pound guy. Now there's 800 pounds of sex going on in the next room, and it sounds like the invasion of Normandy in there. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I overheard my mom telling my younger sister not to use my razors because she "doesn't know what I may have." FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Seattle

Today, I pretended to be deaf to a door to door salesman. He knew sign language. FML

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By fml - United States - Billerica

Today, they introduced us to this cheesy school email program. I was trying to be funny and made a draft and sent it to "All" and I typed, "Thanos did nothing wrong." The send button was right next to the discard email button. I sent,"Thanos did nothing wrong" to every kid and teacher at school. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Decatur

Today, I came home from a two-week vacation. When I walked into my house, I found cat poop everywhere. It took me several hours to clean it all up, and the house still smells terrible. The worst part is that I've never owned a cat in my life. FML

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By wtf - United Kingdom - Staines

Today, I met up with my dad after having worked abroad for the past six months. Apparently, during that time he's had a mid-life crisis or been snorting a few too many turds, because he's now some sort of hippie calling himself "Memnoch of Pleiades". FML

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, my grandma walked into my room and asked if the thing lying on my nightstand was a computer. I said ''Grandma, that's a clock.'' After staring at me, confused for a few seconds, she then farted, and left my room. FML

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By Victoria - United States

Today, I got pulled over by a state trooper for speeding. When he saw I had something in my pocket, he began to ask if it was a weapon. After arguing for a few minutes I was put in handcuffs. I was too embarrassed to pull the tampon out my pocket. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Evanston

Today, I laughed at my grandma's chihuahua poodle mix, as it barked at me entering the house. "What are you going to do, nibble me to death?" is apparently enough to make it jump and bite me. I needed five stitches. FML

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By Warriorwizzle - Vietnam - Hanoi

Today I had to move down to the 3rd floor because after complaining about rats on my rooftop the landlord put down traps. Rats died. Flies came. The flies laid eggs. The eggs birthed maggots. The maggots rained down from my broken ceiling into my bed and all over my floor. I am not okay. FML

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By Why son, why? - United States

Today, for the sixth time in a row, I was driving my kid to school and he made me late for work. Why? He was whacking off instead of getting ready. FML

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By justawallflower - United States - Elyria

Today, my mom told me that her vagina is "as cute today as it was twenty years ago." FML

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By bipbip - France

Today, at work, I received an email telling me that viewing porn websites was prohibited and was a good enough reason to fire me. FML

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By oops... - United States

Today, as a frog biologist I was out in the field searching for a relatively rare frog species. After three hours I finally heard the frog call and I crept closer and closer to the sound until... squish... I stepped on the very frog I was trying to collect. They're endangered. FML

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By anonymous - United States

Today, I was in agonizing pain and couldn't move. My parents said they couldn't take me to the ER until the football game on TV was over. FML

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By sisterly love - United States - Santa Clara

Today, my sister admitted to selling pages of my diary to my old boyfriends. FML

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By UHLSucksSTL - United States - Saint Louis

Today, I found out that I spent 3 whole days cleaning my apartment thoroughly and paid $100 to get my carpet professional cleaned to not get my $950 deposit back because the carpet smells like dog. I don't have a dog. FML

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By onething - United States

Today, my boyfriend picked me up to come spend the night at his house, and on the way he started pulling over to get some condoms. I told him no need, I was on my period. He turned the car around and took me home. FML

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By omg - Canada

Today, I got a call from my 8 year old son's teacher. Apparently, my kid has been charging girls a quarter to touch his "special area." FML

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Top comments

By p0kegeek | 4

#231301 - Tuesday 26 May 2009 2:31

Look on the bright side. If he uses your credit cards, you can meet up with him when he's arrested.

By Lisimal | 7

#231280 - Tuesday 26 May 2009 2:28

The acts of seduction...

COMMENTS

By NightMareLife | 8

#231268 - Tuesday 26 May 2009 2:27

Ouch.. FYL number 1!

Reply

TOASTMASTAR | 0

#998584 - Thursday 20 May 2010 7:15

h

Reply

victoria4161993 | 0

#1019208 - Friday 4 June 2010 19:00

carry a purse it's helpful and people can't steal your stuff with out going in your purse

Reply

Chanti_fml | 26

#5879683 - Sunday 9 March 2014 0:06

Generally thieves won't care much stealing out of purses... And if they are good you won't notice that either.

By Broekemania | 0

#231271 - Tuesday 26 May 2009 2:28

I hope it was a good bump.

Reply

Lulu714 | 0

#1100662 - Saturday 17 July 2010 7:24

bahaha no kidding. he better be totally sexy if he stole ur wallet

By phillynena | 0

#231272 - Tuesday 26 May 2009 2:28

that totally sux...but its funny FYL he played the shit outta u

By Duckasaurus | 0

#231274 - Tuesday 26 May 2009 2:28

Another person said "proceeds" guys.

Reply

Darraghscoot | 0

#908917 - Wednesday 3 March 2010 0:17

haha your so right :L ever hear when peaople say i jamp? as past tense of jump

By Mexistache | 0

#231279 - Tuesday 26 May 2009 2:28

lol that sucks for you ( If I hadn't stopped to read it I would have been first XD )

By Lisimal | 7

#231280 - Tuesday 26 May 2009 2:28

The acts of seduction...

By Yulia_fml | 0

#231284 - Tuesday 26 May 2009 2:30

The cute ones are always up to no good!

By hatehereyes | 0

#231285 - Tuesday 26 May 2009 2:30

There was something like this before.

Someone was feeling his ass and right before he was about to step on the guys foot the bus stopped and the guy walked out and he didn't realize until a couple stops later that the guy was stealing his wallet.

By shortwiz247 | 0

#231291 - Tuesday 26 May 2009 2:30

what's the problem with proceeds?

By Charley_5054 | 2

#231298 - Tuesday 26 May 2009 2:31

FYL, but i was about to say YDI only because you used the word proceed.