Today, I saw a 10 dollar bill on the street, as I went to grab...

By aceshot97 - 6/12/2011 14:33 - Canada

Today, I saw a 10 dollar bill on the street, as I went to grab it, it was pulled away by a string. I don't know what's worse, the fact that I was tricked by teenagers or that I tripped and fell as I went for it. FML

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Health

Instadrama

Drinking is bad for you, most of the time

Nice neighborhood

By Anonymous - 13/8/2011 19:12 - United States

Today, after pulling an all-nighter, I fell asleep at the beach. My friends took the opportunity to bury me in the sand, place food all around me, and wait for a flock of hungry seagulls to attack me. To top it off, they taped it all. FML

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By hopefulanonymous - 20/11/2009 16:01 - United States

Today, I dropped off a box for my sister at her job. In a rush, I unknowingly parked in a reserved spot. When I got back to my car, I saw that my car was being towed. After successfully flirting myself out of an expensive towing bill, I backed into the pole behind me, leaving a noticeable dent. FML

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By verno02 - 10/8/2010 23:58 - Canada

Today, I was having it off with my boyfriend. He is the kind of guy that likes to keep things interesting. Just as he started climaxing, he began to meow. FML

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By Anonymous - 28/6/2013 19:41 - United States - Chicago Ridge

Today, a girl from my college, who's been following me around for months, finally asked me out. Not being interested, I politely declined. Now she's convinced everyone that we hooked up and that I have an incredibly small penis. FML

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By hyper12332 - 29/4/2009 14:35 - Australia

Today, I was playing one on one soccer with a girl like. I accidentally kicked the ball right into her face. The ball rolled back towards me and as I was running to see if she was ok, I kicked the ball... right into her face again. FML

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By oh gee, you don't say - 15/12/2012 18:43 - United Kingdom - Southampton

Today, my dad forced the whole family to sit through a two-hour lecture, with supporting research, on how the "Mayan prophecy" is actually a load of shit fabricated by conmen. Nice to know he thinks we're all borderline brain-dead, gullible fuckwits who believed it to begin with. Thanks, dad. FML

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By Humiliated - 14/9/2009 12:58 - United States

Today, I was shaving and I sneezed unexpectedly. I ended up cutting myself so badly that I had to go to the emergency room. It wouldn't have been quite so humiliating if I hadn't been forced to show the extremely attractive doctor my sliced open and half shaved crotch. FML

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By sykotoaster - 13/7/2009 22:09 - United States

Today, I spend two hours inside a bar talking about how I never worry about my boyfriend cheating on me when he travels for work. Everyone told me I was lucky to have such a great relationship. When we all decided to go out on the patio for a smoke, we saw him making out with someone else. FML

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By burned_away - 19/8/2009 18:10 - Canada

Today, my boyfriend was leaving for work. From the other room I heard him call out, "see you soon beautiful." Touched, I went to give him a parting kiss. He stopped me and said, "I was talking to the cat." FML

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By whoanoa - 10/3/2010 03:12 - United States

Today, I discovered that my mother uses my eyebrow tweezers to pull ticks off the dog. She also hasn't figured out that just dipping the tweezers in alcohol doesn't automatically sterilize them. Especially if there is icky dog hair still stuck on. FML

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By peanuts - 3/7/2010 04:04 - United States

Today, my dog is mad at me due to the fact that earlier in the day I ate 2 peanut butter cookies. Apparently, they were his dog treats. I had no idea. FML

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By TheBetterRedhead - 28/3/2017 12:00

Today, on my way home from grocery shopping, two young adults around my age came up and asked me for a lighter. Thinking they just needed it to light a cigarette, I handed them my only lighter. They immediately ran away. I got robbed for a 1.99$ lighter. FML

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By ScandinaviaBacon - 11/6/2019 20:00

Creepy Uncle Dave

Today, I returned from my year-long vacation to Brazil, having lost a lot of weight and feeling better about my self-confidence. When I met my uncle at the airport, I greeted him with a friendly hug. I was greeted by his erection. FML

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By Anonymous - 22/5/2013 17:10 - United States - Pomona

Today, my mom took me to a bar to cheer me up after being dumped. Two cute guys around my age kept looking over at us the whole night. When I told my mom, she said she was going to get them to come talk to me. Instead, she ended up leaving with both of them. FML

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By madseason - 7/5/2012 00:13 - United States

Today, I confronted my girlfriend about cheating on me. Her response was that it's not cheating since she is getting paid. FML

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By backstabbed - 29/10/2011 07:22 - Australia

Today, I caught my best friend in bed with my current boyfriend. Apparently watching movies naked is "the new in thing". FML

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By abrooks88 - 8/2/2012 16:53 - United States

Today, I got denied a job. They told me I was unreliable because I didn't show up for my third interview. This is the same interview they called and cancelled this morning. FML

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By Anonymous - 15/3/2015 18:40 - United States - Charleston

Today, a guy beat the crap out of me for supposedly sleeping with his girlfriend. I didn't get a chance to tell him my brother lives with me and that he had the wrong guy. When my brother got home, he didn't ask if I was okay, but rather if the guy was coming back for him. FML

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By MouserMan - 22/10/2014 14:47 - Canada - Olds

Today, after emptying the dishwasher, I noticed something in the back by the drain. It looked like a turkey bone. Upon closer inspection, it was a mouse carcass. I have no idea how many loads of dishes have gone through with it in there. FML

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By Anonymous - 20/1/2010 05:22 - United States

Today, I woke up to my cell phone alarm buzzing. It wasn't time to wake up yet, so I snoozed it. It buzzed again, this time with "One New Voicemail." I had "snoozed" my nephew. Stationed in Iraq. FML

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By Bibi - 23/9/2018 12:00

Today, I went to my little brother's high school to speak to his counselor about his grades. On my way to the office, the office manager threatened to write me up for ditching class and told me that high school is not like middle school, 9th grade will be different. I graduated 5 years ago. FML

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By Anonymous - 7/3/2014 13:29 - United States - Needles

Today, I was meeting my boyfriend's mom. She was driving us to a theme park that was about 2 hours away. She asked for the address to put into the GPS, so I gave it to her. It turned out to be a farm, an hour away from the park. So much for good first impressions. FML

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By Anonymous - 14/11/2009 21:59 - United States

Today, my boyfriend gave me a bucket of Twizzlers for our 1 year anniversary because 'he knew I liked them.' He has no idea why I am so upset. FML

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By - 30/5/2019 23:30 - India - Pune

Send help!

Today, I've managed to lock myself in my own bedroom. It won't open no matter what I do. FML

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By bitch - 16/5/2017 05:00 - United States - San Diego

Today, I dumped my boyfriend. To celebrate being newly single, I wanted to watch some shows on Netflix. My now ex-boyfriend had already changed the password. FML

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By notyoueallie - 20/8/2010 04:06 - United States

Today, I got woken up by Hallelujah blasting outside my apartment windows for 30 minutes straight. FML

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By Dave - 19/12/2018 18:00

Today, I said to a girl that I recently started dating, ‘I like you so far’. My phone had other plans and decide to autocorrect far to fat as I hit send. FML.

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By ccrex - 5/8/2019 20:00

Today, I put my phone on top the car while putting my daughter in her car seat. Told myself not to forget it. Then I drove away, and it flew off the top of the car on the freeway. It got ran over. FML

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By wtf - 15/8/2010 12:52 - United States

Today, I found out that my overprotective parents hired a private investigator a month ago, who since then has been watching my perfectly normal boyfriend, in case he "tries to rape or kill" me. We're both 25 years old. FML

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By Charlotte - 28/9/2009 04:03 - United States

Today, I arrived at work at 8, and business was abnormally slow, but we assumed it would pick up. Few hours later, we had not had a single customer. As I walk out of the restaurant, I realize the open sign has been off all day. FML

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By shugberry - 1/9/2019 12:01 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I took my mum on the London Underground. We were standing on the platform, when she suddenly bought up a load of phlegm in her mouth. Instead of trying to find a bin, she just full on spat out the biggest green pile on the floor next to people. FML

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By alicia - 20/12/2012 22:45 - Canada - Montreal

Wanker

Today, I had to explain to my fiancé that having me watch him jerk off over a porno is not in fact considered foreplay. FML

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By Oja1 - 16/12/2011 04:26 - United States

Today, my mother sold my extensive Star Wars collection, and I cried when I found out. I'm 46. FML

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By Anonymous - 26/10/2012 07:23 - Australia - Queanbeyan

Today, I went out to a restaurant with a girl I have been dating. The only conversation was about how proud she was of her fart during work earlier, and how she managed to clear out a section of the office. FML

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By Anonymous - 28/5/2009 16:52 - United States

Today, I was taking calls at the helpdesk I work at. The caller was a man, and while helping him with his issue he suddenly stopped to tell me I had a nice soothing voice. Then he told me to say something else. As I continued to help him, he started making moaning noises. I'm a guy. FML

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By Anonymous - 17/5/2013 20:10 - United States

Today, I went to a local Indian takeaway, since I'm from India originally, and none of my friends speak Hindi. I went up to the counter and placed my order in Hindi with the seemingly Indian owner. He gave me a weird look and said, "Huh? Speak English, ya rimjob." FML

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By woah - 4/5/2011 11:51 - United States

Today, my boyfriend asked me how women could urinate with a tampon in. FML

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By failing - 16/10/2015 16:40 - United States - Greenbelt

Today, my grandpa passed away. The only emotion my dad showed was anger, because my grandpa owed my dad money. Now he wants to take it from my grandma, like he's some sort of mobster. FML

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By svunimportant - 28/5/2015 15:40 - United States - Morehead

Today, my daughter cried for ages after finding out that Nick Amaro was written out of Law and Order: SVU. She barely reacted when I told her that her mom and I are getting a divorce. FML

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By me - 16/12/2010 15:29

Today, I thought it would be funny to hide behind the ice machine at work and jump out randomly and scare people. This resulted in my first victim whacking me in the head with a skateboard. FML

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Top comments

By LedZeppelin1109 | 0

#3693050 - Tuesday 6 December 2011 18:43

In this Economy, everything fair game.

By Calyx_fml | 21

#3693061 - Tuesday 6 December 2011 18:44

I found $100 in Vegas. No strings attached.

Comments

By LedZeppelin1109 | 0

#3693050 - Tuesday 6 December 2011 18:43

In this Economy, everything fair game.

LedZeppelin1109 | 0

#3693082 - Tuesday 6 December 2011 18:47

Is* fair game

urdirtyolduncle | 15

#3693109 - Tuesday 6 December 2011 18:50

Should've pulled a knife and chase them around the block.

77777771 | 12

#3693379 - Tuesday 6 December 2011 19:39

^Only the serious FML readers would get that one.

77777771 | 12

#3693381 - Tuesday 6 December 2011 19:39

^Only the serious FML readers would get that one.

The_Troller | 14

#3693785 - Tuesday 6 December 2011 21:15

Lol I didn't even get the reference until you pointed it out.

CondomSense | 4

#3693845 - Tuesday 6 December 2011 21:36

Hobos. Lol. I got the reference.

stephanieeDawnx | 0

#3693994 - Tuesday 6 December 2011 22:14

I thought it was six blocks?
O.o

TheAntidote | 5

#3694403 - Tuesday 6 December 2011 23:20

I would of screamed and ran at the kids, causing them to drop the pole, and then I would claim my reward.

brianjman14 | 22

#3695239 - Wednesday 7 December 2011 3:21

Damn it, #9, I was about to post something like that! >:(

And #42, that was the FML about a guy throwing a small rock at a hobo, not the $10 string prank.

tacosaresexy | 0

#3700277 - Thursday 8 December 2011 4:13

True :)

BuhxritNAYY | 5

#3701790 - Thursday 8 December 2011 8:58

At least the kids these days were outside doing something from the 90's rather than getting fat playing video games for exercise. Right? It was a prank that got them out of their seats. BE HAPPY :D

By Souners | 3

#3693054 - Tuesday 6 December 2011 18:44

It could be worse...you could have been videotaped and your reaction to the money shown public for a banking commercial.

geon_olam | 17

#3693607 - Tuesday 6 December 2011 20:32

I always wondered how they find people who look like such losers for those ads.

jwade11 | 12

#3695725 - Wednesday 7 December 2011 5:20

I'd go for the money too so you're not alone!

BayleeWasHere | 1

#3696097 - Wednesday 7 December 2011 6:50

-oh wait...

cutielilangel | 8

#3696670 - Wednesday 7 December 2011 10:24

As Ashton Kutcher would have said, "You've been punked" !!!!!

By Calyx_fml | 21

#3693061 - Tuesday 6 December 2011 18:44

I found $100 in Vegas. No strings attached.

ceilingfans | 1

#3693270 - Tuesday 6 December 2011 19:14

I see what you did there.

max500 | 4

#3693509 - Tuesday 6 December 2011 20:04

My girlfriend found $230 on this drug dealer on her street's footpath :/

KiddNYC1O | 20

#3693652 - Tuesday 6 December 2011 20:40

Oh, you mean Friends With Benefits?

KiddNYC1O | 20

#3693873 - Tuesday 6 December 2011 21:42

What? Nobody got that?

GhettoXmuffin | 7

#3694270 - Tuesday 6 December 2011 22:57

I'd put that back where you got it. It's probably diseased..

cupcakemann95 | 7

#3694307 - Tuesday 6 December 2011 23:01

Was that $100 dollars at, by any chance, Minecon?

KiddNYC1O | 20

#3694347 - Tuesday 6 December 2011 23:08

No Strings Attached= Friends With Benefits. The films... Geez people.

humorizer | 14

#3696165 - Wednesday 7 December 2011 7:18

No, the joke is that there was no "catch". It has nothing to do with the movie that also refers to the phrase. Sheesh.

wordbigbird | 0

#3715069 - Sunday 11 December 2011 13:05

She found it ON him? Musta gave him a good whoopin to get that from him

By Awwdatsucks | 2

#3693063 - Tuesday 6 December 2011 18:44

I'd have to say the whole tripping and falling part is worse... Hell most people would grab at $10 on the ground.

thisisafunnyname | 12

#3693807 - Tuesday 6 December 2011 21:21

Anyone would pick up a bill, even if it's only a one

By ninjuh_wingman | 29

#3693079 - Tuesday 6 December 2011 18:47

Its not like it was a quarter or something. Its fine.

suavesuave | 2

#3694364 - Tuesday 6 December 2011 23:12

Would have been funnier

By Cmdr_Shepard | 17

#3693088 - Tuesday 6 December 2011 18:48

You couldn't have just walked over to the money and try to pick it up like a normal adult? Maybe if it was a $100 bill, I would have ran for it...

gabrielbaby | 9

#3693546 - Tuesday 6 December 2011 20:18

I would have ran for it if it was a 20. But I also would have chased after it until I got to one of the kids, then punched them, and take it.

By tsim_fml | 0

#3693092 - Tuesday 6 December 2011 18:48

I never pick money up from the ground. My reason: One time my friends jacked off on a $20 dollar bill, wiped it off and put it on the ground at school and waited for someone to pick it up... thats nasty