Today, I saw a 10 dollar bill on the street, as I went to grab...

By aceshot97 - 6/12/2011 14:33 - Canada

Today, I saw a 10 dollar bill on the street, as I went to grab it, it was pulled away by a string. I don't know what's worse, the fact that I was tricked by teenagers or that I tripped and fell as I went for it. FML

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Health

Rock, hard place

Alexa, play "The Lovecats" by The Cure

Incognito browsing

By GlowInTheDark - 9/12/2011 07:41 - Australia

Today, I told my boyfriend about how a few years ago I had cancer, and how I underwent radiation therapy. His response? "Did you glow in the dark?" FML

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By MySistersDogisStupid - 13/1/2017 22:00

Today, I took mine and my sister's dog for a walk in the park near my house. The dog managed to find a large piece of rotting, frozen meat buried in the snow and tried to eat it. I had to pry it from his mouth and can't get the smell out of my gloves and coat. FML

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By wtfman101 - 28/8/2009 14:56 - United States

Today, I woke up to find the entire driver's side of my car wrecked. Front door, back door, front and rear bumper smashed to shit. A drunk driver had hit it the previous night and ran. Don't worry though, he stopped and left his insurance information. He keyed it into the undamaged side of my car. FML

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By too eager - 25/4/2016 15:21 - Australia - Hurstville

Today, I had a date with an amazing girl so in the shower I wanted to make sure I was extra clean. With the soaped up shower puff in hand I tried to get as much of my back as I could which led to me pushing too far and dislocating my shoulder. FML

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By bottomdrawerraider - 17/11/2010 17:13 - United States

Today, my mother was over visiting. My three year old ran out of my room chasing the cat with his toy. He smacked the cat with it, the cat scratched him, he dropped it and ran away. I was busy with the baby so I asked my mom to take the toy away. She walked back holding my pink dildo. FML

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By AAA guy - 4/2/2015 16:02 - United States

Today, while on the job I accidentally locked my keys and all of my equipment in the car. I work for the AAA. FML

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By AgentRarity - 18/6/2014 16:48

Today, I was reading butthurt comments about how girl gamers can easily get dates and find love by simply existing. I'm a "girl gamer" who hasn't even found a date, let alone love. I've been looking since I was sixteen. I'm now 27. FML

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By super maman - 30/9/2014 03:08 - France - Montauban

Today, in a supermarket, my four-year-old son whispered to me, asking if the checkout lady was able to wash between her fat rolls. She heard. FML

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By sober - 12/2/2009 02:09 - United States

Today, I got a text message. It said, "I'm so drunk. What you up to, girl?" It was my dad. FML

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By EK - 16/2/2009 23:36 - United States

Today, in the middle of dinner, I went to rest my chin on my hand, missed, and stuck the straw from my drink straight up my nose. FML

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By Pants-Girl - 24/11/2019 08:00 - Canada

Public surprise

Today, I was out walking downtown. A woman walking behind the thought that my pants were hanging too low. She came over to me and yanked my pants up. FML

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By AmNot - 5/8/2010 04:38 - United States

Today, my boyfriend woke up to the flash of a camera. It was his mother taking pictures of my shoe print on his window sill and night stand. She said she was collecting evidence proving I snuck in through his window last night. FML

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By ashleyramsay - 23/10/2009 19:13 - Canada

Today, I heard whimpering while I was in my bedroom. Thinking it was my parents doing something nasty, I let them do it and turned on my music. My parents came home from work and I realised they were never home. I went into the room and saw my dead dog laying on the floor. FML

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By Anonymous - 23/11/2013 00:16 - Canada - Ottawa

Today, my boyfriend got on one knee and started talking about how we met. Knowing what was coming, I started tearing up, absolutely sure he was going to propose. Just as I was about to say yes, he quickly stood up and yelled "HAH, JUST KIDDING". FML

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By Anonymous - 30/8/2017 20:00

Today, my dad described our security cameras recording a stranger stealing money from his car, and then called me unhealthy and paranoid for locking my car all the time. My car is usually parked right next to his. FML

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By callerid - 3/8/2009 11:45 - United States

Today, I had misplaced my cell phone. I decided the best course of action would be to dial the number from my house phone and wait for it to ring to locate it. Somebody answered when I called. It wasn't the wrong number and I had a brief conversation with the man that stole my phone. FML

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By anonymous - 21/5/2010 17:26 - United States

Today, I swerved to avoid running over a dead cat in the road. Instead, I ran over its head. The crack of its skull was loud enough for me to hear it. FML

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By Anonymous - 2/9/2009 09:39 - New Zealand

Today, my boss rang me for the 5th time on my day off. Frustrated I pushed 'ignore' and yelled a string of obscenities at my phone. Turns out I pushed 'talk'. FML

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By Lonely_Army - 25/5/2012 16:03 - Qatar

Today, I realised that I've been deployed for far too long, when I caught myself looking down the cleavage of a mannequin wearing a bathing suit. FML

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By Dezzmond68 - 15/9/2016 20:26 - Canada - Aylmer

Today, I got in trouble at work because the person whom I trained, and had done everything correctly with no mistakes and said he was comfortable being on his own when I asked, was screwing it all up over the course of 6 weeks. When I asked him, he said, "I think my way's better than yours." FML

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By Anonymous - 6/11/2009 18:41 - United States

Today, I overheard my best friend's wife telling their kids to pay attention in school and stay focused on their goals so they don't end up a failure in life like their father's friend, Matt. Hi, my name is Matt and I'm the friend. FML

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By poopy pants - 8/4/2013 01:47 - United States - Minneapolis

Today, I was driving home from a friend's house after a night of partying. Suddenly, I had to poop worse than I ever had to in my entire life. The pain was so bad I had to pull over and pretend to be checking my tires while I let out the entire contents of my bowels onto the road. FML

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By Anonymous - 16/8/2009 17:14 - United States

Today, my girlfriend named my penis "little baby carrot." FML

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By seb21 - 9/2/2009 02:32 - United States

Today, I called my dad to inform him I was coming home from college for the weekend. Expecting him to be excited, he responded with "why?" This weekend was my birthday. FML

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By Kim - 22/3/2011 18:30 - United States

Today, at work I had to convince an 80 year old mental patient that she's not Ke$ha and that she really has to put her clothes back on. FML

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By Sam - 2/12/2012 14:05 - United States - Indianapolis

Today, my mom and I took my senile grandmother to the mall, since she doesn't get out much. She complained it was hot, then took her clothing off in the middle of the food court. It took us thirty minutes to make her put her shirt back on. FML

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By surefeelslikelove - 6/6/2011 16:01

Today, my mum was filling out a reference for me as I work in the family business. When it came to naming two of my strengths, she asked me what to put as she couldn't think of anything. FML

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By depressed - 10/3/2013 02:05 - United States - Hull

Today, I finally told my dad about how I've been diagnosed with clinical depression. He began to recite a commercial for depression meds, but he couldn't finish because he was overwhelmed with laughter. FML

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By Anonymous - 26/9/2013 16:19 - United States - East Hampton

Today, I watched in horror as my dad picked up a dead centipede, placed it on his tongue, and then swallowed it. FML

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By aelia_oups - 31/12/2013 22:09 - France - Taverny

Today, as I have been for 10 years, I'm allergic to fruit. After an argument with my mother, she yelled, "Here, have a banana and go kill yourself!" FML

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By Anonymous - 11/4/2013 15:42 - United States

Today, my boyfriend of 2 weeks said that he was going to cook me dinner. After waiting for the frozen pizza that he decided to make for me to be completely cooked, he said, "Oh I hate this part", reached into the oven with his bare hands and took out the pizza, all while screaming. He is 24. FML

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By Anonymous - 11/8/2009 04:06 - United States

Today, I was at the beach with friends and I fell asleep while I was tanning. When I woke up, everyone was laughing hysterically. I asked what was so funny, and one of my friends replies, "you farted so loud in your sleep that you woke yourself up." FML

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By sick - 30/9/2009 15:12 - United States

Today, I went to the coffee shop for my usual morning latte before class. When I got my drink, I asked again to make sure it was soy. The barista assured me it was. It wasn't. I'm ridiculously lactose intolerant and just spent six hours throwing up because she was too lazy to correct her mistake. FML

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By justme - 9/2/2010 18:20 - France

Today, I was about to take a crap when the smoke alarm went off. I ran out of the bathroom and tried to run downstairs. I tripped and shit on myself. The alarm had gone off cause my kid put my wallet in the toaster. FML

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By Chanman1924 - 24/12/2012 21:06 - United States

Today, my friend put my phone number on Craigslist. I still can't find the ad, but obviously everyone else can because I still haven't stopped receiving naked pictures. FML

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By Amy (grossed out) - 27/4/2014 13:43 - Australia - Adelaide

Today, my long-distance boyfriend got extremely drunk and insisted that we ran the Skype call all night so it was like I was there with him. I woke up to the sound of him vomiting loudly at 3am. FML

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By charpanda007 - 15/2/2009 13:56 - Hong Kong

Today, I accompanied some friends to sign up for a gym. When we got there, the guy handed me a form, too. I said, "Oh, I'm not signing up." He replied, "Out of all of you, you need it the most." He then said he was also a nutritionist, and offered a consultation. FML

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By heartbrokenhaley - 23/1/2014 20:57 - United States - Brockton

Today, my boyfriend of 6 years told me that since I've proven my loyalty and faithfully stuck by his side, he has no reason to ever consider marrying me, because "It's not like you're going anywhere, honey." He seems not to understand why I am upset by this. FML

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By life101 - 19/10/2020 13:56

PMS FTW

Today, I realized how emotional I get around my time of month when I cried because a cheese commercial was so "touching." FML

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By Anonymous - 14/4/2009 14:07 - United States

Today, I was walking through the park eating fries. There was an old woman feeding a few pigeons. They didn't seem too interested, so I threw some fries down as I walked by to try and help her out. About 2 minutes later, I heard screaming. A huge group of pigeons were attacking the old woman. FML

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Top comments

By LedZeppelin1109 | 0

#3693050 - Tuesday 6 December 2011 18:43

In this Economy, everything fair game.

By Calyx_fml | 21

#3693061 - Tuesday 6 December 2011 18:44

I found $100 in Vegas. No strings attached.

COMMENTS

By LedZeppelin1109 | 0

#3693050 - Tuesday 6 December 2011 18:43

In this Economy, everything fair game.

LedZeppelin1109 | 0

#3693082 - Tuesday 6 December 2011 18:47

Is* fair game

urdirtyolduncle | 15

#3693109 - Tuesday 6 December 2011 18:50

Should've pulled a knife and chase them around the block.

77777771 | 12

#3693379 - Tuesday 6 December 2011 19:39

^Only the serious FML readers would get that one.

77777771 | 12

#3693381 - Tuesday 6 December 2011 19:39

^Only the serious FML readers would get that one.

The_Troller | 14

#3693785 - Tuesday 6 December 2011 21:15

Lol I didn't even get the reference until you pointed it out.

CondomSense | 4

#3693845 - Tuesday 6 December 2011 21:36

Hobos. Lol. I got the reference.

stephanieeDawnx | 0

#3693994 - Tuesday 6 December 2011 22:14

I thought it was six blocks?
O.o

TheAntidote | 5

#3694403 - Tuesday 6 December 2011 23:20

I would of screamed and ran at the kids, causing them to drop the pole, and then I would claim my reward.

brianjman14 | 22

#3695239 - Wednesday 7 December 2011 3:21

Damn it, #9, I was about to post something like that! >:(

And #42, that was the FML about a guy throwing a small rock at a hobo, not the $10 string prank.

tacosaresexy | 0

#3700277 - Thursday 8 December 2011 4:13

True :)

BuhxritNAYY | 5

#3701790 - Thursday 8 December 2011 8:58

At least the kids these days were outside doing something from the 90's rather than getting fat playing video games for exercise. Right? It was a prank that got them out of their seats. BE HAPPY :D

By Souners | 3

#3693054 - Tuesday 6 December 2011 18:44

It could be worse...you could have been videotaped and your reaction to the money shown public for a banking commercial.

geon_olam | 17

#3693607 - Tuesday 6 December 2011 20:32

I always wondered how they find people who look like such losers for those ads.

jwade11 | 12

#3695725 - Wednesday 7 December 2011 5:20

I'd go for the money too so you're not alone!

BayleeWasHere | 1

#3696097 - Wednesday 7 December 2011 6:50

-oh wait...

cutielilangel | 8

#3696670 - Wednesday 7 December 2011 10:24

As Ashton Kutcher would have said, "You've been punked" !!!!!

By Calyx_fml | 21

#3693061 - Tuesday 6 December 2011 18:44

I found $100 in Vegas. No strings attached.

ceilingfans | 1

#3693270 - Tuesday 6 December 2011 19:14

I see what you did there.

max500 | 4

#3693509 - Tuesday 6 December 2011 20:04

My girlfriend found $230 on this drug dealer on her street's footpath :/

KiddNYC1O | 20

#3693652 - Tuesday 6 December 2011 20:40

Oh, you mean Friends With Benefits?

KiddNYC1O | 20

#3693873 - Tuesday 6 December 2011 21:42

What? Nobody got that?

GhettoXmuffin | 7

#3694270 - Tuesday 6 December 2011 22:57

I'd put that back where you got it. It's probably diseased..

cupcakemann95 | 7

#3694307 - Tuesday 6 December 2011 23:01

Was that $100 dollars at, by any chance, Minecon?

KiddNYC1O | 20

#3694347 - Tuesday 6 December 2011 23:08

No Strings Attached= Friends With Benefits. The films... Geez people.

humorizer | 14

#3696165 - Wednesday 7 December 2011 7:18

No, the joke is that there was no "catch". It has nothing to do with the movie that also refers to the phrase. Sheesh.

wordbigbird | 0

#3715069 - Sunday 11 December 2011 13:05

She found it ON him? Musta gave him a good whoopin to get that from him

By Awwdatsucks | 2

#3693063 - Tuesday 6 December 2011 18:44

I'd have to say the whole tripping and falling part is worse... Hell most people would grab at $10 on the ground.

thisisafunnyname | 12

#3693807 - Tuesday 6 December 2011 21:21

Anyone would pick up a bill, even if it's only a one

By ninjuh_wingman | 29

#3693079 - Tuesday 6 December 2011 18:47

Its not like it was a quarter or something. Its fine.

suavesuave | 2

#3694364 - Tuesday 6 December 2011 23:12

Would have been funnier

By Cmdr_Shepard | 17

#3693088 - Tuesday 6 December 2011 18:48

You couldn't have just walked over to the money and try to pick it up like a normal adult? Maybe if it was a $100 bill, I would have ran for it...

gabrielbaby | 9

#3693546 - Tuesday 6 December 2011 20:18

I would have ran for it if it was a 20. But I also would have chased after it until I got to one of the kids, then punched them, and take it.

By tsim_fml | 0

#3693092 - Tuesday 6 December 2011 18:48

I never pick money up from the ground. My reason: One time my friends jacked off on a $20 dollar bill, wiped it off and put it on the ground at school and waited for someone to pick it up... thats nasty