Today, I removed the safety padding from around the trampoline...

By Not-so-good-gymnast - 27/9/2009 08:35 - Australia

Today, I removed the safety padding from around the trampoline because it seemed useless. This afternoon, I did a backflip, got my hair stuck in the springs, ripped out a chunk of my hair, and face planted it into the brick pavers. FML

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Miscellaneous

Relationships sink

Alexa, play "Hey! Student" by The Fall

Great boyfriend

By Nosexever? - 25/10/2018 13:30

Today, my husband started a new job as an OTR truck driver. He was assigned one week of home time each month, which happens to be the same exact week my period comes every month. FML

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By wowthanksworld - 22/3/2013 15:42 - United States

Today, I was on the subway when I felt like I was going to faint. I got off the train at the next stop, walked to a bench, but fell over and passed out. When I woke up, I looked around at at least 25 people, who had stepped around me, passed out, in the middle of the platform. FML

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By Anonymous - 8/4/2009 04:34 - United States

Today, I was afraid my mother had seen the bottle of hand lotion I'd forgotten to take off the desk after I'd whacked off last night, but she acted fine. I went out with friends to find she'd had changed the background to say "Please Do Not Watch Porn on the Family Computer." FML

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By not even getting any of her shrimp - 11/2/2014 21:50 - United States - Draper

Today, I took my girlfriend out to a vegetarian-friendly restaurant. She ordered shrimp fettuccine, and I asked why. She slowly explained to me that vegetarians can eat shrimp, then muttered that she now knows who has the brains in our relationship. FML

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By grannysmack - 11/7/2009 09:10 - United States

Today, as I was bent over at my waitressing job an elderly woman walked by and smacked my ass. I looked at her, shocked, and she said, "It was too tempting with you bent over like that, I have a dirty old mind." I didn't know whether to be flattered or horrified. Maybe both. FML

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By Anonymous - 7/6/2013 22:00 - United States

Today, I got to drive my mom's car. I'd recently watched the new Fast and Furious movie, I thought it'd be fun to drift around a few corners. I ended up smashing straight into someone's front yard. FML

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By Anon - 11/9/2016 07:27 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, I really haven't been feeling well. Even thought I felt like complete shit, my friends dragged me out to a club. When I got there, I ran into the bathroom and started simultaneously shitting and puking. If I stopped one, the other got worse. I was stuck there for an hour and a half. FML

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By SomeoneElse - 14/7/2009 13:39 - United Kingdom

Today, I was in a music shop looking for a new guitar when someone called out someone else's name and jumped on my back. I lost balance and fell forward and broke 3 guitars and damaged another 6. The guy said "Sorry, thought you were someone else" and ran out. I now have to pay £2500. FML

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By - 30/1/2019 00:00

Today, the little bell in my car that lets you know your keys are still in your ignition went out. How did I find out? I locked myself out of both my house and my car. FML

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By Anonymous - 3/2/2013 07:14 - United States - Fort Collins

Today, after having lost my phone three days ago, I paid a $150 non-refundable fee to have my phone replaced and mailed to me by Tuesday. A half hour later, I found my original phone. FML

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By Anonymous - 10/2/2010 00:56 - United States

Today, I was about to have sex with my boyfriend when he reminded me that I needed to cut my toe nails. FML

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By Felix - 5/12/2018 14:30 - Ireland

Today, my 1 month old kitten peed all over my kitchen floor. I wanted to get some water out of one of drawers and slipped on the piss. My phone shattered and i dislocated my arm. FML

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By Anonymous - 14/6/2014 06:42 - Canada - Regina

Today, my older brother managed to convince my younger sister that she's actually a boy, and that she'll soon be getting a penis in the mail, which she excitedly told everyone she could. He convinced me of the exact same thing as well several years ago. FML

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By tomchuq - 30/8/2009 07:12 - United States

Today, I realized I can hold a pencil in my fat rolls. FML

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By Anonymous - 10/7/2015 18:19 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I was having computer problems, so I let my friend have remote access to fix them. We were video-chatting on Skype at the time, and so he thought it'd be hilarious to load hardcore porn in my browser the moment he saw my mom enter the room from behind me. I'm now grounded. FML

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By Alice - 24/10/2012 16:52 - United Kingdom

Today, I passed out while I was with my boyfriend in his garden. I woke up on the concrete just outside his house. Apparently, he'd tried to carry me in, but because he was too weak, he gave up and went to watch TV. FML

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By DD - 8/2/2010 14:18 - France

Today, my wife told me that she wants a divorce. Apparently, I'm taking too long to forgive her for having an affair. FML

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By mfnfhdjdjddjsjfn - 3/9/2012 08:39 - Australia - Sydney

Today, I was in a terrific mood after finding a bouquet of beautiful flowers on my doorstep when I came home. That is, until I recognised the handwriting of my "secret admirer" was the same as my mother's. FML

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By Anonymous - 29/8/2014 16:16 - United States - Port Lavaca

Today, it's been three weeks since my dad finished growing what he calls a "Jesus beard" and gone out asking for donations and claiming to be Jesus Christ. I've been trying and failing to get a job for 2 years, and he's already raking in cash from gullible idiots. FML

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By blah - 15/2/2009 23:57 - Canada

Today, my boyfriend gave me a card for my birthday and told me to open it 10 minutes after he'd gone; I waited for 5. In the card was written, "It's not working out, but here's $20." FML

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By Anonymous - 11/3/2013 21:52 - United States - Lake Dallas

Today, thinking my girlfriend had left her little black thong in the dryer to tease me, I sent her a picture of me seductively posing with it. She didn't text back, but a few hours later my 16 year old daughter asked if she'd left anything in the dryer. FML

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By Cheese4men - 14/5/2010 23:28 - Canada

Today, I walked in on my boyfriend saying, "I shall be the prince, and you shall be the princess," to his hamster. Once he saw me, he quickly turned to the hamster and said, "I have to go. The dragon is here." FML

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By whymyroomthough - 6/8/2014 22:18 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I woke up because of a weird noise. Scared, I turned on my bedside lamp. I saw my older, 17-year-old brother peeing in my bedroom doorway. He was hoping I'd step in it in the morning. FML

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By SuddenlyDogless - 22/2/2017 13:00 - Canada - Beachville

Today, my dog has very watery diarrhea. I laid down paper towels to soak it up, and went to get sanitary wipes for the rest of it. When I came back, my dog had dragged the paper towels up onto the sand coloured loveseat. Sand coloured no longer. FML

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By missingcharlie - 17/8/2009 02:45 - United States

Today, in the middle of having sex with my boyfriend, instead of saying something sexy, he decided to tell me that the bowling alley had a new air hockey table. FML

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By fedexed - 27/7/2009 19:12 - United States

Today, I brought my lunch to work in the only box I had lying around my apartment - a small one from FedEx. When I went to the bathroom before lunch, I returned to my desk to find that one of my coworkers had mailed my lunch back to my apartment. FML

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By boob sisters - 2/7/2014 17:01 - United States - Lilburn

Today, I sent my boyfriend a picture of my boobs. I quickly found out that I'd accidentally sent it to my sister instead. She sent me one back. FML

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By The_HML - 24/3/2009 02:48 - United States

Today, I was swimming in the ocean, not too far off shore. I had asked my mom to come in, but she was afraid of the water because fish had nipped at her toes or something back in the day. I told her there was nothing to fear. I ended up getting stung in the balls by a Jelly fish. FML

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By What the fuck, son? - 11/5/2013 16:21 - Netherlands - Amerongen

Today, I walked in on my son trying to carve a bong out of a watermelon. FML

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By sausages - 17/1/2014 20:56 - Macedonia - Skopje

Today, I went to get my first tattoo. Before we started, the tattooist told me to just relax and embrace the pain. I guess I did that too well; I kept getting an erection throughout. FML

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By melean - 4/10/2010 06:37 - Trinidad and Tobago

Today, on my way to school I dropped my money. As I turned to pick it up, I saw an old lady snatch it up. We began to argue when a police officer came over. Not only was I accused of being a disorderly thief, but that old lady just walked away with my lunch money for the entire week. FML

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By Anonymous - 9/3/2016 13:52 - Madagascar

Today, nearly six months later, my incompetent, lazy coworker still refuses to believe I didn't screw my way to the promotion both of us were competing for. FML

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By Lulu - 16/7/2017 00:30

Today, the first day of my 4-day weekend, I fell off my scooter. I'll have to spend the rest of my vacation bandaged and away from water. I'm on a beach. FML

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By bready - 16/2/2009 13:01 - United States

Today, I drank a ton of beers for my 25th birthday. My friends love to watch me open beer bottles with my teeth. I chipped both of my front uppers doing this. I'm no longer covered by my parents dental insurance because I'm 25 now. FML

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By idrathernotgiveoutmyname - 31/1/2012 02:50 - Canada

Today, I was texting the guy I like. He's really smart, funny, athletic, and cute. This all changed when he told me he was jacking off. FML

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By ImprovTeacher - 16/6/2019 14:05

Today, I was teaching a small group of improv students. I asked one guy to do a monologue, and laughed to myself while he did so. I said, "Sorry, I'm just laughing at the way you're doing it." He then got upset and pointed out that he had a speech impediment. FML

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By nerd_man01 - 10/7/2009 19:20 - United States

Today, my younger brother, who is 15, had to show me the quickest way to take off a woman's bra. I'm 12 years older than he is. FML

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By Hopeless - 12/7/2009 03:18 - United States

Today, my boyfriend called me and he was very upset, crying that he had been betrayed. He then began to explain that his friend had slept with his ex-girlfriend. I asked why he was so upset, and he said he still loved her, and really thought they were going to be able to work things out. FML

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By Tipless - 7/11/2009 05:36 - United States

Today, I was working as a Valet driver. After getting no customers for 5 hours in the pouring rain, a woman driving by stops and asks me for directions. Before leaving, she said, "I should probably tip you for that, since that's probably the only money you'd get all night." She didn't. FML

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By Anonymous - 6/2/2018 19:00

Today, my best friend of 12 years traveled cross country to help me recover from major surgery. I've been sitting in the hospital by myself while she has sex in my empty apartment with some guy she met. FML

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Top comments

By cucuto89 | 0

#589738 - Sunday 27 September 2009 16:10

you went out of your way to remove a safety device that you didn't even think was a hindrance to it at all. YDI 110%

By ALittleBitCrazy | 0

#589730 - Sunday 27 September 2009 16:07

Fail!

Comments

By ALittleBitCrazy | 0

#589730 - Sunday 27 September 2009 16:07

Fail!

yougetmecloserto | 0

#589866 - Sunday 27 September 2009 17:42

Hahaha, the OP is from the same place as me (western australia) so props for being in proximity of a retard!

Zhejan | 0

#589924 - Sunday 27 September 2009 18:18

Well, life on a trampoline does have its ups and downs.

guillotine_fml | 0

#589988 - Sunday 27 September 2009 19:07

ahah, win

capital_seven | 0

#590679 - Monday 28 September 2009 1:54

OH SO MUCH WIN

mak_attack | 0

#592149 - Monday 28 September 2009 20:30

ahahahaha, win comment XD

RileyFerrari | 0

#1029942 - Monday 14 June 2010 4:18

Retard.

TheBitchOfChuckN | 7

#3122889 - Wednesday 17 August 2011 2:58

Yes, anything with the word "SAFETY" in it is useless.

By Eashag | 3

#589731 - Sunday 27 September 2009 16:07

Lol, definitely YDI. Retard.

eerriikk1122 | 0

#589829 - Sunday 27 September 2009 17:18

it is there for a reason or??

Kaplowitz | 0

#589961 - Sunday 27 September 2009 18:50

#20, when you have retard sex with the OP please use a condom

Starchild21 | 3

#590045 - Sunday 27 September 2009 19:55

lol I think they're going to spend a few hours trying to figure out if the penis goes in the ear or somewhere else haha

_______________________________
www.myspace.com/rapid99

allmidnighteyes | 10

#590573 - Monday 28 September 2009 0:53

BELLY BUTTON! No, wait... that's not it... ARMPIT! Yeah, that's the right one! :D

diet_otaku | 0

#590998 - Monday 28 September 2009 4:53

#20, seriously? SAFETY padding? it's there for SAFETY, which is why it's never useless and should never be removed, and OP is retarded and totally deserves it.