Love: Today, I received the photos my friend took of me proposing to...

By Anonymous - United States - Salem

Today, I received the photos my friend took of me proposing to my girlfriend. I'd proposed at the place we'd first met: the local zoo. When I looked them over, I noticed there was an elephant taking a poop in the background. FML

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Love

Season finale

This Charming Man

Late term

By Nicoli - United States

Today, my boyfriend of five years was in a bad car crash, and ended up with a concussion. He didn't remember me. At all. But he remembered his other girlfriend he had cheated on me with for two months. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Oak Ridge

Today, my mom called me into the living room to say that she had something important to tell me. She then explained how she and my dad had "talked things over" and wanted me to know that they accept me and love me no matter what. Apparently my mom thinks I'm lesbian. I'm not. FML

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By Anonymous - 22/1/2021 08:01

Run, run away pronto

Today, my fiancé yelled at me after I got off the phone with my friends, because I said I hadn't felt this happy and hadn't laughed this much in a long time. He was also mad that I didn't cook him dinner. He didn't ask me to cook dinner for him. He then told me to go somewhere else if I'm not happy with him. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Portland

Today, at college, I walked in on some kid jerking off in front of the bathroom sink. This place never ceases to amaze and disgust me. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I got a well paying job that requires me to drive around and present a product to potential customers. After going out for a victory meal with friends, I came home to find my car broken into, and my GPS stolen. I need it for the job. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was driving through a neighborhood and saw a "slow down, children" sign. I was nice and slowed down as I passed a couple little kids with their parents outside watching them. I guess I was going too slow because one of the fathers started chasing me down the street calling me a pedophile. FML

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By Anonymous - 20/9/2020 17:00 - United Stated - Portland

Stormy weather

Today, I was about to have sex with my long-term boyfriend, when it started to rain. He was so interested in the storm that he left me half naked to look outside. FML

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By Greatgrandpa - Curacao

Today, my only child introduced his new girlfriend to me. He is 36 and has no children. She is 46 and has a pregnant daughter who she is very close with. I don't know if I'll ever be a grandfather, but in any case, my son is going to be one before me. FML

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By damn - Australia - Sydney

Today, I had a fight with my boyfriend over a girl he is close to. He later arrived with flowers for what I thought was an apology. He was actually breaking up with me; the flowers were for her, he just didn't want to leave them in the car. FML

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By DeadScared - Canada

Today, my boyfriend kindly informed me that if I ever got bitten during a zombie apocalypse, he'd love me enough to beat me to death with a tire iron. He said this because he's been having vivid dreams about it happening. I honestly don't know whether he's joking or not. FML

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By ShittyWalls - United States - Moorestown

Today, the guy in the dorm room next to me was playing very loud metal music. I went next door and kindly asked him to turn it off. He did, so I went back to my room to go back to sleep. It turns out he was using the music to drown out his girlfriend's very loud moans. FML

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By JimmyJazzNJ - United States

Today, I was giving a tour on campus when one of my friends approached us and said "Don't go here, the weed's too expensive." and walked away. Thinking he's coming back to say he's joking, he instead says "Just kidding, its really cheap." and walked away. I may or may not still have a job. FML

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By Brandee - Canada

Today, a guy commented on a picture of my boyfriend and I kissing on facebook, and said to please stop 'testing' him. He also messaged me saying how he wishes he could get a girlfriend like me, that I'm gorgeous, and that he wants to go out with me. I'm his cousin. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Sharon

Today, I was walking home from a horrible day at work, when some idiot emptied a trashcan on my head from his apartment balcony. He cried "Oh shit!" and apologized because I wasn't his intended target. FML

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By BiteMe - United States - Upper Marlboro

Today, my dentist told me I have a cavity and blamed it on the "subpar" toothpaste I've been using - the same toothpaste he recommended six months ago at my last appointment. FML

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By omgwtfsam - United States

Today, my dad somehow found some pictures of my boyfriend having sex with some girl and went on a rampage about how pissed he was that he was cheating on me. I had to explain to my parents that I was the girl in the pictures. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I thought it was a good idea to go number two while smoking a "cigarette". My ash tray was over by the sink so I decided to just ash in the toilet. While ashing between my legs, I sneezed and now I have a extremely uncomfortable burn on my man member. Smoking is bad. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, I got into my car and realised that my CDs were no longer in my glove box. According to the police, the random key code for my car type has been cracked, and thieves can now let themselves in whenever they want. The manufacturer says they can't do anything about it. FML

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By Mojosahomo - United States - Salt Lake City

Thanksssss

Today, my cat decided to show me just how much he loves me by bringing a live snake into my bedroom. Thanks. FML

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By fmbadluck - 29/10/2020 12:01 - Dominican Republic - Santo Domingo

Drive

Today, I set a new record: two fender benders in less than 10 minutes. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I've had bad gas all day. In bed, almost asleep, I felt the urge to fart, and thinking nothing of it, I let it rip. It wasn't a fart. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was driving my car like any ordinary day. My dad has been harping on me about not checking the oil, so I finally checked it. Driving down the road my hood flew up and shattered my windshield. I forgot to latch my hood after checking the oil. $300 for a new windshield. The oil was fine. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my boyfriend called me in the middle of the night and told me he got mugged and was on his way to the hospital. I told him to fuck off because that was a horrible April Fool's joke. He asked if I wanted to talk to the paramedic. I told him to stop bothering me. Turns out it was true. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, my husband has had a low sex drive for a while now. I've been trying all sorts of things to pique his desire. Turns out that a conversation about Neil deGrasse Tyson was all I ever needed. FML

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By loser doctor - Philippines

Today, I found out the girl I was in love with has a new boyfriend. I blame myself because I believed her when she said she "wasn't ready" for a relationship. FML

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By anidiotskeeper - United States - Hawthorne

Today, I went to my girlfriend's house and caught her digging for gold. She wasn't picking her nose - she was literally trying to dig for gold in her backyard. FML

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By Ecolo-girl - France - Quint

Today, my wife, the budding environmentalist, who is also 6 months pregnant, threatened to leave me because according to her I'm responsible for the world's deforestation. I'd only drawn her a picture of her with our baby-to-be. FML

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By ari - United States

Today, I started at my new job. The woman who I'll be working right next to 40 hours a week introduced herself with, "I know what your name is. I know what you're planning, and I've been sent to destroy you." FML

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By livingamongtheflowers - United States

Today, I received yet another rejection letter from a college I'd applied to. After crying for a week about how lousy I felt, my older sister gave me all 6 of the acceptance letters she'd been hiding. Turns out she's been forging rejection letters and keeping the real ones in her room. FML

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By littlemissgullible - United States

Today, I was talking to an ex who I still love. He told me how much he wanted to see me, how much he missed me, and we started talking about when we could spend the day at his house. I mentioned Saturday, and he said, "I can't, I have to take my fiancée to the doctor's to find out our baby's sex." FML

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By Anonymous - France - Cateri

Today, I had a boyfriend who wanted to wait until marriage before having sex. When I came home, I realised he must have married my roommate. FML

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By tm - United States - Madisonville

Today, I went to the emergency room with chest pain. I didn't have a heart attack, but I now have a broken nose after passing out and face-planting in the waiting room. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I saw my boyfriend of a year kissing another girl. When I walked up to confront him about it, he tried to convince the other girl he didn't know who I was. FML

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By wasntme - Netherlands

Today, I finally passed a math exam. I go home super excited to tell my mom, yelling "Mom! Guess what!?!?!" She turns to me all happy and goes "You finally got a boyfriend!?!?!?" FML

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By NeedHeadPhone - Canada

I love that for you

Today, I overhead my mother's request to be spanked harder by my dad. FML

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By anonomous - United States

Today, it looks like I may have an STD. My fiancé and his friends went to Vegas two months ago. He says he's been completely faithful. They say what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas. Turns out that's not quite true. FML

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By he wasn't even playing - Australia - Corrimal

Today, my boyfriend told me he wouldn't be able to cover his share of the rent because he didn't work during the week, saying business has been slow. I checked and found out he called in sick four times. He wanted to stay home and watch online gaming matches. FML

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By jeesh - United States

Today, my girlfriend caught me picking my nose and eating the booger. FML

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By Dgama - United States - Baltimore

Today, I went to see my new boyfriend play in a band. I found out that groupies don't like even bass players having girlfriends. I was attacked by one because he smiled at me from the stage. FML

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By Anonymous - 29/7/2020 23:00

Crisis

Today, I had a customer throw his purchase at me and demand a refund after I told him that, due to the national change shortage, I couldn't give him his 38 cents. FML

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Top comments

By tarabelle | 7

#4571615 - Saturday 16 June 2012 1:43

Well, there's always photoshop? I'm sorry op .xx

By xXxIracebethxXx | 14

#4571645 - Saturday 16 June 2012 1:46

Why are you apologizing? Were you the elephant that was pooping?

COMMENTS

By cat_chick | 6

#4571606 - Saturday 16 June 2012 1:42

That sucks, just like my comment.

ajh557 | 22

#5727639 - Thursday 24 October 2013 3:28

Not as shitty as his proposal

By williemac987 | 5

#4571608 - Saturday 16 June 2012 1:42

Oh that sux sorry

xXxIracebethxXx | 14

#4571645 - Saturday 16 June 2012 1:46

Why are you apologizing? Were you the elephant that was pooping?

AwkwardPartyBear | 24

#4571679 - Saturday 16 June 2012 1:48

The pressure of getting the first comment must have gotten to you

JoeRogansBEARD | 15

#4571920 - Saturday 16 June 2012 2:42

Am I the only one wondering if there was peanuts in it?

williemac987 | 5

#4572008 - Saturday 16 June 2012 3:09

Yea I just typed something quickly so I could be first, I actually didn't even read the FML so I was just like oh that stinks

spacemanspiff78 | 7

#4572014 - Saturday 16 June 2012 3:10

Am I the only one wondering why this is even a FML?

JocelynKaulitz | 28

#4572059 - Saturday 16 June 2012 3:32

Proposing at a zoo…well that's romantic.

CookieGirl4ever | 13

#4572084 - Saturday 16 June 2012 3:39

Hey, at least he didn't say "that's a shitty situation."

Rowdey | 10

#4572126 - Saturday 16 June 2012 4:02

54 - That's where they first met, so it kind of is romantic..

reddawn1985 | 12

#4572513 - Saturday 16 June 2012 5:47

Hey when you gotta go... ya gotta go

Wood1andcritter | 3

#4572882 - Saturday 16 June 2012 6:40

You shouldve its hilarious

JocelynKaulitz | 28

#4573399 - Saturday 16 June 2012 9:34

64 - then I guess he shouldn't be complaining since he should have seen that coming. The animals weren't really gonna be polite and hold their poop until he's done proposing now were they?

rockaroths | 15

#4573418 - Saturday 16 June 2012 9:41

95 - and you don't have to be such an asshole

MDTeddy | 13

#4573435 - Saturday 16 June 2012 9:53

Didn't even read the fml? *facepalm*

ReesieBanana21 | 12

#4581389 - Monday 18 June 2012 8:07

Awesome!

By tarabelle | 7

#4571615 - Saturday 16 June 2012 1:43

Well, there's always photoshop? I'm sorry op .xx

HonestTruth | 5

#4571995 - Saturday 16 June 2012 3:05

Yep, just crop it out if its on the side or add the shade effect.

AlexM42 | 5

#4572124 - Saturday 16 June 2012 4:02

Or, you know just use the magic eraser...

j_cat187 | 19

#4573046 - Saturday 16 June 2012 7:17

Let's go tho the curves channel and increase the contrast slightly. Then, clone stamp shit all over the place

SpruceDread4578 | 13

#4575904 - Saturday 16 June 2012 22:32

The biggest reason to hate instagram is because of how HORRIBLY it reduces the picture's quality

By EnterSandman_fml | 20

#4571618 - Saturday 16 June 2012 1:43

Well, perhaps someone with photoshop skills could take care of that.

EnterSandman_fml | 20

#4571638 - Saturday 16 June 2012 1:45

There's a free alternative to Photoshop called Gimp you could try to fix those pics. It works much better at editing than trying to edit my comment #5 before.

Draconium | 8

#4571853 - Saturday 16 June 2012 2:24

Anything's free if you're a pirate :D

EnterSandman_fml | 20

#4572045 - Saturday 16 June 2012 3:26

Gimp is an actual free program though, so no piracy issues for people who suck with computers. People like me lol.

tpike1296 | 11

#4572209 - Saturday 16 June 2012 5:04

Utorrent, thepiratebay.se, and are the only tools you need to pirate. Oh, and reading skills xD

i_canlickmyelbow | 3

#4574596 - Saturday 16 June 2012 14:29

Or you could...you know, just buy the stuff. Instead of stealing it.

dsbs | 9

#4574913 - Saturday 16 June 2012 16:32

104- but wahady point in that?

i_canlickmyelbow | 3

#4577258 - Sunday 17 June 2012 6:47

IDK. I have these things called morals. *shrug*

By soccergurrll | 8

#4571621 - Saturday 16 June 2012 1:44

Don't you just hate when that happens?

challan | 19

#4572109 - Saturday 16 June 2012 3:55

Shit happens!

By Avoriginies_fml_fml | 14

#4571641 - Saturday 16 June 2012 1:45

At least they weren't doing the dirty deed!

By Xxkrystalxxx | 10

#4571643 - Saturday 16 June 2012 1:46

Sounds like a shitty situation to me -__-

Bonzer | 2

#4571832 - Saturday 16 June 2012 2:14

Why, just why? That overused joke is used every single time an FML mentions poop, and every time the comment is thumbed down. When will you people learn and come up with an original joke?

JoeRogansBEARD | 15

#4571910 - Saturday 16 June 2012 2:40

When bush stops eating cats

Bonzer | 2

#4571942 - Saturday 16 June 2012 2:49

^ Bush will never stop eating pussy!

hockeyoceancity | 13

#4571947 - Saturday 16 June 2012 2:50

Bonzer, was that picture actually of him eating corn? I think i've seen that picture but with corn and the caption saying, "There's something wrong with this banana!"