Today, I received the photos my friend took of me proposing to...

By Anonymous - 15/6/2012 17:12 - United States - Salem

Today, I received the photos my friend took of me proposing to my girlfriend. I'd proposed at the place we'd first met: the local zoo. When I looked them over, I noticed there was an elephant taking a poop in the background. FML

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Love

Drinking is bad for you, most of the time

DINOSAURS!!

Gordon Ramsey called, you're an idiot sandwich

By NeedTea - 21/12/2018 06:00 - United States

Today i stopped at Starbucks to get a tea before work and was surprised that there wasn't a line. As i was leaving the automatic door closed knocking my out of my hand. I headed back in only to discover a huge line had formed and they made me pay for the replacement that their door spilled. FML

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By Anonymous - 18/11/2012 12:13 - United States - Brooklyn

Today, after I spent two hours trying to teach my girlfriend to play sudoku, she broke up with me, tearfully claiming that I'd made up a fake, imaginary game to make her feel stupid. FML

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By ferrarismyname - 9/4/2009 06:40 - United States

Today, I was sitting shotgun in the car. A huge bug came inside, and everyone began to freak out so naturally I began to swat at it. I got the fly, but I also cracked the windshield. I paid $229 to kill a bug. FML

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By TimeForAHairCut - 8/6/2012 23:44 - United States - Eugene

Today, I was napping when my little brother cut off huge chunks of my hair. He thought it would turn me into the older brother he always wanted. He's 8. FML

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By jesus fuck - 19/12/2018 13:30

Today, I got my 1 year old daughter vaccinated. My wife tried to leave me because she's "never felt more betrayed". FML

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By Shelly - 7/6/2009 02:25 - United States

Today, I used the restroom at a department store. While I was in my stall, I overheard a little girl say to her mother, "I see someone wearing pink!" I remembered that I was wearing pink just as she finished her thought, "And she's pooping." She was peeking at me through the stall. FML

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By buttpicker - 19/4/2010 23:24 - United States

Today, I was walking my dog and he stopped to take a crap. While he was doing his business, I saw something white coming out of his butt that just wouldn't budge. He started whimpering and I stepped in to help him. I pulled out an entire plastic bag. FML

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By NoTypeOfExercise - 11/7/2016 15:05 - United States - Encino

Today, my husband told me I couldn't go to my morning yoga class, because he needed to leave for work at 7:30 am sharp, and I wouldn't be back in time to watch our son. It's 8:05 am and he still hasn't left for work. FML

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By GamerAM - 27/6/2019 22:23

Today, after over a week of trying to get a hold of my doctor for a much-needed medication refill, he finally called back. Too bad my phone got unplugged and died in the middle of the night. FML

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By air - 13/7/2009 09:17 - United States

Today, I found out I was pregnant. When I told my boyfriend that I couldn't believe this happened he said, "I'm not going to lie, I didn't always pull out fast." FML

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By oh.geez - 5/2/2012 08:00 - United States

Today, my fiancé has decided to become my cat's personal trainer. This includes talking to the cat, attempting to motivate him to run up and down the stairs and telling the cat to call him "Coach Daddy". I now have a crazy fiancé and a very angry cat. FML

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By Crispy - 21/6/2009 05:05 - United States

Today, my girlfriend talked me into tanning in a tanning bed for the first time ever. I have never tanned before and didn't know you are supposed to ease into it. I tanned for 15 minutes in the "super bed" and have lobstered. My ass and nuts got the worst of it. FML

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By Anonymous - 26/9/2009 23:02 - Canada

Today, I wrote to the guy whom I am in love with how I feel about him. He was very calm and told me to give him some time to think it over. Later in the day, I found out he blocked my number and rejected me on facebook. But, the worse part is he then texted me saying "This is my reply". FML

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By Anonymous - 19/9/2014 08:58 - Belgium

Today, in a rush to get out of my house to go to a doctor's appointment, I closed the door behind me without having my house or car keys on me. Sadly, it took me less than a minute to break into my own house. FML

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By Anonymous - 10/3/2013 07:52 - United States

Today, I tried to pick up a girl by asking her what the time was as a conversation starter. She responded by telling me it was time to pick a girl more in my league. FML

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By Failsafe - 9/5/2016 14:35 - United States - Newark

Today, I worked up the courage to ask out the girl I liked. I got her a nice bracelet for her birthday and asked her on a date when I gave it to her. "Aww, you're so sweet!" was the response to the gift. Her response to the date proposal? "Wait, you aren't gay?" FML

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By no she wasn't high - 2/12/2013 02:50 - United States - Garland

Today, I had to explain to my daughter that just because it says non-toxic on the crayons, it doesn't mean that you should eat them. She's 16. FML

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By nycol - 17/2/2012 14:13 - Australia

Today, I had to explain to my 18-year-old boyfriend why it is not okay to pee in the pool. FML

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By Anonymous - 19/10/2009 23:51 - Canada

Today, my girlfriend and I got into a huge fight. She kicked me out of the apartment and told me to never come back. Devastated, I waited outside of the apartment door for hours hoping she'd reconsider. I ended up falling asleep. I woke up to her foot stomping on me, screaming "I meant it!" FML

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By andrie09 - 7/7/2009 22:18 - United States

Today, my mom told me I was a bad daughter because I didn't get anything for my parents' anniversary. I just sent my brother a check for $400 for my share of their gift. FML

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By georgiahick - 30/12/2011 14:09

Today, my boyfriend asked me to 'spice things up in the bedroom'. When I asked how, he said I could try wearing a paper bag over my head. FML

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By Bam - 9/9/2018 15:00

Today, after being told my cellphone was under warranty and would be repaired for free, Samsung received my device, changed their minds, and charged me $636.96 to return my device to me. That's more than the device costs new at this point. FML

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By LOLOLOLOL - 20/8/2012 08:55 - United States - Greensboro

Today, I watched as some idiot made a bad U-turn and I laughed. I then turned into another car. FML

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By furbys69 - 31/5/2017 09:00 - United States - Kingsport

Today, my girlfriend and I were starting to get frisky when the Furby Party Rocker all the way across the room started going off on its own and completely killed the mood. I took the batteries out of the little bastard immediately, but the mood was lost. FML

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By ItHurtsLIkeHell - 1/3/2010 09:13 - Malaysia

Today, I learnt that if you accidentally sit on a hamster, instead of dying, it bites your testicles. FML

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By Courtney - 12/11/2011 21:13 - United States

Today, only after I almost knocked myself out cold with the shampoo bottle, did I finally get some out. FML

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By tarynfaye - 21/12/2011 11:28 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I gave each other early Christmas gifts. I gave him a basketball signed by his favorite player, which took me forever to find. He got me diet pills. FML

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By Drafty - 7/11/2012 21:30 - United States - Sylmar

Today, a stray dog came up to my living room window. My pitbull went into attack mode and tried to jump through said window, while it was closed. Now I have to pay to replace the window, and pay to get stitches for my idiot dog. FML

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By Whoops - 3/9/2009 20:28 - United States

Today, I discovered the guy that sits next to me in class is actually a girl. Not only is that bad, but we had to write a paper about each other. I used the words "him" and "he", and read it to the whole class. FML

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By zain - 4/6/2011 06:15 - United States

Today, at my job as a lifeguard, the kids in the pool decided to start a new game. The game involved spreading out to different parts of the pool and pretending to be drowning at the same time. Whoever was "saved" first, won. FML

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By Anonymous - 20/1/2011 17:18 - Philippines

Today, I wanted to do something special for my upcoming second anniversary with my girlfriend, so I decided to make a short animation of our lives together since we were preschoolers. In the middle of working on the storyboard, she called and broke up with me. FML

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By Steve - 30/9/2011 10:18 - New Zealand

Today, I had a car accident. In the same place, at the same time, and with the same friend in the passenger seat as last week. FML

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By eric - 16/3/2011 07:31 - United States

Today, my mom caught me talking to my penis. FML

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By foreveralone - 23/7/2013 09:51 - New Zealand - Torbay

Today, I was finally asked out on a date after a year of being single. Turns out he got the wrong number. FML

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By Anonymous - 13/5/2019 10:00

Today, I had to help pick a jury for trial. I had to do a roll call to make sure that everyone was present. I stood up in front of a packed courtroom and said, “Okay, I’m going to do a roll call to make sure that everyone is here and pregnant.” Everyone laughed at me. FML

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By neveragain89 - 6/1/2012 00:37 - Australia

Today, I had shelves installed using a builder who came highly recommended by my co-worker. Turns out the builder is her friend, who has no actual qualifications or experience as a builder, but 'it's his dream'. I now have a gaping hole in my kitchen where the shelves should be. FML

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By anonymous - 1/12/2016 16:00 - United States - Saint Paul

Today, my family was watching a football game and kept mentioning their team's quarterback's name and, as I'm not a football fan by any means, asked them who this was. My grandma then turned to me and said, "This is why you don't have a boyfriend." FML

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By Nish - 30/10/2013 00:41 - United States - Kent

Today, I got my cats a new scratching post. They completely ignored it and tore apart the new felt on my pool table. FML

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By - 15/1/2017 08:00

Today, after getting home from shopping, I noticed a security tag was still on one of the shirts I bought. I decided to take it back and ask them to remove the tag. They then accused me of trying to steal (even after I showed them the receipt) and kicked me out of the store. FML

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By screwedupkid - 3/5/2012 17:45

Today, I sarcastically pointed out a book to my mom, titled "Living Successfully With Screwed Up People." She already has it. FML

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Top comments

By tarabelle | 7

#4571615 - Saturday 16 June 2012 1:43

Well, there's always photoshop? I'm sorry op .xx

By xXxIracebethxXx | 14

#4571645 - Saturday 16 June 2012 1:46

Why are you apologizing? Were you the elephant that was pooping?

COMMENTS

By cat_chick | 6

#4571606 - Saturday 16 June 2012 1:42

That sucks, just like my comment.

ajh557 | 22

#5727639 - Thursday 24 October 2013 3:28

Not as shitty as his proposal

By williemac987 | 5

#4571608 - Saturday 16 June 2012 1:42

Oh that sux sorry

xXxIracebethxXx | 14

#4571645 - Saturday 16 June 2012 1:46

Why are you apologizing? Were you the elephant that was pooping?

AwkwardPartyBear | 24

#4571679 - Saturday 16 June 2012 1:48

The pressure of getting the first comment must have gotten to you

JoeRogansBEARD | 15

#4571920 - Saturday 16 June 2012 2:42

Am I the only one wondering if there was peanuts in it?

williemac987 | 5

#4572008 - Saturday 16 June 2012 3:09

Yea I just typed something quickly so I could be first, I actually didn't even read the FML so I was just like oh that stinks

spacemanspiff78 | 7

#4572014 - Saturday 16 June 2012 3:10

Am I the only one wondering why this is even a FML?

JocelynKaulitz | 28

#4572059 - Saturday 16 June 2012 3:32

Proposing at a zoo…well that's romantic.

CookieGirl4ever | 13

#4572084 - Saturday 16 June 2012 3:39

Hey, at least he didn't say "that's a shitty situation."

Rowdey | 10

#4572126 - Saturday 16 June 2012 4:02

54 - That's where they first met, so it kind of is romantic..

reddawn1985 | 12

#4572513 - Saturday 16 June 2012 5:47

Hey when you gotta go... ya gotta go

Wood1andcritter | 3

#4572882 - Saturday 16 June 2012 6:40

You shouldve its hilarious

JocelynKaulitz | 28

#4573399 - Saturday 16 June 2012 9:34

64 - then I guess he shouldn't be complaining since he should have seen that coming. The animals weren't really gonna be polite and hold their poop until he's done proposing now were they?

rockaroths | 15

#4573418 - Saturday 16 June 2012 9:41

95 - and you don't have to be such an asshole

MDTeddy | 13

#4573435 - Saturday 16 June 2012 9:53

Didn't even read the fml? *facepalm*

ReesieBanana21 | 12

#4581389 - Monday 18 June 2012 8:07

Awesome!

By tarabelle | 7

#4571615 - Saturday 16 June 2012 1:43

Well, there's always photoshop? I'm sorry op .xx

HonestTruth | 5

#4571995 - Saturday 16 June 2012 3:05

Yep, just crop it out if its on the side or add the shade effect.

AlexM42 | 5

#4572124 - Saturday 16 June 2012 4:02

Or, you know just use the magic eraser...

j_cat187 | 19

#4573046 - Saturday 16 June 2012 7:17

Let's go tho the curves channel and increase the contrast slightly. Then, clone stamp shit all over the place

SpruceDread4578 | 13

#4575904 - Saturday 16 June 2012 22:32

The biggest reason to hate instagram is because of how HORRIBLY it reduces the picture's quality

By EnterSandman_fml | 20

#4571618 - Saturday 16 June 2012 1:43

Well, perhaps someone with photoshop skills could take care of that.

EnterSandman_fml | 20

#4571638 - Saturday 16 June 2012 1:45

There's a free alternative to Photoshop called Gimp you could try to fix those pics. It works much better at editing than trying to edit my comment #5 before.

Draconium | 8

#4571853 - Saturday 16 June 2012 2:24

Anything's free if you're a pirate :D

EnterSandman_fml | 20

#4572045 - Saturday 16 June 2012 3:26

Gimp is an actual free program though, so no piracy issues for people who suck with computers. People like me lol.

tpike1296 | 11

#4572209 - Saturday 16 June 2012 5:04

Utorrent, thepiratebay.se, and are the only tools you need to pirate. Oh, and reading skills xD

i_canlickmyelbow | 3

#4574596 - Saturday 16 June 2012 14:29

Or you could...you know, just buy the stuff. Instead of stealing it.

dsbs | 9

#4574913 - Saturday 16 June 2012 16:32

104- but wahady point in that?

i_canlickmyelbow | 3

#4577258 - Sunday 17 June 2012 6:47

IDK. I have these things called morals. *shrug*

By soccergurrll | 8

#4571621 - Saturday 16 June 2012 1:44

Don't you just hate when that happens?

challan | 19

#4572109 - Saturday 16 June 2012 3:55

Shit happens!

By Avoriginies_fml_fml | 14

#4571641 - Saturday 16 June 2012 1:45

At least they weren't doing the dirty deed!

By Xxkrystalxxx | 10

#4571643 - Saturday 16 June 2012 1:46

Sounds like a shitty situation to me -__-

Bonzer | 2

#4571832 - Saturday 16 June 2012 2:14

Why, just why? That overused joke is used every single time an FML mentions poop, and every time the comment is thumbed down. When will you people learn and come up with an original joke?

JoeRogansBEARD | 15

#4571910 - Saturday 16 June 2012 2:40

When bush stops eating cats

Bonzer | 2

#4571942 - Saturday 16 June 2012 2:49

^ Bush will never stop eating pussy!

hockeyoceancity | 13

#4571947 - Saturday 16 June 2012 2:50

Bonzer, was that picture actually of him eating corn? I think i've seen that picture but with corn and the caption saying, "There's something wrong with this banana!"