Miscellaneous: Today, I received the honorary title of "student of the month,"... - FML

Nearly

01/10/2021 22:55

Today, I just had the best sex in all my life. After that, my ex-girlfriend dumped me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36

You deserved it 3

28/09/2021 01:05

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 96

You deserved it 6

Spicy

Spicy

Lightning Bolt

By LightningRod - 18/10/2021 11:00

Spicy

Today, I have an internal defibrillator from trauma to my heart 12 years ago. I finally experienced for the first time what it's like when it shocks me. Nothing says I'm a keeper like getting kicked in the chest and smacked upside the back of the head with a baseball bat while clapping cheeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 364

You deserved it 46

Weird flex, but OK

By Anonymous - 17/10/2021 08:01

Spicy

Today, I’m aware that comparing yourself too much to other people can make you unhappy. I now learned that the same goes for comparing yourself to objects. For example, between myself and the shared toilet in my student house, guess who has the most pubic hair? FML

I agree, your life sucks 508

You deserved it 138

23/10/2015 22:33

Today, I received the honorary title of "student of the month," because I'm the only quiet kid during class. Truth is, I just have no friends. I was given an award for being socially awkward. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 723

You deserved it 2 494

Broken heart

Mother of the year

Join in the fun

03/02/2016 15:29

Today, my mum had no legitimate reason to have her daily yell at me, so she resorted to bitching me out for putting her phone on charge after it started beeping with a low battery warning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 192

You deserved it 1 467

Call me by my name

By Tim Scotten - 18/05/2021 06:01

Spicy

Today, I had sex with my girlfriend for the first time. Her new nickname for me is "Mr. Breakfast Sausage." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 033

You deserved it 198

18/06/2009 13:05

Today, I was installing the official 3.0 firmware update for my iPhone. Apple's authentication servers crashed. I now own an iBrick. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 064

You deserved it 8 979

02/04/2015 06:43

Today, at the DMV I was told I had to prove, with a doctor's note, that I was an amputee and my disability was permanent to get my placard. Apparently, setting my prosthetic leg on the counter wasn't proof enough, and is considered "threatening". The police were called. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 037

You deserved it 2 605

29/08/2011 16:22

Today, I finally found out that the tattoo on my lower back means "slut" in Chinese, instead of "good fortune" as I always thought it did. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 335

You deserved it 59 155

03/01/2015 10:48

Today, it was my girlfriend's birthday, so I decided to take her to a fancy restaurant and give her an expensive $400 necklace that I had bought. Being traditional, I asked the waiter to arrange it nicely on the tray when he came with our dessert. Neither he nor the necklace ever showed up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 822

You deserved it 9 347

17/06/2012 02:08

Today, I found out my wife is pregnant. She hadn't even called me; I saw the news on my Facebook news feed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 642

You deserved it 2 375

27/07/2012 04:46

Spicy

Today, at my job, an old lady kept calling her inhaler a blow job. I kindly explained to her why she couldn't call her inhaler that. She continued to ask me for a blow job in front of visitors. I had to say yes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 197

You deserved it 2 853

22/04/2012 18:14

Today, I realized just how awful my relationships have been when I discovered I emotionally connect with women on Jerry Springer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 899

You deserved it 5 736

19/01/2010 05:08

Today, my niece offered me a slice of cake. After I refused, she asked, "Why not? Aren't fat people always hungry?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 186

You deserved it 6 483

02/07/2009 04:13

Today, I had to take a leak, so I went into a porta-john. I noticed another man's hand under the door with a cell phone. Angered, I aimed my stream at his hand and phone. He tilted the porta-john over in response. It was full. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 730

You deserved it 23 345

25/10/2010 05:42

Spicy

Today, I found out my boyfriend watches porn. Specifically, today, while I was in the shower. In the next room. We were alone in the house and he still chose porn. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 608

You deserved it 7 121

The Conversationalist

By Anonymous - 13/09/2019 00:01

Today, I was so bad at maintaining a conversation that the only way for the other guy to put up with me was to drink. He was the designated driver. He would rather risk drinking and driving than being sober around me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 222

You deserved it 368

18/01/2010 20:12

Today, I bought a fake "wedding ring" at Target to play a prank on my parents. They kicked me out, saying my "fiancé" can take care of me now. There is no fiancé, and I just lost my job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 090

You deserved it 42 940

Not gonna happen

By Anonymous - 28/07/2021 08:01

Spicy

Today, my wife and I are supposed to be trying for another baby. We've tried once in the last 7 weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 860

You deserved it 130

29/01/2012 19:55

Spicy

Today, I realized the closest thing I've had to an intimate relationship with a female is the one I have with my cat. Even then, she ignores me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 443

You deserved it 5 753

04/03/2016 21:59

Today, as a public defender, my client was actually innocent for once. I intended to utterly destroy the prosecution's case and demonstrate his good character. That plan went straight to hell when he showed up heavily intoxicated. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 321

You deserved it 1 574

04/05/2011 05:33

Today, I went on a first date with a guy. He parked his truck and reached in his door side pocket and grabbed a little black zippered bag. Seeing this, I burst out laughing saying, "Wow, what's that, your change purse?" He replied, "No, I'm diabetic, this is my blood sugar monitor." FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 756

You deserved it 89 450

02/12/2018 17:30

Today, I took my first holiday from work in over 6 months as it was my birthday. Today was also the day I woke up and vomited violently for 10 straight hours as a result of food poisoning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 870

You deserved it 244

07/02/2016 19:03

Today, I was asked to prove that I was Chinese by translating the phrase, "Ching chong ming chang ho". I'm not even Chinese. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 861

You deserved it 1 855

Whoops

By Anonymous - 08/01/2021 23:01

Today, I had a very important video call for my job. I hadn’t used the particular app in a long time so I hadn’t checked my screen name. Turns out the last time I used it was in March with my friends, and my name was "Euro Slut." My employers saw it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 248

You deserved it 876

05/11/2010 23:36

Today, my boyfriend started his first day of work. After saying our goodbyes, I went into our bedroom to get changed, picked up one of my blouses and found a camera, still recording. I guess someone has major trust issues. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 417

You deserved it 4 070

31/03/2013 04:34

Spicy

Today, I came home to visit my family for spring break, only to realize that I'd left my phone in my apartment. After a 2 hour drive back, I discovered my boyfriend with my neighbor. He panicked and pretended to be sleepwalking. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 617

You deserved it 4 048

19/05/2017 18:00

Today, my kid felt bad that our cat didn't get an Easter egg hunt at Easter so he has hidden sardines around the house for her to find. The house reeks and I don't know how many are left to find. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 805

You deserved it 526

21/09/2014 15:51

Today, I flew across country to college. My luggage did not. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 631

You deserved it 3 344

18/06/2015 03:50

Today, my sister started a full-time job with a good pay despite having no prior work experience and being a college freshman. Meanwhile, I've graduated with two degrees, have been working two jobs for the last five years, and still can't get a full-time position anywhere. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 784

You deserved it 3 181

08/08/2011 07:16

Spicy

Today, I discovered the reason my favorite stick of deodorant hasn't smelled right for the past two weeks. My dad uses it on his butt crack and balls "to clean up the stank". FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 778

You deserved it 3 994

12/02/2016 17:46

Spicy

Today, I came to the realization that I dream more about my vibrator than I do about my boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 896

You deserved it 4 524

08/03/2014 00:53

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend and I decided to mess around at my workplace's parking lot. Things got hot and steamy, but in the middle of it all, there came a bang at my car window. My frantic boss had seen us and thought I was being attacked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 951

You deserved it 28 678

17/10/2009 04:27

Today, my landlady decided to fix the leak in my room. Her solution was repainting the ceiling. Now not only is my room still wet but it now reeks of paint thinner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 578

You deserved it 1 976

Hot pixels

By Anonymous - 31/03/2021 16:59

Spicy

Today, after months of having my standards lowered by how unattractive guys' dating profiles are, I found myself masturbating to the yellow guy from Sin City. Yep. He's hot compared to my real options. FML

I agree, your life sucks 560

You deserved it 529

17/05/2012 14:37

Today, I was really stressed, so I tried to let it out by crying. It lasted about 30 seconds, and I was making fun of myself the whole time. Even my subconscious thinks I'm pathetic. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 709

You deserved it 5 225

20/05/2012 19:43

Today, I went to a job interview at a small family-owned business. After the interview, the owner's son took me into his office and told me I'm not getting the job and to get out, because apparently, the old man thinks I'm "possessed by a demon". FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 843

You deserved it 2 129

04/02/2017 19:00

Today, at an MA meeting, I ran into the cop who'd pulled me over and given me a ticket for marijuana possession. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 443

You deserved it 1 294

23/10/2015 04:05

Spicy

Today, while on a walk during lunch, I urgently needed to pee. Not thinking I could make it back to the office, I slipped into some bushes to relieve myself. As I was going, I looked to the side and saw two coworkers staring back at me. They were having sex, and I'm there with my dick out. Awkward. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 467

You deserved it 3 827

Creeped out

By dadum - 27/01/2011 07:17

Today, I had a stranger scream at me that I was a whore and I was trying to steal her boyfriend. She then said my full name, stating my previous hair colour, my recent activities and that her boyfriend had been my year nine dance partner. I officially have a stalker. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 444

You deserved it 3 666

Serial killer vibes

By D Flower - 18/09/2021 13:00

Today, I woke up to my boyfriend making the bed, at 2 AM. And he wasn't so much making the bed as he was holding a pillow while lost in thought, looking at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 779

You deserved it 87

26/02/2016 19:52

Today, my daughter taught me the literal meaning of "When the shit hits the fan." FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 680

You deserved it 1 721

31/12/2010 09:55

Today, I found a hidden camera in my room equipped with night vision and a microphone. My parents have been spying on me for at least the past year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 328

You deserved it 3 077

27/08/2009 19:28

Today, I lazily answered the door in my pajamas. It was my elderly neighbor asking to borrow a can opener. Despite the strange and unwarranted scowl she was giving me I obliged. It wasn't until after she had left that I notice my penis was completely sticking out through the flap in my pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 881

You deserved it 21 541

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Saturday 24 October 2015 14:58

Who says social awkwardness won't get you places

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Saturday 24 October 2015 15:01

Thanks to your spiffy new title, your friendlessness is about to change!

Comments

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Saturday 24 October 2015 14:58

Who says social awkwardness won't get you places

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Saturday 24 October 2015 15:50

Yeah and besides you don't really need a lot of friends to be happy. I only have 6 close friends from my middle school and high school years that i still keep in contact with in college, one of them being my absolute best friend from preschool. You'll meet people, don't worry

thefmlman2011 35

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Saturday 24 October 2015 16:00

i have three really close friends from high school, it sucks, but at least I have people to do stuff with. Say, OP, if you make your way to australia, I'll include you in our shenanigans

Niz_DD 14

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Sunday 25 October 2015 16:33

Hey, wheres my award? :( Oh well at least I still have two more years in university to find out if I can get an award for my social awkwardness...

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Saturday 24 October 2015 15:01

Thanks to your spiffy new title, your friendlessness is about to change!

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Saturday 24 October 2015 16:36

Is that really what they believe on the planet you're from?

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Saturday 24 October 2015 16:57

No, but we do have a lot of people who take jokes seriously and then post inane comments.

KittyKatKyrish 14

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Saturday 24 October 2015 15:02

Hey, at least you got an award.

expertsmilee 26

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Saturday 24 October 2015 18:10

For doing absolutely nothing longer than anyone else...

Kobeh 13

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Saturday 24 October 2015 22:21

Patrick? Is that you?

moodyreallyrocks 27

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Saturday 24 October 2015 15:03

I am sure you're okay, please don't let that bother you..

tyler_the_asiann 16

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Saturday 24 October 2015 15:04

Hey, awkward backwards is drawkwa which means nothing, but I had u for a sec

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Saturday 24 October 2015 15:46

I expected more from an asian dude -_-"

laden_swallow09 34

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Saturday 24 October 2015 17:04

No. No, you didn't.

aimbug 42

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Saturday 24 October 2015 21:44

As Vin Diesel would say, you never had me.

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Saturday 24 October 2015 15:05

I wish I would get an award for being socially awkard too. Only thing I get is pitying laugh when I try to interract with strangers

Red_Curls1995 28

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Saturday 24 October 2015 18:42

Damn me too. At least I assume it's a pity laugh I never know

2C0OL4SCH0OL 17

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Saturday 24 October 2015 15:18

Damn I feel your pain

Internetflakes 13

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Saturday 24 October 2015 15:32

okay, friendships are like butterflies. You fly your way into friendships, but if they have bug spray, you get a socially awkward award! :D

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Saturday 24 October 2015 15:35

I can't never get how people can't make friends!!!. just say funny things and laugh when somebody's saying them, is it hard??

LilRedRobinHood 8

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Saturday 24 October 2015 16:31

Though I've never had a problem making friends, even though I was shy when I was younger, there are plenty of reasons people might have trouble making friends. There is a difference between friendships and acquaintances, joking or laughing with others isn't necessarily going to produce friendships. It also may be hard for someone who is bullied, afraid of rejection, suffering from social anxiety, depressed, etc. Your comment comes off as pretty insensitive towards people who have trouble making friends.

nyf137 20

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Saturday 24 October 2015 17:51

I agree with 18, saying a joke does not a friendship make.. it's not that hard to make people laugh, but this doesn't mean all of a sudden they are a true friend. There are plenty of people that have a difficult time finding others they can truly trust in (which is what makes good friendships), so try not to be so insensitive

regaldust_fml 4

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Sunday 25 October 2015 0:09

When you've been bullied during all your middle school before you finally had the temper to tell them to f*ck off in high school, trust me. You don't want to be friends with those people. You don't want to say funny things & laugh with them. And you're afraid that everyone will laugh at you afterwards anyway.

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Monday 26 October 2015 22:41

I do that all the time. I have people I talk to at class sometimes, but friends I really hang out with always move away. I have about 2 friends from last year tho.

AaLlIiYyAaHh 22

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Saturday 24 October 2015 15:37

I know how that feels. For the last 3 years of elementary school i got bullied so much i turned shy. It only ended when i got to highschool and that is just recently, Im still shy thanks to the fucked up 3 years in ny life but they are Nice to me. Btw I'm 13 years old

richardmosqueda 13

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Monday 26 October 2015 5:17

learn to stand up for yourself.