Today, I received an envelope with my name written in beautiful... - FML

By ZeldaovaPeach - 5/7/2016 12:44 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, I received an envelope with my name written in beautiful writing in my mailbox. I just moved in the day before and hadn't given the address to anyone or met my neighbors yet so I was a bit surprised by it, even more surprised to find nothing but a dick pic inside. FML

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Alexa, play "The Lovecats" by The Cure

Boozehound alert

The end of the road

By loneliness - 30/12/2011 05:48 - United States

Today, I realized I want school to start again so that I won't be sitting alone in my room all day anymore. FML

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By Anonymous - 26/2/2014 07:18 - United States - Littleton

Today, I found out that the little arrow next to my gas gauge actually points to the side of the car where the tank is. For the past year-and-a-half I've been sticking my head out the window and even calling my parents to ask which side it was on, because I can never remember. FML

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By jaymash - 22/10/2011 13:25 - United States

Today, I was giving a PowerPoint presentation in class. When I put my flash drive into the computer, my folder opened up and a nude picture of myself popped right up on a 110 inch projector screen for all 35 students to see. This is a 16 week course. FML

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By Alice - 1/8/2009 08:15 - United States

Today, I was wearing a skirt, and running towards a closing elevator, making it just in time. As soon as I ran in, my pad fell out of my underwear and onto the floor. There were 6 other people in the elevator. I picked it up before I realized I had nowhere to put it, so I held it. For 18 floors. FML

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By Dummy - 21/11/2017 05:00

Today, I found out that the little red dots all over my body aren't some horrible disease like I originally thought. They're bedbug bites. I've managed to not notice a huge infestation for 5 months. FML

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By f*ckingdisgusted - 27/8/2011 01:13 - United States

Today, I was installing updates on my 16 year old daughter's laptop, when I got the urge to snoop around. I found a 5,000 word sex story involving her and the Edward and Jacob weirdos from the Twilight movies. I can't even look her in the eyes. I can't believe I raised this freak. FML

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By ow - 4/9/2010 23:43 - United States

Today, while I was running in a cross country meet, a bug flew into my right eye. Then, a bug flew into my left eye. Not wanting to lose a neck-and-neck sprint, I tried to run blind. I hit a pole. FML

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By Anonymous - 10/6/2019 00:01

Today, I was friendzoned by my boyfriend due to the fact that we never fight. Apparently, if there's no fighting, there's no passion. FML

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By Anonymous - 30/10/2009 09:19 - United States

Today, I met a close friend of my husband for the first time. She told me it was amazing that I agreed to be in an open marriage and asked if sex was weird knowing he'd slept with other women. No, the sex wasn't weird, because we're not in an open marriage. FML

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By checkthelabel - 26/4/2016 00:00 - United States - Fremont

Today, I had a throbbing cluster headache. It didn't help matters when an angry customer yelled at me because a dress was "defective." Why was it defective? It didn't fit her. Why didn't it fit her? It was the wrong size. FML

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By Tara - 31/10/2008 07:06 - Sweden

Today, I baby sat a four-year old kid, because his parents went partying. Once in bed, he yells "I want to go party!!". After 3 or 4 times, I told him to go to sleep. 2 hours later, wet bed. "Told you I want to go potty!!" FML

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By Anonymous - 24/4/2015 15:18 - United States

Today, the pills my doctor prescribed for my extremely painful period cramps apparently have a side effect; excruciatingly painful cramps. I feel like I'm being repeatedly stabbed in the ovaries with a rusty fork. FML

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By anonymous - 28/11/2013 11:41 - Canada - Sarnia

Today, I found out that since there are 3 people with the same name as me at work, I'm known as "the ugly one". FML

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By catpeecathy - 14/9/2009 04:20 - United States

Today, I was looking in my laundry basket for a clean tank top to wear. As I felt around, I realized that most of my clothes were still wet after two days. After asking my mom what was wrong with the dryer, I found out that for two days my cat had been using my laundry basket as a litter box. FML

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By aliixmaee - 9/8/2011 14:50 - United States

Today, my girlfriend of 4 years broke up with me. She took everything, including the kidney I gave her a year ago. FML

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By Shelby - 19/6/2012 16:38 - United States - Nokomis

Today, I got into a huge fight with a girl at school. My mom and dad decided to punish me by letting my three older brothers pick out my wardrobe for the next week. FML

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By Labelme - 2/1/2010 08:26 - United States

Today, I learned that instead of discarding expired products at my work, we change the label to make them 'expire' later. FML

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By imbx - 13/4/2009 00:24 - United States

Today, I was at a pool party. My friend's little sister pushed me in the pool. When I got out, I pushed her in. She started screaming, and I started laughing because I thought she was pissed that I pushed her in. That wasn't why she was screaming. She can't swim. Her whole family witnessed it. FML

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By Anonymous - 30/10/2011 13:16 - United States

Today, I spent two hours driving all over town looking for a store that sold pumpkins. When I finally found some, I was charged ten dollars per pumpkin. Later, I went to my town's annual Halloween festival and discovered they were giving pumpkins away for free. FML

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By Katt - 25/4/2016 18:04 - United States - Columbia

Today, I was cuddling my boyfriend on the lobby's couch. We were not paying attention to anything but each other. Apparently, someone tied our shoes together. I stood up and faceplanted into a pool table. I'm now missing two teeth. FML

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By stillAvirgin:( - 20/6/2011 01:46 - United States

Today, I purchased an app to track my period. When my mother asked me why I got it, I told her I was going to use it so I knew when to not go on a date because I don't want to be uncomfortable during a long movie. She slapped me in the face and called me a dirty prostitute and a liar. FML

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By hey-ooo - 28/10/2009 01:15 - United States

Today, I was sitting in the cafeteria with my friends when I suddenly passed out due to my hypoglycemia. When I woke up, I discovered that I was still in the same spot and my friends had abandoned me to go to class. Also, my stuff was stolen. FML

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By goodgrief - 5/3/2013 05:08 - United States - Rio Rancho

Today, I parked next to a police officer's car in a bad part of town. When I got out, I saw a bag of pot on the ground between the cop's car and mine. When I pointed it out to him, he insisted it was mine and interrogated me to the point of tears. FML

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By Me - 20/12/2016 01:40 - United States - Canyon Lake

Today, while reading out loud in front of my entire class and teacher, I learned that I can't pronounce the word 'success'. It came out as 'sex', and when I tried to correct myself more slowly (multiple times), it came out 'sexsex'. FML

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By Chris - 11/1/2010 13:43 - Ireland

Today, I jumped into a pile of snow which had built up against a wall. Turns out it wasn't snow but a pile of cement covered by an inch of snow. I now have a 3 inch cut along my leg and a sprained wrist from falling. FML

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By STOP - 8/5/2014 13:55 - Australia - West Hoxton

Today, it's five days until my wedding and I still can't tell my bride apart from her twin sister. They share clothes, have the same haircut, and they even take turns flirting with me to "catch me off guard" because they think it's hilarious to trick me. I'm scared I'll marry the wrong one. FML

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By IguessFML - 20/10/2017 05:00

Congratulations. You played yourself.

Today, I somehow managed to slam my trumpet case closed on my nipple. FML

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By Accident-prone af - 7/7/2020 20:02

Kitchen nightmares

Today, while making milkshakes, I was pouring and the blender's blades all fell out somehow. I don't know what's worse, that I sliced my finger open when the blades fell out and now there's blood all over, that there's now melted ice cream all over my counter and floor, or that I just wasted an entire tub of ice cream. FML

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By Mr Pippin - 9/9/2018 22:00

Today, after frolicking in some long grass near a lake, my dog got back in the car smelling strongly of poop. Upon further investigation, I discovered that a sewer had overflowed in the area. My dog rolled around in human faeces. FML

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By Anonymous - 6/7/2010 06:11 - United States

Today, I held the door open for an old man in a motorized wheelchair. He missed the door, hit my foot, and called me an asshole for getting in his way. FML

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By scared-straight - 27/5/2013 04:05 - United States

Today, as I was lying on my bed with one of my arms hanging from the side, I felt something sniff my hand from underneath. I don't have any pets. FML

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By Anonymous - 29/7/2019 12:00

Today, while I was sitting in the living room with my mother, my phone rang. She immediately exclaimed, "I'm not calling you! Why is it going off?" She was serious. My own mother doesn't believe people talk to me. FML

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By BathroomMuch - 25/12/2009 16:15 - United States

Today, I have been stuck in the bathroom. Apparently, my 8 year old son decided to sneak in some TurboLax into the juice we left out for Santa. Well played son. FML

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By Anonymous - 11/9/2009 06:35 - United States

Today, my boyfriend of three years sent me several flowers and chocolate boxes to my office. It ends up that he cheated on me with my sister and tried to break the news to me after all the presents he sent. I thought he actually remembered our anniversary this year. FML

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By pardon my English :$ - 9/8/2013 22:53 - France

Today, I let a friend read a draft of the novel I'm writing. She claimed the antagonist is blatantly based on her, and threatened to sue me if I don't pay her royalties. The antagonist is an ancient, insane goblin witch. I guess I see now how this confusion could arise. FML

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By turriblebday - 17/12/2009 15:35 - United States

Today, it was my birthday. My girlfriend took me out to dinner. While at the restaurant, she went to the bathroom. She was then escorted out of the restaurant for having sex in said bathroom. I was sitting at our booth the entire time. FML

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By dumbo - 29/5/2009 20:14 - United States

Today, I was sitting in my basement watching IT. I heard a knocking at my door and turned the outside lights on to see a clown outside staring in at me. I freaked out and began screaming and jumping around like a Chihuahua on drugs. My friends told me it should be on YouTube within the week. FML

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By mikeissad - 11/8/2012 19:37 - United States - Port Saint Lucie

Today, at work, I was forced to nod and smile as a pregnant, fifteen-year-old, brain-dead Jersey Shore wannabe cussed me out for being rude by using words from a "foreign language" during our conversation. I used the word "pretentious." FML

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By Whoopsie - 22/2/2012 15:53 - United States

Today, I was sitting on the bus and as I'm quite short my legs were dangling. Some guy, who wasn't looking where he was going, tripped over my foot and went flying. He and everyone else on the bus glared at me like it was deliberate. The man next to me even changed seats in disgust. FML

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By zarko - 14/2/2017 14:00 - Croatia - Zagreb

The first step to solving a problem is admitting you have one!

Today, I created myself a Dropbox folder named "Traffic fines". FML

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Top comments

By Tripartita | 44

#6643761 - Tuesday 5 July 2016 19:32

Jeez, now there's a blast from the past. This is how people from the days of yore were courted, OP. My grandmother framed the dick pic my grandfather first sent. The picture is very well hung.

By heirofhope | 38

#6643752 - Tuesday 5 July 2016 19:27

Move again.

COMMENTS

By heirofhope | 38

#6643752 - Tuesday 5 July 2016 19:27

Move again.

By JohnnyKade | 25

#6643753 - Tuesday 5 July 2016 19:27

Damn. What a ballsy move eh?

Reply

cocacola999 | 27

#6643907 - Tuesday 5 July 2016 22:51

Depends on how exactly the photo was taken - if it was a ballsy move or if he's just a dick.

Reply

Chlo1996 | 15

#6643939 - Wednesday 6 July 2016 0:22

You punny sod

Reply

zaidthunder1 | 27

#6644302 - Wednesday 6 July 2016 12:07

Hahaa.

By bigbrown24 | 17

#6643755 - Tuesday 5 July 2016 19:27

it's safe to say you may have a stalker.

Reply

pokemonareugly | 12

#6644176 - Wednesday 6 July 2016 7:32

Or it might be for someone that used to live there

Reply

Earl_KarmasBitch | 28

#6644276 - Wednesday 6 July 2016 10:42

It had OP's name on it, so unless by a stunning coincidence she has the same name as the previous resident, it was meant for her.

By Welshite | 39

#6643757 - Tuesday 5 July 2016 19:28

Put a penis pump and some pamphlets for viagra in your mailbox. Wait for him to come back. Destroy his ego.

Reply

NNOTCHO | 23

#6643763 - Tuesday 5 July 2016 19:35

Or creep out the male man/lady

Reply

pjsr | 32

#6643932 - Tuesday 5 July 2016 23:54

I wonder how the postman would take that message

By flying_chicken13 | 9

#6643758 - Tuesday 5 July 2016 19:31

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

Reply

crudeandrudeguy | 29

#6643793 - Tuesday 5 July 2016 20:15

Thanks but I really don't intend to live that long...

By Tripartita | 44

#6643761 - Tuesday 5 July 2016 19:32

Jeez, now there's a blast from the past. This is how people from the days of yore were courted, OP. My grandmother framed the dick pic my grandfather first sent. The picture is very well hung.

Reply

zedjaleaf1 | 11

#6643786 - Tuesday 5 July 2016 20:05

Ahhhhhh *ba dum tss*

Reply

soulreaper12296 | 28

#6643911 - Tuesday 5 July 2016 22:57

I love your comments so much.

Reply

S_Gnu | 17

#6643918 - Tuesday 5 July 2016 23:10

This comment just won fmylife. Show's over folks; nothing better can be done.

Reply

delichick | 27

#6643928 - Tuesday 5 July 2016 23:41

This comment made my day! You, my dear, are my absolutely favourite person

Reply

TheStriker316 | 1

#6644098 - Wednesday 6 July 2016 5:13

You waited your whole life to make that joke, didn't you? Lol

Reply

Tripartita | 44

#6644132 - Wednesday 6 July 2016 6:01

Not my WHOLE life, just since I started dropping beautifully addressed dick pics in people's mailboxes.

Reply

wygant23 | 8

#6645428 - Friday 8 July 2016 9:22

Do you get top comment on every post?

Reply

Beeboopbeep | 9

#6650812 - Saturday 16 July 2016 1:32

There is no top comment. It's organized by time.

By BrianCMullin | 3

#6643766 - Tuesday 5 July 2016 19:40

At least he was mature enough to go through the process of printing it out. Seems like perfect boyfriend material if he cares that much about you.

Reply

Elban | 20

#6643771 - Tuesday 5 July 2016 19:44

If he cared that much he would've put it in a frame.?

Reply

mezochan | 29

#6643854 - Tuesday 5 July 2016 21:17

Pfft, if he liked it then he shoulda put a frame on it.

By Oh_No_Not_Him | 25

#6643770 - Tuesday 5 July 2016 19:44

You might want to buy a sturdy bolt for the door!

By blupenguin29 | 14

#6643775 - Tuesday 5 July 2016 19:51

Old school

By SarcasticRoach | 12

#6643777 - Tuesday 5 July 2016 19:55

That's the Welcome Weiner!

Reply

TyroneLeBron | 24

#6643778 - Tuesday 5 July 2016 19:59

Underrated comment is underrated