Miscellaneous: Today, I received an envelope with my name written in beautiful... - FML

By ZeldaovaPeach - Australia - Brisbane

Today, I received an envelope with my name written in beautiful writing in my mailbox. I just moved in the day before and hadn't given the address to anyone or met my neighbors yet so I was a bit surprised by it, even more surprised to find nothing but a dick pic inside. FML

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And today, on Dr Phil…

Coherence dude, do you have it?

Catch 22

By StupidNurse - Germany

Today, I cut my finger with a knife while cooking. I work in a hospital and have to use hand disinfectant at least every twenty minutes. It hurts badly. I have to work for eight hours. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, while emailing my very young, attractive teacher to ask a question, my hand slipped. Too bad you can't unsend emails that say "Can we meet after school some time? I have some thongs I'd like to discuss with you." FML

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By PocketTrash

This guy grudges

Today, my dad is still mad because I tossed his empty coffee can over 3 days ago. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I was friendzoned by my boyfriend due to the fact that we never fight. Apparently, if there's no fighting, there's no passion. FML

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By Braced - United States

Today, my dad and I were shovelling snow off the roof. I told him I was going to jump off the roof. He told me to go ahead, so I did. He failed to tell me that the snow was packed and wouldn't break my fall. I now have an injured back. He didn't tell me because he didn't think I would actually do it. FML

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By immunizations - Canada

Today, while parking my car, I accidentally bumped into the car in front of me, making a small, barely noticeable dent. I felt bad, wrote an apology note, and stuck it on his windshield. An hour later, he replied by keying the entire right side of my car. FML

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By effmylife - Canada

Today, when I was finished eating at McDonalds, I went to Shoppers to pick up a new toothbrush. I got back to my car only to find the windows smashed in. The only thing that was missing from my car was the Hello Kitty toy I got from McDonalds. Someone broke into my car for a 10 cent toy. FML

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By noO - United States - Greenwood

Whisky dickhead

Today, for the seventh weekend in a row, I left my weekly visit with my long-distance boyfriend unsatisfied. Seems he enjoys getting shit-faced drunk more than he enjoys getting a boner. FML

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By moneyman22 - United States

Little shit

Today, I was asked to take care of my 3 year-old little brother. After 15 minutes of him screaming and me trying to keep him entertained, he started throwing his toy cars at me. He hit me in the mouth, and I started to bleed. My parents yelled at me for "not controlling him." FML

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By stairmaster

Today, while attempting to sneak out of my boyfriend's parents' house during my walk of shame, I fell down the stairs, spilling cherry coke all over myself, their walls, and the carpet. FML

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By iusedprotectionanyway - New Zealand - Waitakere

Today, I went to a paintball match with my family and the family of my brother's girlfriend. A few minutes into, my brother's girlfriend's dad snuck up on me, unloaded into me from behind, and snarled, "That's for knocking my daughter up." He got the wrong guy. My back is killing me. FML

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By WhoopsIDidItAgain - 8/3/2021 02:01 - United States - Fremont

Whistleblower

Today, I found out my best friend is having a full-blown affair with her coworker. She's a minor. He's not. FML

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By ChessNut

Today, a girl I'd been crushing on for a little while and I were talking about autism. Some of the last words she said were "I try to not find autistic people so fucking annoying, but I can't help it. But can you blame me?” I'm autistic. FML

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By painful - Norway

Today, I was stuck in the car with my grandma for an hour as she described to me how she had looked through my great grandma's poop to make sure her calcium pills were being digested. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Colorado Springs

Today, I was refereeing a soccer match and I called a foul. An angry coach kept screaming at me, saying "You're crazy!" I asked him to leave the field. As he left, he lifted his middle finger and screamed, "FUCK YOU!" I ref 5-year-olds. FML

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By :| - United States - Saint Petersburg

Today, I heard my neighbors having a violent argument in their front yard. I listened in, and soon found out why the wife wasn't happy with her husband. Apparently, she had caught her husband peeking through my windows for the second time this month. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I overheard my best friend's wife telling their kids to pay attention in school and stay focused on their goals so they don't end up a failure in life like their father's friend, Matt. Hi, my name is Matt and I'm the friend. FML

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By Crissylove10 - United States

Today, I bought a fake "wedding ring" at Target to play a prank on my parents. They kicked me out, saying my "fiancé" can take care of me now. There is no fiancé, and I just lost my job. FML

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By DarrenP - United Kingdom - Birmingham

Today, I got a burn on my foot from a Pot Noodle I didn't even want. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I went on an interview for a job that I had been wanting for months. I thought everything was going great. On my way out, my interviewer asked me to recycle something for him. I agreed. It was my resume. FML

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By momaaa1342 - United States - Elmwood

Just a prank, again

Today, I got a call from my daughter’s school today. She had been telling the teacher, "I have a huge boner." Apparently, some of the kids at school told her it meant 'headache' and she's been saying it all day. FML

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By lug_nut - United States

Today, I went to my boyfriend's house so that he could break up with me. I went out to my car to leave only to discover that all of the wheels had been stolen. Even the spare. I had to spend the rest of the day with my ex-boyfriend finding a way to get my car home. FML

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By yourmom - United States

Today, I went to a museum that had exhibits of wax people in the hallways. We were taking pictures of what we thought to be a waxwork old lady. Turns out she was real. FML

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By vela9002 - United States

Today, on my flight to Vegas, I was wishing that a really cute guy would come sit in the seat next to mine. A few minutes later, a really cute guy sat in the seat next to me and even started to talk to me. When I said, "I like rugged men." he said "Oh ya, me too! I really like buff guys also." FML

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By evomadrid24 - United States

Today, I had to be an observer for a drug test at work. Me and two others got to watch 130 guys take a piss, and then leave work two hours later than everyone else. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Muncie

Today, I broke up with my girlfriend. After breaking the news to my parents, I heard my dad mutter when I left, "Damn it, I liked her better than him." My mother didn't protest. FML

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By mommy_issues - United States

Today, I was curious as to whether or not my mom was off of her medication. When I asked her, she pulled a knife on me. Looks like I got my answer. FML

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By Anonymous - Russian Federation

Today, I got home from my 6-week vacation. Apparently, my mum cleaned my room for me while I was gone because my vibrator was neatly tucked into my blanket, next to my pillow instead of being hidden under my bed. FML

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By blakeintheoffice - United States

Today, my insane boss decided I poop too much. Now, every time I go to the bathroom, he follows me in and tries to get me to hurry up by reading passages from 50 Shades of Grey. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my dogs broke through our electric fence, one of whom managed to get his collar off. I picked it up and, without thinking, went across the fence line. I screamed like a chihuahua being run over by a bulldozer. FML

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By Sophies - United Kingdom - Bristol

Today, I woke up on Christmas morning to find that a large cock and balls had been keyed into the windscreen of my car. My new, two-week-old car, which I will be paying off for the next four years. FML

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By forthethreeofus

Today, I went to a nice restaurant with my grandfather, who kept telling me to be kind towards our waiter, as he was probably just starting his summer job. The same waiter who, as my granddad had probably forgotten, had brought us our food six months ago and was now standing four feet away. FML

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By

Crazy party

Today, I heard that there's a rumour going around that I was caught masturbating while crying at a party after the girl I liked got with someone else. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Santa Ana

Today, I bought a new beanbag chair. My cat thought it was a great scratcher and I now have thousands of tiny plastic balls around the house. He decided those looked yummy, and now the scent of vomit and plastic is awful. FML

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By "bluebird97"

Today, my boyfriend called work because he is sick. Then he called me 4 times while I was working, to complain that I was working, and then he got mad when I told him I was sick and worked a double shift 2 days in a row, apparently that is insensitive of me. FML

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By CJ 84

Today, I stopped and helped a young lady stuck on the side of the road. Guess who got accused of forcing myself and got charged with impersonating a police officer. FML

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By Crashburn - United Kingdom

Today, after having a naked wrestle with my boyfriend, I discovered he'd left a skidmark on my stomach. FML

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By Anonymous - 7/6/2020 05:05

Baked

Today, I was supposed to have my first job interview for a bakery franchise. Turns out all the applications are submitted to every store, and I was called to the wrong one. FML

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By dumbbass - Canada

Today, I spilled a glass of iced tea all over my desk. It trickled down the wall and fried an extension cord. FML

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By rosmaizura - Malaysia

Today, my mom added me on Facebook. She wrote on my wall, for the whole world to see, "Why are you swearing on the internet?! You're grounded". FML

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Top comments

By Tripartita | 44

#6643761 - Tuesday 5 July 2016 19:32

Jeez, now there's a blast from the past. This is how people from the days of yore were courted, OP. My grandmother framed the dick pic my grandfather first sent. The picture is very well hung.

By heirofhope | 38

#6643752 - Tuesday 5 July 2016 19:27

Move again.

COMMENTS

By heirofhope | 38

#6643752 - Tuesday 5 July 2016 19:27

Move again.

By JohnnyKade | 25

#6643753 - Tuesday 5 July 2016 19:27

Damn. What a ballsy move eh?

Reply

cocacola999 | 27

#6643907 - Tuesday 5 July 2016 22:51

Depends on how exactly the photo was taken - if it was a ballsy move or if he's just a dick.

Reply

Chlo1996 | 15

#6643939 - Wednesday 6 July 2016 0:22

You punny sod

Reply

zaidthunder1 | 27

#6644302 - Wednesday 6 July 2016 12:07

Hahaa.

By bigbrown24 | 17

#6643755 - Tuesday 5 July 2016 19:27

it's safe to say you may have a stalker.

Reply

pokemonareugly | 12

#6644176 - Wednesday 6 July 2016 7:32

Or it might be for someone that used to live there

Reply

Earl_KarmasBitch | 28

#6644276 - Wednesday 6 July 2016 10:42

It had OP's name on it, so unless by a stunning coincidence she has the same name as the previous resident, it was meant for her.

By Welshite | 39

#6643757 - Tuesday 5 July 2016 19:28

Put a penis pump and some pamphlets for viagra in your mailbox. Wait for him to come back. Destroy his ego.

Reply

NNOTCHO | 23

#6643763 - Tuesday 5 July 2016 19:35

Or creep out the male man/lady

Reply

pjsr | 32

#6643932 - Tuesday 5 July 2016 23:54

I wonder how the postman would take that message

By flying_chicken13 | 9

#6643758 - Tuesday 5 July 2016 19:31

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.. Show it anyway

Reply

crudeandrudeguy | 29

#6643793 - Tuesday 5 July 2016 20:15

Thanks but I really don't intend to live that long...

By Tripartita | 44

#6643761 - Tuesday 5 July 2016 19:32

Jeez, now there's a blast from the past. This is how people from the days of yore were courted, OP. My grandmother framed the dick pic my grandfather first sent. The picture is very well hung.

Reply

zedjaleaf1 | 11

#6643786 - Tuesday 5 July 2016 20:05

Ahhhhhh *ba dum tss*

Reply

soulreaper12296 | 28

#6643911 - Tuesday 5 July 2016 22:57

I love your comments so much.

Reply

S_Gnu | 17

#6643918 - Tuesday 5 July 2016 23:10

This comment just won fmylife. Show's over folks; nothing better can be done.

Reply

delichick | 27

#6643928 - Tuesday 5 July 2016 23:41

This comment made my day! You, my dear, are my absolutely favourite person

Reply

TheStriker316 | 1

#6644098 - Wednesday 6 July 2016 5:13

You waited your whole life to make that joke, didn't you? Lol

Reply

Tripartita | 44

#6644132 - Wednesday 6 July 2016 6:01

Not my WHOLE life, just since I started dropping beautifully addressed dick pics in people's mailboxes.

Reply

wygant23 | 8

#6645428 - Friday 8 July 2016 9:22

Do you get top comment on every post?

Reply

Beeboopbeep | 9

#6650812 - Saturday 16 July 2016 1:32

There is no top comment. It's organized by time.

By BrianCMullin | 3

#6643766 - Tuesday 5 July 2016 19:40

At least he was mature enough to go through the process of printing it out. Seems like perfect boyfriend material if he cares that much about you.

Reply

Elban | 20

#6643771 - Tuesday 5 July 2016 19:44

If he cared that much he would've put it in a frame.?

Reply

mezochan | 29

#6643854 - Tuesday 5 July 2016 21:17

Pfft, if he liked it then he shoulda put a frame on it.

By Oh_No_Not_Him | 25

#6643770 - Tuesday 5 July 2016 19:44

You might want to buy a sturdy bolt for the door!

By blupenguin29 | 14

#6643775 - Tuesday 5 July 2016 19:51

Old school

By SarcasticRoach | 12

#6643777 - Tuesday 5 July 2016 19:55

That's the Welcome Weiner!

Reply

TyroneLeBron | 24

#6643778 - Tuesday 5 July 2016 19:59

Underrated comment is underrated