Miscellaneous: Today, I received an envelope from verizon. I assumed it was... - FML

Nearly

28/09/2021 01:05

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57

You deserved it 5

27/09/2021 06:27

Today, I have to get up and go to work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57

You deserved it 105

Spicy

Spicy

Nice try, though

By Anonymous - 16/10/2021 20:00

Spicy

Today, I bought a $100 Victoria's Secret gift card for an ex who I still have a thing for, only to find out she started dating someone else a week ago. I just realized I bought lingerie for her to wear for someone else. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45

You deserved it 347

Unfriended

By thethrowawayplace - 15/10/2021 17:00

Spicy

Today, my friend was watching a black guy getting yelled at by the cops on TV. He then decided to yell, "Wow, ni***** really don't know how to behave!" When I didn't react, he yelled it over and over, until I slunk into my room. He knows I'm part black. FML

I agree, your life sucks 727

You deserved it 126

25/09/2009 12:54

Today, I received an envelope from verizon. I assumed it was my bill. I opened it and saw a visa credit card offer so I quickly snapped it in half to prevent identity theft. Only after playing with the pieces for 10 minutes did I realize that it was my $100 rebate from my new phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 187

You deserved it 62 358

Our house, in the middle of our street

Best teeth in the game

You tried

25/02/2009 18:41

Today, I emailed my boyfriend from work. Out of habit, I absent-mindedly entered my department into the "From" field. My boyfriend didn't notice when he replied. Now my entire department knows I want to "drop to my knees and suck him when I get home." And he plans to "finish on my face." FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 866

You deserved it 73 915

19/07/2019 06:01

Today, my car horn got some sort of short and started beeping every 20 seconds or so. On the way to get it fixed, I got stuck in bumper to bumper traffic. Behind a cop car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 946

You deserved it 115

31/01/2009 17:24

Today, I realized I bought 30 condoms last year. I now have 29. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 182

You deserved it 5 576

19/09/2015 02:08

Today, I asked my girlfriend why she's been avoiding kissing me lately. Apparently she had a dream that one of my teeth caught on her braces, and all of her teeth got pulled out like a string of pearls. It seems unlikely she will be un-scarred any time soon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 598

You deserved it 1 708

31/03/2014 20:07

Today, while on patrol with my partner, we came across a guy getting a beat-down on the sidewalk. After restraining the attacker, we helped the victim to his feet, only for him to spit at us and call us "goddamn pigs". You're welcome, sir. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 206

You deserved it 4 487

23/04/2017 10:00

Today, at 12, I went for a run across campus.‬ Why? I'd realized my 12:30 exam was actually at 12.‬ ‪FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 401

You deserved it 1 371

13/06/2014 20:17

Today, my dad called me into the bathroom, saying "Get a load of this shit, son" and forcing me to look at the biggest, foulest-smelling turd I have ever seen in my life in the toilet. It's been three hours and I still feel physically ill. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 708

You deserved it 5 788

28/09/2011 10:46

Today, I found out that my seemingly innocent 80-something neighbor has been stalking every girl in the neighborhood, and considers me his girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 286

You deserved it 2 400

Looks to Die For...

By Milo - 21/02/2017 08:00

Today, my six-year-old son told me my makeup looks like his grandmother's did in the casket. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 078

You deserved it 866

18/09/2009 23:28

Today, I was at work when my mother texted me, "You take a nice picture." I replied, "What picture?" I then got a reply saying, "The one on your speeding ticket showing you going 73 in a 55 mph zone. You're even smiling." FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 882

You deserved it 45 970

Geography

By Fhhmylifeman - 11/04/2021 11:00

Today, I invited my Peruvian girlfriend to my parent’s house for dinner. They decorated the house with Mexican flag and Fiesta lanyards, and bought Taco Bell. My girlfriend is vegetarian and had to explain to them that no, Peru is not a city in Mexico. It’s been 3 hours and she won’t pick up her calls. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 041

You deserved it 177

My little boy

By Anonymous - 16/04/2021 00:30

Today, my 12 year-old son came home with two broken arms after finding an awesome place to ride his bike. He found a sweet jump and his handlebars broke. He's currently in slings and waiting for an appointment with a surgeon, the breaks were so bad, the hospital couldn't reset them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 008

You deserved it 76

13/12/2008 04:53

Today, when I left the restaurant, the very handsome waiter whom I had been trying to tune all night says to me, in front of everyone "But why did you write your number on the table with hearts next to it? You know, I won't call you!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 577

You deserved it 7 417

23/02/2016 02:41

Today, my ex-girlfriend woke up from a coma that lasted a few months. Her parents called me from the hospital shortly after because she was in hysterics that I wasn't there. Apparently she thinks we're still together, and I now have to somehow break up with her again after almost a year apart. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 454

You deserved it 2 077

11/10/2015 03:54

Today, my 19 year old brother called me a moron and told me to go read a book, after I corrected him when he said girls don't have colons. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 632

You deserved it 2 174

30/12/2010 01:17

Today, I finally found the words to describe how I felt after 2 years of depression. I asked on Yahoo Answers what I should do next. The most 'helpful' answer told me to go on a picnic. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 554

You deserved it 27 885

17/01/2012 16:08

Today, I started my new job as a dishwasher, and was very excited since I've been broke for weeks. A few people dined and dashed, apparently for the first time in the restaurant's history. My boss is superstitious. She fired me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 084

You deserved it 2 327

17/03/2009 17:42

Spicy

Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend when she started moaning and breathing heavily. I thought she was getting hot and was about to cum. Unfortunetly, she soon said, "I'm bored, let's play a board game." She was sighing, not moaning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 68 988

You deserved it 23 010

29/05/2016 15:15

Today, I decided to make the switch from pads to tampons. My boyfriend ended up having to show me how to apply them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 197

You deserved it 3 578

02/09/2013 05:14

Today, I received an email from my professor asking me not to jump ahead on assignments as it makes the other students look bad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 118

You deserved it 7 461

04/05/2016 17:30

Today, when getting my eyebrows waxed, the lady cursed "oh shit!" under her breath, right after waxing half of my brow off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 732

You deserved it 1 093

28/04/2012 01:04

Spicy

Today, I came home earlier than usual, only to find my wife having sex with some guy on our bed. Her reaction to being confronted was to look me dead in the eyes and to scream and scream until I got so freaked out that I left. It's her house, and I'm sitting in a library with no idea what to do. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 253

You deserved it 4 029

08/05/2015 15:44

Today, I fell asleep while working the night shift. It took me 3 hours and a whole lot of dirty looks while walking home before I looked in a mirror and saw my cockbite of a coworker had drawn a swastika on my forehead while I was asleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 935

You deserved it 7 709

26/10/2017 01:30

Today, a good friend refuses to speak to me because she found out that I slept with her husband. It happened twelve years before they met. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 507

You deserved it 710

27/03/2019 06:00

Today, like everyday, I have to ignore the mould in the bathroom, cat shit stuck to the dining room floor, and dirty dishes in the kitchen courtesy of my never-cleaning sister, but today she bitched at me for being gross and unhygenic for double dipping the ice-cream tub, and everyone agreed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 123

You deserved it 308

03/12/2014 21:21

Today, my boss at my new call center job said he'd gotten complaints about me. Apparently I sound "too black" and it's "upsetting" some of our customers. I don't know what that even means, but my boss said I need to "tone it down or we're gonna have some problems". FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 072

You deserved it 3 769

02/06/2013 18:10

Today, I witnessed a large woman pee on a pregnancy test in the middle of a Walmart parking lot, clean herself off, then wander around with the test hanging out of her mouth, waiting for her result. Where in the name of Christ do these people come from? FML

I agree, your life sucks 75 175

You deserved it 4 605

10/11/2015 20:46

Today, I overheard my parents talking about my husband. Apparently, they think he's a nice guy and all, but they don't really see him as "husband material." They think I would have been better off with my ex, who doesn't have a job and hurt me both physically and mentally. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 989

You deserved it 1 634

14/07/2015 19:44

Today, an old friend and I reconnected. Everything was going fine until he threatened to visit me at work. I didn't know he knew my place of employment, so I replied, "Do you know where I live too?" He answered, "Would you hate me if I did?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 177

You deserved it 2 097

23/07/2011 00:52

Today, I was discussing the traffic with my brother. He said the most common car colour is red. I said it was black. We ended up betting €100 on which three vehicles of either colour would pass by our house first. It seems a convoy of fire trucks had somewhere to be in a hurry. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 134

You deserved it 12 211

22/11/2017 15:00

Today, I took my $2,000 drone out and shot some beautiful footage of an old dam. I hid it behind a rock to explore the area further without carrying it, but when I came back it was gone. I was splitting the payments with my uncle. I work a minimum wage job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 631

You deserved it 7 819

27/11/2017 18:30

Today, I called a locksmith to unlock my car. He got it unlocked, but broke the handle so the door wouldn’t open. We had to break a window to get in. He still charged me his usual fee. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 769

You deserved it 307

14/03/2014 04:33

Today, in the middle of a Spanish oral exam, I start to panic. My teacher suggests I say whatever pops into my head. I blurt out, "Heeey Macarena!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 533

You deserved it 8 922

22/05/2009 01:18

Today, I was at work at an office store. I was instructed to put together several tape-free cardboard boxes. I then realized that I can disassemble and reassemble a computer with my eyes closed and one hand behind my back, but I was outsmarted by a cardboard box. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 579

You deserved it 8 420

06/04/2017 22:00

Today, I saw that the wine bottle I couldn't open last night has a big hole in the top from my struggle to open it. It was a screw off top. Must have been drunker than I thought last night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 635

You deserved it 2 081

Rumble in the night

By Deanna - 02/10/2019 06:00

Today, I spent the night with in a hotel with my boyfriend's parents, because I went with them to visit him in Atlanta. This morning when I woke up, the first thing they said to me was, "Wow, you're a small girl but you snore like a man." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 471

You deserved it 260

26/07/2015 18:15

Today, I went on a fabulous date with a really cute, smart, funny guy. He only mentioned his dad, so when I asked about his mom, I asked if they were divorced. She'd died of breast cancer so I felt awful. Then I asked if his dad had ever remarried. His stepmom had died of cancer too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 702

You deserved it 2 666

05/05/2013 05:44

Spicy

Today, I tried to show my boyfriend's mom a picture of my prom dress on my phone. She scrolled to the right to find a picture of her son, naked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 122

You deserved it 78 739

29/11/2009 13:02

Today, it's decided, I'm going on diet. For real. But I said that yesterday. And the day before. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 636

You deserved it 57 272

04/10/2010 18:14

Today, I went jet skiing with my girlfriend of four years. I intended to propose to her. The $2000 ring fell out of my pocket and into the lake. I have no idea where it is. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 740

You deserved it 52 962

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Friday 25 September 2009 19:47

What exactly was your thought process? I'm thinking either: "QUICK! Somebody could come into my house, rip the credit card offer out of my hands, run out and go redeem it in my name! I better snap it in half (because that's completely irreparable and would foil the thief) before reading it!" Or: "QUICK! I've opened the envelope so now spy satellites can see it through the window! I better snap it in half (so they can't see it anymore because spy satellites don't actually record anything they see) before reading it!"

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Friday 25 September 2009 19:37

URE AN IDIOT YDI

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Friday 25 September 2009 19:37

URE AN IDIOT YDI

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Friday 25 September 2009 20:05

Idiot. Completely, also Identity Theft? Wtf, if it's an OFFER they don't have your details yet.

MsTs1 0

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Friday 25 September 2009 21:41

YDI for having a phone or using a phone

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Saturday 26 September 2009 1:20

Not to mention they could EASILY get the number for the card not to mention they couldn't just immediately snap it in half

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Saturday 26 September 2009 2:27

"hello, verizon? i received the $100 visa gift card, but it looks like it suffered some damage in the mail and won't be useable. could you cancel that one and send me a new one?" come on, people, think.

bugmenotmofo 34

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Saturday 26 September 2009 3:52

YDI because Verizon doesn't send you promo visa cards, visa sends you promo visa cards

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Monday 28 September 2009 13:51

Are you from the 19th century? who doesnt have a phone???

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Monday 28 September 2009 20:00

umm... verizon has creditcards now? o.0

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Monday 28 September 2009 20:04

and idk about anyone else, but i've tried "snapping" credit/giftcards in half and failed miserably... those bitches bend like crazy >:( but yeah, i HIGHLY doubt that verizon has a creditcard service now, along with everything else... so ydi for not checking it out first

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Sunday 24 January 2010 2:16

y are you rrpling to 1 your comment has nothing to do with his/hers

666Broghan666 0

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Tuesday 6 April 2010 7:23

You just did.

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Tuesday 8 February 2011 13:27

yes. verison sends out 100$ visa gift certificates as rebates. and there is always the scratch off code on the back for online purchases. although all of the op's facts are correct. if they actually had the card they wouldve seen the code. i say fake.

farhil 14

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Thursday 11 August 2011 2:01

Go ahead and burn your house down, to prevent it from being broken into.

veryunluckygirl 19

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Tuesday 4 August 2015 2:50

S/he is not the only idiot here.

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Friday 25 September 2009 19:38

Next time, try to read something before you destroy it.

canucksrule88 0

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Friday 25 September 2009 21:40

not only destroy it but PLAY with the pieces for 10 mins.....fail OP is probably very immature and has no knowledge of the real world if he (or she) was that quick to snap up a credit card

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Friday 29 October 2010 21:36

it's fake no one ever does that they at least read it first

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Friday 25 September 2009 19:40

YDI for having verizon and not AT&T.

VampireSmitten 0

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Friday 25 September 2009 19:41

YD for not reading the letter!

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Friday 25 September 2009 19:43

duh.....

Chr0nicdreamz 0

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Friday 25 September 2009 19:43

call them up and say you never received it!!!!!!

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Friday 25 September 2009 23:51

"Hey you know that rebate card you guys sent me? Yeah that, I never got one. So send it again." - A Perfect Plan

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Saturday 26 September 2009 7:21

He could say that multiple times

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Friday 25 September 2009 19:43

I did something like that before. I thought I got a new credit card, left it around for months, only to realize it was a rebate card after it had expired.

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Friday 25 September 2009 19:47

What exactly was your thought process? I'm thinking either: "QUICK! Somebody could come into my house, rip the credit card offer out of my hands, run out and go redeem it in my name! I better snap it in half (because that's completely irreparable and would foil the thief) before reading it!" Or: "QUICK! I've opened the envelope so now spy satellites can see it through the window! I better snap it in half (so they can't see it anymore because spy satellites don't actually record anything they see) before reading it!"

Sun_Kissed18 25

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Friday 25 September 2009 21:46

Ahh the joys of paranoia :)

f_my_flip_life 5

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Friday 25 September 2009 19:47

Good job, idiot.

gorgeousxbaby 0

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Friday 25 September 2009 19:49

nice one retard. how did you not remeber you sent something away for your rebate ? and you could have at least read it .. noone was going to come into your home and steal it from you..