Work: Today, I received an email from my boss telling me how appreciated... - FML

By IHateMyJob - United Kingdom

Today, I received an email from my boss telling me how appreciated I was and how valuable I am to the company. I wish I hadn't scrolled down to read the included conversation where he asked his boss whether to lie to me about how good I was or not. FML

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Serious times

Rock, hard place

Give me my drugs!

By "Brain_fart" - United States - Salt Lake City

Today, I found out that both of my cats are afraid of mice. So far I've seen them run and hide from 3 different mice who've recently invaded my apartment. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my dad called me a "deadbeat loser" after I came back from my first day of voluntary rehab for my meth problem. He's never had a job in his life and sits on the sofa all day, smoking weed and playing video games, all on my mom's salary. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, the guy I like asked me out for the first time. It's a good thing he did it over Facebook, because I started shaking and almost threw up. I don't know how I'm going to function on our date next week. FML

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By b3ardown23 - United States

Today, I got junk punched by a midget in Sears for giving him "a funny look." I was trying to read the price of the fridge he was standing in front of. FML

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By Dez Johnson - 7/3/2021 11:01

New or used?

Today, I discovered that my old roommate had left a full bag of cat litter on my porch and all over my yard. FML

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By Username - United States

Today, I used a fire extinguisher for the first time. Too bad it was on my car. FML

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By jsyn - United States - East Hampton

Today, somebody broke into my car, just to steal the obviously fake $1,000,000 bill hanging from my rear-view mirror. FML

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By maf811 - United States

Today, my mother panicked and was about to report me missing when I didn't answer her calls while I was at a movie. I'm 31, and have lived on my own for over 10 years. FML

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By maggie74 - United States - Enfield

Today, I sent my boyfriend a nude picture, he sent it back to me with a mustache on my face from that iPhone app and told me he likes it much better that way. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Swartz Creek

Today, I was on the phone with my boyfriend, and I cheekily told him about something I'd read that's supposed to feel really good during sex. I then heard his sister sarcastically say, "Yeah, that does feel pretty good". Apparently he'd had me on speaker the whole time. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I made my young niece lunch. After she claimed to have eaten it all, she wanted to go out and play. I was putting my shoes on when I found part of the sandwich I made her stuffed in my shoe. FML

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By Anonymous - 16/1/2021 21:01 - Canada - Edmonton

Seize the day

Today, I asked my boyfriend what would happen if I didn’t get into the same school as him. He replied, "Then we’ll just break up." We broke up. I still don’t know what school I’m going to. FML

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By crazyvulva9216 - United States

Today, I got bored on the toilet and decided to paint my nails. I ended up having to wait half an hour to wipe. FML

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By Abendigo77 - United States - Healdsburg

Today, my vegan boyfriend told me that if he were forced to kill either his cat or me, he'd kill me because he "would never kill an animal." FML

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By Charles Booth - 9/4/2021 14:00 - United States

Kids will be kids

Today, my 14 year-old got a 5-day suspension for fighting. He stood up for an 7th grader who was getting picked on. While the poor kid was eating lunch, they were messing with him when my son stepped in. There were some words said, then a fight. He feels terrible for fighting but I think he was in the right. FML

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By UkuleleTime - United States - Garner

Today, after walking in on my roommate, I found out that pleasuring yourself with a shoe is a thing. It wouldn't have been so bad if the shoe hadn't been mine. FML

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By acw2110 - United States

Today, I woke up after having had sex with my 4-year crush expecting to find him in bed next to me. Instead, I found my cell phone with a text message from him that said "you should really do something about the pimples on your ass." FML

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By Homeless for the holidays - 13/12/2020 22:58 - United States - Farmington

Pyrotechnics

Today, after I told my roommate last week she needed to find a new place to live because I thought she was psychotic, she set my house on fire. FML

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By Anonymous - Australia - Townsville

Today, I quit my job so I wouldn't have to work with this one complete fuck-wit anymore. I told him what I thought of him, and then walked away giving him the middle finger. Turns out, he is a regular customer at my new job. Everyone loves him and thinks he's awesome. FML

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By cmoney6452 - United States

Today, I'm so sick that I'm drinking fluids just to make it hurt less when I puke. FML

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By somechick - Canada

Today, I was eating a bag of almonds I got from the bulk food store, picking off what I thought was stringy remnants of their shells. When I finally got down to the bottom of the bag, I found a silk worm circling around the last almond left of a bag of about 200. FML

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By merrymary - United States

Today, I moved in with my new roommate. She's a vegetarian, and won't let me put my meat in the fridge because it will "contaminate her food". FML

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By I Feel Horrible - United States - San Francisco

Today, I went to my boyfriend's house, intending to break up with him. Instead, I was greeted by his whole family throwing me a surprise party. I had to sit and listen to his whole family talk about what a great couple we are and how we're going to last forever. FML

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By

Don't worry dad

Today, my daughter had just left for a date with her boyfriend. All of a sudden, she runs back in the house screaming "I forgot to take my birth control!" That is not something a father wants to hear. FML

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By Username - France

Today, I was out eating lunch with my parents when my mom complained that I eat too quickly and don't thoroughly chew my food. My dad exclaimed, "That's because she swallows!" FML

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By lunarstrain - United Kingdom

Today, I walked in on my boyfriend trying to have sex with a piece of fruit. FML

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By Joseflloyd - United States - Carbondale

Today, I finally got up the nerve to ask a girl at my school for her number. As I was typing it into my phone, she pointed out the giant booger firmly attached to my sleeve. FML

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By randomjulz - United States

Today, my husband asked me to come see his turd. After saying no, he said, "What kind of wife are you?" FML

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By PieterseMJ - South Africa - Sandton

Today, my company had a Halloween party. I was so excited seeing as our company never does anything, so I pulled out all the stops with my costume. I was the only one who got dressed up. FML

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By unfortunate - United States

Today, I was late to work and couldn't get my gas tank open. Panicking, I asked the only person around to help me who happened to be a very large man. He was able to open it for me and seemed really nice. That is until he pulled out a knife and robbed me. FML

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By Anonymous - Italy - Bologna

Today, my dog apparently vomited straight down a heating vent while I was out. The stench was so bad that when I got home and the smell hit me, I threw up too. Looks like I'll be spending a few days with my mother as the house airs out. FML

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By UnluckyTh1rteen - 27/8/2020 14:19 - United States - New York

Just a friend

Today, my boyfriend went to get coffee with a friend. As a joke, I texted him to ask how his date with his other girlfriend was going. It really was a date, and apparently it went very well. FML

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By MedChew - Malaysia - Kuala Lumpur

Today, I dropped my phone between my legs and tried to catch it with my thighs. Instead, the phone fell through just as I crushed my own balls with my legs. FML

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By Username

Today, I called a possible employer I had an interview with about a week ago to see if I had got the job that I have already been trained for. Her response? "Are you sure I interviewed you?" FML

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By anonymous - United States

Today, I was having a garage sale and my mother-in-law came by to see what I was selling. She decided to buy these ugly green wine glasses that were still unopened. It turns out that she gave those to my wife and I when we got married. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, as my dad was handing me my Christmas gift, he pats me on the shoulder and says, "These were mine, hope you enjoy them as much as I did." Thinking it was something special of his he wanted to hand down to me, I quickly unwrapped the box only to find old 70's porn. Merry Christmas? FML

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By THANKS4theINFO - United States

Today, I was watching a movie at my girlfriend's house with her and her parents. There was a part where a brother and sister kissed, so I said "where'd they come from, Alabama?" Today is also the day I found out my girlfriend's parents are from Alabama. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my Dad sent me an e-mail wishing me a "Happy 21st Birthday, sweetheart!" The message went on and on about how much he loves and misses me and wishes we were closer, and can't believe how fast I'm growing up. I'm 23 and my birthday is in December. FML

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By It was the 11 year old - United States - Austin

Today, I overheard my 11-year-old son giving my 8-year-old daughter the sex talk. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my cousin told me that the stop signs outlined with a white line were optional. Later, a cop pulled me over, when I asked why he said, "You ran that stop sign back there." I explained what my cousin had told me and he looked at me funny and replied, "All stop signs have a white outline." FML

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Top comments

By Shots_HK | 0

#444491 - Friday 31 July 2009 10:41

I think you should reply his email and say thank you very much, and that you understand certain things that you haven't been doing as well as you should have + how you will improve. CC his boss.

By FeelMuchBetter | 0

#25688 - Wednesday 11 March 2009 2:17

That was very unprofessional of him!

COMMENTS

By Timmytwofinger | 0

#187 - Thursday 5 February 2009 1:07

what a douche, fuck him

Reply

thepunman | 11

#5373333 - Monday 18 February 2013 21:29

That's disgusting

By HyperFlirt | 0

#21091 - Sunday 8 March 2009 8:13

I'd take this as a cue to do better.

By FeelMuchBetter | 0

#25688 - Wednesday 11 March 2009 2:17

That was very unprofessional of him!

By jenkins56 | 5

#311517 - Tuesday 16 June 2009 15:30

Don't believe this at all.
Why would he just randomely send you an email telling you that?
Especially if he didn't believe it.

LIE

Reply

teentee401 | 36

#6043649 - Thursday 21 August 2014 3:43

He accidentally sent it to OP instead of the boss

Reply

I_Bite | 22

#6404832 - Tuesday 8 September 2015 2:57

My partners job gives out letters and boxes of chocolates to people for doing a good job.
also if the earlier conversation was with the boss it was probably something about the performance reviews

By SAF_fml | 0

#394836 - Tuesday 14 July 2009 8:08

this is faker than balls.
Why would he send you that out of nowhere, then write something to someone else IN THE EMAIL?

By Shots_HK | 0

#444491 - Friday 31 July 2009 10:41

I think you should reply his email and say thank you very much, and that you understand certain things that you haven't been doing as well as you should have + how you will improve. CC his boss.

Reply

sjhill | 32

#3730907 - Wednesday 14 December 2011 18:11

agreed

By anniemarie | 0

#599074 - Friday 2 October 2009 6:19

awww :(.

By whymegodwhy | 0

#941545 - Saturday 13 March 2010 7:15

whats your job?

By sjhill | 32

#3730903 - Wednesday 14 December 2011 18:08

your boss is a genius...

By AviKerensky | 17

#5679736 - Wednesday 18 September 2013 23:18

I can understand him trying to tell you good things, but he's a moron for not deleting the earlier portions of the email.