You, I like you. That's possibly the best come-back I've ever heard.

I like that first part but calling him an idiot is a bit much. You don't want to provoke guys like that.

HA sounds like something I'd do! OP if we ever met, we'd get along splendidly.

#43 Considering you were the girl who said she'd only marry a guy if he bought you a large ring in a previous FML, don't do it OP! It's a trap.

I'd do the same. You are awesome

75 I never said I wouldn't marry a guy if he didn't get me a large ring, I said that I'd say no if I didn't like it. Is getting a ring that I'll like too much to ask for?!?!?!?! No.

What?!?! Here's exactly what you said. It was just a few days ago.

"I feel like all the people who down voted 83 and 62 must be guys. But some guys are cheap and will buy a cheap ring that's probably just silver with a cubic zirconia stone. If I don't get the ring I like we're not getting married. Sorry for having standards. Not."

Doesn't that make you sound just lovely. Not.

100 did you really just go back all those FML's and retype what I said? I must say, you have a bit too much time on your hands. Either that or you're secretly keeping a stash of all the comments I've ever posted.


Where does it say that I want a large ring?

Considering how adamant the guy was about "sewing" him, it's kind of OP's fault for pressing it.

Considering the neighbor was adamant about "sewing" OP, it's kind of OP's fault for pressing it.

Agreed. My engagement ring was cheap cubic zirconia and I treasured it beyond words; there's nothing loving about looking down at your ring and knowing your fiancé went bankrupt getting it for you. Even worse if you're looking down at the ring and knowing that you would have said "no" to a lifetime of marriage if it wasn't pretty enough.

You mean threading the needle.

that's the best thing I've ever read on here!! but I'm pretty sure he can't actually "sew"you for anything from the sounds of this.

His username seals the deal here :D

#90 what happened to your right armpit?
Photo shop gone bad?

This is amazing! Get your sweater from him. As for me I think I'm stealing this comeback if you don't mind. Well even if you do mind.

You mean a "loiter," write?

#119, Unless he's Leather Face from Texas Chainsaw Massacre

exactly, you knit with wool, you don't sew with it.

WTF. Your dog is SHITTING on other people's property and (presumably) you're not clearing it up. Stop being a smartass comic and fucking sort it out.

Abandon thread! Abandon thread!

Haha. Now, OP's neighbor will be chasing after him with a needle.

Gotta agree with 152. Sure, it was a clever comeback, but op is still an ass. Clean up after your own animal. I'd threaten to sew you, too.

Love the username, too.

Worth it.

I'm probably the coolest person here.

Sew poop to his mailbox.

As badass as it would be for OP to do that, the neighbor would have a really good reason to bring the cops into it.

was there a reason to bring the cops in the first place? if OP picked it up then it should be fine.

no it's not fine, it's aggravating. my neighbour's son used to flick his cigarette butts onto my lawn after he was done smoking and it was infuriating. I'm glad his mother didn't know he smoked when I told her though, I never saw cigarette butts on my lawn ever again.

#49 At what part were the cops brought in?

.

?

!

or they could leave it on his door step.

am I the only one who noticed the buttery nipples? I'm getting visuals.

I hope you get visuals.

It would be tampering with his mailbox and sadly that a federal offense.

How's that sad though? If someone tampered with your mailbox I'm sure you'd be wishing for it be a federal offence.

that's what you get for being a smart ass

Exactly, why antagonize him? You never know what kind of psychopath you're dealing with.

I agree, OP's neighbor does sound like an idiot but I'd be pissed too if a dog was shitting on my lawn. OP next time try to be the bigger person and have a polite discussion with your neighbor about how you'll keep your dog off his lawn.

I had a neighbor who wouldn't keep his dog from shitting on our lawn because "Poop is a natural fertilizer what's the harm?" We had 2 dogs that we didn't even let go on the front lawn without cleaning it up... if poop is a natural fertilizer than fertilize your own damn lawn

It actually is no joke but yeah it's rude to do that on other peoples lawn

Probably called a Lolyer or some shit

Lolyer: A person who comes to your doorstep and laughs out loud at your stupidity.

Does it pay well? I'd gladly be a Lolyer.

I wonder if the salary is similar to a prohahahasecutor.

Judge : Tell me, why did your client blew up an office building and shot 22 employees?
Lolyer: For the lulz.
Judge: xD
Lolyer: xD
Client: xD

If you're charged does that mean you go to jair?

72 - If a Lolyer has you charged for something he sends you to a cashier :)

I'd rather be a bale-lift

173 - In my line of work, a "bale-lift" would be another term for "forklift". Trust me, you don't want to be one of those.

@194

Depends who's driving it....

You sure about the lawyer? He might have meant tailor..

Looks like your...shit outta luck! Anyone? No ok I'll leave.

Please do.

You're

Don't let the door hit you where the good lord split you.

Haha! Nice Papa Roach reference!

Idk 57, if I were you I'd lose the mustache.

You use fabric for sewing. Wool is for knitting. Just saying.

I sew with thread. I find it difficult to get fabric through the eye of the needle.

I literally laughed out loud at this! So funny :)

But, but the fabric store has wool fabric for sale! Have they been lying to me???

How can you tell they've never 'sewn' anything in their life? lol. Smartass fail.

Clean up your dog's shit!

That's really funny but are you genuinely letting your dog shit on his lawn?

Maybe OP isn't necessarily "letting" the dog go poop on the neighbor's lawn, but OP was just unaware of it, as in, not just idly standing by and watching as the dog did its business. It is still OP's fault though and he needs to probably find a way to prevent it from happening again.