Today, I received a panicked email from one of my university...

By Anonymous - 30/1/2015 10:51 - United Kingdom - Addlestone

Today, I received a panicked email from one of my university students on my course on Russian history, stating that he'd "always thought Stalin was fake, like the moon landing". FML

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Work

Boozehound alert

Deep-seated resentment

Doomed

By Anonymous - 14/4/2016 17:04 - United States - Pittsburg

Today, I had to spend a long bus ride with my chest pressed against the window, because some mammoth of a woman decided to squeeze her double wide ass into my seat. FML

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By Anonymous - 4/1/2014 18:38 - United States - Canton

Today, I'm now able to put my acne cream on my face without having to look in the mirror, because I've memorized the crater and trench-filled war zone that is my acne-riddled face. FML

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By Anonymous - 15/10/2013 21:48 - United States - Round Lake

Today, my boyfriend dumped me for knowing more about Batman than he does. He's only seen some of the movies, and as a kid my dad owned a comic book store. He still doesn't see why I should know more, because I'm a girl, and "girls aren't supposed to know about super heroes." FML

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By anonymous - 23/4/2013 21:07 - United States - Philadelphia

Today, I went to my grandmom's house for an hour or so. When I came home, my boyfriend was on the bed, covered in the sheets and about to cry. Turns out he taped his ballsack to his leg and couldn't get it off because it "hurts too much." I'm 24 and he's 26. FML

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By Anonymous - 7/10/2010 00:48 - United States

Today, my parents gave me my birthday present. Two weeks ago, I ordered an xbox online. Three days ago, it came to my house, and my parents thought they could save money by putting wrapping paper on it, and giving it to me for my birthday. That's all they got me. FML

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By exfiancee - 5/8/2012 13:20 - United States - Summerville

Today, my fiancé told me that he was having second thoughts on our engagement. Instead of just calling it off, he took me to a fancy restaurant and took a public poll on whether we should get married. The majority said no. FML

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By Melaknee - 19/3/2009 00:10 - United States

Today, I saw an attractive man outside the club I was trying to get into to. We talked, and ended up having sex in my apartment. The next day when I was dropping him off, I discovered he was homeless and was outside the club begging for money. My house is suddenly out of bread and cheese. FML

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By johnG - 21/12/2009 15:23 - Canada

Today, I got a call from my local hospital's emergency room, stating my wife was in labour. My wife and I split years ago, but just haven't divorced. She is telling everyone I am the baby's father, my current girlfriend is 7 months pregnant with my child. FML

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By KindaLooksLikeCocaine - 23/9/2015 23:56 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I walked in on my drunk roommate grinding up stale marshmallows and attempting to snort them. FML

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By Anonymous - 18/4/2014 22:07 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I met my girlfriend's dad at a tennis game. I could tell he despised me from the start, but it only got worse when I played him. He smashed the ball at me and I went to hit it, but I missed and fell over, tearing my arm up on the gravel. He had a smirk on his face for the rest of the day. FML

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By Wtfbruhimmovingout - 28/11/2015 02:38 - Canada - Toronto

Today, my mom tried to burn my arm with a hot spatula, all because I got a tattoo against her wishes. FML

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By Anonymous - 29/6/2010 17:34 - Canada

Today, after going down on my boyfriend, we were cuddling and I went to kiss him. Just before I could reach his lips, he ran his finger over my mouth and whispered, "S-s-s-semen." FML

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By rahhhnnnn - 25/4/2020 02:00

You can't win sometimes

Today, I learned that because I clean everything in my roommate's house and keep the lights low to save energy, and respect him and do things in the proper way I was raised, he and his friends and girlfriend think I’m weird and won’t speak to me. FML

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By Anonymous - 22/10/2019 22:00 - France

Classy

Today, I've got two family members over to stay. So far, I have found a dirty Q-Tip, a nasty toe nail and had to clean up period blood from toilets, bin, and the floor. FML

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By Why's it so cold in here? - 1/2/2015 18:13 - United States

Today, after getting home from being in the field for a week, my wife who's a nurse, convinced me I had a spider bite on my penis. After rushing to the ER and standing nude in a cold exam room while the ER staff checked me out, I learned it's just an ingrown hair. FML

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By Anonymous - 17/5/2009 20:09 - United States

Today, for my birthday, I got a Big Mac. FML

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By Anonymous - 20/1/2016 02:51 - United States - Mission

Today, I was talking to one of my supervisors at my new job. He asked if I knew a professor at the school I recently graduated from, and I decided to babble on about how shitty of a professor he was and how much I loathed his class. He then looked at me and said, "That's my dad." FML

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By sadwife - 31/5/2009 18:07 - United States

Today, I woke up and my husband said he got me a gift for our 1 year anniversary and it was on the table. We laid around cuddling and when I finally got up I was expecting to walk out to beautiful bouquet of flowers. I got two pack of cigarettes. FML

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By Anonymous - 13/7/2014 04:08 - United States

Today, I decided to tan naked in a secluded part of my yard, so I wouldn't get tan lines. I even felt adventurous enough to leave my bikini and towel inside. This idea backfired however when my mom stopped home from work, assumed I wasn't home, and locked all the doors before she left again. FML

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By bleeding - 6/12/2009 01:24 - United States

Today, while I was waiting for an interview, I picked at a something I felt on my chin thinking that it was just some food. I had a good interview. Then I got into my car and looked in the mirror, and saw that I had blood smeared all over my chin. Turns out I had picked a zit. No one told me. FML

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By SorryUncleTommy - 1/10/2012 04:23 - United States - Brooklyn

Today, it was my uncle's funeral. I wasn't very close with him, but I still wanted to be respectful. My boyfriend, being the jackass that he is, was singing the Spider Pig song from The Simpsons under his breath while making his fingers walk up my leg, trying to get under my skirt. FML

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By sucks2suck - 19/2/2009 05:28 - United States

Today, I told my parents I really missed them and wanted to come home for the weekend, I haven't seen them in months. They told me that was a bad idea and they couldnt fit me into their schedule. I asked what their plans were. They said they didn't have any yet. FML

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By Anonymous - 29/6/2019 05:15

Today, after feeling like I've been sucking as a friend and contacting a friend who has called me their best friend, but doesn't talk to me much, we grabbed a coffee. The whole time I was trying to have a conversation, she was on her phone. FML

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By heterolifepartner - 18/1/2010 06:03 - Australia

Today, I found out my boyfriend of two years role-plays on the internet, pretending to have sex with men. His response when I confronted him about it? "Which specific incidents are you referring to?" FML

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By Anonymous - 30/7/2014 08:21 - United Kingdom - Bristol

Today, I spent six hours at the ER. Why? My husband dared our seventeen-year-old son to recreate a 'Jackass' trolley-hedge diving stunt at the local supermarket. What wasn't on my groceries list was a broken arm, fractured wrist, whiplash and cuts and bruises. FML

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By draggirl - 13/10/2009 17:26 - United Kingdom

Today, I went to buy my prom dress. I felt really good as I walked out of the dressing room, until someone walked out of the room next to me wearing the same dress, and looked better in it than I did. It was a man buying it for his drag show. FML

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By purpletrout - 30/11/2016 06:39 - United States - Lansing

Today, my energetic 10-month-old decided to stay up four hours past bedtime. After I FINALLY got him to sleep, I tried to go to bed. My husband is now snoring, farting and taking up my side of the bed. I desperately need some sleep. FML

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By Anonymous - 17/8/2012 22:16 - Canada

Today, my lazy manager, who blatantly spreads vicious rumors about employees, one which has ruined a marriage, has started targeting me because her lazy daughter was legally fired. Now I'm known around the office as "the whore who slept her way up the corporate ladder." FML

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By fishoutofwater - 3/12/2015 04:22 - United States - Radcliff

Today, in an attempt to broaden my horizons in another sport besides swimming, I succeeded in getting a frisbee spiked into my face. FML

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By Scaredwitless - 28/1/2011 04:35 - United States

Today, my roommate decided to prank me by leaving a fake suicide note on the bathroom door and lying motionless in a bathtub full of water and red coloring. When I went, horrified, to take a closer look, he lunged at me and screamed. I was so scared I pissed myself. FML

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By :( - 2/3/2010 00:14 - United Kingdom

Today, I had to explain to my 14-year-old sister why one must not wear the same pair of knickers for a week. FML

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By Anonymous - 31/3/2009 05:40 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I had sex for the first time. After what seemed like an eternity of waiting, he finally entered me, then paused and asked me, "what do I do now?" FML

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By aaaaahhhh - 6/4/2013 08:51 - Australia - Chatswood

Today, as a learner driver, I embarked on my longest drive ever: back home, from Sydney to Melbourne, which is around a 700km drive. I managed to get the whole way without any problems. I crashed into my driveway. FML

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By Peel - 13/12/2008 04:53 - France

Today, when I left the restaurant, the very handsome waiter whom I had been trying to tune all night says to me, in front of everyone "But why did you write your number on the table with hearts next to it? You know, I won't call you!" FML

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By Dancing King - 7/8/2014 15:36 - Norway - Egersund

Today, I went with my girlfriend to the gym for the first time. I knew I was in bad shape, but I bet her that I could lift more than her. Not only did I get my ass handed to me by a 5', 115lbs girl in front of the entire gym, I also have to attend Zumba in bright pink spandex. FML

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By Noah - 16/8/2016 18:43 - United States - South Haven

Today, I was at a bar with my girlfriend, and I noticed an obnoxious guy from college I used to hang out with. I tried to avoid eye contact, but all of a sudden he shouted, "There's the guy who puked his margarita back into the glass!" Everyone stared. Yup, that was me, just last week. FML

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By unwilling redneck - 24/5/2013 22:48 - United States

Today, my uncle drove to my house in his tractor, beer in one hand, and a radio strapped to the dash blasting country music at unimaginable volume. Neither of us live on a farm. Half the neighborhood stood angrily glaring at us until we went inside. FML

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By Whyudodis - 1/10/2016 07:18 - Canada - New Westminster

Today, while on the skytrain, a woman leaned on the railing bar that I was holding onto, crushing my hand. My first instinct was to move my hand when she turned around and began loudly yelling at me for, "Touching her waist" and "Sexually harassing" her. FML

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By carwife - 21/8/2010 04:13 - Canada

Today, at a family dinner, my new husband compared deciding to marry me to buying a used car. Some of the similarites included looking under the hood and finding out how many previous owners there were. FML

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By ELLI - 2/10/2017 04:30

Today, all of my friends showed up an hour late for my 18th birthday party because they decided to go get dinner without me. FML

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Top comments

By whatcase | 16

#6187824 - Friday 30 January 2015 17:08

How did he make it onto a university?

By thes7274473 | 19

#6187821 - Friday 30 January 2015 17:07

I weep for humanity

COMMENTS

By yerrkiddingme | 2

#6187820 - Friday 30 January 2015 17:07

paranoid!!

MetalxSoldier | 26

#6187897 - Friday 30 January 2015 18:19

How is he paranoid? Also I hope your student was just "Stalin" for extra time op because if he was serious, I don't think he has a good chance of passing your class.

DaDezza244 | 31

#6187922 - Friday 30 January 2015 18:35

Not paranoid #1, but very ignorant

guynamedsky | 15

#6187954 - Friday 30 January 2015 19:12

this is what you did with 1st comment?

DArthurVaderian | 18

#6191685 - Wednesday 4 February 2015 2:07

It can be paranoia, they believe the government lied about the moon landing.

By thes7274473 | 19

#6187821 - Friday 30 January 2015 17:07

I weep for humanity

WildJaw | 15

#6187888 - Friday 30 January 2015 18:13

It wasn't her fault. She was just stalin'

james_galvin_ | 5

#6191122 - Tuesday 3 February 2015 13:22

Yep

By carolyn_m | 19

#6187822 - Friday 30 January 2015 17:07

This made me cringe..

By phaelnb | 26

#6187823 - Friday 30 January 2015 17:07

Imagine what will happen when you show him the picture with Stalin, Churchill and the US president whose name I forget.

julianbozikovic | 20

#6187851 - Friday 30 January 2015 17:23

I think it was Roosevelt who was in that picture...if my memory still works haha!

FieldLeftBlank | 20

#6187860 - Friday 30 January 2015 17:32

Imagine what'll happen when he shows him a picture of Stalin on the moon.

lilybadilly25 | 15

#6187949 - Friday 30 January 2015 19:08

Easy, #4..! It's photoshopped! Ha!

noah_1234 | 24

#6188868 - Saturday 31 January 2015 20:50

#16 it was president woodrow wilson

DaDezza244 | 31

#6257729 - Thursday 9 April 2015 19:04

It was President Roosevelt and later Truman. Woodrow Wilson was president in ww1

By whatcase | 16

#6187824 - Friday 30 January 2015 17:08

How did he make it onto a university?

GGFeminist | 1

#6188388 - Saturday 31 January 2015 6:38

its because collage admissions are biased in favor of males

By Kiki242 | 19

#6187828 - Friday 30 January 2015 17:09

Conspiracy theories....

nietzche | 8

#6189938 - Monday 2 February 2015 5:57

True theories*

caleb_9756 | 14

#6190030 - Monday 2 February 2015 9:00

Stalin? Real.

Moon landing? Ehh... I don't think so..

By kingkobrastrikes | 13

#6187830 - Friday 30 January 2015 17:10

Well it looks like you have your job cut out for you, teach! Hopefully this student knows more than they put on.

BasedgodFYB | 8

#6189342 - Sunday 1 February 2015 7:54

More than they LET on

By Ashwathi | 21

#6187831 - Friday 30 January 2015 17:10

That's when I wonder how these kids get into a University...

By purelymixed | 17

#6187838 - Friday 30 January 2015 17:14

Wait, what?

jerryj | 27

#6187846 - Friday 30 January 2015 17:19

With the time you took to type this, you could have re-read the FML to try to make better sense of what little there is ;)

purelymixed | 17

#6187936 - Friday 30 January 2015 18:45

What?

xninix_fml | 36

#6187963 - Friday 30 January 2015 19:23

@31 get out.

purelymixed | 17

#6188017 - Friday 30 January 2015 21:00

Wait

grimpeeper | 13

#6190416 - Monday 2 February 2015 19:57

Stay out.

By Philintheblankz | 14

#6187839 - Friday 30 January 2015 17:15

Your student was Putin on a show. Clearly he's Stalin on his Sputnik project.