Today, I received a panicked email from one of my university...

By Anonymous - 30/1/2015 10:51 - United Kingdom - Addlestone

Today, I received a panicked email from one of my university students on my course on Russian history, stating that he'd "always thought Stalin was fake, like the moon landing". FML

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Work

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By Badday - 23/11/2017 19:00

Today, I received a call from a company attempting to steal me away. Flattered, I told them I liked my job and the answer was no. When I told my boss, he said they're thinking about laying me off and I should've taken the job. FML

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By fmlfmlfml - 11/10/2011 14:22 - United Kingdom

Today, my boyfriend rekindled the romance with his ex, at my 21st birthday party. One of the few reasons I'd invited her was to show that I trusted him, and I no longer felt threatened by their continued friendship. FML

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By RedFace - 5/4/2011 14:06 - United States

Today, I was at a band concert with 500 other people. The song they were performing stopped, and I loved it so much I stood up and clapped. Everyone stared, while I slowly realized the song wasn't over. FML

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By spongebob squarepants - 28/2/2018 01:30

Today, I rear-ended someone while trying to watch my odometer hit 80,000 miles. FML

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By WithoutLove - 30/8/2011 05:20 - United States

Today, I realized the closest thing I have to a love life is organizing my porn folder by category. FML

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By GiraffeLover - 11/1/2013 11:36 - Australia

Today, my 17 year old boyfriend's mother bought him a giraffe onesie. He refused to take it off and insisted on wearing it everywhere we go. We live in Australia and it's our summer now. So far he has passed out 3 times in public because he over heated, but he still won't take it off. FML

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By Rachael - 30/11/2012 07:29 - Australia

Today, I was woken up by my elderly neighbor banging on my door at 2am. She needed "urgent" assistance as she had forgotten how to turn her TV off. I'd just fallen asleep. FML

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By kat - 25/12/2009 05:16 - United States

Today, I work at a debt collections center and I had to call my own father. Merry Christmas. FML

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By Fatty - 28/12/2011 07:57 - United States

Today, I found out that I've been using a "Trick Scale" that my family bought to boost my self esteem so I'd think I was losing weight. I found this out at my physical, where I learned I have actually gained ten pounds. FML

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By couch girl - 25/6/2013 16:23 - Singapore - Singapore

Today, I got harassed and screamed at by a middle-aged man for parking in a spot close to the store, because he wanted the same spot so he didn't have to walk so far with his groceries. He took a photo and vowed to report me to the authorities. FML

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By panicromanceX3 - 26/4/2009 08:44 - United States

Today, my friends and I spent hours on the Disney website playing in Pixie Hollow. We made our own fairies and flew around completing tasks for TinkerBell and her fairy friends. We're in college, and this is how we spent our Saturday night. FML

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By Dopeydancer - 8/9/2009 13:12 - United Kingdom

Today, after a few drinks with some mates at a bar, we were invited to the dancefloor with some girls. After some dancing and flirting, I felt a cheeky squeeze on my backside, and so I quickly returned the favour without looking back. A few minutes later at the bar, I realised my wallet was gone. FML

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By Shalamar - 15/12/2009 01:30 - Canada

Today, the new guy at work - who is probably at least ten years older than I am - admired the photo on my desk of myself with my husband and teenage daughters and asked "Are those your grand-children?" I'm in my 40's. FML

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By Anonymous - 10/1/2016 10:35 - United States - Pittsburg

Today, my mom said if I dont get straight A's in my classes this year, she'll get the school to hold me back until I do. I believe her. FML

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By Anonymous - 31/8/2009 20:38 - United States

Today, while emailing my very young, attractive teacher to ask a question, my hand slipped. Too bad you can't unsend emails that say "Can we meet after school some time? I have some thongs I'd like to discuss with you." FML

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By traumatized4life - 4/11/2010 19:32 - United States

Today, I woke up to two text messages from my mother. The first said, "You could've had this for breakfast. How do you like your eggs?" The next text was a picture message of her naked. I think it was meant to be sent to her boyfriend. FML

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By Anonymous - 15/6/2014 21:29 - United States - Toledo

Today, I went to a Father's Day lunch with my dad and his fiancée. He suddenly began to describe, in detail, the vasectomy he'd just had, and that I shouldn't be expecting any new siblings any time soon. Thanks for the mental image, Dad. FML

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By hatemylife - 19/7/2011 06:24 - United States

Today, a group of girl-scouts came to my door selling chocolate bars. I bought 2 bars and smiled as they left, thinking I'd done a good deed. When the door closed, I heard one of the girls say, "Told you, the fat bitches always wanna buy from us." FML

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By fml...really - 27/11/2009 07:45 - United States

Today, we took the kids to the local pond near my sister-in-law's to feed the geese. I hadn't been there before, and thought I'd take a picture. I turned around to adjust my camera, but the geese, realizing the feast had ended, took flight. Before I could react I was showered with goose shit. FML

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By hate enough to kill... - 14/10/2012 20:57 - Netherlands - Stevensweert

Today, I witnessed my mother-in-law reach into my wife's purse and practically empty it out into her pocket. When I confronted her and called my wife into the room, both of them accused me of lying through my teeth, because I've always hated her. FML

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By Anonymous - 11/2/2017 06:00 - United States - Richmond

Today, by helping my sweet, caring boyfriend get over his crippling insecurities and develop some confidence, I've turned him into a lying, cheating asshole I can't stand. FML

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By Pissed.Off.Mom. - 6/10/2016 05:14 - United States - Houston

Today, I got a call informing me that my 16-year-old daughter had been arrested for shoplifting jewellery. Trying to look on the bright side, I assumed it was for my birthday that is coming up in a few days. Nope. It was a "Thank you" gift. For her drug dealer. FML

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By too good - 24/10/2014 10:54 - United Kingdom - Dartford

Today, my boyfriend and I tried roleplaying a teacher-student during sex. We're both studying to be actors, so we ended up going into a really deep, emotional storyline that didn't end in sex at all. FML

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By Windstar - 7/4/2009 07:32 - Canada

Today, my daughter ran up to a librarian working in the kids section and screamed "MOMMY!" and hugged her. She looked at her and said "I'm not your mommy." My daughters reply: "I know. But you're better than mommy" FML

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By sleekRelease - 11/6/2019 04:00

Today, I was expecting an important delivery for a party I'm having tonight. I was in the shower when the doorbell rang. In my haste, I slipped and ended up with a bunch of little cuts and bruises. Turns out, it was someone trying to leave a note saying it would be delivered tomorrow. FML

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By Fluffyman - 10/8/2019 04:00

Today, I realized that I haven’t lost weight. All my clothes have just stretched to fit. FML

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By Sleeping moody - 8/8/2016 04:01 - United States - Hollywood

Today I went to my sleep therapist; I sleep 8 hours a night, but I'm still very tired during the day. I'm divorced, so we decided that I would record myself sleeping to see if I might be snoring. We listened to the tape. Not only was I snoring very loudly, I cry all night in my sleep. FM

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By Ban Hammered - 25/5/2016 10:35 - United States - New York

Today, I babysat my neighbor's twin 4-year-old girls again. When I took them out for lunch, they apparently had been addressing themselves as "my bitches", taught to them by their devil spawn 13-year-old brother. Everyone, including Chuck E. Cheese himself, was not pleased. FML

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By myself - 30/1/2012 05:24 - Canada

Today, I came home to the nanny passed out on the couch from too much alcohol, my 2-year-old alone and locked in the bathroom, and my house in a complete wreck. To top it off, it's the day my mother-in-law, who hates me, is coming to visit from New York. FML

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By Anonymous - 31/1/2015 15:08 - United States - Venus

Today, my boss let me sit in on a board meeting. It was awesome until the guy next to me let out a vile fart, then looked at me in disgust, causing the others to look at me in disgust too. When I told my boss what really happened, he told me to grow up and stop blaming the other guy. FML

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By surrounded by dumbfucks - 13/12/2012 23:44 - United States - Carmel

Today, in history class, we were talking about Ancient Rome, and what childbirth would have been like back then. One girl asked in all seriousness why they didn't use ultrasound machines to see what sex their babies were. I have to deal with people like this on a daily basis. FML

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By Marian - 23/3/2009 19:37 - United States

Today, I had an anxiety attack when I was hanging out with my boyfriend. He pulled me close to him and I started to feel better, until he put my hand down his pants and around his penis and said, "Here! Try this to take your mind off it." FML

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By Anonymous - 29/4/2009 01:07 - United States

Today, this guy I like let me wear his favorite baseball hat that he never takes off. I returned it to him later, only to find out I have lice. FML

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By NotThatButton - 11/9/2015 01:59 - United States - Missoula

Today, I accidentally deleted my landlord's pictures of his child's graduation, girlfriend, daughter and vacation when he asked me to delete a video off his phone. FML

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By Anonymous - 20/3/2009 21:03 - United States

Today, I decided I would tell my mom I'm not going to marry my fiancé because it just didn't feel right, only to walk into my own surprise engagement party. FML

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By Anonymous - 20/2/2015 21:26 - United States - Moorpark

Today, some popped-collar wearing shitbird tried to pick me up with the line, "You look like Marilyn Monroe's corpse! Wanna fuck?" FML

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By look before you speak - 9/2/2014 07:12 - United States

Today, I was at a swim meet. I asked my friend if he could be my wingman and help me get a date with a girl I really liked. I told him my plan, and as I finished and turned to go to her, I noticed her standing right there, listening in on the whole conversation. FML

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By Anonymous - 7/11/2010 20:15 - Canada

Today, my sixteen year old son told me that he's following his guidance counselor's advice: to do what his hero does for a living. The problem? His hero is SpongeBob Squarepants. His ambition in life is to become a fry cook. FML

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By Anonymous - 24/11/2011 17:07 - United States

Today, my son told me he was afraid of monsters under his bed. When I poked my head under to show him nothing was there, the family cat sprang out and clawed me in the face. Now I have a gash on my chin, and my son refuses to go anywhere near his bed. FML

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By a - 10/4/2013 19:09 - United States

Today, my husband and I announced our upcoming divorce. My friends told me how sorry they were and that they're available for whatever I need. His friends told him to just call the girl from last weekend and get himself laid again. FML

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Top comments

By whatcase | 16

#6187824 - Friday 30 January 2015 17:08

How did he make it onto a university?

By thes7274473 | 19

#6187821 - Friday 30 January 2015 17:07

I weep for humanity

Comments

By yerrkiddingme | 2

#6187820 - Friday 30 January 2015 17:07

paranoid!!

MetalxSoldier | 26

#6187897 - Friday 30 January 2015 18:19

How is he paranoid? Also I hope your student was just "Stalin" for extra time op because if he was serious, I don't think he has a good chance of passing your class.

DaDezza244 | 31

#6187922 - Friday 30 January 2015 18:35

Not paranoid #1, but very ignorant

guynamedsky | 15

#6187954 - Friday 30 January 2015 19:12

this is what you did with 1st comment?

DArthurVaderian | 18

#6191685 - Wednesday 4 February 2015 2:07

It can be paranoia, they believe the government lied about the moon landing.

By thes7274473 | 19

#6187821 - Friday 30 January 2015 17:07

I weep for humanity

WildJaw | 15

#6187888 - Friday 30 January 2015 18:13

It wasn't her fault. She was just stalin'

james_galvin_ | 5

#6191122 - Tuesday 3 February 2015 13:22

Yep

By carolyn_m | 19

#6187822 - Friday 30 January 2015 17:07

This made me cringe..

By phaelnb | 26

#6187823 - Friday 30 January 2015 17:07

Imagine what will happen when you show him the picture with Stalin, Churchill and the US president whose name I forget.

julianbozikovic | 20

#6187851 - Friday 30 January 2015 17:23

I think it was Roosevelt who was in that picture...if my memory still works haha!

FieldLeftBlank | 20

#6187860 - Friday 30 January 2015 17:32

Imagine what'll happen when he shows him a picture of Stalin on the moon.

lilybadilly25 | 15

#6187949 - Friday 30 January 2015 19:08

Easy, #4..! It's photoshopped! Ha!

noah_1234 | 24

#6188868 - Saturday 31 January 2015 20:50

#16 it was president woodrow wilson

DaDezza244 | 31

#6257729 - Thursday 9 April 2015 19:04

It was President Roosevelt and later Truman. Woodrow Wilson was president in ww1

By whatcase | 16

#6187824 - Friday 30 January 2015 17:08

How did he make it onto a university?

GGFeminist | 1

#6188388 - Saturday 31 January 2015 6:38

its because collage admissions are biased in favor of males

By Kiki242 | 19

#6187828 - Friday 30 January 2015 17:09

Conspiracy theories....

nietzche | 8

#6189938 - Monday 2 February 2015 5:57

True theories*

caleb_9756 | 14

#6190030 - Monday 2 February 2015 9:00

Stalin? Real.

Moon landing? Ehh... I don't think so..

By kingkobrastrikes | 13

#6187830 - Friday 30 January 2015 17:10

Well it looks like you have your job cut out for you, teach! Hopefully this student knows more than they put on.

BasedgodFYB | 8

#6189342 - Sunday 1 February 2015 7:54

More than they LET on

By Ashwathi | 21

#6187831 - Friday 30 January 2015 17:10

That's when I wonder how these kids get into a University...

By purelymixed | 17

#6187838 - Friday 30 January 2015 17:14

Wait, what?

jerryj | 27

#6187846 - Friday 30 January 2015 17:19

With the time you took to type this, you could have re-read the FML to try to make better sense of what little there is ;)

purelymixed | 17

#6187936 - Friday 30 January 2015 18:45

What?

xninix_fml | 36

#6187963 - Friday 30 January 2015 19:23

@31 get out.

purelymixed | 17

#6188017 - Friday 30 January 2015 21:00

Wait

grimpeeper | 13

#6190416 - Monday 2 February 2015 19:57

Stay out.

By Philintheblankz | 14

#6187839 - Friday 30 January 2015 17:15

Your student was Putin on a show. Clearly he's Stalin on his Sputnik project.