Work: Today, I received a panicked email from one of my university...

By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Addlestone

Today, I received a panicked email from one of my university students on my course on Russian history, stating that he'd "always thought Stalin was fake, like the moon landing". FML

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Work

Season finale

Coherence dude, do you have it?

Delusional

By Anonymous - 12/12/2020 14:02

Temporarily Embarrassed Millionaires

Today, my father decided that he "wants to get rich." His method of choice? Bitcoin trading. He's already lost a lot of money, but won't stop, because, "he doesn't listen to haters." FML

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By MegGRRRz - United States

Today, I woke up and took my mom to work. It wasn't until after I got home, logged on Facebook and looked at the upcoming birthdays to see that it was her birthday today. No wonder she was silent the entire car ride and slammed the door on the way out. FML

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By Fat Jon - Mexico - Mexico

Today, I went to a costume contest as Jon Snow from Game of Thrones. I won, which was nice, until I was told that the only flaws in my "Samwell Tarly" outfit were my long hair and wrong sword. FML

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By Joe - Cambodia

Today, whilst celebrating my birthday with my friends and family, I met a girl at the bar who seemed interested. She became very disinterested and left after my mother whispered in her ear "If you go home with my son make sure he wears a condom." FML

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By quietsleeper - United States

Today, my new girlfriend told me I don't snore when I sleep. Which is funny, since during the last year of my marriage, my ex-wife would make me sleep on the couch because my loud snoring kept her up. FML

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By Tom

Long day

Today, I got the bus to work instead of walking so I could be there faster. However, I accidentally got on the wrong bus which let me off a mile and a half away from my workplace. Then, after another half-hour of trying to walk there, I found that it wasn't even open that day. FML

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By UnpredictableSurface

Today, a tattoo artist send me home without tattoo because the acne on my back has gotten so bad, he refused to work on such an 'unpredictable surface'. FML

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By pea - United States

Today, I had a lady come in to order a pizza. She wanted to use a free delivery coupon. After telling her several times that she couldn't use a free delivery coupon, unless she was having the pizza delivered, she told me I have horrible people skills. FML

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By Username - United States

Today, I came home to find that all my porn magazines have been "censored" with a black sharpie. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my girlfriend's father sent me a text message that simply stated "You ruined my relationship with my daughter." I wanted to ask him for his blessing to marry his daughter. FML

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By wtf - United Kingdom

Today, I shat out a staple. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I taught my younger cousins a more effective way to brush their teeth. Tonight when I was getting them ready for bed I asked them why they weren't brushing their teeth like I taught them to. The littlest one replied "Daddy said if we do then we'll have ugly teeth like yours." FML

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By Anonymous - 19/6/2020 02:00

Honesty is the best policy

Today, I finally went on a date with a girl I've been talking to for 2 years. She is my dream girl, picture perfect and I love her with all my heart. So I asked her, half jokingly, if I was her dream guy. Her reply? "Don't ask me something you don't want to hear the answer of." FML

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By kewtness_17 - United States

Today, I got mad at my 4 year old son for cussing me out. Afterwards, I went upstairs to get ready for the day. When I came back downstairs I found him pooping on my brand new leather couch. FML

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By Anonymous - 12/11/2020 23:03

Thanks for the heads up

Today, a person who I've been talking to for months told me they were in a relationship with someone else. I work with this person and see them almost everyday. To top it off, they told me this over text. FML

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By immature - United Kingdom - Reading

Today, in astronomy class, a kid used Uranus in a hilarious innuendo. I was the only one who laughed. I also happen to be the teacher. FML

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By maddy - United States

Today, I had pancakes for breakfast, and without realizing it, I got syrup in my hair. After breakfast, I went to straighten my hair, only to burn the syrup and have it get stuck in my hair. There was no time to shower and it smelled. FML

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By julie - United States

Today, I realized that if you are too lazy to get completely dressed in the morning and only put on a top, you should not answer a Skype video call from your boss that involves you standing up, turning around and grabbing files from your filing cabinet all in clear view of your web cam. FML

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By hushed - Canada - Leduc

Everyone's A Critic

Today, I was hushed in a theatre during a play. I would normally appreciate a discreet silencing in the audience, but I was saying my lines. FML

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By notabadserver - Canada - Toronto

Today, the head chef at work yelled at me for not knowing the difference between two sauces. I couldn't win the argument, even after a coworker admitted to filling both bottles with the same sauce. FML

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By anon - Australia

Today, I got a birthday card in the mail from my aunt. I got all excited when I saw a cheque inside, but the cheque was addressed to the wrong name. Not only did my own aunt forget my name, I couldn't even bank the $60. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Woburn

Today, I resigned from my job in favor of a higher-paying one. After I filled out and filed the necessary papers, my boss told me that I had been nominated to replace him when he retired in a month. His job pays at least twice what I'm now making. Thanks for telling me, asshat. FML

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By screwed

Bad choice of material, dude

Today, I told my on and off girlfriend as a joke that I stalked her two years ago. She didn't believe me. When I say she didn't believe me, I mean she didn't believe it was a joke. FM

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By TheMike23 - United States - Winter Garden

Today, I went out with my mom to a restaurant. We were sitting down to eat, and a waitress walks over to our table and asks, "How are you ladies doing tonight?" It really was a nice thing to ask, for my mom. As for me, being a man, not so much. FML

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By mikeyamazing - France

Today, feeling festive, I sent everyone on my phone's contact list a holiday message. Almost everyone replied back "who's this?" FML

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By Anonymous - India - Kundan

Today, my boss was fired by the board. A few days ago, he dropped several strong hints that he was going to promote me soon. FML

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By Anonymous - 9/7/2020 20:02

Wrap it

Today, my boyfriend, who I have been seeing for a year, decided to tell me that he has herpes and has not taken any precautions to stop it from passing on. We have had unprotected sex quite a lot over the last year, so now I most likely have herpes too. FML

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By Fitz - United States

Today, I had a customer scream at me for ruining their child's birthday party. They had bought a Piñata from me and didn't know they had to fill it themselves. The kids had hit it open and it was empty. FML

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By Anonymous - 28/10/2020 17:01

Good listener

Today, in a deep depression, on my worst night, I reached out to a lifeline. Waited an hour for the counselor to arrive, listen for a few minutes, then tell me I should, "Get my mind off of it by planning my prom, sewing a dress or painting my nails." The application clearly shows I'm an adult man. FML

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By fatty - Canada - Calgary

Today, I yet again purposely avoided the 'Health and Fitness' section on Pinterest to keep my self-esteem up. FML

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By motherlessbride - United States

Today, my husband finally admitted to his mother he'd got married. No wonder she wasn't involved with the wedding. FML

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By Anonymous - Australia - Brighton

Today, I walked in on my brother masturbating. In the living room. For the second time. FML

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By moneyman

But I'm a man

Today, I went on a date with a beautiful woman I had recently met. Great food, great conversation, and a great connection. That is, until she revealed that she is a lesbian. FML

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By izzie - Canada

Bad sex

Today, I had sex for the first time in months. His apology took longer than the sex did. FML

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By Frustrated - United States

Today, I tried to work on my attitude at work. People say I'm mean, so I tried to be nice all day. Apparently I'm now condescending. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Fairfield

Today, two months into my new marketing job, I presented my first webinar live to over 300 people. Half the audience complained about the horrible sound quality, saying all they could hear was a Mickey Mouse squeaky sound. Turns out it wasn't the sound quality, it was my voice. FML

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By alucas3 - United States

Today, I got a rental car because my car needed new tires and I had a long drive ahead of me. Today, the rental car got a flat tire. FML

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By Somethingswrongwiththispic - United States

Today, I was watching this show about fat people. I was wondering how people could let this happen to themselves. Then I looked down and saw a giant bowl of popcorn, ice cream, potato chips, and soda. I thus figured out how people do this to themselves. FML

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By atsukobo - United States

Today, I was half asleep and tried to cuddle my husband as we slept. Still dreaming, he yelled for me to leave his money alone. FML

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By anonymous

Today, we had a tornado warning and I told my parents I loved them, just in case. My dad just said "see you in Kansas". FML

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Top comments

By whatcase | 16

#6187824 - Friday 30 January 2015 17:08

How did he make it onto a university?

By thes7274473 | 19

#6187821 - Friday 30 January 2015 17:07

I weep for humanity

COMMENTS

By yerrkiddingme | 2

#6187820 - Friday 30 January 2015 17:07

paranoid!!

MetalxSoldier | 26

#6187897 - Friday 30 January 2015 18:19

How is he paranoid? Also I hope your student was just "Stalin" for extra time op because if he was serious, I don't think he has a good chance of passing your class.

DaDezza244 | 31

#6187922 - Friday 30 January 2015 18:35

Not paranoid #1, but very ignorant

guynamedsky | 15

#6187954 - Friday 30 January 2015 19:12

this is what you did with 1st comment?

DArthurVaderian | 18

#6191685 - Wednesday 4 February 2015 2:07

It can be paranoia, they believe the government lied about the moon landing.

By thes7274473 | 19

#6187821 - Friday 30 January 2015 17:07

I weep for humanity

WildJaw | 15

#6187888 - Friday 30 January 2015 18:13

It wasn't her fault. She was just stalin'

james_galvin_ | 5

#6191122 - Tuesday 3 February 2015 13:22

Yep

By carolyn_m | 19

#6187822 - Friday 30 January 2015 17:07

This made me cringe..

By phaelnb | 26

#6187823 - Friday 30 January 2015 17:07

Imagine what will happen when you show him the picture with Stalin, Churchill and the US president whose name I forget.

julianbozikovic | 20

#6187851 - Friday 30 January 2015 17:23

I think it was Roosevelt who was in that picture...if my memory still works haha!

FieldLeftBlank | 20

#6187860 - Friday 30 January 2015 17:32

Imagine what'll happen when he shows him a picture of Stalin on the moon.

lilybadilly25 | 15

#6187949 - Friday 30 January 2015 19:08

Easy, #4..! It's photoshopped! Ha!

noah_1234 | 24

#6188868 - Saturday 31 January 2015 20:50

#16 it was president woodrow wilson

DaDezza244 | 31

#6257729 - Thursday 9 April 2015 19:04

It was President Roosevelt and later Truman. Woodrow Wilson was president in ww1

By whatcase | 16

#6187824 - Friday 30 January 2015 17:08

How did he make it onto a university?

GGFeminist | 1

#6188388 - Saturday 31 January 2015 6:38

its because collage admissions are biased in favor of males

By Kiki242 | 19

#6187828 - Friday 30 January 2015 17:09

Conspiracy theories....

nietzche | 8

#6189938 - Monday 2 February 2015 5:57

True theories*

caleb_9756 | 14

#6190030 - Monday 2 February 2015 9:00

Stalin? Real.

Moon landing? Ehh... I don't think so..

By kingkobrastrikes | 13

#6187830 - Friday 30 January 2015 17:10

Well it looks like you have your job cut out for you, teach! Hopefully this student knows more than they put on.

BasedgodFYB | 8

#6189342 - Sunday 1 February 2015 7:54

More than they LET on

By Ashwathi | 21

#6187831 - Friday 30 January 2015 17:10

That's when I wonder how these kids get into a University...

By purelymixed | 17

#6187838 - Friday 30 January 2015 17:14

Wait, what?

jerryj | 27

#6187846 - Friday 30 January 2015 17:19

With the time you took to type this, you could have re-read the FML to try to make better sense of what little there is ;)

purelymixed | 17

#6187936 - Friday 30 January 2015 18:45

What?

xninix_fml | 36

#6187963 - Friday 30 January 2015 19:23

@31 get out.

purelymixed | 17

#6188017 - Friday 30 January 2015 21:00

Wait

grimpeeper | 13

#6190416 - Monday 2 February 2015 19:57

Stay out.

By Philintheblankz | 14

#6187839 - Friday 30 January 2015 17:15

Your student was Putin on a show. Clearly he's Stalin on his Sputnik project.