Miscellaneous: Today, I received a 7 page text message during school from my... - FML

Nearly

01/10/2021 22:55

Today, I just had the best sex in all my life. After that, my ex-girlfriend dumped me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14

You deserved it 2

28/09/2021 01:05

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 78

You deserved it 5

Spicy

Spicy

Weird flex, but OK

By Anonymous - 17/10/2021 08:01

Spicy

Today, I’m aware that comparing yourself too much to other people can make you unhappy. I now learned that the same goes for comparing yourself to objects. For example, between myself and the shared toilet in my student house, guess who has the most pubic hair? FML

I agree, your life sucks 336

You deserved it 88

Nice try, though

By Anonymous - 16/10/2021 20:00

Spicy

Today, I bought a $100 Victoria's Secret gift card for an ex who I still have a thing for, only to find out she started dating someone else a week ago. I just realized I bought lingerie for her to wear for someone else. FML

I agree, your life sucks 136

You deserved it 1 193

09/10/2010 04:39

Today, I received a 7 page text message during school from my mom yelling at me because I ate her cereal. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 874

You deserved it 5 915

Triage

But there's panic on the streets of Carlisle

Pride and joy

Need help

By onwardsandupwards - 21/01/2020 14:00

Today, I went to the cemetery to visit a friend. As I was looking for his burial plot, I fell into a dug out grave and had to call my partner to come help me get out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 933

You deserved it 434

Vicious

By Anonymous - 29/06/2020 08:08

Today, I broke up with my boyfriend of 5 years after finally realizing I'm a lesbian. He then outed me to my very religious and conservative family. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 747

You deserved it 873

18/09/2012 04:35

Today, I received the heels I'll be wearing at my best friend's wedding. The bride ordered them for us to match the dresses. They're six-inch platform heels. I have three broken toes and am still wearing a boot. The wedding is next weekend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 291

You deserved it 2 071

03/12/2011 01:35

Today, my husband and I went to my overbearing mom's 57th birthday party. He opened his gift in front of her and said smugly, "The makeup's for your face, and the prayer book's for the fat rolls." Any hope of family peace is now lost. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 851

You deserved it 3 728

Losing

By unemployed and bereaved - 25/11/2013 05:03

Today, my boss claimed that I've been lying to get days off because apparently nobody can be so unlucky as to have three family members die within a month. I'm just that unlucky, and suspended. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 563

You deserved it 2 814

Honk if you Love Me!

By Anonymous - 27/07/2021 16:01

Today, I'm so lonely that I get happy when I get attention from car drivers when they honk at me for driving too slowly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 625

You deserved it 208

20/06/2015 20:54

Today, I realized I'm pregnant by a man who won't even accept my Facebook friend request. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 043

You deserved it 20 300

07/04/2016 09:19

Today, my old boss stiffed me on a large sum of money he owes me. I tried to contact him and point out that he legally owes me the money, but he won't answer his texts or his phone, and the managers say he changes the subject whenever they bring it up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 118

You deserved it 1 476

13/04/2013 04:25

Today, I uploaded a cute photo of my boyfriend and me on Facebook. Ten minutes later, his friend commented: "Dude! You're supposed to capture the Snorlax, not date it!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 624

You deserved it 14 686

01/05/2011 03:16

Today, the lease on my house ended and I finished moving in with my girlfriend. After everything was moved in, she broke up with me. Hello homelessness. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 582

You deserved it 4 137

21/02/2011 21:07

Today, I finally taught my mom how to text message people. Now I get a message from her every 30 seconds saying "Hi". FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 330

You deserved it 15 806

31/07/2019 12:00

Today, I finally managed to get my electrician boyfriend to agree to replace our old lights, after a year of asking. Saturday, he couldn't be bothered and Sunday he came down with a mysterious man flu. This is about the 10th time this has happened. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 498

You deserved it 286

02/07/2011 04:46

Today, I found a very large pumpkin super-glued to my car. It will not come off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 784

You deserved it 3 565

23/07/2011 04:05

Today, my husband, who is in the Navy, had a couple of his sailor friends over to hang out. The stereotype about their swearing is true. My two year old now won't stop saying "Fuck." FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 606

You deserved it 5 250

30/04/2014 21:51

Spicy

Today, the only thing I got for my birthday was my boyfriend's offer to give me "the gift of anal". FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 466

You deserved it 5 493

14/10/2012 14:57

Today, I walked into the kitchen at 5 am, to have my 7 and 9 year olds throw a bucket of water on me. To their surprise and horror, I didn't melt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 021

You deserved it 3 584

23/06/2009 05:04

Today, at work I got told off by my manager for texting while working. Enraged by this, I trash talked her to the new girl at work. The new girl, a.k.a. my manager's daughter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 134

You deserved it 68 720

16/02/2019 00:00

Today, while trying to sleep after a night shift, workers came to hook up city sewage service, firing up drills and shouting. An hour later, my child woke me up to tattle on her sister. Just as I was drifting to sleep yet again, the smoke alarm battery started chirping. I give up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 253

You deserved it 206

17/02/2014 22:41

Today, the parent of a student called to ask me about a homework assignment. At the end of the call, she told me that I seem to be losing my "Asian accent" from when she first talked to me in the summer. I was born in the US, grew up in NJ and speak perfect English. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 815

You deserved it 3 370

21/08/2011 00:08

Spicy

Today, I learned the hard way that when a pierced, tattooed, and otherwise extremely stereotypical biker chick jokingly threatens to find you and beat you up if you don't call her back after a one-night stand, she's not actually joking. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 067

You deserved it 49 432

Bougie

By Anonymous - 27/03/2021 08:01

Today, I went to the Louis Vuitton store to repair the broken handle on my handbag. Upon review, they told me that my handbag was not an authentic Louis Vuitton. I essentially paid $1600 for a fake that I can no longer use. FML

I agree, your life sucks 469

You deserved it 1 351

03/10/2010 22:24

Today, I put my good shoes out the window and on the roof to dry out because they were sopping wet. When I went to check them later on, they were still wet. And soaked in bird poop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 125

You deserved it 26 977

11/02/2010 05:13

Today, I was listening to my favorite radio station outta Detroit. A commercial came on for a program that was giving federal grants to people who were going into a trade, like me. Right as I was getting excited I heard the words "brought to you by the government of Canada." FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 771

You deserved it 5 601

04/12/2009 12:48

Spicy

Today, I tried to send my boyfriend a sexy picture. I took a close up picture of my face, and, trying to be sexy, had my naked body reflected on a mirror in the background. First thing he says: "Who the hell is that guy in the background?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 238

You deserved it 6 813

Today, on Maury…

By MIA - 15/09/2019 06:03

Today, my husband of four years finally told me he has an eight-year-old son. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 002

You deserved it 159

One law for me…

By P057M4N - 01/10/2020 04:02

Today, my co-worker called out for the sixth time in 2 weeks with no reason, while my manager was out until noon. It was just the three of us in my department. He’s had 0 repercussions and has been doing this for months. They threatened to fire me for taking 5 minutes in the bathroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 264

You deserved it 65

30/04/2011 01:00

Today, my mom paid $40 for overnight shipping on delivery of paint for my Art major dropout sister, but insists on making me wait two weeks for my diabetes medication. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 861

You deserved it 3 201

02/09/2014 23:38

Today, my sister introduced me to her new, deaf boyfriend. She proudly proclaimed that she was trying to learn sign language for his sake, so he wouldn't have to read her lips. I'm also deaf and have been trying to get her to do the same for me for 20 goddamn years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 633

You deserved it 3 102

There goes the neighborhood

By Lorky - 08/05/2020 02:00

Today, I received an email from the office of the apartment complex I moved into two months ago. Apparently, a woman a few apartments down from mine was murdered. Time to pack. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 398

You deserved it 111

Lockdown blues

By Sed4life - 12/03/2021 05:01

Today, I realized just how small and boring my life has become when the highlight of my week was an "epic quest" to the edge of the lockdown limit, to visit the only store with my favorite toothpaste. They didn't even have any in stock. FML

I agree, your life sucks 758

You deserved it 118

17/12/2009 16:38

Today, I got in an elevator at a hotel. Just as the door was closing, somebody banged into the door and stuck their hand through. I yelled, "What, are you retarded?!" The doors then opened to reveal a mentally handicapped boy with his parents standing behind him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 086

You deserved it 54 558

Hello?

By Anonymous - 19/03/2015 05:35

Today, after a 16-hour work day, I came home to my husband. I talked to him for about 10 minutes, then realized that he wasn't answering me but had his headset on and was talking on Xbox live. Not even playing a game, just talking. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 484

You deserved it 4 154

23/01/2013 23:33

Today, I took a taxi ride with my friends. As we were getting out, I paid the taxi driver. With a grin, he drove away fast. It turns out my friend had already paid. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 863

You deserved it 7 546

02/01/2013 10:34

Spicy

Today, my husband came home with a bunch of realistic-looking wigs for women. When I asked them what they were for, he said he wanted to spice up our sex life with them. When I told him I refused to wear a wig, he said in a very serious tone that I wasn't going to be the one wearing them, he was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 157

You deserved it 6 988

09/09/2010 14:00

Today, my cousin came to visit from America. While out shopping, she said loudly that she was having trouble finding clothes to fit around her huge fanny, causing a lot of people to stare in our direction. I had to explain to her that "fanny" in the UK means "vagina." FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 474

You deserved it 4 462

05/08/2019 12:00

Spicy

Today, I told my mum that the reason I hadn't contacted her for 3 days was that my internet was broken, when in reality I'd gone off for a dirty weekend with the guy I'm having sex with. I forgot my older sister worked for my internet provider. FML

I agree, your life sucks 660

You deserved it 2 143

09/08/2009 12:42

Today, it was my turn to have the trophy my baseball team won a few weeks ago. I then find out that my brother and his buddies thought it would be funny to fill the trophy up with beer, drink the beer, and then pee in it. Not only is it over 50yrs old, it stinks of pee and is due back tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 937

You deserved it 4 364

03/07/2010 04:49

Today, I was horseback riding. Somebody yelled something behind me, so I turned around. Next thing I know, I am on the ground and my head is killing me. It turns out I ran into a tree branch. The person behind me simply said, "Watch out." FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 585

You deserved it 8 244

08/10/2013 02:08

Today, being so desperate for money, I accepted a job in which I get shot at with paintballs for 6 hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 107

You deserved it 5 271

Baker's dozen

By Glenn - 21/03/2021 13:01

Today, my dad undermined my life's work. I finally opened my own bakery, but my dad told me it's a "sissies job" since it doesn't involve manual labour like he did for 50 years and I'll probably go out of business, because no one will want cakes from a 6 foot 8 man with tattoos, piercings and a shaved head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 735

You deserved it 104

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Saturday 9 October 2010 15:58

hahahaha! you should have wrote back "yum"

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Saturday 9 October 2010 15:54

don't eat her cereal then?

Comments

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Saturday 9 October 2010 15:54

don't eat her cereal then?

KingDingALing 9

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Saturday 9 October 2010 16:02

Ok? So? This is a stupid fml.

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Saturday 9 October 2010 16:04

agree with #1. have egg on toast instead!

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Saturday 9 October 2010 16:19

ooh dayum. chu don't eat momma's cereal

HahaHokayThen 10

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Saturday 9 October 2010 18:20

She totally deserved it. You know not to eat your moms cereal. Or she will CUT you.

KylaaKatastrophe 0

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Saturday 9 October 2010 18:50

... I once ate the last of my mom's cereal. When she found out she drove me to the store and made me go in and get some more cereal. In my pajamas.

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Saturday 9 October 2010 19:23

At least it wasn't a Howler...

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Saturday 9 October 2010 21:03

Haha this FML post made me laugh so hard! xD

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Sunday 10 October 2010 2:30

YDI you ate her cerial

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Sunday 10 October 2010 2:43

OP, ur mother needs to grow up, in India mothers can starve for their children let alone get angry over such stupid cereal thing

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Sunday 10 October 2010 3:05

Your life is fine. You have a mom, a phone, and food. Shut up and be happy. YDI for complaining.

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Sunday 10 October 2010 6:32

YOU CANT YELL IN TEXTS! DAMN YOU MUST be StUpId!!

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Sunday 10 October 2010 6:37

your mom is kuckoo for cocoa puffs!!!!

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Friday 26 November 2010 5:47

was it CEREALLY a seven page text?

montressa_FML 0

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Saturday 28 May 2011 8:06

fatty

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Saturday 9 October 2010 15:54

wow. that's really stupid. why would she care?!

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Saturday 9 October 2010 19:45

at least you have friends

MadPercussion 0

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Sunday 10 October 2010 6:32

'cause she's fat.

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Sunday 10 October 2010 17:46

74, win

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Saturday 9 October 2010 15:58

hahahaha! you should have wrote back "yum"

tchaikovsky93 0

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Saturday 9 October 2010 16:55

Hahahahahahahhagagagagagagaagagagag!!!!!!!!!

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Saturday 9 October 2010 17:11

3, WIN :D

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Saturday 9 October 2010 17:14

win!!

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Saturday 9 October 2010 19:25

win!!!

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Saturday 9 October 2010 20:37

haha <3

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Saturday 9 October 2010 15:59

what are you doing eating women cereal??

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Saturday 9 October 2010 16:01

Stuoid bitch mom, trix are for kids!

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Saturday 9 October 2010 16:04

I don't like to share food either -_-

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Saturday 9 October 2010 16:11

It'd be hilarious if your teacher took away the phone and read the text message out loud to the class. But you didn't say she did, so I can't see how this is an FML.

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Saturday 9 October 2010 16:13

LMAO, THIS IS THE BEST FML EVER! YOUR MOTHER IS A MONSTER FOR CEREL!

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Saturday 9 October 2010 16:15

JOEY DOES NOT SHARE FOOD!!! :-) lol, tell your mom to buy enough cereal for both of you. Problem solved.

mona_is_here 10

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Saturday 9 October 2010 16:18

Could have been worse. My mum can yell at me if I don't reply to her on Facebook.