Today, I realized the sweet, sensitive girl I was talking to...

By jquaw - 28/9/2014 17:12 - Canada - Brockville

Today, I realized the sweet, sensitive girl I was talking to on a dating site was actually my brother trolling me for fun. FML

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Love

White line fever

DINOSAURS!!

Business savvy

By Anonymous - 7/11/2010 22:07 - Israel

Today, I was told by my neighbors that my guitar playing sounded a dying cat. FML

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By depressedskatergirl - 7/2/2015 02:35 - United States - Philadelphia

Today, I had a big figure skating competition. Many of the girls before me fell or did not execute their jumps correctly. Me? I skated a flawless program. I was placed last because they said I didn't push myself hard enough to the point of falling. FML

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By Juanna - 13/1/2010 08:07 - United States

Today, I went on a blind date. We were walking in the park and I noticed a funny smell. I looked down and realized I stepped in dog crap. I tried to nonchalantly rub it off on the grass, but instead hit a patch of wet grass and slipped onto my butt, right into a pile of goose poop. FML

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By 11niko - 2/2/2012 04:57 - United States

Today, I tried to treat a cut on my butt hole with Neosporin. I couldn't see it properly, so I had to use the front-facing camera on my phone. FML

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By amythest - 13/2/2012 00:18 - United Kingdom

Today, even though she can barely deal with raising kids, my 19-year-old sister announced her fourth pregnancy, by a fourth man, of yet another race. Why? Because she wants to "be like Angelina Jolie." I fear that social services may laugh at me if I tell them. FML

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By Girl-with-the-glasses - 11/4/2012 07:34 - Australia - Sydney

Today, I found out about my old school's class reunion, which I wasn't invited to. Everyone has my number and e-mail address. They just "forgot" to tell me. FML

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By spandexwiener - 18/8/2012 16:27 - United States - Export

Today, I finally finished my summer assignments for three AP classes. My schedule also arrived. Turns out my school can't place me in any of them, and I just wasted the last four weeks of my summer. FML

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By Dying Son - 5/4/2019 12:00

Today, as I was sitting on a bench thinking about an upcoming test, some hysterical woman slapped me out of nowhere because she thought I was staring at her ass. I was staring blankly into the void. FML

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By JustAnotherFML23 - 4/9/2013 01:32 - United States - Seattle

Today, my loneliness reached a new level when I befriended the fly in my apartment, Mr. Stickyfoot. FML

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By The Last One - 11/3/2012 06:39 - Canada

Today, in the locker room at work, someone tried writing "douche bag" on my locker, and misspelled it four times before apparently giving up. FML

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By as-salamu alaykum, motherfucker - 5/4/2014 22:04 - United Kingdom - Birkenhead

Today, I was having my birthday party. My dad showed up late, blind drunk, and drove his car straight through my garage door. FML

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By FMeRight? - 28/12/2016 20:15 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my boyfriend finally proposed to me in front of his whole family with the ring his mother had helped him pick out. Two hours later, I found emails of nudes from another women that had been sent to him a week prior, on his phone. Our flight for home leaves in a week. FML

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By demotivator - 2/11/2014 21:38 - Romania - Timisoara

Today, I finally got off my lazy ass and start studying for my upcoming exam. It was going pretty well, until my classmate called and after I proudly told him about my sudden motivation, the only thing he had to say was, "You got the date wrong, the exam was on thursday." FML

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By laurenmay - 6/3/2009 23:11 - United States

Today, I was working at Target when an old woman asked me if I could help her find her favorite bra. I asked what brand it was when she replied "I'll check the tag". She lifted up the front of her shirt, and flipped one cup of her bra inside out. I saw everything. FML

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By Anonymous - 7/11/2009 00:29 - United States

Today, I'm a 19 year old college student in NYC, it's Friday night and I'm sitting alone on my bed in my dorm room, talking to my mother on facebook chat. Then she stopped responding. Turns out even my mother has better things to do on Friday night. FML

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By Anonymous - 11/2/2017 22:00 - United States - Greensburg

Today, I was on my way to college when I got in a car wreck with none other than my professor. My car was totaled and couldn't drive, but his could so I missed class, but he still made it. The end result? He marked me as an "unexcused absence" and gave me a zero. The accident was his fault. FML

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By Pain_intolerant - 11/3/2011 14:11 - Canada

Today, I caught my finger in a sliding door. It made me pass out and give myself a concussion. My genetics would rather slam my face into the floor than deal with a pinched finger. FML

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By skidmark - 8/12/2011 14:48 - United States

Today, while standing completely still at Walmart, I was hit by a drunk man on a Jazzy Scooter. He laughed, said it was an accident, gunned the scooter and took out two more people. FML

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By tellingthetruth - 21/3/2012 16:25 - United Kingdom - Studley

Today, the subject of penis size came up while my boyfriend and I were chatting. He asked if he was big, and I replied that whatever size he was, he was enough to satisfy me. Apparently, that was the wrong answer, and he spent the rest of the night sulking because I didn't say he was enormous. FML

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By Anonymous - 15/5/2019 03:10

Today, I was playing beer pong at a party and managed to get the ball in a cup. I jumped a little bit in excitement and somehow managed to fracture my foot while doing so. FML

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By Anonymous - 5/2/2012 20:41 - Canada

Today, I pulled into a parking lot and waited for a car to back out so I could take their spot. The apparently batshit insane psychopath in the other car managed to completely overlook me waving him out, and backed straight into my car. FML

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By Happyforeverx - 25/10/2009 15:30 - United Arab Emirates

Today, I kept restarting my internet, wondering why I wasn't receiving any messages from my friends. Then I realized they were all ignoring me. FML

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By short&stout - 26/8/2017 20:00

Today, I took the kids to the pool. I'm short and 20lbs overweight but they talked me into it and I put on a swimsuit for the first time in 10 years. As soon as we got there, a girl my height but a good 150lbs heavier said, "It's so nice to see another big girl in a two-piece!" FML

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By France Howell - 10/5/2018 15:00

Today, I rushed my wife to the ER because she was having abdominal pains. She was crying in the car and very faintly said, "If I die, our daughter goes to my sister and they get everything in my will." We later found out she was just having a bad gas problem. FML

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By Anonymous - 23/6/2012 14:23 - Canada

Today, I told my girlfriend I love her for the first time. She said, "Thanks." FML

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By Sunny - 18/9/2013 22:59 - Canada - Ottawa

Today, every time I write the word "analyst," I can't help but giggle because it begins with "anal." I'm 24, and studying to be a conflict analyst. FML

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By bevo - 26/8/2010 02:09 - Australia

Today, my date and I went to the movies. After the date, we were both on an instant chat room at our homes. Her personal message displayed "I think I love my ex again." FML

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By Anonymous - 23/12/2015 15:48 - India - Mumbai

Today, I threw a punch at my sensei like he told me to, except he failed to block it like he assured me he would. Now I'm banned from his classes and I'm pretty sure he's going to get the police involved. FML

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By nohalloweenforus - 31/10/2016 15:22

Today, it's Halloween and my boss changed his mind at the last minute, telling us we're no longer allowed to carve pumpkins in our lunch hour because, "It would be too distracting". What are we supposed to do with 12 pumpkins now? FML

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By stranded - 19/5/2011 11:46 - United States

Today, my car ran out of gas. I was 20 feet away from the gas pump and the only person I could ask for help was the attendant, who'd asked me out a week ago. I'd said no, and so did he. FML

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By nobleach - 2/7/2009 14:05 - United States

Today, I decided I was going to bleach my bikini line, as I have not been able to shave there due to some ingrown hairs, and I also have to lifeguard every day. As it turns out, I'm allergic to the bleach. There is now an angry red, burning rash on my crotch that you can see around my swimsuit. FML

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By pinkfreak94 - 13/10/2012 13:38 - United States - Norwalk

Today, I kissed a boy for the first time in over a year. It was at drama club practice, and he quickly ended up asking the director if we could remove that scene from the play. FML

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By peepa - 10/9/2017 04:30

Today, I finished my last day of job training. At the beginning, the boss had told us to ask as many questions as possible. I was fired because I asked too many questions. FML

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By say dump him and i'll kill you - 29/12/2012 00:50 - United Kingdom - Soham

Today, proving that there's no limit to the stupid shit people will do, my husband called me from hospital, needing a lift home. He tried planking on top of his car while his buddies sped it down a hill, and I now have to take care of him while his broken leg heals. FML

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By Anonymous - 17/1/2015 19:00 - United States - Bowler

Today, my girlfriend asked me not to love her so much, so she doesn't have to try so hard to match my love for her. What the fuck? FML

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By awkwardsituation - 11/7/2010 08:05 - United States

Today, I watched a stray dog hump a garden gnome in my front yard. So did my two year old daughter. I've already had to stop her "re-enactments" twice. FML

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By Sky - 16/1/2017 22:00

Today, it's the 6th day that we have been snowed in. We haven't left the house, because we can't. I've done at least 30 hours of Legos. FML

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By Mike - 17/12/2009 16:38 - United States

Today, I got in an elevator at a hotel. Just as the door was closing, somebody banged into the door and stuck their hand through. I yelled, "What, are you retarded?!" The doors then opened to reveal a mentally handicapped boy with his parents standing behind him. FML

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By Stigmamma - 28/6/2020 05:06

Taking advantage

Today, after 3 months of my man claiming he's going to start eating better "next week", he finally went on a diet. What changed? I started eating healthy while trying for a baby. He is "supporting me" by getting me to do extra meal prep for him too. FML

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By dislocated - 14/2/2018 20:30

How romantic!

Today, my boyfriend dislocated my jaw by sitting on my face while trying to fart on it. FML

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Top comments

By Pleonasm | 34

#6076345 - Sunday 28 September 2014 23:11

The heart wants what it wants right?

By imyy | 20

#6076407 - Monday 29 September 2014 0:11

At least they weren't sexting - now THAT would've been awkward :-)

Comments

By nikkipettyfer | 24

#6076343 - Sunday 28 September 2014 23:11

That's awkward

imyy | 20

#6076407 - Monday 29 September 2014 0:11

At least they weren't sexting - now THAT would've been awkward :-)

russfml | 31

#6076420 - Monday 29 September 2014 0:31

Who said they weren't lol

TheTacoMan | 24

#6076861 - Monday 29 September 2014 14:29

Date your brother OP!

Mr_Saikaly | 35

#6076957 - Monday 29 September 2014 16:28

Payback time!

By DaMann360 | 19

#6076344 - Sunday 28 September 2014 23:11

The really question is, is this comment going to be the first one?

redstone7693 | 29

#6076813 - Monday 29 September 2014 13:43

What did this comment say to get moderated?

By Pleonasm | 34

#6076345 - Sunday 28 September 2014 23:11

The heart wants what it wants right?

evilamoebaattack | 20

#6076356 - Sunday 28 September 2014 23:15

the way to a man's heart is through his stomach... or through his sibling

MarshalR | 11

#6076869 - Monday 29 September 2014 14:41

Good thing you figured out before it turned into an episode of Catfish

By thedeej | 10

#6076346 - Sunday 28 September 2014 23:11

Sorry to hear. Sucks that your brothers an ass.

kingdomgirl94 | 28

#6076380 - Sunday 28 September 2014 23:32

His brother clearly needs to be beaten.

sayyestothedress | 24

#6076464 - Monday 29 September 2014 1:51

No shot Sherlock!

mathen | 9

#6076473 - Monday 29 September 2014 2:11

Is No in prison?

rhysfucker | 24

#6076479 - Monday 29 September 2014 2:31

Brother's

sayyestothedress | 24

#6076530 - Monday 29 September 2014 4:18

*shit

By ShadowlessSpear | 21

#6076347 - Sunday 28 September 2014 23:11

Wincest!

rainbowdog | 17

#6076389 - Sunday 28 September 2014 23:44

No, just no.

ShadowlessSpear | 21

#6076423 - Monday 29 September 2014 0:35

Yes, just yes.

ahippienamedrae | 10

#6076454 - Monday 29 September 2014 1:27

That's disgusting

tournamentdecide | 33

#6076495 - Monday 29 September 2014 3:01

Why? Just why?

ShadowlessSpear | 21

#6076500 - Monday 29 September 2014 3:11

Because, wincest.

sarah5745 | 41

#6076567 - Monday 29 September 2014 5:03

Please stop..

cryssycakesx3 | 22

#6076632 - Monday 29 September 2014 6:21

well this thread didn't go the way you thought...

laden_swallow09 | 34

#6076664 - Monday 29 September 2014 7:05

Your /b/ is showing, 5. Cover that shit up. It's nothing to be proud of.

By MentalMonkey333 | 7

#6076350 - Sunday 28 September 2014 23:13

Time to figure out how to get him back now!

cryssycakesx3 | 22

#6076633 - Monday 29 September 2014 6:22

that's childish for an ex...

By Sports_guy3 | 28

#6076351 - Sunday 28 September 2014 23:14

Brotherly love at its finest.

Welshite | 39

#6076355 - Sunday 28 September 2014 23:15

Yeah, but they didn't have to make it official.

Sports_guy3 | 28

#6076370 - Sunday 28 September 2014 23:23

True, true

By okay33 | 12

#6076354 - Sunday 28 September 2014 23:14

At least he was being sweet and sensitive...

LittleBells | 17

#6076539 - Monday 29 September 2014 4:38

Its what a lot of girls want?

laden_swallow09 | 34

#6076665 - Monday 29 September 2014 7:06

Sure. Want to put in the friendzone, that is.

Sports_guy3 | 28

#6077485 - Tuesday 30 September 2014 5:34

Matter of opinion

By DaMann360 | 19

#6076358 - Sunday 28 September 2014 23:16

What does it mean for a comment to be being moderated?

OhWhoCares | 42

#6076363 - Sunday 28 September 2014 23:19

I'm not 100% sure so don't quote me on this, but I think it means the comment was moderated.....

By sarah5745 | 41

#6076361 - Sunday 28 September 2014 23:16

Well at least he was being sweet..