Love: Today, I realized the sweet, sensitive girl I was talking to...

Nearly

28/09/2021 01:05

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53

You deserved it 5

27/09/2021 06:27

Today, I have to get up and go to work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57

You deserved it 103

Spicy

Nice try, though

By Anonymous - 16/10/2021 20:00

Today, I bought a $100 Victoria's Secret gift card for an ex who I still have a thing for, only to find out she started dating someone else a week ago. I just realized I bought lingerie for her to wear for someone else. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 9

Unfriended

By thethrowawayplace - 15/10/2021 17:00

Today, my friend was watching a black guy getting yelled at by the cops on TV. He then decided to yell, "Wow, ni***** really don't know how to behave!" When I didn't react, he yelled it over and over, until I slunk into my room. He knows I'm part black. FML

I agree, your life sucks 697

You deserved it 112

28/09/2014 17:12

Today, I realized the sweet, sensitive girl I was talking to on a dating site was actually my brother trolling me for fun. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 551

You deserved it 6 154

Love

Another great day to be alive

Own it

Sorry…

19/09/2009 21:36

Today, I saw a YouTube video of a guy scratching a knife and a screwdriver on his iPod, and at the end he showed how there were no scratches and the screen was still clean. I took my iPod touch and did the same with a knife. It didn't work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 294

You deserved it 268 477

25/01/2016 01:24

Today, I was leaving the house to go on a date. My dad stopped me at the door and said confidently, "Tear that pussy up, son." I'm gay and my dad knows that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 859

You deserved it 5 005

16/09/2014 16:20

Today, I'm at that age where sitting down carries a 50/50 chance of turning my balls into scrambled eggs, a fact confirmed yet again today. Third time this week. I think it's time to switch to briefs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 310

You deserved it 4 462

Grossed out

By Jodi Sanford - 09/10/2021 11:01

Today, I asked my roommate to spit in the toilet instead of the sink so I wouldn't have to touch it. When I rinsed the sink after brushing my teeth, he said, "Why would you touch the sink? It’s gross." FML

I agree, your life sucks 556

You deserved it 244

31/12/2011 09:21

Today, I got circumcised by my girlfriend's braces. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 815

You deserved it 12 200

07/03/2011 19:04

Today, my five year old son decided to move all my stuffed animals I have around the house, into sex positions and massive orgies. What have I been teaching my son lately? FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 434

You deserved it 46 136

17/04/2009 04:11

Today, the police posted a description of the car of a child abductor. As everyone slowed down to read the billboard, I realized that the car's description and license plate were very similar to mine. After getting death stares from passengers, I got pulled over. Twice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 434

You deserved it 2 693

06/04/2009 05:07

Today, I had a really cute waitress at lunch. I decided to leave my number and a $50 bill for a $15 check. When I left the restaurant I realized I still had the $50 but a $1 bill was missing from my wallet. I've been getting threatening text messages all day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 470

You deserved it 63 492

26/06/2009 22:03

Today, I got marinara sauce on my new white shirt. I went in my desk for my Tide-To-Go pen and started using it on the spot. Turns out orange highlighters look a lot like Tide-To-Go pens when you don't look closely enough. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 552

You deserved it 50 498

14/04/2012 22:19

Today, despite the fact that I'm really sick, my mom insisted that I come home and help babysit my cousins this weekend. When I got there, everyone else took off to do "errands," leaving me with three hyperactive, howler monkey-like children to deal with. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 107

You deserved it 2 842

18/09/2018 14:00

Today, I tried to let out a small fart in a crowded restaurant. I had diarrhea. I walked past several families to get to the bathroom and clean myself up, only to still go home with a huge wet spot down my ass. My shirt wasn't long enough to hide it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 670

You deserved it 840

16/12/2012 23:51

Today, at a Christmas party, my crush came up to me and cutely pointed out that I was standing under mistletoe. The only response my stupid brain could think of was, "Probably full of nargles though." He gave me a confused look and walked away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 081

You deserved it 14 995

Classic

By Daniel - 09/08/2021 16:01

Today, at work, I casually mentioned I was meeting some friends for dinner. My co-worker's response was, "You have friends?!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 808

You deserved it 74

27/11/2017 15:00

Today, I tried to get a funny reaction from my dogs with a fart, like I saw in a YouTube video. I shat my pants and the dogs didn't even notice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 095

You deserved it 3 892

16/08/2012 21:09

Today, while at the grocery store, I saw my mother. I thought it would be funny to scare her by sneaking up and grabbing her ass. Not only was it not my mom, I left the place with a ban from ever returning to that store. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 636

You deserved it 47 538

04/11/2018 12:00

Today, my son watched some ridiculous Japanese cartoon about shokugeki cooking and is convinced he's the greatest cook ever by copying what happens in the show. He set fire to my frying pan, panicked, and dumped it in the ceramic sink, which cracked from the heat and flooded my kitchen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 011

You deserved it 340

18/02/2010 09:48

Today, my roommate will fall asleep to Muppet Treasure Island. We sleep 3 feet away from each other and he has been doing this since Christmas. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 634

You deserved it 2 857

04/05/2016 16:39

Today, my family savagely mocked me to the point of tears, all for using "big", "fancy" words like "accommodations" and "hospitality". FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 296

You deserved it 1 453

24/11/2014 18:47

Today, I decided to check out a dating site, when I stumbled across my ex wife's profile. She'd had it for four out of the five years of our marriage. And no, it didn't rate us as a good match. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 743

You deserved it 3 842

Assumptions part 27674

By dads can’t cook? - 17/03/2021 21:30

Today, I was messaging a new friend when she mentioned her dad was cooking dinner that night. I jokingly texted, “Oh no! I’m sorry!” Turns out her dad is a professional chef. FML

I agree, your life sucks 254

You deserved it 1 085

25/11/2018 15:30

Today, I realized it isn’t my 5-month-old son who has the issue sleeping without me, it is I who cannot sleep without him. This is his first night in his crib and I can’t fall asleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 578

You deserved it 610

11/12/2011 01:35

Today, I was getting dressed in my bedroom with the blinds open and had nothing covering my top half. I thought my neighbours wouldn't be able to see in through all the trees, that was until I heard someone wolf whistle and one of my neighbours running away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 434

You deserved it 32 077

07/08/2019 00:01

Today, I was at a baseball game. This kid in front of me had binoculars and was constantly shouting. Trying to amuse the girl next to me, I leaned over and said, "That kid probably has wet dreams about baseball." She got up and said to the kid, "Come on honey, we're leaving." FML

I agree, your life sucks 558

You deserved it 3 343

12/02/2009 12:14

Today, I'm in Spain, and told the kids with whom I will be working that I was excited to be working with them. Only the form of excitement I used apparently refers to sexual excitement. Basically, I told the kids I was sexually aroused to be working with them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 150

You deserved it 14 294

13/01/2016 07:46

Today, I dreamed a rat crawled up from the toilet and attacked me. Now I'm afraid to even enter the bathroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 139

You deserved it 3 758

09/05/2014 17:24

Today, the creepy kid who sits behind me in English class decided that sniffing my hair wasn't disturbing enough for his liking, so he tried something new: popping one of the pimples on my neck. When I reacted in horror, all he could say was, "It looked pretty..." FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 736

You deserved it 4 729

Still a better love story than The Matrix

By Anonymous - 15/08/2021 20:01

Today, my wife quit her job, not wanting to go back to in person at her office, to be a stay-at-home mom. Tomorrow, for my birthday, I was going to tell her that I'm not in love with her, have found an apartment, and signed a 2-year lease. I can't afford the apartment, mortgage, and the kids tuition. FML

I agree, your life sucks 363

You deserved it 1 400

14/09/2010 18:32

Today, I fell asleep in my math class. Turns out I sleep walk. I woke up at the front of the room with chalk in my hand, scribbles on the board behind me, and the whole class laughing at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 549

You deserved it 8 358

18/08/2009 16:25

Today, my boyfriend and I went on our 2nd date. We decided to get to know each other with a game. I asked him what makes him nervous. He said "talking to really attractive girls." I then asked him if I was making him nervous. He said no. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 241

You deserved it 15 755

18/09/2012 20:06

Today, my sister walked into my room, saying her boyfriend "forgot something." She then reached under my bed and pulled out a pair of boxers and a condom wrapper. Her response to my disgust was, "My bed was dirty." FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 751

You deserved it 2 470

23/03/2013 11:43

Today, I lost my dog and so I put up 'lost' signs. As I was coming back home I noticed one had been written on. It said: "Found your dog. Keeping it". FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 171

You deserved it 3 473

16/06/2012 13:57

Today, my sister called me and asked if my boyfriend of 3 years had proposed to me yet. And now the surprise is ruined. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 470

You deserved it 3 038

16/11/2009 03:00

Today, I waited for 20 minutes to get a cab outside grand central station in New York (it was raining). Finally, to my relief, I found a cab but when I got in I let a little fart slip. Two minutes later the cabby kicked me out of his cab because I stunk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 682

You deserved it 30 350

31/08/2011 06:24

Today, my boyfriend wouldn't have sex with me because he doesn't want his mom "watching from heaven." FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 599

You deserved it 7 843

18/06/2011 05:13

Today, I was holding my drunken friend's hair while she threw up in the toilet at a party. She said, crying, "Y'don't have to do this..." I told her that that's what friends are for. She replied, "Yeah, but I did sleep with your boyfriend..." FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 461

You deserved it 3 841

Call the police

By Anonymous - 10/06/2021 22:00

Today, I was looking at my pictures and there are none of me and my boyfriend together. The only photographic evidence of our relationship are pictures of bruises he has given me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 020

You deserved it 210

Time flies by

By Anonymous - 18/02/2021 16:59

Today, long after ten years ago when I answered the door to someone asking if my mummy and daddy were home, and I was 24 and it was my house, I just now got asked if my 30 year-old sister was my daughter. Time has not been kind to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 869

You deserved it 96

28/07/2019 20:00

Today, I had to give a massage to my ex-girlfriend's new boyfriend as they got a couples’ massage. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 033

You deserved it 139

29/03/2014 17:03

Today, my girlfriend texted me, telling me to come home quickly, because she had a "surprise" waiting for me. I convinced my boss to let me go home, and rushed out. Turns out the "surprise" was just that she'd bought herself a pet bunny. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 419

You deserved it 7 273

13/07/2016 15:21

Today, thanks to puberty, I have an acne rash around my mouth. Rumors are already flying around school saying I have herpes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 605

You deserved it 924

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Top comments

Pleonasm 35

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Sunday 28 September 2014 23:11

The heart wants what it wants right?

imyy 20

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Monday 29 September 2014 0:11

At least they weren't sexting - now THAT would've been awkward :-)

Comments

nikkipettyfer 24

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Sunday 28 September 2014 23:11

That's awkward

imyy 20

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Monday 29 September 2014 0:11

At least they weren't sexting - now THAT would've been awkward :-)

russfml 31

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Monday 29 September 2014 0:31

Who said they weren't lol

TheTacoMan 24

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Monday 29 September 2014 14:29

Date your brother OP!

Mr_Saikaly 35

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Monday 29 September 2014 16:28

Payback time!

DaMann360 19

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Sunday 28 September 2014 23:11

The really question is, is this comment going to be the first one?

redstone7693 29

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Monday 29 September 2014 13:43

What did this comment say to get moderated?

Pleonasm 35

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Sunday 28 September 2014 23:11

The heart wants what it wants right?

evilamoebaattack 20

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Sunday 28 September 2014 23:15

the way to a man's heart is through his stomach... or through his sibling

MarshalR 11

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Monday 29 September 2014 14:41

Good thing you figured out before it turned into an episode of Catfish

thedeej 10

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Sunday 28 September 2014 23:11

Sorry to hear. Sucks that your brothers an ass.

kingdomgirl94 28

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Sunday 28 September 2014 23:32

His brother clearly needs to be beaten.

sayyestothedress 24

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Monday 29 September 2014 1:51

No shot Sherlock!

mathen 9

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Monday 29 September 2014 2:11

Is No in prison?

rhysfucker 24

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Monday 29 September 2014 2:31

Brother's

sayyestothedress 24

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Monday 29 September 2014 4:18

*shit

ShadowlessSpear 21

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Sunday 28 September 2014 23:11

Wincest!

rainbowdog 17

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Sunday 28 September 2014 23:44

No, just no.

ShadowlessSpear 21

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Monday 29 September 2014 0:35

Yes, just yes.

ahippienamedrae 10

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Monday 29 September 2014 1:27

That's disgusting

tournamentdecide 33

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Monday 29 September 2014 3:01

Why? Just why?

ShadowlessSpear 21

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Monday 29 September 2014 3:11

Because, wincest.

sarah5745 41

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Monday 29 September 2014 5:03

Please stop..

cryssycakesx3 22

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Monday 29 September 2014 6:21

well this thread didn't go the way you thought...

laden_swallow09 34

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Monday 29 September 2014 7:05

Your /b/ is showing, 5. Cover that shit up. It's nothing to be proud of.

MentalMonkey333 7

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Sunday 28 September 2014 23:13

Time to figure out how to get him back now!

cryssycakesx3 22

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Monday 29 September 2014 6:22

that's childish for an ex...

Sports_guy3 28

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Sunday 28 September 2014 23:14

Brotherly love at its finest.

Welshite 39

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Sunday 28 September 2014 23:15

Yeah, but they didn't have to make it official.

Sports_guy3 28

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Sunday 28 September 2014 23:23

True, true

okay33 12

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Sunday 28 September 2014 23:14

At least he was being sweet and sensitive...

LittleBells 17

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Monday 29 September 2014 4:38

Its what a lot of girls want?

laden_swallow09 34

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Monday 29 September 2014 7:06

Sure. Want to put in the friendzone, that is.

Sports_guy3 28

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Tuesday 30 September 2014 5:34

Matter of opinion

DaMann360 19

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Sunday 28 September 2014 23:16

What does it mean for a comment to be being moderated?

OhWhoCares 42

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Sunday 28 September 2014 23:19

I'm not 100% sure so don't quote me on this, but I think it means the comment was moderated.....

sarah5745 41

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Sunday 28 September 2014 23:16

Well at least he was being sweet..