Today, I realized that the only time my boyfriend is physically... - FML

Nearly

28/09/2021 01:05

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36

You deserved it 3

27/09/2021 06:27

Today, I have to get up and go to work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54

You deserved it 97

Spicy

Spicy

Unfriended

By thethrowawayplace - 15/10/2021 17:00

Spicy

Today, my friend was watching a black guy getting yelled at by the cops on TV. He then decided to yell, "Wow, ni***** really don't know how to behave!" When I didn't react, he yelled it over and over, until I slunk into my room. He knows I'm part black. FML

I agree, your life sucks 477

You deserved it 72

Grind mindset

By MyStomachHurts - 15/10/2021 05:00

Spicy

Today, my boss wrote me up for taking too many bathroom breaks. I tried calling in sick with a bad case of indigestion, but he told me to just power through it because, "it can't possibly be that bad." I have been in severe, persistent discomfort the whole damn day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 512

You deserved it 37

26/08/2019 20:00

Spicy

Today, I realized that the only time my boyfriend is physically affectionate with me is when he wants to have sex. When I suggested we just cuddle, he looked at me and said, "What’s the point in that?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 955

You deserved it 310

Mother of the year

CPTSD

Mind your own beeswax, Amanda

25/04/2019 02:00

Today, I asked my Instagram followers out of curiosity who their favourite influencer was. Someone replied, without knowing it doesn’t come up anonymously, “Not you.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 936

You deserved it 2 122

14/05/2018 20:30

Today, I told my mom I had 73 cents in my checking account. She gave me a penny and told me I had 74 cents and it was even now. Thanks mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 407

You deserved it 865

Trial and mainly error

By unlucky - 13/11/2011 05:19

Spicy

Today, I have done enough trials to confirm that I puke after each time I have sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 517

You deserved it 4 511

09/08/2019 06:00

Today, my house caught fire and almost burned down. My neighbour, who has always hated me, came up, patted me on the back, and said, "That sucks for you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 664

You deserved it 111

Zoomed out

By Anonymous - 16/05/2020 23:00

Today, I had a low blood sugar attack and almost passed out during class while over Zoom, which my professor then decided to bring attention to by calling me out for "sighing" about the research paper. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 542

You deserved it 145

Check this out

By Anonymous - 03/06/2020 17:00

Today, I ran downstairs to meet the Amazon driver and threw on a shirt in a rush. Only after he left did I realise it was my shirt with artful rips in the design and I'd forgot to put on a vest under it. I'd flashed the driver my entire right boob with nipple piercing through one of the holes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 721

You deserved it 1 725

12/05/2011 02:01

Today, I was riding my long board. A few feet from me an attractive girl was riding one too, in the same direction. We made eye contact right as I slammed into a light pole. She then fell because she was laughing so hard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 494

You deserved it 9 771

08/07/2013 23:26

Today, my older brother told me that the only reason I like cats is because they control minds. I laughed. He was serious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 148

You deserved it 3 730

22/07/2013 15:58

Today, I couldn't move without people talking to me about the "Royal Baby". It's like it's actually going to have an effect on my life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 735

You deserved it 6 334

09/03/2010 19:41

Today, I got fired from my job as a postman, which I started yesterday. They fired me because I failed to deliver a bunch of papers to a road that no longer exists. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 783

You deserved it 2 502

08/01/2014 19:03

Today, I called my auto insurance company to try to get some discounts and lower my rate. I ended up adding $30 to my monthly payment. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 443

You deserved it 14 301

16/08/2019 14:00

Today, I drove my car into a fence because a spider was crawling from the mirror. The police laughed their asses off. One of them asked, "What should I write in the report? That she got scared of a spider?" Then he wrote just that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 357

You deserved it 795

28/11/2014 08:00

Today, I finished watching an entire movie after boarding the plane, before the plane even took off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 705

You deserved it 3 129

17/09/2013 17:52

Today, I was uninvited to a bachelorette party. I wouldn't really care, if the party hadn't been for me, ahead of my wedding tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 753

You deserved it 3 939

30/04/2011 08:51

Today, at the age of 17, I had my first kiss with the girl I've liked for over a year. However, it was a stage kiss and the girl has made it clear that she finds me repulsive. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 515

You deserved it 4 602

29/03/2009 05:04

Today, I saw a spider in my bathtub, so instead of killing it, i decided to bring my dog inside the bathroom to kill the spider for me. Turns out that the spider was a black widow, and my dog was bit. The dog killed the spider. The spider killed my dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 90 065

You deserved it 185 308

29/03/2012 02:53

Today, I realized that something's wrong when you have to go to a mental hospital for a family reunion. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 432

You deserved it 2 147

13/05/2016 19:25

Today, I asked a girl at the restaurant I work at if she'd had enough to eat. When she said yes, I said, "Are you sure?" I didn't realize how insulting it sounded until her equally overweight mom was up in my face, demanding to see my manager. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 899

You deserved it 4 236

12/04/2012 23:53

Today, while driving my car near a farm, I hit a man on the side of the road. I started freaking out and got out of the car to help him. It was then that I found out that I'd hit a scarecrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 267

You deserved it 7 236

Sharing is caring

By cpmagnusox - 17/03/2020 08:30

Today, my girlfriend and I are so close that we both describe our poops in detail to each other. I'm not sure if that's a good or bad thing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 757

You deserved it 1 176

04/10/2014 14:58

Today, I finally got around to cleaning out my mother's things after her passing. In the process I found a fancy box. What did it contain? A collection of crack pipes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 881

You deserved it 3 190

09/04/2013 11:05

Today, I was yelled at while I was shopping by some lady, because she saw my tattoo on my arm. She screamed that I'm the "spawn of Satan" and told me I'm going to hell. It's a fake tattoo of Mickey mouse. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 035

You deserved it 3 893

20/02/2016 14:19

Today, my father used my birth certificate as a beer coaster. Accident or not, it pretty much perfectly sums up our relationship. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 113

You deserved it 1 449

07/08/2016 08:31

Today, during an important meeting, I forgot the name for West Virginia and described it as, "Virginia a bit to the left". FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 572

You deserved it 3 257

06/09/2011 05:33

Today, while cleaning the house, I discovered that my husband has been making a little mountain of whatever he finds up his nose on the underside of our couch when he watches TV. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 058

You deserved it 2 524

14/08/2009 17:01

Today, I was looking over the schedule for errors and circled a group of mistakes before handing it to my manager. When she handed it back to me, she gave me a weird look and I immediately noticed that the group of numbers I had circled formed a giant penis shape on the paper. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 260

You deserved it 6 429

17/02/2010 20:44

Today, I was in school and spotted my girlfriend in the hallway. I wanted to be all romantic and grab her like guys do in movies. I grabbed her wrist forcefully and pulled her out of the crowd. As I quickly leaned in to kiss her I broke her nose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 356

You deserved it 37 757

22/09/2010 20:39

Today, my dad borrowed my new iPad to amuse him while he was in the shower without my knowledge. The iPad is now completely ruined, and my dad is refusing to buy me a new one. He says, "How was I to know that it wasn't waterproof?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 836

You deserved it 3 860

12/01/2009 09:37

Today, my 5 year-old daughter watched me getting dressed in the bathroom and asked, "Mum, when my boobs grow, will they droop like yours?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 850

You deserved it 3 464

Open your eyes

By Anonymous - 01/10/2021 14:00

Spicy

Today, I was taking some "me time" when my neighbor drove past and saw me. What I failed to realize was that my dog had pushed the shades open for my body to be right on display. FML

I agree, your life sucks 880

You deserved it 305

14/07/2010 02:10

Today, I accidentally filled the lemonade machine with margarita mix that already had the tequila mixed in. It was served to three kids before anyone figured it out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 371

You deserved it 42 543

09/12/2010 14:20

Spicy

Today, I said to my wife that I wished I had met her 20 years ago. Her response was, "Twenty years ago I had beautiful tits and many options, I wouldn't have even looked at you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 042

You deserved it 5 871

06/10/2015 16:22

Today, after hearing the results of my spinal tap, following several scans, my doctor said discovering that I have Multiple Sclerosis was a "happy accident". FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 878

You deserved it 1 485

03/02/2009 07:54

Spicy

Today, I received an email invitation to a dating web site. It was from my father-in-law. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 084

You deserved it 3 206

07/09/2011 17:25

Today, behind a cabinet, I found a scratch-off lottery ticket I hadn't scratched yet. After scratching it off, I realized it's a $2,500 winner. The lottery commission won't accept it because they stopped using that game 2 years ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 385

You deserved it 13 540

23/08/2011 16:38

Today, someone broke into my house. They stole my TV, DVD player and a few DVDs. However they only took about 2 out of 100 DVDs. Apparently that's how bad my taste is in movies. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 242

You deserved it 6 420

10/09/2016 07:07

Today, my dog brought me his squeaky toy to throw for him. I went to throw it down the hallway but it hit the door and bounced about a foot in front of him. He just stared at me for a minute like I was dumb, then took it to my boyfriend to throw. I disappoint even my dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 783

You deserved it 1 858

Creeped out

By Really jealous - 26/01/2021 09:31

Spicy

Today, my best friend confided in me that she's going to have sex with her cousin. Shocked, I tried to convince her not to and how it's a horrible idea. She called me a jealous bastard who can't get laid. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 317

You deserved it 197

10/02/2009 00:07

Spicy

Today, I drove my girlfriend home around 11 to her garage where we start to have sex. When she comes to climax she slips and hits her head. Her parents heard the crash and came down, we were both still naked and she was unconscious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 94 031

You deserved it 20 184

21/07/2013 17:46

Today, I jokingly told my friend that when a tree seems to sway in the wind, it's really just having an orgasm. Not only did she believe me, she's been smugly informing everyone we know. She's 26. I seem to be friends with an absolute idiot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 563

You deserved it 5 990

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Top comments

404wan 19

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Monday 26 August 2019 21:19

Sounds like you dont have a boyfriend, you have a fuck buddy. If you want to be with someone on an affectionate level (like most people) dump the douche and find someone who actually likes you and wants to be with you. You dont owe this guy anything, and i dont say this often, but he will not make you happy and you do deserve to be. Break up with him.

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Monday 26 August 2019 21:11

It is possible you are with someone who is scared of commitment. Run. Far and Fast. They do not change.

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Send a private message

Monday 26 August 2019 21:11

It is possible you are with someone who is scared of commitment. Run. Far and Fast. They do not change.

404wan 19

Send a private message

Monday 26 August 2019 21:19

Sounds like you dont have a boyfriend, you have a fuck buddy. If you want to be with someone on an affectionate level (like most people) dump the douche and find someone who actually likes you and wants to be with you. You dont owe this guy anything, and i dont say this often, but he will not make you happy and you do deserve to be. Break up with him.

Send a private message

Tuesday 27 August 2019 12:03

i agree. it seems to me that he doesnt see OP as a person, but someone just to get sexual gratification from. Committed relationships need that component of nurturing and love (usually, im not about to speak for all of them).

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Monday 26 August 2019 22:00

can it be both? O_O hmmm But..... sorry to hear that. that hurts... O_O emotionally.

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Tuesday 27 August 2019 0:40

Welcome to most married women's lives... Sometimes we just want to cuddle, they don't think there's a point to that.

RichardPencil 30

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Tuesday 27 August 2019 1:37

You get the cuddles after sex. Just cuddling will just make a healthy man horny. If he doesn't get horny, either he's sick or not that into you.

bluejello2001 17

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Tuesday 27 August 2019 6:24

And? So what if he gets horny? Maybe cuddles will lead to sex. If not, dude can either just let it be, or deal with it himself. If you don't know how to be close or intimate with your partner without having sex, fuck your partner's life.

jbuckets_404 38

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Tuesday 27 August 2019 9:38

But what if I instead prefer to fuck my partner's wife??? ;-) [/s]

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Tuesday 27 August 2019 2:00

I’m not a cuddler. I do understand why some do enjoy it though. And if my partner had an easy to fill need, I’d work on meeting it. Even if it makes me a bit uncomfortable.

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Tuesday 27 August 2019 2:11

That really is a terrible FML. Cuddles are amazing.

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Tuesday 27 August 2019 4:29

A. check out the pod cast 'The Read' where their motto is BREAK UP WITH HIM/HER/THEM 2. BREAK UP WITH HIM

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Friday 30 August 2019 6:20

Congratulations! You have accepted a life as a piece of ass.