Today, I realized that my relationship has hit a new low when...

By ugh - United States - Dearborn

Today, I realized that my relationship has hit a new low when I made an appointment with my girlfriend to have sex. I have a two week wait. FML

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32906

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Intimacy

The opposite of a good idea

Countdown

Vibe check

By BDSM4Jesus - United States - Pittsburgh

Today, while trying some new kinky things with my boyfriend, he cried out, "Call me Jesus!" Yeah... I think we're done with that. FML

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34980

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By SatelliteUser - United States

Today, I called my wife to tell her I finally found a job after 6 months. A man answered the phone claiming to be the cable guy. We cut our cable off when I was laid off 6 months ago. FML

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40666

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By Anonymous - Ghana - Accra

Today, I'm on holiday in Ghana. After having worn an anklet I bought here for the past two weeks, I was told that it's used by the local prostitutes to advertise their trade. FML

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51389

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By nolinguist - Austria

Today, I arrived in Austria. Within about an hour, I realized that I couldn't understand any "German". Turns out they have a totally different dialect here to anything I was taught in school. I'm here till May. FML

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28216

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By momaaa1342 - United States - Elmwood

Today, I got a call from my daughter’s school today. She had been telling the teacher, "I have a huge boner." Apparently, some of the kids at school told her it meant 'headache' and she's been saying it all day. FML

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46535

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By that makes me a sad panda - Sweden - Ume

Today, my landlord's control issue got out of control when I got a call telling me I have "too much stuff" and have to move out of the apartment. I sold all my furniture when I moved in and all I currently own is a scratch post, a chair and a pair of curtains. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43761

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By littl3storm

Today, I found out that I work with a bunch of sex addicts. One of them is my cousin, and she did NOT hold back when telling me her and her fiancé's plans about swinging. FML

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1786

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By danyelicindereli - United States

Today, I was standing around looking out the window at work when it became really dark and windy and started to pour. I watched a shopping cart fly across the parking lot thinking how funny it'd be if it hit someone's car. It hit mine. I need a new headlight. FML

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21184

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I witnessed a homeless man fall off of his bike and land face first onto the pavement. Bleeding and shivering in the 40 degree weather, I gave him the coat off of my back. He got up like nothing happened and sprinted away with it. Oh yeah, my wallet was in the inside pocket. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25829

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By beachedwhale21 - 22/6/2020 05:01

Always save to the cloud!

Today, I finally finished typing up a story I had been working on for about 7 months, saved it on my computer and left to hang with friends. Came home later to find my dad had sold my laptop in order to pay his phone bill. My hard work is now gone. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1808

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By Anonymous

Today, my sister, who has been seeing a guy for a year, got engaged. I've been dating my boyfriend for over 5 years and let out some not so subtle hints and he basically refused to propose. This is her second marriage in the time of my relationship. FML

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13911

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By Durrrrrr - Canada

Today, I went to a "party" with the boy whom I am interested in. It was the first time I met his friends. Turns out he and all his friends are hardcore Christians who don't drink and are celibate. FML

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25992

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By 1danzo1 - Australia

Today, I was getting a haircut. I had my foils in for about 10 minutes when the fire alarm went off. The building then started to fill with smoke and we evacuated. While outside watching the fire being put out, I forgot about my foils. I now have bright bleached yellow and orange hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43675

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By MeaganElizabethM - United States - Steubenville

Today, while on a haunted trail, I accidentally punched a high-schooler in the throat. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21586

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4552

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By AshleyRose24 - United States - Fullerton

Today, I had to have a talk with my stalker. After telling him not to snapchat me, not to text me, and that I'm not interested, all he said was "I think persistence is going to be key here." FML

I agree, your life sucks

47011

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By nicetoknow - Australia - Blacktown

Today, I was showing my crush/co-worker how to operate a particular piece of machinery. She exclaimed out loud, "Oh! This knob pulls out," then mumbled under her breath, "unlike my boyfriend." FML

I agree, your life sucks

13742

You deserved it

1509

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By Bulldogs09 - France

Today, I finally hooked up with the boy of my dreams at a party. Later, while on aim, I noticed one of his friends away messages was a quote from the guy's screen name, which said "I can't believe what I stick my d... In sometimes." FML

I agree, your life sucks

46636

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By mariama - United States

Today, I visited my family. Over the course of 2 hours, my brother punched me, and my mom slapped me across the face after drinking way too much wine. When I started gathering my things to leave, my mom started crying about how I don't visit enough. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37854

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By Mitch

Today, while reading the newspaper, I noticed that an ad had been placed for my job. I asked my boss for a week off so that I could fly home for my father's funeral. No wonder she was so cool with it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12023

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By yee-whore - United States - Waterbury

Today, I confronted my girlfriend after catching her cheating on me. After she finished crying, she had the brass balls to say she'd understand if I needed a couple of weeks to forgive her, and asked me for bus fare so she could go tell the other guy they could only be friends now. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43173

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By 352 - United States

Today, I somehow managed to hit my head on a first aid kit. I now have a cut on my forehead and my boyfriend just keeps laughing from the irony. FML

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24224

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I went to my girlfriend's and she was wearing some sexy lingerie. After making out passionately for 10 minutes, I started to undress myself, only to have her stop me, confessed that she still wasn't sexually attracted to me. FML

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41056

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By akvan - 30/10/2020 06:01 - Canada - Toronto

Sounds lovely

Today, my coworker, who keeps calling me Mexican even though she knows I'm not, is telling everyone that I act like a bitch to our boss, even though she's the one who is always contradicting and fighting with her, and I always try to keep everything professional. No other jobs are calling me back. FML

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925

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By Woops - United States - Secaucus

Today, a schoolmate I've always secretly hated came over to my place to hang out. She found her way to my room and instantly noticed my dartboard, which I'd taped a picture of her face onto. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22775

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By :( - Algeria

Today, I woke up after a night out partying only to find I'd wet the bed. I was so ashamed that I rolled my girlfriend into it to avoid taking the blame. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23243

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By ywouldudomelikethat - United States - Renton

Today, I found out my ex started a Tumblr where she posts one photo a day. Each photo being a pic I texted her over the course of our relationship. My office, the bars I like to go to, favorite restaurants, my mom's place, my place, my penis, etc. FML

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25460

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By ip7 - United Kingdom - Horsham

Today, I was sitting in a library when a cute boy approached me, so I grabbed the nearest book. When he asked me what I was reading, I said I was revising for an English test. He laughed and pointed out that my book was in French. FML

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16918

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my window got busted and won't shut properly. I live in a college dorm room and maintenance says they can't fix it for a couple of days. It's below freezing in my dorm and I can see my breath while trying sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30243

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By Anna - United States

Today, I called back a number I recently missed a call from. To my surprise, it was the number of my boyfriend's fiancé. I've been with him 4 years, he's been with her for 6. Turns out, not only is he a cheating jerk, but technically I'M the other woman. FML

I agree, your life sucks

61975

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By missinformed

Today, Geico called to tell me they were canceling my insurance. Someone I don't know got pulled over for drunk-driving and the police wrote down my license plate number instead by accident. Although the DMV says they cleared everything up, Geico still won't believe it wasn't me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4602

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By shinymcface

Today, I went to the bathroom at work and there was a reed diffuser placed on the tank of the toilet. As I sat down, my hair knocked it off and the reed diffuser landed behind me, spilling the scented oil into my butt crack and vagina, burning me completely. I only had to work 6 more hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2825

You deserved it

267

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By Lesbian

Today, my coworker, who I hardly ever speak to, gave me a birthday present. It was an 8,000-word extremely graphic story of how he convinced a lesbian to have anal sex with him in the work bathroom. She had my name and characteristics. I'm the only lesbian he knows. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10901

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I came home to my empty apartment. My girlfriend had left a note on the floor that said: "Took my stuff and left. Took your stuff and pawned it." FML

I agree, your life sucks

42743

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By BMike - United States

Today, I moved into my new house. I went over to my neighbors' house to introduce myself. As they opened the door I saw a telescope pointed at my house. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38465

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By Bozo - United States - Saukville

Today, I got a perm in an attempt to prove to my family that I'd been doing well with my life since I last saw them almost a year ago. I ended up going over for dinner looking like Bozo the Clown thanks to my idiot stylist, and my brothers wouldn't stop mocking me about it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9604

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By ITM21 - United States

Today, I accused a student in my class of getting his dad to do his homework. It turns out that his dad died 2 years ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8751

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By Username - United States

Today, I was asked how far I've gone with a guy. My answer? Eye contact. I'm 19. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40536

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8042

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By Penguinsuit

Today, I threw my clothes in the laundry and had only penguin pajamas to wear. My mother forgot to mention that she was expecting a handyman. Guess who got greeted by an adult woman in a penguin suit. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4057

You deserved it

822

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By Kirta - Canada

Today, while finishing up raking leaves, I decided it would be a fun idea to jump into them. After rolling around in the leaves for a bit, I smelled something funny. Turns out I was rolling around in dog shit. FML

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16374

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, it was the début of the high school musical I was in. When two others and I sang the word "Hell", my mother yelled at us for using that language, while the musical was still going, and dragged me off stage. FML

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47869

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Top comments

By abbyade | 21

#6300926 - Monday 25 May 2015 12:02

It is time to re-evaluate your relationship. You guys should have a good chat and make a decision if this relationship is salvageable or not.

By DaRito | 25

#6300930 - Monday 25 May 2015 12:08

You should talk it out with your girlfriend, it doesn't seem like the relationship would last long from that point.

COMMENTS

By feliciaheartu | 21

#6300917 - Monday 25 May 2015 11:58

That sucks. Get it?

Lorenzo1102 | 21

#6300946 - Monday 25 May 2015 12:43

So does your comment

worldclassrager | 39

#6301076 - Monday 25 May 2015 16:26

Actually I don't...am I alone with this?

bingalingading | 12

#6301266 - Monday 25 May 2015 20:11

there's always that one person...

weswheatley | 14

#6301367 - Monday 25 May 2015 22:10

And in this case, they were here first. Ugh.

bazookajoey | 27

#6301581 - Tuesday 26 May 2015 1:40

If you have to ask if we get it, it's probably not a good joke

By Lorenzo1102 | 21

#6300921 - Monday 25 May 2015 11:59

Change the date on her phones calendar

KitchKraft | 21

#6300959 - Monday 25 May 2015 13:19

Clever

JustinJK | 21

#6301024 - Monday 25 May 2015 15:59

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

MzZombicidal | 36

#6301146 - Monday 25 May 2015 18:15

Wow, what a hilarious, unwarranted joke about rape, #32.

By Reider022 | 16

#6300925 - Monday 25 May 2015 12:02

How many of those appointments does she have on her schedule sounds pretty busy to me

aruden | 25

#6301071 - Monday 25 May 2015 16:24

Having to schedule in sex sounds like she is a prostitute

wanted_2_want | 40

#6301084 - Monday 25 May 2015 16:34

Right!?! OP needs to start interviewing for a new relationship.

Exaspera | 54

#6301772 - Tuesday 26 May 2015 7:31

Are there that many guys ahead of you?!

By abbyade | 21

#6300926 - Monday 25 May 2015 12:02

It is time to re-evaluate your relationship. You guys should have a good chat and make a decision if this relationship is salvageable or not.

logan00_fml | 15

#6310947 - Friday 5 June 2015 2:05

Gay

By X_KassidyRose_X | 12

#6300928 - Monday 25 May 2015 12:02

Just come in earlier, it's not like she's gonna have any other patients waiting.

Toller017 | 14

#6301055 - Monday 25 May 2015 16:14

who that he knows of lol

By DaRito | 25

#6300930 - Monday 25 May 2015 12:08

You should talk it out with your girlfriend, it doesn't seem like the relationship would last long from that point.

By abNormal62 | 23

#6300933 - Monday 25 May 2015 12:10

Cuckolding?

By cjigsss95 | 12

#6300934 - Monday 25 May 2015 12:12

how many people does she give appointment to that you get it after two weeks?

By Cebolamole | 13

#6300935 - Monday 25 May 2015 12:12

Can I get an appointment for three weeks from today, please?

By igg125 | 30

#6300936 - Monday 25 May 2015 12:13

What kind of business is she running? You need to get to the front of the line