Today, I realized that my dad is more comfortable talking to... - FML

By hated - 28/12/2010 03:14 - United States

Today, I realized that my dad is more comfortable talking to the dog than sitting in the same room as me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25435

You deserved it

2827

Tweet

Share

Dangling modifier

DINOSAURS!!

Abuse

By Anon - 31/10/2009 11:08 - United Kingdom

Today, I invited my very animal phobic boyfriend over. I have a dog and a rabbit, who are always well behaved so I insisted they wouldn't do him any harm. My dog peed all over his shoes and my rabbit furiously humped his leg and wouldn't let go. He's now even more terrified of animals. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32586

You deserved it

12110

Tweet

Share

By Barney - 18/6/2011 16:10 - United States

Today, I painted my daughter's bedroom. When I wasn't paying attention, the cat walked through the paint tray. There are now Barney purple paw prints all over the house. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28753

You deserved it

9113

Tweet

Share

By Lotz - 29/8/2018 14:30

Today, I found out that my sister has been stealing money from me. My parents won't do anything because there's "no evidence it was her". She's the only one in this house that spends regularly and has opportunities to take it while no one's around. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2536

You deserved it

190

Tweet

Share

By ugh - 5/10/2010 00:57 - United States

Today, I asked my mom why she decided to be a parent. She replied, in all seriousness, "Everyone else was doing it." FML

I agree, your life sucks

29580

You deserved it

3813

Tweet

Share

By SadMother - 4/10/2014 19:52 - United States - South Windsor

Today, I overheard my daughter talking to her boyfriend over the phone about having sex. She said, "You have to piss on me to get me pregnant, that's what I heard anyway." She's 16. FML

I agree, your life sucks

50657

You deserved it

11840

Tweet

Share

By LindsayK - 9/4/2009 06:18 - United States

Today, my step-mother threw a surprise party on my acceptance to college. People kept telling me how delightfully shocked and happy they are for me. "UPenn" was written everywhere, when I really got into Penn State. Everyone thinks I'm going to an Ivy League. FML

I agree, your life sucks

57310

You deserved it

5099

Tweet

Share

By roadkill - 28/2/2011 15:50 - United States

Today, an old lady hit me with her car. After which she says, "Oh! Not Again!" FML

I agree, your life sucks

34153

You deserved it

2813

Tweet

Share

By in pain - 15/3/2011 22:57

Today, I got into a bad car accident, where I got severe whiplash, swollen knees, and cuts everywhere. I called my boss to let him know I wouldn't be able to make it in and he fired me for being 'not dependable'. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41352

You deserved it

3641

Tweet

Share

By Can I press charges? - 15/1/2015 17:23 - Australia - Hamilton

Today, my nutjob girlfriend dumped me for refusing to stop talking to my best friend, just because she's a woman. Before she left, my now-ex decided to punish me by destroying the dissertation I've spent months working on, along with both backups of it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40433

You deserved it

4605

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 14/1/2011 07:51 - Australia

Today, I had my first job interview in months. The interviewer started by introducing herself and asking how I was. I got caught between introducing myself and telling her how I was and replied "I'm Kate thanks". FML

I agree, your life sucks

23459

You deserved it

5400

Tweet

Share

By leftout - 13/5/2010 07:39 - United States

Today, I was one of five people called up to the front in class to receive a special notice from the school administration. The first four people received awards for outstanding effort in school. Mine was a notice that I had overdue library fines. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13411

You deserved it

28250

Tweet

Share

By Flipside - 2/5/2009 00:46 - United States

Today, as I was driving home, I saw a woman get hit by a car. I immediately parked on the side of the road to assist her. I called an ambulance and stayed with her until they came to get her, comforting her all the while. When I returned to my car, I found a parking ticket in my windshield. FML

I agree, your life sucks

112480

You deserved it

6398

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 3/7/2018 15:00

Today, I was verbally harassed by a customer because I wouldn’t give her special treatment after her meal was incorrect. I offered her a refund and a coupon for a free meal, which she refused before calling me a stupid kid who wouldn’t do anything to help her. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3471

You deserved it

214

Tweet

Share

By hejdixjeln - 17/3/2013 10:25 - United States - Evanston

Today, I advised my daughter to not drink a Coke before bed. She smiled at me and reassured me that it could be balanced out with sleeping pills. I'm raising a future drug addict. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37871

You deserved it

7504

Tweet

Share

By antiqued - 20/12/2012 05:55 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I took a bath because I couldn't get my left arm wet due to a minor medical procedure. My roommates decided to barge in to the bathroom and ruthlessly pelt me with flour. Not only did I find out flour burns the eyes, but the shock caused me to slip and submerge my arm. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39928

You deserved it

3070

Tweet

Share

By offrampmotel - 28/3/2017 14:00

Today, my 4-year-old son discovered that he really likes masturbating. So much in fact, that he took pictures of it with my phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks

6205

You deserved it

688

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 3/6/2020 08:00

All out in the open

Today, my 18-year-old boyfriend took some extremely strong painkillers that unfortunately gave him a giddy sense of euphoria. He then stripped naked in his parents' lounge room and yelled, "You've all seen it before!" His really religious parents didn't know this. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1458

You deserved it

157

Tweet

Share

By Telinaa - 8/11/2010 02:25 - Australia

Today, I was holding on to a shirt that I planned on buying, when an elderly man bumped into me. The shirt fell out of my hand, and slid just out the door. I went to the counter to explain what happened. Everyone accused me of trying to steal it anyway. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26994

You deserved it

3017

Tweet

Share

By Meg - 17/10/2018 15:30

Today, we moved 2,700 miles across the U.S. to better our lives, with job offers and home options lined up. All of them were given to other people or turned out to be scams. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2959

You deserved it

546

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 19/2/2011 14:51 - Ireland

Today, I gave a safe sex speech to teens at my local high school. This was just ten minutes after my girlfriend had texted me, telling me she's pregnant. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14116

You deserved it

47898

Tweet

Share

By ShandiPandiDerp - 20/5/2016 12:12 - United States

Today, my phone charger caught fire. I was thankful to be there to witness it. I was not thankful for having been holding it while this happened, as my shirt caught on fire. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12643

You deserved it

1102

Tweet

Share

By ClumsyKatey - 2/7/2017 22:00

Today, due to an incident with the dishwasher, a coatrack and my bathrobe, I ended up locked out of my house naked as a jaybird. I had to hide in the backyard for several hours until my family got home from their various activities to get back in. They still haven't stopped laughing at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

5009

You deserved it

1049

Tweet

Share

By sammarli530 - 29/5/2013 16:24 - United States - New Lenox

Today, after calling the insurance plan for my new iPhone a "huge waste of money", I promptly dropped it in the store while trying to put it into my pocket, cracking the screen. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24735

You deserved it

52006

Tweet

Share

By thjeltz - 27/10/2010 18:48 - Canada

Today, I was showering at hockey practice. It would have been business as usual, if not for one of my teammates playing with his junk and not-so-subtly asked me to connect. There are 5 more months of hockey. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28777

You deserved it

3046

Tweet

Share

By single once again - 29/12/2012 23:54 - United Kingdom - Romford

Today, I jokingly asked my boyfriend if he was cheating on me. He replied, "Nah, all the chicks in this town are fuck-ugly." and stared at me until I left the room. Good to know that's his only reason for staying faithful. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33280

You deserved it

7623

Tweet

Share

By james88 - 7/1/2013 21:39 - United States - Altoona

Today, in an elaborate plan to finally meet my cute neighbor, I convinced my friendly mailman to switch up our mail so I'd have an excuse to meet her. After I delivered her mail, I waited for her to mention that she had my mail, but she never did. I even saw her take it out of her mail box. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13510

You deserved it

37566

Tweet

Share

By Alex - 5/2/2016 22:55 - United States - Elizabethtown

Today, my fiancée woke up from a nightmare where I cheated on her. She has so far successfully gotten into my personal and work e-mails, and all my social media. I'm not sure if I'm worse at picking a wife or at picking passwords. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21972

You deserved it

2943

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 11/5/2011 14:10 - Australia

Today, I discovered my boyfriend is incredibly ticklish on the bottom of his feet. Trying to be a bit flirty, I slowly slid two fingers down his calf and mockingly tickled his feet. He reacted by inadvertently elbowing me in the nose, nearly breaking it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11826

You deserved it

43399

Tweet

Share

By apparentlyweird - 28/8/2018 22:00

Haters Gonna Hate

Today, my dad's new girlfriend's daughter came over with them. She had a tantrum because my brand new computer, which I worked and saved for, was better than her notebook, which was bought for her. So what did she do? Oh, she threw it off my desk. For some reason I'm being yelled at. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3831

You deserved it

160

Tweet

Share

By JunkDex - 23/12/2015 07:45 - Australia - Merrylands

Today, my boss thought it would be a great idea to delay paying me until after Christmas. There goes rent, bills, food and of course Christmas presents. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25441

You deserved it

1676

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 23/1/2012 14:19 - United States

Today, school tuition has taken up so much of my paycheck that the only thing I had to eat for dinner was applesauce. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34616

You deserved it

3166

Tweet

Share

By nekal - 21/9/2016 16:50 - United States - Nashville

Today, I tried to sneakily leave my boyfriend's house at 3 a.m. without his parents knowing. I had a flat tire. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11834

You deserved it

3597

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 23/1/2016 09:21 - Australia - Canberra

Today, after the topic of grandkids came up yet again, my fiancé confessed that we've been having trouble conceiving. Later, I overheard his mum telling him to take my engagement ring back to the store and get a refund, because apparently I'm not worth marrying if I can't give him kids. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25511

You deserved it

1603

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 9/7/2011 00:12 - United States

Today, I found out that the landscaping job I started three weeks ago is actually for an illicit business run by a hippie who pissed away the entire payroll to fund his drug habit. He has no way of coughing up the $900 he owes me. I'm broke as hell, and my electricity is now going to get cut off. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40947

You deserved it

4552

Tweet

Share

By ohyey - 29/1/2011 01:50 - Norway

Dead bed

Today, I discovered that my wife isn't cheating on me after all, as I'd feared. We just don't have sex anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33058

You deserved it

6997

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 3/11/2014 15:54 - United Kingdom - Bath

Today, I learned that the house I've been living in and paying rent for the past two months was never advertised as vacant. I learned this when the actual homeowners walked in, and called the police for an "intruder." FML

I agree, your life sucks

40932

You deserved it

3610

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 4/2/2014 21:42 - United Kingdom - Bristol

Today, I was ringing an elderly gentleman up at work. As I went to package up the buns he ordered, he held up a hand and told me to wait. He then looked me in the eyes, started squeezing them, then winked and told me to go ahead. I've never felt so violated. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44203

You deserved it

4447

Tweet

Share

By chumman - 6/5/2014 13:55 - United States - New York

Today, I met this overweight chick and ended up sleeping with her. We were doing it doggy style and it was great until she said, "Milk me like a cow." I can no longer drink milk without hearing that in my head. FML

I agree, your life sucks

57958

You deserved it

20835

Tweet

Share

By LaurahLunatic - 5/9/2009 06:31 - United States

Today, I realized that my cat has been laid more times than me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29011

You deserved it

5988

Tweet

Share

By Nylo - 29/1/2018 01:30

Today, I made my first ever chocolate fudge, which turned out really nice. I had a bite and left it on the counter with plastic wrap covering, only to come back later to find my sister's cat pissing on it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4061

You deserved it

496

Tweet

Share

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By FPsLife | 5

#740491 - Monday 28 December 2010 10:58

Maybe wag your tail a bit?

By WTFsGoingOn | 0

#740433 - Monday 28 December 2010 9:43

I think that is just a dad thing. My father in law can't talk to my wife for the life of him. If he is the only person there when we stop by it is really awkward because he can't keep up a conversation with her at all. He loves her, believe me getting married to her was like being read my rights (not the actual ceremony but having to tell him I'd asked her), he just doesn't have that type of relationship with her.

Don't sweat it, men just like dogs.

Comments

By jennay8288 | 1

#740371 - Monday 28 December 2010 9:06

aw. it happens :/

Reply

Dont_Explain | 3

#740962 - Monday 28 December 2010 18:25

The obvious solution to fix this would be to be a bitch, then he has to find a new creature to talk with.

By LittleMiss1 | 0

#740385 - Monday 28 December 2010 9:14

sorry man

Reply

RealTalk0 | 7

#4824107 - Friday 17 August 2012 2:26

Lol fail.

By JohnnyTheFox | 0

#740389 - Monday 28 December 2010 9:15

you must be awkward.

By iplaywow | 0

#740391 - Monday 28 December 2010 9:16

well what did you do that makes your dad so uncomfortable?

By dudeitsdanny | 9

#740412 - Monday 28 December 2010 9:28

Stop masturbating in front of your dad. =O
Kidding.
It sucks, but I'm sure it's not personal.

By jonny2x4 | 0

#740424 - Monday 28 December 2010 9:34

YourLifeIsClearlyAverage.

By HyperExecuter | 0

#740431 - Monday 28 December 2010 9:41

that really sucks sorry

By WTFsGoingOn | 0

#740433 - Monday 28 December 2010 9:43

I think that is just a dad thing. My father in law can't talk to my wife for the life of him. If he is the only person there when we stop by it is really awkward because he can't keep up a conversation with her at all. He loves her, believe me getting married to her was like being read my rights (not the actual ceremony but having to tell him I'd asked her), he just doesn't have that type of relationship with her.

Don't sweat it, men just like dogs.

By purple91 | 8

#740451 - Monday 28 December 2010 9:59

Hey, a dog is a man's best friend. :)

By mikeuk | 0

#740487 - Monday 28 December 2010 10:45

harsh xD