Animals: Today, I realized that my dad is more comfortable talking to... - FML

By hated - United States

Today, I realized that my dad is more comfortable talking to the dog than sitting in the same room as me. FML

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And today, on Dr Phil…

Dementia or hate? You decide

Relationships sink

By blondie - Australia

Today, I was trying to convince my boyfriend that I am NOT a dumb blonde. After screaming at the top of my lungs, I tripped over a bin and hit my head on a wall. FML

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By justinj360 - United States

Today, my dad informed me that I will be staying in the bug-infested shed for the summer when I come to visit, due to his girlfriend's sewing workspace completely taking over the only room I've ever had at his house. FML

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By Anonymous - 26/4/2020 02:00

Alexa, play "Hey! Student" by The Fall

Today, one of my UNIVERSITY students submitted an incomplete assignment file to the online learning platform. I emailed him, "You will need to send me the correct file via email, as the system does not accept resubmissions." I literally got as a reply, "So, what do I need to do?" Online teaching is hell. FML

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By Soon2beexhr

Today, my boss tested a candidate for my current position while I was out of the office. How did I find out? I work in HR and the test results were sent to my email. The reason I was out was to have emergency surgery. Now I get to recover and job search at the same time. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - San Diego

Today, at an MA meeting, I ran into the cop who'd pulled me over and given me a ticket for marijuana possession. FML

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By KD - United States - Simi Valley

Today, my friends and I were talking about our celebrity lookalikes. We decided that my friends all had attractive celebrity lookalikes, including Scarlett Johansson and Hayden Panettiere. When it was my turn, they decided that my "celebrity" lookalike is the Pillsbury Doughboy. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, a really hot guy smacked my ass. I farted. FML

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By me - United States

Today, I apologized to my boyfriend for thinking he was cheating on me right before another girl posted pictures of them together on her myspace. FML

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By damn dog - United States

Today, during a firework show, my dog gave me her opinion about them by practically eating half my bedroom door then defecating on my bed. FML

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By Vxale - United States

Today, I met my new dentist. His teeth are worse than mine. FML

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By Anonymous - 9/12/2020 13:02 - United Kingdom - Milton Keynes

Bodyshaming

Today, my coworker doesn't want to go to lunch with me anymore, after I lost a load of weight in lockdown and she's still "overweight." Apparently, I've "changed, and not the same person." FML

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By briiiiiiii123 - United States - Buffalo

You tried

Today, my boyfriend and I had 'car sex'. It sucked and resulted in him masturbating into a McDonald's bag. FML

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By evilsandwich - Canada - London

Today, after house-sitting for a week, I came home to find the house in which I rent a basement suite has all but burned to the ground. My landlord didn't even bother to tell me about the fire. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, I came home and saw my roommate had taken out the garbage for the first time in the three years we have lived in the same house. Unfortunately, the bag of laundry I had by the door was taken out with it as well. FML

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By atleasthelocalsarenice

Today, while camping alone in an isolated area, I was woken up at 3 a.m. by a fellow camper, who then offered me a crayfish and a romantic beach walk as a way of flirtation. FML

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By despacito

Today, my brother stole my hard drive and wiped it. My hard drive had a 10-page school project on it. The project is due tomorrow. FML

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By anon - Canada - Lethbridge

Today, I went to 7-11, where the cashier asked me if I had the app to get rewards. She then looked at me and said, "Never mind, I can tell you don't." I guess I have no control over my resting bitch face. FML

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By charma - United States

Today, my daughter was telling everyone at her elementry school about my gay partner. Yes, I have a gay partner. He is my work partner and he happens to be gay. FML

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By darquedraconian - United States - Rapid City

Today, my son gave me some flowers for Mother's Day. Unfortunately, the only time I can enjoy them is when I go into the bathroom where they are kept so the cat doesn't eat them. FML

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By Steve - United States - Lake Charles

Self-service

Today, I walked in on my wife masturbating. Naturally, I asked her if she needed some help. She replied, "Nah, I've got this." FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I found out that my phone fits perfectly through the slot between the elevator and the floor. FML

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By nothungry - United States

Today, after four years of anorexia and lots of recovery, my parents took me out to dinner with my counselor and whole family to celebrate my progress. I ended up eating something that made me vomit everything I ate. My parents now think I am bulmic and are sending me back to counseling. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my co-worker and I played a game where we give each other the bird in whatever creative manner we could come up with. Deciding to be sneaky, I hid behind a wall with my middle finger up as I heard him walking into the office. It was my boss. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Yellow Springs

Today, my friend explained that his internship was clearly worse than mine because he got yelled at by clients. One of my clients ripped out my hair. FML

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By proudparent - Canada

Today, my 5 year old son asked me to explain how he was born. After I told him I had a C-Section, he went to school and told everyone he was born at sea. I found out when the teacher called me. FML

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By weeble_wobbles09 - United States

Today, my Nana showed me her new sign that says, "Some of my greatest blessings call me Nana." We stood there looking at a wall FULL of pictures of her grandkids, which is where she wanted to hang it. After scanning the wall a couple times, I realized. There was not one picture of me. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Springfield

Today, I was pulled over by a cop. He told me one of my lights was busted, and I couldn't help but point out that one of his was out too. He said, "Thanks, I'll get that fixed right away." then gave me a ticket. FML

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By Ayeya - United States

Today, I wanted to print out a 100 page game strategy guide using company's printer. While not wanting anyone to find out about this I picked a time where I thought no one would be printing. My CEO ended up standing next to me for 10 minutes waiting for his stuff to print after mine. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my 12 year-old daughter asked me where her scrotum is. FML

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By ... - United States

Today, I found out that, after offering to fill out my student aid application for me, my mother sent all of my personal information to a scam site instead. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I finally got the nerve to tell my parents that I'm no longer going to pay them a flat percent of my salary, but only what they need to cover my expenses. Their response: "Better find a place of your own then, you freeloading bastard." FML

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By stuckonrepeat - Ireland

Today, when I returned from holiday, I discovered my best friend taught my parrot dirty phrases for fun. I can't get her to shut up and my little niece and nephew are coming over in three days. FML

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By secret dancer - Sweden

Today, I was bored and all alone while cleaning at work. This led me to start passionately doing a ballet dance in the empty corridor. I promptly stopped as I remembered the surveillance cameras. FML

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By Ouch

Today, I learned that bees like to get out of the hot sun, too. And that they do this by crawling into people's bed sheets. I also learned that these bees don't like it when you go to lay down in your own bed. They don't like it at all. Now it hurts to put weight on my right butt cheek. FML

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By Star - United States

Today, the guy that I'm in love with and plan to marry some day told me he would choose a million dollars over me. I got upset and told him I no longer want to be with him. In an excited voice he said, "Really? So are you serious I don't have to worry about this love stuff anymore?" FML

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By iamatthewroberts - United States

Today, my grandmother told me that not only does she not accept me as a homosexual man, but that she feels my relationship with a little person is "spitting in God's face." FML

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By Lavalise - France

Today, on the subway, a woman got off without her suitcase. I grabbed the case, chased her onto the platform, and shouted, "You forgot your suitcase!" while the doors closed behind me. In actual fact, it wasn't her suitcase, and its actual owner was still on the train. FML

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By Facebook - United States

Today, I logged into facebook for the first time in a month. I had only 3 new notifications, they were to tell me that the poker application I used on there "missed me" and wanted to give me 10,000 free chips. My poker app talks to me more than my friends. FML

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By Bebefer - United States

Today, my mother and I went to a meeting at my school about a camping trip the students in my grade will be going on. When the time to ask questions came, my mother raised her hand and loudly asked, "What if my child is on their period during the trip?" FML

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By Marco

Today, the bank I use lost 5 billion. FML

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Top comments

By FPsLife | 5

#740491 - Monday 28 December 2009 10:58

Maybe wag your tail a bit?

By WTFsGoingOn | 0

#740433 - Monday 28 December 2009 9:43

I think that is just a dad thing. My father in law can't talk to my wife for the life of him. If he is the only person there when we stop by it is really awkward because he can't keep up a conversation with her at all. He loves her, believe me getting married to her was like being read my rights (not the actual ceremony but having to tell him I'd asked her), he just doesn't have that type of relationship with her.

Don't sweat it, men just like dogs.

COMMENTS

By jennay8288 | 1

#740371 - Monday 28 December 2009 9:06

aw. it happens :/

Reply

Dont_Explain | 3

#740962 - Monday 28 December 2009 18:25

The obvious solution to fix this would be to be a bitch, then he has to find a new creature to talk with.

By LittleMiss1 | 0

#740385 - Monday 28 December 2009 9:14

sorry man

Reply

RealTalk0 | 7

#4824107 - Friday 17 August 2012 2:26

Lol fail.

By JohnnyTheFox | 0

#740389 - Monday 28 December 2009 9:15

you must be awkward.

By iplaywow | 0

#740391 - Monday 28 December 2009 9:16

well what did you do that makes your dad so uncomfortable?

By dudeitsdanny | 9

#740412 - Monday 28 December 2009 9:28

Stop masturbating in front of your dad. =O
Kidding.
It sucks, but I'm sure it's not personal.

By jonny2x4 | 0

#740424 - Monday 28 December 2009 9:34

YourLifeIsClearlyAverage.

By HyperExecuter | 0

#740431 - Monday 28 December 2009 9:41

that really sucks sorry

By WTFsGoingOn | 0

#740433 - Monday 28 December 2009 9:43

I think that is just a dad thing. My father in law can't talk to my wife for the life of him. If he is the only person there when we stop by it is really awkward because he can't keep up a conversation with her at all. He loves her, believe me getting married to her was like being read my rights (not the actual ceremony but having to tell him I'd asked her), he just doesn't have that type of relationship with her.

Don't sweat it, men just like dogs.

By purple91 | 8

#740451 - Monday 28 December 2009 9:59

Hey, a dog is a man's best friend. :)

By mikeuk | 0

#740487 - Monday 28 December 2009 10:45

harsh xD